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Welcome to the Al-Fuvla Teacher Review section, and such.
Review #1
David (a.k.a. D.K., Earl of Barrington) Kuhfahl
Rating:B-
David Earl Kuhfahl is a seasoned three-year veteran of the FVLA teaching staff. Kuhfahl is most likely one of the strongest links of the faculty. He is young, somewhat healthy, energetic, professional, and semi-intelligent. Mr. K’s only major problem is that he has trouble spelling relatively easy words. You can’t hold that against this young buck, who is working hard to make a name for himself in the teaching profession. Kuhfahl also serves as the FVLA Volleyball Coach, leading the team through a fairly good season. All-in-All, Kuhfahl is one good doobie. Hopefully he will be around to share his knowledge with young schoolchildren for days to come.
Review #2
Clarence (a.k.a. Cornelius) Last
Rating:C
To start our review section, we chose to review our favorite gym/sociology teacher. Mr. Last is a two-year veteran of the FVLA teaching squad, bringing loads of experience to the table. Formerly the president of a parochial school, Mr. Last is very knowledgeable when it comes to keeping students in line. His philosophy: “When students are bad, make them run”. Last coined the term “laparoos”, and always ensures that students run outside the green line. Unfortunately, Last’s color blindness causes students to be confused, since the line is blue. Positive traits of Mr. Last include that he gives several “HINT HINTs” about tests and such, and he is more than willing to break the ice with a joke or two. Mr. Last’s “I am Jewish” comment set the mood for the 2002-2003 school year.
Lastly, Mr. Last requires that the students participate in “exercises”. Many students enjoy the rock-and-bend exercise, where students bend at the waist ten times and rock back and forth. Another exercise students enjoy is the “clapping jumping jacks”, where students must do 25 jumping jacks, clapping hands each time they reach the upright position. As far as games are concerned, students love to play soccer in the gym with the volleyball net in place, so they can run under the net. This is FVLA’s attempt to “give each student the opportunity to excel” in gym class, and such.
All in all, Mr. Last is a very informative member of the faculty, however he is a terrible gym instructor. FVLA faculty would be better off putting in a Tae-Bo tape every day.
Review #3
Carol (a.k.a. Virginia) Last
Rating:D-
Carol Last serves as our Literature/English teacher. She is also a two-year veteran of the FVLA teaching force. Last is one of the most hard-working, serious faculty members at our school. She is a wealth of knowledge with over 30 years of teaching experience.
If you haven’t already made the connection, Last is married to Mr. Last, our Sociology/P.E. instructor. Ironically, Mrs. Last is actually a good teacher, despite a few character flaws which could be ironed out with a little TLC from her male counterpart. The entire student body was worried earlier this year, when Mrs. Last’s left hand damn near fell off. After being questioned about the white, dead skin hanging off of her hand, she admitted she had contact with some poison ivy in her garden.
If you plan to be a buffoon in class, you will not be given an opportunity in Virginia’s classroom. She will not tolerate any violations of the FVLA handbook, and even the slightest infraction could lead to a lunch-date with our favorite Dean of Students, JanBur.
It seems, however, that Mrs. Last may be suffering from a paranoia condition, for she always acts as though classroom rules are being infringed. You know you’re screwed when the dreaded “EXCUSE ME” quotation floats out of her lips.
Overall, Mrs. Last’s teaching is excellent, but personally/character-wise, she is terrible.
Review #4
Jan (JanBur) Burmeister
Rating:C
JanBur is a lead instructor at the Academy. She is teaching science after several years of acting as Administrator for our wonderful school. Unfortunately, JanBur doubles as the official Dean of Students, administering Lunch Detentions (LD’s) to students who fail to return envelopes and disrupt classes with blatant violations of FVLA code. The Dean of Students is also acts as a crossing guard for Burger King Thursdays. JanBur is a fairly good instructor, however she has a disease called “fraction freakout”, thus making it difficult to teach students math-related issues. Overall, JanBur is better instruction-wise than former science teacher Bill Parker, but does not even compare to Bill’s outgoing, casual personality.
Speaking for most students, JanBur has a higher “approval rating” as a teacher than as an administrator.
Please note that it is not our intention to insult members of the faculty and staff, but to provide constructive criticism to make FVLA the best "College-Prep" school in our area.
We at Al-Fuvla love your input. Your opinion counts. Feel free to send us your personal faculty review or comments via email to alfuvla@email.com . Sanks for Visiting, moreso!