The second one, the soldier, said to himself, "I wonder if he made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So he attempts to swim out. The soldier had a lot more endurance than the thief, as he swam out 10 miles before he even got tired. After 15 miles, he was too tired to go on, so he drowned.
The constable thought to
himself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it,
too." So he swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from
the island. The shore was just in sight, but he said, "I'm too tired to
make it!" So he swam back.
A thief, a soldier, and a constable all went to an antique
store and saw a beautiful antique mirror. The lady working at the store
said, "This is a magic mirror. You must say something you believe to be
true. And if it's true, you will be granted one wish. If it's not true,
you will disappear."
The thief, the soldier, and the constable decided to buy the mirror, and brought it home with them. First the thief walked up to the mirror and said, "I think I'm the most honest feller in the world." Poof, he vanished.
Then the soldier walked up to the mirror and said, "I think I'm the most gentle feller in the world." Poof, he disappeared.
Then the constable walked
up to the mirror and said, "I think ... " Then Poof, he disappeared.
Q: How do you keep a constable busy?
A: Write "Please turn over"
on both sides of a piece of paper.
A young altene was stopped in the streets by the constabulary
for impropriety, public drunkeness. The constable motioned to the
young man to step out of the crowd, adjusted his medallion, and swaggered
up to him. "What the hell you doin', boy? Don' you know public drunkeness
is a crime in this city?" The young man acknowledged that he did not.
Then the officer noticed that the sack on the man's back was full of reaping hooks. The constable said, "Tell me boy, why you got them hooks in that sack? You been stealin' from our workers, you lil' punk?!" The young man replied, "Well, no sir, I'm a juggler, you see." The officer spat onto the street, wielded his club and then said, "A juggler; well you don't say. Boy, jus' you don' give me no trouble, now, 'cause yer goin' to jail!"
The young man pleaded with the constable not to take him to jail. He offered to prove to the constable that he was a juggler by way of demonstration. He said, "You can even hold me within striking distance while I juggle for you!" The constable reluctantly allowed him to prove his point while he kept him near at hand.
Two blocks down the road at the Stone Toga Inn, Vino Nuovo was drinking it up with Puni. Vino soon left and walked out onto the cobblestone street. He proceeded down the road, trying his best not to stumble into anyone. All of a sudden Vino spotted the most unbelievable sight of his life! He ran back to the Toga and straight up to Puni, his old drinkin' buddy.
Puni turned in surprise and
asked what had brought Vino back to the Inn so quickly, Vino responded,
"Whatever you do when you leave that tavern, don't go east!. The constabulary
have instituted a sobriety test that NO ONE can pass!"
Vino and Minos were sitting at the local inn drinking
a few beers.
Minos said to Vino, "Vino, ole friend, ole pal. When I die would you do me the honor of pouring a couple of beers over my funeral pyre?"
Vino said, "Why certainly,
if you don't mind if I pour them through me bladder first."
Vino, passing a tavern, moticed a sign in the window:
"Free wine for life. Just pass the test." He went in and asked the bartender,
"What is the test?"
"All you have to do," said the bartender," is drink ten bottles of wine, go into the back yard and extract a tooth from an alligator, and then go upstairs and satisfy a woman who has never been satisfied."
"No problem," said Vino.
He immediately drank the wine, and staggered into the back yard. Several
minutes later, after considerable commotion, he reappeared in the bar,
bleeding and badly bruised, and said, "Now, where's that woman with the
sore tooth?"
A cineran father wanted to teach his elder son a lesson
about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a
glass of water, a glass of posca, and two worms.
"Now, son. Observe the worms closely," said the father as he put the first worm into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
The second worm, he put into the posca. It writhed painfully, and it quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. "Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment, boy?" the young man's father asked.
His son, a wise and learned
young boy, responded, "Drink posca and you won't get worms!"
Three guys walk into a bar. The fourth one ducked.
I spend a lot of my denarii on wine, women and good times.
The rest, I just squander.
Q: What is the difference between Roast Mutton and Pea
Soup?
A: Most people can roast
mutton.
