Chapter 16
“Oh my god,” Hannah exclaimed as she walked briskly into Melissa’s office. “Thank you so much for being a stubborn and pig-headed bitch!” she hugged the confused woman.
“What are you talking about…since when is my personality a good thing?”
“Since it got me that article,” she smiled and hugged her again.
“Hannah, that was weeks ago,” she shrugged her off. “Appreciate the enthusiasm, but it’s a little expired.”
“I know, but if it weren’t for you I never would have taken it. If I never took the job I would have never gone to New York. Without going to New York I would have never seen the Backstreet Boys again. If I never saw them again I would never be as happy as I am now at this precise moment,” she gloated.
“Does this mean you and Nick got back together?” she asked raising one brow.
“Lucky guess! Has anyone ever told you that you belong on jeopardy?”
“Wow,” she opened her mouth in shock. “I don’t even know what to say. Congratulations…?” she said warily.
“Oh please don’t kill me with your joy,” she rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.
“How did that happen though? I thought you hated him. You said that after the incident in your dorm room you never wanted to see him again, much less get back together. What changed all that? Does it have something to do with that black eye?” she questioned as she pointed to Hannah’s face. The bruise was much better but still there.
“Who would have known?” she smiled and cocked her head. Shrugging her shoulders she sighed, “Well I didn’t do it alone; AJ convinced me to go see Nick at his rehearsal and we talked but I ran out then because I was worried about everything with Zach. So then, later at a bar with Zach Nick saw us together and flipped out. He tried to hit him but got me instead, which explains the bruise. So I took him back to my place and while watching him sleep, and having heard how he felt and then seen it at the club, I knew that he loves me. I had to remind myself that he wasn’t a monster, but Nick. And when I realized that, I realized that I do love him…still.”
“He didn’t try to use on of those lines from his songs did he?”
“No!” she laughed. “He can’t lie to me, at least not to my face, because I know his eyes too well to see what’s in them. It scared me at first and I tried to run from the truth because I didn’t want to still love him but I can’t help it. I can’t stop myself from loving him no matter what I do.”
“Or what he does,” she muttered to herself under her breath. “So you still love him, ok…what happens next?”
“When he woke up we had another talk and I decided to try and trust him. I showed Nick the poems I wrote after our break up and that’s when everything came together.”
“Came together…how so, sex?”
“No...came together as in Nick finally understood the reason we were ever separated to begin with. He realized how much writing is a part of me and that it’s just as much a dream of mine as his music is his. Basically that was the only thing missing between us ever and now we’ve got that.”
“He knows you can write so now all he did is swiped away?”
She sighed, “It’s not swiped away.” Walking across the room she looked out the window at the busy streets. “But I have to believe in him like I believe in myself. Nick was everything to me and I feel I owe it to him to at least try.”
“And you’re really ok with that? I’m not trying to tell you not to get back with him…”
“That’s what it sure sounds like to me!” she snapped and spun around.
“I want you to be happy and do this for yourself, not just because you pity him and have all these fabulous memories of how things once were.”
“I am doing this for me. Punishing him by staying away punishes me just as much you know? I love him, God help me, I love him and he might not be perfect but he does love me and I just feel like nothing’s right unless we’re together.”
“Alright,” she surrendered. “What about Zach?”
“Yea, what about Zach?” someone repeated behind her and Hannah turned to see that it was Zach himself. Stepping back she bit onto the inside of her cheek and fought to stay calm. “I can’t believe that you’re forgiving the ass hole that did that to you!” he yelled looking at her face.
“I don’t expect you to understand…”
“Then make me! Because it seems like you’re making an extremely dumb move.”
“You just don’t get it Zach,” she shook her head and ran her hand through her hair. “I can’t even explain it because it’s one of those things that just is.”
“No,” he argued. “You can’t explain it because it makes no sense to anyone, even you.”
“Please don’t turn this into a fight. Hell, Friday you were the one so insistent on meeting the Backstreet Boys, now what? They’re all the sudden not good enough because one is in love with me??”
“Am I the only one that sees your face? That guy punched you yet I’m the bad guy. How can you defend someone who did that to you on top of what else I don’t even want to imagine?”
“You know Nick hitting me was an accident, it could have happened just as easily with you. You, who by the way, were the reason that whole fist fight happened to begin with. If you hadn’t insisted on playing he-man none of this would have happened.”
“Don’t make this my fault when it’s his.”
Hannah glared at Melissa who stood there watching completely silent. “What did he do, get mad when he saw the love of his life with someone else? You’re right,” she held up her hand. “What an ass hole he is. Gosh, if you knew how I reacted when I saw him with another girl in New York,” she rolled her eyes and leaned on one hip. This was not going well; he was not supposed to overhear her conversation.
“What am I supposed to think here?” he asked. “You never mentioned this big love of yours. I had no idea he even existed but BAM I’m kicked to the curb. If he meant so much to you why did you let me fall in love with you?” he yelled with a lot of hurt behind his voice. She didn’t want to do this to him because he didn’t need to feel worthless. It killed her to see him like this.
“Zach,” she walked towards him to try and comfort him. “I’m so sorry, I am. I should have told you about him. Everyone told me too but I couldn’t because I didn’t know what you’d do; I didn’t want to lose you.”
“But now that you’re back with the Backstreet Boy it’s over. Basically what you’re saying is you only wanted me when he didn’t want you. I was nothing but a hobby for you, someone to make you feel wanted but all it ever was to you was a game.”
“It sounds bad I know but it really wasn’t like that because I do care for you, I just love him…I hate to talk to you about me loving someone else because it must be hard to hear but I don’t know how else to make you understand. I really care about you and I want you to be happy and loved. You deserve someone who will cherish you forever; that person just isn’t me,” she cried and wiped her eyes. “It can’t be me; I’m sorry.”
“This isn’t fair you know? You played me and now I’m supposed to pity you because you’re crying. Well, you win! I do pity you because you’re going to waste your life on a complete ass hole.”
“He’s not an ass hole,” she confessed. “Neither am I…and neither are you.”
“Please don’t ever put the three of us in a sentence again,” he demanded and pushed past her. “I’m through here. Enjoy life with precious Nick Carter,” he sneered. “Have fun bragging to everyone about just how lucky you are to be dating a celebrity. Just don’t come crying to me when he breaks your heart…again!”
He slammed the door hardly behind him and Hannah stood completely stunned by the scene that just ended. Closing her eyes she rubbed her hands together in hopes that she’d see that it was all a dream and she was about to wake up. No such luck though, it was real. “Well are you happy now?” Melissa finally spoke up and took a seat at her desk.
“How could you just stand there and not say a word?” she groaned. “Of course I’m not happy but maybe with a little help he wouldn’t feel this badly right now. How could you just stand there and let him tear himself apart like that?!”
“I don’t know what exactly you thought I should say. Was he really wrong there? Because to me it looks like he figured out the truth. You did give him false hope and make him fall for you to just leave him as soon as your other guy took you back.”
“No,” she shook her head. “I was completely upfront with him about my feelings. When he told me that he is in love with me I told him that I couldn’t say the same thing but maybe I would be able to someday. I was never anything but honest with him. Why should it matter that I didn’t mention having a Backstreet Boy as an ex-boyfriend? We never talked about his exes…why should I talk about mine?”
“Because you just so happen to be still caught up on the guy. If you were completely over him and moving on with your life that’s one thing, but obviously that isn’t the case.”
“Zach and I never even declared a monogamous relationship. I never said I wouldn’t be seeing other people, which is basically what I’m doing now. I’m telling my other guy that I can’t see him anymore because I’m getting back with the love of my life and the man I’m supposed to be with. Zach was the guy on the side Melissa and you know it, I don’t understand why you’re jumping down my throat about this when I’m not doing anything wrong except making myself happy.”
“As long as you’re happy then,” she spun in her chair. “Be happy Hannah and nevermind the people you hurt along the way. Funny how you were so angry at Nick for the exact same thing you’re doing to Zach. Don’t you find yourself the least bit hypocritical?”
“I don’t need this,” she played with her ear.
“That’s right and I don’t either…come to think of it neither does Zach. So why don’t you just go off with your guy.”
“With my guy? You seem to be forgetting that he just so happens to be the one person that I am madly in love with.”
“You mean you don’t have some tour to follow him around on? I thought you were here to give me your two weeks notice. After all, I’m sure your schedule will be filling up quite a bit now that you’re back with him. All that press and media coverage must really get to you.”
“What?! You think I’m only dating him because of his fame. That’s crazy, his fame is the one thing I cannot stand about him. I’m in love with Nick, not ‘Nick Carter.’ Ok, so he is Nick Carter but not the Backstreet Boy. I’m not in love with the guy whose face is on the cover of magazines around the world and on millions of little girls’ rooms. I love him. I can’t believe you think I’m that shallow.”
“I can’t believe you think it’s ok to walk over good people like Zach like he’s some sort of waiting room until Nick takes you back.”
“Correction, I take Nick back…” she waved her hands in front of Melissa’s face. “I didn’t want to get back with him; I kept telling him no because in my mind I knew that there was something with Zach. But I can’t just hold off on the greatest thing I’ve ever had in my life because there might be ‘something’ with Zach. Why do I even have to apologize to you for going with my heart?”
“Because I just watched you tear out the heart of someone who just so happens to be in love with you. Someone who is a really great guy who doesn’t deserve to be treated like chopped liver the way you do. You must not see how wonderful Zach is. You were so lucky that he felt about you the way he did and you washed that down the drain because you were given a second chance at something that’s impossible.”
“Maybe we are impossible, I don’t know. But I need to find that out. I need to make sure that things are really over between us before I can shut that door in my life because if I don’t do that now then I’ll spend the rest of my life wondering if I made a huge mistake. I have to give us a chance.”
“Forget Zach; look at what you’re doing to yourself. This guy intentionally tore you apart. He knew just how much he was hurting you yet he continued to do so anyway. This, coming from someone who supposedly loves you so much? My theory is, that he’s only taking you back now because he’s in town for rehearsal. What happens when he has to leave again and you can’t go with him? You’ll probably just go down that same road again.”
“I’ve been down that road before and it’s over, I can see it in his eyes. You don’t know Nick the way I know him. He can’t lie to me face to face, which is why he never took my phone calls and stayed away because if he saw me he would know that he loved me and that we should be together. That’s why he was hiding and ignoring me! Not because he doesn’t love me.”
“And somehow him being afraid to admit to his love is a stable relationship? Get a grip Hannah!”
“No,” she walked towards the door. “I can’t listen to this because I have to have faith in Nick right now. I have to do this ok, and if you keep talking to me you’re going to talk me out of it. I don’t want to be talked out of it! I’ve made my decision and I want you to respect it. It doesn’t matter now, Zach’s gone and he’s not going to take me back anyway so why can’t you just accept the fact that I’m getting back with Nick?”
“Do what you want to do, just don’t let it interfere with your work,” she stated and began typing at her computer. Closing her eyes she opened the door and walked out into the hall. With the door shut behind her she leant up against it and gripped her forehead. ‘Please let me be doing the right thing,’ she begged and walked towards her office to get her purse and head back home to Nick.
Outside she searched through her bag for her car keys unable to find them, “Damn it!” she yelled allowed as a napkin slipped out of her purse. Bending down to pick it up she recognized it to be the phone number of a kind woman she met a bar one not a while back. With a shiver she remembered what had happened after she left the bar to return to her dorm, “Hmm, I wonder if she’s free tonight,” she bit on her lip and took out her cell phone. Making a quick call she was glad to hear that the woman did remember her and agreed to meet her in an hour at the same spot. Glad to have someone else to talk to Hannah snatched her keys from the very bottom of her purse and drove off to get changed.
Her apartment was empty when she got there, which was a good thing. It meant that Nick had made it to rehearsal and there would not be any death threats from Kevin. When she walked into the bar she immediately spotted the woman sitting on a stool with her jacket placed on another one, probably to save it for Hannah. “Hey!” Hannah greeted her and took a seat. “I’m so glad you could make it, I just found your number this afternoon and thought it’d be fun to meet and catch up again.”
“Yea, this was a great idea. How are things with you? You mentioned something about that ex-boyfriend of yours on the phone,” she laughed and called over the bar tender.
“Well,” she sighed. “That’s why I called because I thought you might be able to offer me some advice. I got this job in New York for a couple days and while I was there I ran into my ex.”
“Really?” she asked a little shocked. “How did that go?”
“Not well, I got mad and we never really even talked but then he came here to LA. He’s in town for a little while on business and he stopped by my place unexpectedly and we got into this fight. He told me that he loved me and all this wonderful stuff about how he wanted to get back together. I ignored it but then the other night we were back alone at my place and I realized just how much I wanted to be with him too.”
“Why would you want to be with him too, after what he did to you?” she questioned.
“Because I still love him and because of a lot of things that he said. He loves me too, I know he does and he’s really sorry. I felt so bad when he told me that he hasn’t been with anyone else sense me because I had that Zach guy.”
“Right! How’s Zach taking all this…does he know?”
“That’s what I need advice about. I was talking with my boss and friend at work today about the situation and Zach overheard everything. Right now he’s furious with me for going back to Nick, as he should be, but I really don’t think I should stay with him. Melissa, my friend, was yelling at me over this whole thing and saying that I was making a huge mistake but I don’t think I am. I love Nick.”
“Is Nick your boyfriend?”
“Yea,” she nodded. “Remember when you told me that he might not have been returning my calls or seeing me because it would hurt him too much…that he loved me and just couldn’t deal with it?” she asked.
“Oh, yea sure I do,” she agreed.
“Well that was the case, exactly. Which is so stupid I know but he feels so bad about it and I had to admit to myself that I can’t punish him for what he did for forever because then I’ll be missing out on what I want. So I took him back the other day, we got back together but is that really what’s right?”
“The only person that really knows the answer to that is you. I can tell you that I don’t think you’re making a mistake on giving him a second chance because I can tell by the way you talk about him that he’s really important to you and I believe in second chances. That doesn’t mean that things are going to go perfectly though, things could go wrong again but I think that you can at least give it a chance.”
“Exactly,” she smiled. “See I knew you would understand. No one else seems to get it. His friends just tell me to go back with him and mine tell me to stay away from him. No body understands that it’s not easy to do either. Both options make sense but it’s hard to walk away when your heart’s involved and it’s hard to stay when you know things can end so quickly.”
“Things are rough when you love someone aren’t they?” she asked and Hannah nodded. “Where’s Nick now?”
“He’s probably at work, he’s staying with me in my apartment though.”
“You know what I think you should do because he’s probably just as scared as you are right now…I think you should be there waiting for him,” she told her. “He needs to know that you’re going to be there for him every bit as much as you need to know he’ll be there for you.”
“I see how it is, you’re tired of talking to me aren’t you,” she laughed.
“No it’s not that, I have a date,” she confessed. “And with the way my love life has been completely non-existent for going on three months now I need to work this one for all it’s worth.”
“Haha, good luck with it,” she smiled. “I hate leaving like this though. It seems like I just use you to talk about my problems.”
“I like hearing about them because it reminds me of my own. I know what you’re going through because I’ve been there before. But you can’t give up on love. Love may fade away at times but it never burns out. So the flame might be awfully low right now between you and him but that just means you’re gonna have to work at it to make it strong again.”
“Good advice, and great metaphor,” she concluded and took up her purse. “We’ll do this again?” she asked looking at her.
“We’ll do this again. And next time it’s going to be me telling you about all my problems,” she laughed to herself. “By the way, my name is Jackie,” she held out her hand and Hannah shook it. “I can’t believe we haven’t even exchange names before.”
“Pretty weird isn’t it,” she laughed. “I’m Hannah.”
“Hi Hannah, nice to meet you,” she teased. “Well I’m gonna get going and you better too. Good luck with this Nick, he sounds like a really great guy after all.”
“Yea,” she smiled to herself, “He really is…and good luck with your date.”
Walking back towards her car she was glad that she had a car to get into. The street still gave her the creeps from her attack that one night. But everything was going to be ok, she could feel it inside of her because the love she and Nick shared was stronger than anything. They were too strong together to let anything get in the way.
Chapter 17
Lost in the Rain Main
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