The morning after...
Oh Lord, something tells me I screwed things up royally.Me and my over active imagination. He replied my email in which I called him "a coward of the worst kind". Said I was trippin and he wasnt refering to himself and I got him wrong. I'm always jumping to conclusions and accusing him of stuff. said dint need to reply. I still did and I apologized, I said goodbye though. He's more trouble than he's worth. He may have been telling the truth but in my heart,I dont completely believe him. I shouldnt have called him a coward cos in everything I do, I try to be a lady to the end and name calling just doesnt cut it. But put urself in my position, if u found out something like that, I'm sure u would have said a whole lot more. I wanted to but I just held myself.But fuck it, its over now and I think its for the best.I just hate the way it ended, I probably seem like a psycho to him. It would have been great if we could have remained friends just as we started out . Well life goes on.

I did some fashion thingy for this online magazine where I got to choose a couple of outfits for different occassions and she really liked it. I'm so surprised.I dint think it would be that good. At first i wanted 2 use some pics of me but its just as well I didnt. Maybe I'm a little too hard on myself, but what can I say, I'm a virgo. Perfectionists to the last. I'm always the last to say anything I did was good , even with my poetry too. I'm just so critical and i want to give only the best. That reminds me, I should put some of my poetry up... I've been falling behind on my writing. I've got so much to do and I just dont know where to begin. I hope I get back to Washington ASAP cos I need 2 get back to school. I feel like my brain is slowly dying sitting over here in London. Enough of it already. Hopefully, Marh/April I'll be back home just in time for the new semester. I better get on with my business. Later.

Is it possible for something which never began to end? I ask myself why do i feel so sad ? he promised nothing,yet I expected too much.But to think he didnt even have the decency to tell me how he felt.When I tried 2 end the whole thing last week, he pleaded and I took him back. His whole plan was not to be the one who is left alone, his pride couldnt take that. He had 2 hurt me and get some kind of insane wierd pleasure from it. I have to wonder if he really ever cared 4 me. maybe I was just a bit of fun on the side while he had problems with his baby's mother. I never learn do I? Its always the ones with the baggage, the ones who will most definitely hurt me. A man so so much older than me.Too late now I see he wasnt right. Bit off way more than I can chew now I'm here hurting. Tryin not to cry, tryin so hard not to miss him. I smell him on my jacket, lookin at his picture for the last time before I throw it in the fire.Fuck him. I'll forget him. I may be down but I wont stay down. I aint ever cried over no man andI dont intend to start now.
Its 3:05 am and I cant sleep. Waitin for a fone call . Diff. timezones shit is stressin' me man. I need 2 talk, 2 vent b4 I go crazy over here. i think I'll just go 2 sleep.