The Amateur Philosopher
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So I was in church one day and two rowes in front of me stood this woman who was holding her child in such a manner that the child's head was resting on her shoulder and it was looking back at me, not just looking back at me, STARING at me, like deeply into my eyes, it nearly drove me insane, maybe it did.
In any event not only was this kid staring at me but sucking it's thumb, and not just sucking GNAWING & Chewing on it's thumb, that and his staring began to where me down in a manner I do not wish to share.
After about 5 min. of this I cracked and mentally (not out loud of course) screamed I HOPE THAT KID CHEWS IT'S FUCKING THUMB OFF RIGHT HERE!!!!. Just as I was finishing my little outburst I realized I had made it just after the priest said "Now bow your heads and prey" And I thought holy shit did I just prey for that kid to chew it's own thumb off right here.. in church and echoing in my mind was onw final thought: I'm pretty fucked up.
Feb. 14, 2001
So I got the mouse to almost work perfectly with Quake III, Tony Hawk is working like a champ, as is the gamepad - hence the long period without updating, but as you can see from the new opening page I've been doing other thing, and I made this nifty new pic:
Feb. 03, 2001
I bought a new mouse, an eliminator gamepad controller, and Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2, while the mouse is so bad ass (laser guided, no more of that mouse ball shit) it's controls don't work very well with Quake III and this really bothers me, the fucking game won't run on my machine and it's the only reason I bought the game pad, why oh why? Now I sit here and fantasize about a life that doesn't so closely resemble hell.
Jan. 29, 2001
Larry lived alone in his small inner-sity apartment. He had no friends and most people ignored him at all costs. Then one day, unexpectedly, the phone rang. And Larry was suprised to find himself talking to God.
"Is this 555-3178?" God asked.
"No, this is 555-7138."
"Sorry". ANd God hung up.
Jan. 27, 2001
So I'm making plans to go to this superbowl party at my friends house and I came to the sudden realization that I haven't watched a football game in like for-fucking-ever, so it should be interesting, hell I didn't even know who was playing till I asked him just now. And dig me I got my bad ass Aunt Jill's phone number and I haven't talked to her for a while so that should be an adventure, in any event I need to make some phone calls, so BEGONE!
Jan. 23, 2001
Jan. 22, 2001
OK not only is this update part of the new layout (what do you think?) I would ask you to e-mail me but everytime I do no one does so I'm not going to bother, I'm just going to mumble to myself publicly on the internet as a sort of self-inflicted psycho therapy, which (if you really know me) I'm in desperate need of, it's also to let you in on this tight conversation me and an as yet un-named friend got into earlier that made me laugh, so I thought I'd let you in on it.
Wizard_9er: I have always wanted to get into a food fight at a super market....that would be sweet....
Leviathan: hell yeah, you could get mad inventive.
Wizard_9er: "HOLY SHIT! they moved to the can goods
Leviathan: dear god, just start throwing those big ass gallon jugs of milk, like spinning around and tossing Jar Jar Binks style
Wizard_9er: and it would be like a battle station catapult type thing because you would have to get all the projectiles over the isle walls and into the isles of the enemy
Leviathan: exactly, and you could pull awesome flanking maneuvers with all the aisles
Wizard_9er: covert ops and shit to steal isles away from them and gain ground which you must hold at all costs
Leviathan: a defense barrier with rogue offensive units, they try to run past an isle and you slide raw beef under their feet to trip them
Wizard_9er: go to the section with bags of sugar and send out a blinding wall of sugar so that your forces can high tail it to the seafood section to launch live lobsters (assuming the store has live lobsters)
Leviathan: hell yeah, raw egg oil slicks, mixed with that no stick cooking spray
Wizard_9er: and include the entire soda isle
Leviathan: well yeah, but imagine shacking them up and herdling them into the enemy isles
Wizard_9er: that's what I meant.....I was also thinking we could make a game show outta this.....we have 2 teams....blue and red...and each isle has lights along the top of it and a button in the middle of it...if a blue member hits the button all the lights turn blue and same for red...
Leviathan: people could fuckin die playing this game dude.
Wizard_9er: and that shit would be tight!!! watching in slow motion some dude getting hit in the head with a gallon of milk then cracking his head open on the cold hard tile below...then his brains leak out and mix with the various foods already splattered on the ground
Leviathan: and just add to the slick and dangerous environment
Wizard_9er: the slow motion cinematography on that would be fan-fucking-tastic....the expression on his face...the exploding milk....the rippleling of his flesh....the blood
Leviathan: the other player reactions
Wizard_9er: "TOMMY! THEY GOT TOMMY! *sob* *sob*" and then while Susan is there crying over Tommy's milk splattered body blue team moves in and begins to pelt her with ammo from the caned good section that moments ago belonged to red team....and darn....blue team is all outta can openers....oh well
Leviathan: that kills me, it should be organized like the game Family Feud, so if one of your teammates dies it's like a big deal, it's not some guy you met an hour ago.
Wizard_9er: I think we could get funding for this in china or Japan....you know how fucked up they are....
Leviathan: yeah, and the super markets over there would pay mad cash to have one of our shows in their store we could be a traveling show like WWF, a new city each week, we would be huge
Wizard_9er: and like if people start to become curious as to the ware abouts of Tommy and Susan after the show...we could make up bull shit stories
Leviathan: it wouldn't matter, by the time we get this thing off the ground this won't be illegal, it will be ground breaking and controversial, we'll be pioneers, we could be honest about their death, they would sign a release form before the match.
Wizard_9er: and we can offer like head gear....maybe knee pads...so it looks like we are looking out for the safety of the teams.....but if a can just happens to hit em right smack dab on the spinal cord....oh well
Leviathan: exactly, and we could make arena hazards like randomly exploding eazy cheese cans, like in Battle Bots
Wizard_9er: specially in the canned goods isle...the canned goods isle will be in the middle....and once a team has control of that....its pretty much over
Leviathan4: yeah, we should make each side identical, and then they get more dangerous as you get towards the middle (canned goods) so like the very back rows will be like vegetables and shit.
Wizard_9er: and it works both ways too....like you gotta run up to the front and push the other team back....because the more you push them back the weaker their ammo will be....and they wont be able to fight back as much
Leviathan: exactly, and maybe we could make it interesting by throwing in a few wild wolverines like 5 min. before the show is over if one team isn't close to winning. you know extra incentive
Wizard_9er: I dunno about that....it doesn't really fit into the whole supermarket theme
Leviathan: but remember the roller derby show, how near the end they threw in the alligators?? That type of thing, we need SOMETHING like that,
Wizard_9er: rabid disgruntled super market stock boys....
Leviathan: maybe we could just take prisoners out of the psych ward and DRESS them like stock boys, like tell the mass public they are real life high school students and keep their origins to ourselves.
Wizard_9er: no no no no no...I got it.....Retarded stock boys....you know...the ones that the only job they can ever do in life is be a stock boy...and then they get all into it and stuff like organizing the goods alphabetically and shit or by advanced mathematical theroms or what ever because retards do that kinda shit.....and we have them thinking its a real super market...and we have them set up before each show...then we keep them in a separate room during the show...and then when its 5 min till the show is over we open the doors and the retards get to look at all the destruction and chaos that the teams created....and retards are just full of rage any way....but when they see their hard work all destroyed....I have pity for those still in the super market when those retards pop
Leviathan: HELLZ YEAH! they would be like the celebrities, we could give them weird names like "Tard Boy the Destroyer" And we could fuck with their heads like have a "manger" come in just before we release them into the store and tell them if the place isn't spotless by closing time their going to get fired.
Wizard_9er: ok check this....its an hour show the retards set up for 2 weeks in advance....the first like 40 min of the show is the teams battling it out...then for 5 min they get time to retreat to the pharmacy to bandage and clean wounds thinking the game is over....but for the last 15 min of the show is a segment we can call "clean up time"...where we release the retards into the area some where right near the pharmacy then the teams have to combine forces and run back through the store regathering ammo to fight off the retards....which further enrages the retards even more
Leviathan: and retards are already in general big motherfuckers, that would be some serious shit, but we should arrange it so that the retards are between them and the good stuff like canned foods.
Wizard_9er: and the teams are already beaten and bruised and weakened....I doubt they will even make it to canned goods.... but any hoot....I gotta go to work now....peace out hommie
Leviathan4: laterz bro
Jan. 22, 2001
THAT'S IT!! I'm sick of it, I've tried and tried and this frames thing just isn't fucking working, expect major revamps in the not to distant future, I'm still trying to hunt down a counter, and I have a few more pics of myself I should put up when I get the urge, other than that I'm still having fits over getting Diablo II to run on my computer again. :-(
Past Updates