Part Thirty-Five
**One Month Later**
Xander stared at the empty journal in front of him. Liam had told him it would help if he wrote his thoughts down.
So, Journal,
Huh, that’s kinda stupid. I’m gonna give you a different name.
So, J-man,
And that reminds me of Jesse. He called me the Xan-man sometimes. And I’d call him the J-man.
Huh. Wonder what Giles would
do if I started calling him G-man? Oh
well. Wonder where Jesse is.
Wonder what he’s doing. Or
who? No, don’t think that.
Bad thoughts! Stupid
pen, can’t erase you!
Iam’s been acting all weird, ever since Corey started hanging around. Aw, I can’t even kid myself. He’s mad at me for going out with Corey. Why? Does he think I shouldn’t be dating? That I should be waiting for Jesse? Should I be? What if Jesse’s trying to get back here to see me? Maybe he’s just really busy and doesn’t have the time to call.
Corey calls a lot. He’s always here. It’s a good thing Giles and Liam like him. And isn’t that weird? My shrink and my guardian are sleeping together. Loudly. And they’re always going at it! They should buy earplugs for me and Iam. Or something…
Anyway, Corey’s here, so I gotta go.
Later, J-man,
Xander
* * * * *
Bloody stupid journal,
Can’t believe I have to write in you. Like this is gonna sodding help. Stupid pillock, Liam is. Hate him. Hate Corey even more. I just don’t bloody understand why Uncle Rupert doesn’t see how evil he is. He’s a sodding shirt-lifting poof. And he’s going to hurt Xander. Pillock. What the bloody hell does Xander see in him?
Grrrr, so he wears tight clothes, and is cute, but he’s sodding evil! I’ve been watching them when they go out and all that bastard can think about is sex! I can just tell!! He’s always touching my Xander! And the way he kisses him, it’s like he trying to suck his brains out his mouth!
Oh, bloody… I think Corey’s here. I have to go!
* * * * *
“All alone, all alone,” chanted Dru over and over again, walking around her room, trailing one hand over the walls. Suddenly she stopped and began tracing stars on the wall, singing, “Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are…”
Rever watched the tape of Druscilla, laughing quietly to himself. She was reacting exactly as he hoped. In celebration, he decided to get her a present.
Ethan stared at the short letter he had received today. He had read it several times, but the words still weren’t sinking in.
*Uncle
Ethan,
You
wouldn't believe what's been happening around here, and I can guess you won't be
pleased by it either. I suppose I
might as well get to the point, Uncle Rupert is, for lack of a better word,
dating my psychiatrist. Apparently
you knew him in University, Liam O’Malley.
It’s
awful, Uncle Ethan! I can’t go
anywhere and they’re there, kissing. PLEASE come and do something about this!
Iam*
Setting
the letter down, Ethan allowed repressed memories to come surging back.
***
“Ethan,
luv,” pleaded Giles. “Please
don’t leave me.”
“I
can’t stay,” said Ethan reluctantly. “I
can’t trust you anymore.”
“But
Ethan, I promise it’ll never happen again,” begged Giles, grabbing Ethan’s
shoulder and pulling him into a rough kiss.
“I need you!”
Ethan
jerked away from Giles, “No. You
can’t promise me that, Rupe. You’ve
said that every time. And you never
meant it.”
“But
I really mean it this time. Never
again!”
“Until
someone bats a pair of tortured brown eyes at you.
You’re a sucker for the lost little boys, Rupert.
Quentin, Jordan, Phillip, and now Neil.
Especially Neil! My own
brother! You’re just playing with
him. And behind my back!
You say you love me and need me, but you’ve always got someone else in
the background! No more!
I can’t stay!”
Giles
nearly sobbed and reached for Ethan, “You’ll be close?
I can visit?”
Ethan
evaded the grasping appendage easily. “No. I’m going to the States.
I can’t tell you where. Just…
stay with your little toy and be happy.”
***
“Ethan.”
“Rupert.”
“I
can’t believe you came back. Are
you back to stay?” asked Giles almost indifferently.
“I
couldn’t stay away,” said Ethan shakily.
One year he’d been gone. One
year spent in agony from not being with Rupert.
“I just wanted…”
“Shhh,”
said Giles moving closer. “Don’t
say anything.” He pulled Ethan
close and kissed him softly. “You’re
here. Stay here.”
Ethan
sighed and allowed himself to be happy that Rupert would take him back.
“What about…”
“It’s
over,” promised Giles. “Never
again. Never again.”
***
Standing
in the shade of a tree the next day, on his way to see Giles.
Pausing when he heard voices.
“So
you’re just going back to him?” asked a deep voice filled with pain and
anger.
“Li…
I have to. I love him,”
came Giles’ voice.
“And
you don’t love me?”
Ethan
thought he vaguely recognized the voice now.
Liam… Irish. Couldn’t
recall the last name, but he remembered that years ago, in their sophomore year
of University, a Liam O’Malley had been raped.
He remembered this only because his older brother had been the rapist.
“I
do love you, Li, but not as much as I love him.”
The
voice sound cold as it spoke the next words, “And what about Dru?
She calls you ‘Daddy’ just the same as me.
Are you going to abandon her, as well?”
“I…
I… It’s Ethan, Li.
You have to understand.”
A
sigh, then a voice filled with resignation, “Go then.
Have your fun. You and I
both know that’s all it is. You’ve
said you love him and need him, but you played around behind his back.
You just want the security of knowing he’s yours because you had him
first and can’t stand the idea of anyone else having him even though you lost
real interest in him years ago!”
“I
did not!”
“Your
attitude towards him is like that of a prized possession that isn’t allowed to
leave your sight.”
“Stop
being a bloody psychatrist for one minute and just believe me!
You don’t understand!”
“Fine,
but Rupe, I love you. And I will
wait.”
“Don’t
make this harder on yourself.”
“You’re
the one doing this, not me. Just,
remember what I said.”
***
“You don’t love me! You’re just using me!” yelled Ethan angrily at the sprawled figure on the couch.
Giles frowned as he looked up from his book. “What?” he asked, confused.
“Did you think I wouldn’t find out? You’ve been dallying with my brother again! Neil is NOT a toy and neither am I! You can’t just keep doing this!”
“But, Ethan… It was just once…”
Ethan nearly screamed his next words as he fought his rage and pain, “And you said never again! You said never again!” He stopped and took a few deep breathes. “I can’t stay. I’m leaving again. This time for good!”
“Ethan…”
“No. Nothing you can say will ever change my mind. Nothing.”
***
After that, he’d gone back to the States. Only to be unable to stay away again.
***
“Uncle Ethan?” innocent blue eyes stared up at him almost fearfully as Rupert’s nephew Iam gripped a book tightly in his hands.
“Yes?” he asked gently.
“Will you read me a story?” Iam held the book out to him.
Ethan took the book and stared at it in shock. “Shakespeare?”
“Uncle Rupert is reading me the summer dream.”
“Summer dream? Ah… A Midsummer Night’s Dream? A fine choice, and I would be happy to read to you,” said Ethan, taking Iam’s hand.
***
“Why are you leaving?” asked Iam tearfully.
“I can’t stay anymore, Iam.”
“But you’re still my uncle, right?”
Ethan took one look at those tear-filled blue eyes and he was almost tempted to stay, just to make Iam smile again. Funny how he almost felt as if the boy were his own son. “Of course I’m still your uncle. And I’m not going terribly far away. Just to New York.”
“Too far,” sobbed Iam. “If you leave, I’ll be all alone!”
Ethan tsked at Iam, “Now, you have your Uncle Rupert. And your mother and father.” For some reason, which Ethan did not know, Iam’s eyes filled with fear at his last words. “I will send you letters, hmmm? How about that?”
“I can write back?”
“Of course. Just… don’t let your Uncle know, alright?”
“Why?” innocent eyes peeked from behind the boy’s tangled blond hair.
“Because he wouldn’t let you write to me,” said Ethan, deciding the best explanation was a partial truth.
“Oh.”
***
After that, he only had infrequent letters from Iam to keep him updated on Giles. And Iam hadn’t sent any letters in nearly five months. ‘But you can hardly blame the boy,’ thought Ethan sadly. ‘He’s been through so much. And we never saw it.’
The last letter had been the one that told of Giles’ adoption of Iam. “Still a sucker for the lost little boys, eh, Rupe?” Ethan had asked quietly.
And now he was back with Liam.
Damn him. He’d thought he’d gotten over Rupert years ago.
“Stay away! Just, stay away,” sobbed Jesse fearfully.
“You let your grades slip,” said Vincent evenly. “School is very important, and you have to have the best grades possible.”
“I’ll study longer,” pleaded Jesse, silently wishing Lindsey would return home.
“Now, now. I’m sure you will.” Vincent began unbuckling his belt. “But you need another lesson first.”
Lindsey walked in the door tiredly. The case he was working on was brutal and he was spending hardly any time with Jesse. So focused on his thoughts, he didn’t even notice that Jesse hadn’t greeted him at the door. “Jesse?” he called, setting down his briefcase and striding across the living room. “Jesse?”
“…in here…” came the nearly inaudible answer.
Lindsey rushed into their bedroom, to see Jesse huddled in the corner of the room, nearly hidden from view behind the bed. “Dammit,” he swore to himself. “Not again.” He raced to Jesse’s side. “Oh, baby, I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”
“I-is okay,” sobbed Jesse, clinging to Lindsey tightly. “He w-would have h-hurt you, too.”
“I’m taking you away from here,” said Lindsey decisively. “Vincent be damned. I can’t stay here and let him do this to you!”
“N-no!” wailed Jesse as loud as he dared. “He’ll find us and then it’ll be worse.”
“Shhh,” soothed Lindsey. “We’ll talk about this later. Let’s get you up and out of this corner.”
“D-doctor again?”
Lindsey stroked Jesse’s hair tenderly. He missed his bright, bold Jesse. “Yeah,” he whispered. “You know the drill…”
Corey murmured softly into Xander’s ear, “Mmm, I could dance with you all night.” He nibbled on the lobe for a moment. “Wanna go for a walk?”
“Yeah…” said Xander dazedly. Corey made him feel things he’d never felt before. Corey took his hand and led him out into the night.
“Let’s go this way,” said Corey, tugging Xander toward an alley.
Once deep into the alley, Corey pulled Xander close and kissed him deeply, teasing with his tongue and teeth. Xander wrapped his arms around the blonde, one hand on Corey’s back, the other tangled in silky hair. “Want you,” said Corey huskily.
Xander mindlessly pulled him back in, reinitiating the kiss. This time he was in control, nibbling on Corey’s bottom lip, then plunging his tongue deep.
Corey pulled away slightly, gasping for breath. Xander nibbled and kissed his way along Corey’s jawline, before dropping to his knees. “Xan…” moaned Corey when warm hands undid his pants and pushed them open. Then all coherent thought was gone as warm heat enveloped his cock. Moving up and down, a tongue swirling over the head and then tracing along the vein underneath. It didn’t take much and then he was cumming, as Xander swallowed every drop. Sated, he slumped against a nearby wall, thankful for the support.
Xander stood up slowly, wiping his mouth. “It was okay?” he asked, uncertain.
“Amazing,” panted Corey. “Just amazing.”
Xander looked at Corey, then shyly glanced away.
“What?” asked Corey. He fastened his pants back up, then went over to Xander.
“It’s just… IthinkImightloveyou…”
Once Corey deciphered the rushed jumble of words, he evilly smiled in his mind. “Well,” he said, in a husky voice, “I might just feel the same.”