Chapter 29
Unable to breathe. Unable to think. Hannah rushed out of the hotel glancing both ways outside the door before running off in one direction. Too infuriated to cry she tried to make sense of her location to find her way to Melissa’s apartment. “Where the fuck am I? ” she wallowed. Trembling she searched for street signs as she tried her hardest to calm down her heart. “I love him,” she whispered to herself hoping it would offer some sort of relief but instead she cried into her hands and became more lost in herself.
“Let me the fuck up!!” Hannah pounded on the buzzer outside Melissa’s apartment and was shocked when the door clicked open. Hastily she made her way inside and quickly up three flights of stairs.
“Whoa,” Melissa gasped, “What’s got you in such a hurry?”
“Oh don’t even play clueless,” she sneered, “You are so not Alicia Silverstone material.”
“Huh?”
“What the fuck were you thinking writing an article like that? About MY personal life??” she screamed paying no attention to surrounding neighbors. She didn’t care who she made a scene in front of...Melissa had ruined things for her and there was no justice.
“Oh,” she nodded understanding, “Well Han, are you denying that everything I wrote is true?”
“That Melissa is not the point! The point is…you used our friendship to sell a few extra copies of your magazine. You took the easy way out as a journalist and didn’t care about how credible your work was. You put yourself and your needs before those of anyone else. And for what? Huh? What are you getting out of defaming Nick’s character? What are you getting out of using my trust to pen an article that I never gave you permission to quote me in?”
“First you need to calm down,” she said with a rolled tongue, “You’re hysterical.”
“Don’t fucking tell me what to do ” she screamed and collapsed to the floor, “I’ve lost fucking everything thanks to you.”
“What do you mean you’ve lost everything because of me?” she asked and sat next to Hannah on the floor. “Don’t tell me this is about Nick. You walked out on him, not the other way around.”
“Yea but I came back And when I got there he didn’t want me thanks to your precious little article,” she wiped away her tears and then studied her hands. “I thought that you were my friend Melissa. If you were really my friend…you wouldn’t have written that article. No matter how angry I was at Nick you know that I would never do anything to hurt him like that. You did that on purpose. You purposely hurt the man I love and you think I can call you a friend?”
Sympathetically Melissa embraced Hannah in hug and rubbed her back, I am your friend, she whispered in her ear. I thought you were over him and wanted to ruin him. Listen Han, she pulled away and looked her in the eye, You have to know that I would never have written that article if I knew how much it would honestly hurt you. I had no idea. I needed a story yes and I did the wrong thing. I'm a bad friend. Let me do anything, whatever it takes, to fix this. You name it...I'll do it.
"No," she protested, "It's useless. I have nothing now and I don't want to beg and crawl for Nick to take me back. I might as well just give up and go back to Tampa where I belong."
"What? You are not going back to Florida. How can you even suggest that? This is your dream that you're living; don't walk away from that because you hit a bump. You may, not definitely, but may have lost Nick but you don't have to lose out on your dream too."
"Oh please Melissa, what was I thinking? Did I honestly think that I was cut out for this? For this life? Who was I kidding? I can't do this. The only thing I can do is be a waitress, and I even fucked that up. Maybe I'm just good at nothing and should stop trying to amount to something."
"You can and will be everything You are going to be huge one day, I know it. You have it in you Hannah. All you have to do is keep going. Determination is key to success and if you give up now you're only gonna be an nothing because you gave nothing. Give something Han, give a lot...stay here and work and do what you have always dreamt of doing."
Painfully Nick paced around the parameter of his hotel room replaying the argument over and over in his mind. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't figure why things always ended up in disaster when it came to his and Hannah's relationship. It was obvious to everyone, including them, that they loved each other as much as two people could yet could never make it work. Frustrated, he plopped down ont eh couch with a grumble and flexed his eyes.
The phone rang, interrupting his mope and Nick deliberated with himself if he should even answer it. Knowing that only a select few had his number he answered expecting it to be important. "Hello?"
He rolled his eyes back when Kevin started talking about some mandatory meeting with management to plan their response to the article. "Great," he thought with unattentive ears.
"Are you listening to this?" Kevin yelled into the phone and Nick mumbled a yes. "God Nick. I'm only trying to help you out. We have a serious issue on our hands here."
"Oh and what would that be Kev? Everything Hannah said about me in that article is true. I did all of that shit and for that I deserve what I get. God I don't need you planning a meeting with management to handle this. None of it needs handling. It's done!" Nick snapped and yelled into the phone. He laid back with a deep sigh, "Look, I'm sorry ok?" he told Kevin realizing he was out of line, "I think I really just need some time to think...or not think. It doesn't matter. I really can't deal with this now though."
Kevin was stunned by Nick's behavior. He never snaps or blows up. Nick is always the one to take nothing seriously and make everything a game. "I understand," he said with a concerned tone. "I'll call off the meeting then. But listen, if you need to talk to someone I'm here for ya. We all are."
"Yea," he sighed again, "I know, and thank you. Thanks for understanding. I'm real sorry for taking this out on--"
"Oh don't apologize," Kevin interrupted.
"No I really am sorry. I'll call you later on tonight to talk about rehearsals tomorrow, k? Talk to you later." Clicking the talk button he hung up the phone and leaning back on the couch closed his eyes tightly to hold back the tears.
Before she could make a decision on staying in Los Angeles, there was one person Hannah had to talk to, and so she saw him. Driving to meet him was total agony for her as she’d grip tightly on to the steering wheel, struggling to keep her focus on the road. Her head hurt from thinking and being exhausted, her eyes wanted to slam shut. Miraculously she made it safely though and with a slight twitch headed in.
“Hey beautiful,” AJ boasted with a cheerful smile. Motioning her in the room she felt more at ease with each breath. “Aw now, yoi’ve got to have at least one smile for me...”
“Sorry,” she shook her head and flashed a smile, “I guess I’m just a little tense.” Fortunately AJ was in a separate hotel from the other which vanished any chance of running into Nick. “This was a nice room.”
“Oh cut that,” he stopped her, “You’re not going to tell me the only reason you’re here is to comment on my room decor. I’m guessing you want to know about Nick.”
“Well, have you talked to him?” she asked biting her lip.
Blankly AJ stared at her with near hurt eyes and then opened his mouth, “No, but Nick hasn’t done much talk to anyone lately. It seems he’s got himself all copped up in isolation. Kevin, however, did speak with him and said Nick’s pretty agitated and upset. He refused to meet with management and hasn’t shown at rehearsals.”
“Gosh,” Hannah gulped down her guilt, “Age, he’s ruining himself. Damn, I did that. I am so sorry. Had I known about that article it would have never been published and everything would be better. I’m sorry for screwing things up.”
“Don’t blame this on yourself Hannah, no one else is.” His tone of voice was sharp causing her to blink and immediately he noticed her reaction. “Aw babe, I’m so sorry. I guess you could we’re all on edge somewhat.”
“Yea,” she nodded her head humbly, “I just feel like I’ve ruined all of your lives. Beyond Nick there’s you and the guys, family, fans...I can’t help but think I let everyone down even though I had no control over the situation. I should have.”
“I think you’re being far too hard on yourself Han. Don’t; Nick’s not worth putting yourself through hell. Think how great your life is because you came here. All the experiences you’ve had, the people...you’re happy. Whatever you do don’t start turning this around so you should go.”
“But just think, if I’d chosen that other flight...if I chose Nick, none of this would have happened. Nick wouldn’t have been with Brittney. I wouldn’t have become friends with Melissa. All that drama when Nick and were reunited wouldn’t have happened and the article would never have been written.”
Frustrated at what she was doing to herself AJ just stared. “And what would have happened then? You’d have Nick, and nothing else. Or would you even have him? How do you know you couldn’t have lost him still? And then you’d have no Nick, no job, no education, and no new life. You’d have nothing.”
“I would have Nick and I would have happiness,” she trailed of unsure if this argument was even worth having.
“Happiness? How happy could you be with someone who forced you to give up a dream? With someone who didn’t have faith in you? Nick wanted you to be his little trophy and you’re much smarter and much better then that Hannah. Sure, maybe you would have had him but at what cost?”
The words spun in her head and the room seemed no longer to be standing still. Suddenly she felt faint with a rumble in her stomach. The color drained from her face as she keeled over. Terrified, AJ reached out and grabbed her bringing her to a steady stance. “Are you ok? Hannah? What’s wrong?” he asked impatiently as she shook her head.
“Nothing,” she finally answered taking in a deep breath, “I just felt a little dizzy just there. I’m fine. Nothing to worry about, I had a small breakfast and should probably just eat something.”
“Here,” he ushered her to the sofa and propped her feet up, “Let me get you something to eat. What do you want?” Picking up the phone to call room service he waited for her to answer but she never did. “Hannah?” he asked again.
“Oh,” she said, “Ummm, something light. Order soup or something, ask if they have chicken noodle.” As AJ ordered the food she just stared up at the ceiling feeling her stomach and calculating in her head.
Chapter 30
Lost in the Rain Main
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