Talk about a fagtacular movie, Jeepers Creepers was the biggest waste of money since Pee-Wee's playhouse. The plot was flawed, The Actors were unconvincing and the monster is the stupidest fucking thing I've ever seen.
I don't really know what little detail to start with, wait now I know, it was the blatent fucking stupidity of the whole thing. To start, the two charactors weren't the brightest couple, and the last time I checked brothers and sisters tend to fight more often then these two were. Anyway, not only were the actors unconvincing (the chick was hot, I would do her in a flat second, so it doesn't matter with her) The stupidity involved with the charactors themselves was just way too much. I decided that the best thing to do would be to summerize the movie from my point of view. Unfortunatly I was drinking pirate juice so the movie gets kind of odd for me after thirty some odd minutes of watching. At any rate, this is the movie as I remember it.
Hannibles take on Jeepers Creepers
A brother and sister are for some stupid ass reason taking the long way home (always the smart thing to do when you have a short amount of time to get somewhere especially in real life) To pass the time, the siblings play a license plate game I don't remember how it goes exactly, something to do with the first one to add up the numbers and letters A=1 B=2 and so on, anyway the first to get the number down got oral sex from the other, I know but its the only scary part of the movie, incest wasn't my idea of a good movie when I rented this. Anyway a crazed man nearly runs them off the road. So the brother gets the number on the license plate right and his sister blows him. from there they keep driving, and they find the man driving the truck, they make the mistake of not minding thier own goddamn business and he catches them, he jumps in his car and runs them off the road again. Now they had just caught him dumping a body type thingy into a drainage pipe, and he let them live, however them being the stupid french canadian bastards that they are, they decide to go back. They find that the dude is harboring drugs or some stupid shit like that. The dude sees a nekkid chick on the wall and beats off, nothing important. They take off and go to a diner, they get a call from miss cleo saying that every time they heard the song Jeepers Creepers by Frank Sinatra, they should have sex or their skin would turn inside out and Frank Sinatra would personally come by and hit the both of them in the head with an empty bottle of courvasiey or however the hell you spell it, and sammy Davis Jr. would come and steal all their jewelery, cause you know how them negro's like to steal* so they had sex a number of times. After which they unmask the hideous beast that was after them all along, Charlton Heston, it took them a good 10 mins in the movie to realize that it wasn't a mask and the beast was really just chartlon heston with a hangover. So he shoots Miss Cleo in the forhead, rapes the girl, and beats the dude in the face with a tire iron, finishes a bottle of Jack Daniels, and beats a number of cops with it. Then once he's finally put in the police van, the brother and sister, after having some more premarital incestious sex, explain that the ape mask in his back pocket, the rifle in his left hand, and the bottle in his right hand were more then enough proof that Charlton Heston Was responsible for the Twin towers destruction to which he relplies "thats right and I would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for the fucking aliens".
THE END
| Plot:
| 3 |
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Acting: |
6 |
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Soundtrack: |
4 |
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Rewatchability: |
2 |
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Overall: |
15 |
*Direct Quote from the movie... I think...
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