Chapter 17
Stepping inside the door Hannah noticed that all the lights were on inside her apartment and the stereo was playing. She looked around to see that all the stacks of boxes that were there when she left in the morning had disappeared and she smiled at the thought of what happened to them. “Nick?!” she called out and he stepped out from the kitchen with her ‘Kiss the Cook’ apron on. “Oh my gawd!” she gasped and held her hand over her mouth to conceal her giggling. “You look like such a nerd.”
“Well are you going to follow the apron’s orders or just stand there laughing at me?” he grinned and stepped up to her sticking out his lips and closing his eyes, causing Hannah to laugh even harder. “I’m starting to get cold here,” he whined.
“Ok,” she sighed and stepped up to his mouth kissing him. “Better?” she asked breaking away.
“Much!”
“You don’t know how happy that makes me,” she tapped his nose with her finger. “So how was rehearsal?”
“Eh, it was alright. Had some problems with a few of the trap doors and stuff but that’s how it goes. How about you…how was your final and work?” he asked leading her into the living room.
“Final went well and work was…pretty good,” she closed her eyes as he wrapped his arms around her on the couch. “Did you put all my boxes away?” she turned her head to look at him inquisitively.
“I certainly did ma’am,” he nodded his head. “I thought you could use the additional space. As much as I know you miss seeing the décor of lovely cardboard I think it’s for the best.”
“Gosh thank you so much Nick!” she patted his chest. “I would have kept putting that off until it was time for me to move into some other apartment. Since when did you become the handy man?” she teased. “Unpacking my stuff…making,” she stopped to sniff the air. “Lasagna for dinner.”
“Well don’t feel too loved, it’s Stouffers,” he confessed sheepishly and buried his face in her hair.
“I love you,” she said and flinched when she realized she said it aloud. She really needed to stop doing that.
“I love you too,” he told her. “And you have no idea how good it is to hear you say that to me. Hey,” he patted her thigh. “What are your plans for Christmas? Winter Break starts for you on Friday.”
“Well I was planning to go back home, to Tampa,” she stated and started playing with his watch. He had such slender and feminine wrists. She always thought they were so feminine for such a masculine guy.
“Do you think you’d like to spend it with me?” he cautiously asked. “I was thinking about that earlier and I’d really love to spend the holidays with you. It’s going to be all my family here in LA.”
“Yea sure,” she smiled at him completely stunned by the notion that she was going to spend the holidays with him. Had they really gotten back to this point so quickly? It was as though the past months had never happened. “I’ll call my mom tomorrow morning and tell her to start looking at flights. She’ll be glad to have some plans because we were both a little worried about spending the first Christmas without my father all alone.”
“Oh that’s right,” he licked his lips. Trying to make her feel better he changed the subject, “I was talking to Brian today about the Bahamas and when we were all there together and I was remembering that night that we had your ‘carpet picnic,’” he told her. “Do you remember that?”
“Sure do,” she muttered and still fascinated herself with his watch.
“Well that’s the theme for tonight. That’s the main reason I cleared out your boxes, although I do also like being a help to you, but I thought we needed a place to set down our dinner.”
“Wow Nick,” she smiled still looking at his wrist. “That’s really sweet of you, thanks. I can’t believe you remember that even. I thought I was the only one who remembered all those silly things we did together.”
“Nope,” he smirked shaking his head and frowned when he realized she wasn’t even looking at him. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked taking her chin by his finger and drawing it towards him. “All the sudden you seem like you’re somewhere else. Where are you?”
“It’s nothing,” she assured him.
“Lucky for you I know how to translate that into ‘Something big is on my mind,’” he glared at her with a serious expression. “Come on, you can tell me. What’s troubling you?”
“I was just thinking about work, I saw Zach today.”
“Oh yea…how’d that go?”
Turning her neck she looked at him and studied his face, as though she was inspecting it to see if it was real. She could not help but feel terrible about the way things had gone with Zach because she understood what he was going through. More than she ever wanted to admit. “He’s hurt,” she sucked on her lips. “He’s angry and confused by everything…like I expected. It just,” she paused. “It just bothers me to see him like that. I mean, it kills me to see him crying like he was and knowing that I was the one that caused all that pain.”
Unsure what to say he just looked at her and nodded his head. Zach was going to be a tough topic to discuss between the two because he wasn’t solid ground. Hannah had dated him so she cared about how he felt and Nick could not pass judgment on him because it was the part of Zach that she cared about that forced him to keep silent. “Well just give him time hun; things will work out,” he promised in hopes that the subject would change.
“You don’t know what it’s like to be rejected do you?” she asked him. “You don’t know how it feels to be turned away by someone that you really love. It kills Nick; it absolutely tears you apart to be shut out like that when you don’t understand why.”
“I know what it’s like to hurt,” he told her.
“No,” she shook her head. “Not like I do and not like Zach does.”
“I thought you didn’t even love him? How serious could this be?”
“Sure I don’t love him, but he loves me. He told me he loved me the night before I left for New York. I couldn’t say the same thing back but he said it, and he felt it. And now I’m breaking up with him for something he doesn’t understand. He never even knew I had you so it’s like I just came out of no where with this and I feel so bad because I know how it feels. It makes me feel like shit knowing that I’m making him feel the same pain I felt when you rejected me.”
She hated that she was making this about her and Nick because it wasn’t fair to him. She knew he was trying so hard to move past all the bad stuff that went on between them. He was really trying and probably the last thing he wanted to hear was how she felt bad about Zach hurting because it was the same thing he had done to her on an even more magnified level. “I’m sorry,” she sighed and looked at him. “I need to stop doing this.”
“Doing what?” he asked obviously worried by her up and coming answer.
“Making this about our break up. I need to stop making it come back into conversations where you’re trying to cheer me up and look to our future. It’s stupid and selfish…I apologize. Forget I even mentioned Zach at all.”
“Well I’m not going to lie to you,” he answered. “I don’t like talking about or break up because who would like talking about their biggest mistake over and over? But whatever is bothering you will always be important to me. So if the situation with Zach is bothering you then we can talk about it.”
“No,” she denied. “You don’t need to worry about him. We’re still working out our own problems here. Last thing I need to do is to make this about a third person. When’s dinner going to be done? I think we should start setting up the carpet for our picnic and just spend a nice evening together.” Struggling she tried to stay focus on their relationship, and follow Jackie’s advice. She needed to be there for Nick and that meant forgetting Zach because bringing another man into the picture would be extremely self-destructive.
“The clock says it should be about done in five minutes,” he told her.
“Ok,” she smiled. “You get the candles and I’ll get the silverware and plates, deal?” she patted his arm and tried her hardest to enjoy his presence.
“Deal,” he agreed and helped her to her feet. “And I’m going to sing to you tonight,” he warned. “And you’re not running out of the room.”
“OK,” she laughed. “Just so long as you promise not to sing that ‘She Fucking Hates Me’ tune.”
“Gosh,” he wrinkled his nose. “I don’t think you have to worry about that one. I can’t believe I ever sang that song to you. Talk about being an ass.”
“Just so long as you don’t actually believe the lyrics,” she shrugged her shoulders and started for the kitchen to grab a couple plates leaving him to watch her figure disappear into the doorway.
Once in the other room she sighed a deep breath, ‘What is wrong with me,’ she pounded her hand into her head. ‘You can’t keep thinking about stuff that’s going to kill the mood.’ Peering back into the living room she saw Nick opening drawers and drawers in a search for candles and she could not help but feel bad about how hard he was trying when she wasn’t feeling it. She loved him and he loved her, but it was just too much too soon. The buzzer on the oven screamed out causing her to leap into the air and nearly drop the plates she was holding. “Nick, come check your lasagna,” she told him.
Brushing past her he opened the oven to examine his masterpiece and reached for the hot pads, signifying that it was time to eat. “Now, I also got us some salad and wine.”
“Wine,” she chuckled. “Are you still unaware of the fact that you don’t turn 20 until January?”
“AJ bought it,” he assured her. “We went shopping together. You don’t want to even know how much chaos that created at the store. I had no idea that many house wives shopping for their families would recognized us.”
“Well looks like you made it out untouched so let’s eat,” she waved him into the living room and he trailed behind with the food in his hands. Setting it down on the carpet around the lit candles he smiled at her glowing reflection in the dim light. “This looks wonderful,” she complimented and served him a piece of lasagna. “Talk about a pleasant surprise; I was not expecting this.”
“I still have some charm left in me,” he said unfolding a napkin and placing it across his lap as he watched her take the first bite of her food and lick her lips in approval. “I’m glad you like it though.” He set down his plate and poured some wine in each of the glasses. “Let’s make a toast.”
“A toast to what?” she asked shaking back her hair.
“To tonight and all nights like it to come,” he raised his glass and tapped it against hers.
Placing her glass down she watched him with a close eye. ‘He is so beautiful,’ she told herself recognizing just how good of a person he was inside and out. The couple finished their romantic dinner on the carpet with plenty of flirtatious glares and discussing the upcoming holiday. Everything about the night seemed so perfect but Hannah could not help but feel wary about the whole thing as though it was just a dream, too good to be true. After they finished their meal they settled into each other’s arms on the couch and watched some television.
“You’re so amazing,” he whispered in her ear as they watched an old Cosby Show rerun. “Do you know that? You really are. So beautiful, so smart, so talented…so good for me. I promise you I will do whatever I can to make you see that.”
“You don’t have to,” she told him and rubbed his arm. “I already know that you love me. We’ll be ok now.”
“We sure will,” he squeezed his arms around her and she winced as a single tear slipped from her eye. “Why are you crying?” he noted as he wiped it away.
“It’s all seems too unreal.” Wrapping herself deeper in his arms she leant back into his chest. “Everything about tonight seems like it’s not happening but it is.”
“And that makes you cry?”
“No,” she shook her head. “It doesn’t make me cry. It just makes me wonder.”
“Wonder…about what?” Terrified he kept holding her dreading her answer.
“If this is all moving too fast; is this too much…too soon?” she asked more to herself than Nick. “You staying here, this dinner…planning for Christmas together. A week ago we weren’t even talking and now….”
“And now this is too much for you?” he finished her sentence with extreme agitation.
“We can’t just pick up where we left off. Can we? You and I…we both had to have changed over these past few months. It seems like we’re both trying so hard to make things right that we’re just pretending our problems don’t exist. We’re concealing them Nick not dealing with them.”
“And what exactly do you propose we do…couple therapy? How much more do we have to go through until it’s acceptable for us to be together? I’m tired of pleading my case to you. Sorry, but I’ve had just about enough of begging you to see that I love you and to forgive me for what I did. There’s only so much I can say or do, so if you can’t forgive me then just let me know now before either of us waste any more time.” Shutting his mouth he gasped at the words he had just said as she stared at him completely stunned. “I…Hannah, I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t make apologies for being honest. If you got me you’d know that that’s all I’m trying to get you to do here. All I want for either of us is to be completely honest and open with each other. You probably have just as many things on your mind about there being an us again as I do; please don’t keep your mouth shut about them because you’re afraid it’s going to tick me off.”
“But I don’t want to tick you off sweets,” he took her hand and kissed it. “I want you to know that I love you and that I’m here for you. I don’t need to remember all the bad to know the good.”
“That’s not a relationship though. You don’t need to walk on egg shells around me because I’m not planning on going anywhere. We’re in this together, it’s hard on the both of is but we’ll get through it together. I believe in us Nick. I know that we can make this work, but we can’t if we just try to shove everything bad underneath the rug and move on with our lives. We should take things little by little.”
“So you want to go slower?”
“It’s not that I want to go slower, it’s more about me wanted to face whatever issues there are between us. I know it pains you to admit it but we’re going to have to get to know each other almost all over again because I grew up a lot over these few months as I’m sure you have too. We can’t just cling to the past memories of us, talking about when we did this or that…”
“I’m sorry, I thought couples liked to reminisce on good times,” he looked down.
“They do honey,” she lifted his chin and kissed his lips. “But we can’t only do that. I want a relationship with you past, present, and future.”
“I’m such an idiot aren’t I?” he shook his head. “I actually thought that we would get back together and automatically be happy. I thought it would be that easy.”
She brushed her hand across his face and through his hair, pushing it out of his eyes. “You wanted it to be that easy, and so do I. But a few months down the road I don’t want all these underlying issues to spark up which is why it’s important that we cope with them now.”
“You’re right,” he kissed her forehead and pressed his against hers. “As long as you know I love you and you love me we’ll be fine.”
“Of course we will,” she smirked and leant further into him, butting their noses. “And it will be exciting to spend the holidays together; you know that’s all I ever wanted.”
Wrapping her arms around him she kissed his lips softly, if not to please him but to assure him that everything would alright. She could feel the hesitation behind his touch softening and his embrace tightened. Mumbling in her ear he told her he had something for her. “I wrote you a song today,” he whispered.
“You…did?” she gasped as her heart melted.
“Yea, it’s probably not as good as a lot of your stuff but I wanted to write down a lot of how I was feeling today while eating lunch.”
“Awww Nick!” she jumped into his arms. “That’s so sweet! When do I get to hear it?”
“Now if you want,” he told her taking both of her hands in his. “I have to admit though, I’m pretty embarrassed.”
Baffled she squinted her eyes at him, “Why? You do this sorta thing all the time; it’s how you earn a living.”
“Yea, but none of those fans really matter. Well, they do as a whole. But as individuals it doesn’t matter to me what they think but with you that’s different. All that really matters is what you think of it, yours is the only opinions I really care about.”
“Sweetie,” she tugged his shirt. “You don’t need to worry about that; everything you do is like magic to me.”
Clearing his throat he straightened his posture and looked deeply into his eyes.
Everything I want to hold in my arms you possess
You could be that one for me
Love me with a sweet caress
I try to play my cards right
Say my prayers each night
Hoping and dreaming for a wish to come true
For it to be just me and you
Closing his eyes his voice cracked as he moved into the chorus.
You could be my forever
I can see us walk down that isle together
Vows and promises that I will keep
As you’ll be my everything
My one true love
My eternity
Sucking on her lips she looked at him with wet eyes and wondered how it could be that she ever wanted to forget him. He was so wonderful and she would have been a fool to run from that.
Nothing makes sense without your hand in mine
Let me give you all you desire
Let’s make a brand new life
Together, forever
I promise to love you endlessly
I can be all you want, just believe in me
You could be my forever
I can see us walk down that isle together
Vows and promises that I will keep
As you’ll be my everything
My one true love
My eternity
He took her hand and placed it against his racing heart beat. The pulse that pounded between them was like electricity.
Hoping and dreaming for a love that’s fair
I swear to you, I will always be there
Lend me your heart and your hand
Make this love of ours forever land
I am all you need
I will be your everything
Just take one moment to see
You and I are eternity
You could be my forever
I can see us walk down that isle together
Vows and promises that I will keep
As you are my everything
My one true love
My eternity
He trailed off the final note and looked at her encouragingly. “Well…what do you think?” he asked.
She closed her eyes for a moment to gather her thoughts and opened them to see his shining face. “I think you’re my eternity too.”
**THE SONG "MY ETERNITY" IS MY OWN WORK SO PLEASE RESPECT IT AS SUCH
Chapter 18
Lost in the Rain Main
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