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GW and The Janice Springer Show!!!!!

**A large audience sits facing a stage. A voice-over begins to speak as the camera pans over the audience and then on the stage.**

VO: Is everybody ready? Its time for the Janice Springer show!!!

**The audience cheers and chants 'Janice, Janice, Janice!' A woman comes on stage, waving to the madly cheering audience.**

Janice: Hello and welcome to my show! I am Janice Springer. Today we have with us the cast of Gundam Wing! This show promises to be full of yaoi references and love triangles, so-

**Janice is cut of by the audience's cat-calls and whistles. She patiently waits for the noise to lower.**

Janice: As I was saying, if your offended by that kind of thing, don't read this. It's just a harmless parody, after all. Moving right along, let's bring out our first guest. He quiet, he has a bad temper, and he wears shorts that would cut off anyone's circulation. Please welcome... Heero Yuy!

**The audience cheers as Heero steps out and sits down on one of a row of chairs.**

Janice: Heero, welcome to my show! Would you like to tell us why you're here today?

Heero: **glares at Janice** I'm here to kill her.

**Everyone in the studio sweatdrops. Janice laughs nervously.**

Janice: **wipes her forehead** Umm...Heero...Would you like to tell us who "she" is and why you want to kill her?

Heero: **mumbles something about 'D@mn fanfic writers' and 'wouldn't be here except for the killing her part'** She is Relena Peacecraft. She stalks me everywhere, messing up a lot of my missions. On top of that, she has this hidious voice and an ugly face.

** audience 'ooohs' and someone is heard saying 'that's harsh...'**

Janice: **looks out at audience** What do you say, folks? Should we bring her out?

**The audience cheers**

Janice: Alright! Come on out, Relena!

**The audience cheers some more as Relena comes out.**

Relena: Hi Janice, minna-sama! **waves and sits next to Heero, batting her eye-lashes** Hello, Heero.

Heero: **glares the copy-righted Yuy-glare-of-death at the queen of the world, refusing to reply**

Janice: Now, Relena. Do you know why you are here today?

Relena: Well, I was kind of hoping that... **blushes and glances at Heero** Heero was going to confess his love....

**Heero gags and stands, getting up and sitting down again several seats away from Relena. She smiles at him sweetly.**

Relena: He's so shy. **gushes**

Janice: **sweatdrops** Well, Relena, that isn't exactly why you two are here today. Heero, would you care to tell her?

Heero: **glares at Relena** Omae o korosu.

Janice: And now for a commercial break! Be here when we come back with more of Relena and Heero, plus some one who is Heero!

**a breif clip of Relena crying and saying "You don't love me?" is shown, along with one of Relena attacking Duo**

**note: put commercial here**

Janice: Welcome back, folks! When we left, Heero had just threatened to kill Relena. Now Relena, how does it feel to be dumped like this by the man of your dreams?

Relena: **waves hand airily** He doesn't mean that. He says it to everyone.

Jancie: **walks into audience** We seem to have some one who wants to make a comment! **holds microphone out to a short girl trying feverently to hide a pair of fox ears in her black cap**

Author (aka short girl who...): Oh, face facts, Relena! Heero doesn't love you! After all, he's in love with-**voice is no longer audible as the microphone is pulled away**

Janice: **glares meanifully at the author** Let's ask HEERO who he is in love with.

Author: **glares back** You can't control me! You're just some character I invented for this fic!

Janice: No, I'm a girl in your school who's name you thought sounded too much like a certain famous talk-show host! **heads back to stage, leaving the muttering author behind** Now, Heero, are you in love with anyone?

Heero: ...yes....

Relena: See? Heero loves me!

Heero: **glares at Relena** I do NOT love you. I do NOT even remotely like you!!!!!

**the audience 'uuuuuuuuuuuooooohhhhh's**

Relena: **starts to cry** You don't love me? said you were in love!!!!!

Janice: Should we bring out Heero's koi? **audience woops and catcalls** Then come on out, Duo Maxwell!!

**Duo appears, and the cheers increase. Duo catches sight of the author in the audience and waves to her. She grins, and madly waves back at her conterpart. Duo sits next to Heero, who almost smiles. Whistles come from the audience. Relena's jaw hits the floor. **

Duo: **leers at Heero** Yo, Heero. **looks to Janice** Hey Janice. **notices Relena and nods in her direction** Ojo-san.

Relena: **stares at Heero increduously** Yo-you are in love with HIM?!?!?!?!?!? But..but..he's a... a guy!

Heero: **eyes narrow** So?

Relena: But... but... but... you're... ano... I' is...boys can't...etto....

Duo: Ojo-san, you're stuttering.

Relena: **turns to Duo with the promise of death in her eyes** This is all your fault, you *beeeeeeeep* of a *beeeep beeeeeeeeeep*!!!!!!

Duo: **eyes widen in mock surprise** My, my, ojo-san. Such rude words coming from such a proper lady.

**Relena jumps Duo and the two wrestle across the stage, kicking and clawing and biting in-between shouts of 'Heero's mine!!' and 'You slut! Why would Heero want you?'. Security people finally pull them appart**

Janice: Its time for another comercial break. When we return, we'll see if Heero is the only one breaking hearts .

**clip of Hildre coming on is shown**

**note: next commercial**

Janice: Annnnd, we're back!

**Audience claps and we can see Relena is secured in a strait-jacket, tied to a chair, and has a gag over her mouth.**

Heero: God!! At least now I don't need to hear her voice...

**Relena pouts.**

Duo: **whines** That nut is so damn annoying!!! She NEVER shut's up!!

Heero: Neither do you.

Duo: don't mind me do you? **Bats eye-lashes at Heero.** She has that god damn auful voice that even jerked YOU back to conscienceness!

**Relena (now officially pissed off) glares at Duo while struggling furiously in her binds.**

Janice: Well, Duo, how do you normally deal when Relena goes after Heero?

Duo: **grinning** Well...I don't have to do much. She normally comes when she would have no chance of talking to him. Not that she doesn't try anyway, the baka.

** Duo sticks his tounge out at Relena. With that Relena gives up struggling and goes after Duo.**

Duo: What the---?

Janice:Um...Relena, please, calm down.

** Relena hops across the stage, still in her chair.**

Janice: Ah, time for a break!

**The screen remains black for a little while before a commercial appears. Then, guards attempting to drag a crazed Relena off the stage are seen. Somehow, she manages to pull free of the chair. Duo is sitting on the floor, looking dazed. Heero... was Heero.**

Janice: Huh?...Oh!! Welcome back to the show!! Um, now that Relena has had to leave the show I think it's time to bring in our next guest.

**Duo's head snaps around in suprise.**

Duo: Next guest?

**Janice smiles.**

Janice: Yes!! The other source of problems in this *cough, cough* relationship. Hildre, come on out!!

**Hildre comes out smiling, rather clueless as to what's going on. The crowd cheers, as usual.**

Hildre: **Waves and turns to see Duo.** Hi Duo! **She happily plops down next to Duo, who is looking a little pale.**

Janice: Well, now. Hildre, how are you today?

Hildre:Fine, thanks. Um...wasn't Relena-sama out here?

Janice: **looking a little nervous** Well, yes, but...she had to be sedated.

**audience laughs at the sad plight of Relena-"sama"**

Hildre: **makes a weird face** Huh? Why?

Janice: She was, um...beating on Duo.

Hildre: **jumps to her feet** That hussy! I'll make her pay!! ** starts to head off stage, but is stopped by Duo**

Duo: Maa, maa, Hildre! It's nothin' I can't handle myself!

Hildre: ** swoons and giggles happily** Ha~ai, Duo!

Janice: Duo, I think it's time you told Hildre why she's here. Don't you agree, audience?

** The audience cheers, and Heero shoots Duo a look that clearly says 'I-had-to-do-it-so-do-you' (author: **sweatdrops** Only Heero could pull off that kind of glare...). Duo looks exceedingly nervous.**

Duo: Hildre...there's something I have to tell you...about "us"...

Hildre: **eyes shimmer** Yes, Duo?

Duo: This is so hard to say, I don't know if...

Hildre: Oh, Duo! This is a proposal, isn't it?

**everyone collectively sweatdrops (as if they weren't expecting this kind of reaction).**

Heero: Duo...tell her now.

Duo: Hildre... I'm not here to propose to you.

Hildre: **looks crestfallen for a second, then perks up** I understand, Duo, witht the war and all...

Duo: No,no! It isn't that! There's...there's someone else, Hildre.

Hildre: **looks like she's about to cry** There is? Who? **her near-tears turn to anger** Who is she? I'll kill her!

Duo: **sweatdrops** Not her, him.

Hildre: **pauses while this new infomation sinks in, then turns to Heero** O-omae!! Omae o korosu!!!

Heero: **glares at her** Watch whose line you're stepping on, you *beeeee-eeep*.

Hildre: **turns an interesting shade of purple, then her shoulders slump in defeat** Du-duo? Do you really love him?

Duo: **blushes** Hai.

Hildre: **being very noble** Then I'll let you live together and I won't bother you... **Duo looks relieved** ...until you come to your senses and realize I'm better for you!!!! **she stalks off the stage**

Duo: Umm...ok...

Janice: And now for a commercial break! When we come back, we'll be joined by two other gundam pilots, Quatre and Trowa, who appear to have relationship problems of their own!!!!!

**Audience cheers. A clip of a kareoke machine being wheeled out is shown (^^;;;;).**

**commercial will be put here when the scanner works...^^;**

Janice: Welcome back (again)!! It's time for us to bring out our next happy **glances at Heero and Duo** couple. Umm...right? Audience?

**audience cheers, albiet a little less enthusiasticly than normal, deeply afraid of another Heero/Duo kind of thing**

Janice: Well, come on out, Quatre and Trowa!!!!

**Quatre and Trowa fans cheer loudly as their OOD (ObjectsOfDrool, not an insult) come out. Quatre smiles and waves, while Trowa simply nods to the audience, Janice, and the other two pilots.**

Quatre: **ploping down next to Duo** Hello Duo, Heero!! **smiles as Trowa sits next to him and takes his hand**

Duo: Yo Quatre, Trowa.

Janice: Well, what do you know? It looks like we have another audience question! **heads into audience in the direction of the author (this is NOT you're cue to groan, minna). Janice stops in front of a figure NEXT to the author and holds out the microphone to her.** Do you have a question?

Girl (whom you shall from now on address as Author2): Yes. I have a question for Quatre and **looks at Trowa dreamily** Trowa...**sighs happily**.

**long pause**

Janice: Um, you had a question?

Author2: **snaps out of it** Oh yeah! I was wondering what in the world could be wrong in your relationship.

Janice: **heading back to the stage** Well?

Quatre: **glances at Trowa, who gives his hand a reasuring squeeze (author1: aren't they kawai?)** Nothing that I know of. Ne, Trowa?

Trowa: ...*nods*.

Janice: Well then, you obiviously weren't expecting our next guest...come on out, Rashid!!!!

**Quatre's eyes widen. Duo turns to him.**

Duo: Don't worry, the authors like us too much for anything to go too wrong.

**In the audience the authors nod knowingly. Enter Rashid. The audience cheers.**

Rashid: **sitting next to and gazing adoringly at Quatre** Quatre-sama. **norrows his eyes at Trowa** Barton-san.

Janice: Welcome, Rashid!!

Quatre: Rashid... **He lookes at him wide eyed with surprise.** Wha-what are you doing here?

Janice: Rashid, would you like to tell him why you're here?

**Rashid looks at Quatre then glares at Trowa. Trowa glares back at him, making sure Quatre's hand never leaves his (author2: I LOVE them!!!)(author1: *sigh*)**

Rashid: Well, it concerns Quatre-sama.

Trowa: **Eyeing Rashid.** YOU stay away from MY Quatre!!!

**Audience 'ohhhs'. Rashid gives Trowa the evil eye while Quatre looks at Trowa in surprise at his OOC-ness.**

Quatre: Trowa.....

Trowa: Quatre's mine! He will never be yours!!

Rashid: Quatre deserves someone better than YOU!!

Trowa: Nani!?!?!?!

**With that Trowa stood, pulling Quatre up with him.**

Trowa: Quatre is with ME!!! Not you!!! Get that through you head!!!

Quatre: Trowa.....

Janice: Now, now, let's calm down.

**Janice is ignored as Rashid stands to face Trowa, grabbing a mike and a near-by kareoke machine. He starts singing "The Boy is Mine" by Brandy and that other person (author2: Whose name I can't remember right now)(author1: Monica?). EVERYONE in the room sweatdrops, with the exception of the authors, who simply high-five each other and laugh.**

Janice: Um....

**Trowa begins to sing the other part of the song. Quatre drops to his seat in pure astonishment.**

Duo: Quatre, are they doin' what I think they're doin'?


Duo: Quatre, ne, Quatre!!

Quatre: Huh?

Duo: Daijoubu?

Quatre: Un...

**Trowa and Rashid continue singing "The Boy is Mine" to a shocked Quatre and sweatdroping audience.**

Rashid: Not yours!

Trowa: But mine!

Rashid: NOT YOURS!!!!!!

Trowa: BUT MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Everyone covers their ears from the sound the "duet" is making... a noise that shatters all the glass within the surrounding three miles. (author1: Sorry to bash on Trowa's singing. I know I don't appreciate it as I should. And Rashid...well, I don't think it is neccisary for me to appreciate Rashid's singing skills. Really. Gomen, Rashid fans, if you exsist and are reading this.)**


**Rashid proptly passes out through lack of air. Trowa smirks slightly and scoops Quatre into his arms.**

Trowa: **whispers** But mine...

**He then kisses Quatre, much to the delight of the shonen ai fans in the audience. Whistles echo throughout the studio.**

**Trowa and Quatre break appart, and Quatre gazes up addoringly at Trowa.**

Quatre: **very flushed** Ai shiteru, Trowa.

Trowa: **kisses Quatre's forehead** I love you, too, boku no tenshi.

**everyone in the audience 'awwwww's (author1: ain't nothin' like sap!! 'Cides, I wrote that to make up for that little insult to Trowa's singing ability. Quat- uh, author2 was slightly upset about that...)**

**while no one was watching, stage-crew enters and removes Rashid's prone form**

Duo: Maa, Heero, how come we never get scenes like that?

Heero: Because your self-proclaimed "counter-part" **points out into audience** isn't as good at getting her way as Quatre's counterpart.

Duo: **pouts** I don't think so. I just think its 'cause you are unromantic, Heero.

Heero: ...**shrugs and then ignores Duo**.

Duo: Heee~eero!!!

Janice: Join us next time on the Janice Springer show! We'll have yet another GW episode...featuring the last GW pilot...Chang Wufei! Plus the whole love triangle he's tangled up with!!! Join us then!!!!

Duo: Wai! Quatre-chan and I actually finished something! I'm soooo proud of us!!!!


Well minna-sama, see you all net time! Umm...please? We aren't that scary, are we?


~owari? i think not...bwahaha!!!~

Scared? Want to go back? heh...fine... you actually want the next part?

back to start
Wu-chan's Janice Springer!!!!!