A Tunnels and Trolls® play-by-post adventure run by khara_khang
Beezer comes to with a start. Picking his head off the table he looks around. Where is he? It's the BFT, but it looks strangely different... AAAAH!! It is then that he realizes he dozed off, and is now COMPLETLY SOBER!!! "Bartender! a gallon of your best troll spittle!!" Glug Glug Glug...AAAh! As Beezer's eyes begin to haze over, a large and hulking figure enters the room, followed by 3 multicolored minions, all bearing strange arcane symbols upon their heads! The huge purple leader steps forward, puts down his purse, and draws a great Shamsheer, and, looking over the tavern, hisses..."hwoo tol da tewutubby puddin?!?"
Pointing my finger at Beezer, i state, "Don't even talk about the dancing thing, i've heard all the jokes already!"
Seated two bar stools down from Beezer, i turn to look at the new 3 multicolored minions. "Sorry, the Hobbit is not here and we no speakthay stupidithay. We r not buying any Shamsheer's today, so put it away! Those went out with the Orcish bell-bottom pants like Jax wears."
As Lamia jests at Beezer's situation, he scans the seemingly empty bar. Maybe it's just a dream! Just who the heck is in here slurping grog?! Just then the purple freak cleaves his table with the shamshear, and grabs Beezer by the throat. "AAKT!" gasps Beezer as the thing pulls him closer, yelling, "Tmash da chiky!"
"Oh my god," thinks Beezer, "I'm going to get my ass kicked by a TELETUBBY!"
We interrupt our regularly scheduled posts for this important announcement. Desuma Malevois is, unfortunately, lost somewhere in time in the adventure titled "Lizardmen in Red Water Bay." As an interim measure, we have arranged for a very special guest star to fill her veil; so without any further ado, here's the dread Wizard Rogers, who just happened to be in the neighborhood.
Facing the audience, as he puts on his magic blue sweater and white canvas shoes, singing "It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day in the neighbor...."
Exiting his room, which is an interdimensional nexus for all time and space, he steps into the bar, squeezes past the four Teletubbies™, and sits down next to Lamia. "Hi, neighbor," he says.
Watching StinkyWinky [sic] choking the chicken (eeeeeuuwww), Rogers decides to come to the rescue. "You know, it was the strangest thing," he says, "but I just saw a big purple dinosaur outside slurping a big bowl of TubbieCustard™."
Upon hearing this, the purple tubbie leads the other three out of the bar; unfortunately, he has forgotten to release Beezer, and, still being choked in a relentless grasp, the rubber werechicken bounces out the door.
Wincing in sympathy, Rogers says, "Ohh, that's gotta hurt," as he heads towards the tavern door.
"Hi Mr. Rogers, glad u could come to our neighborhood! Hey! Wait, i wanta' see this too!" Taking my drink i follow him to the door. Seeing Beezer being choked and beaten has become a regular past time while alone and in the company of friends.
It's a beautiful day outside the BFT!
Lamia and Rogers came to see,
"tame to tee"
Tinky swinging round beezer, WEEE!
aaAAHHhhaaAARRggaaAAHHhheeEEEEE!
Letting go on the count of three
"oon..Toow..teee!"
Beezer smacks into a tree!
"Chiky mak ito a tee!"
End of story..."he he he!"
Disclaimer: While Beezer was, in fact, seriously injured during the filming of this scene, he was given enough grog to numb the pain 'til the morning!
Lamia went on to win the fableg gem of Fred in a drinking contest, wrote the 76th edition of T&T, and retired fat and alone in a dark dungeon somewhere.
Mr. Rogers came out of the closet, and he and Tinky Winky lived a long and happy life choking many more chickens.
The other Teletubbies formed a bandit group killing the weak and inocent, until one day when Barny consumed them all.
Beezer1st went on misspelling words and writing dumb and annoying posts, until the members of the BFT, once again decided to delete the club and start it over under a new name... This attempt to be rid of him also failed.
Hobbit_king, though not a part of this story, read all the way to the end of this post, just so I could call him a short pimple faced little mushroom snorter!
On some other adventure not even in Khazan I awaken suddenly, realizing I could have been a part of something so short and wonderfully named TinkyWinkyRinkyDinky. Closing my mushroom snuff box I put it away and think to myself how I should somehow be ashamed, then I think of Mr. Beezer and laugh... remembering how he used to be able to make me laugh with his sharp quips.
Reaching into my pocket I pull out the famed and now cleaned Mr. Beezer tooth I swallowed and then passed later ever so painfully.
[Hobbit_King refers to another interlude, lost in The Great Website Holocaust™ of '00, called Ca'junn the Blackened Sword. --ed.]
P.S. If I turn up dead, DESUMA DID IT!!!
Seeing Mr. Beezer's dead chicken body floating bloated in the canal I poke it with a stick. Yes, it is still rubbery. Thinking to myself I imagine it was that last Lamia comment which killed him. Even knowing that, we still blame Desuma.
P.S. DESUMA DID IT!!!
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