A Tunnels and Trolls® play-by-post adventure run by khara_khang
Hey, who knows what they are planning on doing for the LOTR movie? One really long one, three, or one shortened version?
You didn't hear? It was pretty big news. The LOTR fell through due to the expectation that the market's not there (which they based off the dismal interest and return on the Dungeons and Dragons movie). The current plan is to re-release the animated version of The Hobbit instead, and hope nobody realizes the switch.
There was an article in the CS Monitor about Tolkien and such; it said a lot of bookstore owners are really sweating about the piles of LOTR they've ordered, and what are they gonna do now. Just remeber the Phantom Menace and Darth Maul....
Really? I heard that they decided to switch the cast around and make some plot changes to make it more contemporary. Frodo is played an obscure actor named Jim Shipman, Merry and Pippin are replaced two Orcs named Jax and Taran, and Boromir has been replaced by an animated skeleton named Jack. Aragorn has been replaced with Krandor.
When the Orcs attack Jax and Taran by the river (after passing through Lothlorien), the two actually win the battle. Jack sneaks away and follows Frodo into Mordor, kills Gollum with the Dagger of Time, and tries to abscond with the Won Wring. Krandor sees something shiny and runs away from party, never to be seen until they all get together in Gondor.
Hey, at least it was shiny!
But wait, there's more! Ruth a'Guerre replaces the role of Eowyn. After killing the Witch King, she goes back to Gondor to resume her modeling career, where she attracts the attention of a strong young guard who looks at her with a wolfish grin. By the end of story, she and Krandor run off (again?) together to start their own little kingdom.
Aragorn passes through the Halls of the Dead but gets lost, only to meet the dead Amroth, who guides him to safety. Amroth alternates between muttering something about a hand grenade and humming a ghostly rendition of "Did You Ever Think When a Hearse Goes By?" but keeps repeating the line about the worms.
Sam turns out be a gay little hobbit, thus giving more meaning to the new line of the song of the Won Wring, "Won Wring to bring them all, and in the closet bind them."
The truth is the new LOTR movie is a hoax!
The whole thing was cooked up by Rick Loomis and Ken St Andre.
When you go to the theatre, for your hard earned 20 bucks for admission, you will be subjected to Gary Gygax hosting an infomercial for the new Ultimate Edition Tunnels & Trolls game.
"Stop that blaen! You're frightening people! My Yahell ID is about to make me famous, I'll be surrounded by Hobbit women, people will know that I'm sexy and good looking, and sexy and good looking, and sexy and good looking... wait, I said that already didn't I? Right, I did."
Sam turns out be a gay little hobbit, thus giving more meaning to the new line of the song of the Won Wring, "Won Wring to bring them all, and in the closet bind them."
I could have done without that bit of imagery, thank you.
I understand. But if you feel bad, just think of how Rose is taking it.
I'm just sorry they had to cut your famous love scene, Shipy....
Not to mention Frodo's reaction (as played by Jim Shipman) when he finds out. "Sam, I don't mind at all if Gollum keeps watch while I sleep. No, I'll stay over here. Really, Sam, I couldn't care less how you look in leather armor."
Waugh! Nooooo! Anything but the love scene!
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