A Tunnels and Trolls® play-by-post adventure run by hobbit_king
All of you are in the same 20' by 20' foot dungeon room 200 feet below the city of Khazan. Each of you are here because of some small crime. You see nothing within the empty room except a single wooden door exiting the room. What do you do?
If no one else is going to join me, I will approach the door.
The door reaches out and grabs you by the hair, pulling you up against it. "Hair to today, gone to-morrow. Forethought is better than forbearing. A barred door saves nine!" Struggling, you pull free from its grip, but you leave a little bit of hair behind.
"Ha, ha, ha... you hair it? I got you!" yells the crazy door.
Dash laughs a hearty belly-filled laugh at the Lamia's unfortunate hair-pulling experience. He looks around the room at the other prisoners to see if they're laughing too, then realizes ("Ulp!") there aren't any other prisoners....
...except for the slime-mutant in the corner, which suddenly transforms into a Rock Person.
"Lemme at dat door! It's clobberin' time!"
"Eeeuuuw!" Dash says to Lamia. "Look at the Thing over there! What a fantastic creature! Just think, one more and there will be four of us."
"What you laughin' at? That wasn't funny!" she scolds the laughing Dwarf. "Maybe you should have a go at it, Pip-Squeak!"
Being the only X-man (as in woman), I nimbly get out of the way as the Rock Person charges the door like an encumbered rhino. I wonder why these two newbies look so familiar.
Snark charges the door. Just seconds before he impacts it, the door screams "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhheeeee!" and opens itself out, allowing Snark to charge right on through it. Outside the door is a four foot wide ledge going right and left. Anyone going straight (as in Snark) will fall off the ledge into blackness. The narrow ledge is slightly lit up by glowing fungus (about the same brightness as those glowing strips in movie theaters).
Snark must make a SRG or Saving Roll Guess at +2. Pick a number between 1 and 10 and add it to your next post.
Taken off guard by the door's autonomy, Snark tries to stop before the ledge, and sparks fly as rocks grind together in the desperate attempt. "Sheesh, dis is gonna hurrrrrrt!"
SRG = 5.
Snark makes his SRG easily and grinds to a sudden halt just inches short of the edge. To your right along the ledge about ten feet away, you see a single Goblin standing surprised. In one hand he holds a handful of marbles and in the other, he holds a small paper sack. Dressed in green pants and a red shirt he turns and runs away. On the back of his shirt you read the words, "Don't chase me because I'm only worth 17 Adventure Points." Like any fleeing small Goblin, he speeds away as fast as his feet will carry him. His long ears flap wildly.
While the door still stands open, I hurry through it, turning to the Dwarf briefly to say, "You coming, or you just gonna stand around grinning?"
Dash pipes down enough to realize that fun 'n' games in the prison cell are over---for now. "Yeah, I'm coming," he says, looking around the room. "Anybody else? Dirt, slime, rats, anybody?" He grins again and shuffles out the door. "By the way, how'd we get here?"
The top half of the door swings shut, striking Dash in the forehead as he staggers out onto the ledge out of the door's reach. "Ha, ha, ha... Dwarf's head is empty anyway!" says the crazy door. The bottom half of the door also closes.
Caught by the city guards doing something minor, such as peeing in an alley, you were taken before the Magistrate. A very large brutish Orc in a black gown with tiny glasses looked at you. He asked, "How do you plead, scum?" Of course being more or less innocent, you said, "Uh, er... uh, not guilty!" then tried to explain to him your name was not "Scum."
Slamming his gavel down, the Magistrate said, "With all the evidence, I find you guilty as charged! Send 'em to the Dungeon!"
"What evidence?" you shouted in protest, but no one answered you.
The guards dragged you to a sliver circle on the floor across the room. One of them muttered to you, "If you can escape, you can go free; if not, no great loss!" Pushed into the circle, you were teleported into the room where this adventure began, 200 feet below Khazan.
Adventure points or not, this Goblin may know the way out! Snark morphs into a Warg just as Dash smacks his forehead on the door. He turns around to face Lamia and Dash milling about. "Grrrowl, this is just too much!" Snark looks ceilingward, "Do I always have to be surrounded by nincompoops?"
Snark then hauls Warg ass after the Goblin, calling out, "Hey wait up, Goblin!" <pant, pant, tongue hanging out> "I'll give you a lift!" <schlorp! sticking tongue back in>
Dash kicks the door. "Yeah, uh, you better be glad my head is empty." His feeble attempt at a come back does little to help him recover from the embarassment of being pegged in the head by a piece of vituperative wood. And he doesn't even know what "vituperative" means.
"I'm a nincompoop? Humph!" I say, noticing the Dwarf kicking at the door and the other creature changing into a Warg and chasing after a Goblin. "Don't chase after him, that's... what... he... wants!" I let my voice trail off.
The crazy door removes a 2 by 4 from itself and thwaps the door-kicking Dwarf about head and shoulders.
Dash---make one SRG at +2. If you fail, the 2 by 4 wielding door has knocked you unconscious. If you make it, you stagger away like a town drunk.
"This is what we call a dash of nightstick! Want a second helping, vile door kicker?" asks the laughing door.
Before the chase even begins, the lone Goblin empties his sack full of marbles on the ledge as he runs, and the ledge changes into a corridor.
If you continue, Snark, make one SRG at +0. If you fail, you slip and fall down (no damage), but the Goblin gains distance and maybe escapes.
SRG = 7.
"Inconceivable! Lost its marbles!" Snark growls, dribbling slobber all over the ledge. But nobody tells Snark the Warg what he cannot do! Not even some pouty ol' Lamia. Besides, Wargs can't resist a fleeing target!
Snark launches his sleek lupine form into the air to start the ill-advised chase. When he reaches the marbles, he scrambles to avoid them. "Aarrgh!" he exclaims sheepis---er, wolfishly, "This is gonna hurt!"
SRG = 3.
Dash staggers away, seeing little tweety birds, but keeps what little senses he has left (Dash made his SRG), although the door has disrupted his speech and walking patterns momentarily. Taking him by the arm, Lamia leads Dash away, following Snark. "Want some more of that, half-pint?" yells the door from behind you.
Losing his traction, Snark's legs spread out in all four directions (Snark failed his SRG). The Low Adventuring Point Goblin™ continues running, turning right at a fourway intersection and continuing down it out of sight. Do you jump up and continue the chase or give up?
"Ow-ow-ow-ow!" Snark the Warg growls defiantly as he spins out. "Grrrr---how embarasking!" He slides a few yards, pirouetting most un-Wargly, then jumps right back up and continues the chase. "No more Mr. Nice Warg!" he slobbers frothingly.
Building up new speed again, you (Snark) slide around corner after the Goblin, who is now at far end of the long corridor, which this time turns only right or left. Seeing your sudden reappearance, the Goblin yells "Eeek!!!" and turns left, still running.
With your incredible Warg-like speed, you bound down the hallway, leaving your new friends far behind. Turning left as did the Goblin, you slide to a stop as you see a 20 foot tall Balrog standing in the middle of the corridor. The small Goblin darts between the Balrog's legs and keeps running. There are three doors along the right wall past the Balrog and the Goblin enters the third door. He closes it behind him.
"Hey, let's see where our fellow former prisoner is headed," Dash says to Lamia, trying to see through the Lucky Charms array of shapes circling his head. "Besides, I ain't got nothin' better to do!" He gives a sneer at the door, making sure he's out of the door's reach first.
"I agree, let's go find him/it. Don't worry, you showed the door you could take more than it could ever give!" Nodding, I make a winking smirk only the reader will ever see/read. Seeing the Goblins lost marbles, I stop and pick up a handful before catching back up with the Dwarf, who seems to walk funny.
"My name is Lamia by the way. What would yer name be?"
Assuming that I am in the 20'x20' room and must still get past the crazy door, I approach it (but not too closely) and ask it if it will allow me safe passage through.
"Why yes, you may pass... thank you for asking." The door swings open and you hurry through it.
Outside the door is a four foot wide ledge going right and left. Anyone going straight would of course fall off the ledge into blackness. The narrow ledge is slightly lit up (as are all the corridors) by a glowing fungus (about the same brightness as those glowing strips in movie theaters). Turning right, you see the ledge eventually turns into a corridor. At a four way intersection down that corridor you see a very pretty Human female about your age and a stout male Dwarf walking in a hurry.
Avoiding some loose marbles, you hurriedly catch up with them as they turn right and continue walking. A moment later you join them and the three of you introduce yourselves.
I pause briefly to thank the door (after all, good mannners never hurt anyone!).
I again pause momentarily to scoop up a handful of loose marbles and put them in my pocket. When I get the chance, I intend to fashion a crude sling out of cloth ripped from my garments, and the marbles might make good ammunition.
"Hi, my name's Jack. It's a pleasure to meet you."
"Hi Jack, I'm Lamia and my courageous yet waggish Dwarven friend here is Dash. We are also pursuing another incarcerated fellow who has brazenly run ahead. He never told us his name. Hmmmm, you seem very familiar Jack. Did you ever do lewd performances anywhere?"
"Well, that depends---did you like them?"
If Lamia's answer is "yes," then I reply, "Yes, that was me!"; if she answers "no," then my reply is "Sorry, must have been some other guy."
"At any rate, I guess we'd better catch up with your brazen friend."
"Grrrrowl, what next? Santa Claws?" Snark snarls, his fangs bared and his ribs heaving from the now-subsiding thrill of the hunt. "Right, hi Mr. Balrog. Just passing through, don't mind little ol' me. And perchance, do you know the way outta this nuthouse? I musta taken a wrong turn back at Alboiquerkie!"
Dash offers a nod to Jack as he is introduced. "Never shake a rogue's hand," he thinks, "lest he steal the ring off it." Then he remembers, he doesn't have any rings on his fingers.
Dash does not pick up any marbles. If he were to drop them, he wouldn't want to be talked about as having lost them. "Let's get on with it, eh? I wanna see what the marble Goblin is up to."
"Yes."
Our introductions over, we hurry on.
Together you (Jack, Dash, and Lamia) all round the corner and see the 20 foot tall Balrog in front of Snark. You also see three doors along the right wall past the Balrog.
"Ah, I see the cavalry is here," Snark says, rolling his eyes ceilingward again.
"Well, true-believers, 'Rog there ain't a conversationalist, so I guess I shouldn't morph into a Sphinx. But he's blocking the way to the Goblin, who went in the third door yonder."
"Any bright ideas, bright eyes?" Snark asks Lamia, then turns to Dash and Jack. "Not you, short stack and hu-mann, you two might bust a synapse."
No offense intended folks! Snark has many personalities [see his character description -- ed.], and this is one of his most sarcastic!
"Just one dumb idea." Removing a single marble from my pocket, I defiantly hurl it at the Balrog which fills the corridor.
Knowing just how powerful a Balrog is, most of you stand in awe of it. An adult Balrog could easily rip apart an adult Dragon, and they are immune to almost all non-magical damage. The thrown marble hits the laminated life-size cardboard stand up of a Balrog with a resounding thud, and then bounces off, rolling back towards your feet.
Dash's knees buckle and he leans forward to steady himself as he laughs a burly dwarven laugh at the cardboard cut-out. "Dang, I gotta get me one of those!" He tries to calm down but can't until several minutes pass. Catching his breath, he heaves himself upright and says to the Snark, "Third door, eh?"
"Uh, right Gelfling," Snark mutters, still in disbelief.
He turns his muscular neck back toward the Lamia. "Nice goin', toots! I knew you had the marbles!" And with that, Snark the Warg resumes his chase.
Moving the carboard cutout out of the way, I turn it toward Snark (although I don't know his name) and from behind it I go, "Grrrrrrr!"
Once finished with my fun, I go to the third door.
Even casually touching the door causes it to swing open revealing a huge one hundred by two hundred foot room with a thirty foot high vaulted ceiling, held up by more than thirty thick pillars throughout the room. The entire room is lit magically from above. You see hundreds of stuffed creatures of all shapes and sizes, each standing on a small raised piece of wood with a name on it.
In a fanned area before you, you see; a Jabberwocky, a Gremlin, a Polar Bear, a Sabertooth Tiger, a Snow Lizard, a huge blue Toad, a Cockatrice, a Bugbear, a Fire Beetle, an Owl Bear, a 40 foot Python, an Orc, an Elf, a Hobbit, a Medusa, a Gnome, and a blue War Troll. Those are just some of the stuffed creatures you see in the room before you. Each stands in a particular pose to suit its type. Narrow walkways weave throughout the entire room.
You do not see the Goblin anywhere. What do you do?
Seeing the array of creatures, stuffed as they may presently be and laid out before us, Dash quickly decides that he doesn't want to enter this room. "This smells of 'really obvious trap' to me. Why are we chasing the dumb Goblin anyway? Let's go see what's behind the other doors." Dash checks for marbles on what part of the floor he can see, or any footprints which might reveal which way the Goblin went, just in case his fellow prisoners decide to go into the room anyway.
"That sounds like a good idea, Dash, especially since we don't see another way out of this room." Jack tries to memorize the positions of as many of the stuffed animals as he can; if they should ever have to reenter this room anything out of position might indicate an area to be careful around.
Lamia, nice job with the marble!
"Oh, this is too much! Fer cryin' out loud, people, the whole place reeks of 'really obvious trap'! There's a Goblin in here, and he knows the way out!" Snark's words change volume, tempo and timbre dramatically, as he morphs into a Fire Elemental in mid-sentence.
Snark the Fire Elemental appears as a small floating, living flame. In a voice that crackles softly like hot sap, and spreads with a subtle but grave intensity, Snark says, I shall circumnavigate yon room, good chaps, to ascertain any viable egress! Never fear, I shall return!
With that, Snark floats into the room to investigate the stuffed animals, look for an escape, and find the Goblin.
WE APOLOGIZE FOR THIS POST; THE GM RESPONSIBLE HAS BEEN SACKED.
This game has ended due to lack of GM participation. Anyone wishing to take control of this game as GM may do so! Bye!
Huhh? Wha' hoppened?
Suddenly, a portal of sorts opens up and out steps a burly Dwarf with a crown on his head that shimmers with magic. The crown speaks acridly, "Hurry up, Crash, I can't keep this portal open forever!" The Dwarf, who looks strikingly similar to Dash, grabs the trapped prisoner and says, "You're coming with me, Gnarly!" Startled and too surprised to resist, Dash also sees this as a way out of the dungeon. The two Dwarves jump in and vanish within the magic opening, which remains open for a few seconds after they disappear.
The portal is a gateway to the world of Sigil, a land with portals to every world imaginable and borrowed from 2e AD&D. Crash's crown, a Minor Helm of the Multiverse, can sniff out such portals and keep them open. Believe it or not, he actually found himself one of these in an adventure back in 1995. Dash lives out the rest of his days adventuring in the time and space streams of the multiverse with his time and space-crossed cousin, Crash, never to be heard or seen from again on Troll World.
Seeing the portal to Sigil open up, yet having no desire to enter an unknown universe where Luck isn't even a characteristic, Jack follows a wild hunch by leaping into the room and grabbing the stuffed blue toad. Immediately the animal disappears and a second portal opens up---beyond the entrance may be seen a rather famous local tavern. The clinking of mugs and the giggles of Orc barmaids may be heard. Jack steps into the opening, pausing only briefly to motion for Lamia and Snark to join him. As he passes through, the remaining pair are left with two rapidly closing gateways to choose from.
This is based on an idea I had that the GM was doing a parody of situations from both "Deathtrap Equalizer Dungeon" and "Naked Doom." The stuffed blue Toad transporting one to BFT would then be like finding the frog ring in "Naked Doom" that transports you to DED. Oooops! I hope I didn't spoil that for anyone <g>.
Snark the Fire Elemental sparks with indecision, "Ah, which avenue to freedom?"
Whirling into a tight ball of flame, Snark quickly morphs in mid air into its ever-lovin' blue-eyed Rock Persona, who drops to the floor with much crunchings and grindings. "Oooch!"
"C'mon bright-eyes, we're blowin' this joint!" With one surprisingly fluid scoop of his rocky palm, Snark gently grabs Lamia (as only a Rock Person can) and leaps into the second gate (through which the human disappeared) and is swallowed by it, right before it closes.
The Low Adventure Point Goblin™ looks out from behind the stuffed Orc, shrugs and leaps into the remaining portal to Sigil before it too closes. "Even a world populated by Dwarves would be better than a racket like this!" he thinks.
The room is suddenly still. The stuffed animals look forlornly at each other in the enveloping silence, that harbinger of unbearable solitude punctuated only by the occasional prisoner.
[Here the game has sadly ended prematurely, as far as we know! -- ed.]
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