“I feel disgusting.”
“Well, don’t look at me,” I told Taylor, squirming in the drivers seat, “it wasn’t my idea to walk into the ocean water with all our clothes on.”
“You have to admit it was fun though,” Taylor said, grinning at me mischievously.
I glanced over at him, trying to hide my smile. He was a sight to behold. Water droplets were still running down his face from his soaked hair, landing on my upholstery, and he was still shirtless, sitting on the dry shirt he took off at the beach. Me? I wouldn’t even look in the rearview mirror to check. I was sure that I had mascara running down my face. A little part of me didn’t care…but a bigger part of me did, so I sneaked a glance.
“You look cute, don’t worry,” I heard him say.
“Really? Cause this just might be a tiny piece of seaweed in my hair,” I told him, pulling it out, and tossing it out the window.
“So? Seaweed can be cute.”
“Yeah, if you’re a mermaid.”
“Oooo…I can totally see you as a mermaid.”
I rolled my eyes. “You’re hopeless,” I said, hoping my smile wasn’t too wide.
“Yeah, I know.”
I shifted my arm on the steering wheel, and noticed my arm was covered with goosebumps. I also noticed my heart was still beating fast, when there was absolutely no reason for it. Well, there was a reason…I mean, he was sitting right there, close enough to touch if I ever got up the courage, but you would think I would be alright after the little escapade in the water. He almost kissed me. Actually, he did kiss me. Just not…all the way. I guess you could call it a “half-kiss.” If that was even allowed.
Did that mean he won the bet?
I shook off the thought as I watched him play with the radio. He called off the bet. Didn’t he? Of course he did! Didn’t he say that earlier? I wasn’t really sure…he was kind of aloof about the whole thing.
I cleared my throat. “Taylor…”
“Don’t you love 80’s music?” he asked me, his fingers still playing with the dials.
“Actually, no, I don’t, but listen-“
“No?” he asked me incredulously, “why not?”
I sighed. “I don’t know…too popish, too hairy, too Michael Jackson, but listen--“
“Did you just diss…Michael…Jackson? And hairy? What?”
“Yes, I just did ‘diss’ him as you call it, I was referring to hair bands, and would you just listen to me?”
“I can’t believe you don’t like Michael Jackson.”
“Taylor!”
“What?”
“I’m trying to talk.”
“Oh, sorry, you want another station?”
“Did you really call off the bet?”
Taylor immediately clicked off the radio and leaned back in his seat. My pulse quickened up…he was supposed to say yes, and keep nagging me about stupid Michael Jackson, not this.
“Okay…what is that supposed to tell me Taylor?”
“It’s supposed to tell you that I really don’t want to talk about this,” he replied, shrinking down in his seat.
“Why not? Don’t you think I deserve to know the truth? I mean, come on…we have stuff going on here, I don’t want to be in the dark,” I told him honestly.
“You think we have stuff?”
“Don’t you think we have stuff?” I asked him, surprised, “I don’t kiss random guys in oceans just for the heck of it Taylor.”
He didn’t say anything. I could sense he was trying to, almost hear the wheels clanging together in his brain for the words. I sighed softly, and decided to concentrate on the white lines painted on the highway. Might as well work on my driving skills while Taylor racked his brain.
“The bet wasn’t exactly one of my shining moments, Alex,” he told me quietly.
“Okay…,” I said, not knowing what else to say.
“And it’s not over.”
“But you told me earlier…” I muttered, my heart sinking in my chest.
“I know what I told you. And believe me, Alex, the bet is over with me. Absolutely, and totally over. But not with Ryan,” he said pleadingly.
I exhaled. We were nearing Taylor’s house, and it was a little past 1 o’clock. I could see a green Passat near the curb, and I pulled up behind it and shut the engine.
Thoughts swirled in my head as I listened to him breathing, us not saying one word. It was my turn to talk, I knew that, but if I talked I would most likely start…telling him exactly how I feel.
“You know what I feel right now?” I asked him softly, looking straight ahead at the green car’s Oklahoma license plates.
I could sense his eyes on my face.
“What are you feeling?”
I turned to face him.
“I feel like a fool.”
“You’re not a fool, Alex, listen to me—“
“No, I am Taylor…” I told him, “I don’t know why I’m even here with you.”
I heard him blow out a deep breath and forcefully lean back in the seat. Why was I there with him? He knew I knew about the bet, and he hadn’t even apologized yet. Not to mention, he didn’t even call it off yet, and his promises of the bet being over with him wasn’t exactly cutting it with me.
I was just realizing this. I exhaled my own breath, and let my head fall back on my own seat. I wasn’t being honest with myself…again. No matter how wonderful I thought Taylor was, and how much the thought of him kissing me brought shivers all over my skin, I was doing this all wrong. Physical attraction was not the basis of a relationship…no matter how good the thought was. Especially when he was lying to me…and I had this undeniable inkling that he wasn’t telling me the whole story.
“Alexandria. Tell me what I can do…” Taylor whispered, reaching over and touching my fingertips to his. I turned my hand over, palm facing up, and watched as he drew figure eight’s over my skin with his index finger.
“You know I’ve never had a boyfriend before…” I whispered back, entranced by movements.
“You haven’t?”
“No…so it’s obvious I’m new to all of this…”
“Well, you’re doing great so far…” he said, a slight smile playing on his lips.
“Thank you…but you know what?” I asked him, shining my own grin.
“What?”
“I’m not stupid.”
The smile left his face.
“I never said you were Alex.”
“I know I know…” I told him, “but I sorta feel like you think it. That I’m entranced by your blue eyes or something, which are very nice by the way, and that when looking at you, I can’t think straight, and then yada yada yada, do anything you ask me, and forget that even listening to you is such a risk and—“
“Okay, okay, slow down!” he said, laughing, “I’ve never heard you talk this fast…”
I sighed loudly.
“Do you understand that I can’t trust you, Taylor? That even though, I want to, I can’t, because I am just a little bit intelligent?” I asked him, slightly out of breath.
“Alex, I don’t think you’re stupid. I never thought you were. I think you’re insanely smart, and for your information, that is the main reason you found out about the bet as fast as you did. Tell me, Alex, just tell me what to do to make you trust me and th—“
“Tell me everything you know about the bet,” I told him frankly, crossing my arms over my chest.
“What?”
“The bet. Just tell me, spill it.”
“I thought you knew about the bet…” he told me with a puzzled look.
“All I know is that the bet was to kiss me, for some idiotic reason, and that Ryan Park orchestrated it because of some resentment about a 9th grade oral presentation,” I said.
“Ryan Park? You think it was Ryan Park?” he asked me incredulously. “Yeah…”
“Oh man…here we go.”
****************************************************
It was about two o’clock as I pulled up to my own house and walked up to the front door. I was exhausted. Completely exhausted. My mind was tired, my body was tired, and all I wanted to do was crawl up with a cup of something, anything, hot and then fall asleep wherever it was soft and cozy. But before I could do anything, a shower was in order. I had a feeling my pores were letting the salt from the ocean water seep in, and that can never be good.
I turned the key in the door, and stepped inside, throwing my backpack to the first chair I saw. And then I stopped. I honestly didn’t think I was psychic. But with 3 other siblings, you get accustomed to really know the feeling of being the house by yourself. A free, flying feeling if you will. But you also knew when you weren’t. Which was what I was feeling.
I guardedly looked around me as I took the stairs and forced myself to shake off the feeling. There were no mass murderers in my house, I was sure of it. But there was one pissed-off best friend sitting on my bed.
“What are you doing here? You know breaking and entering is a felony,” I told Shannon, peeling off my now damp cardigan and throwing it in my clothes basket.
“Not when one has a key…and by the way. You look like heck,” she told me, her lips in a straight line.
“Yeah, well…”
“I see you’ve been swimming with the fish. Or was it just…Taylor Hanson?” she said, glaring at me. You know, Shannon hardly ever gets mad, but when she does, her looks could kill.
“Uh oh. Someone has been reading my journal,” I told her, nodding my head, not in least bit upset. I grinned when she had the decency to look a little bit embarrassed.
“Yes well…you would read mine too if you found out Zac apologized to me by writing my name on the gym wall,” she said, playing with a stray strand of thread coming out of my blue comforter.
“Taylor didn’t do it,” I said, pulling out my vanity chair, and trying to brush out the insistent tangles in my long hair.
“Yeah, right…he got in trouble for it, what does that tell you? And what is this about a bet?” she asked, coming up behind me to place her hands on her hips and look at my reflection in the mirror.
I sighed and put the brush down.
“Shannon, and I know that I tell you everything, but I really thought I had everything under control.”
“But I still wanna know. So spill it.”
“Okay. Well, Taylor. He and I—“
“You’re in love?” she asked, squealing.
“No! No, I mean, of course not,” I told her, refusing to even think about it.
“Look, do you wanna know, or not?”
“I do, I do, I’m sorry. Go on,” she said, sitting back down on the bed.
“Well…okay, it all started when my dad asked me to show him to his locker. I did, we got in a small fight, and for some reason I drove him home after classes. He left his wallet in his car, I went into his house to return it, and ended up overhearing him talking to his brother about a kissing bet with Ryan Park. And…”
How could I have been so stupid?
“I got mad of course. But I let him come to my house, not telling him I knew about the bet, he saw my mural,” I said, gesturing towards the wall,” and he left without kissing me. It just went on from there, Shannon, I didn’t tell him the truth—“
“Because you like him. As in you want to kiss his face.”
I shrugged.
“Alexandria Cates has a boyfriend…amazing.”
“He’s not my boyfriend.”
“Then why are you all wet?”
“So in order to have a boyfriend, your clothes have to be wet?”
“I knew you went with him. I watched you from the window from chemistry lab. He took you somewhere…hmmm…with water,” she said, tapping her head with her index finger, “and you went swimming, obviously, but not naked, which is good, because being not naked with Taylor Hanson in a swimming situation is really hard to do. I applaud you for that…”
“Why thank you, big mouth, and for your information, we went to the ocean and he pulled me in. And we had a moment…which really didn’t mean anything, because you can’t have a moment which is based on lies.”
“What? I figured the bet was over…”
“It was. Or at least he knew about it, which should mean that it’s over, but I got the bet all wrong. It wasn’t just a kissing bet. It was…” I trailed off.
My face grew hot just thinking about it. My insides felt like they were caving in, and looked down to play with the rings on my fingers.
I had to sleep with you, Alex…
The words still pierced my ears. It was weird though. The actual concept of the bet, Taylor having to “score” with me, wasn’t what was sad about the whole thing. It actually sounded like a normal high school bet. What was sad…was the part when Taylor actually accepted. Accepted to sleep with me for money.
I cleared my throat and looked up into my friends frowning face.
“It was sex bet. And it wasn’t with Ryan Park, it was with Ryan Bulger.”
“Oh. My. Gosh.”
“Yeah…” I murmured, nodding, “yeah, that’s what I thought too about a half an hour ago when he told me. And Ryan Bulger can you believe it? I’ve hardly said two words to the geek, and he still wanted to do this to me.”
Ryan Bulger was nowhere near as popular as Ryan Park. But he wasn’t exactly a loser…the class clown if you will. And sophomore year he asked me out. I honestly thought he was joking, so I turned him down. Quite harshly of course…I might have had just a little attitude problem back then. But two years of anger resentment towards me? Retarded.
“So…so like, Taylor tried to…like…”
I shook my head. “No. He said he was never going to in the first place. He told Ryan that he tried, but to no avail, that I had a virginal status that was off the charts, that it wasn’t going to change, but Ryan didn’t buy it. He thought Taylor meant he would try harder. So then Taylor told him that he and I had a fight, and that we weren’t talking. I suppose that’s what the paint in the gym was for.”
“How did you ever think this was just a kissing bet?”
I shrugged. “I eavesdropped when Taylor was telling his brother, Isaac. But he didn’t want to tell him the truth, so he made up the kissing thing.”
Shannon and I didn’t say anything for a few minutes. I knew she was sitting there thinking of ways to make things better for me.
“So Taylor didn’t vandalize the gym.”
“Right.”
“And he really wasn’t going to try to sleep with you.”
I sighed. “But he agreed with the bet. And he made me believe that it was just a kissing bet until I made him tell me the truth. What does that tell you?”
“I guess I’m still on the part where he didn’t try to sleep with you…” Shannon said, shaking her head.
“Shannon, I thought I saw something in him. Something in his eyes and the way he talked to me that first day just did me in. I don’t want to be with a guy that would even think about having sex with a girl to win a bet. I just…I just don’t want that,” I told her earnestly.
“Does he want to be with you, Alex?”
“I got that impression…but how can I trust him after this? This whole time…everything has been a lie. It’s not real. How can it be?” I said.
“But it’s over now. You know everything. You know he isn’t going to win the bet, meaning Ryan is going to lose, and everything will go back to the way it was. What happens when Taylor is still there?”
I swallowed.
“I don’t know if I want him to be…” I said softly, turning around in my chair to face the mirror again, “I can’t trust him.”
Shannon sighed behind me, and stood up.
“I don’t know. But you need some ice cream. Rocky road with extra nuts. I’ll go round some up.”
****************************************************
Taylor closed the front door behind him and looked up to see his older brother’s concerned face.
“You look like heck.”
Taylor shook his head, and brushed past Isaac to reach the stairs.
“It’s her, isn’t it,” he heard Isaac ask him.
He stopped midway up the stairway and turned to stare at Isaac.
“So what if it was? It’s over now…she’ll never talk to me again. Which is good because she doesn’t deserve to be around me. She’s too sweet, too caring, and—“
“And she drives you nuts, and that’s why you’re crazy about her.”
“Drives me absolutely up the wall.”
Isaac shrugged silently.
“What are you going to do about it?”
“What can I do, Ike, it’s over. I told her…she was quiet. She didn’t even speak to me except for asking me to leave. I hurt her.”
“There are things you can do, Tay.”
“Name one which would honestly work.”
Isaac shrugged again.
“Don’t be yourself,” he said, and proceeded to leave the room.
