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Ramblings of the Mind
Monday, May 16, 2005
Rocky Waters Have Begun
Mood:  blue
Now Playing: TV - Family Matters

Just a quick note that yesterday sucked and Mike is back in his depressive mode after all these months. He's doing the blame game and putting me down theme again.

I knew this was going to happen. I guess we need to talk, YET AGAIN. Honestly I think it's time to part ways, but we are both kind of stuck. He would need a job transfer and I would need a place to live but we are both short on money. He wants a bigger place, so do I, but he wants his friends as usual and I can't give that to him. I want a marriage and a family, but he can't afford it and I now know he is not responsible enough to have children with me, because he can barely take care of me without be fucking resentful. He always has to bring up a god damn aid and pass me off to someone else to take care of, or get my mom to do it or my grandma, anybody but him.

I guess his mom was right, he is immature and irresponsible. I know I'm angry, but I'm tired of him getting frustrated and impatient with reality and then taking it out on me. No matter what he says I know what he feels is honest because it's always the same things out of his mouth whenever he is upset or depressed. These can range from
"Go live your mom."
"Get your mom or grandma to do it."
"You're stupid."
"You're supposed to remind me."
"I miss my friends."
"I gave up everything for you."

Would you want to marry him?

I'm no longer scared to be without a man, but I am sad that I would never have children, but maybe it wasn't meant to be and I must try and accept that now.

The campaign would fall apart and all my effort into the site transfer would be wasted. I would go back to being a bigger loser with no life than I am now.

And Mike well, he'd have his precious fucking friends, his beer, no doubt go back into debt, and fuck any girl that wants him, because he's an ass with no emotional attachment. I doubt he ever loved me. He would go on like I never existed, we cannot even be friends, he said so himself if we broke up.

Oh well, I'm building myself up so when we do part ways it won't hurt so bad and I can let go without bitterness. Easier said than done, but I will try, for him and myself.

Posted by Lisa at 2:10 PM EDT
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