POET
AND DIDN'T KNOW IT.
-or-
Poems and limericks.
If you have a limerick
or humorous poem please submit it to the Vineyard Messageboard. All submissions
that make the site will receive due credit, so remember to include your
character name. Thanks in advance, hope you enjoy!
Limericks
The women in town are
quite sumptuous
Their figures are always
voluptuous
But they all carry swords
So, take me at my word,
Don't dare act in a
manner presumptuous!
-
There once was a warrior
named Ben
Who would fight with
a sword in each hand
'Til he tripped o're
a board
And swallowed one sword
And now he attacks from
both ends!
-
If there one thing I
surely have missed
It's Locanda, the constable
miss
And if not for her stave
I surely would have
Stole me a wee little
kiss!
-
A constable named Balabus
Prat
Was huge, quite impossibly
fat
But he made his first
kill
In the dump by the hill
When upon a brown rat,
he sat.
-
Beware of the plain
tin mask
He'll take hold o' yer
sack, he won't ask
And if you try to get
wise
He won't 'pologize
For the dagger he'll
stick in yer...backside.
How the pale white
rat got his crimson splotches
In the dump near the
edge of town
A pale white rat hunkered
down
And thought it unfair
that the hounds that were there
Left not a morsel of
food to be found.
-
He didn't feel well,
for the hounds wouldn't tell
Where any good food
could be found
-
And when that pale rat
saw Iridine
He thought the town's
folk wouldn't mind
With all the food there,
could they not perhaps spare
Some cheese and small
glass of wine?
-
Those folks are well
fed; why fight when, instead,
We could all share a
barrel of wine?
-
And, indeed, he quickly
was pleased
At the sight upon which
his eyes seized
For, left on the stones,
like some old chicken bones
Two small chunks of
white goat's milk cheese!
-
"What luck", thought
the rat, "I could get nearly fat
on two bits of white
goat's milk cheese!"
-
So he settled right
in and began soon to gnaw
What he thought some
old man had let fall
But he didn't realize
there were hungrier eyes
that glared from the
lee of the wall!
-
From where he was at
that ole tommy cat
was hid in the lee of
the wall!
-
That ole cat was hidden
quite well
And his eyes gleamed
like green fires of hell
As, quick like a whip,
that ole tommy cat slipped
And pounced on the pale
white rat's tail!
-
There was fear and surprise
in the pale white rat's eyes
When that tommy cat
pounced on his tail!
-
Then up walked cat's
master, Caprarius
For in these days ole
Cap' was nefarious
And he made a small
livin' from verminous skinnin'
And, sadistic, he thought
it hilarious.
-
He would watch the rats
wiggle, struggle and jiggle
And he thought it was
simply hilarious.
-
But on this night Caprarius
was toasted
And had just left a
party he'd hosted
The pelt would do fine,
but how lovely to dine,
He thought, on a pale
white rat, roasted?
-
He'd had plenty to drink
but now started to think
He would dine on a pale
white rat roasted.
-
And this thought so
please this odd man
That the bottle of wine
in his hand
Tilted a bit and finally
slipped
Upon a tomcat's tail
to land.
-
With the prize he had
caught that ole cat never thought
That upon his poor tail
it would land!
-
So up jumped that ole
tomcat screamin'
And left Cap', his drunk
master, dreamin'
But the rat lost no
time on cheese or spilled wine
In making a break for
his freedom!
-
Though his white fur
was stained he deigned to abstain
And made a quick break
for his freedom!
-
Now the warrior his
gladius notches
For each kill of a rat
with red splotches
But remember, beware!
For there's more than one there
And the dump hunter
each closely watches.
-
And if you make a slip,
or o'er a trashpile trip,
You can bet there's
a pale rat who watches.
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