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CONTINUED
GIMLI What did you just say...
ARAGORN RUNS BEHIND LEGOLAS AND PUTS HIM IN A HEAD-LOCK WHILE GIMLI BEGINS TO JAB LEGOLAS RAPIDLY AND DYNAMICALLY IN THE KIDNEY, INDUCING VOMITTING OF BLOOD
ARAGORN NEVER. Mention. ANY deity or guiding power other rhan ERU, the creator of the FIVE, or J.R.R. TOLKIEN
GIMLI You shall suffer death next time.
LEGOLAS Sorry
BOROMIR IS SET ON A SMALL RAFT WITH HIS WEAPONS AND THE WEAPONS ON HIS ENEMIES, AND IS SENT DOWN THE RIVER. HE DOES NOT, HOWEVER, FALL DOWN A WATERFALL AS THE MOVIE DEPICTS. pj
FRODO It is time.
SAM RUNS UP
SAM Mr FRODO! Don't leave me! Have my children!
FRODO No SAM. I'm going alone.
SAM Ofcourse you are.
SAM TWINKLES HIS NOSE
SAM APPEARS NEXT TO FRODO ON HIS CANOE
ANOTHER SCENE OF HOMOPHOBIA INDUCING MATERIAL COMMENCES
ARAGORN LOOKS FROM ACROSS THE RIVER
ARAGORN They have their own quest now.
LEGOLAS They will fail.
GIMLI How optimistic of you Master elf.
THE TERRIBLE TRIO HEAD IN THE DIRECTION OF THE ORCS, WHO HAVE TAKEN PIPPIN AND MERRY
THE DELICIOUS DUO HEAD TO MORDOR
SCENE CUTS TO TRIO RUNNING THE PLAINS
GIMLI All this >HUFF HUFF< running... I need drink!
ARAGORN Why not reach for a tall glass of LIPTON'S Brisk Iced Tea?
LEGOLAS That's Brisk, Baby!
SCENE CUTS TO THE THREE RESTING
ARAGORN They are far off.. Hmmm..
LEGOLAS Look! An Elven crest in the dirt!
GIMLI Our search may not be in vain.
SCENE CUTS TO FRODO AND SAM WALKING IN A MARSH AREA
FRODO Man, this stinks!
SAM Sorry, sorry, a thousand times Sorry!
FRODO IS WASHING HIS FEET, SITTING AWAY FROM SAM'S DIRECTION
FRODO The marsh, Sam, is a beautiful fragrance compared with you!
SAM I love you
FRODO SCRUBBING HIS FEET
FRODO Huh?
SAM Nothing?
DUSK SETS IN
FRODO Nevermind, we must rest here.
LATER THAT NIGHT
FRODO Look at the stars, SAM, makes me want to sleep forever. Reminds me of back in the SHIRE. Little rivers, friendly faces, and familiar smells, sights, Oh I miss it.
SAM Well that was gay
FRODO Wait... ( shhh... )
FRODO WHISPERS TO SAM. THEY BEGIN TO BE SILENT FOR A WHILE.
THEY SNATCH THE CREATURE GOLLUM FROM BEHIND A BOULDER
FRODO Dirty GOLLUM!
GOLLUM BACKHANDS FRODO, SLINGS HIM INTO SAM, AND JUMPS ON TOP OF SAM
FRODO PULLS HIM OFF, AND HOLD STING TO GOLLUM'S THROAT
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