Five-Minute "Unimatrix Zero"
Borg Queen: What's the interlink frequency?
Unfortunate Drone: Beats me.
Borg Queen: Wrong answer. Off with his head!
Seven: ...and then this guy walked up to me, and then I woke up.
Doc: Sounds like a dream to me. Wear this so I can spy on the next one.
Janeway: Welcome back to Lieutenantness, Tom! Now kiss B'Elanna so we can shut the P/Ters up for a while.
Tuvok: That colony was destroyed by the Borg.
Janeway: Computer, make an official entry for the ship's record: sucks to be that colony.
Seven: Where am I?
Axum: Unimatrix Zero. The Borg equivalent of Happy Land.
Seven: I don't like the sound of that.
Borg Queen: No luck so far. Cut off some more heads.
Axum: So if it's not too much trouble, please endanger your crew's lives.
Seven: Okay. Bye!
Tom: Fight the Borg again? I don't like you anymore.
Seven: May I, Captain? Please? Please?
Janeway: I want to talk to Axum first. Tuvok, invent an ancient Vulcan technique we've never heard of before.
Doc: I don't like this.
Janeway: When was the last time you liked anything? Let's go.
Janeway: Am I wrong, or are you more human in here?
Seven: No way José. Annika don't talk the lingo no different on the flip side, G.
Borg Queen: Found it! Oh wait, no we didn't. Screw it, let's just crash their party.
Janeway: Ever thought about actually doing something?
Axum: Hmm...no, can't say I have. Hey, there's a drone!
Janeway: Oo, a chance to show off my bat'leth skills and blow our cover!
Janeway: So my plan is to break the heck out of the Prime Directive, start a civil war, and put us all at incredible risk. Any objections?
Chakotay: Sounds good to me.
Doc: That nanovirus was really easy.
B'Elanna: Let's pick a really hard cube to make up for it.
Seven: There go some more drones.
Axum: Yup. By the way, we used to be lovers.
Seven: Now you tell me.
Janeway: I'm going alone. See ya.
Tuvok: Aw! I wanna come!
B'Elanna: Me too!
Janeway: No.
Chakotay: Change your mind.
Janeway: Okay, yes.
Borg Queen: Mind your own business!
Janeway: I'd rather mind yours too.
Borg Queen: I'll get you for that, Harry.
Tom: Want me to sabotage the ship for you, baby?
B'Elanna: No, but thanks for the offer.
Janeway: Well, this is my stop. The ship's all yours.
Chakotay: Can I call myself a Captain? Please? Please?
Axum: Okay, the resistance is ready to go.
Seven: Good. Just before we go: no offense, but you're a total loser.
Axum: I'll keep that in mind.
B'Elanna: The Flyer's in position to get pointlessly blown up.
Janeway: Good. Let's go get pointlessly assimilated.
Borg Queen: Janeway, you really suck.
Doc: The away team's screwed, Commander!
Chakotay: Great! Let's blow this joint. And call me Captain.
Tuvok: Hey, B'Elanna. How's it going?
B'Elanna: Not bad, except for the whole assimilation thing.
Korok: You like Axum. Admit it.
Seven: Bite me.
Korok: Word of advice: don't say that to a Klingon. Remember "Blood Fever"?
Janeway: Something wrong, Tuvok?
Tuvok: I hear Borg people....
Axum: I got a Borg! I got a Borg! Oh wait, it's just you.
Seven: Where have you been?
Axum: Setting tr--wait a sec, why do you care?
Seven: Um...I don't care, Korok does. Yes, that will do.
Tuvok: If the Queen gets me, promise you'll kill me.
Janeway: No problem. It's way too soon for this season's Evil Tuvok episode.
Paris: As the first officer, I say we bring them back.
Chakotay: As the Captain, I say you suck.
Borg Queen: Gotcha.
Tuvok: Aw, nuts.
Doc: The sensors say Tuvok just got got.
Chakotay: Changed my mind -- let's bring them back after all.
Paris: Ha! Paris 1, Chakotay 0!
Chakotay: Oh, shut up.
B'Elanna: The virus is in. Let's get out of here!
Tuvok: I think not. Oh, and would you mind killing me?
Janeway: Okay, here goes. OW!
Tuvok: Too late. Take her away, boys.
Chakotay: Let's get 'em!
Kim: Um, Evil Tuvok just killed our shields.
Chakotay: In that case, let's not get 'em.
Borg Queen: Hey, I'm suddenly losing thousands of drones!
Drone: Like me, for example. Hehehehe. Uh oh, I shouldn't have said that out loud....
Janeway: Why'd you bring me here?
Borg Queen: The usual. You know, threatening you and your ship with obliteration.
Janeway: You don't scare me. Hey, you just killed that cube!
Borg Queen: I blame you.
Janeway: That's blatantly unfair, but just to further the plot I'll feel guilty anyway.
Doc: You like Axum. Admit it.
Seven: No. I mean, yes.
Doc: Damn. I mean, good.
Seven: The Voyager away team is screwed unless somebody helps them.
Korok: Big deal.
Axum: Chicken. Buck-buck-buck-ba.
Korok: Fine, fine, I'll check if there's somebody near there. But it better not be me.
Axum: Turns out I'm actually in a galaxy far, far away.
Seven: Well, we still have Unimatrix Zero. Unless Janeway destroys it or something.
Axum: Come on, how likely is that? Let's kiss.
Borg Queen: Want to be assimilated, kid?
Kid: Isn't that a bad thing?
Borg Queen: No, no, it's fun. All the cool kids are getting assimilated. You know you want to.
Janeway: So what's the next step in your Evil Plan?
Borg Queen: Killing them all, unless you have a better idea.
Janeway: How about letting me go back to my ship to deliver a secret message?
Borg Queen: Works for me.
Doc: Hey Commander, you've got mail!
Janeway: The hawk flies at midnight. Sergeant Pepper's legions are seen on the vertical horizon. The letter J.
Chakotay: That was a secret message.
Seven: Really? I wouldn't have guessed.
Paris: Aaaaaaaa! More Borg!
Korok: Calm down, we're Good Guys. Let's go kick some Borg butt!
Borg Queen: Hey, you're blowing up Unimatrix Zero! That wasn't part of our deal!
Janeway: Gee, sucks to be you.
Borg Queen: Don't make me come over there.
Seven: Will I ever see you again?
Axum: With only one season to go? Not likely.
Janeway: Bye, Queenie.
Borg Queen: Aw, the heck with it. Blow the suckers up!
Kim: I got the away team!
Chakotay: Nuts. Guess I don't get to be Captain anymore.
Doc's Log: We kicked some Borg butt -- again. Oh, and Tuvok sucks even more than usual.
Janeway: You know, being a drone sucked.
Seven: You know, being in love didn't suck.
Chakotay: You know, not being the Captain anymore sucks.
Janeway: Oh, quit your whining.
(Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)
THE END
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