Management Rules!!

Management Principles #1

An old blacksmith realized he was soon going to quit working so hard. He picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice. The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told the boy. "Just do whatever I tell you to do."

One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard." Now the town is looking for a new blacksmith.

Management Principles #2

A man hunting tigers in India was suddenly surprised by a huge Bengal tiger - it was almost on top of him. The man raised his rifle and fired, but he overshot and missed. The tiger, frightened by the man and thrown off stride by the noise of the gun, leaped toward the hunter. But the leap was to wide, and he missed his prey.

The man returned to camp and spent several hours perfecting his aim for short distances and quick firing. On the following day, he again stalked the tiger. Finally, he spotted the beast at some distance. The tiger was practicing his short leaps

Management Principles #3

Several years ago, the founder of Wrigley Chewing Gum was on a flight from New York to his home in Chicago. The passenger in the next seat recognized the chewing gum tycoon and asked him a question. "Mr. Wrigley, I know your company enjoys over 90% of the chewing gum market. Yet, last week I read where you are increasing your advertising budget by over 30%. With such a large share of the market, why do you continue to spend so much on advertising? Why not save that money or use it for something else?"

Mr. Wrigley replied, "How fast do you think this airplane is flying?" The man answered, "Oh, I guess about 600 miles per hour." Mr. Wrigley responded. "I think that's fast enough, don't you?" The man agreed that indeed, it was fast enough. "Well then," asked Mr. Wrigley, "why doesn't the pilot turn off the engines and save all that expensive jet fuel?"

Management Principles #4

Stress Management : If you feel that things are getting you down, work colleagues are irritating you and you just want to shout "STOP!!" at the top of your voice, then try this exercise in relaxation...

Close your eyes and breathe deeply. Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are singing in the crisp, cool mountain air. This is your own personal, secret place - nobody can bother you here.

Continue to breathe deeply, feeling all the tensions evaporating in the crystal clear sky. You are in total seclusion from that place called the world. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall, trickling into a pond next to you, fills the air with a cascade of serenity. Gaze into the clear, cool depths of the pond. Notice the sparkle of sunbeams on its surface.

Still gazing into the water, continue to breathe deeply and slowly. The water is clear - focus your attention.You can easily see the face of the person whose head you are holding under the water. There... feeling better?

Management Principles #5

17 REASONS WHY ALCOHOL SHOULD BE SERVED AT WORK...

1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It leads to more honest communications.
3. It reduces complaints about low pay.
4. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
5. It encourages car-pooling.
6. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.
7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
8. It makes fellow employees look better.
9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
12. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar

Management Principles #6

Corporate lingo

Competitive Salary

We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

Join Our Fast-Paced Company

We have no time to train you.

Casual Work Atmosphere

We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up well; A couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

Must Be Deadline Oriented

You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

Some Overtime Required

Sometimes each night and sometimes each weekend.

Duties Will Vary

Anyone in the office can boss you around.

Must Have An Eye For Detail

We have no quality control.

Career-Minded

Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

Apply In Person