Optimus vs. Megatron:

Rattrap: Hello TF fans!  I’m Rattrap…

Jetstorm:  And I’m Jetstorm, no autographs, please!  And we’re here for the much-awaited fight of Optimus Primal and Megatron.  You’ve known them longest, mouse, so why don’t you tell us about them?

Rattrap:  Well, these two bots have been at each other’s throats since the beginning of the Beast Wars.  Both of them have “died” several times only to be resurrected by some miracle.

Jetstorm:  That’s right.  They’ve cheated death so many times, they’re practically immortal.  No matter how tough the odds are, or how hopeless it seems for them, they always manage to survive in the end.  Real drag, man!  It’s unfair!  However, there’s one evil too powerful to be overcome by anything other than the Matrix – the Swarm!  And so we’re going to put a moat around our ring filled with the Swarm.  Anyone who takes a dip in there, and it’s adios!

Rattrap:  Now, the boss monkey and Mega-jerk have changed forms so many times.  The current situation in BM is that Megatron is in his new body, which is an obvious rip off of Op Op’s body.  As for Primal, he’s been the same throughout BM, so that’s how he is.

Jetstorm:  Just before the two started fighting, we convinced them to battle it out here in the arena, and the Beyonder transported them here.  So hang on to your power cells, true believers, ‘cause here we go!

In the ring, a massive Megatron flies in the ring in his plane mode and transforms to robot mode.  Optimus Primal scampers across the arena and hops in the ring.  They walk to the center of the ring where Jazz is waiting.

 “You heartless beast!” Optimus yells.  “You copied my old form!”

 “I may be heartless,” Megatron countered, “but I’m no beast, Joe Young!”

 Jazz steps between them.  “Listen up!  There are no rules in the Death Match.  The fight is over when one of you feeds the Swarm with his body.  Now let’s get it on!”

 Megatron and Optimus look at Jazz, waiting for him to continue.

 “That mean’s you can fight now, hip cats!” Jazz said.

 “How dare you, Autobot!” Megatron roars.  “I can take being called a beast, but nobody calls me a hip cat!”

 He shoots a missile and blows Jazz to smithereens!

Rattrap: Eh, someone better pick up Jazz’s scraps and throw it in an R chamber before the pieces get mixed with the arena’s litter!

 Megatron lets out a vicious roar.  “Roar!”

 “That’s my roar, too, Megatron!” Optimus yells.  “You copy– “

 Megatron glares.

 “–bot!” Optimus says.  “Have you run out of original ideas?”

 “That roar IS original, Primal!” Megatron growls.  “You’re just jealous because your roar is puny!  And your specialties now just are grunts and snorts!  Yessss!”

 “Slag you, Megatron!” Optimus screams.  “Rawer – snort!”

 “Ho ho ho!” Megatron laughed.  “Is that your best?  Come on, scare me!”

 “Grrrr!  Hurr-ouuuugh!”

 “That’s better,” Megatron smirked, “only next time, try to sound like you really mean it.  Try this: ROOOOOOOAAAARRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 Optimus falls over from the tremendous force.

Jetstorm:  It looks like Megatron can roar a lot better than Primal.  He gets a lot of practice from yelling at his troops!

 Megatron laughs again.  “Ho ho ho ho ho– urf!”

 Optimus transforms and shoots a beam of energy at Megatron.  The blast catches Megs off guard and he falls over.  Optimus jumps on Megatron and pounds on him with his hairy fists.

“When I’m through with you,” Op yells, “you’ll wish you’d bought my Pure Organic Soap!”

Megatron raises his massive arm and effortlessly swats Optimus away.  He grabs Optimus with both hands, holding him in place.  Missiles come out of Megatron’s chest and aim at Optimus.

Megatron grins wickedly.  “To the pit with your Organic Soap!”

Ten missiles fly at Optimus at a time.  Optimus yells in anguish, defenseless against the missiles.  As long as Megatron holds him, he’s completely immobile.

“Wait a minute,” Optimus thinks aloud.  “My rocket boosters, of course!”

Primal’s rocket boosters turn on, and fire spews out.

“Youch!” Megatron squeals as the fire burns his hands.  He releases Primal.  Optimus flies around the arena and lands back in the ring.

“You can the destroy the Maximals, Megatron,” Optimus says, “and you can destroy me, but – “

“As you wish!”

BLAM!!!  Another missile tears into Optimus.

“Oweee!” Optimus howls.  “I wasn’t done talking yet, Megatron!”

“So sorry!” Megatron says sarcastically.  “Do carry on!”

Primal props himself up on one hand.  He is badly damaged.  “I was saying that you can’t destroy the Matrix, and the Matrix wills that the organics prevail!  Deep within this planet is an organic core, just as the heart of a beast beats within you!”

“Oh, so NOW I have a heart!” Megatron sneers.  “I applaude your speech, Primal, but I’m afraid you’re mistaken.  You see, you are the last organic on Cybertron, and you shall die in a moment.”

Megatron transforms into his tank mode and aims at Optimus.  “You’re old technology.  Obsolete!  Ha!  What can you possibly do?  There’s nothing to improvise with!  Ho ho ho!  And you can’t reformat me, either!”

 Optimus stands up and pulls out a canister.  “Oh yes I can!”

 The canister blows up beside Megatron and green gas comes out.

 “Noooo!” Megatron yells.  “I’m de-evolving!”  When the smoke clears, he is in his original mode – a purple T-Rex.

Rattrap:  Don’t look now, folks.  It’s Megatron’s old face, back during the Beast Wars!

 “How is this possible?” Megatron demands.  “My cursed body was destroyed in the season opener of Season 2 of Beast Machines!”

 Optimus smiles.  “Well since you were able to change me into my original Beast Wars mode with the green gas, even though my body had already been destroyed in the Beast Wars, I’d say that makes us even!”

 Megatron let out another roar.  “You just ruined years of evolutionary upgrading!  I shall make you suffer for this!”

 “With what?” Optimus taunted.  “Your T-Rex head gun?”

 Megatron reached into a compartment in his body and pulled out the Matrix!  “I’ll destroy this, and then there will be no miracle to save any of us!”

Jetstorm:  Where did he get that?  This is getting too stupid!

 “No!  Don’t!” Optimus yelled.

Rattrap:  And dis is da guy who was yellin’ two nanoclicks ago dat Megatron couldn’t destroy da Matrix!

 Megatron tosses the Matrix into the vat of the Swarm.  Primal reaches inside and pulls it out, but not before the Swarm eats his arm!

 “Now you’re milkshakes, Megatron!” Optimus yells as he holds up the Matrix.

 A blue sphere of light and energy surrounds Optimus as his body begins to change.
 

Rattrap: Now we’ve seen this before, folks!  Optimus is using the power of the Matrix to change his body!  I bet he’ll turn into a pickup truck like Op Prime!

Jetstorm:  I bet he’ll change into a Volkswagon!

Rattrap:  Yeah, a nice Volkswag… hey!  Whatcha talkin’ bout?

Jetstorm:  I mean the Matrix has been depleted over the years, and I don’t think there’s enough juice in there to turn him into anything bigger than a Micro Machine!

 The blue light disappeared and there stood Optimus Primal.

 “Ha ha!  Now I’m gonna turn you into scrap, Megatron!”

Rattrap:  By the Matrix, he’s a BUMPER CAR!!!

Jetstorm:  Told ya!

Rattrap:  I don’t think Optimus realizes his mistake yet.  This could cost him the match!

Jetstorm:  Ooh, it could cost him a more than that!

 Megatron falls over laughing and pounding the mattress.  “Ho ho ho!  This is hilarious!  I haven’t laughed this hard since Tarantulas repainted Quickstrike to look like Scorpanok!  Ho ho ho!”

 He got up and stood over Optimus.  Optimus’ eyes widened.  “What’s happened to you, Megatron?  H–how’d you get so big?”

 Megatron laughed.  “By eating my techno vitamins!”

He stomped his giant foot on Optimus.  Optimus drove around for awhile before falling over.

“Actually, it wasn’t the Matrix at all, but a trap,” Megatron giggled.  “And you fell for it!”

Megatron picked up the battered Optimus.  “My turn for a speech!  And now, in honor of the old Megatrons, for the glory of the Pred…er.. Vehicons, for the Cybertron that is rightfully mine to rule!  I unleash the fury of vengeance!  Farewell, Optimus!  The Beast Machines wars are over!  You LOSE!!!”

Megatron throws Optimus into the vat of the Swarm!

“Nooo!” Optimus yells.  “Megatroooon!”

The Swarm completely devours every last scrap of Optimus.

Megatron gloats.  “That’s just prime, yessss!”

Suddenly, the Swarm flies away.

Rattrap:  Looks like the Swarm found meaning to life after being exposed to the Matrix.

Jetstorm:  But that wasn’t the real Matrix!  I think they’re still hungry!

 The Swarm covers Megatron, eating him alive!

 “Nooo!” Megs yells.  “Someone get the Baygon!”

 Megatron is eaten alive, and the Swarm attacks the audience.

Jetstorm:  Security!  Code Red!  Security!

Rattrap:  I just got word – security’s been eaten too!  We’re all gonna die!

Jetstorm:  Not me!  I’m outta here!

Rattrap:  Come back here you wimp!  Uh, that’s all for tonight, folks!  Until next time, good fight, good…. Good heavens!  The Swarm’s headed this way!  Aaagh!