The Summer in Review
The summertime it has brought us many blessings...among those...heat, exhaustion, fat people in
bikinis, and of course music. But music is a blessed thing and is not to be mocked. That is not
to be mocked if you aren't a 4th rate comedy website, and we are. So let the mockery begin!
Let's take you down the list of a few albums that hit us this summer, and how they affected and
enriched our lives.
Weezer - Meladroit
KoRn - Untouchables
TRUSTCompany - self titled
Thirty Seconds To Mars - self titled
Soulfly - 3
Coal Chamber - Dark Days
Gorillaz - Gorillaz vs. Space Monkeys
Moby - 18
Eminem - The fag er I mean Eminem Show
And lastly the greatest comedy CD ever the RAOS underground comedy CD - yet to be released (so
sue me, fag)
So what is the significance of these releases? Let's take a look shall we?
1. Weezer. Alright so I guess it's still really super cool to be a 30 yr old closet homosexual
with a guitar and a band that shops at CHOC Thrift Store regularly, and looks like they just got
out of IHOP. So what offerings did we get from Meladroit. Well I can sum up my experience with
this CD by comparing it to getting a triple Yokozuna from Oprah Winfrey, Rosie O' Donnel and
that fat bitch from "The Parkers" on UPN...you know, U.nder P.aid N.egroes. I knew this CD would
be a crapfest when I saw the video for their new single: "My name is Rivers Cuomo, I sing for
Weezer, and I like using soldering irons as suppositories" This video featured the greatest in
musical talent...the Muppets. Ok so Animal is cool, and maybe that one bear dog fuckin thing
Rolf or whatever, but the frog can eat my ass and the pig reminds me of the demon that
frequently raided my fridge while I was on coke, acid, heroin, and kool-aid (with some vapo-rub
thrown in there). This was amplified when I saw Miss Piggy attempting to make sweet delicate
BONDED love with the fat waste of life that calls himself a drummer. I cried. At this point I
turned off the TV and enjoyed something much more meaningful...slamming my face into the wall
repeatedly until I lost conscienceness and entered the land of happy hamster world (just left of
magic mountain). So what's the bottom line? You'd have a much better time counting the creases
in your poop, than you would listening to this shit-fest, and if you enjoy such an awful
rendition of so called music, then a good time to listen to this CD would be while watching
pot-bellied-pig-midget-scat-fisting-beagle sex-facial porn, while using Crisco as lube.
2.KoRn. Good album. Go buy it.
3.TRUSTCompany. See review for KoRn.
4.30 Seconds To Mars. Jared Leto has taken it upon himself to make a CD, called 30 Seconds To
Mars, now it's good music...BUT WHAT THE FUCK DOES 30 SECONDS TO MARS MEAN?!?! SHIT ASS FART!
5.Soulfly. Ahhh nothing like getting your sphincter ripped in half by some kickass metal. This
CD was baaaaaaaad, with a capital HOLY SHIT! If you like true bred agro rock go and pick it up.
I guarantee your little whore sister will be crying by the time you get to track 6, and that
reminds me I've been plugging her for three years.......in the butt. And tell her she needs to
wipe out that Simplex A, Trevor aint happy...douche.
6.Coal Chamber. Dark Days feeled with happy summer fresh cleansing light, if happy summer fresh
light means I'm going to eat your kids. This CD made me confront the demons from within, that
just so happen to look like the band members from Bon Jovi...and mark my words. The day will
come when the ridersof the apocolypse will be revealed, and their faces will be those of Bon
Jovi's band members. But remember if you do join the side of evil, it is a path of darkness,
with a great dental plan. And you'll have a really killer "doo". Fuck feathered hair, and Bon
Jovi.
7. Gorillaz. I'm gonna spare my smartass comments, and say this. This aint the Gorillaz you
heard on the radio, this entire CD is reggae remixes of their old songs. Nuff Said.
8.Skipping Moby and heading straight for the goldmine....Eminem. Ok who doesn't hate this
guy...alright so Trevor's one but he doesn't count, because he smells, and he flips me off, a
lot, like just now. Now correct me if I'm mistaken, but I thought it a little odd for someone to
be bashing gays like EMinem does, and then him be so flagrantly gay himself. It's almost as if
he wants the whole world to know that he secretly collects porcelain dolls of Donny Osmond, and
has a shrine to L. Ron Hubbard's penis. Eminem whines and gripes about fame, personal problems,
and chronic bouts of mental retardation...which seem to come out whenever he is writing an
album. And for God's sake if I see another 12 yr old girl spouting off about how cool Eminem is
I going to be forced to murder her parents for principals sake.
Well this update was an exercise in tedium, and boredom, but I hope you enjoyed it and got a
laugh, if not...well...gotohell.
Steve, Trevor.
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