Chapter 12
Ringing out her wet hair into the sink she slipped into a freshly cleaned robe to examine herself in the mirror. Nodding in satisfaction she smiled, first shower in her new apartment. Searching her bathroom bag for a blow dryer she overheard a knock at the door and stopped, ‘Hmm, my first visitor,’ she grinned and skipped down the hall, through the living room, past the kitchen and opened the door with an ear to ear smile. “AJ!” she exclaimed embracing him in a big hug.
“Woah,” he pushed her off, “Someone’s a little wet,” he laughed.
“How’d you find my place?” Hannah asked shaking her hair in a towel.
“I called information, smart gal you are for listing yourself otherwise I would have never been able to find you.”
Stepping back, still smiling, she ushered him inside. “Come in, I’ll give you the grand tour,” she held out her arm like a Vanna White imitator. Room by room she showed him the whole place with a gloating smile on her face, this was her first apartment. She had one over the summer but that was provided for by the magazine, this was the first time she’d be the one paying the rent check. “And now, the grand finale,” she moved into the next room, “The living room,” spinning around she floated with excitement and he couldn’t help but grin at the sight of her so happy. “I have everything I could possibly want here AJ,” she gushed. “It’s the perfect size, came perfectly decorated, it’s in a great location…really close to campus, and to top it all off—“ she said grabbing him towards the window, “What do you see across the street?”
“A Starbucks,” he answered.
“Yep, what more could I want?” she giggled and pulled him over to the couch. “Now we can talk buddy…I just had to get that out of the way.” Taking a seat she tossed her towel on the floor.
“You are such a girl,” he laughed at her shaking his head.
“Hey now, I wouldn’t go dissing us girls when I believe you’re the one constantly stealing all our hair dye,” she teased ruffling his now red hair.
“So you’re really happy out here?” he asked bringing his leg across his knee and leaning back on the couch to watch her positively glowing with joy.
“I don’t think happy is the right word,” she smiled, “More like positively ecstatic! The only downside of being here was dorm life and now that that’s out of the way everything’s perfect.” It was the truth though, everything around her brought a smile to her face as though the California dream had become her California reality.
“Hey,” he said nudging her as he spotted a box marked ‘CDs and Cassettes,’ “What did you think of the album?”
“Uhh,” she looked up at the ceiling and then back down cracking up.
“I wanna know cause you were there when we wrote most of it and I wondered if you liked the final product.”
“It’s great,” she admitted. “Can’t say that I listen to it regularly but I enjoyed it.”
“Good,” he nodded, “I’m glad. What’s your favorite track?” he continued to pester her about her thoughts on the album, even though he had read the review she’d written.
“Gee, I don’t know! I barely even remember one from the next, hmm…probably that one about the shining star. Only because even though it’s not exactly a father/daughter song it reminds me of my dad cause that’s what he used to call me…his shining star. And I guess it has a really different sound than all the others.”
“It’s funny that you like that song best.”
“Why, because you and Nick wrote it?” she asked hoping he wasn’t trying to start a conversation about Nick.
“Yea, well sorta. I wrote that song about Amanda and he wrote that song about you.”
“That is funny,” she cocked her head with a smile, “Cause you and Amanda are no longer together and Nick and I broke up. Maybe next time you get the urge to write your girlfriend a song you should just keep it to yourself,” she giggled patting his shoulder.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” he said rubbing his ankle. “But unfortunately I think I already screwed up on that one.”
“You’re seeing someone?!” she squealed practically jumping on him, ‘Maybe having a Starbucks across the street isn’t such a great thing,’ she thought to herself noticing how peppy she was acting.
“Yea, I don’t really talk about it much because I don’t want to jinx it or anything but yea…her name’s Sarah. She’s an aspiring singer just like Amanda was…hey we don’t have to talk about this, I mean…it’s probably not easy talking about my new girlfriend when—"
“Why do you assume I don’t have someone?” Hannah asked inquisitively and he shrugged his shoulders with a playful grin, “For your information,” she tapped his nose, “I am seeing someone new.”
“Really?! I didn’t know that, what’s he like? How’d you meet him?”
“His name’s Zach and I met him at work. He’s an absolute sweet heart. I don’t think you’d like him much because he is sorta the clean cut type but he’s a real doll. The only problem is he wears his heart on his sleeve.”
“And that’s a problem because…”
“Because I’m not willing to commit myself like that again…yet. Look what happened last time I let myself fall so quickly, it ended extremely badly. So yea, I just play it safe but I really like him.” She couldn’t help but feel awkward talking about Zach with AJ; AJ being probably her ex boyfriend’s closest friend.
“Well good,” he smirked at her, “Sounds like you really do have it all now. Big change from when I first met you. You’d just lost your father, your mother and you weren’t on speaking terms…she was about to go into the hospital. And now, you’re like on cloud nine. All I have to say is good for you,” he patted her leg, “You deserve to be happy.”
“As do you…as does everyone. I mean, Nick…he wanted to separate himself from me and he did. I wanted independence and this job and I got it. You have a new girlfriend. Kevin and Brian are married. Howie, well he seems to be doing well too. Everyone got what they wanted, so everyone should be happy,” she nodded her head succinctly.
“Aww see you brought up Nick!” he gasped, “I thought I was going to have to be the one to get at that.”
“I know,” she gleamed, “I could see you twitching with anticipation to mention his name again so I put you out of your misery. I hope that this means you can see how much the issue of him just doesn’t bother me anymore. So you can report back to him that I’m perfectly fine, perfectly happy…so long as he doesn’t go around pulling that come back to me crap.”
“Yea, he did come back to me with everything you said the other day when he stopped by, and I have to say that I agree with it. Everything you said is right, and the strange part is Nick knows it is too. It’s weird man! But I guess that’s Nick for ya,” he sat up and looked at her.
“Correction, that’s Mr. I Can’t Think of Anything but Myself Ass Hole,” she joked.
“He really does feel bad about everything. He’s actually accepted the fact that he is an ass hole and has just been moping around rehearsal like he’s a dead man walking. Whatever he told you I assure you it was the truth, even though I understand that you don’t believe it.”
Sighing she pulled her hair behind her ears and slouched down into the sofa. “I want to believe him AJ, I really do.”
“Because you love him right? You’re still in love with him.”
“It doesn’t matter, you see I want to believe him because being with him was the happiest time in my life and if everything he says is true then I can feel that again. But then I remember that he was also the worst time in my life, that day when he broke up with me I couldn’t have felt any lower than I did. So he’s both ends of the spectrum for me.”
“But there were more good times then bad right?”
“I don’t know, depends if you only count when we were actually together. If all those months where he ignored me calculate into the problem then it could go either way...”
“And I suppose those do count for something. But how’d you two fall in love in the first place? I mean I only met you after the fact when you were all bubbly and happy…that’s all I ever got to see.”
“Actually,” she rolled her neck, “It was a lot like this. Him being persistent and not giving up…me pushing him away until I finally buckled. And now it’s the exact same, of course I don’t plan on giving in this time around. Second chances aren’t my thing.”
“Well Han, it was the other way around for a while. You calling him everyday and him pushing you away. So basically it’s always been like that…one begging and the other pushing away right?”
“Right,” she nodded realizing in her head just how ridiculous their relationship sounded coming from someone else’s mouth. ‘What was I thinking?’ she scolded herself.
“Nick wrote another song about you, you know?” he told her pulling him close to him so he could rest her wet head on his shoulder. He no longer cared about getting a little damp. “He didn’t even submit it for the album though, probably because it reminded him of you or something. I just thought I’d tell you that though.”
“Why?” she smirked, “This isn’t you trying to put Nick back into my life for him is it?”
“No, I just wanted to tell you that there’s another song out there with your name on it. Nick can’t do much but he can sing and he can write a good song.”
“And he can be a complete ass,” she added to the list. Sinking back into his arms she closed her eyes wondering just how much of what AJ was doing was him being a friend of hers or was it just Nick. “I’m glad you’re here AJ,” she confessed. “For months I wanted someone to talk to that really understood. I couldn’t talk about the break up with anyone because people would just be more interested in who the guy was instead of how I felt. It feels good to be able to talk to someone who actually understands because they know me and they know Nick.”
“Yea, know how that feels. So what did you do all this time? Just bottle everything up?”
“Pretty much, I didn’t tell anyone about Nick until I absolutely had to. When my boss offered me the job to cover your album I declined and she demanded that I explain why so I had to explain that Nick was my ex, of course who knows what good that did me considering she basically made me go anyway.”
“Aren’t you glad? Wouldn’t you regret not going if you passed it off onto someone else?”
“I thought I would but now I’m not sure. I sorta wish that I hadn’t gone because then I wouldn’t of had to have that conversation with Nick and watch him try to apologize and make up for what he did as if a few words would make everything ok.”
“But you are ok right? I mean you’re happy here, you’ve got that Zach guy, a dream job…probably getting high grades in school too. If only my life were as perfect as yours right now.”
“Life’s a series of ups and downs though…and you have to get through the downs before you can reach the ups. And trust me, the first few months here were absolute hell and every night I’d stand before the mirror wondering what I had done in my life to deserve such pain. He promised me everything only to take everything away.”
“Yea I can see why that wouldn’t be easy to forgive,” he hugged her closely resting his chin in her hair. “But I want to tell you something, even if you don’t believe me…you can forget everything I say once I leave.”
“Alright,” she said wondering if she had ever heard AJ talk in such a serious tone of voice.
“I’m only telling you this because I think you owe it to yourself to know the truth, because I know you loved Nick and you probably still do. I can’t think of anyone else I’ve ever seen him with in all the years I’ve know him that he has even glanced twice at, but with you he can never remove his eyes. It’s like you’re permanently glued in his vision or something. And I know that when we came to LA, that he did come by to see you. I know this because I was with him, I helped him get the address to your dorm. How else do you think he managed to get there the other day?” he chuckled a little and then cleared his throat to continue. “We saw you walking inside the building and he wanted to get out of the car but he couldn’t move. I didn’t know why and I will never understand it but I could see him trying, he wanted to talk to you but for some reason couldn’t.”
“Why couldn’t he talk to me?” she asked breaking into his speech. “It’s not like that wasn’t the only thing I wanted.”
“I don’t know…but I do know that now he still wants to talk...and this time he’s actually ready to.”
“Yea, so what’s your point?” she shuffled in his hold to look at him.
“Nick’s ready to talk Hannah, it’s just up to you to listen.”
Chapter 13
Lost in the Rain Main
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