Don't be a Fool, Stay in School!
Eastern Michigan University: a double edged sword. I have chosen the righteous path of the computer scientists before me and hence eradicated any chance of ever having a single attractive woman in any?ANY of my classes. It is not as if I don?t believe that an alluring female could grasp, and flourish in the courses handed to me by the Beelzebub himself. But it seems that when people start to talk of the differential equation and Mach Assembly programming language to them that their beautiful eyes in the beautiful heads seem to gloss over right before they slip into a coma.

The mechanical assembly programming language: Originally dreamt of in 1563 by Vlad the Unholy during an opium hallucination while on crusade near Jerusalem, the overall specifications of "Mach Assembly" were tattooed on the back of a nun turned whore. My classmates are all carbon copies of Nick Burns your company?s computer guy. These yiff'ing chucklefucks who spends their free time masturbating into golfing shoes at K-Mart, have perfected the technique of getting a maximum stench from a minimum area of armpit space. During the short intervals in which I regain consciousness from the smell-induced blackouts I suffer from, I try and focus on the prof. My lecturer resembles Bill Gates, and sounds like my favorite Muppet: the Swedish chef. This was quite entertaining until I realized that I did not speak ?gibberish?, or ?Dutch?, or ?whatever-the-hell-it-is?. I will now petition that there be a mandatory language test that all faculty must pass in order to educate the masses. This test would include things like ?A Grasp on Verbs? and ?Moving your mouth at the same speed as which you are talking?. Well, enough of my bitching. Next time I?ll try and write about happy things like puppy dogs and ice cream. This place is dead anyways