I'VE GOT THE HORSE RIGHT HERE........by Coralynn

Bobby Joe comes in the house, slamming the door, "You got some great horses out there, Billy Bob! Except for that one....."
"I know. I didn't notice the limp, but I can always sell him, which reminds me, I have an appointment here any time. Some lady phoned and said she wanted to buy a horse. Didn't say why exactly. We could stand to thin out our stables now that we have those new ones, so if I can talk her into buying Intrepid or Maisie, it would open up a couple more stalls."
"Maisie? That old nag?"
"Maybe she's an older woman and wants a gentle horse. Couldn't tell her age over the phone."
"Well, BB, look out there.....see that car with the woman getting out, could that be her, cause if it is she is definitely not an old woman! Man alive, look at those legs........."
BB looks out the window and sees a tall blond with shoulder length hair, thin and svelte with legs you only dream about. "Hmmm, maybe she'd be more interested in buying Lancelot!" he laughs as he goes outside to greet her.
Tiffany sees that it's the same man she saw in the parking lot the night before, and extends her hand, "Hello, I'm Tiffany Winthrop, and you are Mr. Montgomery? Glad to meet you," she says using her best Westchester lockjaw voice.
He shakes her hand and looks into intelligent clear green eyes, the kind he used to admire on the debutantes at all the coming-out parties of yore. This woman looks like she stepped out of the pages of a........"Call me Billy Bob," he almost forgets to say this, so fixated is he on this vision standing in front of him.
"What kind of horse are you looking for, Miss Winthrop? One you can ride yourself or one for your son or daughter?"
"For me. I'm not married and have no children," she tries not to sneer while she says this, "I need a horse I can take to shows. Steeplechase, things like that. A young, vigorous horse. I must say you have quite a stable! And your training tracks are perfect. I'd need to board my horse here, of course."
"Ok, let's see what we have....." they walk toward the large barn, BB glancing over at Tiffany to make sure she really is that gorgeous, and every time he does, yep, she sure is.
He leads her to a stall that houses a frisky young 2 year old, who whinnies and paces, then at the sight of Tiffany, comes forward and thrusts his muzzle toward her. She runs her hand over the horse's face very slowly, sensuously, which is not lost on BB.
"Can I ride him? I didn't realize you'd have a horse this appropriate. I have my riding clothes in the car. I can change into them, and if you have an English saddle, I'd like to take him around your track over there."
"Perfect!" he replies, applying the word to more than just the situation with the horse.

Tiffany changes into her riding habit and is soon testing out the horse, who is responding very well, as is BB, she notices, smiling with satisfaction.
She dismounts and exclaims, "He's perfect! Let me write you a check!"
BB hasn't even told her how much he's asking for the horse, which leads him to believe that money is no object for this woman, this Tiffany Winthrop. They walk companionably into the office inside the house and she writes out the amount without flinching.
"I think you made a wise choice, Ms. Winthrop," BB tells her, "You realize you're free to come out and ride him any time, any time at all."
"Please, it's Tiffany," she smiles as she makes sustained eye contact with him, then, "I hope you don't think I'm being forward, but I'm new to the area. I notice your town has a little theater troupe and an orchestra, plus it's so close to Manhattan, I'd love to see some plays and concerts. I intend to get season tickets and I was wondering if you would like to accompany me to some of these events."
"Why, I'd be more than happy to do that, Tiffany. I enjoy these cultural events, but finding someone else who appreciates them as I do hasn't been easy. I tend to associate with a lot of cowboys...." he grins.
"Ahhh, yes. then it's a win-win!" she stands and extends her hand toward him again, smiling broadly as he beams back at her.
He walks her to her car and as she gets in, hands her his card. She hasn't had time to have new ones made, she's certainly she's not about to give him one that says "Tiffany, psychic," or "Tiffany, travel agent," or any of those, so she takes his card, writes her own number on it and hands it back to him. He hands her another and waves as she drives away. She can see him in her rear-view mirror, standing there waving, then just standing there watching as she drives away down the long driveway toward the highway.
"Oh yeah, not only is this going to be easy, but not one little bit unpleasant. It's been a long time since I've had such a hunk to scam. Thank you, WandaSue!"


When Tiffany arrives back at Camelot Condos, she enters the condo she shares with Holly, who is all but jumping out of her skin with curiosity. "What happened? Did he ask you out?"
"I asked him out!" Tiffany tells her as she reaches for the phone.
"WandaSue Mongtomery, next mayor of Chappaqua," the newly refined voice comes over the phone.
"Hey, WandaSue! Get over here. I have good news to report!" Tiffany hangs up, figuring it will take WandaSue all of three minutes to appear at their door.
"9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4,..........." the doorbell rings repeatedly.
Holly lets WandaSue inside, and the two look expectently at Tiffany. "TELL!" they both yell.
Tiffany is to the part of the story wherein she's riding the horse when they see the black stretch limo outside again. She hold up her index finger and points to the window; the three look out to see a younger woman getting out this time, instead of Ms. Young getting in.
"It's too early for the car to be picking up Ms. Young," Tiffany muses, "Who might this person be, the one who just got out? His daughter? She has the same basic coloring."
"Let's follow her!" Holly suggests eagerly.
"OK, good idea, but we have to be casual about it," WandaSue puts in.
They leave the condo just as the young woman is walking to the condos at the very back of the property. They walk faster so they can see which place she enters, and when they see her go into the last one on the left, Tiffany says, "Be sure to remember exactly which condo that was, because unless I miss my guess, this woman could be some sort of relative of our mob boss man."
"You don't know for sure he's a mob boss," Holly objects.
WandaSue is quick to come back with, "If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck....."
"OK, OK!" Holly laughs as they turn around and head back to Tiff and Holly's condo.
"I wonder if her name is on her mailbox!" Holly gets a light-bulb moment.
"We'll have to look, but when she's not home," Tiffany adds, "We can't let her see us out there examining the mailbox. I wonder why she was driven home in that limo? She has to have her own car."
"Maybe she's too drunk to drive?" Holly conjectures.
"I suppose. Well at least it's a lead...."
"Or something...." WandaSue nods agreement.


HUMMER-DINGER.....by Terri

"BOO!"
"Jeez! You scared the crap out of me!" Angela Barzini turned to the man who was sitting in the dark in her living room. She had just taken the key out of the door and pushed it open.
The man walked over to her and handed her some CDs. "I was cleaning out my car and found these. I do believe they are yours."
Angela took them and thumbed through them. "My Yanni CD is still missing."
"I'll look for it. May be under the car seat. Hey! You look like something the cat dragged in!"
"I feel like it!"
She went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Her eyes were brown..and red. Her hair was snarled and was coming down from the up-do she wore. Mascara and makeup were smeared all over and her head felt like it was detached from her shoulders.
"Oooooh. Where's that ice-pack?"
She rummaged around in the vanity cabinet. The man lounged against the bathroom door.
"So...where were you last night?"
Angela splashed water on her face and then cupped her hands around her mouth and went 'huh! huh! huh!' in them. She made a face and reached for her mouthwash.
After she gargled, she said, "Does it really matter?"
The man said, "No, not really. Unless you are starting to make a pest out of yourself again."
Angela didn't say anything.
The man said, "Oh ho! So I am right! Angela is on the move again! Who is it this time? Tennis instructor? Golf pro? We ARE getting near the ski season..is it a ski instructor you have your eye on?"
"Don't you have somewhere to go? People to annoy?"
"Got the day off."
"Why don't you make like a tree and leave?"
She looked in her refridgerator and took out some V-8 and soda crackers.
"Can't."
"Why not?"
"Because Dad sent me over here to check on you!"

Angela went into her bedroom and put a robe on. She took a gel mask out of the fridge and laid down on the couch and put the mask on her eyes. The ice pack went on her forehead. She said, "If I ask you nicely, will you go away, Sonny?"
Sonny said, "No. I saw the limo pull up with you in it. That can only mean one thing. You couldn't drive and the bartender called Daddy."
Angela lifted up her gel mask and snarled, "What's it to you?"
Sonny laughed and said, "Nothing. Except last night I stopped at Mama and Daddy's and I was there when the bartender at Casa del Prado told Daddy you were too snoggered to drive home. So he sent the limo for you. He will probably come over this afternoon and give you the old Sicilian curse."
Angela dropped the gel mask back and said, "I won't be home. Even if I AM home, I won't be home."
Sonny leaned back in the chair and said, "You always drink too much when you get dumped, Sis!"
She said, "Go away, Sonny. Leave me to my misery!"
Angela got up and looked out her window.
"What is THAT out there?"
"Out where?"
"That thing that looks like a shoebox on wheels!"
"That 'shoebox' happens to be my new Hummer. You like it?"
"No, I don't like it! It looks like a one-story bungalow! How much you get per gallon?"
Sonny hem-hawed around. "I don't really know. But it's cool! And a great tax deduction! Daddy had a favor coming to him from the guy at the dealership. Practically got it at cost."
Angela said dubiously, "Uh huh."
Angela got up and looked out her window.
"What is THAT out there?"
"Out where?"
"That thing that looks like a shoebox on wheels!"
"That 'shoebox' happens to be my new Hummer. You like it?"
"No, I don't like it! It looks like a one-story bungalow! How much you get per gallon?"
Sonny hem-hawed around. "I don't really know. But it's cool! And a great tax deduction! Daddy had a favor coming to him from the guy at the dealership. Practically got it at cost."
Angela said dubiously, "Uh huh."
"Well, anyways...the chicks love it! I saw one outside scoping it out! A real looker. By the way, you know any of the chicks that live here?"
"No, I don't. I don't fraternize."
Sonny then changed the subject.
Sonny said, "Oh! I heard a weird thing. You know that fitness instructor at the gym? The one who drives the Jeep?"
"Yes. What about him?"
"I heard his Jeep burned up in an explosion outside the KittKat club."
"Imagine that."
"Yeah. I heard that big guy..what's his name? Hotlips? Hotpants?--I heard him talking to that guy Rafe about it. I heard them say Daniel is quite the ladies man and it was probably a disgruntled husband who set it off to go sky high."
"They were talking about him?"
"Yeah. Guess he plays around alot. Wonder if he's married."
Angela said from behind her gelmask, "How would I know?"
"You wouldn't. I've got to get going. I'll see you at Mama and Daddy's for dinner on Sunday. Expect Dad to show up before then, though. And might I add---yo' sho' nuff is in a heap o' trubble, girl!"
She threw her gel mask at the closing door, wrapped herself in a blanket, an ice pack and a haze of ibuprofen and promptly went to sleep.


THE PLOT CLOTS...........by Coralynn

Tiffany has finished telling WandaSue and Holly the entire story of her visit to the Montgomery ranch, the other two women listening with rapt attention.
"You have him so hooked!" WandaSue says gleefully, "If he stood there and looked when your car drove away, just stood there until you were out of sight, that means you made a huge impression. Good job!"
"I thought so!" Tiffany refills their coffee cups, "Now I'll have to buy season tickets to the symphony, get reservations for every Broadway play that looks promising, maybe even the ballet. Does he enjoy the ballet?" she asks WSue.
"How would I know? When I was married to him, back in the dark ages, ha ha, his major interest was getting his pickup truck to run. He spent hours with his head under the hood or lying underneath tinkering with it. The ballet? Beats me!"
"The ballet it is, then!" Tiffany smirks, "That may be the litmus test. If he fakes interest in going to the ballet with me, then I'll know he's hooked."
"Good point," Holly takes a sip of her coffee.
"It's been about an hour, do you think one of us should casually saunter past that condo and get the name off the mailbox?" WandaSue asks.
"Yeah. I'll do it," Holly throws on her jacket and is out the door before the others have time to volunteer.
She walks toward the back of the complex, looking at everything so that her examining the young woman's mailbox won't stand out. She stops frequently, admiring the old Halloween decorations that a few of them have been too lazy or preoccupied to take down. She admires their lawns, their mailboxes which are out front emblazoned with their last names, and stops to examine a Hummer parked on the street. She peers inside because, frankly, she's always been curious to know what those ugly vehicles look like inside. She's so focused on this that she doesn't see the man come out of the last condo on the left, but when he walks up to the driver's side of the Hummer, she quickly backs away.

Moving on, she sees that she's just three condos away from her target. Thinking that she's probably established that she's just a busybody out walking, she goes straight up to the mailbox and sees the name, BARZINI.
Not having anything to write it on, she says it over and over to herself as she casually walks on, then turns in a cul-de-sac and strolls back to her own place. "Barzini, Barzini, B-A-R-Z-I-N-I".........she repeats like a mantra till she arrives home and dashes inside.
Her last name is Barzini!" she announces victoriously to the other two women.
"Great! Let's Google it!" Tiffany turns on her computer, and within a minute is tapping in the name. Nothing. "How do you spell it, Barziny?"
"No, no, no, B-A-R-Z-I-N-I," Holly corrects her.
Tiffany types that in and whistles as 110 hits come up before her eyes. She reads the descriptions aloud, "Salvatore Barzini, indicted......that sounds right.......ok, I have that one open. Whew! Salvatore Barzini was indicted on fraud and racketeering last year.........he got off.........the prosecuting attorney said it was because he had a slick lawyer.............got off on a technicality.........is a reputed mob boss! BINGO!"
"Does it say where he lives?" WandaSue asks.
"Let me open another one.........a-ha! He lives in this town..........this one says he's a well-known crime lord.......married.......has two children, Salvatore Jr. and......Angela. Did you notice if there was a first initial on that mailbox, Hol?"
"No."
"Well, never mind, this has to be it. Now we know the names, we have to plan a strategy that will keep us out of their gunsights is our next challenge."
"Scary!" Holly responds.
"Not if we play it right," WandaSue assures them, "Blackmail is tricky, but it can be done. You just have to think like they do and keep a few steps ahead of them."
"A good morning's work, partners!" Tiffany smiles, "If we succeed with our two 'projects' shall we call them, we will be rolling in the green stuff!"
"And if we don't, we could be rolling under the green grass!" Holly can't resist adding.


FRUS-TRA-TION! ..........by Coralynn

Celeste can't get the broken computer to come back to life, so she goes to her crystal ball and asks if there is anything happening that she should know about, but the ball swirles grey smoke and shows her the landing of the Pilgrims at Plymouth, Mass. "Cut that out!" she yells at it, "I mean now, not back in 1620! Behave, will you please?"
William comes back from a visit to the barber, stopping in the vestibule to admire his tidy beard when he hears Celeste's voice spouting from her room. He walks back there and peeps in, "I say, Celeste, why are you out of sorts of a beautiful day like this? Why I actually walked to the barber, it was so brisk and bracing outside...."
"Good for you!" she is not placated, "But William, I told you the computer broke. You said it was just being cranky and would mend itself. Well, it hasn't done anything of the sort! You said to use Eleanor's computer instead. Guess what? Hers self-destructed at the same time this one did, like the two machines had a sort of agreement to go belly-up simultaneously. So I figured I could always use the crystal ball....now look.....what do you see in the crystal ball?"
He comes closer and examines the swirling picture within the ball. "That looks like the landing of the Pilgrims.....what's that doing in there?"
"You tell me!"
"It would appear the elements are aligned against you, Celeste. Have you been naughty? Have you been out in the back yard dancing nude during the Full Moon?" he can't resist taunting her with this trumped-up rumor.
She throws the phone book at him, but misses.
"Temper, temper!" he chides.
"Would you please go out, right this very minute, and buy us a new computer, maybe several in case one crashes and burns the way this one did?"
"I will straightaway, after I do a few chores."
"It's November, William, your gardening is over for the year, so hop to it!"
"I will, I will...." he assures her as he wanders off to his den to finish reading "War and Peace."


ON THE HOOK...........by Coralynn

WandaSue, Holly and Tiffany are drawing up blackmail plans, one plan after the other rejected.
"There must be a way to do this anonymously," Tiffany bites on her pen as she strikes out the last bad idea. "Now, we want to go after Ms. Young, not Mr. Moneybags himself, at least not directly, right?"
"Right." the other two agree.
"How can we set it up so that she gets the money from him, but doesn't tell him why?"
"Because if she did he might dump her, right?" Holly asks.
"Right."
"We all agree that we tell her we'll squeal to his wife," Tiffany runs over the groundwork one more time.
"The woman may know he has affairs and not care, though," WandaSue points out, "but will Ms. Young realize that?"
"My guess is he never discusses his wife with her," Tiffany conjectures. "She may not know whether the woman is so enthralled with the money he brings home that she turns a blind eye, or whether she has a large Mafia family background, too, with brothers and cousins and nephews only too eager to bring down Sal Barzini."
"We need to know more," Holly says in frustration.
"Now, girls, remember, I know nothing about any of this," WandaSue reminds them, "I'm going to be the mayor. How would it look if I were connected with a blackmail scheme?"
"Thought you told us you already pulled one off!" Holly says.
"But that was a couple or so years ago, and Billy Bob is not about to tell anyone. How would it make him look, stupid? Oh yeah! That one is safe, but this new one I can't be connected with."
"Well, technically you really aren't," Tiffany reminds her, "We'll be the ones collecting the money from old Sal!"
"If asked, deny you even know me, deny you ever met me!" WandaSue wants to make sure.
Before the other two women reply, the phone rings. "You expecting a call?" Holly asks Tiff.
"The only person who has this number is, speak of the devil, Bill."
"Billy Bob!" WandaSue corrects her.
"Bill. I don't date men with names like Billy Bob! Really!" Tiffany sneers as she picks up the phone.
"Yes, this is Tiffany...............how wonderful.............yes! I have this Tuesday night free............and I was about to get tickets to the Philharmonic.................Rachmaninoff...............the second. I agree the Rach 3 is a bit heavy.................that sounds perfect.................I'll be ready!................see you then!"
She hangs up victoriously. "He bit! This Tuesday evening we drive into Manhattan and sit through Rachmaninoff's Second Piano Concerto plus his Rhapsody on a Theme of Paginini.............those are killer romantic numbers, too. Almost impossible to sit for a couple-three hours next to someone when that music is playing and not fall helplessly in love."
"But wouldn't that apply to you, too?" WandaSue frowns.
"I said it would be almost impossible, that's for other people, hard for them, easy for me!" she replies with steely determination. "If I ran down the list of men, some of whose names you would recognize, who fell madly in love with me while I felt nothing, nothing at all, you would gasp."
"Movie stars?" WandaSue asks eagerly.
"Yes. And politicians. And heads of state, and international playboys...."
WandaSue's eyes become huge, while Holly thinks, 'there she goes again......what a good routine......and what a crock!'


DANIEL'S RETURN......by Terri

John logged on to the computer and looked at his email. There was his e-ticket for Kansas City. A 9:00 AM flight. He printed it out and put it in his folder along with the agenda printed out for him. He checked his watch. Time to leave for the airport to pick up Daniel. He went quietly into the bedroom where Rose was still sleeping. He shook her gently.
"Hon? I have to go to the airport and pick up Daniel. I'll be back after I drop him off."
"Mmmm?"
He kissed the top of her head and said, "I'll take that for an OK."

John waited at the gate for the flight from Wilkes-Barre. Daniel was one of the last off the plane.
"Hey, John. Did you get your ticket for KC?"
"Yep. I leave tomorrow. I have to go into the gym later this morning and wrap a few things up. I am meeting that rep from Lifestyle fitness equipment. Name is..what was it again? Pat. Pat McMahon."
Daniel said, "How is my Corvette?"
John said, "Right where you left it at your apartment. Ranger was fine with Rafe. Only barfed once on the couch."
"Good."
"Once on the rug, once on the coffee table..."
Daniel groaned. "I need to switch dog food! How are the kids?"
"Good. Baby is a sweetheart. Not sleeping through the night."
"Must be hard on Rose. How's she coping?"
"Not too well. She's upset all the time and I can't seem to help her. She's uptight."
Daniel said, "I don't know too much about women's dispositions or problems so I can't help you there. I'll drop by to see the baby in a day or two. Got to see my new niece! By the way, have you seen you-know-who?"
"Just once at the gym. Said hi like the genial owner that I am. She didn't say anything back. I don't really recall her working out. Just kind of hung around."
Daniel said, "I wish she'd just go away. She's spooky."
John said, "Ignore her. She'll get the hint. Unless..."
"Unless what?"
"Unless she is a bunny boiler. Then you'd better keep Ranger on a short leash."
Daniel sighed. "It's Mehitable all over again..."


FORGET GRASS STAINS..TIDE GETS THE X OUT...by Terri

Rosamond rolled over and patted the place next to her. Empty. She wakened gradually and then remembered. John said he was going to the airport to pick up Daniel. I think that was what he said.
She got up and took a shower before the baby woke up. By the time she got out, Jenna was stirring and Julie had come into her room and tried to climb on the bed. Rose took the baby back into bed with her and gave Julie a little boost. She nursed the baby while Julie curled up next to her.
Will came in and said, "Hey! Mommy! When's breakfast?"
"In a minute, Will. I need to take care of the babies first."
He gave an exaggerated groan and said, "But I am STARVING!"
Within the hour, the baby had been changed and nursed and put back in her bassinet, and Julie and Will had been fed. Julie was quietly playing with her stuffed bunny and watching Teletubbies. Will went over to see Aunt Eleanor. Really he wanted to see Robin Hood, Rose thought.
Rosamond finally got up her courage to go to the laundry room to look for the proverbial marked underwear. She started to sort through the laundry hamper...let's see...he was wearing his blue pullover yesterday....jeans? yes, the black ones....they aren't here. She looked frantically through the laundry hamper. They HAVE to be somewhere!
"Hon? Where are you? Julie seems to have dumped the dog food into their water bowl..Oh! There you are!"
She looked up from her foraging and had that deer-in-the-headlights-look. She didn't say anything.
"I dropped Daniel off at his apartment and I came home to pick up my briefcase. I'm meeting a new rep from Lifestyles today. They have a new line of equipment out that may be easier for the women to use. Hey! You OK?"
Rose got up from the floor and said, "Where are the clothes you had on last night?"
John said, "I threw them in the washer. I thought I'd help you out and do a load of laundry. I was just about to put them in the dryer."
Rose said, "No, that's OK. I'll do it. You need to get to work."
"That I do. I may be late tonight. The sales rep may want to wine and dine me!"
"What? Late? John, you hate those schmoozing deals."
"I know..but I thought, what the hey? So don't save any dinner for me. Even if I don't go out, I may just grab a quick bite at the deli next door. I have paperwork to do."
"But why can't you do it at home?"
"Rose, I have to get going! I'll call you later!"
Rose sat down in the pile of laundry she had created. He left without kissing me goodbye...he said he may be working late..and a new sales rep he may have dinner with? He hates those things. Is he using it as an excuse?
She wearily got to her feet and opened the washer. Inside was a full load, washed and begging to be dried. She took them out and put them in the dryer. About five pairs of underwear were there. She took each one out one by one and looked at the label. No..no...no....no......no...wait! What is this? She took it over to the window to get more light on it. Not good enough. She grabbed the flashlight out of the utility closet and shone it on the label. A black smudge. Could it be? I can't really tell... She looked in the washer to see if anything had fallen in there.. matchbook covers, a receipt...anything that would give her a clue.
She turned to the underwear label again. Is that a faint 'X' or is it my imagination?
Should I go to the gym and confront John? Or should I have more trust and faith in my husband? Has he ever led me to believe there was another woman before?
But then what are those phone calls about from that horrid woman? Is it Wanda Sue starting trouble all over again? It didn't sound like Wanda Sue though...
Rose put the clothes in the dryer. Maybe when they dry, the 'X' will show up. But what if I can't see it?
Would John do this to me? Maybe he is feeling overwhelmed with three children. Or maybe he is feeling....trapped.


SLEUTHING.........by Coralynn

"Time to mount a fact finding mission," Tiffany declares to Holly, who is engrossed in reading a romance novel, "I think one of us should hang out over at the office where Ms. Young works, and one of us ought to find out what we can from Angela Barzini...."
"You think either one of them is going to talk?" Holly puts a bookmark in and lays aside her novel.
"We can't just come out and ask them point blank, but maybe one of them will let something slip."
"Hey, Tiff, we know Ms. Young is having an affair with Salvatore Barzini, what else do we need to know?"
"You think we should just send her a letter telling her to put fifty thou in a paper bag and leave it on a park bench?" Tiffany asks, annoyed with her co-conspirator.
"Yeah."
"OK, then, you compose a letter and show it to me, and we'll see...." Tiffany responds.
"Right! Here.....I'll make a rough draft........Dear Ms. Young, we know you're having an affair with Salvatore Barzini. Unless you want his wife to find out, I would strongly suggest you put fifty thousand dollars in a bag, about the size of a lunch-bag not one of those big things you bring home from the grocery store, and.........I know! she can mail it to a P.O. box!!"
"You're going to write that?!"
"No, no. I mean, instead of her leaving it on a bench, where anybody wandering by can pick it up, she can put it in a box, a bag, whatever, and mail it to us."
"At our post office box."
"Right! We can rent one under a fake name for about a week, then ditch it."
"Hmmm, that might just work. But is fifty thou enough? I mean for all the trouble and danger we're going to be going through?"
"OK," Holly considers, "How about 250 thou?"
"That might make it worth the trouble......sure wish we could get more advice from WandaSue, but she said she has to pretend she doesn't know us......starting now."
"She told me she had Billy Bob...."
"Bill!" Tiffany corrects her.
"OK, then, she had 'Bill' deposit money into an account under a fake name. Could we do that?"
"I like the post office idea better. With a bank account they're more apt to get a better I.D. on us. The post office doesn't care."
"Good, then the post office it is!" Holly goes to the computer and begins composing the letter, "What font should I use? There are all kind of them.........ooooooooooo......look at this one......it doesn't even look like regular letters!"
"Just a regular old font face and size, don't get fancy, Hol. and....." she looks at the start the other woman has on the letter and shakes her head, "stick to black, will ya? Purple is just a bit too much. She'll think we're teenagers if we don't make our letter more professional."
'Ok, Ok, boring black it is." Holly grumbles as she types out the rest of the letter, then prints it. Handing it off to Tiffany with a flourish, she grins as the other reads, and when Tiffany pronounces, "this is ok," Holly grabs an envelope to put it in.
"Should we drop it off at the office or mail it to her?" Holly asks.
"We'd better mail it. If it's dropped off, shoved through the mailslot into her office, she'll be suspicious it's someone here in the condo complex."
"But then it'll take days for it to get to her! I can't wait that long!"
"If we're going to succeed, we have to exercise a little patience, Holly. Now, let's take it to the post office, mail it, then get a P.O. box."
"Oooops, we can't seal this till we know the number of our P.O. box," Holly realizes, "So tell ya what; you sign up for the box, then tell me the number and all I'll have to do is write is on here."
"She'll notice it's written in, not typed like the rest of the letter..."
"Not if I'm careful," Holly gets a devilish look on her face as she grabs her coat, throws it on, and is out the door heading for the car.
Tiffany follows, hoping against hope they've thought of everything. As they are about to enter the car, they see the dark haired woman they think is Angela Barzini, walking toward the office.
"What's she going in there for, to confront her Dad's mistres?" Holly whispers excitedly.
"Please, Holly, reign in your imagination. She's probably only going over to pay her rent or report something that needs repair."
They drive out onto the highway when Holly gets another brainstorm, "Wouldn't it be great if somehow we got the word to Angela Barzini that Ms. Young is her father's mistress, then she can give them hell?"
"Nope. Bad idea. We can't look like we're involved in any way," Tiffany squelches the idea as the car gains speed, heading for town.


ANOTHER PLOT..................by Coralynn

Sally Jennings fingers her time travel coin, frowning, "I'm getting bored and restless," she tells Penelope Patterson, "I want to take someone on a time trip, someone like....."
"WandaSue!" Penelope suggests.
"But we can't get close enough to her to do it! Not since we've been on the outs with her so long."
"It was our decision not to be friends with her anymore, so it's our own fault," Sally states matter-of-factly.
Penelope sighs loudly, "Think we could make up with her before her inauguration as mayor of the town?"
"There's a deadline?" Sally's eyebrows go up.
"If we're going to send her somewhere so she doesn't show up to be inaugurated....."
"Then she can't be the mayor, is that what you're saying?"
"Yeah. Tie a knot in her curly little tail!"
Sally mulls it over, then replies, "We'll think of something.....we still have a few weeks to work out a plan."
"We could lure her somewhere........."
"Right. As I said, we'll think of something," Sally says decisively.

MEANWHILE:

Celeste hears Mozart's Symphony #41 steaming from the den where William retreated to read the rest of 'War and Peace.' She pushes open the door to see him asleep on his recliner, the book having dropped off his lap onto the floor, the music still playing loudly.
She turns off the CD player, which startles him. "Whaaaa....?"
"You promised you'd go to the electronics store and pick up a few more computer, William. So where are they?"
"I told you I had to finish this book," he reaches down and retrieves the book from the floor.
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"How many more pages?" she asks, skeptically.
He flips to the back of the book and replies, "about 200 is all."
"It'll be tomorrow by the time you finish it, now get moving!" she demands.
"OK, OK. Sheeeesh you're a nag!" he stands up and stretches, placing the book on the end table.
"I'll do more than nag if you shirk!" she threatens, "You know full well how we rely on reading the Story to find out what the more disreputable groups of people are up to. We've avoided many an unpleasant scenario by being warned ahead of time...."
"Oh yeah, you and your 'story'......" he mocks.
As they leave the den and walk into the kitchen, where William keeps his big hunting jacket by the back door, he reaches for it just as Celeste grabs up the broom and smacks him across the backside.
"What was that for?"
"A reminder. Don't come back without two, no, three computers and make it snappy."
"If historians only knew how the great William the Conqueror was being abused, threatened, smacked around by a.........a woman of all things....."
She smacks him again with the broom, "A woman of all things! Get to the store before I reduce you to a very large grease stain on the floor."
He finally laughs, zips up his jacket and beats it out the door before she takes another shot at him.


MAFIA PRINCESS.........by Terri

Angela Barzini got in her Lexus and gunned the engine. The nerve of some people, she thought, as she peeled out of the parking lot. She replayed the conversation in her mind---
"Ms. Young, I need to report a problem. The tenant in 16A is in my parking space AGAIN! Now, I fully expect you to correct this problem!"
Ms Young said, "I understand, Ms Barzini, but you have to understand, this is the new mayor who lives in 16A."
Angela exploded, "I DON'T CARE IF IT IS THE PRIME MINISTER OF ENGLAND! My father bought me this condo and I fully expect to have my parking space!"
Ms Young tried to smile pleasantly, "Miss Barzini...."
Angela said imperiously, "Do you know who my father is?"
Ms Young said, "Yes, I do..."
"...and do you know that I am his only daughter?"
"Yes, but.."
"...and the apple of his eye?"
"Yes, Ms..."
"His princess?"
"Yes.."
"..and that I am NOT a happy camper? Now, I am SURE you don't want to upset me, the daughter of Salvatore Barzini. Now, my father can make things VERY unpleasant for you, Ms. Young. I am sure you don't want to upset Salvatore Barzini. But when you upset me, you upset him too! So I fully expect to have that parking place by 5:00 PM today. Now, you do that and we will both have a good day!"
Angela slammed the door and the windows rattled.

She pulled into the parking lot of the fitness center. She pulled her gym bag out of the back seat and headed into the gym. As she came in, she passed John who was in the corner talking to a woman with fiery red hair and a slinky spandex leotard.
She casually walked over by the Butt Blaster machine to get a scoop on what they were talking about. I swear, if I find out that Daniel has another honey on the side, I will wreck what is left of his life. Bad enough that he has a wife.
She edged closer and listened in...
"So, you are saying with this new hydraulic system a woman can get the same workout without putting stress on her joints?"
Pat McMahon leaned forward and showed John how the machine worked.
"Here..let me show you this," Pat said. "You just move this here...and this here..."
Pat McMahon was flat on her back and lifting up the weights on the machine.
"See how the chest muscles can work?"
John nodded. "And if you move the weights this way..."
Pat McMahon sat up and gave John a brilliant smile. "Yes! Exactly! What do you say we go to lunch---the treat is on Lifestyle Machines. Just tell me where you would like to go and we can work out a mutually beneficial relationship..for business, that is!"
John laughed and said, "Let me just do a few things in the office and get someone to cover for me."


WHY PAY RETAIL?............by Coralynn

Marilyn hears a ruckus at the front door, and rushes to it to find William struggling with several good-sized boxes, unable to turn the door handle. She opens the door so that he can enter.
"What's in the boxes, William?"
"Computer! I have a couple more of them out in my car."
"I thought we already had a two computers in this house...."
"They both crashed. Celeste ordered me to go out and get more."
Marilyn grins. Celeste has become more and more assertive as the grande dame of the household. Her original designation as the 'cleaning lady' is nowhere in evidence.
William carries the boxes back to Celeste's living quarters, raps loudly on the door and then barges in.
Celeste is shocked, "You can't just come in here any time, William. I may have been in a state of undress for all you know...."
"Too bad, old woman! Here's your computer!" he begins taking the component parts out of the boxes, placing them on her desk which has blessedly been vacated by the offending old computer.
Celeste decides to ignore his unkind reference to her age, and simply asks, "Do you know how to set one of these up? Should we phone Jack and have him do it?"
"NO! Jack is at work, besides, I know how to do it!"
Celeste looks at the now empty boxes, "What kind of store did you get these from? It says here 'Why Pay Retail.'"
"Exactly! Why should anyone pay retail when they can get perfectly good refurbished computers at this new store for about half the money?"
"Refurbished William? Why should we buy second hand stuff when between us all we have a kajillion million dollars?"
"Thrift! Next to Godliness. Well, after cleanliness......then comes thrift." he plugs in several things into several potals, then stands back with satisfaction. "Turn it on!"
She does so. The screen shows some light, then some odd-looking vertical lines, then alofasudden it springs to full life. There are people talking and laughing. Celeste frowns as her old computer didn't do this.
Both she and William watch as George, Elaine, Kramer and Jerry argue about the contents of Jerry's refrigerator.
"This is an episode of 'Seinfeld!'" Celeste declares, "William! This is supposed to be a computer, not a TV set!"
William reaches into the empty boxes for the instruction manual, then, feeling nothing in any of them, upends them to see if the manual will fall out. No.
"This is a computer! The guy in the store said it was! See? It says here it's a Sony computer!"
"Why is it picking up Seinfeld then?"
William sits in the stuffed chair near the computer desk and sighs loudly, "A simple glitch. I can fix it."
"JACK can fix it, you mean!"
"I can do this. I don't need anyone's help. What do you take me for, a helpless fool?"
"YOU said it, I didn't!" she quips as she walks out of the room.


THE JIG IS ON..........by Coralynn

Tiffany and Holly have just signed up for a post office box under the name Ann Williams, have just written to box number carefully on the blackmail letter and sealed it, dropped it in the mailshoot, when they see the postal worker pick it and a few other recent letters and sort them into piles for delivery.
"What luck! It oughta get to her today!" Holly whispers.
"That was lucky, now let's scram!" Tiffany feels nervous even being in the post office, which has come to represent their dangerous project.
They get into the car and drive off, Holly all excited about Ms. Young getting the blackmail letter today, Tiffany still a bit nervous. "This had better work...." she tells her partner in crime.
"Oh it will, it will!"
As they drive by the fitness center they see a black Lexus. "Is that Angela Barzini's car?" Tiffany asks.
"I think so! If so, does she have a membership at the club, and should we get one, too?"
"Why would you want to do that, being the couch potato you are?"
"Because then we could find out stuff." Holly thinks this is self evident.
"I don't know, Hol, I've sorta given up on the idea of hanging around Angela Barzini, waiting for her to say something useful or incriminating or....."
"Well, it's an idea!" Holly is happy and will not be discouraged.
"We'll see. But right now we're heading back to the condo. Have you noticed about when the mail is delivered every day?"
"About 3, or is it 4? Anyway, we'll be there when it is. Then just watch the fireworks!" Holly is getting on a roll.
"Fireworks? You think Ms. Young is going to come barging out of the office, swinging the blackmail letter over her head, screaming?"
"Welllll, probably not."
"We could manage to be in the office about the time the mail is delivered, though," Tiffany conjectures.
"I love it! Lets!" Holly is now clapping her hands in glee.
"We can come up with some reason or other to be in there...."
They park, get out, go into their condo and wait.


____________......by Terri

Rosamond spent the morning cleaning the house and waiting for the load of laundry in the dryer to get done. When she heard the dryer buzzer go off, she hurried downstairs and dumped it all in a basket. She searched and searched untill she found the pair of briefs that she wanted. She looked at the label. Very faint..is it or isn't it? She wasn't anywhere closer to the answer than she was before the Great Laundry Episode. She threw the laundry down in exasperation and yelled, "DAMN!"
Rose heard a commotion upstairs and Will shouted, "Mommy! Julie dumped cereal on Jake's head and Belle is trying to lick it off!"
Rose ran up the stairs and looked at the dog. He had oatmeal running down his face and ears. He was trying to lick it off with his tongue and not quite reaching it. Belle tried to help him out and Jake would snarl at her.
Rose sighed and smacked Julie's hand. She screamed and yelled.
Rose said, "Will, I think I need to take you three over to Grandma Celeste's while I drop Jake off at the dog groomers. That oatmeal is already settiing in like cement."
She called Celeste and explained that she should not be doing something so strenuous as washing a very active Lab and would she mind watching the children?
Celeste said, "Oh my dear, you know I am always available. And the rest are just dying to hold little Jenna. Bring them all over. William is attempting to hook up a cheap computer. I could used the diversion. In fact,. why don't you go meet your husband for lunch? Surprise him!"
Within a half hour, Rose dropped the children. She glanced in the mirror and frowned at the dark circles under her eyes. She ran a brush through her hair and put a bit of lipstick on. She changed into the black sweater and jeans that John loved on her and put her boots on. She sprayed a bit of John's favorite perfume on. I have to be a fool to believe any of those phone calls..don't I?
She clipped the leash on Jake and shoved him into the SUV. When she arrived at the groomers, they took one look at Jake wearing an oatmeal cement helmet and still trying to reach his head with his tongue. They burst into laughter. Rose left him there for the afternoon.
She got in the SUV and drove to the Body Shop. She glanced at her watch and thought, it will be nice to have a lunch with my husband without having to feed Julie strained peas and having a baby hanging on my boobs! Sometimes I feel like a cow..or a milk factory.
She checked her face in the mirror and pinched her cheeks. She got out of the car and straightened herself up. If you feel right, you look right. Inside she was tired as all get-out. She locked the car door, hoisted her purse over her shoulder, ran her fingers through her hair and headed for the office.


WILLIAM, TECH EXPERT..........by Coralynn

William finds it doubly difficult to install the computer with the sounds of small children in the house, but dare not ask Celeste to keep the noise level down, fearing another swat with the broom and more criticism regarding his ability to install a simple computer.
He undoes everything he had done before and starts over. "Now....if I were this plug, which portal would I plug into?" he asks aloud, and sees some color coding. With relief he matches the coding up and soon has all the plugs installed. He sighs happily and turns it on.
He doesn't see Seinfeld reruns this time. No, this time it's broadcasting vintage Fibber McGee and Molly radio shows. No picture at all, just lots of grey fuzzy stuff giggling around with the voices of the main characters in that super old radio show.
He yanks the cord out of the electrical socket and soon has all the parts stacked in the corner.
He tiptoes out into the living room and sees Celeste rocking the baby, with Julie and little Will coloring with big fat crayons. As he makes his way to the front door, little Will looks up and asks, "Where ya goin' poppy William? Did you bring me a treat?"
"I'm sure I can find one for you after I get back," William tells the boy, "right now I have to install a computer."
Celeste looks up and makes a sound that can only mean she thinks he'll fail. He decides to ignore her.
Within a few minutes he returns with another stack of boxes and quickly walks back into Celeste's living quarters again. He tears open the boxes and sees that this refurbished computer is a Hewlett Packard. "Oh good, this one ought to work!" he declares to the room.

Celeste has put the baby down for a nap, and is returning to the living room when she hears William calling her name. She goes into her living quarters and sees William smiling, "Turn this one on, Celeste!" he tells her with something akin to pride in his voice.
She does so.
There is a screen saver on this computer, with icons peppered all over it. Celeste thinks this is odd; didn't they refurbish it, as in take off the junk that was on it before?
She goes online, and is soon watching horse-racing with loud music playing behind it.
"I didn't ask it to go to this site....." she declares, "Let me see if I can get it to go to the Google search engine."
The Google page appears with a target request already typed on it, saying "Santa Anita Raceway."
She tries to backspace it out, but it reappears no matter how many times she tries to explunge it.
"This one doesn't work, William!" she dusts off her hands and starts for the door, "Why couldn't you have gotten new computers? Are we really that hard up?"
"Thrift!" he almost bellows at her, then rethinks his approach as her expression is not the usual kindly grandmotherly Celeste expression.
She glowers as she leaves, slamming the door behind her.
"I have one more computer out in the car," William mutters, "and that one will work properly or...........or........"
This time he leaves the house by the back door.


_____________......by Terri

John went into the office. Slim was sitting at the computer updating some files on clients. John grabbed his jacket and said, "I have a luncheon meeting with Ms. McMahon. Keep an eye on things, would you, Slim?"
Slim saluted but his eyes never left the computer screen. "Aye aye, Captain. Daniel should be here within the next fifteen minutes. He just called. He's stuck in traffic." John grabbed his keys and said, "I'll see him when I get back."

Angela did a slow burn as she watched John go into the office. She heard Pat call after him.
"I'll be right back. I just have to change."
John said, "Take your time."
Pat McMahon went into the changing room and slipped into a pair of jeans and a scoop neck sweater that showed sufficeint cleavage when she bent over.
Angela came into the changing room as Pat was applying her lipstick. She ran a brush through her hair and dabbed some perfume on.
Angela said casually, "Looks like you have a 'hot date'."
Pat looked at her in the mirror and gave her a secret smile.
"Ohhh yeah!" she drawled out.
Angela tried another tactic. "Don't I know you from Bashinsky, Lewis and Culpepper Investments?"
Pat said, "No, I work for Lifestyle Fitness Machines. I demonstrate and sell equipment. Fitness equipment, that is."
Angela faked surprise. "Oh! And you are trying to interest Mr. Gwinnett in some new equipment, is that it?"
Pat laughed a little naughtily. "OK--if that is the way you want to put it!"
Angela tried to control herself from knocking Ms McMahon's teeth in. But she said sweetly, "Stay warm!" to which Pat flashed her even white teeth and said, "I fully intend to!"
Angela watched her leave and was really steaming now. That three time two timer! She slipped a towel on and headed for her massage appointment. Looking at her watch, she said to herself, I have an hour here and a half hour in the steamroom. As long as Daniel is gone I may as well put this time to good use!
She kicked the door open with her foot and marched down the hall.

"Ready to go?" Ms McMahon said as she met John by the door."I heard there is a fantastic little Italian restaurant over on Elm Street."
She took John's arm. He turned to Slim and said, "I'll be back later."
Slim turned from the computer and raised his eyebrows almost to his head. He asked, "What shall I tell...?"
John's words as he was going out the door were heard, "Is the lasagna any good there?"
The door closed behind them.
"...your wife if she calls?" Slim finished. To the air.

Daniel came into the office as Slim was finishing up his entries.
"Hey, Slim! Man, that traffic is really snarled over on the expressway. It took me fifteen minutes just to go one exit! Where's John? I see his car outside."
Slim sighed heavily. "He had a lunch meeting with that sales rep from Lifestyle Fitness Machines."
Daniel smirked, "Oh! You mean Ms McMahon?"
Daniel held his arms out in front of his chest, palms facing him.
Slim said, "That's the one."
Daniel thumbed through the mail. "Yeah. She sure knows how to work that pec machine. And it shows. John went to lunch with her, huh?"
"So it would seem."
Daniel said, "Well...I"ll be! Huh! That is very interesting. Very interesting indeed!"

Rosamond pulled her coat tighter around herself. Starting to feel like autumn is almost over. She went inside and ran into Slim.
"Hey, Slim!"
Slim looked like a little kid with a handful of cookies behind his back.
"OH! Rose! Hi! Well! What a surprise!"
She smiled. "I had to drop the dog off at the groomers. He had a little mishap and needed revamping. The children are with Celeste so I thought I would see if my husband is up for a nooner."
"A what?"
"A nooner. Lunch."
Slim laughed. "Oh! It's just that a nooner usually means...oh, never mind!"
Rose looked puzzled. Slim said, "Honey, it would be better if you just said 'lunch' OK?"
Rose said, "OK. Is he in his office?"
Slim looked like a criminal wanting to flee the scene of a crime.
"I think John had a meeting somewhere. Daniel is in there."
Rose turned the doorknob and said, "Thank you...Slim? Slim?"
She shrugged and opened the door. "Hi, Daniel. I came by to take John to lunch but he is in a meeting. When do you expect him back? Will he be long?"
Daniel said, "Can't say for sure."
"Who was the meeting with?"
"The sales rep from Lifestyle Fitness Machines."
"Oh! He went out to lunch with Sam Carter then."
"Sam Carter?"
"Yes. We met him in Paris at the trade show last year."
"Sam's transferred to management, honey. There's a new sales rep in this area. Pat McMahon."
Rose sat down at the desk and looked for a piece of paper.
"Pat McMahon? Don't believe I have met him. When did he take over?"
Daniel leaned back in his chair, made a paper airplane and sent it shooting into space. It landed right in front of Rose. He said, "He? Honey, Pat is not a guy. Pat is short for Patricia."
Rose's head jerked up and her blood kind of congealed.
"P-P-Pat? This sale rep is a woman?"
Daniel said, "Ohhh...yeah!"


THIRD TIME A CHARM?.........by Coralynn

William re-enters the house by the back door, the same way he left to fetch the third computer from his car, thereby avoiding any contact with that spoil-sport, Celeste, who is now reading Peter Rabbit to Little Will. The other two children are sound asleep, and as he tiptoes back toward the living quarters where Celeste keeps her computer desk, he tries not to disturb either small child. "All I'd need is for one of them to wake up screaming," he tells himself.
He stacks the second computer in the corner of the room beside it's companion.
"Two computers that don't work!" he mutters as he begins to unload the third computer from its boxes. "I'm going back to that store and giving them what-for! And if there's anything wrong with this one, I may sue!" that last idea brings a smile to his face as he finds an actual Manual for this computer, pays close attention to the instructions, and begins to carefully, methodically follow them to the letter.
He hears footsteps, and a rap on the door. He freezes and hopes whoever it is, probably Celeste, will give up and go away. But no.
Marilyn tiptoes in and peers at his progress. "You sure do have a lot of boxes in here for one computer!" she marvels.
"Those two were no good," he tries to sound casual, "this one should work."
"No good? How could you buy new computers that are no good the day you bring them from the store? I've heard of planned obsolescence, but that's ridiculous!"
"They're refurbished, he tells her, his voice dropping so she barely hears the last word.
"Refurbished? Surely we can afford new ones, William! Have we all lost our shirts in the stock market? Considering none of us have money invested in it, that would be a trick! What's happened that we're so hard up?"
William, hunched over the machines, straightens and says, "Marilyn, the rich are rich because they don't waste their money. The rich stay rich because they conserve, they clip coupons, they buy when things go on sale...."
"But refurbished?" Marilyn is incredulous, and then laughs as she makes her way out of the room, softly closing the door behind her.
"The members of our household are so profligate with their funds it's a wonder we aren't in bankruptcy!" he tells the third computer, the one with the instuction manual, the one he is sure he has installed properly. But this time he doesn't call out for Celeste to come in and see the results when it's turned on. He does it himself just to make sure everything is in order.

After hitching everything up so that he can go online, he types in a URL and gets an error message. OK, no big deal, that website is obviously defunct. No problem. He types in the URL for a site that contains football scores. Again, an error page, no such website on this server. He's beginning to frown. That site should be on there; he just saw an ad for it on TV! He brings up the Google search engine, but it doesn't appear; instead he gets another error message, this time with a warning saying "if you persist in trying to access salacious websites, you will be reported to the proper authorities." HUH??? That just by typing in the Google search?!
He sits back in the chair and tries to figure it out. While he's waiting for inspiration, he begins to hear voices coming from the computer speakers. No picture, just voices, telling pilots how to land and take off.
"What is this?!" he sits up, amazed, "Traffic control?"
He listens more closely and sure enough, he hears the air traffic controllers talking to pilots whose planes are in the air, approaching airports. William tries to go offline to get rid of it, but the machine won't turn off. He pushes the Ctrl & Alt & Delete buttons but nothing appears so he can cut it off. His breathing is becoming loud and labored. After trying in vain to get rid of the air traffic control, he reaches over and yanks the plug out of the wall.
"#$*&@%!" he yells as he re-boxes the third computer, "Three defective computers in a row? What are the chances?" he is so agitated he boxes up all three computers, then as quietly as possible carries the boxes into the kitchen, hoping to make an unnoticed exodus out the back door to his car.
He's almost done stacking them up when Celeste enters the kitchen, "Well?" is all she says.
"I'm taking them back!" he snarks at her.
She squelches the urge to tell him 'I told you so,' and instead goes about her chore of emptying the dishwasher, but if he had the courage to look, he'd see a very large smile on her face.


MAYHEM!.......by Terri

Rosamond collected her thoughts quickly.
"Oh! John is at lunch with a woman named Pat. A sales representative named Pat. How nice!" She tried to smile.
Daniel leaned back in his chair.
"Aw, come on, Rose! You know you are fuming and screaming inside. Let it out! I've got big shoulders. You can cry on them!"
Rose feverishly looked for paper, her face flushed. She pulled out drawer after drawer and mindlessly rummaged in them while keeping up a stream of chatter.
"I don't know why you think I need a shoulder to cry on Daniel I trust my husband why wouldn't I he has always been faithful in the past and there is no need to think that he is not faithful and trustworthy now and WHY CAN'T I FIND A PIECE OF PAPER IN THIS DAMN DESK?"
Daniel walked over and pulled the top drawer out and handed her a sheet of paper. She snatched it out of his hand and then started looking for a pen.
"Really! John loves me and I love him and there is no reason for me to worry so what if he is having lunch with a woman named Pat what do I care if they go to Burger King or Wendy's or McDonalds it's no nevermind to me and WHERE DOES JOHN KEEP HIS PENS?!"
Daniel walked over and handed her a pen out of the pencil holder on the desk.
He said, "Oh, it's not a McDonald's kind of lunch. John just ordered 30,000.00 worth of machines so I think Pat took him out to celebrate. Slim said they were going to that new Italian restaurant on Elm Street."
Rose said, "The Firenza Garden? The one he keeps promising to take me to? The one with the romantic gardens inside? The one with the Statue of David and Botticelli paintings all around? The one with Venus on the half-shell?"
"Scallop."
"What?"
"Scallop shell. Not half shell."
Rose stood up and yelled, "YOU ARE ALWAYS FINDING FAULT WITH EVERY LITTLE MISTAKE I MAKE, DANIEL! AND I AM GETTING SICK AND TIRED OF IT! JUST BECAUSE I CHOSE JOHN OVER YOU AND NOW YOU ARE TRYING TO FILL MY HEAD WITH THOUGHTS THAT JOHN IS CHEATING ON ME!" Daniel started yelling also. "I DID NO SUCH THING! I ONLY TOLD YOU WHERE YOUR HUSBAND IS! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, SHOOT THE MESSENGER?"

Slim and Rafe stood at the door. Moose came over.
"Whatcha all listening to?"
"Shhhh!!! Rose just found out John went to lunch with that sales rep! She's giving it good to Daniel!" Slim whispered.
Moose said, "Uh oh! Been a long time coming!"

Angela Barzini came out of the locker room after having a massage and a sauna. She saw three fitness trainers with their ears against the door and some loud voices coming from the other side of the door. The words were indistinguishable but the emotions behind it came through loud and clear. She edged up as close as she could. Rafe, Slim and Moose stood elbowing and pushing each other for a better vantage point. The door suddenly opened and the Three Stooges of the Fitness World fell in the office. Rosamond ignored them and stepped over them.
She turned and yelled, "YOU ARE JUST LOVING THIS, AREN'T YOU?"
Daniel yelled back, "HEY, THIS ISN'T MY FAULT!"
She yelled back, "WELL, DON'T BE SURPRISED IF THERE ARE SOME BOXES OF CLOTHES SITTING OUT FRONT BY THE DOOR!"
Daniel shouted back, "HEY, IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM!"
Rose yelled back, "GO TO HELL, GWINNETT!!"
She slammed the door shut but not before was heard, "OW! MY LEG!"
The door was shut so hard it bounced back. Rosamond slammed the front door, slammed her car door behind her, and burned out of the parking lot.

John and Pat McMahon were seated in The Firenza Garden by the garden pool. John looked around. "This is really something. Thanks for bringing me here."
Pat lowered her menu so that only her eyes showed. They were smouldering.
"Oh, the pleasure is all mine! I have a handsome lunch partner!"
John said, "Shall we order?"
Pat said, "Oh, not just yet! Let's celebrate! It's not every day I get to call in a 30,000.00 order! Waiter? Please bring us a bottle of Dom Perignon."
John whistled, "Are you sure?"
Pat answered, "Oh, yes! It is the only thing to celebrate with!"
John looked around. "I'll have to bring Rosamond here."
"Rosamond? Is that your..girlfriend?"
John said, "No, that's my wife."
Pat stammered, "Your wife. You are MARRIED?"
John was puzzled. "Why...yes. I thought you knew that."
Pat let out a pent-up breath and tried to say casually, "I suppose you both have matching chocolate labs."
John laughed. "No, just one. Jake. And a Golden Retriever named Belle."
"So..how long have you been married?"
"It was a year in October."
"Oh. So you haven't been married long."
John said, "It seems like we have. We have three children."
Pat was puzzled. "Three children? But how....? Never mind! None of my business."
John said, "Yes, ....well, it's kind of a long story. We just had a baby girl last month. Rose has been really distracted lately. Tired all the time."
The wheels in Pat's mind were turning. Tired? Distracted? If I had a man like that on my arm 24/7 you'd rest assured I wouldn't be distracted. Or tired.
She picked up her champagne glass and said charmingly, "Here's to a mutually satisfying relationship!"
John looked out the window. "Hmm....there goes an SUV just like the one my wife drives. Sure is chirping the tires around the corner, too. Glad she doesn't drive like that. I know she's home with the kids."
Pat said to herself, a housewife. Before too long, a FRUMPY, GRUMPY housewife. She turned to John and said brightly, "So....let's order!"


EARLY!............by Coralynn

"Oh my God, look!" Holly yells at Tiffany as the other woman comes out of the bathroom wiping her hands on a towel.
"What?" Tiffany rushes to the window Holly is looking out, then jumps up and grabs her coat, "The mail is early! I've gotta get over to the office now!"
Holly has no time to get off a reply as Tiffany is out the door and Hol can see her running toward the office, then see her disappearing within.

Tiffany decides to pretend to be interested in the postings on the community corkboard and walks straight to it, trying not to look at Ms. Young, who has just been handed a pile of mail. But, having superior peripheral vision, she still can keep track of what the other woman is doing over at her desk.
Tiffany fingers several notices for babysitting, one for yoga instruction, and sees Ms. Young opening up the mail with a letter opener, slitting them all quickly, then putting them back into a pile to go through one by one.
Ms. Young looks up and asks, "Can I help you?"
Tiffany about jumps out of her skin as she hadn't considered Ms. Young might want to engage her in conversation. "No, I'm just looking at all the interesting services the tenants are advertising. My goodness, there is even someone who will walk your dog or dogs for $16.00 an hour. I wonder why 16, why not 15, why not 20, but no, it's 16. Odd, most odd." She rambles on nervously, then forces herself to stop, as Ms. Young has tuned her out and is now engrossed in looking at the mail.
Tiffany doesn't see any unusual reaction out of the other woman as Ms. Young opens the first ten envelopes, spreading the sheets of mostly typed paper and a few contracts out on her desk, lying the envelopes atop each one, but that eleventh one.......
Ms. Young gasps as she reads it, then pauses looking stricken and unsure of what to do for a minute or so before she snatches up the phone and dials. She keeps her voice in a whisper, and shields her lips and the phone with one of her hands, but Tiffany hears, "Put him on...............yes, it is..................[tapping a pen on the desk in impatience]...... I got something you ought to see..............oh you can't?............a garden show? you're not interested in gardens! [her voice rises in volume, then subsides]..........to keep peace.............well, Sal, I think you'd better find time to get over here......................yes, a letter...............someone found out ...................of course I don't...................yes, quite a lot, actually....................are you going to drop over after the damned garden show?.............[she does a stage cry]............I'm so scared.............I count on you...................ok, that's better..................love ya too.............." she hangs up, then looks at Tiffany with a hard expression, "I should think you'd have had time to read those notices by now. What are you doing snooping around here?"
Tiffany realizes her little 'innocent' act doesn't look all that innocent and approaches Ms. Young's desk, saying mournfully, "My boyfriend broke up with me last night, Ms. Young. He's over at my condo right now taking away his toothbrush and shaving equipment. Have you ever had a broken heart? I am devastated; I can't bear to see him removing his belongings, that's why I'm over here right now."
Ms. Young looks sympathetic for all of ten seconds, then straightens and says coldly, "His toothbrush and shaving equipment? Hell, how long would that take? Get a grip!" she then stuffs the letter in her handbag, gets her coat and slams out of the office.
Tiffany doesn't know if her tale of woe was convincing or not, but also leaves, running back to the condo. Holly lets her in and asks, "Did she get it? Did she get it?"
"She got it alright, and she made a S.O.S. call to olde Salvatore to come over after he attends his wife's garden show. That oughta make it about ohhhhhhhhhh, how long would a garden show last?"
"It could last into the evening if it's inside one of those arenas," Holly speculates.
"Even so, I say that about 11 pm we snoop around and see if olde Sal is 'on the premises...."
"We could phone Angela Barzini and she could catch them in the act!" Holly's face lights up.
"NO! We are not getting that woman involved in this, I thought I made that clear."
"Alright," Holly concedes, but wonders how she could do it.............somehow................


CONFRONTATION.....by Terri

Angela Barzini watched from the window as Rosamond threw her SUV in reverse and burned out of the parking lot, running over a hedge and narrowly missing a sign. Slim, Moose and Rafe picked themselves up off the office floor. Daniel yelled at them, "WHAT'S WRONG? YOU GUYS NEVER HEARD THE ADAGE, 'HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN PISSED OFF'?"
Rafe said sheepishly, "Sorry! We've just never seen Rosamond raise her voice before."
Moose said, "Yeah, it was kind of interesting."
Daniel pointed in the direction of the fitness center and yelled, "OUT! ALL OF YOU! BACK TO WORK, YOU SCABROUS DOGS!"
Slim said, "What did he call us?"
Moose said, "It's from Pirates of the Caribbean. You know how Daniel liked that movie."

Daniel slammed the door to the office. Angela watched the rest of them go back to their various duties. She knocked on the office door.
"YEAH? IF YOU KNOW WHAT IS GOOD FOR YOU, YOU'LL GO AWAY!" came the reply from beyond the door.
Angela opened the door. Daniel was sitting in the chair, trying to boot up the computer.
She said, "We need to talk, you pond-scum."
Daniel said coldly, "I told you, we have nothing to talk about. It's over, Angela."
She sat down and said, "I think not, loverboy! No one takes Angela Barzini for a buggy ride and then dumps her! Not after all we have meant to each other, you two-timing bottom-dweller!"
Daniel turned to her and said,."Meant to each other?"
Angela slammed down her fist. "HOW DARE YOU CHEAT ON ME WITH YOUR WIFE!"
Daniel looked at her incredulously and said, "Wife?"
Angela said, "Oh, you thought you were being clever, didn't you? Looks like your cheating, ho-doggin' days are catching up with you!"
Daniel opened his mouth to speak but Angela held her hand up.
"No need to deny it, you swine! I heard Blondie read you the riot act! Looks like she's going to be kicking your ass out of hearth and home, sweetie! I saw your fancy house, your 2.5 kids and your dogs. I'll bet you even have a barbeque in the back and a framed wedding picture of you and your sweet little wife on your dresser! The refridgerator will be covered with magnets and school work and drawings! I'll bet the little wife has fresh flowers and serves two different kinds of vegetables for dinner, too! YOU RAT! Does she know what a cheating bastard you are?"
Daniel sat there in shock. She thinks I am married! She must have seen me talking to Rose! Holy *&^! What a break! This is my way out!
He said, "OK, so now you know! Yes, I am married. I've been married for the past---" he did some mental math on Will's age "----seven years. And yes, she knows about it. Rose knows I have a roving eye and is willing to accept it. Because she is so besotted and in love with me. She wouldn't leave me and she would never consent to a divorce. She just turns the other way. So don't get any big ideas on telling her or blackmailing me because it won't work!"
Daniel congratulated himself on such a wonderful fib. Not only am I getting rid of her, I am getting even with Rosamond for railing on me. I made it look like she was so in love with me that she couldn't live without me!
Angela stood up to leave. "I shall make you so wish you never messed with me, Daniel Gwinnett! You and your little dog, too!"
She slammed the door to the office. Daniel sat there with his head in his hands. What was that about a little dog? Sounds like that movie Will watches...Wizard of...something. Maybe now that she got it out of her system, I won't have to deal with it anymore. Then he began to think. There's no way she would talk to Rose about this, would she? Naw....
He congratulated himself on a break-up well done.


WILLIAM'S PLIGHT...........by Coralynn

William arrives at the electronics store with the boxes containing all three of the refurbished computers he had purchased but hours before. He loads them onto a dolly and pushes it into the store, up to the Customer Services desk.
The wizened man working the desk peers at him over his spectacles and enquires, "May I help you?"
"Yes, you most certainly may," William begins, "I purchased three refurbished computers earlier today and all three are defective, so I'm returning them."
"Have you the sales slip?" the man asks in a distinterested tone.
"Yes," William slaps the sales receipt on the counter.
"I'll need to see identification..."
William fishes around in all his pockets, then realizes he left his wallet at home, "I left it at home, but these were puchased here, so that's all you need to know!"
"They could be stolen, sir. We have to make sure that the person returning merchandise is the same person who purchased it."
"Let me speak with the manager!" William is annoyed.
The clerk disappears for about ten minutes, during which time William becomes more agitated, and when the fat, balding man appears, tells him "These computers were purchased at this store. I'm returning them because all three were defective."
"And you have no identification with you, is that correct?"
"I have it at home along with the useless manual that came with this one here," William points to the boxes on the top of the pile.
"What seems to be wrong with them? Our store does an excellent job of refurbishing computers, making them every bit as useful and efficient as the ones straight from the manufacturer."
"The first one only got Seinfeld reruns, the second one played old radio shows and the third on was stuck on a website for the Santa Anita racetrack."
The fat balding man frowns, "That cannot be. Our store does an excellent job of...."
"Obviously not!" William insists.
"Sir, without identification...."
"Without a identification what?"
"We are unable to give you a refund. However, you may get store credit which you can use to purchase replacement computers."
"And get three others that don't work?"
"That or a new one."
"A new one," William hadn't considered that possibility in his quest for a bargain.
"Yes. A new one. People come in here every day and buy new ones."
"I can get store credit, but not a refund? That's outrageous!" William goes on the offensive.
"That's our store policy!" the fat balding man says the word most apt to throw William into almost uncontrollable anger.
"POLICY?!"
"That's right."
"I don't want to buy anything more from this store, not ever! Policy? I'll.....I'll contact Channel 4 and get them on the case. You know, 'channel 4 On Your Side?'"
The fat balding man blanches at the mention of the bulldog reporter who advocates for consumers and can make any store look bad, which is disastrous for business. He pauses and thinks it over, then finally smiles and tells William, "I can make an exception in your case, but this is highly irregular."
Williams sees he's made a coup and decides to at least pretend to be pleasant as he replies, "Thank you."
Within minutes William has a refund. He stuffs the refund check into his pocket and leaves the store, heading for the bank as he's left his wallet on the top of the bureau in his room which makes it impossible for him to write out a check or put anything on his Visa card.
When he arrives at the bank, it's closed. He looks around for the reason why and sees a small card in the window stating "Closed for Deepavali."
"Closed for what?!" he yells to the inside of his car, "whoever heard of Deepavali?"
By now he's so frustrated and exhausted he heads homeward, knowing the reception he'll receive from Celeste will be anything but friendly.


IN THE DOGHOUSE.....by Terri

"Now THAT is what I call Italian food!" John said. "I don't think I could stuff anything else! That lasagna was terrific!"
Pat McMahon raised her eyebrows and said, "What? No tiramisu?"
John shook his head. "If I take one more bite, I'll explode! Besides, I have to get back to work now. Someone has to pay for that 30,000.00 acquisition."
John pulled the chair out for her and helped her on with her coat. Such a gentleman, Pat thought. This one is something rare.
He held Pat's door open for her and then went to the other side. As they drove back to the fitness center, they made small talk.
Pat parked the car and said, "I need to pick up my briefcase. I left it in your office."

Slim, Moose and Rafe nudged each other as Pat and John walked in.
They heard Pat say, "The machines should be here in about 3-4 weeks. We will arrange installation and training for your staff on each machine."
John handed her the briefcase and walked her to the front door. "That works out fine as I wanted to do a bit of renovation along the west wall. We want to enlarge the aerobics room."
Pat said, "Here's my private number. Call me if you need...anything! Anything at all!"
She reached up, pulled John's face close to hers and gave him a good-bye kiss.
On the lips. She pulled away, looked deep into his eyes and whispered, "Anything."
She kissed her fingers to him, gave a little finger-wave and walked out.
John stood there for a minute not quite knowing what to do or what just happened. He turned around and Slim, Rafe and Moose made exaggerated gestures of being pre-occupied with work. From behind him, he heard, "OK, brother, I think we need to talk."
Daniel motioned him into the office. John followed and shut the door. Slim, Rafe and Moose headed in the direction of the office to do what they did best. After all, three sets of ears are better than one!

"Just what the heck is going on?" Daniel spouted.
John was taken aback. "What are you talking about?"
"You. Lunch. With Ms. Spandex."
John retorted, "If it is any of your business, I just bought some new machines and she took me to lunch."
"To show her appreciation?"
John ignored that. "And your point is..what, Daniel?"
Daniel said, "The point is your pretty little wife stopped by to kidnap you for lunch. But you were not here. Why? Because you already had a luncheon engagement!"
John asked, "Did she find out where I was?"
"Yes, she did."
John was silent a minute. "So what did she say?"
Daniel said, "Let me put it this way. I think you'd better tell Jake to vacate his property because I'll put money on it that you will be calling Jake 'bunkie'!"


ROGER COMES HOME.........by Coralynn

Bethia, Eleanor and Jerry enter Roger's hospital room, smiling broadly, trying to exude confidence they don't feel, "Hey, old man," Jerry greets his friend, "Time to go home! Time to get out of this place!"
"It is a bit boring in here," Roger agrees, then looks at Beth and asks, "I assume we're going to the house you told me we both live in."
"Yes. You, me and the twins," she manages to remind him that they have children.
"We have to wait for an orderly or somebody...." Roger explains as a man with a big sign saying "Volunteer" walks into the room.
Eleanor, who is very 'up' on movies and TV, does a double take and exclaims, "Aren't you Chevy Chase? Clark Griswold?"
He laughs, "You caught me!"
"But why are you working in this hospital?" she asks.
"Doing research for an upcoming movie in which Clark Griswold goes to med school!" he tells her, "but no one is supposed to know about it.....yet. It's just between you and me!"
"I won't tell! What'll the title be, 'Medical Vacation'?"
"How'd you guess?" then turning to the patient, "I'm to put you into this wheel chair. Everyone leaves the hospital in one of these even if their malady is an infected toenail! Go figure!"
Roger sits in the chair as Chevy hands him his belongings. "Don't forget this!" he grabs the bedpan and, in sweeping it around from it's perch atop the night stand to Roger, it bangs Rog in the head.
"OUCH!" Roger reacts.
"Uh-oh. Are you ok?" Chevy feels like he's really done it this time!
Roger's left hand goes to his head, then he looks around at everyone and exclaims, "Beth! I remember you now! I remember our twins, and I remember our house! I remember our wedding...."
Beth rushes over and hugs him, pulling him out of the chair into a standing position.
Chevy is confused, not being up to snuff on each patient, "What just happened here?"
Jerry answers, "It appears that your bonking Roger on the head with the bedpan jarred his memory back to normal. He had a serious accident a few weeks ago which impacted his head severely and caused a memory loss. He only remembered his life up till when we were in college. That's all he remembered, nothing after. Now he appears to have his more recent memory back. You're a hero, Chevy!"
Beth and Roger are still hugging, tears running down both their faces.
"You won't tell anybody, though, will you?" Chevy is worried.
"We'll have to tell his doctors," Jerry states, "as they'll want to know how he regained his memory."
"I mean, just don't notify the papers," Chevy begs.
"We won't," Eleanor assures him as the four walk out of the room together. Chevy runs after them with the wheel chair, calling "You still have to sit in this!" but it's too late; they're on the elevator and are soon seen exiting the building.