____________......by Terri

John pulled into the driveway and got out of the car. He had a dozen roses and a bottle of wine. Will was in his room doing his homework, Julie was wandering around the kitchen, pulling pots and pans out of the cupboard and the baby was in her swing, sleeping.
Rosamond was at the sink with a head of lettuce and a colander. She was shredding the lettuce a little too violently and throwing it in the colander. She slammed the tomato on the countertop and slashed through it.
John came into the kitchen with the roses and wine and came up behind her and put his arms around her. She looked down at the arms encircling her with the wine and roses in front of her.
She said quietly, "I'm afraid that's not going to do it, John."
He disentangled his arms and said, "Can't I bring my wife home flowers for no particular reason?"
"Reason? You want to talk reason? I'll give you a reason! You have been promising to take me to that new Italian restaurant ever since Jenna was born! You kept saying, 'we'll go when we can get away for an evening.' Then I go to the gym to ask you to lunch and what do I find out? I FIND OUT FROM YOUR BROTHER THAT YOU ARE ALREADY HAVING LUNCH! At The Firenza Gardens! And I am having to find out from Daniel where you are. And Slim, Rafe and Moose are listening in at the door. Do you have any idea how humiliated I was?"
"No, I don't...."
" Humiliated doesn't even begin to cover it! Celeste graciously offered to watch the children so we could spend an nice lunch together and what do I find? My husband is having lunch with a leggy redhead..."
"How did you know about the legs..?"
"..whose only talent seems to be a knack for working the pecs machine and getting men to spend money..."
"...but I needed the new hydraulic machines.."
"...and taking her to lunch when he has a wife that would like to spend time with him!"
Rosamond stood there with her hands on her hips.
"What do you have to say to that, John Gwinnett?"
He stood there and then he said, "I like your legs better."
She said, "Wrong answer!"
"What do you want me to say?"
"I want you to say you are sorry!"
"Sorry? For what?"
"For standing me up for lunch!"
"How can I stand you up for lunch when I didn't know we had a lunch date?"
"THAT'S BESIDES THE POINT!"
John's head was spinning by this time. "Whoa! You totally lost me!"
Rose turned back to her demon salad. She threw everything into a salad bowl and tossed the living daylights out of it.
John said, "Aw, come on, Rose. I leave tomorrow morning for Kansas City. Let's not fight tonight. This will be the longest we've been apart. I was hoping we could make it special tonight. Relax by the fireplace with a bottle of wine..."
She turned to him. "Right. With a baby that gets me up every two hours. I feel like a dairy."
Jenna woke up and began to cry. Rose picked her up and said, "She needs changing."
John took the baby and said, "Allow me. It's the least I can do for you."
She handed the baby over to John and he went upstairs. In a few minutes he came down cuddling Jenna and said, "I think you are down to two diapers."
Rose sighed. "I forgot to get them at the store."
He said, "OK--I'll run out to the store now and get them. Anything else you need?"
Rose said, "Just a gallon of milk and some cereal. John?...thank you."
He smiled at her and said, "Am I forgiven?" He took a step nearer to her.
She held up her hand. "Not so fast. We'll talk about it over the wine tonight."
John handed Jenna back to her and said, "I'll take Julie. I need some daddy-daughter time with her. Oh! Before I forget--I brought home some boxes of things for Daniel to pick up. He's coming over in about.." and here John consulted his watch--"...fifteen minutes. They are right by the back door. Would you see that he gets them?"
Rose nodded reluctantly.
John got Julie's coat and put it on her, along with a little knitted hat. "Ready, princess?"
He scooped her up and went out the door.

In the shadows, a Lexus pulled up. Angela Barzini sat there, chain-smoking and watching. Looks like he's not here. It's after six o'clock. He's not at the gym, I checked. They said he left for the evening. So where can he be? She lit another cigarette and inhaled deeply. Just then, a black Corvette pulled up in the driveway that swung around to the back. Angela perked up. Oh ho! So he's just now getting home. That rat!

Daniel knocked on the door. Will answered it and jumped up on Daniel's neck. "UNCLE DANIEL!"
Daniel gave him a bear hug and said, "Hey, sport! Are you getting taller or am I shrinking?"
Will laughed and they high-fived each other.
Daniel said, "Hey, Sis-in-law! I was supposed to pick up..oh, there they are!"
Rose said, "John went to the store to pick up some Pampers. He said you'd be here for them."
Daniel walked over and looked at the baby in the swing. Jenna was sleeping. Daniel said, "May I?"
Rose said, "Be my guest. But if she wakes up, she's going home with you."
Daniel carefully picked Jenna up and pulled the blanket away from her little face. "Oh, wow! I can tell right now--she looks exactly like Cecily!"
"How much younger is Cecily from you and John?"
Daniel did some mental math. "Let's see...ten years? Yeah. We were ten when she was born. She was always tagging along. She knew where every robin's egg was and where every blackberry bush was. She was something else! I think the two of you maybe would have gotten along."
Rose said, "She'd be about two years yoounger than me."
Daniel unconsciously rocked the baby. "Yeah. She's Cecily all over."
He laid her down. Then he hesitated. "Hey, Rose? About this afternoon. I'm sorry."
Rose shook her head. "No need. I am sorry too. Let's forget it."
Daniel said, "Where's Julie?"
Rose said suspiciously, "She went to the store with John...why?"
Daniel shrugged. "No reason. Do I have to have a reason to see my...niece?"
Rose pointed to the boxes. "They are out there, Daniel." He grinned. "OK--I know when I am not wanted. Tell John I'll see him in the morning. Kiss Julie for me."
Rose yelled, "YOU JUST HAVE TO GO AND SPOIL IT, DON'T YOU?"
She slammed the door behind him. He went outside and loaded up the five boxes that were on the porch into his car and roared out of the driveway.

At the sounds of the door slamming, Angela Barzini watched intently. Spoil? Spoil what? Their life together? Their marriage? And look! He's loading up boxes and putting them into his car. She really DID throw him out! She must have come home and packed up all his stuff. At least she put them into boxes. I would have shredded them, put them out on the lawn and turned the sprinkler system on them.
Angela ducked down as his car passed her. She sat up, turned the ignition over and said to herself, 'OK--now to find out where he is living now.'
She followed him, keeping a safe distance behind as the Corvette sailed into the night.


Oooooooops!.......by Coralynn..

Sally and Penelope hatch a pay-back plan for WandaSue.
"What are we paying her back for, for stealing the time travel coin? As far as being friends with her, we're the ones who turned our backs on her, not the other way around," Penelope tells her partner in crime.
"Yes, stealing the coin several times as a matter of fact. And, if she's going to be the mayor of the town, we might need someone in high places..."
"For what exactly?" Penny asks.
"Don't know right offhand, but you know there'll come a time..."
"Probably," Penny agrees, "so we don't wait till she's inaugurated, we do it now?"
"Tonight!" Sally says enthusiastically, "I found out where she's living now, too. Went on the internet and there it was, an article that said she's living at Camelot Condos. I think we've driven by there a few times. Let's go over right now and zap her butt to another timeframe!"
"Hmmm, which one would be really scary?" Penny muses.
"Ever hear of the Roman Coliseum? You know, the Christians were fed to the lions? Is that scrary enough for you?"
"Wow, yes!" Penelope agrees as they put on their coats and leave the apartment heading for Camelot Condos.

MEANWHILE:

"I keep telling you, Hol, it makes no sense to go out there and snoop around Ms. Young's condo."
"But I want to get a good look at this Salvatore Barzini creep!" Holly insists.
"His picture was in that article we found on the internet, isn't that good enough?"
"I think it was an old picture, though, Tiff. He looked younger and less fat and less balding and less....."
"I still think your plan is too dangerous!" Tiff sticks to her guns.
"You're chicken, Tiffany, but that's OK. I'll go by myself. If I'm not back in 45 minutes you'll know something went wrong, but nothing will."
Tiffany sighs loudly as her friend puts on a big overcoat that makes her size 8 frame appear as a 14, and leaves the place. She looks out the window and sees Holly walking toward where they think Ms. Young lives, the condo right next to the Office. Soon she can no longer see her as the darkness closes in.

Holly sees lights on inside Ms. Young's condo, and, getting up on tiptoe because the windows are high, tries to peer in. She's disappointed to see a living room devoid of anyone, so she stands back and looks up to the second floor, where a light is on in a bedroom. 'Of course!' she thinks, 'that's where Ms. Young would take olde Sal, ha! where else?'
Since the chances of looking into a second story window are remote, she decides to abadon the project altogether. Tiffany was right, darn it! She walks but three or four steps when suddenly she's grabbed by two people who are impossible to see clearly in the dark. She struggles against them, but when she hears the words "Roman Coliseum" she finds herself in a place with many people, a grate, a giant grate ahead of them, the sound of lions coming from the other side.
"What the hell?!" She yells and for the first time sees her assailants, two women she has never laid eyes on before. "What is this?"
Sally and Penelope look at each other in alarm, realizing they've made a terrible mistake, but too late, as Sally has already told the coin to return them whence they came.
Holly sees these women disappear before her very eyes, then notices that she is third in line to be pushed out into the open area in which the lions are standing, licking their chops.
"HELP!" she yells, but there is no one there to assist her, and her fate is sealed.

MEANWHILE:

Celeste senses ominous vibrations in the ethers, and glares at William across the room, sitting there watching CNN. 'Crystal ball on the fritz...again...and William cannot seem to buy one decent, operative computer so I can look up what's going on in the Story.' She can feel very heavy occurrences taking place, and her frustration at not being able to zero in on them is eroding her normally pleasant disposition.
In desperation she gets up, puts on her coat, grabs her purse and stands right in front of William, blocking his view of the TV. He grunts his displeasure.
"William, if you can't buy us a usable computer, I'm going to the store...."
"You don't know enough about computers to buy one!" he tells her, frowning.
"OK then, I'm going to the Library where they have computers! I'm going to access the Story one way or another!" she marches out of the room, out the door and into her car.
She turns the key and hears a 'click' sound. She does it again and hears the same sick sound. The third attempt is no different. She exits the car, slams the door as loudly as she can and marches back into the house, tossing her large purse into William's lap.
"OW! What was that for? I thought you were off to the library!"
"My car won't start. Seems the technology Gods must be having fun at my expense...."
"Just relax! I'll buy a computer tomorrow...."
"A new one!"
"OK, then, a new one!" he tosses her purse back to her and gets back to his TV viewing.

MEANWHILE:

Sally and Penelope touch down in Sally's house. "Who was that?!" Penny asks her friend.
"You mean that woman? Never saw her before in my life. But she was snooping around that one condo, so I figured it had to be WandaSue who does that kind of thing. We had no way of knowing it was a complete stranger."
"We're going to just leave her there?" Penny frowns. "She'll be mauled by the lions!"
"Snoopers deserve to be punished," Sally reckons.
"But we don't know enough to be judge and jury and have her killed! This isn't right! We should go back and get her!"
Sally shakes her head, "Then she'd know it was us and when she got back here she'd make our lives a living hell. She's tell everyone, too. Do we want everyone to know we have a time travel coin?"
"But Sally, this is murder! Why don't we get her and take her to a safer timeframe and place, how's that for a compromise?"
Sally ponders the suggestion, then gets a gleam in her eye, "We could take her back to a couple hours ago, then she'd have no memory of our kidnapping her and taking her to the Roman Coliseum!"
"Good thinking, Sal! Let's do it!" Penny and Sally tell the coin where to take them and disappear from the room.


LIGHT MY FIRE.....by Terri

Angela Barzini followed as Daniel's Corvette wound down the side streets of Chappaqua. As he pulled into a driveway, she parked by a huge maple tree that cast its shadow on the street. Daniel took the boxes out of his car and after several trips, got them to his front door. He pulled them into his apartment.
She sat there in amazement. He must have had this apartment for a while! I mean, she just kicked him out! This must be his bachelor pad! What a louse!
She lit up and inhaled deeply. Grabbing her cellphone, she punched in a number that was beginning to become familiar to her.

"Hello?"
"Hello, Mrs. Gwinnett! You're all alone, aren't you?"
"Listen, if you want someone to talk to, I can give you the number for the mental health clinic..."
"He's not there. And I know where he is. And who he is meeting."
"I'm hanging up. You need serious help."
CLICK!

Rose stood there with the receiver in her hand and tried to stem the rising panic she was feeling. Could he have left me and taken Julie with him? His precious daughter? She tried to quell these feelings. Who is this person and what is she talking about? Could this be Pat, the woman from Lifestyles? From the looks on the guys' faces, she must have been something else.
Just then, the door opened and John came in with Julie and a couple grocery bags. "Got what you needed, hon."
"Thank you, John. Dinner is ready."
She bent down to take Julie's coat off and said, "What is this?"
"What's what?"
"This." She pointed to Julie's cheek and collar. "It looks like lipstick. And that smell. She smells like...'Vanilla Fields'. John, just where has this child been? And with whom?"
John stood there with a quizzical look on his face. "Oh! That must have been Evelyn Myers. I ran into her at the deli department. She gave Julie a big kiss and hug."
Rose was mollified. Yes, Evelyn WAS known for the heavy hand both in make-up and perfume. I have got to get a grip, she thought.
They sat down to dinner. Rose had the fork halfway to her mouth when Jenna let out a lusty cry. She wanted fed, too.
Rose sighed, picked up the baby and went into the living room to the rocking chair.
John said, "Don't worry, Rose. I'll feed Julie and Will can help."
From the living room, Rose called out, "Just don't teach her to burp!"
John said, "No, Will is teaching her to blow bubbles into her milk with a straw!"
From the living room was heard, "AAARRGGGGHHH!"

Rose fed and burped the baby. She came out to the kitchen and John was stacking the dishes in the dishwasher. Will was washing Julie's face off for her and she was resisting. She grabbed Julie and said, "Come on, Julie--bathtime. Will? You need to take a shower and get to bed early tonight. Don't you have a field trip tomorrow?"
"Yes. Poppy William is driving."
"I thought he was supposed to get a computer for Celeste tomorrow."
"Beats me. He said he'd take me to school."

After the children were bathed and put to bed, Rose straggled downstairs. Jenna was in a crib in her nursery off the master bedroom. Still sleeping.
When Rose went into the living room, John had put the couch cusions on the floor and a blanket. He had an assortment of deli salads and some fried chicken and the wine chilled in a bucket.
Two wine glasses were sitting out. The fire was burning and flickering in the fireplace. He patted the place next to him, took out a penknife and peeled the foil on the wine bottle back.
"Care for a glass?"
"Please! But just a small one."
"I thought we would have a nice romantic evening since I have to leave in the morning."
"What time is your flight?"
"Seven AM. I came home this afternoon and packed. You were out. Didn't take me but a half hour."
"Do you need a ride to the airport?"
"No, Daniel is taking me."
He reached over and rubbed her shoulders and neck.
"Mmmmm! That feels so good!"
He kissed the back of her neck. "That's what I intended to do!"
And Rose pushed thoughts of Pat McMahon and weird phone calls down. Way down.


CLOSE ONE!!..........by Coralynn

Holly is trembling as she's pushed out into the arena of the Roman Coliseum. The lions stand still, sizing her up. Then they begin to advance on her. She knows this is the end, and wonders why. Why and as importantly, how did she end up here.....a couple thousand years ago facing down lions while the blood-thirsty rabble in the stands scream for her to be ripped limb from limb?
As the biggest lion begins to run toward her, she closes her eyes and hopes to die quickly, when she feels herself being grabbed from behind. Thinking it's a prison guard trying to keep her from running from the lion, she opens her mouth to scream, but before the sound can escape her throat she finds herself standing in the parking lot of Camelot Condos, no lions anywhere to be seen.
She whirls around and sees the same two women who were responsible for her ending up in the Coliseum, and asks, "WHY?!"
"Case of mistaken identity!" one tells her before both women disapper into thin air.
As grateful as Holly is to be alive, she is very angry at the two women as can be imagined. She makes her way, still trembling, to the condo she shares with Tiffany, muttering, "she'll never believe it!"

MEANWHILE:

"Damn!" Penelope exclaims, "You didn't take her back two hours, Sally. Now she'll remember what we did, and she got a pretty good look at us so this could mean trouble."
"I didn't have time to tell the coin to go back two hours! Did you see how close that lion was to her? If I'd added 'two hours ago' to my instructions we would have brought her back in pieces, dead as a doornail!"
"Let's hope we don't run into her anywhere again anytime soon then," Penny adds.

MEANWHILE:

Holly enters the condo and falls in a heap on the couch.
Tiffany raises one eyebrow, "Mission aborted, is it Hol? You weren't gone more than five minutes."
"That's all? Seems like an eternity! When I got outside Ms. Young's condo, I was just giving up trying to see anything because obviously she had Salvatore upstairs, when I was grabbed and you'll never guess where I was taken!"
"Pizza hut?" Tiffany quips.
No reply.
"That new barbeque place, the Lions Den?"
"You're getting warmer! Look, Tiff, I swear I wasn't imagining it.......I was at the Roman Coliseum, you know, where the Christians were fed to the lions! I was shoved out into the arena....the lions were almost upon me.....then the two women grabbed me and brought me back again!"
"You're sure you didn't have a nightmare?"
"I wasn't asleep! I was wide awake!"
"What two women, anyway?"
"I never saw them before. I have no idea why they picked on me. When they brought me back here they made some comment about mistaken identity and vanished...poof...just like that!"
"You've been watching too many 'Bewitched' reruns!" Tiffany laughs.
"Tiffany, I swear I'm not making it up!" Holly is obviously distraught, even Tiff can see that, so she stops laughing and starts paying closer attention.
"Would you recognize them if you saw them again?"
"I think so. It's dark outside, so I didn't get a look at them when they first grabbed me, but at the Coliseum the sun was out and I got a good look at them. Yeah, I'd recognize them."
"Well, this is different!" Tiffany's forehead wrinkles, "I wonder who they were after. If they said it was a case of mistaken identity, who on earth do you think they thought they were kidnapping?"
Holly thinks it over, then replies, "It's either Angela Barzini, Ms. Young or.....WandaSue Montgomery."
"You looked pretty wide in that huge coat, Hol. The first two are thin, so my guess is......"
"WandaSue!" they both say at the same time.


JUST ANOTHER MORNING IN PARADISE...by Terri

"Hon? I'm leaving now." John whispered and gave Rose a kiss on the cheek.
She murmured in her sleep and he brushed the hair back from her face. She's exhausted, he thought.
"I'll call you tonight."
"M-hmmmm...."
Outside he heard the beep of Daniel's horn. He picked up his luggage and went out the door.

John threw his luggage in the trunk of Daniel's car.
"Ready to go?"
John looked back at the house and said, "Ready as I'll ever be. It'll be the longest I've been separated from Rose and the kids."
"You'll survive."
"Yeah. Hey, Daniel--kind of keep an eye on things, OK..I mean, just drive by once in a while."
"Sure thing. Starbucks?"
"Starbucks it is."

John boarded the plane and flew to Kansas City with no incidence. He went to the car rental place and as he was standing in line for his reservation, a voice from behind him said, "I don't believe it! I didn't know you were here, John!"
He turned around and looked right into the eyes of Pat McMahon, the pec queen.
"Pat! Whatever are you doing here?"
"Lifestyles sent me to Kansas City to the trade show at the convention center. You are here for the trade show too?"
"Yes--the franchise owners were just about ordered to be here."
"Where are you staying?"
"The Hyatt Regency Crown Center" (I checked it out, looks really ritzy!)
"This IS fortuitous! I'm staying there, too! Lifestyles has rented me a limo. Say, why don't you scrap the idea of a rental car and join me in the limo? It doesn't make sense for you to rent a car just to get to the hotel. So, shall we share?"
John stood there and said, "Why not!"

Rosamond dragged herself out of bed when the baby started to cry. Another day. She looked at the empty spot where John had been and a feeling of sadness came over her. A whole week.
She took care of the baby and then Julie started fussing so she got her. Rose came downstairs holding the baby and helping Julie down the steps. Will was sitting at the table eating his cereal and reading the cereal box.
"Mom? When can we go visit Merovin?"
"Maybe this weekend, Will. I'll see how much energy I have."
"Well, maybe we can make it a mother-son day! After all, Daddy took Julie to the store for some daddy-daughter time. Why can't we do the same?"
"Good point. I'll see."
Will thought for a moment and then said, "I think I ought to tell you what I did."
Rose looked at her son and said cautiously, "OK--but you aren't in trouble at school, are you?"
He shook his head no. "Hell no, Mom!"
"Will! Have you been hanging around Uncle Daniel again? I don't want to hear that coming out of your mouth again. If I find out that Daniel has been using that kind of language around you, I'll...well, never mind!"
Will ignored that and said, "I called Mr. Montgomery the other day."
"You what?"
"I said I called Mr. Montgomery..."
"I heard you. I just didn't believe it. Why on earth did you do that?"
"I wanted to check on Merovin. Mom, he's my horse! I have a right ot know how he is doing. Mr. Montgomery was very nice to me. He said that Merovin was doing great. He said he is learning to respond to the bridle and he is quite a ladies' man with the mares. He's going to be a father."
"Really?"
"Yep--sixteen times over!"
Rose groaned inwardly. "I should say, 'that poor horse' but I guess Billy Bob knows what he is doing. Maybe I need to re-think the terms that we boarded Merovin out with."
Will picked up his cereal bowl and put it in the sink. "Mr. Montgomery told me that his own personal horse is named Merovin, too. He said you would remember him. He told me he was the best horse he had when he was dating you."
"I remember Merovin. He was Mr. Montgomery's pride and joy and...what is he doing talking to you about when he dated me? You don't talk to a kid about his mother 'dating'!"
Will said, "Get real, Mommy! It's not like I don't know you and Mr. Montgomery were married."
The phone rang. Rose answered it cautiously.
"Hello? Hi, Bethia!.....what? WHAT?...oh, that's wonderful! When?...yes, I know him, we saw those Vacation movies on cable....you mean he's really like that? Oh dear!...no, he had a trade show to go to in Kansas City....a week....well, I'll tell him as soon as he calls me....I'm so happy for you I could cry! Now you just need to get him a helmet and tell him to wear it 7/24....huh? OH! 24/7!.....no, I'm just tired....yes, I know you understand....no, I agree, a 'welcome back to the real world' party would be in order...or at least a dinner!....I'll stop over later.....well, give Roger a big kiss and hug for me!....no, I am NOT crying!....OK, bye!"
Rose reached for a kleenex and blew her nose. NO! I am not crying! I am not crying! Like hell I'm not crying!


THE PACKAGE........by Coralynn

Joe Bataglia is looking forward to riding in the big boss' limo, which is the only good thing about being routed out of bed so early in the morning for what was told him was an Important Mission.
When he's handed a box to take the the post office, and instructed to drive the Ford, the old beatup Ford, his enthusiasm evaporates. Then, to make matters worse, he's told to stay at the post office and grab whoever shows up to collect the box.
He parks the Ford in the side parking lot of the place and is the first one inside as the doors are unlocked at 8am. Taking the box with him, he puts it on top of the counter and pays the mailing fee. The single employee looks at it, notices it's local, slaps a 'package pickup' slip into the appropriate mailbox, and goes about his other duties.
Joe has to wait, however, wait and wait for the person who owns the post office box. He reads the skimpy amount of info lying on the shelf on one wall. Pretty boring stuff. He examines the Wanted posters, and again is bored. Should have brought a book, he thinks, I could be here all day! They don't even have magazines lying around for people to read while they wait. HA! Most people aren't in the post office long enough to have that much time on their hands, but here I am trying to look like I'm in here for a reason!
The p.o. employee is glancing at Joe, wondering why he's still in the building, but has more important tasks to perform which takes up most of his attention. Still, why is that guy loitering? Isn't there a law against that?
An old lady enters the building and goes to the counter, asking for a package. How did she know? Joe asks himself, she didn't even look in the box and see the slip. Maybe she's not the one. When the employee hands her a huge box, Joe knows she's the wrong person and is glad he didn't grab her and drag her off. How in hell am I going to do that anyway? he wonders, that employee is going to see whatever I do! I should have listened to my mother and gone into another line of work, maybe selling used cars.
A young man with a powerful build enters and glances in several mail boxes. Oh rats! Joe thinks, It had better not be him. No way could I ever overpower someone built like that. This is insane! I'm going to call Mr. Barzini and ask for backup!
He dials his cellphone and gets the standard answering machine, "This is the residence of Salvatore Barzini. Leave your name and number and if I have nothing better to do, I'll get back with you."
Joe walks outside so he won't over overheard and says loudly, "Boss! I need backup! I think the guy who just came in the post office may be our target, and he's built like a wrestler."
He slips the cellphone into his pocket and sits on the post office steps. What the heck, he thinks, anybody who comes out of there carrying the box will be the one, and if I grab them outside at least that snoopy employee in there won't be a witness.

MEANWHILE:

"Hurry up Holly!" Tiffany gripes as she puts on her coat, "The post office opened twenty minutes ago!"
"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Holly gripes back.
Holly only has mascara on one side, but tosses the wand back into the makeup box, dashing into the living room, grabbing up her coat and leaving right behind Tiffany, who is in a big yank to get their ill-gotten gain, "Who says the box will be there already anyway?"
As they get in Tiffany's car, she explains, "I know how their minds work. They may be crooks, but they're efficient crooks. Sal Barzini doesn't want is wife to know he's fooling around with Ms. Young, so he'll act with lightning speed to make sure she doesn't find out!"
"I sure hope so! Getting up two hours early will make me tired for the rest of the day. Besides, what I went through last night was so scary I'm afraid to go outside the condo for fear those crazy women will grab me again."
"They said it was mistaken identity," Tiffany reminds her as the drive toward the post office, "Don't worry!"
There are three other cars in the parking lot as they find a space and park, get out and walk toward the p.o. entrance. They have to step over to the right hand side of the stairs leading up to the p.o. because there's a guy sitting right in the middle of said steps. Tiffany looks at him and says, "Rude!" then walks on.
Joe looks up and glowers. Where is my backup? he asks himself, Doesn't the Boss check his answering machine? He dials up the number again, and says into the machine, "This is Joe at the post office. Send me backup, this is an emergency! The big bruiser who went in there hasn't come out yet and if he's the guy I'm not going to be able to take him by myself!" he clicks off and continues to watch the few cars that are coming down the street, hoping one of them contains his backup guys.
Tif and Hol look into their p.o. box and see a slip. Tiffany opens the box and sees it is indeed a notice that a package has arrived for them. She gets in line behind some young fellow who has shoulders out to there and waits. He is given his package, then she requests hers, sliding the notification across the desk at the employee. He looks at the box number, then at a package, sees that the numbers aren't the same, but close enough, and hands it to her. She signals for Holly and they walk out of the place, noticing the guy who was sitting on the stairs is now standing up, looking at the man with the shoulders get into his car and start it.
They get into Tiffany's car and lock the doors. "Open it!" she tells Holly, who rips and tears at it vigorously. It resists her assault, so she reaches in the glove compartment for some scissors and attacks it with those.
As the top is successfully ripped open, she sees a tin, similar to a fruitcake tin. She quickly opens it and........"A fruitcake!" is all she can say, dumbfounded.
"A fruitcake?! What's the return address?"
Holly looks closely and reads, "Mrs. Charles Seymour, 248 Pine Avenue, Eugene, Oregon!"
"Oregon? A fruitcake?"
"Yeah, and there's a note in here, too, which says "I know how much you love my homemade fruitcake, son, so enjoy! Love, Mother."
"That's not our package!" Tiffany slows the car and does a U-ee, heading back to the post office. They park in the same spot in the parking lot and, opened package in hand, proceed back into the place.
"You gave us the wrong package!" she tells the employee, who isn't surprised to see them again, but too embarrased to admit his mistake.
"Sorry, Miss, but that's your package!" he insists.
"This one says Box 33! Ours is Box 38!"
"You want this returned to sender?" he asks as if this were standard procedure.
"Hell no!" Tiffany grabs the box and the two women leave.
"Someone else got our box!" she says between clenched teeth as they leave once more, noticing the stairs-sitter guy about half a block away, looking lost and confused.

Joe Bataglia is steaming. The big strong guy got the box and now he's driven off and I had no chance to stop him! Damn!
He sees his associate, Tony, pull into the p.o. parking lot, park and get out. He runs over to him and yells in his face, "Well! You're a little too little and a lot too late!" which the other man doesn't understand, but oh well, whatever, he gets back in his car and drives away.

Charles Seymour Jr. pulls into his driveway and carries in what he's sure is his mother's yearly homage to his love of fruitcake, which has been sent him on his birthday every year without fail since he moved east twelve years ago. He enters the house and calls out, "Judy! It's Mom's fruitcake!"
Judy rushes into the kitchen where Charles is opening the box and gasps when she sees nothing inside but what appears to be shredded newspaper. "Is she getting senile?" she asks as gently as she can, knowing how close Charles is to his mother, "she seemed just fine when we were there last July!"
Charles examines the address on the box more closely, "This is addressed to box 38! That p.o. employee gave me the wrong box! I'd better drive back there!"
Judy is relieved. She loves her mother in law, and is glad the woman isn't suffering from dementia. Her mouth begins to water at the thought of the run-soaked cake the Charles will return with......soon.

MEANWHILE:

"Where are YOU off to, William?" Celeste asks as she sees William leaving with little Will.
"I'm chaperoning a class field trip, you knew that!" he tells her, wondering what is the matter with her?!
"OK, OK, but I'm going out and buying a computer today!" she threatens.
"I'll do it when I get back this afternoon. Cool it, Celeste!" he tosses over his shoulder as he and the boy leave the house.
She goes to the window, watches them get into William's car and slowly back out. "You had just better!" she says to no one in particular.


____________......by Terri

Pat McMahon slid over the leather seat in the back of the limo. John followed. She stretched her legs, wearing her short skirt and sling-back shoes.
"Oooh! This is ever so nice! I was afraid I wouldn't know a single soul here at the trade show. Now I will have someone to hang around with!"
John hesitated and then said, "Uh..yes."
She squeezed his arm. "I think this is going to be fun!"
John unconsciously twisted his wedding band. "Yeah. Fun."

The limo pulled up in front of the Hyatt Regency. John looked up at the glass structures and the spacious lobby.
"Wow! This is really neat!"
"And it's our home away from home for the next week, John!"
He went up to the front desk, gave his credit card and got the key card to his room. "I'll see you, Pat. Thanks for the lift!"
As he disappeared into the elevator, Pat leaned over to the front desk clerk. "HI! I wonder...is the room next to Mr. Gwinnett's available?"
She slid a twenty-dollar bill across the desk. The desk clerk casually pocketed it and said, "Why, yes, I believe it is! Manuel! Room 1206 for Miss McMahon."
Pat flashed a smile. "Thanks! You don't know how much it means to me!"

John kicked off his shoes and laid down on the bed. May as well take a nap. But first I need to call Rose.
RING!
"Hello?"
"Hi, darling! Just calling to tell you I got here in one piece and that I miss you already."
Rose breathed a sigh of relief. He called!
"I miss you, too. Why didn't you get me up before you left? I could have at least made you a cup of coffee."
"I know you were up a few times with Jenna and you were sleeping so soundly, I didn't have the heart to wake you."
Just then there was a knock at the door. John cradled the receiver on his shoulder as he opened the door. Pat McMahon stood there with a fake-surprise look on her face. "OH I thought this was Becky Burnham's room! Why, John! This day is full of surprises!"
Rose said sharply, "Who is that, John?"
John thought quickly, "Nothing. It's just the TV. You know--the local newscasters."
Pat came into the room and sat on the bed.
"Uh, Rose, I have to go. I'm going to the afternoon seminar and I'll call you tonight."
"Ok, John. I----"
CLICK!
"----love you."
Rose stood there with the receiver in her hand and wondered just what happened.

John looked uncomfortable with Pat sitting on his bed. She sat there and dangled a shoe off the end of her foot, swinging her leg.
"So you are going to the afternoon seminar, too. I'll save you a seat."
John said, "Allright. I think I'm going to unwind before I go, though."
Pat sat there and smiled. John stood there. She said, "OH! I'd better leave! Why don't you stop by about 1:00 PM. I'm next door in Room 1206--hey! Look here! We have adjoining rooms! This door must have been put here to open it up and make one large suite! How about that!"
John said, "Yeah. How about that!"
When Pat left, John made sure his side of the door was locked. He laid down on the bed, scrunched up the pillow and before too long, he was in cat-nap-ville.

Rosamond dialed a number that was at one time very familiar to her.
"Montgomery here."
Rose said, "Hey, Montgomery! Rosamond here. I was just calling to see if I can take Will out to see Merovin tomorrow. He's been missing him and his restrictions will be up then. I underststand he called you."
"Yep. The horse is fine."
"Yeah, I'll just bet. Are you wearing him out?"
"No, he's getting his exercise like all the rest. A little training, a little saddle-breaking.."
"That's not what I meant and you know it!"
"Oh. That! Well, I expect to have quite a bumper crop of colts middle of August.
Gestation is almost a year, you know."
"I'm going to take some time and spend it with Will Saturday. He's been kind of neglected with the baby and Julie consuming most of my time. And John is in Kansas City for a conference and trade show."
"Come on out. You're welcome any time. The horses are getting a little frisky due to the colder temperatures."
"I'll be out about 10:00."
"I'll see you then."
"Billy Bob?"
"Yeah?"
"Have you ever heard of the New Cow Theory?"
"Huh?"
"Never mind. I'll explain when I see you!"
CLICK!


CONFUSED? You won't be after this week's episode of..............by Coralynn

Joe enters Salvatore Barzini's office crestfallen and embarrassed.
Sal looks up from the paperwork he has on his desk and growls, "So, Joe, where did you stash the person who came after the box of money, I mean the box of shredded newspaper? I sent Tony in as reinforcement. So, what happened, and you'd better make it good, because I have no time for failures in this organization."
Joe summons up all his courage, swallows hard, and begins, "Tony took his sweet old time getting there, boss, and by the time he did it was too late."
Sal raises one eyebrow, "Too late?"
"Yeah. By then this big bruiser had taken off with the box."
Sal's face is turning red by now, "OK, so you blew it, is that what I'm hearing?"
Joe says nothing because no matter how he responds he knows the boss will give him a tongue lashing.
Sal taps his pen against his desktop and after a few second of deliberation tells Joe, "This guy is going to be very upset about getting shredded newspaper, ya know that, don't you? YOU were supposed to nab him before he got a chance to open the box, in fact, before he even had time to get ten feet out of the post office. So now we have a guy who's probably going to up the anty, and it's all your fault."
Joe uses a meek voice, "I told you I was no good at this kind of thing, boss," and waits for the explosion.
"No good!? That's the best description I've heard of you in the year you've been working here! Look, you either get this guy or you're out of the family, which means out somewhere in the countryside lying under a big stone with nothing inscribed on it!"
"You mean I'm not off the case?" Joe's voice shows his disappointment.
"Right! Now wait for me to connect with this guy again. You know he's going to send us another threat, and then you GET him this time, you conprende?"
"Yeah." Joe turns and leaves the room feeling his life is over.

MEANWHILE:

Tiffany stares at the box containing the fruitcake, "Holly, we've gotta get hold of the guy this fruitcase was supposed to go to, ya know? Box 33, that guy. We could go back to the post office and leave a not in his p.o. box telling him we'll make an exchange."
Holly looks skeptical, "You really think he loves his Mom's fruitcake enough to exchange a box with a quarter million big ones in it to get it back? Hell, Tiff, he could fly to where was it she lived....Oregon was it?......and watch while she made a new one for him, with all the loot he has!"
"We have to try, though," Tiffany sticks to her guns, "You don't have to go, I'll do it myself."
She dons her coat and leaves the condo and is soon at the post office once again.
By now there are two people behind the counter. She walks up and talks to the same man who was there earlier and hands him a note. "This is for Box 33," she tells him.
"You have to put postage on it, this isn't junior high and you aren't passing notes in class!" he tells her in a nasty tone.
"Alright!" she digs in her purse for a stamp while the people now lined up behind her make impatient noises.
"I have one in here somewhere,,,,"
"Just buy the freakin' stamp, will ya?" the man growls.
She shoves a dollar at him and stomps off, leaves the place, gets in her car and drives back to her condo.
Holly is looking out the window when Tiff comes through the door.
"You left the guy a note? What did you say?"
"I told him we got each other's packages and to meet us later in the park," Tiffany hangs up her coat as Holly laughs derisively, "That's going to be a long wait, Tiff! Better take a long book with you, because he won't show. Why would anyone give up $250,000 for a fruitcake?"
"Maybe the guy is ethical," Tiff speculates.
"He'd have to be the most honest person in the history of the world!" Holly shoots back, picks up her romance novel, turns on some music and zones out.


____________......by Terri

John woke up with a start and looked at the clock. Holy smokes, it's 12:30! Didn't I tell Pat McMahon I would pick her up in her room at 1:00? He listened at the door to the adjoining room. The TV sounded a little louder than it had. I suppose she opened the door.
He went into the bathroom and took a quick shower. By 12:55 he was ready to go downstairs to the trade show. He sighed. How do I get myself into these things? All becauseI shared a limo ride with her. I should have known. Paybacks are deadly.
He knocked on the door and Pat opened it. She had on a bright green sweater and a long leather skirt and boots.
"Right on time!" she said. "Come in!"
John went inside but stayed just inside the door. He glanced over and sure enough, the adjoining door was open. If John had opened up his, it would have been a two-bedroom suite. Note to himself: Under no circumstances leave that door open!
"Would you care for a drink, John?"
"No thank you."
"Have you had lunch?"
John shook his head no.
"Me either. Let's grab something at the trade show. There are plenty of booths. And Lifestyles has put me on a very generous expense account."
Just then, John's cellphone rang.
"Hello?....hi, honey.....what?...well, is she OK?...no, I agree. You should take her to the doctor....she really shouldn't be playing around those cupboard doors....No, I am NOT blaming you....let me talk to her...yes, I hear her crying...Julie? Honey? Fingers hurt?....oh, baby! I'm sorry!......mommy will fix it.....oh, sweetie, I'll kiss it for you on the phone....*smack*...ok, princess.....hello? Rose?....really?..when did that happen?....huh? You mean that guy in the Vacation movies?....no, just run over there. It will save you a trip to the doctor's.....yes, I know Roger is an OB/GYN...it's not like she needs a Pap test on her fingers....no, I am NOT trying to be a smart...Rose, calm down!...if it is broken, Roger can tell....OK..kiss her again for me....OK....Call me as soon as you know...Right!"
CLICK!
Pat said, "Trouble on the home front?"
John said, "Just a little mishap between an 18 month old and some cupboard doors. You have any kids, Pat?"
Pat shook her head no. "My ex-husband didn't want any. But that's not why we broke up."
John said, "Well, I have three and there is always something happening."
Pat took John's arm and said, "Well, shall we go? The world of hydraulic machines await us!"

Rose hung up the phone and took Julie in her arms. "OK, sweetheart! We are going over to see Uncle Roger and have him take a look at your hand."
Julie was sobbing. Rose called Celeste and she came over to watch the baby while Rose carried Julie over to Beth and Roger's house. She knocked on the door and Beth answered.
"Rose! Come in and---Julie! Honey, what's wrong?"
Rose said, "She slammed her fingers in the cupboard door and could Roger please look at them to make sure they aren't broken?"
Julie had tears rolling down her little face. "Da-da!"
Rose was flustered. "Honey, Daddy is out of town. Let Uncle Roger take a look."
Roger came into the room and said, "Hi, Rose! What is the problem?"
Rose explained about the fingers and the cupboard. Roger looked at them, wiggled them around and said, "No, they are OK. But she will have a bruised finger. She'll be OK. Won't you, sweetheart?"
Julie stood there and sniffled. Rose said, "Roger, thanks so much. If John were here, he'd thank you too!"
"Where IS John, by the way? I got a clean bill of health from the doctors and I am raring to play racquetball."
Rose sat down a minute. Beth came out with some tea and Rose gratefully accepted the cup. Julie crawled up on her lap and started to fall asleep from the stress of crying.
"John had to go to a trade show and conference in Kansas City. He'll be gone a week."
"By himself?"
Rose sat there and bit her lip. "I certainly hope so, Roger. For both our sakes."


DESPERATELY SEEKING CHARLES......by Coralynn

Tiff and Holly are getting cold sitting on the park bench, Tiffany glancing at her watch every few minutes.
"You told him 1 o'clock, right? What time is it now?" Holly asks.
"It's one-thirty! He must not be...."
A tall, muscular man in a jogging outfit is seen coming their way. Holly grabs Tiffany's wrist and whispers, "That's him!"
Before Tiff has the chance to reply, Holly is off, and as the man gets close, falls into step beside him. "Is your name Charles?" she asks eagerly, hoping it is because this guy is hot!
"No, it's Bob!" he replies as he puts on a burst of speed and is soon almost out of sight.
Holly returns to the park bench, "Not him! And he was so cute!"
"Of course it wasn't him. That guy wasn't carrying a package!" Tiffany scoffs.
Holly starts to snigger over the double intendre but is not joined by Tiffany, who stands and announces, "We'd better get back to the condo."
"Why?"
"Because, for one thing, people rarely go to the post office more than once a day, so Charles hasn't gotten the message we put in this p.o. box. Maybe he's in the phone directory, though. If he is, we can go to his house."
"Why didn't I think of that?" Holly exclaims as she accompanies her friend to the car. "I hope our Charles guy is as hunky as that jogger guy!"
"Don't count on it!" Tiffany replies as they drive back to the Condo.

MEANWHILE:

Charles gets off the phone and shakes his head, "The guy there said there was no mistake when I told him about the mixup. I hate to have to phone Mom and tell her she has to send out another one. I know how long it takes her to make them from scratch."
"And my mouth is watering thinking of her rum-soaked fruitcake!" Judy exaggerates. In truth she dislikes his mother's yearly offering, but in the Seymour family this fruitcake is something of a legend. Recipe passed down through ten generations and all that.

MEANWHILE:

"That was embarrasing!" Penelope tosses her coat toward the rack but misses.
"We are still going to kidnap WandaSue, though, aren't we?" Sally hates to give up the idea, as it affords her another chance to use her time travel coin.
"Sure! But let's stick with nabbing her right before she's installed as mayor," Penny decides aloud, "that'll make more of a headline. I can see it now.....'New mayor skips town!' all over the newspapers. They'll wonder why. Then they'll wait a week, a month, 6 months, a year, and give up hope. All the while she'll be stashed in another timeframe."
"How can she do us any good if she's stashed like that, though?" Sally asks.
"We may relent if she promises to do us favors, huge favors...."
Sally can't think of any favors the mayor the town might give them, but, wanting so much to use her time travel coin again, stifles the urge to bring that up. What the heck, we can play it by ear! she thinks and grins.

MEANWHILE:

Eleanor sees her old computer sitting on the floor by the desk upon which it usually sits and frowns.
"William!" she yells out.
No answer.
"William!" she yells louder, which brings Celeste into her room. "Eleanor, William is on a field trip with little Will and his class at school."
"When does he get back? I want a computer and I want it fast!" Eleanor is not mollified.
"Well, school gets out at 3, so he and little Will should be getting back not long after that. I've threatened him with everything but execution if he doesn't get those computers today before the stores close, so I think he'll do better than he did yesterday with his cockamamie 'refurbished' ones!"
"He sure is a cheap bas...." Eleanor almost says it, then laughs. Celeste joins in and soon they're doubled over with laughter, "I....don't....think...........anyone's called him.........that..........since we got out of the middle ages!" Eleanor finally finishes her sentence amid bouts of hilarity.


GHOSTS OF THE PAST....by Terri

"Come on, John, you have to eat sometime!" Pat tried to coax John.
"No, really, I am OK." Actually John was starving but he didn't want to give Pat the wrong idea. Like they were a twosome.
Pat said, "Well, I want something. Wait right here, I'll be right back."
In a few minutes, she came back with two gyro sandwiches, a large order of fries and two Pepsis.
"I can't possibly eat all this!" she said.
John remarked, "Why did you order it, then?....Oh, I get it! You thought I was too much of a chauvinist to let you buy lunch!"
Pat's eyes widened. "Am I that transparent?"
John laughed and took one of the gyros. "Yes, you are. And alright, I'll help a damsel in distress."
Pat looked him in the eyes and saiddd, "I'd like that."
"What?"
"If you'll help this damsel out of dis-dress."
John turned red and walked over to one of the tables set up at the food court. Pat followed him. She looked around and said, "DAMN!"
John said, "What?"
"That's my ex-husband over there. Gunther Thorsen."
John looked over and saw a good-looking guy with blond hair. Something familiar about him...
"What does he do for a living?"
"He used to be a tennis pro and gave lots of lessons. Some of them were even tennis."
Suddenly it clicked in his mind. Gunther. The Seven Oaks Country Club. Rosamond and her tennis lessons. (Story 4). Was it really that long ago?
Pat took a bite of her gyro. "What a piece of work HE was!"
"When were you married to him?"
She looked up at the ceiling, like the answer was written there."Ohh,....about three or four years ago."
"Married long?"
"Long enough. About four years. Until I found that he had a terminal disease."
"How awful! But he's still alive..."
"Yeah. You can't die from being a lech."
"Yeah, I can see why you would end it.."
"Oh, but I got even! I figure what is good for the goose is good for the gander. So..I had myself a fling!"
John was beginning to wish he had stayed in Chappaqua. He said, "Oh..really."
Pat helped herself to a few fries and dipped them in ketchup.
"Yep! Sure did! He owns a huge horse-breeding ranch in Beacon Falls. He ended it when he--and I quote--'fell like a ton of bricks'---for some little English tart! Whoa! Are you OK?"
She patted John on the back. "Y-yeah! Just found something a little hard to swallow!"
He took a sip of his Pepsi and asked casually, "Did you ever see her?"
"No. Heard it ended quite messy for him, though. He disappeared for a while. I heard she fooled around on him. So I guess what goes around, comes around."


THE BOX..........by Coralynn

Judy Seymour has just finished cleaning up the kitchen when she sees a car pull into the driveway. As it's not a car she recognizes, she calls out to her husband, "Charles! Are you expecting anyone?"
He emerges from the den, where his home office is located, and peers out the window, "No. Wonder who they are?" he says as two young women get out of the car and walk to the front porch.
The doorbell ringing puts to rest any idea either of them may have had that these women parked in their driveway by mistake.
Judy opens the door and waits for the women to tell her why they've come to the house. They could always be traveling religionists and if so, she can dispatch them very quickly.
"This is the home of Charles Seymour, is that right?" the taller of the two women asks.
"Yes," Judy replies, hoping these women do not bear bad news, the worst being that Charles is having an affair and they've come to confront her with the information.
"May we come in?" the other woman asks.
Considering they don't look dangerous, plus the fact that Charles is home, gives Judy the confidence to open the door. The women enter.
"I'm Tiffany, and this is Holly," the taller woman explains, "I think we got your package at the post office this morning," she holds out the package containing the fruitcake, "The guy working there mistook box 33 for box 38 and vice versa."
Judy recognizes the box as the one from Charles' mother and reaches for it, calling out, "Charles! Your Mom's fruitcake is here!"
He enters the living room smiling. "How considerate of you to bring it over!" he exclaims.
"Uhhhhh, do you have our package?" Tiffany asks, hoping they haven't already spent the quarter of a million dollars.
"Sure!" Charles goes into the kitchen and returns carrying a box about the same size as the one in which the fruitcake was mailed. He hands it to Tiffany, who notices the top of the box has been Scotch-taped shut. Because she doesn't want to leave before she finds out whether it still contains the money, she forces it open only to find shredded newspaper within.
She looks at Charles suspiciously, "Shredded newspaper? It came this way? This is what it contained when you first got it from the post office?"
"Right," Charles looks her right in the eye without flinching. Tiffany has to admit that if he took the money and replaced it with this newspaper stuff he's doing a masterful job of acting.
Holly is aghast, "Where's the money?!" she blurts out, looking at Charles as though he had just robbed a bank.
Judy replies, "This is the way we got it. There was supposed to be money in it?"
"Right," Tiffany takes over, "Our great uncle Jeb just passed on, may he rest in peace, and, not having any faith in banks because of the stock market crash of 1929, always kept his money in his mattress. This was our inheritance from him. I know it's risky to send cash through the postal system, but great uncle Jeb was stubborn and insisted his estate be sent this way...."
"My God!" Judy sympathizes, "And someone handling his estate took off with the money and sent you shredded newspaper? That's terrible! Is there nothing you can do about it?"
Tiffany shakes her head, "How can we prove that? His granddaughter, Belle, is handling his estate, and she's scrupulously honest. Someone working for the post office must have done it."
"Oh my, how sad," Judy says, "I don't suppose you'll be able to prove that either, right?"
"Right!" Holly replies, with a stern look, not being as convinced as Tiffany seems to be that these people are innocent of the supposed crime.
"Would you like to stay for coffee? I can put on a pot...." Judy offers as there seems to be nothing more to say, and she'd like to get back to her cleaning instead of standing in the living room with these two strangers mulling over their misfortune.
"We have to go," Tiffany states as she and Holly walk to the front door carrying the box of shreddings.
They exchange 'Goodbyes' after which Tiffany and Holly get back in the car and as Tiffany turns the key, Holly exclaims, "They know more than they're letting on, Tif! I know.....did you see the beady little eyes on that Charles guy?"
"You're just disappointed he wasn't the hunk you saw in the park," Tiffany tells her, "plus he's married. Of course he is! Hard to find a hot guy who isn't."
"Except you! You found that Billy Bob guy...."
"His name is BILL."
"OK, you found that 'Bill' guy and tomorrow night you have a date with him."
"Yes indeed," Tiffany's mood rises, "let the games begin!"


REMINISCES.....by Terri

Gunther Thorsen wandered over to where Pat and John were eating lunch. He flipped his hair back and said, "Well, Pat! How are you doing?"
Pat said cooly, "Hello, Gunther. How's tricks? And I'm sure that is the right word I am looking for!"
Gunther rocked back on his heels. "Oh....I've been hired by Atlas Gym over in Pleasantville. I'm a personal trainer!" He said it with pride.
Pat said, "Well, now, isn't that a co-incidence! John here..."
"He's a trainer, right?"
"No, he owns the Body Shop over in Chappaqua."
That took the wind out of Gunther's sails. John kept wishing he were anywhere but there. How can I disconnect myself from Pat McMahon and her steroid-infested ex-husband? I don't want to get in the middle of a post-marital feud. He wouldn't possibly remember that I decked him when he was coming on to Rosamond, would he?
Gunther turned to John and said, "Do I know you?"
Pat said, "You probably have seen him on magazine covers. He's an actor. He's John Gwinnett from As the Planet Turns!"
John almost said, 'Hey, stop talking about me in the third person when I am here in the first' but he refrained. He was just hoping it would all go away.
Gunther said, "No..I know you from somewhere. Did I ever give your wife tennis lessons?"
John could honestly say, "No, you didn't." Because Rose was not his wife at the time.
Just then John's cellphone rang.
"Hello?..hi, honey! How's Julie's fingers?....oh, good....just put some ice on them...glad to hear he's doing OK....yes, racquetball next week sounds fine...William took him? THAT must have been a pretty wild scene....no, William in a museum with dinosaurs....I can't even begin to imagine it!....baby is fine?...Damn, I miss you..."
Gunther turned to Pat and said, "Real swinger you got there, Pat. The wedding band is on so tight I can see it's cutting the circulation off."
Pat stuck her tongue out at Gunther. "Alot YOU know! And what you don't would fill a book!"
"...OK. Kiss the kids for me....no, I'll call you tonight, Rosamond..OK....bye!"
Gunther stood there for a moment and frowned deep in thought. Suddenly he snapped his fingers.
"I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! I was giving a tennis lesson to some blonde about yay-high with big..."
"Watch it, Gunther!" Pat said.
"...aspirations of being a tennis player. She was pretty good. Name tipped me off. Rosamond. English, right?"
John nodded silently.
Gunther continued. "Yeah. I bought her several Long Island Iced Teas. She wanted to take a shower in my room before she left. And you came by and--hey, you DECKED me!"
John unconsciously balled his fist up.
Gunther burst out laughing. "Yeah! You suckerpunched me and then you racked me! Man, I saw stars! Well, I'll be! You married that little dolly! I could tell back then that you were crazy about her. Congratulations!"
John relaxed. Gunther continued, "So...how long you been married?"
"A little over a year."
"Sounds like you got a kid."
"Three, actually."
"THREE? Wow! You must have had triplets!"
He stuck out his hand and said, "Hey, let's let by-gones be by-gones."
John shook his hand. Gunther pressed a card into his hand.
"If you ever need another trainer, give me a call. We can parlay. Nothing is carved in stone and I am damn good!"
Pat said under her breath, "Yeah. We know."
Gunther turned to Pat and said, "Heard you didn't last with that horse-breeder. Dumped you right on your.."
"Did not! It--it was mutual!"
Gunther said, "Right. I heard when he dropped you, you told him you were going back to your husband and moving to Ottumwa Iowa."
Pat sat there, her face turning red. "Why don't you go bench-press something and impress someone, Gunther?"
Gunther smiled at John and Pat and said, "John? Nice to see you again. Pat? A pleasure as always!"
He sauntered off and Pat said, "Schmuck!" under her breath.
John stood up and said, "Well, I think I'll be going back to my room."
Pat scrambled to her feet. "Oh, let's have dinner tonight! I saw the neatest little restaurant with red-checkered tablecloths and candles stuck in wine bottles. Supposed to have really good veal marsala."
John said, "I'm ordering room service and then getting to bed early. See you around, Pat."
He headed back to his room and Pat said, "Yeah. I'll see you later."
Damn! Damn! Double damn!


PRANKSTERS ON THE LOOSE....by Terry

Eleanor stopped by Rose's house. "I think you need a break. Why don't we go shopping? I need a new coat and you need to get out of the house."
"Do you think Celeste would mind watching the kids?"
"No, I already asked her so let's drop them off. Come on, I won't take 'no' for an answer."
Rose hesitated for about 20 seconds and said, "Give me a half hour to get the baby nursed and then we can go!"

"Oooh, Rose! Look at this coat! It's cashmere! And it fits like a glove!"
Rose looked at the dark green coat. "Perfect color for you, too!"
She searched the racks. "I like this one!" It was a suede jacket.
Eleanor said, "Yes, but look at the price tag! I mean..it's a 1000.00, Rose!"
She tried it on and it fit beautifully. "John owes it to me. I mean, I gave birth in New Jersey! But I'll call him."
"Rose, you never called him before on this stuff. What is going on?"
"OK--so it gives me an excuse to call him. I miss him and he's only been gone since this morning! And I am sure there will be lots of women there. Just dying to get their hands on my husband! I didn't tell you but the sales rep for Lifestyles took him to lunch at Firenza Gardens. And he had been promising me he'd take ME there."
Eleanor said, "OK--call him by all means. But I have an idea! After we are done shopping, why don't you go back to the house with me. That way you can nurse Jenna and why not let Celeste keep the kids over night and you and I can go to Firenza Gardens for dinner. Jerry is at a two day on-going education for real estate. He went with Hotspur up to Albany. Oh, heck! Why not just stay overnight in your room? That way you wouldn't have to stay home all by yourself."
Rose thought for a few minutes. "That sounds perfect!"

RING!
"Hello?"
"Hi, Darling--it's me. Are you at the trade show?"
"Yeah, but it's boring. I've seen more benchpresses than I care to in my lifetime!"
"I'm shopping with Eleanor and I saw a beautiful suede jacket. I think I am going to buy it. It's a thousand dollars but it is gorgeous. In a turquoise blue."
"Sure, honey. If that is what makes you happy, go right ahead."
"Oh! And I've been thinking...I talked to Murph and he said for another 20,000.00 we can enlarge the stables to accomodate six horses. Jerry said the zoning is going to be changed and will allow for it."
"Do you really want six horses?"
"Why not? Billy Bob has put Merovin out to stud and I think every mare in his barn is with bairn--or colt--or is it foal? I'm taking Will over there tomorrow. I know, you don't like the idea of me seeing my ex-husband. But Will wants to see his horse. Billy Bob probably won't be there anyways."
"Darn right I don't want you seeing your ex-husband!"
"But--you knew what the arrangements were when we kept the horse!"
"Yeah, but I didn't know you were going to use it as an excuse to see your ex!"
"But--this isn't like you!"
"Well, it is now! I don't want my wife ho-doggin' around with him!"
" 'HO-DOGGIN'?' Just what do you take me for?!"
"Hey, I just call 'em like I see 'em!"
"And what about the Firenza Gardens! Don't think I have forgotten THAT!"
"Well..."
"And I suppose that Pat person is at the trade show, isn't she?"
"As a matter of fact..."
"THIS IS GOING TO COST YOU BIG-TIME! LIKE MAYBE I WILL HAVE A BACHELOR'S APARTMENT BUILT ON TOP OF THE STABLE AND YOU CAN LIVE OVER THERE! Or maybe I should just bed you down with the horses!"
CLICK!

At the trade show, he turned to a few of his fellow conventioneers.
"Oooh-wee! Was she ever mad!"
They all burst out laughing.
Then he said, "Who's phone is this, anyways?"
"I don't know...but I'd take it to lost and found! But first wipe your fingerprints off!"
They all laughed and slapped each other on the back as they headed for lost and found.

John kicked off his shoes and ordered room service. He reached in his back pocket to empty them and found his cellphone missing.
Damn! I must have left it on the table when I was eating lunch with Pat and her ex-husband came over. He called the convention center and asked for lost and found.
"Yes, Mr. Gwinnett! A Sonycellphone was just turned in.....yes, it shows that number when I turn it on...no, no problem. I'll have the front desk send it up....oh, we get this all the time!....no harm done!"


Rosamond snapped her cellphone shut and turned to Eleanor.
She said brightly, "I think the Firenza Gardens would be perfect for dinner. I just may indulge and have a glass of wine, too!"
Eleanor stood there, stupified. "But--but, Rose! You and John just had a screaming match--in the middle of Neiman-Marcus, I might add-- and you hung up on him! With him being out of town!"
Rose looked at her phone and said, "Oh, THAT? That wasn't John!"
"It wasn't? Then--what?...who?...who?"
Rose laughed. "You sound like an owl, Eleanor! No, that was some hick from Texas trying to pretend to be John!"
Eleanor looked wordlessly at Rose. She finally said, "Texas? How did you know?"
"Oh, El! Have you forgotten I listened to a Texas accent for over a year? Let us not forget Billy Bob!"
Rose continued, "See, it's like this. John has a very bad habit of leaving his cellphone behind. Once or twice someone has picked it up. I just wanted to see how far Texas would take it. Pretty convincing, wasn't I?"
Eleanor gave a sigh of relief. "You sure had me fooled!"
Rose took out her credit card and said to the saleswoman, "I'll take the suede jacket. On my husband's Visa."
Then she turned to Eleanor and said, "By now Texas and his friends are sitting around laughing and whooping about how they got some dude in the doghouse with his wife. And who am I to rain on their little bar-be-que? Let them think they got away with something."
"Still going to get the jacket, huh?"
"Oh yes! I'm still mad about the Firenza Gardens thing. But I think in about five minutes--when she hands me the package--I'll be mollified a bit...Thank you, ma'am!"
Rose took her package.
"It's like this, Eleanor...most men are little boys. If I had said, 'you're not my husband!' then they would have no fun, I would not have had MY private fun, and they would have laid down the phone and walked away. This way, I got some anger out of my system without laying into John directly, THEY had some practical joke fun --which they don't know the tables were turned on THEM so I had some practical joke fun--they turn John's phone into the lost and found, he gets it back and everyone is happy!"
Eleanor said, "How did an empty-headed little goose like you get so savvy?"
She linked her arm through Eleanor's and said, "Life, my dear friend. Life! Now...let's get home before I leak all over my blouse!"


IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED............by Coralynn

"You found Sal Barzini's address?!" Holly is astounded.
"Yes! Here it is..........see, on this people-finder website!" Tiff points to the address which is on the computer screen clear as a bell, "I'm shocked, too! You'd think a mob boss would hide his residence better than that!" she copies it down on a slip of paper and slides it into her purse, "Ready to roll?"
"You're serious about going over there with another blackmail note?" Holly didn't think Tiffany meant what she said about hand delivering the next one.
"Yes! If you don't want to go, fine, but I'm getting this show on the road! Shredded newspapers! What an insult! did he think he'd get away with that?" she puts on her coat and grabs her purse off the end table.
"You're not going to go up to the door and ring the bell, are you?" Holly asks nervously.
"Of course not! In fact, the more I think of it, the more I think we need somebody else to do that.......now who do we know....."
"If you get someone else to do it, he or she could rat on us......" Holly speculates.
"True. Hmmm, scrap that idea. Looks like it's me or nobody. I could slide it under the door...."
"I KNOW!" Holly jumps up from the couch, "Put it in a plactic baggie along with several rocks and hurl it through the window! I've seen that done on some TV shows!"
"But would that give me time to get away?"
"Sure!"
"What if they have cameras installed all over the outside of their house?" They mull over that possibility.
"Then wear a disguise!" Holly suggests.
"Won't do me any good if they nab me......but yeah, if they rely on security cameras it would make identifying me harder. Now where did we put that Halloween stuff? I could wear the Richard Nixon mask!"
"Yeah! And wear a whole bunch of coats so you don't look like a woman, and big boots........."
They go in search of the box of Halloween costumes, which, when found, is upended on the living room floor. Tiffany finds the Nixon mask and a few other items that disguise the wearer and looks at herself in the full length mirror. "That oughta do it!" she announces.
"Uhhhh, Tiff, you'd better not drive over there in that mask. Hard to see."
"Right. I'll put it on at the last minute. I'll also park down the street a ways so if their cameras are on they won't be able to i.d. my car..."
Tiffany walks to the door, mask in hand, and, taking a deep breath, goes outside, note in baggie with stones, mask and all.

MEANWHILE:

Celeste answers the phone with one hand while stirring the chili pot with the other, "Yes?"
"Celeste," the familiar voice comes over the phone, "This is William. Will and I will be a bit late, so don't hold dinner for us. Seems one of the children became too curious about one of the dinosaurs and yanked a few bones, which brought the entire thing down in a heap right on his head. Several other children were also hit by flying bones, so we're at the hospital getting everyone checked out. Nobody was seriously hurt, but you know how careful schools are nowadays...."
"Little Will is alright?"
"Yes, He was standing back and nothing hit him, but we still have to stay here till all the other children are checked over and their parents pick them up."
"Which means you'll be home when?!" Celeste is annoyed.
"Hard to say."
"Before or after the time the stores close?"
"I don't know."
Celeste wants to blast him verbally, but since this involves little children, finds that hard to do, so she simply tells him, "I'll put your dinner aside and you can warm it up in the microwave when you get back."
"Thanks!" William replies, "See you later!"
Celeste hangs up and thinks, "'Later' seems to be the word with him! This is the second full day he's failed to replace those defunct computers, and I for one am about to do something drastic. Just what I haven't decided, but when I do......"


CAPER.........by Coralynn

Tiffany drives down Shady Maple Lane and spots the house number she found online. Not surprisingly, it's the biggest house on the block, on a double-lot, with pillars on the front of it, an artificial brook running diagonally across the yard and a lot of tacky statuary, one for each saint known to mankind.
"That's it!" she concludes, "A mob house if ever I saw one!"
She parks three houses down and puts on her Nixon mask. Checking it out in the mirror, she would have chucked at the complete disguise were she not so nervous.
She sees no one else outside who might see which car she got out of, and walks very quickly to the side of the Brazini mansion. Feeling in the right-hand pocket of her coat, her fingers close around the baggie with the stones and the note. Realizing that time is of the essence, she also realizes that she'll get one chance to throw this through a window. If it doesn't break the window, she'll still have to run for her life, as chances are it'll set off an alarm.
She pulls out the baggie, takes aim and fires through a side window, the missive hitting the window but not breaking it. She hears what she thinks is a clanging inside the house, no doubt the alarm going off.
She runs into the back yard of the house next door, which is quite a run as the Barzini mansion stands, as previously noted, on a very large lot. Peeling off the Nixon mask, she drops it on the ground.
Peering around the side of the house she sees several men wearing black suits emerge from the Barzini house, guns drawn.
Knowing they'll find the note lying outside the window, she sheds her huge coat and combat boots, and slips further into the neighborhood, cutting in back of the next three houses till she's about parallel with where she parked her car.
She walks to the front of that house and glances down the block, seeing a cluster of men looking at something, which she assumes must be her blackmail note baggie. She hops into her car and backs up, so as to not have to drive past the Barzini house. Doing a U-ee, she speeds out of the neighborhood onto the street that takes her home. She sees a black car behind her and realizes she could be tailed.
"I'm not leading those goons to Camelot Condos!" she exclaims as she makes a quick right, then a quick left, and heads out of town. She's in Pleasantville before she knows for sure she's shaken them. She parks in back of a diner, gets out and goes inside.
Tiffany sits on one of the little stools by the counter and orders coffee. The waitress gives her an odd look as she places the cup before her. Tiffany drains the cup, tosses money on the counter and goes into the ladies room. Looking at herself in the mirror, she sees that her face still has part of the Nixon mask stuck to it; a small hunk of rubbery-plastic that clings to her forehead. Ripping it off, she tosses it in the wastebasket and leaves by the back door this time.
"No way will that waitress know what that little patch means," she reassures herself as she gets back in her car and, as she enters the highway again, sees no black cars anywhere and heads for home.