PARTY! PARTY!




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LET THE PARTIES BEGIN

By Terri:

Bethia stretched out. "Didn't we do this a few months ago?" she laughed. The girls had all gathered for their slumber party a few nights before Rosamond and John were FINALLY getting married.
Rosamond looked up from painting Marthy's toenails ten different colors. Marthy wiggled her toes in pleasure.
She said, "Yes, but LAST time I had to haul butt out of here because I was married to you-know-who!"
Bess said, "Do you ever think of him?" Rose became very quiet then said, "Yes, I do. I'm so sorry he ended up like he did. He wasn't a bad sort---just a man who was used to getting what he wanted when HE wanted it. DuPre blood, I guess."
Marilyn, Eleanor and Celeste exchanged glances. Celeste gave an imperceptible shake of her head and changed the subject. "Well, I for one, just LOVE these slumber parties! I had two sons and they had sons so I never got the treat of having daughters. And I think of all of you as my daughters!" She smiled lovingly at the five women she had come to know so well. She put the platter of vegetables and ranch dip down and passed margaritas with extra salt.
"Ooh, thanks, Celeste!" Bethia passed hers up. "I'll just stick to diet Coke."
Celeste gave her a knowing smile, after all, the woman was psychic! Eleanor wiped the salt on the rim with her finger, dipped it in the margarita and sucked it off her finger. "Mmmm...divine! A gift from the Inca gods!"
All the girls were in various styles of jammies. Marthy and Bess favored baby doll pajamas, Marilyn was resplendant in a long negligee type material.
Bethia had a chemise and tap pants. Eleanor, ever practical, had on a shirt-type with matching shorts. Rosamond was wearing one of John's button-down oxford shirts and Celeste, ever practical, had on a long flowered caftan.

Eleanor said, "Rosamond, you are the only one without jammies!"
"This way I feel close to John. I don't want to be parted from him for a minute!"
Everyone groaned and laughed. Marilyn put her finger down her throat and said, "ACK! ACK!"
Marilyn stood up. "OK, girls, time to reveal our inner selves. To bare our souls. Like we did last time! Celeste? Lights out, please!"
The girls lit candles all over the room. "Oooh, like the inner sanctum!" Marthy said in a spooky voice.
Marilyn looked out the window. "I see the guys are all down at Henry's castle. Scene of a bacchanalia, no doubt. Henry and Luke were rolling in a keg of beer earlier. And I don't know if any of you know it, but Luke has taken to making his own wine. Pretty good stuff, we shared a bottle of strawberry wine last week. Packs a powerful punch! He thinks his merlot will be ready for tonight."
Rose said, "Oh, no! Merlot AND beer? John and I are getting married in a few days. I don't want him a complete mess!"
Eleanor said, "I don't trust them. I'll bet they have something up their collective sleeves. They won't do another panty raid."
Marilyn said, "Whatever it is, we'll be ready for them!" She and Marilyn giggled and high-fived each other.
Marilyn passed out papers. "More questions, girls! I gave the guys the same list. I hope they get through this before they get blasted."
Bethia said, "Oh, my poor Roger! Last time he said he spent half the night with Jerry holding his head over the toilet. He said that's a true friend!"
OK, who wants to go first?
Bethia raised her hand. "I want to get it over with!"
"OK, Bethia, you're on!"


OVER AT THE CASTLE.......by Coralynn

Mike enters Henry8's castle with Jack, who takes a paper from Henry as they go through the door. Mike looks at his copy, then asks Jack, "What is this for?"
"These are discussion questions for when we are all here, sitting around, and before we get too drunk to think up answers."
"You guys get drunk?"
"That's what guys do at these Bachelor Parties!" Jack explains, "and over at the big house the women have the same list of discussion questions."
"Do they get drunk, too?"
"No, they feel it's beneath their dignity. What is it with women anyway that they think they have to keep themselves controlled like that, I wonder?"
"'Control' is the word, too, Jack. Back in Atlantis they controlled everything, not just themselves but everyone else as well. At least they did until Eleanor appeared all dressed up like the Goddess and told them to change their ways. We went back just the other day, and the place was different. The men weren't wearing chastity grids anymore, either. We have Eleanor to thank for that!"
"Ever feel you wanna go back?"
"It's better than it was, Jack, but living here is the best of all, so no."
"Smart decision!" Jack clapps him on the back as they join the group of men sitting in the great-room of the castle.
William, who was the first to arrive, greets them, "Hail fellows! Ready to do some serious partying?"
Most of the other men look at William in surprise. Since when has William been a "party animal?" He disapproved of the panty raid they staged at the last Bachelor Party, so why is he acting like a regular guy?

William is trying to be just one of the guys, and it's killing him. What will I do if they get it into their collective heads to go over and play tricks on the women again? he wonders. Well, we'll wait and see; maybe they've learned their lesson.

"Is everyone here?" Luke stands and looks around the circle. "Looks like it. Good. Now, men, before we hit the keg really hard, let's get this discussion thing over with. Looking over this list, I must say that Marilyn has outdone herself in drawing it up. Some of these questions look silly to me. Silly. How would the women know if we just didn't do these at all? Do they have spy microphones planted around the castle? Think we should just rip up these papers? All in favor of scrapping this discussion list idea, raise your hand."

Hotspur's hand is immediately raised on high, but his is the only one.
Luke is surprised. "OK then, shall we begin?"
He looks around the circle. "Who wants to go first?"
Rafe's hand goes up, much to everyone's surprise. "I'll do it!"

RAFE'S TURN:

Rafe, whose reading skills have improved greatly since the last bachelor party, proudly reads off the first question:
"Describe your stangest dream: that's easy. It's being a highwayman in 1777, then finding myself in 2003. Well, at least it seemed like a dream at the time. I wake up every morning thinking I'm in 1777 and then realize I'm not. Let's say 1777 was a nightmare I woke up from."
"I thought you missed robbing people, Rafe! What happened?" someone yells out.
"This may sound strange, but......I learned about 21st century life by watching television. And, thanks to Dr. Phil, I no longer have the overpowering urge to rob people anymore."
"DR. PHIL????" comes the collective voice.
"Sure! OK, now, question two: what is my largest regret? Probably the time I killed some guy while I was robbing him. That was uncalled for, and I think back on it with great regret. Now..question three: My best flirting technique? HUH. I don't flirt. Maybe one of you can teach me how....."
"I WILL!" Slim chimes in. "I have this book called....."
Some of the men laugh and hoot. "Not that book again!" Luke yells out, "I used a few of those pick-up lines on Marilyn and she tossed her head and marched away."
"Well yeah, but Marilyn would! She's a bitch!" Daniel yells out before he thinks.
"I'll have you know, young man, that Marilyn is held in high esteem, and the next time you call her a nasty name will be the last day you draw breath!" William thunders.
The men look around at each other and the same thought appears in each mind, "Yep! The real William is back!"

There is a moment of strained silence, after which Rafe figures his best move is to continue. "OK, now, question four: How many times have you been in love? Just once, but my boorish behavior caused her to turn away. I really can't blame her."
"That was Bess?" Slim asks.
"Yes, it was," Rafe shakes his head sadly, "but let us go on......Oh this one looks like fun! If I found a magic Genie in a bottle, what one wish would I ask for? I'd wish to have Bess back again. But magic shouldn't be used to coerce another person to love you. So, I dunno, maybe a million dollars."
Hotspur doesn't get it, "Hell yes, you should coerce, as you put it, if you want to. It's your magic Genie, after all! You've been watching too much TV, Rafe, old chum, and I think it's made you......"
Roger interrupts, "I thought we weren't going to abuse each other verbally! Let's bear that in mind."
Rafe throws Roger a grateful glance and then reads, "If I could cast one spell.......this one is a lot like the last one. Pass. Now, this last one is a beauty!! Describe each person in the room with a word that begins with the same letter as the beginning of their first name.........whew! OK, I'll try. William: wondrous, Daniel: dunderhead, John: joyful, Roger:...hmmmm, "R" is hard.......not reckless, not ruthless, ohh man, what good word starts with "R"? Hey, Roger, do you have a middle name?"
"Andrew!" Roger tells him.
"Andrew: awesome. There. Slim; silly, Mike: muscular, Hotspur: hasty, Henry: heavy," this brought a big laugh, "And Luke: likeable. Whew! I did it!!" he sits down while the others comment, "good job!" "Hey, you took the word I was gonna use!" and so forth.

Slim goes to fill up his mug. The others do as well. "We get a glass after each person finishes answering his list," Luke tells them all. This hadn't exactly been the plan, but since this looks like what the group is going to do, he decides to put his stamp of approval on it.


BETHIA'S TURN....by Terri

"Hmmm...Marilyn, you have a very fertile imagination! Where do you come up with these questions?"
"I just googled 'Truth or Dare' and picked the least offensive ones! Believe me, you don't want to know what SOME of them were like!" She shuddered.
"OK--question #1--Describe your strangest dream. OK, I was running down a dark corridor in an old house. There were seven gables. Just like in that book. And these people in long dark robes were chasing me and I couldn't find my way out. Everywhere I turned there were more stairs. They were closing in on me. I forced myself to wake up and then I climbed into my parents' bed. To this day I can't go down corridors that are dark. It brings it all so vividly back to me!"

"Question#2--what is your largest regret? Easy--staying married to that piece of garbage Caleb Adams. Letting me think that I was barren. He would physically abuse me over it. Well, I'll show...." she stopped.
"Show what, Bethia?"
"Yes, what?"
"Er, I'll show the world that I am WOMAN! Hear me roar!" They all laughed, especially Rosamond and Eleanor who remembered Bethia as a scared little rabbit.
"Question #3-best flirting technique. Do I have one?"
"Everyone has one, Bethia!" Bess said. They all looked at Bess. Bess sniffed, "I found the Cosmopolitan magazine in Rosamond's room when I was looking for the cat, Misty. OK, so I borrowed it! I'll put it back!"
Rose burst out laughing. "And every issue I get seems to be missing! I thought Celeste was throwing them out!"
Marilyn clapped her hands."OK, Bethia, what did you do to get Roger to fall madly in love with you?"
Bethia said, "Besides helping to find out who killed his ex-wife, I listen to him. I don't mean hear him--I mean LISTEN. I hung on every word he said. And I smiled alot and made eye contact. Roger and I didn't play games. It was just honest appreciation of each other."
"And lust!"
Bethia blushed, "OK, maybe a little of that too!"
"Ok--question #4--how many times have you been in love? With apologies to Rose, I would say twice!"
"Apologies to me? Whatever for?" "Because when I was 14, I swear I was in love with John Gwinnett! I would sit in church services and sneak glances over at him. Even though he was sitting with Elizabeth and her family. I knew they were promised to each other but you know how a fourteen year old dreams!"
Rosamond blushed and said, "Boy, do I ever! At least you didn't get packed off to France!"
Bethia continued. "And when I REALLY got struck by the big 'L' it was the first time I ever looked into those deep blue eyes of Roger's when I took Rosamond to the OB. I think it was fate."
"Question #5--What would I ask a Genie in a bottle for? Easy! Eternal life for Roger! I can't bear the thought of him growing older and not being with him for an eternity."
Celeste said quietly, "I'm working on it, Bethia. Rosamond lent me her granny's potion book. I may be able to unlock the key to this."
Bethia threw her arms around Celeste and said, "You are the best!"
"Question #6--curse or spell. Hm...I would have Caleb resurrected and then curse him to never touch another woman in his entire life. And he would have to know that it was HIM who couldn't have children. And that his equipment would fall off!"
Everyone fell over laughing at that. "Hit him where he lives, huh, Bethia!"

Question #7--OK--Celeste is constant. She never changes and always there for all of us. Eleanor--elegant! Marthy--marvelous! Marilyn--magnificent! Bess--bubbling. And Rosamond---what else can I say? Romantic!"

Bethia sat down, relieved that it was over. "OK, girls, you will each get yours now! And pass me the veggies and dip! I feel low blood sugar coming on!"
Celeste quietly motioned Bethia into the kitchen. She said, "Honey, if you want, switch to Sprite and keep it in the margarita glass. No one will know."
Bethia said, "Celeste...you know, don't you?"
Celeste said, "Indeed I do. And it is very noble of you to keep it quiet till after Rose's wedding"
Bethia broke out in a smile that was unique to women in her situation. "I just want Rose to have this time in the spotlight. Roger and I wanted to keep the news to ourselves to savor and enjoy. But he is ready to shout from the rooftops!"
Celeste gave her a big hug. "Can you blame him? But it's a nice gift to do for Rosamond."
Bethia looked over her shoulder and said, "But after this wedding--look out, world!"


JERRY'S TURN.......by Coralynn

Jerry drains the last of the beer from his mug and announces, "I'm next! Get me while I'm still coherent!!"
"But you were a frat boy, surely you can drink the rest of us under the table!" Slim comments.
"Ahhh, but that was a number of years ago, my friend! OK now.......first question, strangest dream: Since I sell real estate, I've had a few weird dreams about it. In one of the strangest, I find myself wandering around an empty house looking for the buyers. They were with me when we got there, but somehow they've disappeared, and I wander from room to room calling their names. Then, just as I'm about to give up and leave, I see them floating around the living room. Yeah, they're up there like they're in a space capsule with no gravity. Just floating. That's when I realize it's a dream and wake up.
What is my largest regret? I don't regret much........there must be something, though." "Yeah, like meeting Eleanor!" Daniel yells out.
All the other men glare at him, but don't say anything. William is thinking, ".......strike two!".....

"My best flirting technique? I keep eye contact and nod when a woman is speaking. Makes her think I'm engrossed in whatever she's saying, whether I am or not. Of course, if she's really boring, my eyes begin to close and I nod off. Not very flattering, but then if I'm bored enough, I don't care!"
"You're a real hound dog!" someone yells out. Jerry laughs.
"How many times have I been in love? A few. I know, I know, you guys want details! Alright: there was Sally in high school, but she broke up with me because she said I wasn't enough of a 'bad boy,' then in college there was Nancy and Jane and Susan and Rosemary and Laura and........"
"How many times, though, Jerry?" they want to know.
"Let's say 7 or 8. I wasn't deeply in love, though, just in love in love, ya know?"
"Did they all leave you because you were boring?" Mike asks.
Jerry smiles at Mike, "You may be on to something, Mike! Well, on we go to: If I found a Genie in a bottle. I'd ask that every single prospective buyer for the houses I've listed offer to pay the asking price. Ya know, maybe I am boring!"
The other men laugh, and Hotspur gets up to re-fill his mug. "Not yet!" Jerry motions him to sit down again, "I haven't cast a spell or curse yet, Hotspur! I know! I'd put a curse on the house-mother of our frat who used to come out into the hall and check us in every night. She even tried to smell our breath to make sure we hadn't been drinking. We found ways around her, but she was a royal pain." Hotspur tries to get up and refill his mug again.
"One more question, Hots, then you can refill. William: whopper, Daniel: dumb, John: jolly, Roger: rollicking, Jack: jumpy.....sorry, Jack, I couldn't come up with anything really good that begins with J, Rafe: rakish, Slim: sober.....did I actually say that?.....Mike: manly, Hotspur: hellacious, Henry: hooter.....never mind what it means, I'm having a creative block here, guys.......Luke: loquacious. There, done!!! Let's hit the keg!"


JACK'S TURN......by Terri

The guys were sitting around Henry's castle seeing who could chug their beer the fastest. So far Hotspur was ahead, which was no surprise because of the size of him. Everyone kept chanting "GO! GO! GO! GO!" which encouraged him even more.
He even put his hands behind his back and took the mug in his mouth and gulped it down. When it was finished, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and looked at them triumphantly. A round of applause followed. "Belushi had nothing on you, Hotspur!" "Way to go!"
"What do you expect, looking at the size of him!"
Hotspur let out a belch that would rock the chandeliers.
Luke stood up. "Who wants to go next?"
Jack timidly raised his hand. "I neither want to be first or last, that way I will get lost in the shuffle!"
All the guys started to cheer Jack on.
He stood up, took his questionnaire and read off the first question. "Describe your strangest dream. Hmmm. Guess it was not really a dream--just something surreal. It was seeing William standing there in the courtyard by the stable with Montgomery and Daniel. All of sudden--*poof* there they were--materialized out of thin air! I kept rubbing my eyes trying to see if I was hallucinatiing. Daniel and Montgomery were really out of it!"
Daniel yelled, "You should have seen it from MY point of view!" Everyone laughed.
"Question #2--what is your largest regret? That I didn't get an education. My family was poor serfs. My parents saw that I had a way with horses and they enlisted the help of the vicar to get me a position in the Duke of Cumberland's stables. Blessed be the day that Henry2 was staying there! His horse colicked and I sat up all night with him. Henry came down and sat all night with me. He was impressed that I stayed with the horse instead of shuffling off to sleep like everyone else. He offered me a position in his royal stables-practically demanded it. The duke had no say-so. The next day I left with Henry and his entourage. So I regretted that I was only a mere stableboy who tried to learn to read on his own. But now look at me! Computer classes!"

"Question #3--What is your best flirting technique? I don't think I have one. I like to think I treat women as equals. Try to know them mentally..." Rafe yelled out, "as opposed to carnally?" Jack continued."....and get to know them as friends." Rafe whispered to Daniel, "That gets you nowhere!" and they both laughed quietly. "Question #4--How many times have you been in love? I say--I don't know. Because I am still trying to figure out what love is. And to do that I have to get to know myself first. Oh, I've been attracted to some mighty strongly. But love is the ultimate, supreme emotion and I just want to be sure what it is before I put a label on what I feel."

Some one yelled out, "Better make sure pretty fast, Sonny! You are in your prime and it don't get any better than this!"
Another one yelled out, "And there's a pretty little curly-haired girl just simmering!"
Jack turned five shades of red and picked up his paper again.
"OK-Number 5--The Genie one. I would wish that my parents could see me now. Living in this wonderful time period with all the modern conveniences. Never having to worry about consumption or the Black Plague.."
"Or the Black Knight!" Jerry shouted out.
"...and learning to read. Doing better than picking up horse dung. Making something of myself. Yes, they would be real proud!"
"Question #6--spell or curse? I can't think of anyone I dislike enough to put a curse on, not even Rafe or Daniel!"
The entire group raised their mugs and shouted, "Hear, hear!"
"No one has done me wrong to that degree. As far as a spell, I can't think of any so I guess I'm going to stay neutral on that!"
Question #6--oh, boy! Here goes! Tough one! William--a wizard! If not for him, I'd be shoveling or pushing up daisies! For that I am eternally grateful! Hotspur--I think 'hotspur' says it all. I grew up around legendary stories of him. And now look at him!"
Hotspur let out another belch and everyone broke out laughing. Hotspur drained his mug--"Yeah, look at me!" he boomed.
Onwards! Roger--rejuvenation because he really came to life with Bethie's love. Rafe--a rogue. 'Nuff said on that! Luke--liquifying because that is what his music is like. It flows like water." Luke stood up and took a mock bow.
"Slim---stud? Because that's what he thinks he is!" Rafe punched Slim in the arm.
"Yeah--Mr. Stud-muffin here!" Slim blushed but laughed.
"Henry8--happy. I've never seen him down. Mike is mellow---he's really laid back considering he just got rid of his chastity grid. Jerry is jovial. Daniel is deep."
There were hoots and howls from the group. "No, honestly! I've had few conversations with him--there's more to him than meets the eye!" Daniel stood up and said, "Thanks, kid! And I deny every word I've ever said!" They all laughed.
"Finally, John--jubilant, because he finally gets to marry the woman he loves!"
They all raised their glasses to that. All except one.
And then there was a mad dash to the keg.


MARILYN'S TURN..........by Coralynn

Bess and Marthy cheer as Marilyn gets up to do her list. She winks at them and gives them a thumbs-up.
"Do you want this in my regular voice or in the simpering little voice I used to use in the movies?" she asks everyone.
"Simpering little voice," comes the unanimous chant.
"OK, you asked for it," she says breathily, adjusting her peignoir, flipping her hair back, wetting her lips, undulating her shoulders....
The women roar with laughter. This is their feisty Marilyn, the one who decked Daniel several times; the one who helped solve the Ruth Bidwell murder by marching boldly into the 'lions den' with an empty pizza box!
"Alright, you asked for it," she says, throwing her head back, "and you're going to get it! My strangest dream. I dream I'm naked on a beach....and someone has a camera.....oh, just a minute, that actually happened!" the women laugh and she continues, "My largest regret? Should have decked some of those guys I knew back in the 1950s. If I'd known then what I know now......Well. My best flirting technique? Flirt? Who, moi? I say there, ladies, look at me, am I not a flirting technique with legs? I walk in a room and the men all keel over. Oh yes, I'mmmm hot. How many times have I been in love? I don't think I have been, ya know? Isn't that sad? I was married three times, but more because I was looking for a strong man to lean on and protect me. Hot lot of good that did!"
"How about Luke?" Marthy asks.
"Luke is a sweetheart. And knowing he's a great composer really knocks me out, but I can't really say I'm in love with him...." Groans from the other women. "Sorry about that, but it's ironic, isn't it? I was supposed to be such a love goddess, but I never had a real love. However.......the future unfolds before us, so don't cry for me!"
She pauses to take a sip of wine, "Now......if I found a Genie in a bottle.....oh my, would I have fun with her! Are Genies male or female anyway? Either? Good. My one wish: that I really could find a true love. If I could cast a spell or curse.......I know, I know!......I'd cast a curse on Daniel so that every time he got near Rose he would freeze in place like a stone statue. Yeah, then I wouldn't have to smack him around anymore. Here's the one I like: Celeste: cute.......well you are sorta cute Celeste!.........Eleanor: everlasting.......the quintesential warrior woman, my role model, Rose: ravishing! I like that one!........Beth: bold....Marthy: hey, Beth, you already used both marvelous and magnificent......my first choice.......ok, Marthy is magical! Bess: beautious! There! I like that! Done!"
They clap and she curtsies, then says in her normal voice, "I'm famished!! Pass the 'smores!"


HOTSPUR'S TURN.......by Terri

"ONE, TWO THREE.....GO!" They all raised their mugs and downed their beers at one time. "Ho-ho! Jack loses!" Jack sat there with his eyes watering as his cheeks were puffed out. He started to laugh and sprayed beer all over Mike's back.
They dissolved into slightly inebriated laughter.
"OK, I think we'd better get Hotspur while he's still standing! For every beer we drink, Hotspur has been filching two!"
Hotspur exclaimed, "Well, I'm bigger than all of you!"
He swaggered to a standing position. "OK, let me have the damn list!"
The less seasoned males were all agog, anticipating what this pillar of testosterone had to say.
"Question #1--*burp* Excuse me! Strangest dream....I dreamed I went to a battlefield and everyone had on their armor but me. I was naked. Got the picture?"
"Un-huh! Scary, isn't it?" "What, the dream or the visual picture we are all getting?"
Hotspur said, "Hey, everyone has those dreams where they are naked in a crowd. Anyone of you NOT have that dream?"
No one's hand went up.
"OK- Number 2--What is your largest regret?" He looked over at William. "Is it bad taste to mention the lack of consummation in the hayloft?"
William glared and nodded his head to the affirmative.
"OK, then, my largest regret was after I killed Earl of Douglas in the Battle of Otterburn, I took off after the retreating Scots. Should have left well enough alone. Hey, I'm not saying I was sorry I took off after them! I was sorry I was careless enough to get captured! People said I was a real hothead! And guess what the Scots did?"
Mike said, "Killed you?"
"How could they kill me? I'm here!"
"Oh, yeah, that's right! I forgot!"
Rafe said, "They tortured you?"
"Nope! They ransomed me back right quick. And you know why?"
Collectively they all said, "No--why?"
Hotspur roared with laughter. "BECAUSE THEY COULDN'T STAND ME ARGUING WITH THEM ALL THE TIME! Yep! I could start a fight in an empty room!" The men all roared with laughter. "OK-moving right along--#3 Best flirting techniques. Easy--the direct method. Get them in a quiet spot and then just go like a bull in a china shop! Don't give them any time to think about it! Or time to back out or say no! Works every time! Almost worked..."
He saw John and changed the subject. Hotspur cleared his throat. "Yes. Well. Question #4--How many times have I been in lust?"
Jerry said, "You may want to re-read that question, Hotspur."
Hotspur looked closely at his paper. "Oh. OH! LOVE! Well! That's a different story, isn't it? Love--nope, not for me! Not yet! She'd have to have alot of land, though. A bonny face and a dynamite body--dime a dozen! But show me a lass with all that AND property and I could probably fall in love real easily!" Visions of expanding his manorlands and what might have been flashed through his head. He looked at John and then looked away at his paper again.

"Number 5--the Genie one. Easy. I wish I could go back and reclaim the Percy lands. But in this century. I'd kick that mall right out of there, demolish it and build Alnwick Castle again! Maybe even buy the de Tonei lands at a foreclosure or something. Would have loved to get my hands on THAT land..."
"Number 6--Cast a spell or a curse. That one is a piece of cake. Easy as pie! I'd curse Lady Alice de Clifford. When I was 23 she threatened to tell my father on me for a slight breach of etiquette. She screamed and yelled for a country mile. And as I informed her that it was her word against mine, do you know what she did? She kicked me in the arse when my back was turned! Yep, she did! And for that I would like to put the evil eye on her forever!"

"OK--let me wrap up this torture. Initials, huh? This has to be a 'wench' thing! William CAN be wordy!" Hotspur raised his hand to William's protest--"I would use 'verbose' but only if I were Teutonic--you know how they get their 'w' and ' v ' mixed up. You could be "wer-bose". Everyone laughed at Hotspur's reasoning. "OK, let's get this over with. Mike--merry. If given the chance. Daniel--dashing! Hey, I like the guy! Roger--resolute. Jerry--joker! Henry--hefty, no offense but you are! Jack--jen-tleman."

At this point no one wanted to correct Hotspur and point out that 'gentleman' started with a 'g' and not a 'j'. Not when he had downed at least 8 beers.
Luke--lively. When he's not composing those thundering 5th sym-sympathies!
Slim--I'd consider you 'salty' with your ribald jokes. Rafe--randy! You and Slim could be bookends! And John--I'd call you 'Johnny-on-the-spot' because you rescued me from Henry when he came at Rosamond and me with that sword. Yeah, yeah, I know it was an accident. But thanks just the same!"
Then Hotspur yelled out, 'REFILLS ARE ON ME!" and let out a burp and a belly laugh.


LUKE'S TURN..............by Coralynn

"I'll go next," Luke says, "I've been listening to the rest of you, and I think I have some good answers figured out."
The other men stop guzzling long enough to focus their eyes on Luke, or at least a few of them are able to focus.
"My strangest dream, which has recurred on a regular basis, is that I get up in front of an orchestra and find I have no score in front of me, just an empty music stand. The players are staring at me, ready for me to give the opening downbeat, but alas, I've even forgotten what piece we're performing. The audience begins to boo, and, when the sound hits a mighty crescendo, I run off the stage, totally humiliated."
"Ever happen in real life?" Jack asks him.
"Not just like that, no. One time, though, when the orchestra was prepared to perform my 3rd Symphony, I announced we were doing my 6th, which caused mass confusion, as the players didn't have that score. A few hearty souls tried to play it from memory, but it was a disaster. The stage manager then tiptoed out and told me I'd announced the wrong symphony. So I then announced to the audience that we had decided to play the 3rd Symphony as an encore. I actually got away with it, and it was never recorded in any of those bios people have written about me over the years."

He stops, as the sound of snoring is coming from the group. Everyone looks around to see where it's coming from, and see Henry8 with his eyes closed, his head drooping down, and mighty sounds coming from his mouth. Hotspur pokes him to no avail. William walks over to where Henry is slumped and gathers up a hank of hair and pulls as hard as he can.
"muffggghhkkk," Henry emits as his eyes open wide. "Why'd you do that, William? I was just resting!"
"No more beer for Henry!" Luke says with good humor, "Now, the next question is what is my largest regret? Well, maybe that I never married and had children..."
"You could still have had kids, stud!" Daniel yells out.
"Alas, no. Going on.....my best flirting technique. I was always too self-centered to flirt. I figured I was this towering genius, and if the ladies found that attractive, fine! William can attest to my total lack of hygiene, too. Matted hair, unpleasant smells, and food strained clothing. Sometimes I didn't change my clothes for......." he looks at William.
"....a year and a half!" William fills in, laughing.
"Luke, remember, I can help you out.....I have this book..." Slim cuts in.
Luke laughs and tells him, "Ya know, Slim, I think I should look at that book you have.....come over tomorrow and I'll read through it.........I need the help!"

"How many times have I been in love is the next question: Probably never. I know, I wrote one of the most romantic numbers ever to be played on the piano.........you know, that Moonlight Sonata.......so it must be I have it in me to fall in love, but, alas."
"How about Marilyn?" someone yells out.
"She is a delight and I love her, but somewhere along the line, the romance went out of it. For one thing, she doesn't treat me like a suitor, just like good old Luke who writes music........ahhhhh yes. Good old Luke! But, if I found a Genie in a bottle, I might get the Genie to fire her heart. If I could cast a spell or curse? I know! The people responsible for the movie we rented a few weeks ago, remember, Henry? "Immortal Beloved." What a big mess of lies that was. Had me in love with my sister in law. Hey, you guys never got a look at my sister-in-law! Most of her teeth were rotted or gone and she must have outweighed me by 100 pounds. In love with that?! I think not! My curse would cause the idiot who wrote that script to have permanent writers block."

"Now, to see if I can match your names up with other words. Oh boy, let's see: William: wellspring, as in font of knowledge, how's that? Daniel: defiant, John: just, as in level-headed, Roger: refined, as in he listens to my music on CD, just wish I was getting the money from those sales! Think I ought to put in a claim for residuals?" The men shout encouragment, like "Go, Luke!" "Get yours!"
"Jerry and Jack: ya know, you guys, I've run out of "J" words.......the good ones have already been used! Sorry! Rafe: rapacious, Slim: slick, Mike: mysterious, you did come from the Lost Continent of Atlantis; it doesn't get much more mysterious than that!.....Hotpur: haughty, let's face it Hots, you do think you're the greatest warrior the world has ever produced!......Henry? Are you awake over there, Henry? highbrow because you fancy yourself a composer of songs. Some of them aren't half bad, Hen, but then again, they are also not half good!"
Henry would have taken that as an insult, had he not at that moment, fallen back asleep.


MARTHY'S TURN.......by Terri

Celeste finished putting the last of the herbal mask on Bess' face. All seven of the women sat there with green stuff all over them. Rose looked in the mirror and said, "We look like we are molding!" Eleanor said, "But I can feel the impurities being sucked out and the pores shrinking already! Marilyn, how long did you say we had to keep this on?"
Marilyn explained, "Fifteen minutes." Beth said, "We aren't going to morph into some hideous mask like on that one Twilight Zone episode, are we?
Bess was shocked. "Bethia! YOU watch Twilight Zone?" Bethia smiled a frozen smile which was about as good as it got under that herbal mask. "Roger is what he calls a 'zonie'. He knows every episode by heart--can you believe it?"
Marthy said, "I thought he would watch all those medical shows where they show gruesome operations."
"No, he 'chills out' with Rod Serling. Calls him a genius ahead of his time."
Celeste set the timer. "Fifteen minutes. Let's hear someone else's story before we wash this off and follow up with a toner. Who's next?"
Rose said, "Marthy!" Marthy protested but the girls started chanting, "Marthy! Marthy! Marthy!" Marthy blushed but got up. Bess yelled out, "YOU GO, GIRL!"

Marthy turned red and said, "OK, but nothing leaves this room, right?"
"Absolutely!" "We'll put it in the 'vault'!" Everyone laughed at that. Marthy stretched her legs out and then crossed them yoga-style.
"Question #1--Strangest dream. Hmmm...I dreamed I was milking a cow one time and she wouldn't stop. The bucket never filled, the cow never quit. I remember when I woke up my hands were sore."
Eleanor, being practical, said, "Did you check for a hole in the bucket?"
Marthy frowned, "I never thought of that!" Bess hit her with a pillow in the head. "It was what they call a tongue-on-cheek question." Celeste said, "In. Tongue IN cheek!" All the girls started in with, "tongue ON cheek! HAHA!" "Ewwwwww!"

Question #2--largest regret? I'm a simple girl. Maybe that is what I regret. That I am nineteen now and that I should have learned the 'ways of the world' before now. I don't mean...THAT way...I mean makeup and clothes and hair..."
Bess interrupted with, "Marthy, they didn't HAVE makeup and hotrollers and gel in the 13th century."
Rose and Eleanor both quipped, "We did have some stuff!" "We used to get the red berries for our lips." Rose added, "Remember the nightshade we used to take to dilate our pupils and make the eyes sparkle?" "OH! And the arsenic we used to take to whiten our skin?"
The other girls just stared open-mouthed at them. Rose and Eleanor looked up from their giggles and said, "WHAT?"

Beth blurted out, "You were poisoning yourselves!" Rose drew herself up and said, "Hey, it was important to look good!" Eleanor said imperiously, "Didn't you know that Rose and I were druggies in the name of beauty?" With that they dissolved into laughter again.
Marthy said, "Enough! I don't think I want to know any more of your dark secrets! Now--Question #3--best flirting technique--easy! Book knowledge! I want to be able to carry on a conversation with someone who is smart. I read as much as I can!"
Marilyn piped in with, "That's true! She's voracious!"

"Question #4--How many times have you been in love?" Marthy blushed. "Once."
Rose said kindly, "Ongoing?" "Un-huh." "Reciprocated?" "I don't know yet."
Then Bess said in a sing-song voice, "Oh-0h! Marthy got her first kiss! Marthy got her first kiss!" Celeste said, "There HAVE been a few changes since last slumber party!"
Marthy shook her head as if to clear it. "Question #5--the genie. I want a house with a picket fence and a yard full of kids. And a stable.."
Bess smirked, "And a stableboy to go with it..." Marthy smacked her leg and hissed, "Shut up!" Beth laughed and said, "Hey, there's a house just like that on the next block! I heard it's going up for sale by next year..."

"Question #6--Spell or curse...has to be on Henry2! That lech chased me around the castle so much I felt like I was on a treadmill. Up and down the stairs..like a stairmaster! One time he caught me in the corner, put both hands alongside me and leaned in to kiss me. He..."
"Go on!" "Don't stop now, Marthy!" "Yeah, tell us the good stuff!"
Marthy blushed and he said, "Ah, Rosamond, darling..you have come back to me!"
I slipped down and crawled out between his legs and at that moment, he passed out!"
Rose said, "Yeah, he did that alot!"
"Question #7--oh boy! Initials! Celeste--comforting! Like me mam! Beth--benelovent. Bess--bonny! Marilyn--mercurial. Yep, I'm learning big words now! Eleanor--wow! here goes! EMINENCE! And Rosamond--reconite. That means 'hidden away' and another word for mystical! Because William always said you were 'fey'. Guess that means 'otherworldly'. And you are!"
They all laughed. Celeste said, "Let's wash this goo off and tone our faces! To the bathroom, girls!
Bethia leaned over to Eleanor and said, "With my millions, I think I will buy that house with the white picket fence when it comes on the market--you never know when it will be needed!"


WILLIAM'S TURN.......by Coralynn

"Now that it's my turn, Henry, I'd appreciate it if you could stay awake. Something about that snoring does take away from the narrative, know what I mean? Before I begin, howerver, I would like to commend you all on not coming up with any mischievous ideas regarding the women next door. You have obviously learned your lesson from the disaster last time. You don't want to fool with a group that contains the likes of Eleanor and Marilyn, and some of the others have used them for role models, so beware!"
Slim, Rafe, Hotspur and Jerry look at each other and grin knowing smiles. Oh-ho, William, how naive can you be?

"For my strangest dream: I used to have a dream in which I fell off my horse. Yes, really, right off my horse into the oncoming warriors with drawn swords. There I'd be, lying helplessly while they bore down on me. Woke me right up! Haven't had that dream since I've spent so much time in the 21st Century! No.....now I dream about some of you getting yourselves into trouble. It wieghs on my mind."
"Poor William has the blues!" John remarks, "His kiddies are misbehaving. I have it! Why don't you, Luke, and your combo, compose and perform a number called "St. William's Blues?"
"Will do!" Luke agrees.
William tries to be jolly about it, but can't quite carry it off.
"Now, my largest regret........oh there have been so many.......well, one that comes to mind is when I was careless enough to leave my credit card numbers out in view, and Eleanor, Rose, and Beth charged it up over it's max. This took place in the first 48 hours we were in this Century, too! How three women could catch on to modern shopping so rapidly I'll never know! Now that I think back on it, though, it was rather amusing. For those of you who weren't with us at the time....you should have seen the gowns and the jewelry and shoes and oh my it just went on and on. That's when I told them they all had to get jobs. And ya know what? They did! Amazing. I'll have to hand it to them.....John, too.......they got jobs and soon we had enough to move to the house on Winding Willow, you know, guys, the one the women are in as we speak.....the house we are going to ignore for the evening, if you get my drift."
Several of the men wink and a few thumbs up are seen, but not by William.
"My best flirting technique? Good God, what is a flirting technique? I can't imagine it......."
"I can loan you my book....." Slim's voice is heard again.
"Ah Slim, it's nice to have an expert on the premises, but I may be just a tad too old for all this foolishness. More's the pity!"
The sound of Henry snoring gets louder.
William walks over to him and yanks on his hair again. This time Henry wakes up but doesn't ask why William did that. He just rubs his head.
"How many times have I been in love? Well, not with my wife Matilda or Maud or whatever we called her. That was an arranged marriage. She was OK, but the damsel I had my eye on was Jennifer the scullery maid. Now there was a beauty! She used to come to my room to bring me fresh towels...."
"And?" "And?!" the men yell out. "...then my wife got jealous and sent her to work for one of her friends. So the answer to the question is: once. Hey, fellas, it's not a good idea to already be married when the love of your life comes along!"
"Didn't that used to be the title of a song?" Roger asks. Jerry and Slim, the only two others born in the modern time frame, who concur, "I think so!" "Yeah, sorta like that!"
"If I found a Genie in a bottle I would ask him or her to please stand guard over my rosebushes so that nothing bad ever happens to them again. Same thing with the spell or curse: anybody comes close to my flowers GETS it, like an electrical charge going through them, knocking them out."
"All those answers wasted on rosebushes?!" Slim blurts out.
"Young man, every one has a passion. A hobby that makes his days brighter. An activity that brings out his creativity....."
"Right!" Rafe agrees, "Everyone has a reason for being.....a talent....."
"Will someone stuff a rock in Dr. Phil, I mean, Dr. Rafe's mouth?" Hotspur laughs.
"Now, the hardest one because most of the really good words have already been used.....the Initials. Daniel is dangerous, but only to himself. John is jaunty.....never mind, it's the only 'J' I could think of....Roger is respected, I think we all agree on that.......Jerry, oh no, not another 'J'....juvinile? Hmmm, why not? Those silly things you did when you were a frat boy fit into that category! Jack....aaaaakkkkk, not another "J".....justifiable. I don't know either Jack, get that puzzled look off your face, I just went for a "J" word. Slim...snazzy, now that's a good fit! Mike, modest.........oh my.....that's is funny! You were modest as long as they made you wear that blasted chastity grid, aye, my boy?"
"How right you are!" Mike yells out, "But that thing is now rigged to catch mice in the basement!"
After the laughter subsides, William finishes up, Hotpants.....hardy. Henry? HENRY!! Wake that guy up, somebody! HENRY IS HORRIBLE!" he yells right in the other man's ear. Henry wakes up and staggers to the keg.
"Not so fast!" William yells, "I haven't done the L for Luke yet!" he goes over, yanks Henry back down onto the floor, which causes both of them to fall in a pile.
Luke stands up and announces, "Luke is Liable to tie you to a chair if you keep this up, Henry! Oh what the hell, let's refill!"


SLIM'S TURN......by Terri

"Let's speed things up!" Hotspur said. "May I?" he pointed to the liquor cabinet.
Henry said "Be my guest!" Hotspur said, "I learned something. Everyone hold out their mugs." Eleven mugs were thrust toward him. He added a generous dollop of Scotch to each mug. "It's called a boilermaker. Bottoms up, men!"

All twelve mugs were upended. It wouldn't be a pretty sight in about fifteen minutes. They were already well on their way to an alcoholic nirvana.
Luke stood up. "Who's next to reveal their hidden secrets?"
Slim stood up. "I'll get this over!" He swaggered up, looking more and more like the Marlboro man who needed a shave two days ago. Very macho. He squinted at the paper. "I'll *hic* give it a go. Number #1--strangest dream. I was at a monster truck ralley, follow me so far? I'm about to jump my truck over ten--TEN, mind you!--cars! But guess what? I'M OUT OF GAS! The crowd starts booing me. Talk about humiliating! Ever since that dream I keep a full tank in her!"
"Number #2--largest regret. I'm kind of ashamed to admit this one but I blackmailed Billy Bob Montgomery to the tune of 100,000.00 to keep quiet about his marriage to my sister." John jumped up. "You knew about it all that time and didn't say a WORD?" Slim held his hand up. "Whoa! Easy, fella! That was the old Slim and that was before I knew you well! I was just looking for easy money!" John rubbed his jaw, "I guess so...at least you came through for her later!"
"Damn straight I did!"
"Question #3--What is your best flirtiing technique?" Everyone groaned. "OK, OK, but now you have to listen to ME--without interruption! It was the Advanced Macking Seduction manual. 39.95 with a bonus booklet, "Lazy Man's Guide to One Night Stands!" I tried this on...I tried this. OK, first you lean into her. Talk real mellow, talk real slow. Talk softly and lean in to her ear. You want to get her from 'nervous' to 'eager' in about 90 seconds! Then--and I like this part!--you let your knuckles brush against her...knockers?" The guys were rolling on the floor laughing. "The book guarantees she'll start leaning in towards your hand, looking forward to it!"

'Did it work?" John asked, not knowing he used this technique on Rosamond.
Slim said sadly, "I thought so. Until the woman in question ordered me a boilermaker and leaned seductively towards me.." The guys were hanging on Slim's every word-- "..and she grabbed me by the waistband and pulled me towards her.." the guys were leaning forward "..and she dumped the entire drink, ice and all, down my pants!" The guys leaned forward so far that Daniel and Rafe fell forwards off their chairs. They hooted and hollered. John yelled out, "What a prude that woman must have been! Passing up a good time with you!" Slim said, "I wouldn't call her THAT!"
Then he continued. "Question #4--how many times have you been in love? Twice. Once from afar. Her name was Donna Montgomery. Married a guy named Lyle. I worshiped her from afar. She never knew I existed." He thought to himself, No, but her brother sure knew who I was! "Second time--hell, I can't even remember her name right now!" They all laughed.
"Number 5--the Genie. What would I ask for? Money--on account of I never had it growing up. That and class. Class is something you can't buy."
The guys said, "Hey, Slim, you DO have class, don't ever doubt it!"
"Question #6--the curse or spell. "I'd put a curse on Wanda Sue for what she did to my Falcon. It was a fine piece of automobile, Ford's finest out of Dee-troit and she had to tear it up! I lent it to her because she said she had to look up an old friend in New York. Hell, I thought she was donating a kidney or something! Turns out she saw Billy Bob's wedding announcement and went to New York to cause trouble. Last time I saw that car it was on the flat-bed of a wrecker. I actually stood in the street and wept!" And Slim wiped a little tear from his eye. The guys held a moment of silence for the dearly departed little Falcon.

"Question #7--since we are in this, uh, state of bliss...here goes! Daniel--drunk! William--wasted! Hotspur--hammered! Luke--likkered up! Rafe--rabid! John--juiced up! Mike--muddled. Roger--revelled. Jerry--jugged. Jack--doubled jugged! Henry--high!"

Slim then took a bow amid all the clapping. He then announced, "And if that genie ever does give me a million bucks, the first thing I'm gonna do is--buy each of you guys a copy of that book!"
Hotspur yelled out, "A round of maker-boilers....boilermakers...all around, lads!"
The scotch bottle got passed around until it was empty. Empty--along with their empty heads.


ROGER'S TURN.........by Terri

"These ribs are really good, Luke. Where did you get them?"
"A little place down the way called 'Adam's Ribs'. Try the cole slaw--ambrosia! Cabbage shredded by the angels!"
John picked up the wings. "I really like the jerk chicken."
"That came from Dogwater's Cafe, that place that advertises, 'we treat you like the dog that you are' and serves your food in a dogfood bowl!"
William looked up. "Get that thought out of your heads, guys. There will be NO food fights tonight. First one that throws food gets kicked out--including you, John!"
John paused with chickenbone in hand as he was lining it up as a missle to shoot at Daniel's head. "Awwww...."
Luke said, "While we are dining and feasting--notice the only vegetables are cole slaw and potato salad..."
Daniel asked, "Hey! Who was Cole anyways, and how did he think to get his name on shredded cabbage?"
William said, "Very good question, Daniel--and I am surprised, hearing it from you! Cole slaw was invented in 1903 by Richard Hellman..."
"The mayonnaise guy?"
"..the very one! It came from the Dutch 'kool-sla' which means cabbage salad."
Daniel said, "And that became COOL-SLA or cole slaw! This is great stuff!"
Roger said, "I heard the Dutch eat it hot."
"Aww, yuck!" Daniel said.
Luke had put a CD on and the stereo was blasting the Rolling Stones. Daniel was singing along to 'Honkey Tonk Women'.
"OK, while we're finishing up eating, who's next?"
Roger wiped his mouth with a napkin. "I'll take center stage. Thankfully no babies are do this week and if they come early, Dr. Filbert is covering." Jerry said, "Dr. Filbert--what a nut!" They all started laughing.

Roger wiped his hands on the seat of his pants. "Don't tell Bethia I just did that! She's such a stickler for protocol! OK--question #1--Strange dream. I'm ready to take my exams for my medical license and my pencil breaks. You know how you have to fill in those little circles? My #2 pencil breaks. No pencil sharpener. I ask everyone in the class, 'do you have a #2 pencil?' and they all say the same thing. 'Sorry--only a #3 pencil.' So I am desperately looking for a #2 pencil and I look up and I find it. Only one problem."
"What's that?"
"The dean of the college has the pencil alright--but both of pencils are stuck in his nose! Like Belushi in Animal House!"
"Ewww!" "Gross!"
Roger smiled, "Yeah, that was a great movie. I was in college when that movie came out! We even had those toga parties. I was wondering....." "Wondering what?" "Yeah, what?"
Roger smiled in reminiscence. "Oh, never mind! Question #2--largest regret. Hmm. I guess it had to do with Ruth, my first wife. She didn't want any kids and I knew it before I married her. But I thought, hey, I can change her mind. Nope. No kids for her. I wasted five years trying to convince her. Then she pulled all that Mafia stuff and got herself killed. If I had only listened to my mom. She always said, 'you can't change a leopard's spots!' And boy was she right! Worked out OK now because she just loves Bethia. And now that Bethia's..." Roger caught himself.
"Bethia's what?" "Yeah, what is she?"
"I--I meant to say now that Bethia is designing clothes, Mom thinks that is just great and that I hit the jackpot with her! Sometimes I think she likes Bethia more than me!"
"Question #3--flirting technique. Bethia said I do this and I am not even aware of it. She says I wink!" "Wink? WINK?"
"Yep! She said it used to--well, it still does!--drive her wild! She said my mouth would crinkle up at the same time. She says I look like a mischievous little boy!"
Jerry rumpled Roger's hair. "Awww...how sweet, Woger!" The guys had finished their food and Luke said, "Hold it! We missed a round!" They all got their mugs refilled and sat down again. "OK--resume!"
"Question #4--how many times have I been in love? Guys, I'm 34--I guess a few. But when I met Bethia I said to myself, 'I'm in love for the last time in my life!'"
"Roger! We had no idea you were so romantic!"
"Yeah, no wonder he's an OB-GYN! Nice bedside manner, Rog!"
"Question #5--the ominous Genie! I'd ask for eternal life so I could spend forever with Bethia and not get older..but that's asking alot, huh!"

Slim leaned over to Jack. "What? What the hell is he talking about? I don't get it. Rafe mentioned 1777---Hotspur talking about the Percy estates...something fishy is going on here." Jack shushed him and said, "Later, Slim. Just go with the flow!'
Slim picked up his mug and shouted out, "Oh! Yeah! Good choice, Roger!"
Whatever that means! Slim thought.
"Number 6--I'm getting down to the wire now...the spell or curse. I'd curse any man who would hurt or abuse a child. I'd turn him into a kid himself and send him to the orphanage that Oliver Twist went to for a week. See how he liked to be abused!"

"And last but not least--#7 the Initials. Wow! I would have to go almost last! OK--Hotspur--hip! Daniel--discreet--NOT!! John--jazzed. Rafe--right on! Slim--savvy. Henry--hep! Not hip-hep! Like a hep cat! William--whimsical. Yeah, I'm desperate here! Jack--just Jack! That's all! Mike--mirthful. Jerry--a jerk! And I can say that because he's my best friend!"
Henry stood up and yelled, "TO THE TAPPER, MEN! AND DON'T BARF UNTIL YOU SEE THE WHITES OF THEIR EYES!"
Someone said, "Yeah, right, Henry! Everyone's is red now!"
"So let's pass the Visine!"
"Henry--there ain't enough Visine in the world to cure what we have!"


BESS' TURN..........by Coralynn

"You go next, Bess! I wanna sit here and heckle you like you did me!" Marthy nudges her friend.
"Alight, but it won't be anywhere near as spicy as yours! I think I have the questions about memorized now, too. My strangest dream was of getting lost in the woods near our Inn. They were thick and dark, and some said dangerous creatures lurked in the woods, so naturally I was frightened of the thought of being there by myself, which is just what my bad dream was about. I couldn't find my way out no matter how hard I tried. Strangely enough, I haven't had that dream once since I've been here!"

"What or who do you dream about Bess?" Marthy asks, "That big hunk Rafe? Hmmmm? Come clean with us, now!"
Bess takes a minute to think, then answers, "I was so disgusted with his behaviour after we got here that I hated the sight of him, and felt kind of betrayed. My so-called knight in shining armor turned out to be nothing but a common thief. Have you noticed how changed he's been lately?"
"Yeah! I noticed that, too!" Beth says.
"I wondered if it was my imagination!" Eleanor admits.
"What do you suppose is the reason for his about-face?" Marilyn asks.
Celeste laughs and shouts out, "He's been watching Dr. Phil on television, that's what I heard."
"Wow!" Bess exclaims, "I guess all he needed was someone to set an example or advise him or something. I almost like him now....."
"I feel romance in the air!" Marthy groans.
"Never you mind.......I've gotta tell what my largest regret is. Hmmm, I don't have a big one because living in 1777 wasn't my idea, it just 'was'.....and being involved with Rafe was understandable......how many girls who work in their parent's Inn have any excitement in their lives? So, no regrets. My best flirting technique? Surely you jest! I'm way too simple and direct for that. Maybe I can learn, though. Marilyn's movies might give me a few tips. Think so, Marilyn?"
"If you behave the way I did in those movies you might attract too many guys, honey. Just be yourself and you'll be fine."
"Oh good, because I'm not sure I could carry off that flirting stuff. I'd look ridiculous. How many times have I been in love? None. There's a difference between being smitten and being in love. So at least I have that to look forward to. If I found a Genie in a bottle........I'd ask to be as smart as Marthy is. I really should read like you do. Anybody want to be my tutor?"
Several hands go up.
"If I could cast a spell, hmmmmm, ya know, I have no idea. OK, the initials thing: Celeste is contagious......no, you aren't sick, you just have an infectious way of spreading cheer. Eleanor is entertaining.......yeah, she is, ever see her do her Wonder Woman sportcast? It's hilarious!....Rose is radiant, and for good reason.......Beth is bountiful. You need a place to live? She buys another house!" They all laugh.

Marthy, my best buddy over there is magnetic. She walks by the refrigerator and clank! sticks to the door! Marilyn is......Miss Movie Star...the brightest light you'll ever see, and more a star in real life than even in the movies. Is that everyone? Good. Whew, I did it!"
They all clap and cheer as she grins and punches Marthy in the arm again.


MIKE'S TURN.............by Coralynn

"I go next!" Mike says eagerly. When he stands to answer the questions, he's very steady on his legs. Hotspur notices this and yells out, "Hey Mike! How come you aren't weaving around like the rest of us?"
Mike's face breaks out in a wide grin as he holds his mug aloft.
"See this? It's still my first mug, that's why! Nobody has noticed, but even when I go for a refill, I just put in a few drops to keep it looking full. Then I sip it very slowly. I must be the only sober guy at this party!"
"Cheater!" several voices yell out.
"It's this way, though," Mike continues, "In Atlantis the men weren't allowed alcoholic beverages....."
Slim can't stand it any longer, "Atlantis!? Come on, what's going on here?"
Mike looks at Slim, wondering why he doesn't know about the time travel. "Surely, Slim, you were brought here by William from another Century, weren't you?"
"Hell no!"
"Well, some of us were. Getting back to my answers......."
"Other centuries?!" Slim isn't satisfied with Mike's answer.
"Yeah. Next question: my largest regret......being so passive when I lived in Atlantis. I never tried to rebell. I was even too timid to meet with the revolutionaries down by the river. It took Eleanor to free me...."
"Eleanor? What does she have to do with anything?" Slim is about to pop.
"My best flirting technique......well, I tried to flirt with Marthy when she and Marilyn were in Atlantis....."
"Marthy and Marilyn were in Atlantis? Come on, get real!"
The men closest to Slim hush him up.
"I did pinch Marthy's bottom once, if that's a flirting technique....."
"Sounds good to me!" Hotspur congratulates him.
"She didn't want me, though. She said she had a boyfriend back in the 21st century....."
Jack's face reddens as all the men stop and look his way.
"How many times have I been in love? Never. That ought to be fun though......to hear you guys tell it. Hope it happens before I get as old as......"
"William?" some of the men fill in the blank.
"If I found a genie in a bottle I would ask the genie to teach me all about the history of the last several thousand years. I really took a leap forward when I was brought here!"
"Thousands of years? And you call yourself sober?" Slim is incredulous.
"If I could cast a spell, I'd cast it on Slim so he'd stop asking those questions!" Mike says to cheering and foot stomping.
"Now those initials: this is impossible. I'll try, but don't be offended if the words are crazy. William.....Willie Wonka.....yeah, I saw that movie. Daniel, dandelion, that is a weed, isn't it?.....John...ummmm, janitor. OK, OK, so he's not a janitor. I just found out the other day what a janitor was and I've gotta use it on someone! Roger......riveting. That's not very good, oh well. Jerry.....jolly. Jack.....juniper. I know it's a tree, sorry about that. Rafe.....renegade. Slim.....Shut up!......Hotspur....horney. Got that that one right, huh? OK! Henry......hysterical? Luke......limerick."
"You were right, Mike, those are horrible!" Daniel yells out.
"Get that boy likkered up!" Hotspur yells as Mike sits down again and takes a very small sip.


ELEANOR'S TURN.......by Coralynn

"El-len-or! El-len-orr!" the women chant as Eleanor picks up her list of questions and clears her throat.

"You sound like that chant they used to have when I was in the jousting tournaments," she tells them, chuckling, "That was fun, too. I'd win, then I'd take off my helmet and my red hair would fall down and let me tell you, the first time it happened, the place went wild. I loved it!"

Rose tells the newer members, "She got her picture in the paper, too. It said 'Eleanor of Aquitaine rides again!' If only they'd known how right they were!"
Bess and Marthy gape at Eleanor. "Wish I'd seen that!" Marthy exclaims.
"Ah yes, one of my finer hours! But.....let me dispatch these questions right now. My strangest dream. I dream Henry has me locked up. That's Henry the Second for you youngsters, not the Henry we have next door in the castle. To this day I dream he has me locked up, which he really did, of course, but why I continue to have that dream I don't know, but I wish it would go away!"
"Were you chained up?" Bess' eyes are huge with horror.

"No, dear. I could even go outside a bit, but I was always heavily guarded." she shudders, "Next question: what is my largest regret? That's easy! Marrying Henry! Now this next one is silly.....about flirting techniques......I don't flirt. If a man is attracted to me, he has to do the heavy flirting to get me interested, not the other way around."
"Did Jerry flirt with you?" Bess and Marthy ask together.
"I suppose he did. However, he was so interesting that things just clicked. Nobody had to play any games. If I did have a flirting technique, though, I would probably lower my head and look up through these magnificent eyelashes till the man was no more than a pool of butter on the floor!"
"Yahoooo!" "You go girl!"
"How many times have I been in love? I was in love with Henry for maybe a year, maybe two, then it all went terribly wrong, but I have to count that, don't I? I know what you're going to ask: am I in love with Jerry. Sure. What's not to love?"
"Are you going to get married?" Marthy asks breathlessly, "You would make a beautiful bride."
"Thank you, dear, your flattery will get you everywhere! But I'm not big on marriage anymore. I might live with him, that could happen, but not for now."
Bethia laughs, "The Puritans would put you on the dunking stool just for saying something like that, El!"
"Wouldn't they just? What a bunch of fanatics they were. Glad we got you out of there, Beth. You were by far the smartest woman in town, and being that intelligent would have eventually landed you in a peck of trouble."
"It almost did! Remember how the other goodwives scolded me, then that Reverend and that Constable reprimanded me for being wicked because I admired the clothes you and Rose were wearing? Then they told that creep Caleb who hit me and threw me on the floor. Thank you for taking me out of there!"

"It's our pleasure, Beth. You were probably born in that time frame by mistake! You sure didn't fit in. Going on: If I found a Genie in a bottle. Oh yes, I would ask that her to rain blessings down upon you all. How a Genie would do that I don't know, but then it would be her task to figure it out. The curse or spell? Ohhhhh yeah, let's put a curse on Henry2.....let him never again bed a woman. Let him go limp at the sight of a lovely, naked woman, and when I say limp, I mean limp!"
The women hoot with laughter.

"Now.......the initials thing. Are there any good word left? Let me give it a whirl: Celeste is charming, civilized, cheerful, classy, comely, confident......one of those words must be left over! You are really an angel, though, Celeste, and we've been blest to have you in our family." she turns to Bess and Marthy, "She was hired to be a cleaning lady. I shudder to put that label on her, she is our Mum, our Guardian Angel, our wise advisor, and has a way with a crystal ball!"
Celeste gets up and bows as the others clap and cheer for her. "I am proud to be your Mum!" and sits down.
Rosamond is Rip-Roaring.........oh my, girls, those of you who didn't know her when we first got to the 21st century really missed something! She picked out the furniture for the house, and, because she was ticked off with me, bought children's bunk beds with bedspreads that had little sailboats on them, for Bethia and me to use in that small bedroom back there, you know the one. She was so proud that at last she had put me in my place."
Rose howls with laughter, "I was terrible!"

"Ahhhh dear Rose, how far we've come. How happy I am that you and John are going to be married, though, kiddo, there were times I had my doubts. What a 'trip' it's been!"
"I wish I'd seen those early days with you after you first got here," Mailyn says, "It must have been so elegant!"

"We would have made a good Punch n Judy show! But, going on: Bethia, our sweetheart who has always been honest and outspoken and hey, just plain smart......do you know William never yelled at her? He thought she was perfection. So, Bethia is bravissimo! HA! Nobody said you had to use English words! And Marthy, you are magnifico! Bess, you are bellisimo!! Marilyn, you are...uhhhh....I already used magnifico, didn't I? OK, Marilyn, you should have your face on MOUNT Rushmore! I know, I know, that's cheating! Anybody want a spot of wine? Do we have some around here?"
"Ell--ennn-orr!" they begin to chant again as the wine is poured.


DANIEL'S TURN........by Terri

The guys looked out the window. "Lights are still on," Rafe observed. William narrowed his eyes. "Let the little ladies have their tea party, OK, guys? I am sure they are sipping on iced tea and eating cucumber sandwiches. That's what the ladies like."

John whispered to Jack, "I saw Celeste put some vanilla vodka in the freezer. She also had the blender out and in the pantry I saw a bottle of tequila and margarita salt. Tea party, my ass!" Jack said, "When I went to drop some stuff off to Henry for his roses, I saw Marilyn making stuff with graham crackers and marshmallow. Looked pretty good." "Those are s'mores." "What?" "S'mores." "How can they have more when she was just making them?" John just shook his head and sunk down in the deep leather chair. "Yeah, it must be a helluva teaparty."

They took a bottle of scotch and each took a swig out of it and passed it to their left.
Slim said, "Beats the hell out of grain alcohol!"
OK--who's next?" Henry was dozing off. William sighed and said, "We'll come back to him. OK--I guess it's just down to John and Daniel." Daniel and John were sizing each other up like dogs circling to fight. John said, "Well?" Daniel said, "WELL??"

John said, "I don't think this is such a hot idea. You remember how the last 'truth or dare' ended up, don't you, William?"
"Indeed I do. In light of past mistakes..."
Slim said,"Hey, Hotspur and Mike and I are new to this. You can't deny us the privilege of seeing the Gwinnett boys in action, right, guys?"
Hotspur and Mike both shouted, "Yeah!" "Go for it!"
Daniel and John looked at each other and raised their respective eyebrows. Hotspur said, "Damn! You can't tell each other apart!"
Daniel's eyes never left John's face. "And therein started the whole problem." Slim, Mike and Hotspur said, "What problem?" "Hey, what's going on?" "Yeah, tell us!"
John stared at Daniel. "Mano a mano, then, brother." Daniel said, "You asked for it. Let the games begin."
Roger leaned over to Jerry. "I'll cover John, you take Daniel if this gets physical"
"Will do."
Hotspur said to Slim, "I do believe that blood will be spilled! HOT DAMN! Haven't seen action like this since the Battle of Otterburn!"

Daniel got up and grabbed his list. "Question #1--strange dream. Not really a dream. My brother disappeared in 1640, never to be heard from again. I thought. It was rumored that the Indians had killed him and hid his body in the woods because he was a friend of Little Feather. That was the time his wife Elizabeth took off with the Rev. Jackson. Some rumors were floating around, too, that John had killed himself. I knew that wasn't true. I searched for three years for John. THREE YEARS! Only to find him in 2002. If that isn't bizarre, I don't know what is!"
Slim turned to Jack. "What's freaky is that I am starting to figure a few things out!"
"Shhhh!" Jack said.
"Question #2-largest regret. That it wasn't me in the woods that day William, Eleanor and Rosamond landed. Then I would have the girl. And I would have my daughter. And it would be MY bachelor party you all would be at."
John sat there and stared hard at his brother.

"Question #3--flirting technique. Tease them. Make your desires known to them. Lean in and put the moves on them and don't give them chance to think. Yep! That works!"
"Question #4--how many times have I been in love? I've had alot of women. Liked alot of women. Lusted after a lot of women. But loved a woman? Once. Still do. But she loves someone else. That's why we are here, isn't it? ISN'T IT, JOHN?"
John stood up. "Damn right that's why we are here!"
Jerry and Roger stood up. "OK, guys, just simmer down. Everyone take a deep breath. Thaaaat's right!"
Hotspur turned to Slim and said, "Hey! I'm beginning to think there's something more going on than meets the eye!"
Slim and Rafe both said, "SHHHH!" and their eyes were riveted but going back between John and Daniel. John sat back down. "You're not worth it, Daniel."
"Question #5--the quintessential Genie. Simple. I want Rosamond. I want my child."
John said, "Then that Genie of yours had better appear in the next 48 hours, Daniel. But I wouldn't count on it."
Daniel ignored him. "Question #6--a spell or curse. I'd put a curse on Billy Bob Montgomery for interfering with John and me. If it was just the two of us it would have been so much easier. But NO! He had to come along and screw it up for me."
"Question #7--Initials. I'm gonna pass on this one on account of I'm too drunk to think! Or care!"

Slim, Mike and Hotspur sat there with their mouths open. Hotspur said, "BOTH of them?"
Slim said, "Appears so! Maybe before the night is over we will find out how it all happened!"
Daniel sat down, drained because he practically laid his heart open for all to see and hear.
There was an awkward moment when no one knew what to say or do. But then Luke yelled out, "PARTY ON, DUDES!" and they stampeded to the bar.


CELESTE'S TURN...........by Coralynn

Marilyn announces, "And now.....ladies.....the Queen Mum!"
"Oh my, now I get to be royalty!" Celeste grins as she stands and bows to the cheering of the group. "My strangest dream is the one in which I dangle over the edge of a presipice, then decide what do I have to lose, let go, and float all the way down to the ground and land on my feet. I guess there's some lesson in that, but it escapes me at the moment! My largest regret.........I don't have any major regrets because my path through life, rocky as it sometimes was, brought me to this moment with you."
"Awwwwwwwww," comes from all the women.
"Flirting technique? I did flirt when I was young and full of vinegar. I used to sidle up next to a guy and say in my sexiest voice, 'hello, sailor, are you here by yourself?'"
"Did it work?" Marthy wants to know.
"Oh yes, it most certainly did work!" Celeste laughs at the memory, then sighs and goes on, "How many times have I been in love? Quite a few, though some of them are hazy because of the chemicals we were on back then. Maybe that would qualify as my largest regret. Why have a life full of excitement when you can't fully experience each thing because you're in a haze? Let that be a lesson to us all."

"I can't picture you stoned!" Marilyn says.
"Well, those were the days, Marilyn. You didn't experience those......since you checked out of the 20th century in 1962 and most of those hippy days were a few years later. But, I digress.......If I found a Genie in a bottle I would ask her to make it rain at night, and only at night. I hate going out in the rain during the day.....makes my hair wilt. I know, that's silly, but it's a pain having to keep my hair curly. If I could cast a spell or curse......oh my, there are some gentlemen over in the castle who are up to no good, mark my words, the evening is still young......my spell is that they meet with the same humiliation they did the last time they tried something." She looks at Eleanor and Marilyn and winks. They wink back.

OK, the initials......Eleanor is exciting. Has that word been used already? Anyway, she is always in the middle of exciting happenings. Stay around her and you are taken on the trip of a liftime! Rose is rambunctious. That sorta fits. Bethie is benevolent.......like one of you said earlier; if you have no place to live she buys you a house! Marthy is magestic, especially when she models Beth's clothing line. You should see how she struts down that runway! A serving wench? I think not! Bess is bashful, though not as bashful as she used to be. You've come a long way, Bess my girl! Marilyn.....oh what can I say about her? I know! Mighty Mouse! You don't expect aggression out of someone who appears so harmless, but you get in her way and she plows you under! First time I saw her punch out Daniel, I about swallowed my tongue in shock! After that, when she showed her feistiness it was expected, but still amazing. That gal has a mean upper cut! I mean that in the best possible way!"

Celeste sits as the others clap and cheer.


ROSAMOND'S TURN........by Terri

"Celeste, this lobster salad is divine!" Bethia exclaimed. "Can I save some for Roger?"
Eleanor looked out the window. "Maybe after tonight he won't deserve any lobster salad, Beth. I get the distinct feeling that a coup is in the works over there. Something that will make that panty raid seem like a church picnic."
Marilyn said, "After all, they have had a few months to hone their skills."
Rose looked up. "And they have added Slim and Hotspur to that volatile mix! Mike is a newborn babe compared to them. I am glad that Juanita's sister was available to keep the children overnight. Will just loves his 'Tia Maria'. She's wonderful with them."
Marilyn said, "Yeah, keep them away from the debauchery. When's the bed and breakfast opening?"
Rose stretched her legs out. "Tomorrow. Everything is all set to go. Can you imagine the look on Billy Bob's face if he knew what I had done to his beloved ranch?" She dissolved into giggles. Celeste, Marilyn and Eleanor looked at each other and tried to share in her laughter. Hopefully we won't ever have to find out, they thought.

Marthy said to Bess, "Pass the cheese straws. please! I can't get enough of them!"
Bess looked down at herself. "Looks like I will have to do double time at the gym. Are you still doing the aerobics class, Rose?"
Rose shrugged. "I guess so. He'd better still pay me, too. And we have two-three days at the studio a week. More during the sweeps week in November. Daniel is assistant manager at the fitness center now. But only if he and John are still talking after tonight." "Who's the best man, Rose? Daniel?"
"Heavens no! John felt that under the circumstances, it would be better not to. He IS an usher though. No, he and Roger have become really good friends so Roger is standing up for him. They have been getting up early and playing racquetball. And he is forever grateful to Roger for helping us with my pregnancy."
Bethia got a gleam in her eye and said, "Children make it all worthwhile, Rose. I heard John say he wants at least twelve children!"
"WHAT???!!! IS JOHN OUT OF HIS MIND OR WHAT?" Bethia dissolved into laughter. "I'm just teasing you, Rose! He said eleven seeing you already have Will!"
Rose laughed. "Well, that's a relief! I could manage eleven but not twelve!"
As the girls were feasting on their gourmet food, Bess said, "This sure beats the chow those guys are eating! Pizza and wings and ribs. Their cholesterol count must be through the roof!"
Celeste said, "There goes all of Jenny Craig's hard work!"
Eleanor said, "NOW! I think there is only one more person to bare her soul." Rose looked around. "Who? Who?"
"Come on, Rosamond! Your turn!" Bess and Marthy were rapturous. "YES! So much more to tell now that you and John are engaged!" Marthy and Bess were ever the romantics. Bess whispered to Marthy, "John is just so...so dashing! Like a cavalier!"
Rosamond stood up. "I guess it is only fair since you all had to go through this. But as the bride-to-be, can I ask to be exempt?"
"NO!" "NO WAY!" "GOTTA DO IT, ROSE!"
Rosamond sighed, "OK, let me have the paper. Since we are only slightly buzzed! Here goes!"

"Question#1--strangest dream. Hmmm! I've had a lot of strange dreams. Mostly they turned out to be real! I guess that would have to be the recurring nightmare I kept having when I got back from Court the second time. I kept dreaming that Henry2 was coming at me...he kept coming closer and I kept trying to scoot away from him. I was backed into a corner and I grabbed a knife..."
Bess and Marthy sat enraptured.
"...but I didn't have a chance to use it. Henry grabbed the knife by the blade and sliced his palm open. It enraged him even more and he pushed me against the wall. I must have passed out because I woke up with my dress in tatters and blood streaked on it and on my face and a headache that just wouldn't quit. There for a while I was afraid to go to sleep because I would keep replaying that scene over and over in my mind. And the ones who helped me through it were John and Eleanor. I woke up screaming one night and John sat up with me and held me and rocked me just like you would a child with a nightmare. He didn't ask questions, he was just...there. Eleanor helped me immensely, too. She sat me down and let me talk it out. I never told anyone about it except Eleanor. Because she was the one who found me and got me out of there. Amazing, isn't El? That you actually helped me get away from Henry and rescued me!"
Eleanor rubbed her fingernails on her shirt and blew on them. "It was a group effort, sweetie! I must admit I wouldn't leave a dog with Henry!"
Bess said, "But you left your kids there!"
Eleanor said, "Right! Henry deserved to get them!"
"Question #2--largest regret?"
Everyone said in unison, "Billy Bob Montgomery!"
Rosamond laughed and said, "On the nosie! You know that old saying, 'marry in haste, repent in leisure'? I can't believe I was so stupid! And we never told anyone-except maybe Bethia----" At this Bethia nodded "--but that was the weekend that John bought me this engagement ring and was going to propose that night. That was the night I dropped my little 'guess--what--I'm--Mrs.--Montgomery' on the family. And I wasted a whole year of my life. BUT we are going to make up for lost time!"

"Question #3--"What is your best flirting technique? I like men. And men know it."
Eleanor yelled out, "And everyone else knew it, too, Ro'!"
Rosamond continued. " I was always having to be bailed out of trouble. And it was usually John who came to the rescue. But now I can stand on my own two feet. I handled the Montgomery situation without John. And I am invincible--ALMOST! I still need John."
"Question #4--How many times have I been in love? Twice--no, three times. I did love Henry when I was a teenager. I did love Billy Bob Montgomery when I was dating him. That cooled off pretty fast when I married him. But deeply, deeply in love..."
Everyone shouted in unison, "JOHN!"
Question #5--ahh! The Genie! I would wish that time would stand still. We would all be friends forever and ever. And I wish true love for each and every one of you. Oh, and maybe that William and Henry could lose their weight painlessly!"

Question #6--Spell or curse? I would put a protective bubble around John and me. The line in the wedding vows? 'Let no man put asunder'? No one--and I mean NO ONE is going to keep me from marrying John in less than 48 hours!"
Celeste whispered to Eleanor and Marilyn, "From our lips to God's ear!"
Marilyn said, "Maybe I can retract my spell/ curse or ask the Genie for another favor. That Montgomery gets lost in Europe."

Rose exhaled. "OK, the last! Celeste--clairvoyant! Eleanor--enterprising! Bess--bubbly! Beth--believing. She always believed in John and me when the chips were down! Marthy--mushy! Don't deny it, Miss Stars-in-her-eyes! And Marilyn--macho! In a nice way! I couldn't say 'Femmo' but she knows what I mean. Dashing in with fists flying to fend off predators--especially the male type!"

Then Rose stood up. "I want to take this opportunity to thank you all for standing by me. I know I have been exasperating. Some of you have seen me through the worst--Daniel, Henry, Billy Bob, the National Enquirer. I know it hasn't been easy for most of you. And I just want to say...I love each and every one of you!"
And with that, Rosamond burst into tears.
Eleanor said softy, "And we love you, too, Rosamond. It's been...well, it's been a blast!"
And with that they all raised their margarita glasses (with Bethie drinking Sprite), "To John and Rosamond--long may they love!"


HENRY8's TURN...............by Coralynn

"WAKE UP, Henry, it's your turn!" several of the men yell at Henry, who is sitting there with his chin slumped onto his chest.
"What? What? Ohhhh, damn! Do I have to do that, too?"
"No one is exempt," John tells him, "Up you get, big fella!" he and Jerry get on either side of Henry and yank him onto his feet.
Henry stands there bobbing and weaving, but at least his eyes are open. He grabs a copy of the questions from Daniel and squints at them. "You guys actually answered these stupid questions?"
"You would know that if you hadn't slept through most of it," William chastises him.
"Low blood sugar, dontcha know! From the starvation diet I'm on. By the way, where's the food?"
"Most of it's been eaten. Here.......have some wings!" Jack hands him a plate.
Henry peers at the wings, then takes a bite......."Owwww! These things are just bones! Is this your idea of a joke?"
"They're Buffalo wings!"
"Well, we're not in Buffalo!"
"We aren't but you've sure been someplace else," William says, laughing, "Now answer the questions, Henry."
"Let's see, this first one asks.......describe your favorite scream. I don't scream, so there. Moving on...."
"That's 'dream,' not scream!" several men yell out.
Henry squints at the paper again, "Oh yeah......ok......I dream I'm swimming in the moat. You know, my own moat.........I was going to stock it with trout, but then again, some flesh eating fish would be more intimidating, so it just sits out there like a circular swimming pool! Next: my best flirting technique? Who made this list up, some dandy?"
"Marilyn!"
"Sounds like her. Well, I don't flirt. I say, "YOU, now!" and drag them off. I think I do anyway." he lists to the right, and would crash onto the floor, but Roger rushes over and props him up.
He squints at the paper again. How many times have I been in love? Hundreds. If I found a Genie in a bottle........I would tell the Genie to go get a life and stop it with the magic tricks. If I could cast a spell or curse. I might curse that Jenny Craig person, whoever she is. If not for deep frying, that 'food' that junk they call food would be inedible. Go around and describe everyone by a word that starts with the first initial of their first name. I don't rightly understand that question......too convoluted."
"You can do it! Just concentrate!"
"Easy for you to say!" Henry grumbles as he lists to the left. Roger rushes around and props him up from that side.
"William: weiney, Daniel: deaf, John: January, Roger: road...."
"Those words don't describe them!" a couple of the men yell out.
Henry doesn't seem to care......."Jerry: June, Jack: July, Rafe: roof, Slim: statue, Mike: mahogany, Hotspur: hotel, Luke: lamp. There! Pass me something better than these pathetic wings!" he sits down.


THE SPIES.............by Coralynn

"WandaSue, how much longer do we have to sit in this car? Are you seeing anything through those binoculars?"
"Yeah.....I see a lot of people in the house, just like I saw a lot of people in that ridiculous castle next door to it. Wonder what's going on in there, and are the two places related in some way? Ya know, Belle, we've gotta creep a little closer......."
"Oh no! I am not in the mood to be packed off in another taxi!" Belle moans.
"Then you stay in the car, you lilly livered chicken! I'll go!"
WandaSue exits the car, making sure she closes the door gently so no noise is made. It's getting dark outside and as she slowly makes her way to the back of the house, she runs smack into the swing set.
"Damn!" she says very softly, "what are they doing with one of those back here? Must have a kid older than that baby, that's for sure." She twists her left foot around, making sure it isn't broken.
Moving even more slowly, she approaches a window that looks into the kitchen. Nobody in there, but in another room she can see women moving around. As they walk around, she sees Rose and some of those other snooty women, who all seem to be talking and laughing and.........ooooops, somebody is coming into the kitchen. WandaSue lowers herself down so that only her eyes are looking through the window. This is an older woman, who seems to be getting plates of food. Yep, man those look good....She's taking them back into that other room. Wish I could get a clear shot of that other room, but I have my answer. Rose and her rich-bitch friends are having a party.
Wonder if it's connected to Rose's wedding? Probably. This party isn't telling me when the wedding is, though.
Hey, she thinks, it isn't that far over to that ridiculous castle, I think I'll look in over there. She picks her way across the lawn, then sees a sidewalk in the distance. She keeps looking at the sidewalk as she goes along, and sllllloooooosh!! suddenly finds herself in deep water.
"What the hell is this?" she wonders, as she staggers out of the water and takes a better look. By God, it looks like some fool has put a moat around the ridiculous castle. Well, enough of this! I'm going back to the car."

Belle is sitting there, scared to death someone will see her and confront her, when WandaSue opens the door on the drivers side and gets back in. Water is dripping from her all over the seat, all over the floor, and her previously well-coifed hair is hanging in wet strings all over her face.
"What happened to you?" Belle is shocked, "Did they throw water on you this time?"
"We've gotta stay away from the moat!" is her answer.
"Moat?! Oh come on!! We aren't back in the 12th Century!"
"NO?! Well, obviously whoever built that ridiculous castle thinks we are!"
"What now? Are we going home? Please?"
"Not on yer life, sister! Hand me that camera! Now I'm more determined than ever to get a picture of something! Something bad! Something I can blackmail Rosebud with."
"How long do you think we have to sit out here and wait, though? It's chilly. You must be freezing now that you're all wet!"
"I will not give up! They're having a party! Soon somebody has to come outside and do something that I can get a picture of. Something horrible. Maybe a murder. Maybe an adulterous assignation under the bushes over there!"
"Assignation? Where are you getting all those big words?"
"In my business, you have to have a large vocabulary, stupid. Now just shut yer yap and let me do what I havta do!"


JOHN'S TURN...........by Terri

"Shhh! Did you hear something outside?" Henry said.
"I don't know, kind of hard to hear over Led Zeppelin, don't you think?" Rafe said.
"Sounded like a splash!" Henry said.
"Now who would be stupid enough to fall in your float--moat, I mean, Henry?"
Henry just shrugged. "Remind me to buy some piranha for the moat. Maybe some lion-fish."
William stood up. Barely. "I think one person is missing from our 'true confessions.'
Come on, John, you aren't getting off that easy."
John could barely stand up. He propped himself against the Corinthian column in Henry's living room. "Awww, come on! Give me a break! I can't even speak co-coherently now."
Daniel yelled out. "Should have gotten it over earlier, bro!"
"Alright, let me get this over with so I can pass out." John started to slide down the column but caught himself and braced himself against it with both feet planted firmly on each side of it.

"Question #1--strangest dream. I guess it would have to be that I was hunting in the woods near Southold. I ran into Little Feather and we got to talking. He brought out some ceremonial jimson weed and he put it in a pipe and lit it. We both smoked it. The colors I saw! Little Feather would see visions. He told me--and I know it sounds absurd!--but he said he saw me with a woman whose hair was---how did he put it?---the color of the sunrise and eyes the color of the ocean. I didn't believe it because I was with Elizabeth--who had brown hair and eyes. But I am beginning to think Little Feather meant Rosamond. And if so...that is a dream come true!"
Daniel muttered to Rafe, "Not yet it hasn't--32 hours and counting."
Rafe just shook his head. "Give up, Daniel. It IS going to happen."

"Question #2--largest regret." John looked over at Daniel who was sitting upside down in the chair, feet hooked over the back and his head dangling down. He was trying to throw popcorn in his mouth while he was upside down. "Nope! Not even gonna go there!"
"Question #3--Best flirting technique. I guess I never flirted. I didn't have the chance. Miss Bethia there-" with a nod to Roger--" was about as close as I came to flirting when she couldn't get those cows to come home. I listened to her, laughed with her and gave her a kiss goodbye. She said it was her first kiss! Other than that--Elizabeth didn't have much of a sense of humor. She was kind and good and sweet but--dare I say?--maybe boring? Things changed when Rosamond came around. She was FUN! And exciting. I didn't have to do any work. She did it all!"
Daniel said to Slim, "OH, barf me out the door and gag me with a spoon! Rose liked a man who put the moves on HER!"
Slim rubbed his jaw and said, "I don't know about that, Daniel. She didn't go for any of the suave lines I gave her." Daniel just rolled his eyes.
"Question #4--How many times have I been in love? Once. That's it. Just once. Damn near killed me but what a way to die!"
"Question #5--the Genie. I'd ask for peace and harmony among all of us. Eternal friendship." John looked over at Daniel. "Or is that pushing the envelope?"
"Question #6--the curse or spell. I would curse Montgomery to hell for the crap he put Rosamond through this past year. Making her quit that soap. Dragging her out of the hospital and putting the baby and her health in jeopardy. Taking advantage of Rose and marrying her in a weak moment. And for what? We still didn't understand why he held on as tight as he did. Then he publicly humiliated her at Bethia's wedding by calling her a whore and accusing us of running around."
Daniel sat up. "But weren't you, John? I mean...he was right!" John took a step forward, started to sway and then leaned against the pillar again.
Luke, to diffuse the situation, said, "I made some white zinfandel a few months ago. A bottle for each of us!" He and Henry went to the wine cellar and doled out the bottles. "OK, on the count of three--ONE, TWO, THREE!"

Everyone popped their corks and the zinfandel went everywhere. And I mean, we are talking EVERYWHERE! Twelve men stood there drenched from head to toe. Wine on the ceiling, wine on the walls, wine all over the windows.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ALL ABOUT!" "Damn! I'm squishing in my boots!"
"Hey, I'm soaked down to my jockeys!" "At least you are wearing them!" "Ewww, Hotspur! We did NOT need to know that!"
"Well, NOW what are we going to do?" "Yeah, we certainly can't fit into Henry's clothes!"
Jerry and Roger started rolling on the floor laughing. "Just like the old days, huh, Rog?"
Roger said, "OH! OH! OH! There's only one thing to do! We used to do this and pour grain alcohol over our heads!"
"What?"
"Come on, you guys! Tell us!"
Jerry and Roger looked at each other and chanted, "TOGA! TOGA! TOGA!"
'Whaaaat?" they all said.
Jerry and Roger ran to the linen closet and then stripped the sheets off the beds and gave each guy a sheet. "Here! Wrap yourselves in the sheet....like...this!"
Quick as a flash, Jerry and Roger were sporting a Roman toga made out of bedsheets. Within fifteen minute it looked like the Roman Senate was meeting in the Forum. John looked at Daniel and said, "Et tu, Brute?" and Daniel replied, "Is this a dagger I see before me, its handle toward my hand?"
William bellowed, "ENOUGH!" Shakespeare or no, there will be no assassinations tonight!"
There was a moment of silence while in their very inebriated state they sized each other up. Hotspur raised a fireplace poker and bellowed out, "Gentlemen? We take the Castle at Midnight!"
Someone yelled out, "Shouldn't that be 'Big House'?"
"Oh, yeah! Gentlemen? CHAAARRGGGE!"


THE FALL OF THE ROMAN...TOGAS....by Coralynn

Celeste peered out the window, then motioned for Eleanor to come look.
"I think our gang of ruffians is getting ready to strike," she whispered.
Eleanor quickly ran upstairs into her room, that faced in the direction of the castle, and pushed a button. A motor whirred as the spotlight revolved around to face the outside of the house. She quickly picked up the remote control and went back to where Celeste and now Marilyn and Rose were looking out the window.
"Ladies, take your positions at the windows, and behold the downfall......"
The others all scurried near the several windows that faced the castle and waited, "I don't see anything!" Marthy complained.
"Just wait........"Celeste advised her.

All the men but William who disapproved, and Henry, who had fallen back asleep, came charging out the back of the castle, heading for the walkway that led to the big house.
Celeste yells out, "OK, ladies, behold the wonders of K-Y jelly!"
Eleanor pushes the remote on the spotlight and the entire area is flooded with light. The men are startled, but are running so hard that when they reach the walkway, they cannot check their speed, and suddenly find themselves sliding helplessly toward the moat.
"Hang on, men!" Jerry yells.
"To what?!" Slim yells even louder.
One by one they slide into the moat. They yell and scream and thrash, but to no avail. Foolishly they cluster together, and then as one big block of humanity, sink down under the water. They come back up, gasping, and grasping at their loosly draped togas, which begin to come apart and float away from them, making a white film on top of the water.
The men holler even louder and start cursing.
At that point, the women all go out the back door of the house, around to the moat and stand as a group, hands on hips, except for Eleanor, who is busily taking pictures.
"You can't do that! Put that damn camera down!" Rafe blusters and goes under the water again, as Hotspur is clutching at him, dragging him down.
"Cut that out!" he yells at Hotspur.
"Cannnnn......Can't.....swi.......swim!" Hotspur says in terror.
Marilyn has a megaphone and announces through it, "ALRIGHT! The women win again! Get your sorry butts out of the water and back inside the castle or we pour hot flaming oil into the moat! On the count of three.......one........"
Mike has scurried back into the castle easily, being as sober as he is, but the others are barely able to focus their eyes, much less coordinate their muscles.
John reaches the bank closest to the castle and pulls himself out.
"Whhhooooo hooooo! Look at the buns on that one!" Marilyn yells out. The other women are clap and cheer and hoot.
Jerry and Roger are swimming around, trying to retrieve enough sheet material to cover themselves, and manage to wad up some of it. Holding it strategically, they climb out and run into the castle. Rafe is dragging Hotspur by his longish red hair, and yells to Daniel and Slim, "HELP! This guy is dead weight!"
Daniel and Slim join him, and the three of them get Hots near the bank, then with a mighty heave, get him onto the grass, where he passes out.
"Good enough, men!" Rafe tells them, "Now run....run!!"
Soon all the men except Hotspur are back inside the castle. The women have never stopped laughing. Eleanor turns to Celeste and says, "I got some dandy pictures. Since this is a digital camera, I can have them printed out in fifteen minutes, too!"
Bess asks, "Eleanor, you took all the pictures from where you're standing, right?"
"Yes."
"I saw some flashing coming from over there...." she points to another area near the moat, but harder to see because of several large trees.
"You saw flashes, like from a camera?"
"Yes, just like the ones coming from you camera! Could someone be over there taking pictures?"
Eleanor puts an arm around Bess' shoulders, "I doubt it, dear. Let's go inside and look at what will prove to be the most humiliating thing that ever happened to those guys!"
Marthy and Bess then ask Marilyn, "Why did the men all slide into the moat?"
"Well, before the parties really got going, El and Celeste and I coated the sidewalk with K-Y jelly, the slippriest thing on earth."
"I've never heard of it, but then there are a lot of things I've never heard of......" Bess comments.
Marilyn yells out, "Who are the Champions?"
All the female voices answer, "The Women!"
"Who are the Best Warriors on Earth?" Eleanor yells.
"The Women!"
"Who do the men regret having messed with?" Rose yells.
"The Women!"

Inside the castle the men are all running around trying to find the wine soaked clothes they took off a short twenty minutes earlier. Eventually they get just enough on their bodies to feel slightly clothed.
"DAMN!!" Daniel blusters, "They did it to us again!"
"HOW?" Jerry asks.
William looks at the men and shakes his head, "I warned you! These women are practically invincible."
"Yeah, they won because they were sober! That's cheating!" Slim limps over to a chair and sits down, then realizes, "HEY! We left Hots outside!"
The men look from one to another warily....."Do you wanna go out there and get him?" "The women could still be out there, ya know." "How cold does it get at night......think he'll be ok?" "Sure!"
William pokes Henry8 and yells in his ear, "IT'S OVER NOW, Henry!"
Henry sits up, startled. "Did I miss anything?"
Even in their wine-soaked wet bedraggled state, the men all burst out laughing. "No, Henry, we always look like this!" John tells him, "You can go back to sleep now."

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