CELEBRATIONS
Rosamond and John's flight landed in San Francisco with no problem. They walked hand in hand off the plane. They had slipped away from Fiji a day early to spend the day and night in San Francisco.
Wanda Sue wandered into the kitchen. Hmm..let's see, what do single--or kind of sinle--guys like to munch on...let's check the fridge. Beer---lots and lots of beer here...imported stuff, too...and Mountain Dew! NOW we're talkin'! Wonder if there are any Moon Pies around...look at the jalapeno peppers. Yeah, Bobby Joe always fancied himself a cook, although he did make a mean pot of chili when we were teenagers. Used to bring it out for the bonfires at that beach in Corpus Christi. Bet Babydoll #2 couldn't handle that! Sure would like to get her in a mudpit at one of those bars. Yeah, I'd smoosh her face in that mud--like pudding for the tart...or would that be custard? Custard tart? Do they have that? Who cares, anyways. She's not such a tough chick. Too delicate. Didn't she almost lose that baby, I hear? Yeah, what was it, stress? Too many social engagements, so little time...so many social affairs...
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and
MYSTERIES
PEOPLE----PEOPLE WHO READ PEOPLE....by Terri
"So have you enjoyed your honeymoon so far, sweetheart?" John asked her.
"Mmmmm...and more! And look! We DID get tans!"
"That scuba diving was unreal! I can't believe how clear the water was. Three years ago I never even dreamed there WAS such a thing as scuba diving!"
"I can't wait to see everyone. I missed the children so much! Who would have thought I would turn so maternal?"
"Next week I want to see about adopting Will. I mean, there's no use to his being William de Clifford, is there? And certainly Henry can't object, he's been dead--kind of--for over eight centuries. And if he did, who cares?"
"Will has had quite a few adjustments in the past three years. I think he scarcely remembers Henry now--thank goodness! But yes, I agree. He needs to feel like he is part of this family."
"I wonder how Bethia's title search went."
"You never were too forthcoming on what was going on. Is there a problem with previous owners? Was the title not clear?"
"The title was clear but a previous owner is giving them trouble. I may as well tell you. Bethia thinks the house is haunted."
"NO!"
"Yep, she didn't give me many details."
"Ooooh, I can't wait to go home and hear them!"
"Home? Home for the next three months willl be with William. Think he will still give me disapproving looks coming out of your room?" John laughed.
"He should be grateful we're moving out. My room will be free and clear and yours already is. He can bring back more timetravelers. Weird thing--I thought I saw Isabella at our wedding. We used to call her the She-Wolf behind her back. If she wasn't so skinny, Henry Tudor may have tried to sire a child with her instead of picking me. Then it might be Isabella here with you instead of me.."
John silenced her with a kiss. "But you wouldn't have liked her," Rose laughed. "Twiggy-like and pale. She always coveted what was mine."
John said, "If she's still around, maybe you can fix her up with Montgomery!"
Rose laughed. "That will be the day!"
Rose and John checked into their room in San Francisco. They had an awesome view of the bay and the Golden Gate Bridge.
"What do you want to do, honey?" Rose said. "Apart from the obvious!"
"Let's go to Chinatown for some Chinese Food and let's just walk around."
They took a quick shower and changed their clothes. As they walked around, they passed a little newstand. On the front rack was the current copy of People magazine which just came out. "Oh, look! John, can you believe this? We made the front cover!"
Rosamond picked up the magazine. "Let's get it--I can't wait to see what pictures they used! We haven't even seen our wedding pictures yet. I hope they did a nice job."
John bought two copies, one for each of them. The newsvendor looked at them strangely. John said, "It's my brother who got married. He's the big soap star, John Gwinnett." The vendor looked quizzically at Rosamond. Rose laughed and shrugged.
"Yes, it looks like the brother's have the same taste in women. He married his co-star Rosamond de Clifford. It was a wonderful wedding!"
The vendor squinted his eyes. "She sure looks like you!" Rose blushed and said,
"Oh, no! Miss de Clifford is so much prettier than I am!"
John grabbed her hand and dragged her away and said, "Come on, Eulalia! We've got to go." "Allright, Sanford!" To the vendor she said, "Thank you! I know cousin John and Rose would be pleased!"
They sat at a table and ate chop suey and pea pods. Over fortune cookies they opened their magazine. Rose looked at the pictures. "OH, look! There's a good one of us! Wow! I didn't realize the train on my gown was so huge! What a wonderful job they did on the candlelight."
John flipped over the page. "The reception and us cutting the cake. Patrick handled the pictures just fine. Not a bad one in the bunch!" He started to read the text.
"OK-let's see what they say--'Hollywood and the Big Apple love romance both on and off-screen. And what makes romance more fun than a wedding that combines all the elements? Romance, fun, passion--and when celebrity co-stars find love in real life, it doubles the fun. That is what was playing in technicolor at the evening wedding nuptials at As The Planet Turns' biggest stars. Rosamond de Clifford, 22, who plays Daisy, has found true love with her co-star, John Gwinnett, 30, the soap's character, Brad. The couple were wed on a crisp autumn night on October 4th at a quaint Chapel on the River in Hastings-on-Hudson in New York. According to Marty Henshaw, last year's Hottest Couple met on the soap three years ago. Henshaw said, 'There always was sparks flying when those two played their scenes. They just forgot to leave their work at the studio. I always said, those two had enough chemistry to blow up a middle school science lab.'
The bride was resplendent in a satin silk gown with an overlay of chiffon with just the tiniest hint of lavender. The bodice was lined chiffon and the back had open lacework to the waist. French lace formed a ruffle on the majestic train. The veil was held with a thin circle of seeded pearls and trailed to the end of the train. Miss de Clifford carried a bouquet of white roses, baby's breath and yellow daffodils." (see photo, right)
Rosamond said, "So far, so good." She took the magazine out of John's hands and picked up where he left off.
"Gwen Madison, Emmy-award winning costumer, was in charge of the make-up.
Mr. Gwinnett wore a black tux. The somber moment of the processional was broken up by the mile-wide grins of the bride and groom and the sobbing of William the Conquering Chef who gave the bride away." (see photo, far right).
Rose groaned, "Oh, William is going to love THIS one! A picture of him blubbering? Didn't we agree NO MEDIA? How did they get all the details?"
John shrugged. "Who knows? Seems like there was a spy among us."
John took the magazine out of Rosamond's hand and continued to read, "The magic of the moment was captured by candlelight. The bride and groom were pronounced husband and wife. The newly wedded couple stood there as if they couldn't believe they were married until the minister good-humouredly reminded the groom that he may now kiss his new missus. The reception was held following the service at the hall next door." (see photo to left) The scene.."
John left off talking. Rosamond stopped opening up her fortune cookies and said, "....
the scene...what? what?..."
John looked up at Rosamond. "..they just go on and on about the reception, you know, the food, the music.." He closed the magazine.
Before John could stop her, Rosamond ripped the magazine out of John's hands. She flipped to the page and started reading, "....the scene of the wedding changed when Miss de Clifford's---now Mrs. Gwinnett's--or should we say Mrs. Montgomery's--presumed dead husband showed up at the reception to the shock of everyone involved. The millionaire horse breeder and rancher was presumed dead when a bullet was fired into a man fitting Mr. Montgomery's description and driving his Mercedes.
The shooting in July was revealed to be a professional hit of a Mr. Randy Griswold of Bethesda, Maryland. To the shock of the now radiant Rosamond GWINNETT, the ex-husband accused her publicly of cheating on him during their brief marriage, accusations that were hurled at a previous wedding Mrs. Gwinnett was attending."
John kept trying to grab the magazine out of her hands. She turned out of his reach and continued to read aloud. "Two mystery women appeared, one claiming to be the rightful Mrs. Montgomery and the other, a rail-thin unmemorable waif of a woman who plastered herself to Mr. Montgomery. Mr. Montgomery was escorted bodily out of the reception by two bodyguards. As a parting shot, the baby that Mrs. Gwinnett delivered in April was declared not to be Mr. Montgomery's as to which he tried to reason with the new bride, 'But I love you.'
The reception continued as planned..."
Rose read in a dull, flat voice as if not believing what she was reading.
She looked up at John with pain-filled eyes and whispered, "Will it never end, John?"
John reached to touch her hand. "What, darling?"
"Everything. Is there such a thing as a normal life?"
"No, there isn't. There's just....life."
John took the magazine gently out of her hands. "The last line reads, 'Mr. Montgomery is unavailable for comment as he is in Texas at the moment.'"
John tried to put on a cheerful front. "Let's go walk the wharf and tomorrow we fly home."
Rose tried to smile,. "Home. Yes, let's go home, John!"
GARLIC & CLOVES & HEMLOCK, OH MY!!.....by Coralynn
"Oh good, Celeste! I'm so glad to see you. I'm always glad to see you, but especially now. Did you figure out a potion that would keep that pesky Sally Jennings ghost away from our house?"
"Indeed I did, girl! This concoction drives them away faster than anything! We can't have you getting upset, especially not in your condition. No one knows yet, is that right?"
"Just you, and Roger of course," Beth grins, "But everyone will be told at the welcome home dinner party for Rose and John."
"It'll be wonderful to have them home," Celeste nods, "but, let me tell you something before we do our 'blocking ceremony'.......this is about Sally Jennings, and I think you'll get a kick out of it. You know how we have Mary Stuart living with us?"
"Queen of Scots, right?"
"Right! Well, she decided to have high tea. She asked all of us if we had tea at 4pm and we said no, we're in America, not England. This confused her, as somehow she was under the impression that she was still in England. However, she's a crusty, stubborn woman, and when she thought someone new had come into the room, she ordered the 'wench' to serve her tea. She didn't look at the person; just felt that someone had entered. To Mary, everyone is her servant no matter how hard we disabuse her of the notion. OK, so she yells "Wench, serve me my tea!" and a saucer comes flying across the room at her and smacks her in the forehead. She screams to William to take her back to Court. William is laughing so hard she has to repeat it three times!"
"Was it Sally Jennings?"
"Sure was! Now, we have a problem with Sally, but having her clip Mary in the head with a saucer almost makes her popular around the big house. However, let us proceed with our blocking ceremony. Follow me outside, dear, and we'll sprinkle this concoction around the perimeter of your property, then we'll put another layer of it up next to the house."
"That's a huge jar of liquid!" Beth is amazed, "And it works, does it? I sure don't want any ghostly acitivties at our dinner party. Oh my, when Rose gets back she and John will be living in the big house for a few months. Hope the ghost doesn't scare her too badly."
As the women sprinkle the liquid around the yard, Celeste says, "I've figured out why she goes after some people and not others. You have to scare her right back. Eleanor went after her with a lance."
"You can't skewer a ghost with a lance...."
"It was her attitude that scared Sally away. Marilyn is also very tough with her, and she doesn't haunt Marilyn, either. But if you show fear you're a target."
"I showed a lot of fear, Celeste! What is it with her? She was even dragging chains around in the attic. How can a filmy ghost drag chains around? I have a body, and they're too heavy for me. She doesn't have a solid body!"
"She does it partially with her mind, dear. Levitates things, then lets them drop, the levitates them again......it's not easy, but she's a real pro."
"Why don't you scatter this concoction around the big house, too, Celeste?"
"I want her to work with us, and keeping her away with this blocking liquid would defeat the purpose. I need her to contact me and somehow we'll figure out how to convince her that it's futile to try to regain property when you're dead."
"She sure doesn't act like she's dead!" Beth exclaims, as the last few drops of liquid are deposited around the basement walls.
"There! That'll keep her away!" Celeste smiles and puts her arm around Beth, "So you can sleep peacefully from now on. How is Roger reacting to all this?"
"He says he knew we were a little weird when he married me, and now, he says, he knows how right he was. But he smiles while he says it!"
THE HOMECOMING.......by Terri
"Hey, we're home!" John yelled as they walked in the door.
"MOMMY! UNCLE JOHN!" Will ran and flung himself into Rosamond's arms. "I'm so glad you are home!"
Rosamond hugged Will tightly. "Oh, Sweetie! I missed you so much! Did you take care of Julie while I was gone?"
"Yes, Mommy--she's almost standing now, but she keeps falling over! So I put a pillow next to her and she tried to pull herself up on it! Grandma Celeste said she'll stand up when she's good and ready. She said Julie is a....what did she say? 'a determined young lady'...and I told her no, she's just a baby!"
Celeste came in to the kitchen with Julie on her hip. "And that she is!" Celeste beamed. She kissed Rosamond and John. "I am so glad you are back safe and sound. And FINALLY MARRIED! Children, that was such a wonderful wedding! I couldn't be happier--or prouder!"
Will tugged on John's shirt. "Uncle John? I want to show you what I found by Poppy William's roses..."
John got down to Will's level. "Will, isn't it about time you called me 'Daddy' or 'Dad'?"
Will grinned from ear to ear. "Really? I can really call you Daddy now?" John rumpled his hair. "Yes, Will--you may now officially call me Daddy!"
"Did I hear familiar voices?" a big voice boomed out as the owner of it came in from outside, covered with dirt and wearing gardening gloves.
"WILLIAM!" Rosamond rushed over and hugged and kissed him. William hugged her tightly. "Ahh...my little girl is back safe and sound!"
Rosamond stepped back and looked at him. "Well? Do I look any different?" John could barely contain his laughter. William blustered, "I'm sure I don't know what you mean, Miss--Mrs. Gwinnett!"
Rose faked a disappointed look on her face. "Oh! I thought it would take a week to pry the smile off my face!" Celeste started laughing. "Yes, you two are just glowing--but it could be the suntans you have!"
John picked up their luggage. "I'll take this up to our room. OUR room, William! Get it?" He laughed. William tried to assimilate it. "Yes, yes, by all means..go!"
William turned crimson. "Am I that much of a prude, Celeste?" Celeste laughed and said, "Yes, William--and we wouldn't have it any other way!"
Celeste and Rose sat in the kitchen with their tea. listening to Will and Rose was hugging her baby. Julie smiled and laughed and pulled on her hair. Rose said, "Oh, Celeste, I never dreamed I could be so content! Wonderful children, a perfect husband, a new--well, sort of new--house." She sighed. "A year ago my life was such a mess. I have a man who totally accepts and understands me!"
John came downstairs and sought William out.
William was in the yard, pruning his rose bushes. "Those things really came back to life!" John said.
William snorted. "Came back to life? John, my boy, you can't reanimate dead tissue! I am NOT Frankenstein! No, when Rose ran over them, and then burned out, they became moot! These are the replacement shrubs. I'm pruning them and getting ready to put them to bed for the winter."
John laughed, "What did you do, put those things that shred tires if you go in the wrong direction?"
William just smiled cryptically.
John said, "You didn't....did you?"
William ignored the question. "You and Rose certainly look.."
"Satisfied?" John tried to keep from laughing but it was so much fun making the Big Guy blush.
William looked red-faced. He stopped and mopped his face with his bandana. "I take it you didn't come out to ask me about the roses."
John hopped up on the fence. "No, I didnt'. I wanted to ask you without Rose being here. What happened after we left the reception? With Montgomery?"
William took a long drink on his Gatorade. "Rafe and Hotspur offered him involuntary lodging in Henry's dungeon. We waited until you both were on the way to the Plaza before we let him out. Rafe took him and that Wanda Sue.."
"Wanda Sue? Aka Susan Hemingway?"
"Yep--she was with Isabella of all people. Seems 'Susan' got hold of an amulet and had been bopping back and forth between Paris, harrassing Montgomery and making mischief here. Isabella must have outlived her usefulness because she wanted to go back to Court. So I took her there. Henry was livid, seems Rose sent him a wedding invitation...."
John burst out laughing. "NO! That little minx!"
"Yes, she did. Then Henry convinced us to bring Mary Queen of Scots back. What a pain. And a mistake! She's in your old room and she's probably not going to last the rest of the week. Anyway, Montgomery and Wanda Sue were driven to their respective cars and dumped there. Rafe said Montgomery was pretty quiet, just the usual 'how could she do this to me?' whine. And I haven't seen hide nor hair of him since."
"Thanks, William, for everything. I'll never forget it."
"John, you two are like my kids. I couldn't be happier over this match than if I had arranged it myself."
John smiled, "Didn't you?" and started towards the house.
William called out. "John?"
"Yes, William?"
"How long are you staying?"
"As long as it takes Rose to get the house the way she wants it."
William smiled back. "Could be a long time, then! I'm glad! Oh, and John?"
"Yes?"
"I like that jacket. Where did you get it?"
"I don't really know where it came from. Rose handed it to me and said, 'Here. You want this?'"
John went back in the house and grabbed a chair, turned it backwards and sat down. Will looked up at him with admiration in his eyes. Finally! Uncle John is my daddy!
Jake and the new puppy, Chloe, followed Will everywhere, as he got up to play outside. The three adults chatted about how nice Fiji was.
"Hey, we're home!' Eleanor and Jerry came in, lugging their golfbags.
"ROSE! JOHN! Oh, I'm so glad you are home!" El threw down her bags, stripped the golf gloves off her hands and hugged them both fiercely. Rose hugged her back tightly. "El, when did you ever take up golf?" "Since this guy plays every week and if I want to be with him, I either learn or sit home!" "El, you've never sat home in your life!"
"Actually, I love it! And the teacher is mighty good-looking, too!"
John and Jerry were in the fridge, opening up a beer. John said, "How is the renovations on our house coming, Jerry? Has Murph had to call you?"
"We just went over a few things, like getting the survey so he could get the permits. Just paperwork. The kitchen is torn out. I think Murph was going to try to sell some of the stuff to a salvage place. Some people actually LIKE that '50's stuff!"
Rose hugged Jerry hello. "Thanks for all you did taking care of the details while we were away!"
"Hey, Rose--no problem! If it wasn't for you up for that award that night, I never would have met this lovely lady. And for that, I kiss your hand!"
John took Julie from Rose. Julie laughed, grabbed John's nose and said. "Da! Da!"
John looked shocked. "Did you hear that? Did you hear that?" He was bursting with pride. "Rose! She called me 'DA'!" Rose laughed. "Then I guess it's official, she's recognized you as 'daddy'!"
El said, "Maybe she was waiting for the DNA test to come back!" Everyone laughed.
John kicked back, put his feet up on the next chair and said, "It doesn't get any better than this, does it? My woman, my kids and the dogs!" He kissed Julie on the nose and she giggled.
Rose stood there and smiled contentedly. She said to herself, Yep, I've got it all!
My kids, my friends and the love of my life! Please, God...don't let me mess it up! And if John wants twelve kids, so be it...wait! What am I saying?
But as she looked at the delight on John's face, she thought, whatever makes him happy.....I'll move heaven and earth for that man. I'm in love....for the last time in my life.
CONGRATULATIONS ARE IN ORDER.....by Coralynn
William touches down, "Ahhhh, it was good to be back at Court, if only for 30 seconds!" he announces jovially, "I left Mary out in the yard in front of the castle. Let her explain to them how she got that dent in her forehead!"
Celeste gives him a playful punch, "Ahhhh, you're a bad-'un, you are!"
"Is everyone ready to go over to Beth and Rogers?" Eleanor asks as she slips on a jacket.
"Let's go!" they hear Rose sing out as she and John come down the stairs.
"Will there be cameras there?" Bess asks Marthy, who shruggs that she doesn't know.
"At last, a party with no media present," William says happily. "But, Celeste, what are we going to do with our resident ghost?"
Celeste and Marilyn exchange glances, and she answers, "Leave that to me."
Some of the fellows living on their own are there as well. "I'm starved!" Hotspur grumbles, "Does she know how to cook?"
Rafe answers, "Hotspur, you will never win any blue ribbons with that attitude. You have to appreciate what another person does and not be demanding and critical...."
"Yes, Dr. Phil!" Slim jokes, "We'll be as nice as can be, which for me will be easy, but for you, Hots, I dunno. Just keep your mouth shut, old bud!"
Henry8 comes tromping in the back door, "I say there, is there a feast about to be served?"
They laugh as he rubs his tummy, "I've lost 35 pounds, I can feast one night, can't I, William?"
"I've lost 50, Henry, just remember that if you gorge yourself and gain back what you've lost. I look like a shoo-in to win the contest."
As the group leaves the house and walks down the street, then crosses it to Beth and Roger's house, Celeste and Marilyn and Eleanor walk more slowly so that they lag behind by 20 feet or more.
"Is she with us?" Marilyn whispers to Celeste.
Celeste nods her head. They keep walking. As they reach the edge of the yard, however, a screeech goes up. Celeste laughs, "It worked. She can't go past the blockage I put down. I think our dinner will be uninterrupted by any ghostly manifestations."
"Good work!" Eleanor congratulates her.
Beth and Roger greet them at the door with "Come in!" and "Welcome to our first dinner party!"
William pretends to glower, "Ya better not have any reporters lurking around!"
Rose and Beth go into the kitchen to chat some more, and bring out the dinner.
"Marriage must agree with you, Beth. You even look better; more filled out. You were kind of skinny before!"
Beth laughs louder and longer than Rose thought the comment warranted, but is too busy carrying in food to the large table to investigate further.
Beth and Roger had put every leaf they could find into the table, as the group is large. When they are all seated, Beth stands and announces a toast,
"Welcome home, Rose and John. Live long and prosper!"
Everyone drinks to that.
Celeste looks at Beth with a go-ahead signal in her expression.
"And now the news we've been waiting to announce. We are overjoyed to announce........that in May......" she looks at Roger and laughs, "YOU tell them!"
"It's a baby!" Marilyn yells out, "I know it! A baby!"
Roger smiles at her, "Thanks for letting me make the announcement, Marilyn. No, seriously, we are going to have a baby in May. We've been waiting to tell you .....we wanted Rose and John to be back from their honeymoon when we did...."
"But you must have known at our wedding!" Rose exclaims, "You didn't say a word!"
"It was your time to shine, Rose," Beth says kindly, "And we felt all the attention should be on you. But, of course, Mama Celeste guessed it."
"But she's psyhic!" John calls out, "Of couse she knew."
"And," Marilyn whispers loudly in a conspiratorial tone, "Celeste is keeping our ghost away from the party. William, if you think the media can be a pain, you can imagine what havoc Sally Jennings would do at our dinner party. Celeste sprinkled the perimiter of the house with a blocking liquid. Sal...."
Jerry interrupts, "Sally Jennings? Of the Jennings clan that lived in these parts back in the early 1720s and 30s?"
"Yes, " Marilyn answers.
"I have the history of that family in a book I own. I descend from her brother Jonathan! If this is the right person, that is. Wow, now I'm really curious!"
Eleanor doesn't want Jerry to swing the conversation too far from the happy newleyweds and the happy parents-to-be, so she tells him, "Tomorrow I'll come over and we can look at the book, maybe bring it back to the big house for Celeste and Marilyn to see, also." Then says in a louder voice, "Right now, sisters of my heart, I congratulate you both!"
"HERE! HERE!" everyone stands and raises a glass.
WandaSue MEETS HER MATCH...........by Coralynn
Wanda Sue sits in her apartment in Pleasantville, stewing. Billy Bob is obviously not home; whenever she phones she gets that insipid voice annoucing a bread and breakfast.
I need his cellphone number, but he obviously didn't give that to me. ME, his lawfully wedded wife! So where is he? And, while we're at it, whatever became of Isabelle? Did those morons over in the big house on Winding Willow take her back to Court? They must have. Now who am I going to talk to? Slim has defected. He's all buddy chum now with the rich, snooty gang Rosebud hangs with. Slim, of all people!! Ya can't find no loyalty these days, she ruminates, no class! whatever happened to class anyway?
Time to take a little ride, babydoll......go over and see what's shakin' at the digs on Winding Willow. It's dark out. They won't spot my car slowly driving by....maybe parking.....maybe me getting out planting a stink bomb on the doorstep, ringing the bell, then running like hell. I am so restless........gotta get out of here!
She gets in her car and appreciates the soft purring sound the engine makes when it's turned on. Some difference between this baby and that piece of junk I was driving when I first hit town. All thanks to Billy Bob Montgomery and his momentary lapse in judgment......I had him scared all right! Well, I can live a good long time on that million! I don't eat out in a lot of fancy restaurants........BurgerKing is as good a greasy spoon as any place that charges 10 times the price.
She turns on her car radio to a rap station. That drives her up the wall. She finds a country western station and sings along with the music. She wails and her voice swoops just under the pitch so she sounds like the person on the radio.
Traffic is light, and before long she's driving slowly down Winding Willow. Hmmmmm, doesn't seem to be a lot going on at the big house. Just a couple lamps burning. Let's see, didn't I hear that the others were living on the street, too, the ones who got married a few months ago plus Rosebud and the jackass stupid enough to marry that piece of trash?? At the rate they're going, this street will be a Compound, sorta like Waco, or the Kennedy compound in MA or the one somebody-or-other Bush has at Kennebunkport.
Wonder if these idiots will stash weapons? Will the FBI storm the place? What a pleasant thought! Nawwwww, these people think they're high class; they'd never do that.
Just a minute! That house down the street and across it is lit up like a Christmas tree. Could they be having a party? Oooooo. I'd better park my car over here, though. Yeah, then I'll walk over there and peek in the windows.
WandaSue parks and gets out. As she does, she is suddenly hit from behind. She falls on someone's lawn, not unconscious, but not very happy, either. Who did that?
"Who the hell hit me?" she asks the empty street.......but no one is there.
"Come out with your dukes up!" she yells a challenge.
The hair on her head begins to tingle as someone or something has hold of her from behind, and she's suddenly cold to the bone. She whirls around but sees nothing but.......but.....is that a cloud? A cloud only here behind me? What is a cloud doing here?
With fear in her voice, she croaks out, "Who are you? Why are you doing this to me?"
"mmmmmmmmmmmmm" she hears.
"OH GOD," she says in panic, and runs toward the house with the lights on; the one that looks like it could be full of party-goers. She stumbles and falls a few times, and every time she does, she feels the cold, clammy cloud come over her.
She runs into the front yard of the lit house and suddenly hears a wail and scrreeeeeech come from the cold clammy cloud.
But it doesn't seem to be following her anymore. HUH, what is this? she sees the cloud standing on the sidewalk but unable to cross into the yard.
"Safe!" she thinks, "but I have to stay in this yard or that 'thing' will come after me again. I can't do that. If Rosebud and her snooty friends are inside having a party, they'll eventually come out and find me. That's all I need!"
Without a better plan, however, WandaSue does indeed stay seated on the lawn. She gets drowsy and lies down and falls asleep.
Sally Jennings gives up and goes back to the big house. That was fun, she thinks, but it's just something to do until one of these people comes up with a plan to restore my property to me. The more I run out of patience, the more people I haunt. I want justice! I want what's rightfully mine! I want.........
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?....by Coralynn
As the dinner guests leave Beth and Roger's house, Celeste spies someone lying in the front yard, as does Marilyn.
They rush over to see who it could be, hoping it isn't a homicide or something else that will get them headlines in the newspaper.
Celeste looks down at the sleeping form of WandaSue and shakes her head. Reaching down, she pats the woman on the arm and says, "Time to wake up, sleeping beauty!"
WandaSue awakens with a start, and, looking up, sees Celeste and Marilyn peering down at her. By this time several others are also clustered around.
Ohhh no, my worst fears are coming true! she thinks, The snooty gang has found me. I'm in real trouble now!
"Did the ghost chase you into the yard?" Celeste asks.
"How....how did you know?" WandaSue sits, then stands with assistance.
"What were you doing around here anyway?" Marilyn asks sharply.
"Must have gotten lost...." WandaSue knows this is a weak answer, but the only one she can think up fast.
Celeste takes her arm and leads her to the sidewalk, then across the street. WandaSue is shaking with fear. "What was that? You said a ghost? Why do you have a ghost around here......cheaper than buying an attack dog?" WandaSue chuckles mirthlessly.
When they reach her car, Celeste helps her into it, then tells her in a firm voice, "You had best not come here anymore. I know you're up to no good, dear. The next time it could be something even more frightening, so please do stay away."
Chills run down WandaSue's spine as she grimmaces and replies, "No problem! You people are freakin' NUTS!" she turns on the car and quickly drives away.
Rose and John, standing behind Celeste, comment, "Good job, Celeste! Way to go!"
Celeste grins, "I think we've dispatched that trouble-maker, at least temporarily, but now I have to do some serious work on Sally Jennings. She is becoming a real menace."
Eleanor and Marilyn both ask in muted voices, "Let's do it, Celeste. Let's do it tonight!"
After everyone has retired for the night, Celeste, Eleanor and Marilyn gather around the crystal ball as Celeste commands, "Sally Jennings, I summon you."
Slowly the face appears in the ball. Sally has taken on a more fierce demeanor than previously. "What'd'ya want?" she snarls.
Gently, Celeste tells her, "Sally, it's time we did something to solve your problem. You are accosting strangers on the street. This is unacceptable, dear. If you keep it up, I'll have to bring in what we call 'the big guns'......you know how disastrous that would be, don't you?"
"Don't do it!" Sally is worried, "They'll send me away forever! Let me stay! I want my property back....."
"Now listen, Sally, you will have to accept the fact that the property you once owned is now owned and occupied by others. I can't help you if you insist on trying to drive Beth and Roger out of their house. I can help you to own other property, but not that one. You have to compromise. Do you know how to do that?"
"NO!"
"Then this session is over.."
"Wait! wait! I'll do it! I'll compromise! Don't send in the ghostbusters! No!"
"What date in time were you alive and healthy, Sally?"
"July 3, 1733,"
"That's what, several months before you died?"
"Yes. I died on Nov. 5, 1733; got typhoid fever."
"OK, then.......I'll see if we can time travel to July 3, 1733 and do a rescue. Now, you do realize, don't you, that if we appear in your life in July of that year, you won't remember being a ghost or contacting us through the crystal ball? None of this will be in your memory, because it hasn't happened yet. You may put up resistance. How do you think it best we approach the subject with the earlier Sally Jennings?"
The face in the crystal ball is pensive, "Tell the former me that you are the agents of one of my former uhhhhh, clients........and you have money for me. Don't ask any nosey questions about why these men left me money and jewels. If you do, the whole thing will fall apart. And if you think I'm going to tell you about my 'sordid' past, either now or as the former me, you can just forget the whole thing, sister, because I ain't talkin'!"
"Agreed!" Celeste says quickly, "So just relax and for the love of heaven, do not pull any more of those stupid stunts on anyone. Is it a deal?"
"Yeah, it's a deal."
"Goodnight, then."
"Goodnight."
The crystal ball goes dark and Celeste covers it with the cloth and turns to El and Marilyn, "Tomorrow we go on a rescue mission, girls! Are you up for it?"
"YES!" comes the reply.
"Then get some sleep. I doubt any of us will be haunted tonight. See you early in the morning."
As Eleanor and Marilyn leave the room, Celeste shakes her head and thinks, "I hope against hope that rescuing this woman isn't a terrible mistake!"
CLASS MY A - -......by Terri
Wanda Sue took the exit to Pleasantville. Those people are completely nuts! We are talking Addams family here. Billy Bob should be glad that Rosebud kissed him off.
What is that car behind me? Jackass is following way too close. I'll teach him a lesson! She slammed on the car brakes. Damn! That guy must have lightning reflexes. See how ya like this, buster! She slammed on them again. Again he stopped. He's gooooood! Don't see him now...must have got scared off! Good! Serves him right! She swung into her parking place, got her key out and unlocked her door, pushing it open. As she went to close it, the door came flying open.
"We need to talk."
Wanda Sue wedged her body against the door and pushed. "Oh, no, you don't, you Benedict Arnold!"
Slim grunted and heaved with all his might. Wanda Sue went flying against the wall.
Slim stepped in and closed the door. He turned the light on. Wanda Sue picked herself up from the floor. "Well, well, well, we finally meet face-to-face, James Wesley Skaggs!" she sneered.
Slim took her by the shoulders and slammed her down into a chair. "I think we need to talk, Wanda Sue."
"Talk then! Because I have nothing to say to you, brother of mine!"
"Wanda Sue, why are you doing this? Why are you hassling these people?"
Wanda Sue got that belligerent look on her face. The look Slim hated. The look she gave before she would decapitate Charlene's doll.
"Because."
"You have to do better than that, Wanda Sue. Because why?"
"Just---because."
"What has Rosamond and John ever done to you to make you hate them so much?"
Wanda Sue folded her arms and stuck her lower lip out.
"Why? What did she ever do to you? Slim says, I think you're jealous of her."
"Jealous? JEALOUS? Of that tramp? Listen, buster, she thinks she's better than me. Well, I got news for you. Rosebud is just like me. We are sisters under the skin. We like...a good time. But what makes me trailer trash and her Miss Hotsie-Totsie? Money. Lots and lots of money. Money and looks covers a multitude of sins. Stick her in a halter top and cutoff jeans and a trailer and what do you have? ME!"
Slim shook his head. "No, Wanda Sue. She has something you will never have."
"Montgomery? That stud-muffin she's married to? A nice home in the suburbs?"
Slim said, "For all that million that you lifted off Montgomery and that 100,000 that you blackmailed out of John and whatever you got from Rosamond...no, for all that money, they have what you will never have, Wanda Sue. Class. They have class and you don't."
"Huh! If I had all that money and the house, I could have class. It's easy when it is handed to you."
Slim leaned over her and said, "It's a fact, Sis. Class isn't something you can buy. You are either born with it or you aren't. You aren't."
Wanda Sue kicked out at Slim with her feet. He leapt in the air and backed off from her. She yelled, "What about you, Slim? Hoping some of that rubs off on you? You are cut from the same cloth as I am! You sold drugs in high school. To rich, spoiled brats like my husband and his friend Bobby Joe! Rosebud is a piece of trash. An expensive piece of trash. Why does she get what she wants? She has the nice car and the beautiful house and the glamorous job. She has a great-looking rich husband now....and she has mine, too! Not that I want him.What I want are his bank accounts and his property and the prestige of being Mrs. William Robert Montgomery. I want to be a lawyer's wife! Could have been the Governor's wife but I think he can kiss that one goodbye after the disappearing act he pulled. Nope! You take those expensive clothes off Rosebud and what do you have? Oh, you'd know! You spent the night with her back in May! And her just having that baby! Tsk, tsk!"
Slim had been heading for the door but he stopped in his tracks. "What-what are you talking about?"
Wanda Sue leaned back, took out that deadly nail file and concentrated on her nails. Like the cure for cancer was written there.
"Oh ho! So now I have your attention! Seems to me you two were in that little bistro diner that sells those fancy little breakfasts and 123 diffferent kinds of coffee. Now--someone was sitting in the next booth. Dearie, dearie me! Now--who could that person be?"
Slim said, "You? YOU? You were in that booth?"
Wanda Sue scratched her head. "Hmm...why yes! Come to think of it, it WAS me!"
She narrowed her eyes. "So you see? You hadn't blown into town for more than 48 hours and she was already...."
"Shut up, Wanda Sue! It's not what you think!"
"OH? And how are you going to prove it? My, my--what would the new radiant Mr. Gwinnett think of his number 2 trainer doing the horizontal mambo with his new bride? I think you would be out flat on your butt, Slim. You'd be a constant reminder!"
Slim headed for the door, his hand on the knob. He turned to her and said, "Wanda Sue Skaggs, it's no wonder you are miserable and alone. No one can stand to be around you for more than five minutes."
Wanda Sue yelled at him as he closed the door. "WRONG, buddy boy! I lasted two WEEKS with Montgomery!"
Slim stepped out in the cool autumn air. Oh, great--now she's subtly trying to blackmail ME! He turned his collar up and walked to his car. Why oh why couldn't I have been born an only child? I'd still have that Falcon....
THE RESCUE...........by Coralynn
Marilyn and Eleanor quietly enter Celeste's room. Celeste is already dressed and has a look of quiet excitement on her face.
"Does anyone know we're going on a rescue mission, Celeste?" Eleanor asks.
Celeste grins guiltily and tips her had sideways, "Why tell them? Do we need input from the likes of William? I think not," she says in a soft voice.
"So we're taking off from Beth's backyard?" Eleanor checks with Celeste as they leave the house.
"Yes. I thought by doing that we would definitely land on Sally Jenning's property.......at least it was hers back in the early 1730s."
"Does Beth know what we're up to? How do we explain our being in her back yard?" Marilyn wants to know.
"We won't be there more than 10 seconds, and I doubt she's up this early in the morning........let's hope not anyway."
They soon arrive in Beth and Roger's back yard and take hands in a circle. Celeste sends out the message to her coin to take them to 1733......July 3, 1733.......the air turns color and swirls.....
They are inside a house. It's rough-hewn and has sparse furniture. The curtains at the window are made of burlap. They look from one to the other and grimmace.
"Now what?" Marilyn whispers.
"Sally must be in the bedroom......" they tiptoe towards the back of the small house and, through a door left ajar, see a woman lying in a bed that appears to have a straw mattress, as pieces of it protrude from beneath her.
Marilyn and Eleanor look to Celeste for what to do next.
Celeste nods her head back toward the living area and when they're seated on the benches of a pine table, whispers, "If we awaken her with our presence, she's more apt to startle and run.......so let's wait till she comes out here."
Marilyn and Eleanor nod to this plan.
Time crawls as they wait for Sally to get up. Eleanor looks at her watch and sees they've been there 45 minutes, then realizes they are still dressed in 21st century garb. "Won't she think it odd the way we're dressed?"
"She will. But no more odd than what we're proceeding to claim......."
They hear Sally rousing, and soon she is coming through the bedroom door toward the living area. She stops dead at the sight of the three intruders and grabs an axe that's afixed to the wall just outside the door of the bedroom.
Our three time travelers pull back automatically as Sally stands in the middle of the room brandishing her weapon.
"Who are you and how did you get in here?" she demands to know.
"We're Avon ladies?" Marilyn is able to get out of her mouth, then giggles nervously. What a stupid thing to say!
"Avon is in Connecticut! How did you get way over here?"
"Horseback," Marilyn answers.
"HUH! Must have been some ride! You aren't even dressed for riding. In fact, your clothing is the strangest I have ever seen." Sally is glowering.
"New fashion in Avon, Connecticut," Marilyn just keeps talking, "It's taking the town by storm! Why, you should see the Ministers wife! She looks ravishing in......"
"WHO sent you here?" Sally changes the subject.
Celeste stands, then bravely walks toward Sally, who now at least has the axe hanging at her side instead of held out in attack mode, "An admirer. He sent us to advise you that there is a beautiful piece of property near here that can be deeded to you if you decide to avail yourself of his largesse...."
"Men, stupid men!" Sally laughs, "All their brainpower is between their legs! Of course I'll accept another piece of land! I mean to own this entire area of New York. I don't suppose this man has a name?"
"He told us he wishes to remain anonymous," Eleanor tells her, "You understand."
Sally flings the axe onto the table with a thud and sits down, "Yeah, I understand, alright!! Another one of those fool men with wives and children who likes to dally with the dollies! That's what I call my girls." the corner of her mouth turns up in a sneer.
"Then come!" Celeste wants to take advantage of the moment. She extends her hand to Sally, who, seeing the obvious sincerity in the older woman's face, takes it. Quickly Marilyn and Eleanor complete the circle and the air turns colors and swirls.
Bethia is just pouring her first cup of morning coffee when she hears voices. Looking out the window, she sees three of her good friends with a strange woman.
Going out onto the deck off the kitchen, she calls down, "Anyone for a cup of coffee? It's fresh!"
Sally Jennings is looking around wildly. "You tricked me!" she accuses. "Where are we?"
"We are still on the same land we were on a few minutes ago, Sally," Celeste informs her. "But it's 370 years later."
"Where's my axe? Who took my axe? You took my axe away from me!"
"No, dear, you laid it on the table."
"Where's my table? It's mine......it's......"
"Come inside and we can tell you all about it," Celeste puts a reassuring hand on Sally's arm, but is shaken off.
"You........don't........fool........me! You're from the Church Committee!! I know how they plotted and planned to seize my property from me, saying I wasn't a married woman, or a woman fit to live amongst them!"
"Have it your way," Celeste tells her as the other three women go up the stairs and into Bethia's kitchen, leaving Sally by herself in the back yard to figure it out for herself.
When Beth sees them enter she asks, "Is that Sally Jennings, our would-be ghost?"
"You've got it!" Celeste says cheerily, "But she has no idea she'll ever be a ghost. She is totally befuddled."
"Why are you leaving her out in the back yard?" Bethia is concerned.
Eleanor pours a cup of coffee and sits at the table, "Where's she going to go? Certainly not back to 1733! So, since we are her only contacts here, she'll eventually have to come inside. She can look up hill and down dale for her old aquaintances, to no avail. Celeste told her it was 370 years later. When that sinks in, she'll come around."
Beth continues to check out the view from the kitchen window. Sally is racing around looking for a familiar point of reference, and coming up empty.
"I feel sorry for her," Beth tells the others, "she must be terrified!"
"HA!" Marilyn puts in, "This is nothing next to the way she scared you the other night, don't forget!"
"Yes, but she has no idea she did that! Celeste said so."
They're on their third cups of coffee and have had toast with jam, when they hear footsteps coming up on the back deck. Trying to be casual, they say a friendly, "Hello" as Sally enters the kitchen. The minute she sees the electical appliances she staggers backward and looks like she's about to bolt out the door again, but then it occurs to her that she's been out there and there are no answers there.
At that moment, Roger makes his entrance into the kitchen, having no warning of what has transpired.
Sally screams and reaches for a knife, which, unfortunately, is within reach. "NOW I know you've laid a trap for me, Rev. Matthews! But you won't succeed! I will not be driven out!" she lunges at Roger, but half way across the room, Eleanor pins her arms behind her back and the knife clatters to the floor.
"Who is she?" Roger yells as he gets out of the way.
"Our ghost!" Bethia tells him hastily as Eleanor is grappling with Sally on the floor, and has her almost subdued.
Roger goes to his supplies and comes toward Sally with a needle. Moving quickly he jabs it into her arm and pushes down the plunger.
"This should calm her for awhile!" he explains, "I gave her enough trac to bring down a bull elephant!"
In a few minutes, Sally stops struggling with Eleanor and gets a catatonic look on her face.
"So......this is Sally the ghost, huh? Looks like a winner to me!" Roger jokes.
Celeste explains, "We just yanked her out of 1733 without a bye your leave, and she's frightened. She raced around the back yard, looking for something familiar, which didn't happen, then came into the kitchen, took one look at the appliances and turned white. When you entered the room she thought you were some minister who was out to get her."
"She must have had an interesting past if she's paranoid when she thinks she sees a minister!"
"We think so, too, but we haven't pried. You know, we really have to move her over to the big house. More people there to help," Eleanor tells them.
Roger stands Sally on her feet, then lets go. She doesn't fall in a heap, so he gestures for Eleanor to get on the other side, and between them, they walk her out of the house, with Marilyn, Beth, and Celeste following.
When they reach the big house, Marilyn opens the door, then rushes in to fluff the pillows before Sally is dumped onto one of the plush leather couches, which takes her down almost out of sight.
"Do I hear voices?" William bounds into the room, smiling, but the smile fades as his eyes come to rest on the prone form of a strange woman.
"And who would this be, may I ask?" he demands.
"This is the ghost who was haunting Beth and Roger's house!" Marilyn says casually.
"A-HA! and did you tell me about it? NO. You just took it upon yourselves to go 'rescue' another bloody ghost! Are there no rules around here? No organization? No....."
"Calm down, you old goat!" Celeste tells him, "We had to bring her here. She was haunting both houses, if you must know. She said Beth and Roger's house used to belong to her."
"So......."
"So she wants it back!" Beth ends the sentence. "She wants her box of jewels back too."
"And a box of jewels! Why am I not informed about things like this? It would be one thing if you saw a nickel on the sidewalk, picked it up, and brought it home. But a box of jewels....that is a big thing..."
"They were hers," Marilyn interjects, "But no way is she getting that house back!"
William shakes his head and exhales loudly, "And, why, pray tell, is she lying there comatose? Does she have some kind of sleeping sicknes?"
"Roger had to tranquize her after she came at him with a kn....."
"A knife? Did you say she came at Roger with a knife? Oh, how jolly, a violent woman, just what every happy household needs! And was it a small butter knife or one of those big butcher knives?"
"Well, it was within her reach!" Marilyn is trying to stick up for Sally.
"A-ha, and shall we go through our house and baby-proof it so that this madwoman cannot find weapons with which to kill us as we sleep?" William's face is getting red.
He stamps up the stairs, mumbling.
"Gotta run now, gals. Beth, in your condition you might want to stay a safe distance..."
"Yes, go home, Beth, we'll keep you updated on the phone," Marilyn gives her a quick hug and Beth accompanies Roger out of the house.
Celeste, Eleanor and Marilyn sit on the other plush couch and close their eyes. What a day, and it's not half over yet!
They open them with a start, however, when they hear a crash. Sally has rolled off the couch onto the floor with a bang.
Sally sits up and rubs her head, looking around. When she sees Celeste, Marilyn and Eleanor, she squints up her eyes and asks, suspiciously, "Are you the ones who brought me here? Why did you do that? Where am I anyway?"
Eleanor helps her up and sits with her on the couch upon which Sally had been laying. "We brought you here because after you died you were frantic because you wanted your property back."
"I did not die!"
"You would have in another few months, though," Celete assures her, "We thought you would be better off here. The property you used to own now belongs to Beth and Roger. He's the man you tried to kill with the knife. He is not a minister from back in 1733, he is a very nice man who means you no harm."
"Prove it! Prove that I died. You can't!"
Celeste gets a gleam in her eye and goes to the front door, "I'll be right back with your proof, Sally."
Marilyn looks at Eleanor with a question in her mind, then she figures it out as well. They nod.
"Would you like some coffee? tea?" Marilyn asks.
"Got any whiskey?"
"I think so. Let me find it," Marilyn leaves the room and comes back shortly with a bottle and a glass. She hands the glass to Sally, who ignores it, grabs the bottle, and upends it, swallowing great gulps. Marilyn and Eleanor make disgusting faces at each other.
Sally slaps the top back on the bottle and tosses it aside. "Ahhhhhhh, that's better. Where did that older woman go anyway? Is she out getting the constable?"
"No, nothing like that, but she does have something you'll be glad to see again...." Eleanor explains as Celeste enters the room again, carrying the large box that was found in Beth's back yard a week ago.
Sally is still on tranquilizers, plus the whiskey, so all she's alert enough to do is hold out her arms and declare, "That's mine! Give it to me!"
"Precisely," Celeste lowers it into Sally's lap, "Where do you think we found it? Where did you see it last, Sally?"
Sally tries to remember, then does, "Oh, I was feeling a bit poorly, so I buried it in the back yard so no one would come in and rob me. I meant to go dig it up again after I got well. How did you get it?"
"You never got well, Sally, and by accident last week it was dug up in Beth and Roger's back yard; you know, the property you used to own, the property you lived on."
Sally lifts the top and runs her hands through the jewels, a look of pleasure coming over her face.
"Thank you for giving it back to me. Even if you made up the whole story, you did give it back. I can fix up my house with the money I get from selling these.......but where is my house?"
"Long gone, dear," Celeste explains, "370 years is a long time."
Sally is becoming sleepy again and rests her head back on the couch back, and falls asleep with her hands twined in the jewels, a smile on her face.
Bess and Marthy get back from a trip to the mall, and notice the woman sleeping on the couch.
"Who is that?!"
Marilyn laughs, "She's everyone's worst nightmare come true! She's Sally Jennings, the one who was haunting this house as well as Beth and Roger's. We brought her here, as you can see. She's a real handfull. Seems she has a huge grudge against men and whenever she sees one she tries to kill him."
"Does William know?"
"Ohhh yeah, and fortunately for him, when he saw her, she was asleep. If she'd gone ballistic at the sight of him, I don't know what we would have done. William has a short......fuse, shall we say?"
Bess and Marthy shake their heads and laugh, "This place just keeps getting more exciting all the time!"
Marilyn agrees, "We do seem to attract some 'interesting' people! Hope we can get this one under control before she commits murder. She's heavily tranquilized right now, but that won't last more than another six hours if we're lucky. Roger gave her a shot that he said would bring down a bull elephant."
Sally does sleep the rest of the day, and when it becomes evening, Eleanor throws a quilt over her and heads upstairs to her room, hoping there will be no more outbursts till morning. She crosses her fingers and goes to bed.
GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY MAN!!....by Terri
Rose woke up and shook John awake. "John? Wake up! It's 7:00 AM. We have to get up for work. The studio is expecting us at 10:00. We have to drive into the City."
John rolled over and mumbled." huh? mmmhmmm...That's nice. ZZZZZZ...."
Rose shook John harder. "That's what you get for keeping us out so late with Marty and Barbara." She jumped out of bed and dragged John by the arms. "From now on, we need to be in bed by 11:00 on the nights we need to get up early." John continued to sleep. Rose said, "Don't make me get the pitcher of water, John."
John bolted upright. "OK, OK, I'm awake. You drive a hard bargain, Rose Gwinnett!"
Rose sat down on the bed. She said, " I thought I heard weird noises downstairs last night. Like someone in the house."
John yawned. "Just your imagination, sweetheart."
Rose got out of bed and pulled out her underwear drawer. She picked up a Smith and Wesson and said, "I'm glad I have THIS!"
John bolted upright in bed. "Where the hell did you get THAT?"
Rose brandished it. "Oh, just a llittle leftover remnant from the year I spent with Billy Bob. It's a honey, isn't it? Pearl handled grips. Supposedly belonged to the Sundance Kid." She tossed it lightly in her hand. "Comfortable. It has heft but is remarkably light to handle. Yep, this baby can really burn someone."
John accidently banged his head on the brass headboard. "OUCH! Rose, will you listen to yourself? You sound like a gangster's moll. Or someone who has spent too much time at the Dew Drop Inn. You are to return that to him immediately, Rosamond Gwinnett! No if, ands, or buts."
"Why? This is the gun he threatened to kill you with. I think it is only fitting that he doesn't get it back."
"I don't care. Give it back. Give it to a museum. Pitch it into the Hudson River. Just get it out of here and away from the children!" She put it back reluctantly. "OK, but I have no ammo for it. More's the pity!"
John flopped back in bed and punched his pillow up. Rose slipped back into bed. "I guess we don't have to get ready for the studio just yet!"
Within the hour, Rose and John ambled down to breakfast. El, Marilyn and Celeste were sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee. John stopped suddenly and Rose ran into the back of him. "Ooooof!" John looked at the three of them. "What's up? You all look so secretive!'
Eleanaor walked over to John and said, "Nice hair-do!" and rumpled his hair. He brushed it back out of his eyes. "Rose and I have to be at the studio by 10:00. They don't expect me to wear anything fancy."
He looked down at his jeans and sweatshirt. Rosamond came back from the living room and said, "Did we miss some excitement? We were at the studio all day and then that night we had to go to Marty Henshaw's. We went there to sign some contract papers and then we started talking and got in late. We took the outside stairs so we wouldn't wake anyone up. Who is sleeping on the couch? Not another time traveler! I've never seen HER at Court before."
Marilyn jerked her thumb over her shoulder and continued to eat her breakfast. "HER? Oh, she's our ghost--kind of materialized!"
Rose looked closer. "She's the one raising the ruckus? I ought to kick her butt for scaring Bethia in her condition. She looks pretty ingenious right now."
John raised his eyebrow. "Ingenious? Rose, where are you getting these big words--I mean, big for you!" Rose stuck her tongue out at him. "OK, so I meant 'innocent'."
Rose crept closer and looked at Sally's face. "She looks pretty wasted. I used to feel like that from my Dew Drop Inn days."
Rose walked over to the coffeemaker and poured herself and John a cup of coffee. They sat down to breakfast. "Does William know?" Celeste said, "Yes, and he's not happy!"
Sally continued to sleep, clutching her jewels. Marilyn said, "I guess the jewels rightfully belong to her. I mean, just because they were found on Roger's property...although doesn't it mean that whatever is there belongs to the owners of the property? Kind of like oil rights?"
Celeste said, "Yes, but Beth isn't that kind of person. She can probably relate to her on a 'Caleb' level."
John and Rose finished their breakfast with the rest of them. Sally slumbered on.
After the table was cleared, John put his hands on Rose's shoulders and started to massage them. "Honey, your shoulders are as tight as a monkey fist." John continued to rub and massage her shoulders and neck, Rose making contented noises.
"GIDEON WALKER, YOU GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER, YOU CUR! I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL BEFORE I LET YOU LAY A HAND ON HER!"
John was being pulled off Rosamond. Someone leapt on his back and pummeled him. "HEY! ARE YOU NUTS? GET THIS FRUITCAKE OFF ME!"
Marilyn, El and Celeste tried to pry Sally off John. Sally was totally out of control.
'YOU S.O.B. YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST BEAT UP ON AMY ANY TIME YOU FEEL LIKE IT...."
''STOP RIGHT THERE OR YOU ARE DEAD WHERE YOU STAND!"
Five people jerked their heads in the direction of the voice. Everyone froze.
Rosamond stood there in a policeman's stance and yelled out. "FREEZE, SUCKER!"
She had Billy Bob's Smith and Wesson in her hands. Everyone except John raised their hands in the air. Rose said, "Oh, come on, girls, don't be stupid...not you three!
HER! Get your paws off my man...and I mean PRONTO!"
The gun was shaking in Rosamond's hands. John said in a slow, calm voice. "Honey? Rose, darling...give me the gun. That's riiigggghht..nice and slooowwww...." She tossed the gun to John and said, "I TOLD you...I don't have any ammo for it...yet." John caught it in mid-air and checked the chambe. Empty.
Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. Sally started to swing at John and he continued to fend her off and duck. "DAMIN! SHE'S FREAKING NUTS!"
Rose walked over and with one punch flattened Sally out. She dusted off her hands and said, "No one...but NO ONE...lays a hand on my man!" Sally started to get up but Rosamond doubled up her fists again and said, "Care to go another round, honey? NO?...OK, then. Come on, darling...let's get dressed for work!"
Everyone stood there with their mouths dropped open. Yep, Rosamond had taken control of her life. And they were scared. Really scared now! Rose grabbed John's hand and as they scampered upstairs, John said, "Honey, where did you learn all that....?"
Her voice faded down the hall as she said, "....from the Gwinnett brothers..."
TALKING TURKEY...........by Coralynn
Sally looks up from her position on the floor with a look of astonishment.
"Why did she hit me?"
Eleanor assists her up from the floor and walks with her to the kitchen table, where Marilyn and Celeste are sitting. Eleanor puts Sally in a chair. Sally begins to rise, but Eleanor pushes her back into the chair. "Now sit!!"
Marilyn places a cup of coffee in front of Sally, who takes some into her mouth, but then sprays it out all over the table.
Eleanor glares at Sally, who begins to look almost frightened.
"Listen here, Sally. I think you need to hear the full story. We met you because, when we found the box of jewels in Beth's back yard, it roused your ghost. Now, don't argue with me, girl, you were a ghost. Quite a few peopel can attest to that. We then did a search on the title of the property and your name came up as owner in the early 1730s. So far so good, right?"
Sally nods.
"Once your ghost was roused, you wreaked havoc all over both Beth and Roger's house and this one as well. You rattled chains in the attic over Beth's bedroom; you threw a saucer at Mary Queen of Scots....." at this Eleanor has to grin. Sally catches the grin and reaches her hands out to touch Eleanor's, "that was funny, yes? Funny?"
"Actually it was funny, Sally, but the rest of it was scary. Now that we've rescued you from a time a few months before you were going to die, we have a problem."
Sally sits up straighter and won't meet Eleanor's eyes.
"Look at me!" Eleanor commands, "That's better. Now, the men you are trying to kill are perfectly innocent men. They are not the bad minister you fear, nor whoever it was you said beat up on Amy....."
"He beat her just like my father beat up on my mother! I hate men! They're brutes!"
Celeste interjects, "From what you say, dear, your father and your sister's husband were brutes. No one is going to argue about that. But the men you are going after with knives and fists are living 370 years after.......can you imagine that long a time?........it would be like 5 long lifetimes lived back to back. Long ones, too, not that short one you had as Sally Jennings."
Sally turns over her hands, examing them on both sides, "I'm still Sally Jennings. You make it sound like I'm not her anymore."
Marilyn takes her turn, "You are Sally Jennings. OK? But you are now the Sally who lives in 2003, not the one who lived in 1733. You can leave your old hatreds back in 1733. All those people have been dead for over 300 years. Gone. Dead. Kaput.....End of the Line.....belly-up......"
"Not here? Not here at all?"
"Not here at all. Now, you must promise us you will never try to harm one of the men who lives here. They have never beaten a woman. You look surprised?"
"Yeaaaah, cuz all the men I knew before beat their wives, sometimes their children, too. Not me, I was a fast runner when I was a child. I hid well, too. When I heard that father of mine stamping through the house to give everyone a whipping, I slid behind things. I was little, I was tiny,,,,,,I only got whipped a few times. Amy was bigger.....she got whupped almost every day. Then she got married, thinking she could get away from our evil father that way, but then HE turned out to be just as bad. I will never get married. Never. I will have my own little house and hearth and no man shall be a master over me!"
"Bravo!" the three women clap and smile.
"This is good? What I said was good?"
"Excellent dear," Celeste explains, "in this time and place a woman can have her own house, she doesn't have to ask, she doesn't have to marry, she can do whatever she wants. You won't have church committees plotting against you here. You won't have evil brothers in law harming your family. In fact, we'll help you buy your own house!"
"You'd help me?!" Sally is incredulous.
"YES!" all three voices reply, then Eleanor adds, "But you must not try to harm anyone. When a man walks into the room, even if he scares you a lot, you are to sit quietly until the fear goes away. It will go away in time. But if you try to harm the man, then we won't help you at all."
Sally seems to be turning this over in her mind.
Noise is heard on the deck outside, and Hotspur comes clomping into the house, throwing his jacket on a chair, annoucing, "Hi me lovlies! How doth it go on such a bonny day?" laughing.
Sally's eyes become round with terror. She breaths rapidly, but does not move from the chair.
Celeste does damage control, "Hotspur, this is Sally Jennings, who has just come here from 1733. She is very frightened of men. I hope your behavior will prove to her that she has nothing to fear."
Hotspur holds his palms up and backs away, "I won't harm you, lass. See? I am as gentle as a kitten."
Marilyn smiles at Sally, trying to coax a smile in return. The terror leaves the other woman's eyes, and one side of her mouth turns up ever so slightly.
"Well, see? And he's the roughest one we know! If you can handle Hots, you can handle anyone!" they laugh as the other side of Sally's mouth turns up a little as well.
Marilyn seizes the moment, "Come to my room, Sally, I have some great clothes that'll fit you. You really are quite lovely. Look at that black hair, look at your big blue yes, why, you could pass yourself off as Scarlett O'Hara!"
Sally follows her back to her room, throwing furtive glances back at Hotspur as she does, then they disapper into the room.
Celeste and Eleanor emit a loud, "Whew!"
LEAVING ON A JET PLANE......by Terri
Billy Bob and Bobby Joe were leaving for the airport. They had their rental car packed with their luggage and were saying their goodbyes.
Donna hugged BB and told him, "You take care, Billy Bob. I'll see if Lyle and I can come up in a few months. I'd like to see what you did to the ranch."
He hugged her back. "Love to have you. It will be kind of lonely. But I'll be back in there by the middle of January." Donna gave Bobby Joe a hug goodbye--maybe a little longer than necessary. Bobby Joe enjoyed every minute of it. "You two look out for each other."
Mary Ellen gave her son a kiss and hug. "Darling, I don't know why you don't move back here. You know Texas is your home. Why you stay up in that frozen tundra is more than I can figure out! When I think of the mess you made of your life up there..."
Billy Bob cut her off with a hug. "It's home to me now, Mom. Verla is up there, so is Uncle Ned. The horses are doing fantastic..."
Mary Ellen pursed her lips in that look
and was about to give him another lecture on his bad choice of women. "Honestly, sometimes I think God gave you enough blood to run to one part of your body at a time, William, and your brain always loses! When I think of..."
Billy Bob said, "Yes, Mom, I know--lecture #67." Bobby Joe saw what was going on and stepped in. "Mrs. M--it's been great as always!" Mary Ellen said, "I'm glad you got to visit your folks, Robert. Please tell your mother I'll see her on Thursday at the DAR meeting and the Daughters of the Alamo on Friday and the Country Club for the Christmas dance plans..."
Mary Ellen hardly ever called the boys by their nicknames. They were always Robert and William to her.
The Senator clapped Billy Bob on the back and took him aside. He said in a low voice, "Papers are all filed, I'll FedEx them to you by the end of the week. Don't worry, everything is sewn up tight. Neither woman will be able to touch your assets. What do you intend to do, son? About Wanda Sue."
Billy Bob grimaced. "Wanda Sue is history. She's a walking nightmare. The sooner I dump her the better." J.R. asked, "And the other?" Billy Bob shrugged. "What can I do? She married someone else."
J.R. said, "You can always wait that marriage out. I thought you two got along. Sure, you two had your fights, but wasn't making up worth it?"
BB smiled bitterly. "Yeah, that was about it, too. Looks like I didn't really know my wife at all. Within three days of our wedding she was cheating on me. THREE DAYS, Dad. And please don't tell anyone. It's embarrassing. The only ones who know are Jameson and Bobby Joe."
J.R. gave his son a hug goodbye. "Secret is safe with me. I don't need to give your mother any more ammo! You boys take care and I'll be up around spring to see how my investment has paid off!"
They said goodbyes and within the hour they were on a plane heading home.
IS THIS THE WAY TO TARA?.......by Coralynn
Eveyone is home, which is unusual for a group of people as busy as the ones who reside in the big house.
When Marilyn and Sally come out of Marilyn's room, Sarah dressed in an outfit straight out of a Civil War movie, everyone gasps. Marilyn pokes her, "Say 'glad to make your acqaintance'..and smile, for the love of God, smile!"
Sally smiles, which is almost a baring of her teeth, but you take what you can get, Marilyn figures. They go into the living room, in which William and Mike are seated, looking at the news on TV. They glance up. William comments, "Is this the same woman I saw crashed on the couch?"
Marilyn pokes Sally and whispers, say 'the same, kind sir.'
Sally sounds like a robot, but says "The same, kind sir."
Mike smiles at Sally, and comments, "Scarlet O'Hara! I just saw that movie on video and you are a dead-ringer for her?"
"A dead what??" she gets agitated.
Marilyn walks Sally back into the kitchen, "See? William is a man, and you weren't afraid!"
Sally wrinkles up her forehead, "Yeah, but he looks like Saint Nicholas; no one is afraid of him!"
Eleanor hears this and laughs, "OH, this is wonderful! Sally, you are priceless."
"A price? I have no price. My 'girls' on the other hand..."
"I didn't mean that!" Eleanor smoothes it over, "I meant that your sense of humor is beyond price."
"And Mike spoke to you and you didn't try to hit him."
"Wellll, that guy has the face of an angel, nobody would hit him!"
The other women are encouraged; she's making exceptions for some men instead of painting them all with the same brush full of hatred.
"Now what do I do?" Sally asked, "I have no idea what to do here!"
"I know! Let's go back into my room. El, can you come, too? We have some great stories to tell you about how we came to live here."
"But you were already here!" Sally is confused.
"But we weren't born here......most of the people in the house were born hundreds of years even before you were."
"Then how'd they get here?"
The three women enter Marilyn's room, which has an extra bed in it for Sally, also a dresser. She has the box of jewels in her closet.
"Eleanor, you start."
"OK. I was born almost a thousand years ago," she starts. When she sees Marilyn's eyebrow go up, she laughs, "Well, not quite that long ago, but many hundreds of years before you, and in England. I was a Queen, too. OH, and get this......Queen of France and then Queen of England; and they made a movie about me and many books have been written."
"Jeeeeeez, I never heard such a tall tale!" Sally makes a mocking face, "You were a Queen! Yeah, and I was Jo-Jo the dog-faced boy!"
This is the first person who has doubted Eleanor, and she has no ready reply. "Wellllll, how about we ask William, ya know, St. Nick? He can tell you I really am Eleanor of Aqutaine. He's William the Conquerer, you know, or maybe you didn't, but now you do. Have you ever heard of William the Conqueror?"
"Yaaaaaa, some stud who was a regular customer and fancied Sheila called himself that. What a joke."
"No, no, he really and truly is." Eleanor paces, trying to figure out how to prove it.
"OK how'd ya get here?"
"William has a magic coin that lets him time travel and take people with him if he wants to."
"And he wanted to, huh. Well," she dives into the closet and brings out her chest of jewels, "I have one, too, but I never got a chance to use it." She fishes around till she finds the coin and holds it up triumphantly.
"Where did you get it?" Marilyn is curious.
"Some bozo couldn't pay and said he'd give me this and it would let me time travel. I didn't believe him, and I still don't, but I never gave it a try."
"After you're more comfortable here, we can travel together, how would you like that, Sally?"
She shruggs, "OK, I guess. Now, getting back to the idea of you helping me buy a house....."
THE SNOOP, SISTER.....by Terri
Wanda Sue shoved the last of her belongings into the guest house of the ranch.
There ya go, babydoll! All moved in! Old Loverboy is gonna flip when he comes home! Good thing I figured out where Bobby Joe hid the key. Maybe I'll sublet him my apartment and he can leave me and my husband to get re-acquainted!
Wanda Sue grabbed a ladder and hung the deer head over the fireplace. Yeah, that's about right! Too bad the eyes really DID fall out! That crazy glue really stuck to my fingers. Oh, so what if that doofus deer is cross-eyed. Maybe he needed glasses. Now, let's see if I can do some good old-fashioned snooping! She went into the bedroom that Billy Bob had taken over. On the dresser were his extra keys, and some aftershave. Wanda Sue picked it up. Hmm....Stetson. He used to wear that stuff called Brut. HA! He thought all the girls would swoon!
She opened his dresser drawer. Still not wearing boxers, I see....those tall socks that you wear with boots...some white sox for Reebox....oh, and here's a picture of him and Rosebud...must be their wedding picture.
Yeah, she sure dressed fancy for THAT wedding! Look--a tank top and jeans.
She looks radiant----NOT!! Looks a little green if you ask me---must have been when she was carrying that brat of hers...
Let's see...extra change just thrown in the drawer, a few pocketknives...more cologne...She shut that drawer and moved down to the next. More shirts.....he liked Ralph Lauren, didn't he?....some more T-shirts, all white. Guess Rosetramp was a big one on bleaching his stuff...oh, look here! BLACK T-shirts! Must have been when he was going out for bowling or something like that! Yeah, Loverboy, always liked to show a girl a good time! Bowling or pool, maybe a burger and then a quick trip over to Barton's Lane for some heavy groping. Bet Rosetramp got dinner in fancy restaurants and out-of-town trips. Wanda Sue slammed the drawer shut with annoyance. Let's see what's behind Drawer #3, Babydoll...and you have won.....jeans. Jeans and more jeans. Size 32 in the waist. Extra long. Yep, BB is a tall drink of water. Dang, how many pairs of jeans does he need? Must be at least fifteen in here. Slim only had two pair--one to wear and one to wash. Hard being dirt poor...you just may have to try halving your assets when I get through with you, Billy boy...can ya stand it? Sharing with a Skaggs?
Wanda Sue slammed that drawer even harder. Let's see what secrets Bobby Joe is hiding...may as well, he's camped with the enemy. She pulled open his underwear drawer. What's with these Texas boys? No boxers here, either. Pocketknives...what's with these guys? Same socks as Loverboy, do they shop at the same store or did Bobby Joe swipe them? Oh, look! Bobby Joe was hoping to get lucky! A 36-pack! Dream on, BJ! Always the optimist, weren't you? If it weren't for Billy Bob, it may have been you and me, Bobby Joe! She laughed to herself at that thought.
A box with his high school ring and his old wedding ring. I should pawn them..naw, even I have scruples. Yep, old Carolyn dumped him..guess she found out about that blonde at the Tasty Freeze...She shut that drawer and moved on to drawer #2. Shirts....at least he has some color on his...fish! Fish, fish, and MORE fish! At least they aren't Save the Whale shirts...but whales aren't fish, they are mammals, aren't they? And why do I care?
Wanda Sue shook her head. No sense rehashing tenth grade biology. Yeah, Billy Bob sat right across the aisle and one up from me...cute even then..how was I to know he was a jerk...
She moved on to drawer #3 which held jeans. Not as tall as hubby's but of a decent size, smaller waist though. Big deal---by one inch.
She wandered into the bathroom. The assorted toothbrushes and toothpaste, mouthwash and deodorant. Holy cow! Soap-on-a-rope! Someone sell Avon around here? Shower is clean...no hair in the sink or on the tiles. That's a plus, since I don't like to clean.
She walked over to the desk. Mail had been sitting there for the last three days. Guess that Juanita person was taking it in and sitting it on the desk. Maybe she's the neatnik. Good. I hope so. I don't want to clean. And I won't. Ever.
She thumbed through the mail. Well, Billy Bob just may be a winner..I already know he's a weiner...bill from Bloomingdale's...Saks...Macy's...Lord and Taylor....
She ripped them open. I have a right, don't I? I'm still Mrs. Montgomery...holy smokes, would you look at the credit line? And the balance? Looks like Supertramp did a lot of shopping! Power bill...gas bill.....water bill....feed bill...free oil change. I'll keep that one for myself...five pre-approved. I'll keep those, too. It's for him and MRS. Montgomery. I'll just white out Rosebud Montgomery and put in WandaSue.
Well, well, what's this? From the Law office of Patrick J. O'Malley.
She tapped that one on her chin. She held it up to her forehead. Like Johnny Carson doing Carnac the Magnificent. Or whatever. Let's see...could it be...a decree of divorce? Like in the old days when you could can your mate because they burned the dinner? Maybe Rosebud spun around three times and chanted "I divorce thee, I divorce thee, I divorce thee..." She'd get dizzy and then puke and then sue him for the drycleaning bill! He'd say, 'whatever you want, darling, here's a thousand dollars, go out and buy yourself some new shoes, honey!' Maybe she's going for child support. That would really bite. Maybe she wants her share of the community property. OK, so they were only married for ten months. I have fourteen years seniority over her. OK, so we only lived together for two weeks. Immaterial.
It's only fair..as his wife, you understand...that I open this one.
Maybe better steam this one. Never hurts to have inside information. Like Martha Stewart..yeah, THAT was a good thing!....she quickly boiled some water and held the envelope over it. Within two minutes the envelope flap started to give way. Wanda Sue took her new acrylic nails--courtesy of Sung Hee---and pried the flap back. She fixed herself a Southern Comfort and milk--a Comfort Baby, mind you---ah, just like Mama used to make!---propped her feet up and opened the paper.
Well, well, well, it's true--Little Miss Slutshoes got her annulment! Legal mumbo jumbo..yadayadayada....oh, here's the good stuff!--"whereas Rosamond Elizabeth de Clifford---what a mouthful!--and William Robert Montgomery entered into a bigamous marriage, so being that Mr. Montgomery did not obtain a legal divorce from his first wife Wanda Sue Skaggs Montgomery; said marriage is declared null and void, invalid in the eyes of the laws of the states of New York and Louisiana. And said marriage is said be be dissolved as of September 15, 2003, duly recorded in Westchester County, State of New York. Signed by ..who? clerk of court of Westchester county, whoever that may be. So there ya have it, babydoll! Proof of the marriage that never was! Miss Flat-on-her-Back-Havin'-a-good-time Rosetramp was nothing but a shackup. Maybe I ought to sue her for 'alienation of affection'. Drag her name through the tabloids again. I still have those wild pictures of Billy Bob's replacement. Wonder if the Globe or the Star would be interested in them. She made herself a post-it note and stuck it in her purse.
The note read, "SUBMARINE ROSETRAMP" Yeah, but I doubt I'l forget.
Wanda Sue walked over to the xerox machine in the small office and ran a couple copies. She carefully put the papers back in and glued the envelope flap and added it to the stack of mail that was on the desk.
SNOOP SISTER PART TWO......by Terri
Wanda Sue burst out laughing to herself. Look here! Velveeta! And WonderBread!
Ahh----nothing like a grilled cheese! Maybe I'll whip up a Tuna Casserole later. Just need cream of mushroom soup and a can of tuna! Wasn't that featured in that cookbook, WHITE TRASH COOKIN'? Not that I ever read it..but it was amazing what you could do with a can of Campbell's tomato soup! She checked the freezer. A bottle of vodka in there...cloudy.... must have gone bad...ice cubes. Wanda Sue picked one up. Tastes funny...must be old ice. Can ice go bad? Can water? She looked back in the fridge and picked up some Perrier water. Best if used by...holy smokes, Billy Bob buys water with an expiration date? For Pete's sake, just turn on the tap! Nothing wrong with city water! Little Miss Hotpants must have got him started on that.
She moved on to the cupboard. Are they out of their minds? Count Chocula cereal? Lucky Charms? Froot Loops? Co-co Puffs? Wait a minute....every box is marked in a Sharpie marker...what does it say? 'Billy Bob--don't touch my cereal. BJ'
Bobby Joe--what a weirdo! A case of arrested development! And everyone knows it is spelled 's-e-r-i-a-l'! There's some granola in here. Yeah, that has to be Mr. High-And-Mighty. Grape-Nuts. Neither Grapes or Nuts. Go figure. I want to know what's IN my 'serial'! If it's good enough for Tony the Tiger, it's good enough for me!I I can just see that oatmeal-for-brains dumping the flakes out and burst out crying! Loverboy would come in and say, "Let's put the flakes back in the box, sweetie. No matter how hard you try to put the pieces together, you'll never get a puzzle picture of a tiger". Wanda Sue laughed to herself. They must have had that bubble-headed bleached blonde in mind when they wrote those blonde jokes!
Wanda Sue made her grilled Velveeta and opened a bag of Fritos. Ah, nothing like saturated fat to keep the machine running in tip-top shape! She popped open a Mountain Dew and threw a slug of Billy Bob's bourbon in it. She flicked on the TV. No Jerry Springer? Well, here's one...Judge Judy...yeah, you give it to her! Hey, lady! She slept with your husband and you're going to stand there and take it?
Come to think of it, Supertramp slept with MY husband...what can I do for a crime of passion? Naw, I'd rather bat her around little by little,..like a cat playing with a mouse. And just when she thinks she's going to get away...WHUMP! I smack her right on the tail and goodbye, Mousebud!
Wanda Sue walked over to the refridgerator again and stuck her head in. Let's see..do I want imported or domestic beer?.....
"JUST WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?"
Wanda Sue was startled and hit her head on the freezer door. "OW! %&%#*&"
She turned around. Standing in the doorway was Billy Bob and Bobby Joe. They both whipped off their sunglasses at the same time. Billy Bob was furious and Bobby Joe stood there with his mouth open.
Wanda Sue smiled her most devious smile, the one that Billy Bob absolutely hated.
"Well, well, well....welcome home, Loverboy!"
on to next part of STORY
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