Chapter Seven

Sheridan’s birthday was exactly three months after the “Girl’s Day Out” she had with Jill and Jazz. The day was bright and sunny, with the slightest touch of warmth that had been lacking in the winter months. April was the month of rebirth, Sheridan’s favorite time of the year.

Of course, Sheridan was still going insane with the upcoming birth of her son. He was due in just about one month and she was terrified that she wouldn’t make it through the pain of labor and birth. She refused to leave her baby alone in this world and now more than ever Sheridan was determined to be the best mother she could.

That started with giving her son the best nursery in the world, which just happened to be possible since Ethan and Theresa had married and moved into a small apartment not far from the Lopez-Fitzgerald home. With those two missing, Pilar had given Sheridan the go ahead to set up the nursery in Theresa’s old room.

She had even found herself a Lamaze coach that was willing to be there through the blood, sweat and tears. Jazz had joyfully agreed to be there for her best friend when the day finally came. In fact, Jazz had INSISTED she be allowed to comfort Sheridan. She hadn’t missed a class, even attending extra ones in case she missed something the first time. It was actually rather funny.

In the meantime, Jill had given birth to the most beautiful baby girl Sheridan had ever seen. She had big blue eyes and brown fuzzy hair that was just too cute for words. Little Carolyn was just the happiest baby in the world and Sheridan hoped her son was going to be just like her.

But Sheridan was finally feeling the drain from being pregnant. She was often tired, uncomfortable no matter what she wore or how she slept and always using the bathroom! She missed Luis now more than ever, but used the support of friends and family to keep her from her funk. She did love her baby, but she was worried about what was going to happen in the near future.

And to top it all off, she had also quit working. Pilar had refused to allow her to put any more stress on her system then there already was and with her mother’s history of problems during labor, Sheridan was put on mandatory bed rest. Of course, she hadn’t listened to THAT rule, but she did stop working and only went to the Youth Center for five or ten minutes to see how things were running.

So today, on her twenty-ninth birthday, Sheridan was putting up the border in the nursery. The cute dancing teddy bears were just too adorable to pass up and she was sure it would give this room the childish glow it needed. Besides, the room used to belong to a girl. It needed something more childish…more boyish…

Luis would have said that this was the least boyish she could aim for, but whatever.

The only problem was the nagging pain in her lower back. She had tried to have it massaged out when Jazz arrived with a snack for her, but that hadn’t helped. She had even tried staying off her feet, but still the intermittent pain returned every half hour or so at first, but lately it was only every ten minutes or so. Sheridan just wished it would stop.

“Sher, I’m here,” Jazz cheerfully called, checking her watch. It was noon. Sheridan had PROMISED to stop working hours ago. If that woman was still working on that border she was going to tie her to a chair!

“I’m in the nursery,” Sheridan called, plopping down into the rocking chair before Jazz came into the room. “Come on in, Jazz. I think it’s done.”

Jazz popped her head in. “It’s…cute.”

“Too cute for a boy?”

“Dunno, I’m a girl,” she replied, entering and looking around.

“Thanks,” Sheridan groaned. “I hope it’s ok. I’m not so sure what little boys like. Luis would have known. He would have been the best father in the world…”

“Sheridan…”

“I know, I know. I’m ok, really I am,” she smiled slightly.

“Back pain gone?” Jazz asked.

“No, it keeps coming back,” she shifted in the chair. “I guess I overdid it.”

Jazz’s brown furrowed. “Sheridan, how often have the pains been coming?”

“Every ten minutes or so…maybe a bit more often. Why?”

“All day?”

She nodded. “Since this morning.”

“SHERIDAN!” Jazz screamed, smacking herself in the head. “Have you thought about the fact that you could be in labor?”

“But that’s…”

“They have back labor too, Sher!”

“Still…it’s so far away…” she looked at Jazz, fear in her eyes. “I’m not due for over a month!”

“Maybe it’s Braxton-Hicks,” Jazz shrugged. “We should probably have you checked out. You know what the doctor said, any sign of labor or problems we’re to be in the ER before I can say super…supercala…ok that word from Mary Poppins.”

“I’m sure it’s…” Sheridan froze, looking down at her soaked clothing. She paled severely. “J…Jazz,” she panicked.

“Oh dear!” Jazz rushed over to her friend. “Guess what, Sher…I don’t think it was false labor and I seriously don’t think you have a choice in what happens next. You’re going to have a baby today!”

“Jazz…it’s too soon,” Sheridan’s worried blue eyes met her friend’s.

“I’m sure everything will be fine.”

At least she hoped it would be…

Jazz was amazed, but not surprised, to find out just how quick the ER in Harmony was. They had arrived with Sheridan screaming some VERY obscene words at the nurses and Jazz, cursing her deceased husband’s name as well. In no time they were settled in a room at Harmony Medical and Sheridan was no longer feeling little twinges in her back.

“DAMN IT!” she screamed, her fists clenching the bed sheets as she gritted her teeth together. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she fought off the pain. They told her she couldn’t have an epidural because she was so far progressed in the labor. Just what she wanted to hear! NO DRUGS!

“Breathe Sheridan,” Jazz coached, making the breathing sounds. She felt like a complete idiot right now!

“SHUT UP…JUST SHUT UP!!!!” she screamed. “I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER DAMN WORD FROM YOUR MOUTH JASMINE…NOT ANOTHER WORD!!!!”

Jazz backed away shocked. “Well excuse me for being a coach!” she huffed.

Sheridan glared at her, groaning as the contraction finally came to an end. “Damn that one was strong,” she panted, falling back against the sheets. Her pale white flesh was covered in perspiration and her hair was a mess. Tear tracks were clearly visible on her cheeks. “I can’t do this,” she tossed her head.

“Sure you can, Sher,” Jazz blotted her head with a wet cloth. “You’re doing it now.” Sheridan sniffled. “I need Luis…he’d know what to do. He’s supposed to be here for this! I won’t let him miss this too!!”

Jasmine sighed. “Sheridan, please…”

“I miss him,” she sobbed, feeling another contraction begin. She started sobbing harder. “No more,” she begged, groaning as the pain intensified until she was gritting her teeth and clutching the sheets again. “Damn you Luis!” she cursed.

Jazz merely talked her through it, trying her best to comfort her friend. It wasn’t easy. Sheridan really did need her husband for this and Jazz knew she was a sorry excuse for a substitute. But someone had to keep her strong and Jazz had volunteered to do that job. Dr. Russell entered the room just as the contraction ended. “How are we doing?”

Sheridan just sniffled.

Eve offered her a faulty smile. “Let’s check your progression, ok?”

She nodded, looking over at Jazz with begging blue eyes. She didn’t want to do this anymore.

Eve quickly examined Sheridan and looked at the nurse. “Dilated to ten, fully effaced. Let’s get her to a birthing room NOW!” She glared at the incompetent fool she had caring for Sheridan. What part of “the second she dilates to nine, page me” hadn’t they understood?

“Fully effaced???” Jazz panicked. “That means…”

“We’re about to deliver. Sheridan must have been quite a bit dilated before you arrived…” Eve picked up the chart. “Yup, eight centimeters…”

“OH MY GOD!” Jazz screeched as they started to move Sheridan onto another bed and move her out of this room into a delivery room. “I’m not ready to be a coach!” Sheridan glared at her as another contraction started. “SHUT THE HELL UP!!! SHE’S NOT READY?? SHE’S NOT READY??? LIKE I’M READY!!!”

Jazz chuckled. Oh yes, this was going to be hell. She followed the nurses, Dr. Russell and a VERY LOUD Sheridan into the delivery room, immediately settling at Sher’s side and taking her hand. “Ready Sheridan?”

“No,” she shook her head, squeezing Jazz’s hand tight. “I can’t…not without Luis!”

Jazz wished there was something she could do. “Sheridan, do this FOR Luis,” she instructed.

“Nooooo,” she sniffled, her body tensing as yet another contraction started. “GRRRR!”

“PUSH!” Eve called, getting ready to receive Harmony’s newest resident.

“NOOOOO,” Sheridan instinctively bore down. “I want Luis,” she cried, pushing until the nurse finished the ten count. She fell back against the bed for only a moment before another contraction began.

“PUSH! Sheridan you can do it!” Eve goaded her on.

“You’re doing great!” Jazz added.

“No more,” she cried, begging them to leave her be. “Not without Luis…he’s supposed to be hereeeeeee,” she bore down again.

“You’re crowning!!” Eve smiled and even laughed slightly. “We’re almost there. Soon your son will be here with you!”

“Noooo,” Sheridan shook her head as her back fell against the pillows.

“Yes! Come on Sheridan!” Eve instructed. “NOW PUSH!”

Sheridan shook her head. She was so tired and in so much pain. More than anything she wanted Luis. “No more…I can’t…”

“Damn it, yes you can Sheridan! You can!” Jazz cheered her on. “You are!”

Sheridan reluctantly took her position and pushed again, giving it all she had as the nurse counted. She groaned, gritting her teeth against the pain as she felt her son’s head slide free.

“Ok, Sheridan, we have his shoulders left and then it’s home free from there. One BIIIIIG push!” Eve demanded.

Sheridan whimpered, but again began to push with all her might. From the very bottom of her soul came the cry that would break the hearts of everyone in the room…

“LUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Her cry was soon followed by Eve’s joyful announcement…

“It’s a boy!!”

And then the only noise in the room was the piercing scream of Sheridan’s small son as they cleaned him up and readied him for a brief meeting with his mom before he would be taken to the neonatal ICU unit where he would be observed since he was premature. During her short time with him, Sheridan held him close, kissing his tiny little fist. “Welcome LJ,” she whispered, her voice scratchy from screaming. She looked the baby that was the spitting image of her deceased husband and started to cry. “Be strong…”

And then he was gone…

Chapter Eight

Sheridan walked, albeit painfully so, into the NICU and looked at all the tiny babies in their incubators. Some of them were bandaged, their eyes covered with cloth so as not to injure the sensitive tissue. They were all so…sick looking. It was depressing, upsetting…

And where her son was.

“Can I help you ma’am?” one of the young nurses asked as she brushed past Sheridan, stopping at a nearby crib to take care of a baby in need of some assistance, most of the babies in the area being fed by tubes.

“My son is in here,” Sheridan replied, her throat finally feeling better after all the screaming she did, but still she choked on a sob. “Luis…Luis Martin Lopez-Fitzgerald.”

“Oh! The little man!” the nurse grinned. “He’s over there! You should be proud…that little guy is quite a fighter.”

Sheridan grinned. “So was his daddy,” she headed towards his crib. He was the only baby not connected to ninety machines. “Can you tell me what all this means?”

“No, but I can,” a doctor appeared beside her. “Mrs. Lopez-Fitzgerald, I’m John Carter; I’ve been given your son’s case.”

“Dr. Carter,” she smiled slightly.

He grinned back. “Luis is actually doing rather well. His lungs are fully operational; he’s responding to stimuli and we have a feeling you’ll be able to feed him. We want to observe him for a few days, make sure everything is really as well as it appears and then we’ll let you take him home.”

“Can I hold him?” she asked, looking at her little boy in the plastic cage.

“Let’s have you put some special scrubs on first,” he led her into another room and had one of the nurses prepare her to hold her son. They placed her in scrubs and then put a cap on her head, tucking all her hair beneath it.

The nurse pointed to her ring. “You’ll have to take your wedding band off…”

Sheridan looked down at the ring. “I…I can’t.”

“I’m sorry ma’am…” the nurse stuck her hand out.

Dr. Carter put his hand over Sheridan’s. “Make an exception, Marcie.”

“Fine,” she stomped off, leaving them to tend to her other babies.

Dr. Carter sighed. “Come on, let’s get that son of yours in your arms.”

“Thank you,” she gave him a weak smile. “You don’t know how much I appreciate this,” she added, settling in the rocking chair he motioned to.

He shut down the machines and then carefully removed little LJ from his incubator. “Ready?”

Sheridan nodded. “Yes.”

He gently placed LJ in her arms. “Meet your son.”

Sheridan started to cry. “He’s so tiny,” she sobbed, holding him gently with one arm and holding his tiny fist in her hand. “Oh…is he supposed to be this little?”

“Well, to be honest, he’s two pounds underweight. He should be at least five pounds, though we prefer babies being around six. He needs to gain weight before he can go home.”

Sheridan sighed. “Can…can I have some time alone with him?”

“Sure, if you have any questions or problems, I’ll be over there,” he motioned to a crib containing a shaken baby case. “Time for her meds,” he walked away.

Sheridan lifted her son’s hand to her lips, placing a gentle kiss to the tightly closed fist. “How are you sweetie?” she asked, looking at her tiny son. “There are so many people waiting to see you. Aunt Theresa is having a coronary because she can’t bring in her giant teddy bear,” she smirked. “And Uncle Ethan is really ready to freak out. He’s threatening to sue the stork,” a tear rolled down her cheek. “Grandma Pilar is out there too and so is Jasmine, Mommy’s closest friend, and Uncle Julian. Can you believe he and Aunt Ivy are bringing in the finest pediatrician in the country for you?”

Her son still slept in her arms, not knowing what was going on around him.

“You’re probably wondering about your daddy,” Sheridan sighed, looking up at the ceiling for guidance. “He’s not here anymore…not physically,” she looked back at her son and put a finger over his heart. “He’s in here though. Your daddy was a very special man, Luis. He worked very hard to protect your mommy. I only wish it would have been me to go and not him,” she kissed her son’s head. “But then we wouldn’t have you.”

“Ready to try and feed your son?” Dr. Carter’s voice came from behind her.

“Do you think he’s hungry?” Sheridan asked, rubbing her son’s belly gently.

“Sure. Preemies tend not to cry when they are hungry, especially since their lungs can be weaker. Would you like me to get you a female nurse to assist?”

Sheridan nodded. “I’m afraid I don’t know much about babies.”

“That’s all right,” he waved over a nurse. “This is Amy. She’s the head NICU nurse and our resident expert on breast feeding.”

“I’ve raised eight,” she chuckled.

“Yes and they’re beautiful,” he smiled at Amy. “All right, I’ll leave you ladies alone,” he left.

“So, what’s the little tot’s name?” Amy asked, looking for the empty crib and the chart.

“Luis, Luis Martin Lopez-Fitzgerald.”

“Woah, that’s quite a mouth full,” Amy smirked, grabbing his chart and jotting down the time and some other information. “All right, Mrs. Lopez…wait, Luis’ wife?” she realized.

Sheridan nodded.

“Oh, my husband worked on the force with him. I’m sorry about his…”

“We all are,” Sheridan sighed. “But he gave me our beautiful son who I think is getting hungry,” she motioned to the fist in his mouth, which he was contently sucking on.

“Oh yes, sorry,” Amy replied. She then went about instructing Sheridan on how to hold the baby and tease him into interest. Amazingly enough, little LJ was quite proficient at breastfeeding. In fact, Sheridan wondered if this wasn’t Luis reincarnated. She almost laughed at herself. To think she was feeding her son and thinking about how much Luis Sr. appreciated this part of her body too.

“Looks like he got the hang of it himself,” Amy smiled. “He is hungry…”

“What happens if he falls asleep?” Sheridan asked, looking up at her.

“Then you stroke his cheek or start removing him, he’ll perk back up if he’s hungry.”

“And how can I tell when he’s not?”

“He’ll let you know himself,” Amy replied. “Right now, be happy if he feeds for four or five minutes. Most newborns will eat past that, but preemies tend to fill up faster.”

“How will he gain weight if he isn’t eating?” Sheridan worried, looking down at her son.

“That’s one of the hardest parts of being the mother of a NICU baby. You can’t force them to eat and yet they can’t gain weight if they don’t eat. But trust me, he’ll be out of here before you can count to ten.”

“Thank you, Amy.”

“You’re welcome. When he’s done feeding, which means he refuses to eat even though he’s awake, he might even turn away, just call over a nurse and they’ll tuck him back in.”

“Ok.”

“Good luck, Mrs. Lopez-Fitzgerald.”

“Thank you Amy,” she watched the nurse leave before turning her attention back to her son. Tears began to freely roll down her cheeks. “Why did your daddy have to leave me alone, LJ? I don’t know if I can handle this…”

She sighed and closed her eyes, imagining that her husband was at her side, softly comforting her. Sheridan could hear his deep voice promise that he would see her through this.

Her only wish…

That he really would…

Chapter Nine

Sheridan sat in the rocking chair, holding her son and looking around the NICU. Little Luis had gained only a pound in the five days since his birth and Sheridan was finding it harder and harder to deal with being the mother of a preemie. She would come by every day and spend hours talking to her son, feeding him and praying with Pilar. But still, there wasn’t much of a change. It was killing her to watch the other parents come in to be with their kids, some of them finally taking their children home.

In fact, two cribs over sat a mother and father, both in their blue scrubs, talking to their daughter, Meghan, who was born nearly two months premature. Her mother cradled her close, singing her a lullaby, while her father kissed her head from time to time, promising that they couldn’t wait to bring her home. Sheridan sighed. That’s what she missed the most. Having Luis around to help her through this.

“Would you look at that, LJ? Meghan is growing leaps and bounds because of her daddy. You can’t let a girl show you up, can you?” she looked down at her son, who seemed more interested in her gown then her speech. “Where is that Lopez-Fitzgerald pride and stubbornness?”

She sniffled. Her first day at home without her son had involved cleaning. She scrubbed the entire nursery in case her son should be able to return home any time soon. The second day was spent here at the hospital, feeding and talking to him. Day three was more cleaning and hospital visits. But it was day four that she would always remember…

RING RING.

Sheridan groaned, looking over at the clock on her bedside table and sighing. Whoever was calling her at five am was going to get it and get it good! Grabbing the phone, Sheridan mumbled. “Hello?” and rolled on to her back.

“Mrs. Lopez-Fitzgerald…Sheridan?” Dr. Carter’s voice was on the line.

“Yes?”

“We have a problem with LJ…”

That was all he was able to say before Sheridan hung up the phone and grabbed her clothing. In record time she was dressed and at the NICU. She was tense and panicking, hardly in any condition to be driving, but she hadn’t had a choice. Arriving at the hospital, Sheridan spotted four doctors inside examining her son. She shook with terror. What was going on?

“Sheridan?” Dr. Carter’s hand touched her shoulder.

She looked over and spotted Dr. Carter. “Is…is he?”

“No, this morning he was having some problems breathing…”

“Is he all right now? Will he end up on a respirator like the others?”

“No, no we believe that it isn’t serious enough for that. I’m sure everything will be fine. LJ has been gaining weight steadily and he’s been fine besides that. I’ll step inside and see what their diagnosis is, all right?”

She nodded and closed her eyes. “Damn you Luis. Damn you for leaving me alone now!”

The doctors had found nothing wrong with LJ. They poked and probed him for hours that day and not a single problem had been spotted. Sheridan was terrified to leave that night, but she did under the insistence of the hospital staff. Pilar had forced her to eat something and to go to bed, but that night Sheridan hadn’t gotten much sleep and she awaited another phone call.

She shook her head. “All right, little man, here’s the deal. You’ve been here five long days and Mommy has this beautiful nursery set up for you. She would really like you to come home and sleep init. So you’ve got to eat and gain weight and get all big and strong and then we’ll get to go home.”

The baby cooed and Sheridan sighed.

“Mrs. LoFitz, it’s time to weight the peanut,” Amy reached for the baby. Sheridan reluctantly released him. Every day they would weight the baby at the same exact time. They would mark it on his little chart and then give him back for a little while longer. The staff all promised that Sheridan’s touch was doing wonders for her son.

“Preemies thrive on TLC, that’s why we recommend visiting them and holding them as often as you can.”

“Four pound, three ounces. He’s gained his first full pound!” Amy announced proudly. “One more pound to go!”

Sheridan smiled. “Hear that, LJ? You’re on the right track son!”

Amy giggled and handed him back to Sheridan. “That’s right. In no time he’ll be home and with his loving family.”

Sheridan kissed her son’s head. “Just the way it should be. Then we can start to teach you about your Daddy. He would love you so much kiddo, so very much.”

Hours later, in another ICU thousands of miles from Harmony, a mysterious man slept while his doctor checked his vital signs. For moths he had been unconscious, never once opening his eyes or muttering a single syllable. The nurses all gave him the best of care; though they often argued over whose turn it was. This man was incredibly handsome and even the married females couldn’t stop drooling.

A muffled gurgling came from the bed, causing Dr. Susan Barrett to stop her note taking. A sign of life! Rushing to the bed, Susan gently removed the tube from her gasping patient. Tall and thin, Dr. Barrett was known for her looks, mind and her compassion. But this patient had by far stolen her heart and concern.

As the tube was removed from his throat, the man began to cough. Susan finished removing the tube and helped him lean on his side. “Calm down, it’s over. Just take deep breaths.”

He stopped coughing, rolling onto his back. Big brown eyes met her blue ones and he smiled. “I knew you’d make it,” his hoarse voice whispered.

Susan looked at him confused, but tried not to show it. “Do you know where you are?”

He looked around and nodded. It didn’t take a genius to know he was in a hospital. And doctors were supposed to be the smart ones!

“Do you know your name?”

He pondered that for a moment, but nothing came to mind. “No.”

She sighed. Wonderful. He was awake and hadn’t a clue who he was.

“But I know I’m a police officer…and I know you…my love.”

Her eyes met his, unblinkingly. His love? Wow, this man was delusional as well as an amnesiac! How come she ended up with all the weird cases? “I’m Dr. Susan Barrett.”

He shook his head and touched his heart, brown eyes slowly fluttering closed. “My love…my one true love.”

Susan sighed. “Who are you and who are you thinking of?” she asked, heading for the door. “Rest well, stranger. Until tomorrow.” She left.

In his bed, the mystery man fell back asleep, a smile on his face. Softly he whispered, “I love you…both of you.”

And somewhere in Harmony, Sheridan’s head was just reading against her pillow as the words fluttered in through the window. “I love you too,” she replied before falling asleep and dreaming of him again.

Chapter Ten

Sheridan walked into the hospital, the receiving blanket in her arms ready to take LJ home. She was smiling, but in her heart there was an unbearable pain. Sure, she was thrilled her little boy would finally come home, but she was reminded that she was bringing him home alone. Well, of course not alone…

“Sher! Wait up,” Jasmine jogged around the corner, trying to catch up to her long legged friend. “Jeeze woman. I would hate to try keeping up when your rushing,” she rolled her eyes.

Sheridan rolled her eyes and sighed, the smile on her face faltering.

“Smile more, it increases your face value,” Jazz sighed.

“You stole that from a movie!”

“Yea, but it usually works. Come on, Sheridan. Your son is coming home today. My GODSON, which by the way I cannot thank you enough for. Can’t you at least try to be a little happier? Luis would want it that way.”

“You know what, neither one of us have a clue what my husband would want. The man is dead. His son is going to grow up and not know anything but his mother’s and grandmother’s memories of a great man! Luis deserves a father…his father!”

Jazz sighed. “I know, Sher, and I’m sorry that he won’t know his father. Luis was a great guy and LJ is totally missing out, you’re right. But I can’t bring him back and neither can you. So getting all depressed and making your son, who can sense your feelings, get sick again isn’t going to make things better either.”

“Why the hell do you have to be so smart?” Sheridan asked, crossing her arms.

“Because it was my job to come down here, live on earth and piss you off,” Jazz smiled and stopped in front of the NICU. “Now can we go get my godson without the attitude, huh?”

Sheridan shook her head and chuckled. “Yea. Come on,” she tugged her friend into the room and they were met by a very cheery nurse. Amy had LJ all ready to go and helped Sheridan put him in the receiving blanket and then said goodbye to her favorite NICU baby.

Sher picked up his little hand and waved to Amy. “Keep in touch, Amy, we’ll be happy to see you anytime.”

“Thanks, Sheridan, I’ll be sure to stop in and check up on him,” she waved back as they headed down the hall. They got to Sheridan’s SUV and gently buckled the baby into his car seat. Sheridan kissed his head before climbing in front, seeing Jazz nearly break her spine in attempt to watch LJ’s every move.

“Jazz, he’ll be there when we get home. Relax before you hurt yourself.

Jazz laughed. “I’m just excited! I love babies!”

Sheridan laughed and shook her head. “I couldn’t tell,” she started the car and headed home. When they arrived she removed her son from the back seat and slowly brought him to the door. “This is our house. We live with Nana Pilar,” she took him inside. She carried him around the house, telling him about each and every room as if he cared. Finally, they settled in the living room, Sheridan refusing to put her son in his crib.

Jasmine was simply ecstatic, constantly looking over at the baby in her friend’s arms. “Oh gosh, he’s so cute,” she giggled, making silly faces at LJ. Sheridan laughed. Of course almost no one had been in the NICU to see LJ but her and when they did visit, none asked to hold him. She took Jazz’s enthusiasm as a hint that her friend wanted to hold the baby.

“Jazz, would you like to hold LJ?”

“For real?”

“Yea,” she laughed. “For real.”

“Please!”

Sheridan shook her head; Jazz was like an over active child. But still, she couldn’t have chosen a better godmother for her little boy. Carefully, she placed the tiny baby in her friend’s arms and watched as LJ made himself comfortable. Jazz’s eyes were focused on only him. “Hello, Little Man. I’m Jasmine, most people call me Jazz. They think I’m insane and they’re probably right, but we are all so happy your home.”

Sheridan smiled at her friend. “Thanks Jazz.”

“For what?” she looked at Sheridan. ”I didn’t do anything.”

“Sure you did. You’ve been the best friend I could have. You were at my side whenever I needed you and I couldn’t have asked for more. Thanks.”

“Aww shucks, you’re welcome,” she kissed the baby’s head. “Anything for my godson.”

Sheridan laughed. “Thanks.”

“Oh, for you too. Sher, you’re a great gal. A pain sometimes, but great all the same. I’d do anything for you because you’re like the sister I never had.”

“Thanks Jazz, oddly enough I could say the same.”

Jazz smiled. “Well now that that’s settled, what do you say to a riveting afternoon of Aunt Jazz’s soaps?” she asked Sher and the baby.

Neither seemed too pleased.

She pouted. “Fine, fine…we’ll sit and talk instead,” she giggled and they settled down to talk.

The man lay in his bed, looking around the room. For some reason he couldn’t seem to place his name, even though he knew it. It was sort of like having a word in mind but when you try to use it you just can’t find it. He sighed. He also knew there was a woman in his life and he could almost see her, but still couldn’t get the name to form. It was driving him mad.

He noticed the beautiful doctor in the room and smiled. She looked like the woman he loved, but something inside told him she wasn’t the woman. He didn’t know how to react to those feelings, so he just didn’t do anything at all. “So are you going to tell me where I am?”

Susan spun to face him. “You’re in Georgia.”

“Georgia? You don’t sound like a southerner.”

She laughed. “I’m originally from up north,” she smiled. “A fisherman found you out at sea and brought you back here. I guess you were vacationing down here.”

“Me too,” he smiled. “I don’t feel like a southerner.”

“You’re not, that I can promise. But, since you can’t remember who you are and you’re fully able to be released, we have a slightly problem.”

He sighed. “I don’t know where I belong. I know it’s not here.”

She nodded. “Any dreams of a place you know?”

“Yea, Spain, but it’s not a lot of help seeing as how I’m pretty sure I’m an American citizen.”

She smirked. “Yea, I figured that myself. Well, if you’d like I have a spare room that you’re more than welcome to use.”

“I’d like that,” he nodded.

“Let me get your release papers,” she left the room.

He smiled. Why did he have this nagging feeling that he belonged somewhere else? And why did that feeling tell him the answers were in Spain?

Chapter Eleven

“Oh Sheridan, he’s adorable!”

“How cute!”

Sheridan laughed. LJ was already a hit with the girls and he was only seven weeks old. She couldn’t believe how fast time was passing in her life. LJ was a wonderfully behaved baby. He even slept through the night, even if Sheridan didn’t. She was constantly up checking on him. Still, she was ready to get one with life and that included getting back to work.

“You must let me baby-sit for him sometime,” Jessica gushed, holding the baby close. Theresa was hanging over her shoulder with Charity on the other side. All right, so the collective IQ of the trio was about 130 (and that was thanks to Jessica), but LJ seemed happy enough.

“Sure, Jess, any time,” she looked around the gym. In the corner she spotted Jazz talking with Brian, Sher only hoped he clued into the fact that Jazz was head over heels in love with him. Poor Jasmine had tried so hard to deal with Brian’s feelings for Sheridan, but he had finally given up and decided to move on. Sheridan laughed. Obviously he didn’t really want to be the father to someone else’s baby.

The wail to Sheridan’s right brought her out of her spying and she turned her attention to Theresa, who was dampening her son.

“I don’t know why’ he started crying,” she wiped away a tear as Sheridan took the baby. “I was only telling him how happy an Aunt he’s made me.”

“You were dripping snot on him,” one of the kids from the center replied. “I’d cry if she touched me too,” he mumbled to his friend.

Sheridan had to fight the laughter that bubbled inside. “You all right LJ?” she kissed his head. Of course since the day she brought him home, Sheridan hadn’t been without her son for more than forty minutes, or the time it took to shower, dress and do her makeup.

Brian and Jazz came over, both of them smiling brightly. Sheridan could only imagine what was going on with those two. Suddenly the front door to the Youth Center open and Pilar entered, followed by Beth and Hank. What was this? Everyone’s day off?

“What’s going on?” she looked around. The kids all scattered to start playing and Jazz removed her godson from Sheridan’s arms.

“This is our way of saying you need a vacation,” she explained, tickling LJ. “Now we know LJ is too young for you to leave behind, but we talked with the doctors and they think he’ll be ok if you bring a little help…”

“And we all know how Luis was planning on taking you to Spain some day, he wanted to take Pilar too…” Beth added.

“But since I can’t possibly take time off, we’ve decided that someone else should join you,” Pilar handed Sheridan the envelope.

“We leave in two days,” Jazz smiled.

Sheridan just blinked.

“Umm Sher?” Theresa waved a hand in front of her face.

“Mija?” Pilar asked.

“But…how did you know?” Sheridan asked, looking at the tickets.

“Know what?” Beth asked.

“That I’ve been dreaming of Luis in Spain…”

There she was again. Every time he closed his eyes she was there. The same blond hair and blue eyes of the woman he called Susan, the woman he thought he loved. But this one was different. Her hair was shorter, her figure slightly rounded as if she had just given birth and her blue eyes lacking that sparkle. But she was there and alive and walking in the Garden…

Costa de Marbella…Toledo…

He could almost hear her voice as they looked out across the land, her arm around his waist, his across her shoulders.

“I love you…”

But who was she?

“I’m back, Luis,” Susan’s voice called as she entered the front door of the house they were sharing. Weeks before when he was released he couldn’t exactly remember who he was. Now all he remembered was his first name.

Luis…

It had come to him when he was dreaming of her again. The woman whose face he remembered but who’s name was a mystery. Susan was kind and patient about that. But he could tell that she worried he would remember the woman she resembled and leave forever.

“I’m in the kitchen.”

Her head peeked in. “Hey, feeling better today?”

“In a way,” he continued to chop a carrot. “I still wish I could remember her…remember why Spain was important.”

“I know it must be frustrating…”

“You have no idea,” he sighed.

“Well, I have good news. I have some vacation time coming up and I’ve decided we should look for this lady friend of yours.” She prayed he’d say no.

“We have nowhere to start,” he sighed. “Besides, you said you wanted to go visit family in Boston.”

“I see my family every summer, Luis, and sometimes at Christmas. Besides, I think we have a place to start.”

“Yea? Where?” Luis spun to face her.

“Spain…”

“Spain? For real?” He looked at her like she had two heads.

She nodded. “Two tickets to Spain. We leave in two days and we have first class accommodation!”

Luis looked at the tickets and then took them from her hands. The second he touched them he could feel her.

“I’m coming…” he whispered. “I’m coming home.”

Chapter Twelve

Sheridan looked out at the beautiful landscape around her from the balcony of her hotel room. Jazz was inside, animatedly entertaining LJ and enjoying the stability of land after the terribly long flight. But Sheridan couldn’t bear to be inside when she felt so close to him outside. For some reason she was drawn the vibrant land around her.

She smiled slightly, remembering the slides she had given Luis two years before for Christmas. He had brought them by the following July and they had fallen asleep…

And this was the place they dreamed of. Toledo’s beauty was only rivaled by the sunset on the Costa de Marbella. El Greco’s painting of the valley was nothing compared to witnessing the majesty in person and Sheridan could hardly wait to show it to Jazz…

Even if she wasn’t Luis.

“Sheridan, I hate to interrupt,” Jazz’s frantic voice filled the air over LJ’s cries. “But I think he’s hungry.”

Sheridan smiled. “Come here, peanut,” she cradled him close. “Is someone hungry after his long trip?” she headed inside.

Jazz laughed. “Look, I’m going to run downstairs and get some post cards, want anything?”

“Yea, a baby tee shirt,” Sheridan smiled. “LJ needs to look touristy too.”

Jazz giggled. “One shirt it is. I’ll be back soon,” she left the room and headed down the hall. She felt bad for Sheridan; she knew her friend had hopes of finding Luis here. Sheridan had explained her dreams on the plane ride and they all involved touring the cities like she had promised Luis. She would go to the places where she took her pictures previously and, just like their shared dream a year or so before, she would find him in the garden for a kiss.

Of course, Jazz had listened, enjoying the thought of two people being separated and finding each other in the land they swore they would they would one day travel together. It was so completely romantic, but Jazz also knew it was impossible.

Taking the elevator down to the lobby from the sixth floor, Jasmine sighed. There had to be some way to make Sheridan cheer up a little. She knew her love for Luis was all encompassing, but Sheridan was going to fall apart without him. Jazz could tell; it was in Sheridan’s eyes.

Stepping off the elevator, Jasmine headed to the gift store and was surprised to see a very familiar blond looking at the travel guides.

“Sheridan?” she called, but the woman didn’t even look at her. “Sheridan! I thought you were upstairs.”

“Hmm?” Susan turned around. “You must have me mistaken with someone else…”

“Oh, wow, I’m sorry.” Jazz blushed. “You look just like my friend.”

“No problem,” Susan smiled.

Jazz shrugged and went into the store, barely missing the man that walked up. Luis was dangling two room keys from his pointer finger and practically dragging his carry on behind him. He looked exhausted as he neared the woman he had been living with.

“Ok, Susan, our rooms are ready. We’re in suite six ten,” he grabbed his carry on and headed to the elevator. Susan caught his arm halfway across the lobby.

“All right, Luis. You go on up, there’s a few things I have to buy down here first,” she motioned to the gift shop. “We need some travel guides.”

“Ok,” he handed her the key to her room. “I want to catch some zs. Meet you in two hours or so?”

She looked at her watch. “Sure, we’ll start the tour this afternoon. We should reach the garden for sunset.”

“The one El Greco painted?” he asked, seeming to remember the spot.

“Yup,” she kissed his cheek. “Have a good rest.”

He smiled. “Thanks,” and climbed aboard the elevator.

Jasmine came out of the little store with her purchases and smiled as she passed Susan. It was incredible just how much the woman looked like Sheridan. Pausing she asked, “You’re last name isn’t Crane, right?”

“Nope, Barrett.”

“Ok, sorry again,” Jazz climbed into the elevator. She whistled as she walked down the hall, passing Luis who was just opening the door to his room. Opening the door to the suite she shared with Sher, she sighed. That woman was just too freaky.

“I was thinking, Jazz, that we could leave in a few hours instead of going now. LJ just fell back asleep and I could use an hour or two myself.”

“Me too,” Jazz nodded. “Ok, so two hours from now sound good?”

“Perfect,” Sheridan replied as Jazz headed for her bedroom. As soon as Jazz’s door closed, her smile was gone. She looked over at the crib where LJ slept and sank onto the couch. “God I miss you, Luis,” she cried, silent tears rolling down her cheeks. “I can’t bear to be without you anymore. It hurts so much,” she closed her eyes. “I need you…I love you…”

In the room beside Sheridan’s, Luis sank onto his bed and stared at the ceiling. “I feel you so close, mi amor. But where are you, darling?” he asked. He sighed. He only wished he could remember more about her. He remembered every second of their life together, except for some boating accident that obviously had left him in his current state. As he drifted off to sleep, he hardly noticed that he whispered it…

Sheridan…

Chapter Thirteen

Sheridan’s shoes clicked on the brick walkway thought the garden. This was her favorite spot in Spain, only because it was where she dreamed she would see Luis again. Sure, she loved Madrid and the Marbella cost at sunset was stunning. But this was where her heart took her first, this is where she wanted to be forever.

Still, Sheridan hadn’t remembered this place looking as beautiful as it did just now. The way the evening sunlight was falling over the green hillsides, the adobe brickwork and the tiled roofs was breathtaking. The trees and flowers were in full bloom. It was simply heaven and Sheridan closed her eyes remembering every detail of her dreams here. Slowly opening her eyes, she gazed across the valley of Toledo, the same valley El Greco painted. Right now, she felt closer to Luis than she ever had before.

“Wow, this is the famous Toledo view?” Jazz teased, taking LJ from Sheridan’s tired arms. LJ had refused to stay in his carriage and Sheridan was more than willing to comply. He was, after all, the last remaining link to Luis.

“Yup, this is the view we had in our dream,” Sheridan sighed. Taking two steps forward, she grinned. “This is the place we kissed in the dream. Here against this wall,” she touched it gently. “He told me I was beautiful…”

Jazz’s eyes teared as she watched Sheridan sink into her memories. This wasn’t going well.

“This is where we reunited,” she whispered. “Right here.”

“Sheridan…”

“I know,” she sighed, looking back out across the landscape. “I know; it’s stupid for me to even consider that he could be alive and here in Spain. I mean, I was there with him in Bermuda.”

“Sheridan, it’s just that I don’t want you to sulk for the rest of the trip. I know you, you’ll cry yourself to sleep tonight and pretend to be just fine tomorrow…”

Sheridan sighed. She hated how well Jazz knew her. “I miss him.”

“I’m sure you do,” Jazz looked down at LJ, who was the spitting image of his dear old dad. “We all do, Sher. He was a great man.”

She nodded. “That he was.” Looking around, Sheridan spotted a red rose on the nearby rock wall. She walked to it, lifting it to her nose to take in its sweet scent. “Roses,” she smiled. Tossing it over the wall she watched it fall to the bottom of the valley. “I love you, Luis.”

Luis and Susan broke away from the large pack of tourists, laughing at the poorly given tour. The translator seriously had trouble understanding their Spanish tour guide and everything came out slightly…wrong.

“That was too funny,” Susan laughed, heading along the brick path to the cliff-side garden. “I never would have thought a tour guide could be that clueless.”

“Well she warned us she was only fluent in English and French, who would have known she was so bad at Spanish?” Luis defended, looking around at the vine covered trellises leading them into the center of the courtyard.

“Mm, roses,” Susan stopped to smell a red one. “They smell so beautiful. They have to be my favorite flowers in the world. My parents had them growing at our home in Boston.”

“Yea,” he smiled. “She loved roses, you know? We had several bushes growing outside the door to her cottage.”

“The woman that you can’t remember?” Susan asked, hurt. He had been talking about the woman non-stop since they left the hotel. Her jealousy started to eat at her and it was driving her insane. She couldn’t believe she had feelings for him, especially since she barely knew him.

“Yea,” he sighed. “So which way to the view that the tour guide was talking about?”

“You understood him?” Susan was surprised.

“Yea, I was raised in a Spanish-English home,” Luis kept going. “But he never did say which way to go.”

“That way I think,” she pointed up a slight incline. “Go on, I want to stop and enjoy the roses first.”

“You sure?” he asked.

“Yea,” she smiled. “Go on, go look at the view.”

“Ok,” he nearly ran up the incline before coming out the other side of the garden and into the courtyard. “Wow,” he looked around. “This is amazing.”

“Isn’t it?” Jazz, who had her back to him asked. She would chat with anyone, including the women and men in line at the grocery store. As long as her mouth was moving, she was happy and most of the time sarcasm came pouring right out. “El Greco’s painting wasn’t even close to this.”

Luis just looked at her, thinking she looked vaguely familiar and that mouth was definitely something he remember from his past. What was the chance someone he knew was in Spain as well? “Do I know you?”

Jazz took a quick look and was about to say no when the image hit her. “Nah, I’m seeing things,” she shook her head. But the thought of Luis standing behind her was just too strange and she spun around. “No way…”

“Huh?”

“You…he’s dead…it’s not possible,” she blinked. “I mean, I was at the funeral. Ok, so it was an empty casket but still,” she argued with herself. What the hell was she thinking? He couldn’t be Luis…could he? “Sher…Sher, come here…”

“What is it?” Sheridan asked, glancing back at her friend for only a second before her blue eyes returned to the view. “I’m watching the sunset.”

“Get your scrawny ass over here,” Jazz growled. Of all the times Sheridan had to be a stubborn brat! Honestly!

“Jeeze, I’m coming.” Sheridan headed over, looking at the man beside her friend she froze. He looked older, a slight graying at the temple from the trauma he suffered. But she knew those eyes. She knew him. “No it…it’s not possible…”

“Doesn’t he…”

“Luis?” she whispered, stepping closer. Her hand touched his arm and shot away as if he burned her. He was real, for once she wasn’t imagining things. “Is it really you?”

His eyes lit up at her recognition, a slow smile spreading across his face, as the light bulb seemed to go on in his head. “Sher…Sheridan?” her name sprang from her lips. “Sheridan!” he grabbed her, pulling her into his arms and kissing her hard. It didn’t take long before they were molding into each other, hanging on for dear life.

Jazz stood there in shock, watching the pair kiss in the exact spot Sheridan said she dreamed of him in. This was surreal. Pinching herself, she jumped. Ok, she wasn’t dreaming and this was really happening! Wow, this would make one heck of a movie! Or a soap plot! “What do you know, LJ, Mommy found Daddy.”

LJ smiled in his sleep and snuggled closer to Jazz. He didn’t care; he really didn’t know who Daddy was but if Mommy was happy, it was all good.

“Well as long as you’re happy,” she teased.

“Luis, I was thinking we could…” Susan stopped dead in her tracks. “Luis?”

He slowly pulled away from Sheridan and turned to face the woman he had been living with for the last few weeks. His smile was bright, radiating his happiness. “Susan, this is Sheridan…my Sheridan.”

“I assumed so,” she forced a smile. “Susan Barrett.”

“Sheridan Lopez-Fitzgerald, his wife,” she stepped around Luis to introduce herself and froze. It was like looking into a mirror and she couldn’t believe it. The blue eyes, the blond hair…she could have been her identical twin had she not be three inches shorter.

Susan shook her head; it couldn’t be the same Sheridan. It wasn’t possible that this was the woman her mother Katherine has spoken so highly about. The same little girl her mother had been forced to leave behind, the one she confessed to having when she had taken ill a few year before, the year she died.

LJ cried, interrupting the moment.

“Sher, I think he has a dirty diaper,” Jazz pinched her nose with one hand. “I’m pretty sure of it actually.”

“Oh, come here peanut,” she took her son. “Mommy’s got you now.”

“Mommy?” Luis asked, looking at Sheridan. “Sher?”

She smiled. “Your son,” she showed him the baby. “Meet Luis Martin Lopez-Fitzgerald.”

Luis’ eyes filled with tears. He had a son. “Oh Sheridan,” he took the baby from her, gently holding him against his strong chest. “Hello sprout,” he kissed his son’s head. “Oh Sheridan, I’m so sorry I missed so much,” a tear rolled down his cheek. He hadn’t been able to see her pregnant, to help her through labor or to hold his son when he was first born.

“You’re here now,” she smiled, kissing his cheek. “That’s all that matters.”

Epilogue

A cool summer breeze blows gently as I look our across the vast ocean, the sunlight dancing on the blue ocean waves as the sun slowly set. I can smell the roses from the nearby trellis and hear the music as it floats on the air. I smile. It is my second wedding day.

The breeze blows again, shifting the light off-white dress I wear and causing wisps of my hair to flutter on my cheek. Today is July 14th and it has been exactly one year since I eloped with Luis in Bermuda. It’s only appropriate that we renewed our vows this afternoon and are now in the midst of a beautiful party in our honor. I sigh. Everything is finally perfect.

I turn to see my husband tickling our son, who isn’t quite old enough to respond to the stimulation just yet. But it doesn’t matter, he’s our miracle baby and we love him so much. The doctors are simply amazed by how wonderfully he is doing for an underweight preemie. He’s growing by leaps and bounds and hasn’t been sick since he left the hospital. I think the last few weeks are all thanks to his father though and I am so happy Luis is home.

With a smile I slowly head back to the party, noticing Jazz and Brian dancing on the makeshift dance floor. Finally they are together…well almost. Jazz has gotten him to start dating her, even if both of them are totally oblivious to the fact that they are madly and deeply in love with each other. And here’s the best part. His name isn’t Brian. It’s Antonio! He’s been gone so long that no one realized it and he didn’t want to admit it. He spilled his guts when Luis noticed the resemblance he had to Martin’s family, especially around the eyes. Pilar never looked happier than the moment she realized her missing son was home, and had been for nearly a year. Talk about coincidences…

And then there was Susan. We’re sisters you know…half sisters actually. She doesn’t know who her father is and was raised by one of my mother’s younger sister’s. In fact, she’s had been living in Boston before moving south and wasn’t planning on ever moving back. Now that she knows she has a sister and a nephew, she’s considering a move to Boston. I’m not sure how I feel about her, especially since I know she was falling for Luis. Then again I also can’t believe that I have a sister at all; after all I thought my mother had passed away. But I guess stranger things have happened in my life. Way stranger things in fact…

“Sheridan, angel, are you ok?” Luis greets me with a bright smile as our son spits up on his suit. I smirk, fighting a laugh. “Figures, I knew that was going to happen too. He had that look in his eyes.”

I burst out laughing. “I didn’t know they have an ‘I’m going to puke all over you’ look,” I remove our son from his arms, wiping his face with a nearby rag. “I bet your tummy feels all better now.”

“It better, I’m wearing his lunch!” he laughs.

“Mija! Mijo! You should be dancing! It’s your wedding day!” Pilar sweeps LJ from my arms before pulling Luis from his chair. “Go! Dance!”

“Actually, Mama, it’s our anniversary,” Luis corrects, taking my hand. “But I don’t mind the dancing part.”

“You’ll have to remove the jacket first,” I tease. “It smells like breast milk.”

“Thanks,” he tosses his suit jacket onto the chair and pulls me into his arms. “Would you care to dance, Mrs. Lopez-Fitzgerald?”

“I thought you’d never ask,” I kiss him sweetly before we walk out to the dance floor. I can hardly believe what song begins to play as we stand there. “There you’ll be,” I whisper.

“What?” he asks, totally oblivious to the music. He seems focused only on me.

“The song,” I reply. “It’s called There You’ll Be…” I start singing along “In my heart there’ll always be a place for you for all my life…”

“I love you,” he kisses me, continuing to sway with me on the floor. His arms are like being wrapped in love and I can hardly breathe when he kisses me. Thinking fails when he even looks at me! I’m so in love with him that my heart feels like bursting.

When we part, I sigh and whisper, “I love you too, Luis, forever…”

“And always.”

A few cameras snap the moment on film, but I don’t see anyone or anything anymore. The cold lonely Christmas is fading from my memory because I have my Luis again. I shared with him the pain of going into labor early, dealing with a NICU baby and the terror of bringing him home. Luis read the journal I kept from the day I found out I was pregnant until now. He’s healing the wounds one by one and every moment I’m with him makes me forget one where I didn’t have him. But I guess I always had him because Luis was my heart…

My soul…

My strength…

And the reason I was able to wake up and face a new morning.

He was with me in LJ and Pilar, in the house and the Youth Center…

And our wedding bands are engraved to remind us of the unbreakable bond we share now and always. They simply read: Always in my heart, there you’ll be.

And I know it’s true, because I’ve seen just what our love can conquer and just what it can survive through. I’ll never be alone again, because everywhere I am, that’s where he’ll be.