Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it OK
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction or a beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of the Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you feel
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here
~~~~~Sarah McLachlan, ANGEL
Joey went off that night to see Spike. Dispite her deep hearted conversation with Angel, she felt a greater pull towards Spike. It wasn't something she could explain, it just was.
Spike welcomed her with open arms. "So nice to see you, my pet. I trust our friends are still giving you grief?"
Joey shrugged. "No big deal. They mean well."
"Yes, I'm sure they do." Spike invited Joey into the small studio he had rented. "Something to drink?" he offered.
"No thanks," Joey said, sitting on the black leather couch. "Can I ask you something? Without you getting mad?"
Spike sat on the couch next to her. "What is it?"
"Tell me what happened. Between you and Angel."
"Well," he began. "It's rather dull actually. To begin with, Angel used to be good." He paused. "At least good in a bad way. And then he changed. And we had differences."
Joey looked at him. "Who's Dru?"
"Drusilla. She was my girlfriend. Angel's girlfriend too, at one point. Their relationship is rather complicated."
"That's what Buffy says about her relationship with him."
"So then you see. Angel leads to complications. He's the one you should be worried about. Not me."
Joey thought on his words. A few moments later he interrupted her thoughts. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Seems fair," she said lightly.
"Why come back? To see me. After what they told you."
Joey pondered his question. "I guess because I just met them, just met you. Trying to figure out who's telling the truth."
"If you really believed I was a killer, would you have come here?"
"I guess not."
~*~*~*~*~*~
Willow sat on the couch, legs curled up beneath her. While Buffy and Angel were out having their quality time, Pacey and Dawson doing their thing, Jen out in the pool, Willow was alone in the house with Xander. She tried to resist her urge to go up to his room and scream at him. But what would that solve? It's not like he cheated on me or anything. I mean I have Oz, he has Cordelia. I don’t understand what I’m so upset about. And Jen? What does he see in her? He’s known me way longer than her. Is that what I want? An explanation why it was Jen and not me?
Willow went to the phone to call Giles. Buffy had asked her to inform him of Spike’s existence, and Willow needed someone to talk to.
She picked up the phone and was about to dial when she heard Xander’s voice.
“I just thought you should know, that it would be easier coming from me.”
“Yeah, right. You want me to believe that? You knew you’d get caught. You knew I’d watch the show. Tell me Xander, if you weren’t on videotape would you have told me?”
“Of course I’d tell you. Listen, it was no big deal. It meant nothing. It just happened.”
“Yeah, no big deal. How come we never did it Xander? You know what, forget it. I’m going. Bye.”
Willow quietly hung up the phone. So Xander told Cordelia?
She heard Xander pacing in his room and decided to go talk to him. She knocked quietly on the door. “Go away,” came the response.
But she persisted. Finally the door opened. “Oh, Willow.”
She entered slowly, guilty for listening to his conversation. She sat on his bed and looked at him.
Xander, guessing why she was there, started the conversation. “I take it this isn’t a social call, is it.”
“I just don’t understand. Why?”
Xander sat down next to her. “I don’t know why. Trust me, if I knew that things would be easier.”
She looked away from him.
“Will, I never meant to hurt you. Or Cordelia. It just happened, that’s it. No explanation.”
“Is that what you told Cordelia?”
Xander looked at her in surprise. “How did you know I talked to her?”
“Well, um,” she began, “I sorta picked up the phone, you know, to call Giles, and, well...”
“It doesn’t matter. I know I messed up.” He stood up and walked towards the door. “And if she, or you, don’t forgive me for it, I’ll understand.” He closed the door behind him leaving Willow alone.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Buffy and Angel were having anything but quality time. They had followed Joey to Spike’s place.
“I still don’t see what good we’re going to do by sitting outside Angel.”
Angel looked at her but said nothing. They were seated in a park within eye’s view of Spike’s apartment. They had managed to lose the cameraman that was following them.
“Angel, are you hearing me?”
He nodded but continued his silence.
Buffy stood up. “You know, you can have all the fun you want sitting out here spying on her and Spike. But I am not about to involve myself in more Slayer activities while I’m here.”
“Buffy...” he began.
But she cut him off. “I thought this was supposed to be fun. You and me, without problems. Without killing.”
“You know how dangerous Spike is. I thought you would be a little more concerned that he’s here.”
“I am concerned. Concerned for us.” She walked further away from him.
He stood up and followed her. He reached for her arm and turned her around. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing wrong.” She turned away from him.
But he jumped in front of her. “What is going on?”
Buffy sighed and looked at him. “I just sometimes wish this would all go away. All this slaying. I want a life. This was my one chance.”
His eyes were full of concern. “Do you want me to leave?”
Buffy hugged him and kissed him gently. “No, of course not. But can we forget about Joey and Spike? For a little while? I mean obviously she’ll be safe until we find out what Spike wants. He wont kill her, it’s just some ploy to get us involved. And we’re doing exactly what he wants.”
“Buffy,” he interrupted.
But she continued. “Is it too much to ask that we try and act like a normal couple for a few months? You know, hanging out, going out, not watching our backs, not worrying, not fighting...”
He cut her off with a kiss. They stood there, engulfed in one another, until they heard a door slam. Angel broke off the kiss and looked towards Spike’s apartment.
Buffy looked too. “She’s leaving. She’s still alive. Can we go now?”
Angel silently agreed. He took her hand and they left.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Xander came downstairs and went into the kitchen. He poured himself a drink and sat down at the table. He looked out the back door watching Jen get out of the pool. He tried to leave but it was too late. She saw him.
She entered the back door, still wet from the pool, with a towel on. “Xander, we gotta talk.”
“Talk? Okay. About?”
She sat down at the table and gestured for him to return. He walked back towards the table and sat.
“About what happened last night. About what’s going to happen.”
He looked at her curiously. What’s going to happen?”
“What happened last night probably screwed a lot of things up for me. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret what happened. But as it is Joey hates me, and now Dawson’s avoiding me.”
“Yeah well count Willow out of my circle of friends. And I’m already an enemy of Angel. And Cordelia will never speak to me again.”
“I just don’t want you to avoid me too. I was hoping we could become friends.”
“Friendship after sex? Now that’s one I haven’t heard of. Usually it’s friendship before sex.” Jen smiled. “So we’re doing things backwards. Is it possible?”
He took her hand. “Yeah, it’s definitely possible.”
“Can you guys keep your hands off each other for one night?” Pacey entered the front door followed by Dawson. Jen quickly pulled her hand away. “If you guys want privacy, feel free to use the room Xander. Just let me know when you’re done.”
“Pacey,” Jen warned. She stood up and walked towards Dawson. “Can we talk?”
Dawson just looked at her. “Talk? I’m kinda tired. Maybe tomorrow.” He disappeared downstairs.
Jen gave Pacey a pleading look. “Has he said anything?”
“Didn’t mention it.”
“Could you talk to him for me? Please?”
“And say what? ‘Hey Dawson, even though Jen wanted you back and you were considering it, and she just happened to have sex with someone she just met, she still wants you.’ I don’t think he’ll fall for it.”
“Pacey, can you be serious about anything?” She took off up the stairs.
“So, tell me roomie, was she any good?”
“Wish I could remember.”
Pacey sat down where Jen was. “You had sex with the most sought after girl in Capeside and you don’t remember? Man, I would hate to be in your position.”
Willow entered the kitchen. “Willow,” Pacey greeted. Xander turned to look at her but she ignored him.
“Hello Pacey. How was your night?”
“Pretty good. Checked out the local babes, you know. The usual. You?”
“It was fine.” She took a soda out of the fridge and returned to her room.
“Wow dude, cold shoulder act. You’re in trouble.” He stood up. “Well, confession time. Catch ya later.”
~*~*~*~*~*~
Pacey turned on the camera and sat down. “Well, what a house party we got going here. Let’s see, where to start. You got poor old Dawson, who’s woman just slept with a stranger, Joey who’s dating a killer, Buffy who’s attached to Angel at the hip, Willow who hides a lot, Xander, who’s managed to take what Dawson wanted and doesn’t remember it, and me. For once I’m not the screw up. Can’t wait till tomorrow.” He shut off the camera smiling and left.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Jen slowly walked down the basement stairs. Dawson was lying on his bed watching television. He heard her on the stairs and shut it off. He slipped under the covers.
“Dawson, please talk to me.”
“Jen, I was just going to sleep. Can this wait till tomorrow?”
“I don’t think so. Please Dawson, just talk to me.”
He sighed and sat up. “So, what?”
She sat on Angel’s bed. “I can understand if you’re mad at me, but I wanted you to know that I never meant to hurt you.”
“You know what Jen? That’s okay. I mean we’re not together anymore, you’ve made that perfectly clear. So whatever you do doesn’t need my approval.”
“Don’t act like this doesn’t bother you Dawson. It bothers me.”
“Well, Jen, that’s not really my problem.”
“Why are you being so cold? I don’t think I deserve this treatment Dawson.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. It’s just I seem to remember someone having slight difficulty in even kissing me. Didn’t want to go back to her usual ways. Ring a bell?”
Jen stood up. “That was cruel Dawson. And unfair.”
“Just viewing the facts,” he said quietly.
She turned and ran up the stairs slamming the door behind her. She almost ran over Angel, who had just walked in the door. “Jen?”
“Sorry,” she said while continuing her escape up to her room.
Buffy looked at Angel. “Guess Dawson wasn’t too forgiving.”
Angel silently agreed. They walked into the kitchen where Xander was still sitting.
Buffy walked over to Xander. “So, what did we miss?”
“Not much. I told Cordelia, she dumped me, Willow wont talk to me, Jen just left Dawson and by the looks of it things didn’t go well, and Pacey’s just laughing at us.
That’s about it.” “Oh, okay.”
Angel let out a small laugh and Xander gave him an evil glance. “Well, you can’t blame them.”
“Who asked you anyway,” Xander said. “Buffy,” redirecting his attention, “make sure Willow’s okay, huh?”
“I’ll see what I can do. Is Joey home yet?”
“I haven’t seen her.” Xander stood up. “Guess I’ll go confess my sins.”
Angel and Buffy watched him disappear. “Wonder where she is,” Angel said.
“Don’t know. And I’m too tired to care right now.” She gave him a kiss. “I gotta check on Will. See you tomorrow?”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“Good.” She kissed him again. “Stay away from Jen too.”
“Worried?”
“Yes.”
He kissed her back. “Don’t be.” They kissed once more and Buffy went upstairs.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Xander sat in the confessional. “Not sure where to start. Let’s see, what have I managed to screw up in the couple days I’ve been here. Did something I probably shouldn’t, I’ll admit that. But I can’t change that now, can I? So Cordelia is really mad. And I guess I can’t blame her. And Willow, well, I probably just screwed up the best relationship I’ve had with anyone by hurting Willow. I screwed up guys. And when this airs, I hope you have forgiven me.”
~*~*~*~*~*~
Angel took one last look out the front door for Joey before heading downstairs. Dawson was still awake, staring off into space. “Hey,” Angel said.
Dawson snapped out of his thoughts. “Hi.” He sat up. “So?”
“She’s not home yet. But we watched her leave.”
“Thanks.” He got out of bed and threw on a shirt. “How long ago did she leave there?”
“About an hour. What happened with Jen?”
“Nothing worth talking about.”
Angel accepted the fact that he didn’t want to talk about that subject. “Going to look for Joey?”
Dawson sat back down to put on his sneakers. “Yeah. Thanks for going tonight.”
“I don’t think I can keep it up.”
Dawson gave him a curious glance.
“Buffy,” he answered.
Dawson nodded. “Don’t risk losing that over my problems. You’ve helped enough already. Thanks.”
“Sure.”
Dawson headed up the stairs. “If she gets back before I do, ask her to wait up?”
Angel nodded in agreement and Dawson disappeared.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Buffy knocked on Willow’s door somewhat reluctantly, unsure of what to say to make her friend feel any better. “Come in,” Willow called out, and Buffy opened the door to see Willow flipping through a Science magazine with a semi-bored, semi-depressed expression etched upon her face.
“Hey,” Buffy greeted warmly, going to sit down on the opposite bed. “I just wanted to see how you were doing, if you were okay.”
“Oh, I’m fine,” Willow answered simply, then she sighed heavily and rolled over on the bed to face the Slayer. “Okay, I’m actually not. To be honest, I’m really, really, really un-okay.”
“I’m sorry,” Buffy offered.
Willow smiled wanly. “It’s okay,” she replied quietly. “I’m not sure why I’m not okay. I mean, Xander isn’t someone I’m interested in any more, I have Oz, and that’s plenty, more than enough for me, really. I think I might even love him. So why does it bother me so much that Xander slept with Jen?” She looked at Buffy with genuine curiosity.
Buffy sighed heavily. “Willow, just becaues you don’t love him doesn’t mean you really don’t love him.” Then she laughed slightly when she thought about what she’d just said. “I mean, well, you loved him for sixteen years. That’s a long time. You can’t just forget about it. And you guys did go out once,” she added with a slightly teasing smile.
Willow laughed aloud, remembering how she’d told Buffy about how she and Xander had dated at the age of five, and broken up when Xander stole her barbie. “That’s true,” she said, repressing more giggles.
“Exactly!” Buffy said, glad to have made Willow laugh. “It’s always hard to see an old boyfriend move on,” she continued dramatically. “I mean, after he robbed you of one of your most precious possesions, of course you would break up with him. But when he finds the strength to continue on to another lover . . .”
“Buffy, stop!” Willow shouted, throwing a pillow at her friend and still giggling slightly. “I get the point.” Then she stopped laughing and sighed once again. “But it sitll doesn’t make it any easier.”
Buffy smiled sympathetically. “Don’t worry about it, Willow,” she told her. “I’m sure everything will work out for the best in the end.”
“I sure hope you’re right.”
~*~*~*~*~*~
Joey came home a half hour later. She went to the kitchen to grab something to eat and Angel came upstairs. “Hello Angel.”
“Hi. Where’ve you been?”
“A little parental are we? I went to see him.” Angel gave her a ‘what did I tell you’ look and she said, “to end things. Or end whatever we were going to have. I figured you guys didn’t have any hidden motives for lying about him.”
Angel walked over to her. “So you believe us?”
She responded with a hug. He embraced her back. “Yeah, why not? I suppose I should say thanks for looking out for me. Even if I don’t agree with you following me.”
“How do you...” he began.
“The cameraman told me you gave him the slip. He was a little pissed about it, you might want to stay out of his way. Besides, it was kinda nice that you guys were worried.” She sat at the table and suggested for him to do the same. “So how far into this spy game is Dawson?”
“He’s out looking for you now. Wanted you to wait for him.”
She took a bite of her sandwich. She offered him half, he just shook his head. After she swallowed, she said, “So do you think he really cares about me?”
“You’ve known him longer,” was his reply.
“I guess.” She took another bite. “I’m just not sure what goes on in his head.”
“I want you to remember something.”
“What’s that?”
“Don’t try to read into the things you have. Accept them. And try to hold on to them.”
Joey looked at him. “You must be the sweetest guy I’ve met. Dawson and I have our problems, I know. And I’ll always love him. Things have been just a little shaky lately.” She paused. “But I gotta look at the bright side of this.”
“What’s that,” he queried.
“You. Me. Talking. More than two sentences from you. I kinda like it when you talk.”
Angel smiled, slightly embarrassed at the compliment.
“You see? I told you we’d be friends.”
The front door opened and Dawson walked in. Angel stood up. “I’ll leave you guys.” He looked at Joey. “Remember what I said.”
She smiled and nodded at him. Angel walked passed Dawson and went downstairs. Dawson walked over to the table. “What was that about?”
“Don’t worry about it,” Joey said. Dawson sat down across from her. She offered him the half of her sandwich that Angel refused. He took it. “So, out looking for me?”
“He told you?”
“Yeah. Angel’s my little spy in this house. Be careful what you tell him.” She gave him a mysterious look. “Besides, I wanted to talk to you anyway.”
“About what?”
“Spike. I’m not going to see him again.”
Dawson let out a huge sigh of relief.
Joey looked at him. “Dawson, you act like I just broke up with a vampire or something.”
Dawson almost choked on the food he was chewing.
Joey looked at him with concern. “I know you guys thought he was this mean serial killer or something, but I’m fine. Can we just forget about it?”
Dawson quickly recovered and cleared his throat. “Gladly.”
Joey stood up. “I need some sleep. You going to bed?”
“In a minute I guess.”
“Okay. I’ll see you later.” Joey took off upstairs. Willow was in the room talking to Buffy. “Hey, am I interrupting?”
Buffy shook her head. “Nah, we’re done. Dawson around?”
“Yeah, he’s downstairs.”
“Great. I’ll see you guys later.” Buffy left.
Joey sat on her bed and took off her shoes. “So,” she said to Willow. “How are things around here?”
“Oh, the same. You?”
“Everything’s fine. No more Spike.”
“Good,” Willow stated. “He’s not good.”
“I know. But how are you?”
“Me? I’m fine. Well, maybe not fine. But I’ll be fine.”
“The Xander/Jen thing?”
Willow nodded.
“Hey, I wouldn’t stress over it. Call your man Oz, he’ll make you feel better.”
Willow managed a smile. “Yeah.”
Joey got under her covers and shut off the light by her bed. “Night.”
Willow did the same. “Night Joey.”
~*~*~*~*~*~
Buffy met up with Dawson in the living room. “Dawson, got a minute?”
He moved over on the couch for her to sit. “Sure.”
Buffy sat down on the couch. “We need to talk.”
Dawson nodded. “Angel?”
“Yeah.” She looked at the cameraman and then at Dawson.
He understood. “It’s cool. I mean I’ve got no problems.”
“Really?”
“Hey, in a few months I probably wont see you guys again. And whatever the relationship you guys have, it’s none of my business.”
“Are you worried?” She asked in a whisper. “About him?”
“I’m more worried about you from what he’s told me.”
She stared at him in surprise. “What has he said?”
“Just that you could kick some ass.”
They both laughed. “Well, I appreciate you keeping quiet.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
Joey came down the stairs, and Buffy and Dawson ended their conversation. “Hey Joey,” Dawson said, “thought you were going to bed?”
“Just needed something to drink,” she said walking towards the kitchen.
There was a knock at the door. Joey gave Buffy and Dawson a curious glance as she went to see who was here.
Buffy got up too. “Who’s here this early,” Buffy said.
Joey opened the door, blocking Buffy’s view from the living room entrance. “Can I help you,” Joey asked.
“Hello deary, I’ve brought you a present. It’s from Spike.”
Buffy came into the entranceway. She looked at the messenger with horror. “Joey, don’t invite her in.”
Joey looked from Buffy to the woman at the door.
The messenger handed Joey the box. “I actually picked it out for Spike. I hope you like it.”
Buffy called for Angel, alarming Dawson. He went to the door as well.
Angel, noticing the urgency in Buffy’s voice, came up the stairs quickly. When he saw what had Buffy so alarmed, he understood. “What are you doing here,” he snarled.
“Oh, Angel. I’ve missed you.” She blew him a kiss. “Nighty night!” She took off. Angel went to follow her, but Buffy held him back.
Joey walked into the kitchen and placed the box on the counter. She opened it slowly. And then she screamed.
Angel came rushing over, looked in the box, and held Joey while she calmed down.
Buffy looked at the contents of the box. In it was the head of a black cat with a black rose entering the eye socket and exiting the remains of it’s neck. She took the box, opened the back door, went towards the beach, and threw it in the ocean.
When Joey finally calmed down she stood back from Angel. “Who was that,” she managed through the tears.
Angel looked at her with concern. “Drusilla.”