Failte! Welcome to the archives of the Online Irish Pub. This is your warning so please pay attention. This is about a pub, albeit online. If you get offended by foul language, sex, graphic explanations of bodily functions or by anything else you are likely to run into in a pub, please leave now. Drinking and babysitting don't mix. Thank you.
Re: *contemplative mood* (ie bullshit mo rubytuesdayschild
(32/F/On the planet earth) 2/24/01 6:26 pm
Ah .. a mystery then. Or a riddle. Come on, it's easy .. what is Canadian but not Canadian and American but not American and Russian but not Russian and all of the above all at once?
This Is a Reply to: Msg 242 by celticsimon
holy god celticsimon
(18/M/Ireland) 2/24/01 6:32 pm
hmm. riddles. well, u cant fool me! i take it your online. u got a hotmail messenger?
so. wino germs. what are the syptoms of the obviously deadly disease?
This Is a Reply to: Msg 243 by rubytuesdayschild
Re: holy god rubytuesdayschild
(32/F/On the planet earth) 2/24/01 9:19 pm
Yes I am online .. wonder if you still are .. have a hotmail messenger .. melodyblues@hotmail.com ...
I can't fool you? You mean this whole time you knew I was the 65 year old transvestite whore who has been stalking you with the hopes of storing rabid weasels in your pants? I mean ...err. . uhm ... haha??? I meant to say, this whole time you knew where I am really from???
Yes, wino germs .. the actual disease caused by wino germs infecting your rear end is called Passda Fuesi Puesi Enurtiteass. The symptoms are remarkably the same as those generally experienced by the young when forced to attend religious services with their grandparents. A rapid diminishing of the sex drive, dehydration, intermittent narcolepsy interspersed with bouts of paranoia that old people will slap you for snoring in public, zits which break out freely as soon as someone attractive sits down next to you, and a complete inability to ever look truly cool again no matter what you wear. The worst of it, though, is that it is addictive. You will find yourself trolling the streets late at night seeking out benches recently warmed by bums against which to nestle your buttocks and possibly even spending all your money at liquor stores on cheap wine and cigarettes .. waiting at the benches and winking at passers bye calling out "Hey honey .. have I got a place for you to sit!" Which, come to think of it, is how I met my last boyfriend. So . .. hmm. .. every cloud might just really have a silver lining after all!
It's probably as a direct result of dating someone with that particular malady that I find myself so attracted to johnoohnodontbendmeoverinthealleytilyoukissme .. or whatever his name is ... I may have to go take some penicillin to get over that one! But, I thought .. hey, why not get me a bit of that johno first; you know?
This Is a Reply to: Msg 244 by celticsimon
Well honestly celticsimon
(18/M/Ireland) 2/25/01 2:27 pm
hmph. u're skirt better have been on fire, missy....
This Is a Reply to: Msg 245 by rubytuesdayschild
Whuuures lovin tips jonnodadub
2/25/01 5:15 pm
i have had a reeeequest fer luvin tips er beors. heres wan. yev all eard bout goin dutch yeah? where ye both pay for the mael instead a letin yer man doin it fer ya? well i have "goin dubla" where ye pay fer it. ye all go on bout yer equality, we'll giveit tya but itll cost yez. bleedin femmminneests. bet ye'd still shout children and women first on a sinkin ship. ye whuuures
Public Service announcement~ joeleogue
2/25/01 5:19 pm
Ok I hereby sincerely apologise for makin jonno a co founder, i did it in a fit of insanity (probably brought about by the "gear" he gave me - by the by jon i need more) but now he realises he cant be kicked out of the club and he's gone insane with power. sorry. but he has a point bout the feminism thing.
Re: Whuuures lovin tips rubytuesdayschild
(32/F/On the planet earth) 2/25/01 6:08 pm
fuck that feminist crap .. didn't ask for equal rights on tips, just wondering what you like?
This Is a Reply to: Msg 247 by jonnodadub
Note: Ruby is neither feminist nor anti-feminist. Rather she is the type who would be content to be barefoot in the kitchen, baking bread and snickering quietly to herself about her tied tubes as the man bends her over the sink and tries unsuccessfully, for the 12th time that day, to make her pregnant.
Sorry Simon! rubytuesdayschild
(32/F/On the planet earth) 2/26/01 9:42 am
Had a veddy strange Sunday involving lots of short lunatics and I had to run off to deal with the situation involving them, lunch, and a dog .. although, not, as it turns out, them lunching on the dog .. so that was nice to know. Promise I won't do that again. No I don't. But, promise it won't happen again except under similar circumstances. K?
St Patrick's Day rubytuesdayschild
(32/F/On the planet earth) 2/26/01 9:57 am
My plans are to totally ignore the whole thing and if anyone comes up to pinch me calmly point out which continent I'm on and how my name has never been Patrick, and I am fairly sure after I did what I did last night I have lost all chance at Sainthood thank you all the same.
I used to tell a wonderful tale all about my great great great great great great great great grandfather .. I forget how many greats were actually involved and it doesn't really matter as if anyone ever actually met my grandfather's they wouldn't believe even one great was involved unless it was in a phrase like "He's a great one for being completely full of .." Never mind. Anyone ever see the tv show Titus, the dad there played by Stacy Keach? My dad, whenever he sees him, kind of chuckles and shakes his head and asys "That's just like my daddy was." This is not some sort of effiminate speech pattern, or rather if it is, it is one with a long standing tradition as he comes from downsouth and downshout they all say strange things about their daddies or so I am given to believe. Hmmmmm ..... was there a point I was getting too? Ah yes .. the story was all about that erstwhile ancestor of mine having gone out fishing, minding his own business, and having pulled up along side some cliff whose name I no longer remember, to eat his lunch, he was rather surprised by a deluge of snakes pouring down on him. He had heard of it raining cats and dogs, but this was going to far. ANYWAY .. It was a wonderful story and my explanation for why people in my family don't celebrate St. Patrick's Day but I have given it up as I don't remember most of it anymore and the truth is, really, that we just like to annoy the sort of people who go about celebrating things that are none of their business. Plus, in regards to the non telling of the story there is my family motto of "Who gives a flying rat's ass?" to be considered.
Either that or I will dress in something tacky and green, go drink "too much" beer and pinch a few people. You know, same ol' same ol' . .. I did that just yesterday!
Cell 11
"Here's a reason to drink .. as if you needed one; well .. we thought you might could use a laugh at least!"
Re: St Patrick's Day celticsimon
(18/M/Ireland) 2/26/01 6:34 pm
he, he, he, u and jonno would be PUURFECKT!
This Is a Reply to: Msg 251 by rubytuesdayschild
have come up with a better idea rubytuesdayschild
(32/F/On the planet earth) 2/27/01 10:59 am
Instead of ignoring it to annoy people, I will start a war. First I will find some gullible people, probably from Kansas, and convince them that real Irish tradition involves running into churches throughout the land, spinning around all the crosses and yelling "Come on number three!", in reference to the Trinity, and then running into the nearest market place and firing three shots up in the air, in memory of .. ooh .. legal obligations not to mention any names, sorry .. and then to throw yourself off the nearest cliff, into the ocean, and hope you got washed ashore somewhere nice that needs some pest control. This is a given, if you get washed ashore, because, at the very least, they will need you to take yourself away and that, for many, is all the pest control they need to perform. Speaking of which, I am off to work to find someone to annoy and insult there. Watch on CNN on March 18th and see what it says about riots in America and know that the furry brown hand of justice has smitten again. Will try not to be drunk tomorrow if I decide to post again. TTFN
Re: I have come up with a better idea rubytuesdayschild
(32/F/On the planet earth) 2/27/01 11:10 am
What the hell is going on around here! I come take a look at the club and here is someone posting and pretending to be me!!!!!!!!!!!
Another Public Service Announcement: this one brought to you by the Ruby Tuesday Coalition : United Lying for the Preservation of Women Who Might Have Just Accidentally Annoyed Someone To A Dangerous Level
This Is a Reply to: Msg 253 by rubytuesdayschild
Re: *contemplative mood* (ie bullshit mo gopads74
(45/M/Louisville, KY) 2/27/01 5:42 pm
Ah, a riddle. I'm going to say Alaska. It's part of America politically but not geographically. It's part of Canada geographically but not politically. It's not part of Russia but it was once owned by them. Alaska, final answer.
No offense taken on any American comments. I KNOW we're a nation of arrogant, self-absorbed whiners. My only consolation is that my family has only been here since the mid-1800's, hardly an eyeblink in geological terms.
This Is a Reply to: Msg 243 by rubytuesdayschild
Re: ~Public Service announcement~ gopads74
(45/M/Louisville, KY) 2/27/01 5:43 pm
Jonno may be a bit rough around the edges but he does provide a certain ambiance to the place. Plus there is a certain young lady who I won't name (Ruby) who tends to leave a bit of a damp spot on the bar stool every time he comes in. She wouldn't be too happy if you tossed him out.
This Is a Reply to: Msg 248 by joeleogue
Re: ~Public Service announcement~ celticsimon
(18/M/Ireland) 2/27/01 6:46 pm
*mock shock* how could i throw the life and soul of the club into netspace. WHAT would he do with himself? probably attack some other more sensitive club and cause trauma. so he can stay here in this little cardboard box outside the rest of the skyscrapers. for now. anyway he from DUBLIN! and is used to cardboard beds. ahem. thats not actually very funny, especially since im actually a native dub. ah ok, so it is. noone else aroung here seem to read much messages n e way...
This Is a Reply to: Msg 256 by gopads74
Re: *contemplative mood* (ie bullshit mo rubytuesdayschild
(32/F/On the planet earth) 2/27/01 8:40 pm
Damn ... I don't know how to make a buzzer sound with my tippety tapping fingers. But , you are WRONG mister ...
Okay. I am from Alaska. But your answer is still wrong. It's part of the same Continent as America and Canada. As everyone in Alaska nad Canada, and possibly 2 people in America proper, well know. The only part of Alaska that is American politically is Anchorage and that's really Seattle anyway.
This was another public service announcenemt from the Fundamentalist Unified Chechaco Kicking Youth of the Officially Unemployed .. heee heeh heh heh heeh heeee .... it abbreviates nicely, though, doesn't it?
This Is a Reply to: Msg 255 by gopads74
The man lurches towards your stool, pointing and screaming "I knew the aliens were here .. I KNEW it!" and then he falls, gibbering, to the floor where he remains uncomfortably cuddled up to, and drooling on, your left ankle.
Re: ~Public Service announcement~ rubytuesdayschild
(32/F/On the planet earth) 2/27/01 8:44 pm
I knew a lady once who picked up a guy in a bar who lived in a cardboard box. Well, probably knew lots of them but only one who admitted it on a regular basis. She kept him. The funny part is that he ended up getting so tired of her nagging that he moved from a luxury penthouse apartment back to his cardboard box and called it luxury. She would sit there and cry and ssy "Was I really that bad?" But, come on .. how bad do you have to be to get someone from Puerto Rico to call living on the streets, in Alaska, in the wintertime, a good thing???
This Is a Reply to: Msg 257 by celticsimon
Re: ~Public Service announcement~ rubytuesdayschild
(32/F/On the planet earth) 2/27/01 8:46 pm
That's why I like him .. I like those rough edges .. great for using as a bottle opener and slicing off bits of roast beef and shaving your legs and .. oh dear .. I've done it again, haven't I?
I'd like to shag him in a cardboard box. Meet me in the alleyway right after closing, johno .. yeah???
This Is a Reply to: Msg 256 by gopads74
