The loft is empty now. The life has gone with Blair. But still I stay. I can't bear to sell it and move away even though the pain is great when I am here. This was where I loved. This was where I learned to live. Before Blair I was an empty shell, barely existing. Now I am whole again. I know he is watching over me. Making me live each day without him. I try to see the world as Blair saw it. It is different now. Everything is fresh. Everything is new. Everything is exciting again. I am like a child discovering the world for the first time. I have full control of my senses and a peace that I never knew before. I miss him more than anything, but I know that he is happy where he is. I love him still and know that he loved me also. He may be gone, but we will always be one. If he had never met me, he might still have been living. He might have found a wife and had a family. He might have become Dr Sandburg. His work might have changed the world. Instead he met me, became part of my life and my heart. Because of me his life is now over. The big question is this: Knowing what I know now, Would I do the same again? Would I let him become part of my life again, only to be cut down in his prime? The answer is YES!! I *would* do it again because it was wonderful to know him. Wonderful to be his friend. Even spending only one minute with him would have been better than never meeting him at all. We had three wonderful years together. No matter what might've happened in the future, those three years can never be taken away. It hurts that he is gone, but never ever meeting would hurt more. I will continue living for him. I will keep his spirit alive in my heart until the day we can be together again.

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