Pub Message Archives 1-20

Failte! Welcome to the archives of the Online Irish Pub. This is your warning so please pay attention. This is about a pub, albeit online. If you get offended by foul language, sex, graphic explanations of bodily functions or by anything else you are likely to run into in a pub, please leave now. Drinking and babysitting don't mix. Thank you.

Re: celtic simon get off the crack pipe rubytuesdayschild (32/F/Nearby ........) 6/1/01 12:26 pm AHE-em ... I would just like to point out two things about the American culture: 1)The people involved in it are in the habit of accusing others of smoking crack the way some cultures might think it's nice to say G'Day. It really means nothing except that one of you is not making sense and they are hoping it's you for a change 2) The people involved in it also believe that if it's a person's culture that makes them behave that way they really can't be blamed for it .. unless they are personally affected by it. This excuses drive-by shootings, crack smoking, reggae music (j/k), terrorism, and, in the case of the English, raping and pillaging other countries. Strange thing to do to dirt, but, what the hell: We all have to have a hobby, right? Unless, as previously stated, it is directly affecting the person who previously thought it was all alright or unless .. well, it doesn't really excuse any raping and pillaging of other countries (or even the people or cities in them) done by Americans, who have a hell of a guilt complex. That is taken care of, however, with such policies as A)Don't ask, don't tell B)When in Rome, do as the Romans do .. and hell, when in Bangledesh, do as the Romans would have done if they had been there too and, my personal favorite C)We all, collectively, came from everywhere and are really just making ourselves at home now that we've returned so piss off It is no coincidence that when policy C became more popular the use of the phrase "Yankee, go home" fell into general disuse and the more apt phrase "Satanic bastards leave us alone" became more generally favored. It had been realized that the Yankees had a strange concept, indeed, of where home was and that no one really wanted them to misinterpret the suggestion and move back to Bangledesh or anywhere else. This however has fuck-all to do with people in Maine, who think everyone who lives anywhere outside of Maine is a Yankee, even you. Or people in Alaska who think that you should all get the fuck off their planet now. Or, this could all be a bunch of shite made up to deflect the wrath of Simon. All hail Simon! Forgive him Simon, for he knows not what he does. It's all that damn pot he smoked! This Is a Reply to: Msg 489 by irie_irishman

NOT GUILTY.... aalphawolf (50/M/Idaho,U.S.A.) 6/1/01 2:53 pm ...Of any of the horrible things youve mentioned,although my grandfather was born on a ship escaping the famine of '78(?)...my father was U.S Army Infantry Medic in the Black Forrest,and I served (harmless)as a U S Army Combat Engineer in Viet Nam,'68,'69,and'70.I live in North Central Idaho,where the Neo-Nazis,Aryan Nations Church,and "Skinheads" are a serious threat to peaceful coexistence.Any form of abuse is repulsive to me...does that transform me from being a devoted Irishman into an "ugly American",darling?

Re: NOT GUILTY.... rubytuesdayschild (32/F/Nearby ........) 6/1/01 6:26 pm The things I didn't know about Idaho! Seriously? No wonder my sons dad was so worried about Nazism!!! Uhm ... I dont' really remember saying anything nasty about Americans, except them having a guilt complex and a bad sense of humor. I must go read it again! Also uhm ... you do realize that I am an Alaskan and therefore subject to fits of saying nasty things about Americans without any intention of causing an International incident .. yes? This Is a Reply to: Msg 494 by aalphawolf

Re: NOT GUILTY.... aalphawolf (50/M/Idaho,U.S.A.) 6/2/01 1:38 pm Oh,MY! In that case,sweetheart,please permit me to recant!(methinks I love you,already!) This Is a Reply to: Msg 495 by rubytuesdayschild

Please be nice to the other members .. rubytuesdayschild (32/F/Nearby ........) 6/2/01 9:19 pm especially the founder type people .. and if you can't be nice to them, at least be mean to them creatively! Once upon a time there was a man by the name of johno who lived in a cardboard box on a bridge, all by his lonesome. Just him and his crusty magazines to occupy him. Well, one day he was rubbing one of those magazine, and gee we don't know why, when a genie pops out of the left tata of the babe in the picture. It just so happens that at this time, Simon The Wonderful, was trit trotting across the very same bridge on his way to take a cookie home from his grandma. My, my .. but Simon just loved the taste of his grandma's cookie! Seeing the puff of smoke, which occured when the genie materialized, wafting out of the box, Simon started salivating .. mmm mm .. the only thing better than grandma's cookie was a golden toke from a cr .. well, anyway, he was momentarily mesmerized and decided to slide into the box, which amazingly was big enough for both men to fit into at one and the same time. But when he saw johno he left off thinking about cracks and old lady cookie and instead "Ass!" was what he had in mind. johno wasn't too happy to see Simon The Wonderful either, things not being the same between them since the time Simon caught johno getting his seams mended by his mother. The genie, not noticing the bitter looks passing between the two, happily announced that as they were the first two mortals it had set eyes on since 1963, which was when the magazine had originally been purchased by johno's illegitimate Uncle and .. oh it's a long story .. suffice it to say the genie was passing by just as the Uncle had discovered that the model was a true blonde and had been stuck to the page ever since .. anyway, as they were the first two mortals it had set eyes on in a long time, it would grant them both three wishes. Now you will have to pardon me here, as I haven't learned that particular slanguage that johno uses but will do my best to tell the tale of what happened. The genie said to them "I will grant you each three wishes, but you have to promise me that no obscenely biological ones will be performed in front of or include me, you must take turns with them, and you must use them NOW!" Johno, seeing as it was his magazine by dint of inheritance, decided to go first " I would like for every female in this city to be as sexy and hot as the models in this magazine look to me and to have at least three of them putting out for me every day." A magical sound and it was done. Then Simon said "I would like a helmet." This confused both johno and the genie but after but after a magical sound there was a helmet. It was Johno's turn again : "I would like for every female in the neighboring city to be young and hot and begging me to shag them whenever I run into them." A magical sound and it was done. Simon's turn: "I would like a motorcycle." Both the genie and johno wondered why Simon didn't just ask for a lot of money with which he could buy himself a motorcycle, but after a magical sound there was a motorcycle. johno took his last wish: "I would like for all the women in the world to be young, hot, beautiful, sexy and ready to shag at the drop of a hat, and to be begging me for it night and day." A magical sound and it was done. Simon put on his helmet, started up his motorcycle and said "I wish johno was gay.", and took off like a bat out of hell. Now, I am not at all suggesting that you insult the founders, or any members .. as previously suggested, I think it's best if you do not. But, if you are going to ...

I wana tell you about my pussy rubytuesdayschild (32/F/Nearby ........) 6/2/01 9:40 pm One hot July day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her and put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. She had no name so we named her pussy cat. The vet decided to keep her for a day or so and said he would let us know when we could come and get her. My husband, the complainer said, "OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks." My husband and my vet don't see eye to eye. He calls my husband El Cheap-O. My husband calls him El Take-0. Next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor which was located next door to the vet. The doctor's office was full of people waiting to see the doctor. The door opened and in popped the vet and announced to my husband, "Your wife's pussy is finally clean and shaved. She now smells like a rose. And by the way, I think she's pregnant. God knows who the father is!" and then he closed the door.

Cell 7

"Oh sugar .. you are hot looking tonight .. let me get your next one."

clap clap clap celticsimon (18/M/Ireland) 6/3/01 10:54 am wow. that was good. the jonno and simon joke....you are one talented lady! MORE! MORE! CLUB MEMBER INVOLVED JOKES!

Re: clap clap clap rubytuesdayschild (32/F/Nearby ........) 6/3/01 11:00 am Well, I knew it was bound to happen .... after all these years of hanging out with reprobates, I've finally been given the clap! Won't mama be proud? This Is a Reply to: Msg 501 by celticsimon

Hey everybody sweetwilliamreigning (35/F/On my knees, waiting, Mas) 6/3/01 11:06 am Just joined. Hope this is gonna work better than me email. I am not Irish. I don't wanna be Irish. I don't know anything about the Irish .. except that Ruby, as she is apparently known to you, is mostly Irish and she both confuses and scares me almost constantly. I joined this club because she said I had to.

I would just like to point out 2 things: rubytuesdayschild (32/F/Nearby ........) 6/3/01 2:44 pm 1) I never made anyone do anything they didn't wanna 2)Bite my ass and 3) (a bonus) I have declared myself Queen of England, since I have recently been informed that the English do not wish to be ruled by Germans and we all know where Vickie's family came from, and you are all now free to piddle the fuck off and leave me alone to my knitting. By the way, if any of you know how to knit, I surely would appreciate you not piddling the fuck off quite as quickly as the rest as I sure could use a lesson or two. Thank you Queen Annanubooboo

And 4) rubytuesdayschild (32/F/Nearby ........) 6/3/01 2:50 pm Out of 505 posts 653 are by me! This worries me for a myriad of reasons, most of which I don't give a fiddler's damn about bringing up, but at least some of which are: *That you are all a bunch of slacker feckin looney dog sniffers *That I am all alone in the Universe *That the New Math concepts just aren't working for me *I am only entertaining myself *That I may have traveled back in time and have started to retroactively entertain myself and any minute now Arnold Schwarzenneger will show up to put a bloody end to it all HELP!! I am BORED!

Celtic Power overcome CNN ibc1224 6/3/01 3:05 pm Celtic power overcome CNN I'm half Gaelic.. half Garlic.. said beloved Rep Moakley about his Irish Italian ancestry. He left for God last week IRISH ROOTS attacked by Vicious CNN news Fight back.. cancel AOL and replace cable with satellite Irish Catholics attacked by CNN In concert with Mary Rafferty's vicious book and tv show, a Goebbels style propaganda flashing pictures of nuns and then manufactured tales of cruelty to children was shown today on Jerry Levin's CNN (AOL TIME WARNER. CNN television coverage ignores cattle butcher Sharon's bulldozing of refugee tents, homes, shooting of babies, bombing with F16 fighters supplied by the US Govt, bulldozing of citrus and olive trees. Perhaps CNN and Sharon are upset that Pope John Paul II has visited Syria. CNN's shame was evident from their frequent flashing of 'this show was first aired on Irish TV'. http://www.prejean.org http://www.afsc.org WORLDWIDE ABOLITIONISTS ARE BOYCOTTING US OIL AS WELL AS BP AND SHELL PHARMACEUTICALS TOBACCO ALCOHOL FISH MEAT TIMBER TREE BASED PAPER until the US stops the death penalty http://www.amnesty.org http://www.egroups.com/messages/john87 Mad Cow not meningitis in Alliance? IS ALLIANCE OHIO "MENINGITIS" MAD COW DISEASE? http://www.madcowboy.com In Texas 2 months ago the meningitis was found to be Mad Cow and traced to Sutherland Springs, Tx where Purina Mills had been giving food to cows which contained the parts of dead animals. Reuters, the Canadian Broadcasting and British Broadcasting Corp report the slaughter of thousands of elk and deer in Saskatchewan and other parts of Canada for Mad Deer and Mad Elk Disease which say Canadian health officials can be caused by contact with the bodily fluids (blood, urine, etc) http://www.pcrm.org COLORADO SPRINGS: PASTOR DOBSON REPRIMANDED BY GOD Yesterday God rained tennis sized hailballs on James Dobson's office in Colorado Springs, Colorado (US) around the same time that his asst. was attacking Hillary Clinton on press smashing Rupert Murdoch's NewsCorp (Fox, called the most vulgar network on tv). If Dobson is such a public proponent of family values, why is his asst. appearing on a network whose female hosts wear skirts only over half their thighs? Dobson has chosen Bush over Jesus, and promotes the death penalty, war, and other anti Christian values. http://www.all-creatures.org http://www.hacres.com http://www.amnestyusa.org http://www.acorn.net/av the energy file http://www.prejean.org http://www.madcowboy.com http://www.ivu.org *** NEW ORLEANS PETA goes to the Southern Baptist Convention with material contained in http://www.jesusveg.com and http://www.peta.com USA CONNECTICUT: Stonington.. a student in Stonington has retracted his apology to McDonald's which he said has no business being in high schools. http://www.mcspotlight.org http:

moakley eaobiii (28/M) 6/3/01 3:18 pm moakley didnt know he was dead until ted kennedy showed up for a visit.... when ted starts travelling, its time to see the plot selling people.... This Is a Reply to: Msg 506 by ibc1224

I am afraid I must apologize rubytuesdayschild (32/F/Nearby ........) 6/3/01 3:22 pm I was quite insane earlier today. Suddenly I feel all calm and rational like. I wonder why? So I do apologize: but, whilst apologizing, it occurs to me that I am feeling mighty militant again .. and gee, I wonder why .... and I had promised, as prophesied over 3 hundred years ago, that should these feelings of militancy reappear the great god Vezuniac will arise from the molten lava .. .err... that is ... I said I would tell the tale of Mt McKinley in the Denali Mountain Range. Irks the hell out of me to say that too. Here's why: Mt. McKinley towers majestically over 600 miles of mountains known as the Alaskan range. Summit at 20,320 ft., a vertical relief of 18,000 feet, greater than that of Mt. Everest. Named Denali by some Alaskan Natives .. a name which was generally accepted by all the Natives and all the white people and every other damn person ... until the Americans decided to honor Alaska by naming a mountain after a President or some such. That's all for now Re: I am afraid I must apologize/Denali rubytuesdayschild (32/F/Nearby ........) 6/4/01 12:22 pm Ok. So .. there was this lovely little mountain called Denali. Trotting along comes this American President. I shall not blame this on him, however, as Presidents have a solemn and sacred duty to stand around being honored and quite frankly I have no proof that he wanted a mountain named after him. But still, the American President, McKinley, came trotting along and oooh didnt' the Americans have a good idea. "Hey, while he is in Alaska, let's name a mountain after him. Do honor to the President and make those blighter wretches ... err. .. other good wholesome American citizens (retch, retch)feel more like a part of the United States even though we all know they aren't .. err. . well, let's name that mountain!" So they took a poor, innocent, never hurt anyone (that wasn't trying to climb it or who wasn't standing in the middle of an avalanche area)mountain who was quite happy about having finally been given a proper name that was generally accepted by everyone and they gave it a long lasting identity crisis .. uhm .. a new name, that being Mt. McKinley. That was bad. That was annoying. That wasn't the worst. Then they proceeded to make shit up as they went along. Alaskans were the evil scourge of the uinverse for calling Mt. McKinley Denali ... un-American. Possibly even treasonous. They said Denali was never the name of the mountain, only the mountain range, that Denali was only one name used for the mountain (yes, they said both of those at the same time .. I shit you not), that the Alaskans CHOSE to name the mountain Mt McKinley (no one asked me to vote during this decision!) and how we should all be ready and willing to do honor to the President, etc... and we shouldn't let what same Natives called a mountain for a few hundred, or possibly thousand, years affect our desire to do so. These are the same people, mind you, who now say strange things about Alaskans being prejudiced against the Natives based on the fact that some American boys were shooting at them with paint balls. Then .. then .. are you ready for this? Then I was sitting in school one day, minding my own business, trying to learn geography despite the fact that Bi-Afra had apparently just become 12 other countries, Mt McKinley/Denali were marked wrong, according to someone on every damn map, the map on the ceilng of the Congressional building (at least I think that's the building ..???)showed America as having 49 states and no could figure out how many Irelands there were or which fucking country they should be said to be a part of, if any ... when in comes some crazy ass bastard who wants to tell us about London-Derry and how it relates to Mt McKinley. Will finish in the next post This Is a Reply to: Msg 508 by rubytuesdayschild Re: I am afraid I must apologize/Denali rubytuesdayschild (32/F/Nearby ........) 6/4/01 1:11 pm He came into our classroom .. this was 2nd grade, I believe .. so we were all about 7 years old. He came in and proceeded to talk to us all like we were idiots. Using small words and a gentle voice and smiling and generally trying to make us think he was Mr. Rogers. Mr. Rogers is the only man in the world who can get away with pretending to be Mr. Rogers, besides Eddie Murphy maybe. I tell you this for future reference in case you ever want to flit over to another country and brainwash their children during their elementary education and, certainly, I wish someone had told it to this man. Whoops! Come to think of it, I think someone did. At least, someone did tell him that we were not all addle brained so he could proceed to speak to us just as if we actually had minds which we were capable of making up on our own. What the hell makes you think it was me, Simon? He told us about how he knew there was some confusion about Mt McKinley and whether it was really named Mt McKinley or Denali. He told us all the claptrap about the different names, etc. He was told that there was no confusion and if there had been it would have been over Mt. Denali and why the Americans thought it was named McKinley and not over Mt McKinley since it doesn't exist Then he proceeded to tell us a little tale, by way of illustration .. a tale of two cities. But not the two cities from the book A Tale of Two Cities (he informed us) but two other cities that were really one and the same city. He wanted us to see how ridiculous it was to argue over a name and he was going to prove it by telling us a tale of how a name of a city had been changed and how very, very wrong some people acted about it. He told us that the situation was exactly the same, so we could be sure and draw the right conclusion from the moral of the story. Oh good .. we thought, collectively .. the man has finally come to his senses HAH! This Is a Reply to: Msg 510 by rubytuesdayschild Re: I am afraid I must apologize/Denali rubytuesdayschild (32/F/Nearby ........) 6/4/01 1:12 pm Well none of us really believed he had come to his senses, but one does live in hope and here he was saying as how it was ridiculous to argue over names .. . so it would seem only right that he would now tell us that he had jumped to the logical conclusion that the names never should have been changed by anyone. Right? So he tells us the tale of how some nice friendly people showed up in this city and decided it was so lovely and wonderful that they wanted to live there .. and they loved it so much, but also missed their old home and wanted to remember it too, so they added both of the names of their homes, old and new, together, so they could remember both; and how some people wanted to be bad people and not let them remember their old home and got so mad that they would attack the other people for using the name of their old home. Ah .. says I. Sounds reasonable to me. Does it? DOes it really? he asked. So you agree then that names are silly to argue over? Oh yes, says I. Names are silly to argue over. So you agree that Mt McKinley can be called Mt McKinley and London-Derry can be called London-Derry? he asked You can call them whatever you want says I .. so long as you damn well realize that their real names are the ones that the people who lived their before you gave them. AACccjkkk ... he replied. But I thought we agreed that names were silly to argue over. Oh yes, says I .. which is precisely why no one should have tried to change them in the first place. But now they are changed so ... But now they are not changed. BEcause as soon as you try to change them against the will of the people, it no longer is an issue over a name it becomes an issue over respect for the people, the culture, the language, and the land itself. says I and we are not going to have some foreign bastards dropping by and telling us that the Natives were wrong to name their mountain what they did when it was their mountain and the particular foreigners in question didn't even exist as a group. Ah .. but what about the lesson we learned from my story, he asked. Ah ... I learned from your story that there are a lot of people in the world who need to figure out which country they want to be in and then go live there, instead of flitting off to someone's elses country and remodeling it to look like the one they just left. If you like it so much, stay there. I also learned that people from London would make lousy house-guests But .. but .. he said But nothing, says I. Look, I don't particulary like the name Conetticut but that doesn't give me the right to move there and demand they change the name to Alaskicut. It stands to reason, that if you don't like where you are living, you move. Duh! If you don't like hearing Denali being called Denali then by all means, don't come to Alaska. We don't give a damn what you call it Outside we just don't want you telling us what to call it in our own fucking home. Well, he says, that is too bad for you. Like it or not, it's on the maps now and it is the proper, legal name of the Mt. and the Indian name was never a legal one, they didn't even have a legal system like ours and .. Oh no .. that's because they relied heavily on the fact that a man's word was his bond. Shameless uncivilized people that they were. and no matter what you say it is Mt McKinley now and by the time you are 15 you won't even remember the name Denali existed. So .. that's pretty much how the argument ended. I was, like I said, about 7 years old at the time. I'm 32 now. They still make maps that say Mt McKinley on them. They also still make maps that say Mt. Denali on them. When people show up from the Outside and ask directions on how to get to McKinley they are told to go this way and that .. and to follow the road signs which tell them how to get to Denali. So, anyway, that is the basic tale of Mt McKinley/Denali. Except there was some talk in there, somewhere, that was skipped over, about how the best way to honor a President probably isn't to make him look like a man who doesn't care for the feelings of an entire country (state) and especially of specific cultures of that country and to generate feelings of ill well amongst those people that festers with every utterance of his name long after the man himself had died. But then what did I know .. I was only a child.

Re: Celtic Power overcome CNN rubytuesdayschild (32/F/Nearby ........) 6/4/01 11:17 am Right. And if one were to calmly and rationally explain it, one issue at a time, it would sound like: ????? Kind of a lot to take in all at once. Out seeking the Truth today. Quotes about it anyway. Here's one of them: We are not afraid to entrust the American people with unpleasant facts, foreign ideas, alien philosophies, and competitive values. For a nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people.--John F. Kennedy I am a bit worried about that quote now as I read this headline last week asking if the movie 'Pearl Harbor' is racist. hmm ... one can only hope it is, under the circustances. I mean .. was the movie Malcolm X racist? Would a movie about Martin Luther King be racist? Was Braveheart racist? The Battle of Britain? Was Schindler's List racist? Was it too insulting to the Germans? Should we have the Jews apologize for their portrayal of Nazis? When they do, let me know, and I will flit right over to Japan and beg their forgiveness, individually, for any racial slurs which might have occured as a result of unreasonable people taking offense at them as a race during their attack on Pearl Harbor. By the way, just in case you were wondering, I didn't supply any F16's to anyone and I am pretty damn sure gopads didn't either. Can't vouch for the rest of them though! Well .. I did pay taxes, I did. But I didn't ask for any of them to be spent on that sort of thing. Come to think of it, I didnt' ask for any of them to be spent on anything at all. Anyway, you can see my point, about the quote and the Pearl Harbor b.s. I mean, if you are studying history and can't handle the fact that someone said slant-eyed bastard (just an example) about someone dropping a bomb on their home, how in the hell are you ever gonna get past that and to the real issue ... and learn from the mistakes of the past? I mean, the war was racist. Sorry if that offends anyone. But if you are really offended, then I suggest you take that up with people like Nazis and the K.K.K. and not script writers.

Re: I would just like to point out 2 thi steve_reeve_1 6/4/01 4:34 pm I would just like to point out that 1) You made me not f_ck you plenty of times and I didn't wanna do that! 2)Please oooh baby let me 3)I now wanna fuck the Queen of England and would like therapy; please? This Is a Reply to: Msg 504 by rubytuesdayschild

Re: And 4) steve_reeve_1 6/4/01 4:35 pm You know, despite the lunatic fringe, she is a snappy dresser! This Is a Reply to: Msg 505 by rubytuesdayschild

Hello All steve_reeve_1 6/4/01 4:40 pm Long time, no wee. Not that I care and either do you. Whoever it is that's insulting Simon better just not. It is a codicile (spell check please) of the contract that (oh, and grammar too)Ruby makes you sign when you sell her your soul .. no insulting Simon and you must join this club. She does bad things to knees too, so I would just watch it if I were you. I love watching her do bad things on her knees, too .. but she seldom does them in front of me and not at all to the sort of people who insult her friends .. although I have heard a rumour she will be letting two men, in a cardboard box on a bridge, have a sword duel in her mouth and she'll be on her knees for that one. Well, we all have to have a hobby!

Re: I would just like to point out 2 thi rubytuesdayschild (32/F/Nearby ........) 6/4/01 8:01 pm Uhm .. yeah ... err ... who are you again? PS: WE are NOT amused This Is a Reply to: Msg 514 by steve_reeve_1

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