Stories
By SDP
None of them knew how it was done. Not Shakespeare Bill, with his grasp of language. Not Tarbill - Earl of the jungle, with his unquestionable bravery. Not even Disco Bill, with his cool demeanour in all situations. And especially not Bill. On the rare occasions that she actually talked to him, he had no idea of how to avoid fainting. So, in desperation he turned to the only one (other than the unsuccessful Karl 'Gigolo' Beattie) he knew would advise him in an honest male-to-multiple-personalitied-male manner.
"Wha' ye got te' do iz...er...gerrus 'nother pint o' Guinness!" Angus, Bill's Brother, slurred in his Scottish accent (look, I know that Guinness is Irish, but it just so happens that Angus enjoys a gallon or five of it on occasion, ie always).
Bill sighed and walked toward the bar. Halfway across the room was a thick pillar, and as he stepped behind it and waked out the other side he had become...Disco Bill!
Disco Bill discoed to the bar and said "Hey, how's about another pint of that Funky Guinness?" the barmaid smiled and gave him his requested beverage, so he discoed back to his table.
"Giss tha' Guinness, ye lil' bastard!"
As Angus guzzled Guinness greedily, Disco Bill felt nature calling. "'scuse me," he said, "I gotta answer the funky call of nature." And he discoed to the John.
When he re-emerged, he looked like Bill, except for the 'skull and crossbones' ring on his right hand. This ring, known as his 'Attitude', was trouble for all. He had become...Attitude Bill!
Back at the table, Angus had almost finished his drink.
"Gess' 'nother one, would ye?" he uneasily wavered.
"HEY! YOU GETTING' SMART? YOU'LL GET MY ATTITUDE IN YOUR HEAD!"
"Wha'?"
"I'LL JUST GO...BAM! AN' YOU'LL GET MY ATTITUDE IN YOUR HEAD!"
"Wha'?"
"MY ATTITUDE IN YOUR HEAD!"
"...wha'?"
"ATTITUDE, HEAD!"
"Oh." Angus' face split into a grin of realisation, then his eyes rolled back in his head and he fell over backwards, unconscious.
The End
For now.
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