| PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | SUBMIT! |

The Live Freak Test: Part I [which means, yes, there is a Freak Test: Part II]

Updated: April 2, 2000

[Nauseated and, yet somehow, mildly amused by posts on various Live-related mailing lists claiming: "I AM the biggest LiVE Fan", this warped little Fan Test was developed. Send your amusing and demented additions to the following list and receive full credit for your addendums. Thanks to the many Live fans who have submitted additions.]

Add one point for each question that applies to you. Be honest. Be amused.

1. You've seen LiVE at the Chameleon Club.

2. You've seen LiVE at the Chameleon Club, and they were there to see another band play.

3. You saw LiVE at the Chameleon Club before 1992.

4. You live in Lancaster.

5. You live in York.

6. You moved to Lancaster or York because a band member lives there.

7. You know where that band member lives.

8. You've gone over to his house.

9. You've had dinner with his parents.

10. You trade LiVE bootlegs.

12. You have personally taped LiVE shows.

13. You own 20 hours of LiVE bootlegs.

14. You own 50+ hours of LiVE bootlegs.

15. You have been to more than 10 LiVE shows.

16. You have been to more than 30 LiVE shows.

17. You have followed the buses from one show to another.

18. You were pulled over for stalking because you followed the buses from one show to another.

19. You bought No Talking, Just Head just because Edward sang "Indie Hair"

20. You've seen a member of LiVE play with another band at another show.

21. You've heard LiVE cover a Duran Duran song.

22. You are rethinking your bashing of Duran Duran because of this fact.

23. You own a Foam CD.

24. You bought it before you heard one song.

25. You bought Solution AD just because Chad Taylor produced them.

26. You saw Cole or Portion live.

27. You went to a Cole, Portion, or Solution A. D. show only hoping to see a LiVE band member

28. You've seen one of LiVE's brothers play on stage with LiVE.

29. You were on stage with LiVE.

30. You've ever made a special trip to York to see where they grew up.

31. You drove by their high school.

32. You attended their high school.

33. You've ever been to the 'dam at Otter Creek'

34. You jumped in.

35. You own a purple boa.

36. You bought the purple boa because Edward owns one.

37. You've worn it to a LiVE show.

38. You have dreamt you are a member of LiVE.

39. You have ever been arrested immediately after/before/at a LiVE show.

40. You were arrested because you tried to take the stage (see question #39)

41. You own a LiVE-related web site.

42. You can resite from memory at least ten LiVE-related urls.

43. You have been to Edward's chat room

44. You have been to Edward's chat room while he was in the room.

45. You have claimed to be Edward, in the chat room.

46. You have been banned from Edward's chat room.

47. You run a LiVE-related mailing list.

48. One or more of the members of LiVE subscribes to your list.

49. You've ever been to a LiVE show overseas.

50. You went overseas just to see LiVE perform.

51. You have seen LiVE perform at a European festival.

52. You actually remember the performance. (If you answered 'yes' to #51, you know exactly what this means)

53. You own a video of LiVE snidbits taken from TV/MTV.

54. You have video copies of local television interviews.

55. You have video copies of local television interviews before 1994.

56. You vacationed in Jamaica just because LiVE wrote some songs for SS there.

57. You vacationed in Jamaica and took your band to do the same.

58. You vacationed in Jamaica, took your band, and claimed to be LiVE.

59. You abbreviate all LiVE songs (2+ words or longer) as acronyms.

60. You have travelled more than 1000 miles to see a LiVE show.

61. You are a member of Friends of LiVE.

62. You are a member of 3 or more LiVE-related mailing lists.

63. You own more than 5 LiVE t-shirts/hats.

64. You wear one everyday.

65. You were fired from your job because you wore a LiVE-related article of clothing.

66. You lied about being sick to skip out on work/school just to attend a LiVE show.

67. You named a pet after a member of LiVE or a LiVE-related song/album.

68. You named a child after a member of LiVE or a LiVE-related song/album.

69. You know all of LiVE's siblings names.

70. You are a sibling of a LiVE member.

71. You are a LiVE member.

72. Your band has covered a LiVE song at a show.

73. Your band has performed a parody of a LiVE song at a show. (My personal favorite "Peas are Round")

74. You have ever claimed to be in LiVE.

75. Someone believed you.

76. You can name at least 5 band names the guys used/considered before sticking with "LiVE".

77. You own a Public Affection bootleg.

78. You taped the Public Affection bootleg yourself.

79. You shaved your head to look just like Edward.

80. You shaved your head to look just like Edward and you are a chick.

81. You have been to Granfalloons.

82. You have a LiVE-related tattoo (Give yourself five points for that one, that's for life.)

83. You own Death of a Dictionary. . . an original copy.

84. You own a copy of LiVE doing "You Are My Sunshine".

85. You hate Howard Stern, but you listened anyway on July 18, 1997.

86. You have met one or more members of LiVE.

87. You have proposed marriage to one of the members of LiVE.

88. You answered "yes" to #87 and you are a guy.

89. You know the name of a band member's pet.

90. You have seen a band member's pet.

91. You have tried to steal a band member's pet.

92. You know where the band buys their clothes.

93. You have shopped in that place just because LiVE goes there.

94. You have bought the same outfit as a band member so you'll look more like them.

95. You know where the band members get their hair styled.

96. You try to bribe their hair stylists to find out if they have dandruff or not.

97. You have gotten the same hair cut as one of the band members in an attempt to look more like them.

98. You have downloaded at least 3 clips of NEW LiVE songs off the internet before cease and dessist orders were served. Add two points if it was your own personal website.

99. You know every kind of guitar (or drums) the band members use.

100. You have gone out and bought the same instrument thinking that you'll sound just like them.

101. You read this WHOLE survey and you STILL think you are the BIGGEST LiVE Fan, even though you probably scored a 10.

This survey was presented in jest with plenty of free time and sarcasm on hand. Anyone scoring higher than a 50 should seek serious psychological help.

Here are some additions to this warped little project gone horribly wrong:

102. You tried to contact Ed/any member of LiVE through a ouiji board...despite the fact that they're alive. [submitted by:]

103. You have injured a vital organ in your body trying to get as close to the stage as possible at a LiVE concert. [submitted by:]

104. You remained at the concert anyway. [submitted by:]

105. You've actually driven people away because you talk about LiVE too much. [submitted by:]

106. You have a LiVE shrine and bow down to it every time you hear LiVE (and sometimes when you don't) [submitted by:]

107. You are brought to tears at a LiVE concert. [submitted by:]

108. You refer to the day of your first LiVE concert as your "Re-birth day". [submitted by:]

109. You know one of the members screen names. [submitted by:]

110. You've pretended to be someone else to get backstage or meet them. [submitted by:]

111. You have pretended to be Busta Rhymes. (OK, I confess, I added that one.)

112. You have created a LiVE Fan Test. [submitted by:]

113. You actually sit through the mindlessness that is MTV just to see LiVE videos, even though they have not showed a LiVE video this year--and won't again until the new album comes out. [submitted by:]

114. You sit through at least 10 hours a week of MTV in the hopes of seeing a LiVE video (if yes seek psychological conseling). [submitted by:]

115. You've applied to York College of Pennsylvania just because it's LiVE's hometown. [submitted by:]

116. You've attended York College of Pennsylvania just because it's LiVE's hometown. [submitted by:]

117. You've camped out in Ed's front lawn and chanted his name over and over again till the cops came and arrested you for disturbance of the peace. [submitted by:]

118. You've stalked Gracey's mom at the grocery store she works at in York, hoping to find out if the boys will be in town anytime soon. [submitted by:]

119. You bring huge signs to every LiVE concert you go to. [submitted by:]

120. You've ever made a LiVE member a happy birthday sign. [submitted by:]

121. You read every Henry Miller book just because Ed has. [submitted by:]

122. You became a devotee of Adi DaSamra just cuz Ed is. [submitted by:]

123. You've stolen the Dam at Otter Creek sign. [submitted by:]

124. You scope out the old bookstores before LiVE concerts hoping to find Ed. [submitted by:]

125. You scope out the mall before LiVE concerts hoping to find the boys. [submitted by:]

126. You spend your weekends printing out pictures of LiVE off the internet. [submitted by:]

127. You are having to use a pen/pencil to keep track of your "high" score on this test.

128. You've learned to say LiVE in ten different languages. [submitted by:]

129. You've killed someone who's ever mocked LiVE. [submitted by:]

130. You've posed as a mail carrier in order to deliver mail to a member of LiVE's house. [submitted by:]

131. You're saving your money to build a stadium for LiVE to eventually play in. [submitted by:]

132. You saw at least 5 LiVE shows in 1992. [submitted by:]

133. You have ever dressed up as a member of LiVE on Halloween. [submitted by:]

134. You have ever dressed up as a member of LiVE and it wasn't Halloween. [submitted by:]

135. You associate certain important dates in your life with which LiVE single was out at the time. [submitted by:]

136. You have ever taken your mom or dad to a LiVE show. [submitted by:]

137. You have taken your child/children to a LiVE show. [submitted by:]

138. You are in a LiVE chat room (Ed's chat room, gas heds, irc) while taking this fan test. [submitted by:]

139. Have you ever gone to a LiVE show while pregnant?? [submitted by:]

140. You bought "Knee of Listening" just because Ed said it was a good book. [submitted by:]

141. You think about LiVE when you're takin a dump. [submitted by:]

142. Even your shrink thinks you're a f**kin psycho. [submitted by:]

143. You set every clock in your house to the time in York even though you live in New Zealand. [submitted by:]

144. You were the first person to visit the LiVE website. [submitted by:]

145. You divorced your wife in hopes of marrying a LiVE member. [submitted by:]

146. When you're in public, everyone gasps and whispers "There's the LiVE psycho." [submitted by:]

147. You've had it written into your will that "Lightning Crashes" is played at your funeral. [submitted by:]

148. You've ever seen LiVE at CBGB's. [submitted by:]

149. You moved to Portland to be closer to Gracey. [submitted by:]

150. You went on a roadtrip scoping out Idaho hoping to find Ed's summer home. [submitted by:]

151. You've ever dated someone you met at a LiVE concert or through SOY. [submitted by:]

152. If they dumped you because you liked LiVE more then them. [submitted by:]

153. If you've ever looked up one of the guys' last names in a phone book from somewhere other than York, "just out of curiousity". [submitted by:]

154. If you'ver ever called those people "just to see if they're related" and thought it was ok to do. [submitted by:]

155. If you know all the list managers' names, and have met them. [submitted by:]

156. If you've been to or hosted a "SOY-fest". [submitted by:]

157. You have stayed in a LiVE chat room for more than 10 hours hoping someone will join you. [submitted by:]

158. You have changed your last name to one of the boys faking you are married to them. [submitted by:]

159. You shaved Ed's name into your head. [submitted by:]

160. And cutting yourself more than 3 times. [submitted by:]

161. You send mail to the LiVE test and you're not a #1 fan. [submitted by:]

162. If you've ever watched the netcast on the official site for an entire week hoping they'll play "I Alone" in their underwear again. [submitted by:]

163. You have taught your bird how to sing every LiVE song. [submitted by:]

164. You dance with your dog to LiVE albums. [submitted by:]

165. You only eat the band members' favorite foods. [submitted by:]

166. Everytime lightning crashes you scream "A NEW MOTHER CRIES!" [submitted by:]

167. If you wear nothing but blue clothes because Ed said it was his favorite color. [submitted by:]

168. You've seen "Contact" because Ed's seen it and loved it. [submitted by:]

169. You bought a Luscious Jackson CD because they opened for LiVE. [submitted by:]

170. You call your local country radio station daily, requesting LiVE. [submitted by:]

171. You fainted when you met Ed, Chad G, Chad T or Pat's mother. [submitted by:]

172. Your 1979 lime green Chevy Impala is held together only by LiVE stickers [submitted by:]

173. You hate yourself because you don't think the band members approve of things you do. [submitted by:]

174. You've contributed to this LiVE fan test. [submitted by:]

175. Your friends had to perform an intervention. [submitted by:]

176. You've sent in a tape of yourself to MTV's FANatic in order to meet Live. [submitted by:]

177. You are in a 12-step program. [submitted by:]

178. You find yourself shopping at the Salvation Army. [submitted by:]

179. You have waited for hours outside of a venue to meet the guys (especially Patrick). [submitted by:]

180. You tuned your bass down a 1/2 step and refuse to play anything but Live riffs. [submitted by:]

181. Dated/Married someone because they looked like a member from Live (2 points if you're a guy.) [submitted by:]

182. You've bought the Playing by Heart soundtrack solely for Ed's song (an additional point if you refuse to play anything before or after track 3.) [submitted by:]

183. You've written Live lyrics on your walls with glow in the dark paint. [submitted by:]

184. You know you're the biggest Live fan when you refuse to eat anything but York Peppermint Patties. [submitted by:]

185. You stood in line for 3 hours in the hot sun with your complaining friend just to get autographs from the guys of Live and were still trembling with delight an hour and a half later. [submitted by:]

186. You sign your letters (emails, cards, etc) "peace. your name." just because Ed signs his tour diary "peace. Ed." [submitted by:]

187. Your friends insist that MTV adds Live to the list of bands that does fanatic just so you can go on. [submitted by:]

188. 2 days before the Tramps show, when you find out you can get tickets from ticketmaster, you tell your work you can't come in tomorrow or the next day and buy a Greyhound ticket for New York. [submitted by:]

189. You go to York and take a picture of the Otter Creek sign as you are walking away just so you can duplicate the picture on the back of Throwing Copper. [submitted by:]

190. You've seen Chad Taylor play with Portion at the Chameleon. [submitted by:]

191. You've stood next to Chad Taylor at the same show while taking a piss at the urinal. [submitted by:]

192. You've partied with Adam K. at your girlfriend's house. [submitted by:]

193. You have gotten into a physical confrontation with another person at a Live show to keep a drumstick you both caught. [submitted by:]

194. You think "STD" stands for "Selling the Drama." [submitted by:]

195. You had your mom drive 30 minutes to your college to get The Distance to Here because you don't have a car and you HAD to have it the day it came out. [submitted by:]

196. You posted a DO NOT DISTURB sign on your door the day The Distance to Here came out so you could listen to the whole thing without being disturbed. [submitted by:]

197. Your friend passes up a free poster of her favorite band to get you a poster of Live. [submitted by:]

198. You plan on going to the New Years show alone because none of your friends wanted to see Live on New Years but you'd die if you didn't. [submitted by:]

199. Your friends think it's your fault that Ed kept getting sick because you kept getting sick around the same time he does and you have the same illness. [submitted by:]

200. You visit the Friends Of Live site every day to see if new news is posted. [submitted by:]

201. When you try to type in an internet address, the first thing you type is [submitted by:]

202. When you're typing a word that starts with "l", you automatically type Live. [submitted by:]

203. You bought the best of "MTV's Unplugged" just to see Live perform "Lightning Crashes" refuse to watch any of the other performances on the tape. [submitted by:]

204. You carry pictures of Live in your wallet. [submitted by:]

205. You become suicidal if you go for a day without hearing LIVE. [submitted by:]

206. You chose a career related to the music industry just to feel closer to Live. [submitted by:]

207. You stole Ruby Lou! [submitted by:]

208. You've changed your nickname from Lucy to Lou because of the guitar. [submitted by:]

209. If you were an object, you would be a Live instrument. [submitted by:]

210. You have a friend for more then 5 years because of Live. [submitted by:]

211. When you decide to move to a foreign country, the fact that Live would tour there more often than in your native one, was really relevant. [submitted by:]

212. You fell in love with someone because he looked like a member of Live. [submitted by:]

213. Actually, this person played in a Live cover band. [submitted by:]

214. You read Henry Miller because Ed did, and you think you know him!

215. For the non-english speakers- you've learned words like aware, forward and graze because of Live. [submitted by:]

216. You Know what "Cheetah" is all about. [submitted by:]

217. You wish you were born in Pennsylvania. [submitted by:]

218. You watch the news just to see the word "Live" on the screen. [submitted by:]

219. After looking at this site, you rushed home to think of a dozen of questions! [submitted by:]

220. Your psychiatric report mentions anything about the band Live. [submitted by:]

221. You refuse to date anyone if they don't resemble Ed in his pink shirt and feather boa. [submitted by: ]

222. You won't date anyone that doesn't LOVE LIVE! [submitted by:]

223. You've converted to Adidam because Ed follows it. [submitted by:]

224. You've researched Aldous to find out what Ed meant. [submitted by:]

225. You've grown a goatee to look like Chad Taylor. [submitted by:]

226. You've done the above (You've grown a goatee to look like Chad Taylor) but are a chick. [submitted by:]

227. You call the radio station hourly disguising your voice to request Live songs. [submitted by:]

228. The radio station has blocked your phone number. [submitted by:]

229. You have several email addresses so you can email the radio station multiple requests for Live songs. [submitted by:]

230. The radio station has blocked your email address/addressess. [submitted by:]

231. You have stolen one or more Live related street signs (e.g. Vine Street). [submitted by:]

232. You scare people when talking about Live. [submitted by:]

233. You find yourself humming the opening riff on "Lakini's Juice" several times a day. [submitted by:]

234. You incorporate Live song lyrics into everyday conversations. [submitted by:]

235. You have one or more boyfriend/girlfriend break up with you because they think you fantasize about Live during sex. +5 bonus points if you are a guy. [submitted by:]

236. You watched "Fight Club" for one reason. [submitted by:]

237. You watched "Hope Floats" hoping they would play "Lightning Crashes" during the movie. [submitted by:]

238. You cried at the end of "Hope Floats" because they didn't play it ("Lightning Crashes") but never told your girlfriend the reason you cried. [submitted by:]

239. You own 50 or more Live related cd's. [submitted by:]

240. You bought a Vic Chesnutt CD because Ed likes him. [submitted by:]

241. You have a room in your house dedicated to your Live memorabilia. [submitted by:]

242. You have multiple padlocks on that room and no one is allowed in there without your direct supervision. [submitted by:]

243. You took part in the "Vine Street" petition. [submitted by:]

244. It pisses you off when people write "White Discussion" instead of "White, Discussion." [submitted by:]

245. You've memorized the catalog numbers to most or all of Live's releases (including things as abstractly related to Live as the "Virtuosity" laserdisc). (Bonus 5 points if you're not a collector!) [submitted by:]

246. Your friends have also memorized some of the catalog numbers because you always bring them up. [submitted by:]

| PART 1 | PART 2 | PART3 | SUBMIT! |

Note: Part 1 of The Live Freak Test was created by Kymla.

1997-2000 The Very Unofficial and Possibly Illegal Patrick Dahlheimer Homepage

BACK to Patrick Dahlheimer Online