Let's face it; I need help. I recently discovered that my dorm room is housing two Borg operatives. And I'm not one of them! (Where is the justice in that?) After the initial horror of this discovery, I realized what a golden opportunity this was. Here is my one and only chance to spy out the secrets of these cyber-implanted hive-minds and possibly even infiltrate their ranks.
I'm keeping track of all the information I gain, and displaying it here on the worldwide web in the hopes that someone else may be be able to use this information against them. And I'm hiding it in the privy, because my room-mates have hypersensitive noses. They won't look here. I should post information about once a week. If I suddenly cease, then it is likely that I have been caught and assimilated. Yet, this is something that I must do for the future of humanity.
2/10/02
One of my room-mates carried out a secret rendezvous last night in our room at two in the morning. She apparently thought I would be asleep at this ungodly hour, but fortunately she had imbided sufficient amounts of alcohol that she foolishly spoke loudly enough to waken me from my slumber.
I gained very little information from this, however, as: a) she was talking on the phone and I only heard half the conversation; b) halfway through the conversation she realized I was awake and lowered her voice; and c) I went back to sleep afterwards causing my memory to be foggy. Perhaps I shall overhear another such rendezvous in the future.
3/8/02
No, I have not been assimilated by my borg room-mates. My absense was due to an evil more foul than even the Borg. (Namely papers on Mill, Radcliffe, and Kant, and a Greek midterm.) As I write this my room-mates are preparing for a "spring break road trip." Most likely they are returning to the Hive to report on their activities.
There preparations include: trying on clothes, cutting up clothes, taking pictures of their anteriors (Honest!), and spending much time talking on the phone. They have also been frequently opening the window in spite of the icy breezes that have been gusting into the room.
Since they will be gone back to report to their Hive, and I will be returning to my own home, do not expect any new information for several weeks until we all return to the campus. Perhaps I will be able to acquire some Borg pictures for this site.
3/26/01
Well, I certainly have news. I and my room-mates are back, and one of them has aqcuired a sensory implant in her nose. I dread what this may mean, because as I mentioned, both of them already have strong senses of smell, and this new addition will likely increase her power.
The other appears to have received similar implants in her ears, though they are not visible. Previously she had demonstrated unbelievably keen hearing, but now she appears to have added to that ability, because last night she complained that I was too noisy yesterday morning, when I was especially quiet. Hence it is fair to assume that both of my Borg room-mates returned to the Hive to gain these implants. More updates in the future.
4/16/02
I haven't reported lately, because it has mainly been business as usual, meaning nothing unusual has happened. My room-mates have become more subtle and have learned to hide some of their more borgish tendencies though they still play loud music at 2 am which I believe to be a communication attempt to submit information to their superiors. More later.
4/17/02
Aquired weapon capable of great destruction against Borg. Had conversation concerning said weapon with room-mate.
Room-mate: Where'd you get that stick?
Me: I found it lying on the ground!
Room-mate: You aren't taking that up to the room, are you?
Me: Yup!
Room-mate: It's kind of scary looking.
Me: Yup!
Room-mate: The end's sort of pointy.
Me: I know! Isn't it great! (Here I walk off towards the room. Borg: 0; Mabry: 1).
4/22/02
You are probably wondering how I came to figure out that my room-mates are Borg. How, you wonder, could they be that careless? Well, the simple fact is that they're about as subtle as a two by four. As subtle as Akane with her mallet in her hand and "kawaiikune" ringing in her ears. As subtle as the broad side of a barn. As subtle as . . . them. They and our RA are throwing me a "surprise" birthday party. Room-mate number one says, "Mabry, we're having a hall meeting down in the classrooms at nine o'clock. Our RA said to tell you. I think she sent an e-mail." Of course there was no e-mail. And the Borg really need to find some better covert opperations people. Honestly.
5/15/02
Well, one of my borg room-mates has returned to the mothership--it's the end of the semester. The other will be leaving soon, and I will not be sharing a room with them next semester. For this reason, I must end this journal here. I hope I have gained valuable information that may help others in their struggle against the hive mind. Long live the revolution!
