AYE, BONNIE LASSY, and WHERE the %*$&# ARE WE?!....by Coralynn

William is the first to see the group touch down in the back yard. Actually, he is the first one to hear what sounds like a skewered wild animal. He wipes his hands quickly on a towel, leaving the lunch clean-up to wait as he quickly goes into the yard.
There, with Rose and John, stands none other than Henry "Hotspur" Percy. William recognizes him and groans.
Hotspur is still yelling "Where be I? What magic have you wrought? Witch!!" even so still clutching Rosamond to him with John becoming more angry by the second.
William advances right up to Hotspur, who blanches and recoils, "OH NO! Not the Conqueror! How did you get here, and where IS 'here?'"
William knows something about Hotspur that few others do: the left side of his face is excruciatingly tender, and as he slaps him hard on that side, Hotspur releases Rose, clutching his face with both hands, emitting a mournful, "AAAaaaahhhhh, you had to do that?"
"Apparently so, Hotspur. Why are you here?" William demands.
"I don't bloody know!" Hotspur turns to Rose and stares at her, expecting her to explain it.
Rose sighs and tells William, "We activated the coin to come back and Hotspur chose that moment to grab onto me, ergo..........here he is!"
Hotspur still doesn't understand, but says, "William! Congratulate me! Rosamond and I are to wed!"
"The hell you are!" William comes back at him, "And if you give her any trouble, after all the trouble she's already had, you'll be thrown in Henry8's dungeon."
Hotpur clutches both sides of his shaggy head and exclaims, "Not Henry8, too!! What kind of hell is this?"
"If you can maintain some calm for a few minutes, I'll tell you. But there is more pressing news, so we shall go inside and you shall SIT down and wait. Hotspur, look at me when I talk to you, you will sit and say nothing. You will not grab Rose again. That or the dungeon.....it's your call."
As the four enter the house via the kitchen, Marilyn and Eleanor race downstairs and fling themselves on Rose, who appreciates the affection, but thinks they may be overreacting, I mean, after all, she and John have only been time traveling one hour by the clock on the wall.
"You're FREE Rose!" Marilyn is jubilant.
Rose screws up her face and looks at Eleanor who at least isn't out of control with glee the way Marilyn is.
William joins them and suggests they sit in the living room. Hotspur follows, even though William turns and glares at him. He waits to tell Rose the bad news till Hotspur has sat down. Of course Hotspur sits on one of the Opulent leather couches and sinks almost to the floor. William is still glaring, so Hotspur stays put, though he feels entrapped by the leather. Suits William just fine.

He takes Rose's hands and gently tells her, "Less than an hour ago Billy Bob Montgomery was murdered."
She looks at him incredulously.
"He was driving his Mercedes on Route 141, when someone in another car shot him in the face."
Rose's eyes bug out and her mouth drops open. Billy Bob dead? Somehow she can't wrap her mind around those three words together in the same sentence. BB had such a strong life force, how could he be dead?
She sits there in shock, silent.
Marilyn tries to approach her but William warns her off with a look. He thinks to himself, Marilyn cuts right to the chase, and she may be correct that Rose is better of without Montgomery, but it's too soon, way too soon, for her to expect Rose to start dancing around in glee. Any huge event like this takes time to assimilate. Good news or bad, she can't be rushed.

Rose says in a very soft voice, "Who would do this terrible thing?"
"No one knows," Eleanor says, "The police are getting right on it, though. Obviously if he had any enemies you didn't know about it."
"No, I didn't, but then he didn't discuss business affairs with me, so," she shruggs, "I know less than nothing......"
John has been looking intently at Rose this whole time, knowing that even though she had planned to leave BB, this was not the way she would have scripted it.
Celeste brings her a cup of tea and gently puts it in her hands, making sure she has a good grip on it before removing her own.
Rose looks up at Celeste with a plea in her expression. Celeste nods that she understands.
"Uhhhhh, I need time to think......" she walks toward the stairway, "Alone. I'll let you know when I'm ready ........uhhhhh.....John, don't be hurt. I just can't be with anyone right now."
He understands. William is proud that John doesn't object as John goes up several notches in William's estimation. He lays his hand on John's shoulder in compassion.

Hotspur is glancing around the room all this time, looking at the people he doesn't know or isn't sure whether he knows or not. He has a terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach that the auburn haired woman could be Eleanor of Aqutaine, and hopes his fears are groundless.
"Ohhh, Hotspur, I forgot my manners under these trying circumstances," William again turns his attention on the big shaggy redheaded man in ancient garb sitting on the couch, "These other people are: Celeste, who is the finest woman in this or any other century, so treat her with respect or the dungeon awaits......then we have Marilyn, who can with one blow knock any man flat on his back, so don't mess with her.......and of course Eleanor of Aquataine, our warrior princess. Any questions?"
Hotspur sits there dazed. His worst fears have been realized: he is being kept from Rose and is in the presence of one woman who is esteemed above all others, and two who would knock his block off if given half a chance. He gives William a feeble smile......more a smile of surrender than anything else.
William nods and says loudly and firmly, "GOOD!"


TELL ME LIES, TELL ME SWEET LITTLE LIES.....by Terri

Billy Bob remembered. "Hey, I need a passport to get out of the country. I can't very well go out under William Robert Montgomery, can I? They run that through and it will be like a rash all over the computer."
Jameson said, "I have connections but it will take a day before I can get it together. I'll withdraw cash out of your bank to get you started. Hopefully the police will solve this and you can come home soon. Any idea where you want to go?"
"I'll stick with the original plan for Paris, since I learned some French from Grandpere."
Jameson started out on the Long Island Expressway. "I'll put you up at the beach house until tomorrow. Meanwhile I can assess the situation. What about Rosamond? Doesn't she deserve to know you are alive?"
Billy Bob frowned. "Things haven't been too good between us since I got back from Texas. I can't afford to have her jeopardize me, no matter how innocent it is."
Jameson said, "Wonder who it was that was killled?"
Billy Bob said, "Rosamond took over that gatehouse. She's got some hare-brained scheme to make aromatherapy stuff. She said there was alot of beer bottles there and some food wrappers. I thought I saw someone about my size and blond hair prowling around the edge of the woods. I just wrote it off to a hunter but now it is possible it was a drifter. The fact that the Mercedes was missing shows that this drifter probably stole the car. I am up and down that highway several times a day, anyone could have bided their time and waited for me to drive by. Damn! This is upsetting to say the least."

Jameson said, "Not to sound ghoulish, but do you want me to I.D. the body? That way Rose won't be dragged into it and I can do a positive I.D."'
Billy Bob sighed, "Yep! Guess you'd better."
They pulled up to the beach house. Jameson checked the area and then motioned Billy Bob in. The two of them sat down at the table.
"Jameson, with all your connections, I need something. I need a will drawn up and predated for maybe three months ago. Like right around the time Julie was born.
I need to leave everything--and I mean EVERYTHING--in a trust for her. It would be just like Rosamond to start selling my assets off, I don't want to lose the ranch."
Jameson said, "I'll draw up papers that leave everything to Julie with the stipulation that it be held in trust until her 21st birthday. That the assets are to be frozen."
Billy Bob said, "Better make some sort of monetary compensation to Rosamond. Oh, and one thing. Leave one dollar to Wanda Sue Skaggs. That way she can't claim it was an oversight. Legally she won't have a leg to stand on. Let Dad know what happened. I don't want him having a heart attack over this. With any luck I'll be back in a month."
They talked for a few hours discussing things that needed to be done and taken care of.
Jameson got up to go. "I'd stay indoors if I were you, cuz." He clapped Billy Bob on the shoulder. "Damn! What a mess!"
Billy Bob said, "Keep an eye on Rosamond. Partly to protect and partly to see what she is up to." "Will do."


Rosamond went up to her room and stretched out on the bed. She was numb with shock. Was it grief, too? Or was it guilt? I had planned on filing for divorce. Why did it have to end this way? Tears welled up in her eyes. She started to sob and couldn't stop.

John walked quietly up the stairs and hesitated outside her door. He heard her crying and sobbing uncontrollably. Eleanor came up behind him and motioned him to her room. She closed the door.
"Give her some time to herself, John. She has had a tremendous shock."
"El, she needs me. You don't understand..."
"No, John, YOU don't understand. It's a woman thing. For Pete's sake, she lived with the guy for almost a year. She shared a bed with him. Her baby has the name of Montgomery. Rose is a tender-hearted soul, she would never wish harm on anyone."
John looked down at the cast on his hand. "How do you think THIS and the altercation at the wedding will play into this?"
"I don't know, John. What were you and Rose doing for the last hour?"
John looked up at her. "We got married."

Eleanor was shocked. "MARRIED! Don't be daft, John!"
John said, "We arranged it so that we stayed a couple days. That first night, well, we went down to the family chapel. Just to check it out. I know it sounds sappy, but, well, we pledged our love to each other right in the chapel before God and promised that we would find a way to make it legal. A ring and everything. So except for the minor complication of Rosamond being married to someone else, we feel in our hearts we are man and wife. Sure didn't expect it to end like THIS! I just thought she would file for divorce. Didn't expect Montgomery to go quietly into the night, though."
"Did you get the potion book?"
John said, "Yes--it's in my room. We had, uh, complications though."
"You mean bringing Harry 'Hotspur' Percy back."
"Well, uh, we did run into a few other people..."
"Who?"
"Henry, for one."
Eleanor just groaned. "How did he look?"
"Last we saw him, his face was purple. Rosamond told him he was a boring lover."
"Guess that really hit him where he lives!"


After an hour, Rose emerged from her bedroom, pale and shaken. She walked into the kitchen. William, John and Eleanor were sitting at the table with coffee.

"Where's Will?" she asked.
William cleared his throat. "Celeste took him to the park. We thought it was best."
Rose nodded as if in a trance. John pulled a chair up for her and sat her down. He made her a cup of tea.
"Thanks, darling." she said.
William and Eleanor looked at each other. William said, "Uh, Rose...John....don't take this personally...but I think you had better can it with the 'darling' stuff right now. A situation like this and the first thing they are going to do is 'cherchez la femme'. Look to the wife. Especially if it comes out that the wife had a lover."
John rubbed Rosamond's shoulders. "He's right. Lord, I hope they don't put that 'smokey' McGee on this. That guy hates me and I don't know why!"
Rose panicked. "He'll remember he busted us at Venus Point!"
"Yes, but he thinks you are Montgomery's sister."
She put her head in her hands. "Until the 'grieving widow' has her picture plastered in every newspaper. Even in death, Monatgomery's giving me a hard time!" She burst out in another round of tears. Eleanor stood up. "Come on, Rose. We're going to the ranch to pick up Julie. You need to be with your friends."

She nodded. "Mary Ellen and J.R. are in the Hamptons. I want to be out before they get home. OH NO! What about funeral arrangements? Who has to I.D. the body?"
Eleanor said, "Let's worry about that later."
"I suppose I could call Jameson or Bobby Joe..."
"Later, Rose! Let's go get your baby."


William sat with John and said, "You had better think of an alibi, son. I think this is going to get sticky."
John said, "I guess we could always say I was here, nursing the broken hand and Rose stopped by to see Eleanor."
William peered over his reading glasses. "That hand. Bethia's wedding and the punch heard 'round the world, or at least Westchester county...John, the two of you had better deny a relationship. Maybe Bess would back you up, you could say you were seeing her. Rose and Montgomery were always fighting. How many people heard the accusations Montgomery made?"

John frowned in thought. "I guess everyone in a thirty-foot radius." William frowned, too. "Un huh--and that's a mighty big radius! Can Rose account for her time THAT night? I know you can, you were at the ER." "Good question. Just where WAS she those four hours?"


Jameson came to the beach house that morning. He let himself in with the key. Billy Bob was finishing his breakfast. Jameson laid his new passport down on the table.
Your new name is Mark Olsen. Here is your new birth certificate. You were born in Wisconsin to Olaf and Magda Olsen."
"Well, obviously I am Swedish!"
Here's 50,000.00. E-mail me when you need more, in fact, e-mail me when you get to Paris. I bought you some luggage and some clothes, since we are the same size it was easy. Here's your ticket, a one-way ticket from JFK to Orly. Here's the new will. All your assets are frozen. No one can touch it, not even your cars. I told your mom and dad, they are sworn to secrecy."
"Tell Bobby Joe, too. But after I leave." "Will do. The will leaves it all to Julie, even Sundown when Pierre dies. Donna can't touch it."
"That alone would get me killed" Billy Bob grimaced. "I really hate to leave the baby, Rose too, but a missing husband and father is better than a dead one in the long run. I am sure Rose will understand when I come back."
"Are you nuts, BB?"
"Jameson, you just don't understand our relationship! It THRIVES on adversity!"
"Back to the will. Wanda Sue is left with a dollar. Rose gets half a mil the first year, 250,000 the next. Unless she remarries."
"REMARRIES! How can she do that when I am alive?"
"SHE doesn't know that!"
"Well, you'd better damn well keep an eye on her, then. Report to me anything that goes on. She'd better not move a guy into that ranch house or I WILL come back...to either haunt her or kill her!"
Jameson said, "I'll call her up, make the arrangements, I.D. when the police call. Gotta tell ya, Billy Bob--this creeps me out!"
Billy Bob grinned. "Be interesting to see who comes and who pays their last respects. Even hear my eulogy! Hey, videotape it, huh?"
"WHAT??!!"
"Just kidding!"
"Ready to go, cuz?"
"Ready as I'll ever be."
"Then let's go....Mark!"


Eleanor and Rosamond pulled up in the drive. Rose looked up at the ranch house with tears in her eyes.
"Oh, Eleanor! If I wasn't so in love with John, things would have been so much different! He...he was a bastard sometimes but he DID have some good points."
Eleanor said grimly, "I'll give you an hour, see if you can come up with any."
They got out of the car. Juanita greeted her at the door and hugged her. "Oh, Cara mia, such a sad day!"
Rosamond said, "Juanita, I'm going to stay at some friends' house for a few days. I just came by to pick up some things and Julie. Don't worry about your job, if things fall apart here, I have some friends that would be willing to hire you."
"Ah, Miss Rose, that is reassuring. But let's worry about this later." Eleanor and Julie went into the baby's room. Rose picked the baby up and held her tight. Julie looked at Rose with her blue eyes. Eleanor touched her tiny hand. "So like both parents. A beautiful child, Rosamond. I just love her little ears and chin dimple, so like John's!"

Rose said, "Just so the police don't notice."
They gathered up some things. As they were leaving to go, Rosamond heard Juanita answer the door.
"Hey, Juanita, is Miss Rose home?"
Juanita said, "She's upstairs with the baby. She's going to stay with her friend Eleanor for a bit."
Jameson called, "Rosamond? It's me--Jameson. We need to talk."
Rosamond said, "Be right down, Jameson."
Rose and Eleanor descended the steps with Julie and her things. Introductions were made.
Jameson and Rosamond sat down while Eleanor took care of Julie.
Jameson said softly, "Arrangements need to be made, Rosamond. If you don't mind, I'd like to take the burden off you. Billy Bob was like a brother to me. I--I would like to carry things out to the best of my ability...as a last gesture to him. You're too young to shoulder this burden by yourself."
Rose was touched. "Thank you, Jameson. What do you have in mind?"
"I'll I.D. the...Billy Bob. Obviously no viewing, Billy Bob opted for cremation. A memorial service. But everything hinges on the police investigation."
"Is there any talk from the police?"
"They are getting a special task force together. This is high profile. An Officer Alan Carson is in charge, with an Officer Travis McGee as second on the case. Looks like Carson is heavy into delegating, you'll be seein alot of Officer McGee."
Rosamond's heart fell to her feet. "McGee. I'll be ready for him."
Rosamond broke out in a fresh round of crying. "Thank you, Jameson. I am indebted to you."
Jameson wrapped his arms around her. "It will be OK, Rosamond. I promise."
Jameson was ashamed of himself. Am I a bastard or what? He patted her on the shoulder and left.


THE REVELATION.............by Coralynn

After returning from the ranch, Rose has put Julie down for a nap when they all hear the doorbell ring. Looking out the peephole in the door, William sees that guy who jumped out of the cake at the wedding shower, who is holding a good-sized manilla envelope.
William opens the door and asks the man what he wants. He tries not to be too curt, as this man probably has no idea what devastating news has come down upon the household.

Slim looks at William shyly and stammers, "I have......I have something.....something important for Rose. Could you give this to her?" he asks as he shoves the manila envelope toward William.

"Come in, come in," William decides to let him come inside, since the man seems harmless enough.
"My name is Slim and I have gotten to know Rose as a friend, nothing more, just a friend, and I think she needs to see the contents of that envelope."
William's eyebrows go up. What could this envelope contain?
"Please have a seat," William instructs him, indicating one of the chairs with a lever on the side. Slim sits down and glances over at the couch upon which a burly red-haired man in very old-fashioned garb is sitting looking around helplessly. Slim nods and says "Hello, I hope I'm not distrubing anyone."
"Ohhhh don't pay any heed to me," Hotspur whines, "I'm just here for a visit, and to win the heart of the Fair Rosamond."
Slim laughs, "I hate to make light of it, but her heart is already taken by John," he tells this guy who is obviously out-to-lunch mentally.
"I'm beginning to get that impression myself," Hotspur complains, "Tell me, young man, where am I?"
"You're seated upon, or rather IN the couch there," Slim answers.
"No no no, I mean where is this house?"
"On Winding Willow Lane!" Slim is beginning to wonder if this guy has any brains at all.
"What City, though?"
"Chappaqua, New York, of course!" Slim tells him.
"And what Country is that in?" Hotspur seems very sincere, which leads Slim to believe the man is either suffering short-term, maybe even long-term, memory loss.
"The United States," he says, trying not to sound impatient.
"Ohhh dear, I am so confused!" Hotspur laments.
Slim thinks, "You've got that right, bud!" but before he formulates anything more to say to Hotspur, Rose descends the staircase.
He rises and waits for her to acknowledge him.
"Ohhh Slim, how nice of you to come. You do know about Billy Bob Montgomer's murder, don't you? It's a bit early for a sympathy visit, but I know you're hearts in the right place."
She sits near him and eyes the envelope. "William said you had something important to show me in that envelope."
"Yes, yes," he agrees as he hands it to her.
Rose takes out several legal documents, the first being the marriage certificate of BB and WandaSue. "He never told me he'd been married before," she says blandly, not thinking it's important enough to become overly emotional about.
"Wellllll, you see, Rose, WandaSue is my sister," he begins......"and if you look at the divorce papers you can see that the divorce was never final."
This does surprise her, and she sifts through the papers to find the one he has just described. She reads it and gets a look of disbelief on her face.
"This is incredible!" she exclaims, "How did he go ahead and marry me if he knew his divorce from your sister wasn't finalized?"
"He probably didn't fully realize that," Slim assures her, "But here it is in black and white. My sister did phone him back several months ago to tell him he had committed bigamy, but he must not have told you."
Rose ponders all this then speaks, "Did he call your sister 'Babydoll?'"
"Yes, that was his pet name for her."
"Does she also go by the name Susan Hemingway?"
"Probably."
Now Rose gets angry, "That miserable woman has phoned me upon many occasions, threatening me, saying she'll tell Billy Bob that John and I are lovers. SHE'S your sister? Where is she now?"
"Wish I knew! Whenever I contact her via her cellphone she says she's in California, but my cellphone is so old and weak that it can't call that far away, so she could still be in the area."
"I'd like to give her a piece of my mind!" Rose says angrily, then calms down, "Slim, let me see if I have this right: Billy Bob is or was a bigamist and he knew it for several months, right?"
"Right."
"I can get the marriage annulled because it wasn't legitimate in the first place, I think......"
Slim stands up, ready to leave, "That would be my guess......here, Rose, take my phone number, my regular one and my cellphone, and if you need me, just call."
She puts her hand on his shoulder and smiles weakly, "Slim, I do appreciate your helpfullness. When I start feeling my old self again, God knows when that will be, you and I will have to lay a trap for your sister.......if and when we find her. Was she blackmailing anyone else?"
"Ohhhh I think she got a ton of money off Montgomery, she told me she got a cool million. Whether or not she's exaggerating I don't know, but my guess is she got some money from him."

Rose sighs heavily as she walks Slim to the door.
"Again, thank you, Slim. I'll keep your phone numbers in a safe place and contact you if I have more questions, that is after I start feeling normal again. I was planning to leave Billy Bob, but I never would have wanted to see him murdered. This whole thing is so barbaric!"
Slim smiles and takes his leave.
Rose sits on one of the chairs with the levers on the side and puts her head back, closing her eyes to rest them.
Hotspur timidly says, "Rose, does this mean it's all clear for you and me to wed"?
She glares at him, "Stuff a sock in it, Hotspur!" she says with annoyance, "And get a life!!"
She gets up and heads for the stairs as she hears him grumble, "What life? I don't know where I am, when I am, I barely know who I am anymore......" and his voice fades from her hearing as she reaches the top of the stairs going in to check on Julie.


FAMILY CONFAB................by Coralynn

William and Eleanor hear Rose come out of Julie's room, and meet her in the hall. William whispers to both women, "We need to call a family meeting before the Police arrive."

As they descend the staircase, Hotspur looks up at them pleadingly, "Can I please get oft the couch now, William?"
"You may, but only to sit at the dining room table." William yanks him off the couch which all but sends both men sprawling, as neither of them would be considered small.
Eleanor rounds up the other house members. Marilyn, Rose, John, Bess, Marthy, Jack and Celete, who has just returned from the park with little Will, gather round. Little Will is in his room playing and watching Sesame Street.
They sit and wait for William, who seems very serious, even more serious than usual, to tell them the reason for the meeting.
"As you probably all know by now, Billy Bob Montgomery was murdered. Unfortunately it happend during the hour Rose and John were time traveling. As you can see, they brought Hotspur Percy back with them as a souvinier. WE all know where they were during that hour, but we can't tell the Police who are sure to descend upon us any minute, that they were time traveling. We must all agree to tell them that Rose and John were here with us. It may be a lie, but there's no other way."
Hotspur wiggles around in discomfort, "I know where they were, though, William, I can tell."
"You cannot tell, Horspur. Weren't you listening? I said we must not mention time travel!" he glares at the other man, "You will say they were here. Now, let me hear you say that."
Hotspur's face becomes even redder than usual, "They.......were......here."
Marthy asks, "What shall we say they were here doing?"
"John was here having Celeste tend to his broken hand, even though he'd already had a cast put on. He needed Celeste to.......to.......what?"
"I could say I was helping him put on a sling!" Celeste suggests.
Everyone nods their agreement. It may not be good, but it's all they've got.
"Better make a sling for him right after we dismiss the meeting," William instructs Celeste who nods.
"What was Rose doing?" Bess asks.
"She was here visiting me," Eleanor answers, "Shouldn't that be alibi enough?"
No one comes up with anything better, so William recaps the situation:
"Rose and John were here, John was getting a sling and Rose was visting her pal Eleanor, which she does a lot anyway, so that's not far fetched, and we all saw them. Right? Raise your hand if you understand."
All hands go up except Hotspur's.
"She and John are lovers, right?"
"NO!!!!" William pounds the table, "You must never say that, any of you. John and Rose are friends just like Rose and Marilyn or Rose and I, are friends. JUST friends. Let's not give the Police a ready-made motive. They are not lovers!"
Hotspur's eyes light up, "Then she and I can wed!" he reaches his muddled brain's version of a conclusion. William rolls his eyes and purses his lips, "NO!" is all he tells Hotspur.
"Why ever not?"
Rose finally speaks up, "I don't love you, Hotspur, and I'm liking you less and less the more you run off at the mouth. Since the Police don't even know you exist yet, how about you go out clothes shopping with someone? Wonder if Bill is available?"
Marilyn hops off her chair and goes to the phone, saying, "There's just one way to find out!"
William says, "Meeting dismissed, but stay close."


OFFICERS "WALLY & BEAVER CLEAVER"........by Terri

Officer Alan Carson threw the file on Lt. Carmine Donatello's desk. "Why do I have to be the one? And why HIM? He's a pain in the ass!"
Donatello didn't look up. "Because I said so. This is a high profile case, Carson. You always complain of desk work. I'm putting you out in the field. Play detective. This is HOMICIDE, man. Not seventy old geezers sitting around playing pennyante poker on a Wednesday afternoon!" "Aw, but come on, Carmine! Anyone but Travis! It's like Wally dragging Beaver around!"
Donatello looked up and smiled. "Tough! Look, I know the widow is a hot number. Dwell on that! Since your divorce, I know you were always looking for a good time...and I'm sure that widow is about to come into a great deal of money."
Carson sat down with a thump. "Do I have to take the Beav, Ward?" "Yes, you do!"
Carson heaved himself out of the chair, "Aw, hell!" He went out into the squad room.
Travis McGee was typing out a police report.
"OK, Hotshot! This is your lucky day! You are riding shotgun with me. We are investigating the Montgomery murder."
"HOT DAMN! I hope his sister is doing alright. She must be a real emotional mess since her brother got killed. Hey! I can be the Consolation Guy! Remember that Seinfeld episode....?"
Carson sighed. "Just don't double dip the chips."

Juanita had informed the two officers that Mrs. Montgomery was staying with friends at 223 Winding Willow Drive. They knocked on the door. Celeste answered.
"Hello, Ma'am. We understand that Mrs. William Montgomery is staying here temporary. Is she available?"
"Yes, she is. On both counts."
Celeste led them into the living room. McGee looked around. "Wow! Would you look at that leather!" Rosamond came in, wearing her shorts and a sleeveless blouse.

The look on McGee's face was priceless. The look on Rosamond's face almost matched it. Carson wished he had a camera. Carson said, "Mrs. Montgomery?"
"Y-yes?"
"I'm Officer Carson and this is Office McGee. We'd like to ask you some questions."
McGee tugged on Carson's arm. "That's not Mrs. Montgomery. That's his sister!"
Carson turned to McGee. "Shut up and listen up."
"Ma'am, you were married to William Robert Montgomery, were you not?" Rose said, "Yes--I am...was."
McGee blurted out. "But you are his sister!"
Rosamond's face was crimson. "I'm sorry, Officer...McGee, is it? Billy Bob has...a sister. Her name is Donna Jackson. She lives in Austin Texas. I am Billy Bob's wife."
McGee is bewildered. "But....but I found you being assaulted not once..but TWICE..in the Corvette of John Gwinnett!"
Carson looked like he wanted to slap McGee upside the head. How dense can he be? Carson could barely control his laughter.
The light bulb finally clicked in McGee's mind. "You mean you WEREN'T being molested? That was on PURPOSE? Then the broken strap and the shoes off...you were....TRYSTING?"

Carson looked like he wanted to pound McGee into the pavement. Rosamond tried to muster as much dignity as she could.
"Officer Carson? Perhaps it would be better if it were just you and me..."
McGee's face got red and then purple. What a laughing stock she's made of me! All that snickering behind my back at the station....they all KNEW Montgomery didn't have a sister?"
Carson cleared his throat. "Um...Mrs. Montgomery, could you please tell us your whereabouts between 11:30 and 1:00 PM?"
"Certainly, Officer. I was here visiting with my friends. You can ask them."
"Their names, please?"
"Eleanor Plant...William Conqueror, and my son's nanny, Celeste." "Anyone else here?"
Rosamond tried to keep the blood from rushing into her face and her voice from quavering. "Yes. Mr. John Gwinnett. We used to work together on the soap As the Planet Turns."
A baby cried upstairs.
"Would you please excuse me, Officers? My little daughter is only 3 months old. Constant attention, you know."
When Rosamond went upstairs, McGee turned furiously to Carson. "You KNEW it wasn't his sister! Why didn't you tell me?"
Carson said, "You were so quick to believe in the sanctity of womanhood I didn't have the heart to bust your little bubble. A lot of officers worked out at the gym with John Gwinnett even before he bought it. We all knew. His twin brother has a locker-room mouth. Heard all about the old switcheroo and the paternity of Montgomery's daughter was always a speculation."
"You...you mean that sweet innocent girl I gave a ride home to the other night...the girl I made a date with....she's a..."
Carson said, "You tried to make a DATE with Montgomery's wife thinking it was his sister. I take it she said no."
McGee slumped bewildered in the seat. "She didn't actually say yes...but she didn't say NO!"
Rosamond came down with the baby. Carson stood up. "Ma'am, if we have anymore questions, we will be in touch. Where can we reach you?"
"I will be here for a few days. Either here or at the ranch."
"Need I say don't leave town, Mrs. Montgomery?"
"I understand, Officer. What do you think I would do, time travel?"
Carson laughed. McGee was in shock.
Officer Carson looked at the baby. "What a beautiful child! And a little dimple in her chin! Don't see that very often."
Carson tipped his hat to her and dragged a shell-shocked McGee out the door.


UPDATING HOTSPUR.....................by Coralynn

Bill and Hotspur drive down the road, with Hotspur gawking out the window, marveling.
"Hey, Bill, would you please fill me in on where we are and when? I asked that guy Slim and he looked at me like I was insane."
"Whoever Slim is, he must not know about the time travel the way I do," Bill assures him, "He thought you were born in this timeframe, though, to look at your clothing and hair I can't quite imagine why, unless he thought you were a member of a rock group!" This makes Bill laugh.
"Rock group? What on earth is that? However, first, before you tell me that, what year is it?"
"2003."
"That a long time into the future from when I lived, isn't it?"
"800 years, give or take," Bill tells him as they find an empty spot in the parking lot at the Mall.
"And where is this, and no I don't mean those big buildings over there, I mean this Land, this County, this....."
"This is the United States, Hotspur. It is located clear across the Atlantic Ocean from England where you lived till now. It is a long, long ways away. William told me that if you miss it a great deal, he can arrange to have you sent back to your own land and your own time. Is that your wish?"
"Well, I don't rightly know now, do I? I haven't had a chance to explore this land and time and compare. This one may be better, but it sure is confusing!"
"It's very traumatizing to be suddenly whisked away across the ocean and into a time 800 years later, I can understand that!" Bill tells him as the exit the car.
Hotspur claps him on the back in camaraderie, "You DO understand. You are the only one who does! You will help me win Rosamond's hand in marriage, too, won't you?"
"That's out of my jurisdiction, Hotspur. What does Rose say about it?"
"She says she doesn't love me and is beginning to not even like me."
"Not a good sign, old chap. If I were you I'd spend my time investigating this time and place and leave the romance part of your life till later."
"You are so smart!" Hotspur turns and gives Bill a big bearhug.
Bill's eyes are bulging and he croaks, "Ok, Hotspur, you can let me go now so I can breathe again. Please do not do that in these stores, OK?"
"OK! Anything for you, my liege, my knight, my only good friend, my....."
They enter the barber shop first, the same one Bill had taken Henry8 to less than a year earlier. One of the barbers comes over and, recognizing Bill, says, "Mr. President! Are you here for a trim?"
"Well," Bill laughs, "I appreciate the offer, but my friend here, Henry Percy, is the one who needs a major haircut."
Bill and the barber put Hotspur in a barber chair. The barber squints his eyes and declares, "I think there's a person under all that hair! Let's extricate him!" and goes to work.
He lathers up Hotspur's face, which causes Hotspur to become alarmed. "Just hold still and we'll see what your face is like under this," the barber tells him.
Bill tells the barber, "Just trim his beard, don't shave it off. His hair has to be cut a lot shorter, though.
The barber does as instructed, while Hotspur sits in the chair nervously.
He has yet to see himself in the mirror, and the barber doesn't turn him around in that direction till he has trimmed the beard and given him a hair cut.
"Voila!!" the barber says happily, "Behold, the new man who has been hiding under the hair!" he spins the chair around.
Hotspur is struck dumb. "Where did I go, Bill? This is not me. Who is in the glass? That is not me!! Where am I? Who am I and how can I get my hair back?"
"It will grow back, but until then you may adjust to this new look and prefer it," Bill says with as much patience as he can.
Bill pays the barber and they leave to go to other stores. Hotspur looks at himself in every mirror along the way. He goes into a women's lingerie store and peers at himself in their mirror. He keeps going into every store, looking in their mirrors.
"You won't look any different in any of the mirrors, Hotspur. Can you manage to forget that for a while?"
"I lost myself!! I'm gone! How could you let this happen, Bill, my friend, my liege, my....."
Bill drags him into a men's clothing store. He waits till Hotspur calms down then looks him in the eye very intently and says, "I know this is a lot to adjust to, but if you don't look like the other people, at least somewhat, you will be thought eccentric, which is not good. TRY out the 21st Century. Give it a shot. Try looking like one of the men in this time and place. If you hate it, you can return to your old time and place. Now, I know how to shop for men's clothing....."
"OH! I almost forgot!" Hotspur digs around in one of his pockets and produces a credit card, "William said to pay with this. Is this correct?"
"Yes, quite. Good. Now, if you can remain calm, we may get you some modern clothes, but please try not to freak out!"
Hotspur sees a mannequin dressed in shorts and a Hawaiian shirt. "I like that!" he says happily.
Bill laughs, "I was afraid you would!"

An hour and a half later they leave the mall and return to Bill's car. They are both laden down with shopping bags and boxes.
Hotspur is wearing the shorts, a Hawaiian shirt unbuttoned half way down showing massive red chest hair, and some sandals. His spirits seem to have improved.
"I heard one woman in that store tell her husband that he looked "hot" in his new clothes, Bill. Tell me, do I look hot?"
Bill laughs heartily and answers, "You are steaming, my friend! You are smokin'! You are ablaze!" After getting in the car, driving back, they arrive at the big house on Winding Willow. Bill walks into the house with Hotspur to gauge everyone's reaction to the new and improved cave man.
Eleanor is the first to see them and says, "Hi Bill, who's your new friend? Where's Hotspur?"
Bill laughs and yanks Hotspur's hand up and smacks it, telling him, "This is called a high-5. It means good going!"
"Ohhhhh, then here, Eleanor, high-5!" he smacks her hand so hard it sends her reeling across the room.
"Is that you Hotspur?" she gasps, "ohhhh my, wait till the gang sees this!"


LIEUTENANT TRAVIS...COLUMBO?....by Terri

Travis sat in the cruiser with his face flaming red. Carson said, "Come on, I'll buy you a milkshake!"
Travis slumped down in the seat even more. "I am so humiliated!"
Carson said, "You'll get over it! You were so quick to believe her that you lost sight of any reasoning. Busting them the second time should have tipped you off."
Travis fumed. I'll get even with those two if it takes me all year. Why, she's no better than a common....
"Chocolate, vanilla or strawberry, Beav?"
"Hmmm? Strawberry."
McGee asked, "Where to now?"
"We question John Gwinnett."
Travis got a hard look in his eyes. Now that I'm going to enjoy!

John was in his office telling Daniel about the murder. Daniel shook his head. "He was great fun, I'll miss him. How's the er, widow doing? Is she prostrate with grief?"
"Not exactly. She called me a little while ago. The police just left. But here is the kicker. Slim is Wanda Sue's brother. Rose told me."
"Who is Wanda Sue?"
"A woman that was blackmailing Rosamond and me. She had a tape....well, she was blackmailing us. Turns out she was blackmailing Montgomery, too. She was his first wife. She never signed the divorce papers. You know what that means?"
Daniel shook his head.

"She was never really legally married to him. At least I don't think so. Or if she was, he is a bigamist. I am going to have Rosamond call Patrick O'Malley. He's a hotshot lawyer from the City. I think she had better have legal counsel. The estate is vast. She may need to protect herself." "How's the hand, John?"
"Hurts if I don't take the pain pills. Uh, oh, this looks official!"
McGee and Carson walked in the office. "Alan! How are you?"
"Hey, John, how's it going?"
John acknowledged Travis with a slight nod of his head.
Alan grabbed a chair and sat on it backwards. "Sorry to do this, but in light of everything that has happened, I need to ask you a few questions."
"Sure."
"Where were you between 11:30 and 1:00 PM?"
"I was at the house on Winding Willow. I had broken my hand. Celeste, our housekeeper, fixed a sling for it. I remember the time because it was the time Mrs. Montgomery's son Will came in from his playgroup."
McGee narrowed his eyes. "You seem extremely familiar with Mrs. Montgomery's family schedule. Why is that?"
John looked at Carson. "Do I have to answer his questions?"
Travis jumped up. "Hey, I'll read you the Miranda if I have to."
John waved him down. "Don't get your badge in a twist, sonny. I am friends with Mrs. Montgomery. That's all."
"What was she doing the night of June 27th in your car on a place known locally as Venus Point?"
"We were at a wedding rehearsal together. I gave her a lift home. We had a friendly argument if the constellation was the Big or Little Dipper. Since there was so much light pollution, we drove down to the Point by the lake to settle it. She caught her dress strap on the car window crank. That was why it was broken. It was cooling off, hence the condensation on the window. As for her shoes off, well, most people do take their shoes off to relax. I just loosened my tie."
John looked at Alan Carson. Carson tried to repress a smile.
Travis was red in the face. "Are you going to--and I quote a president---say, 'I did not have relations with that woman?'"
"Of course I didn't!" Not enough time, you moron! John thought.
Carson and McGee got up.
McGee said, "You'd better not leave the county, Gwinnett!"
John got a surprised look on his face and said,"What do you think I would do, time travel?"

Travis and Carson got outside. Travis said, "Know what I think?"
"No, but I guess I can't stop you from telling me, can I?"
"I think those two were having an affair."
Carson shook his head in disbelief. Well, DUUUUHHH, Travis!

Carson dropped Travis off at the station.
"It's been a long day, McGee. Go home and get some rest. You've been traumatized, finding out that your little malt-shop sweetheart is an adultress!"
Carson laughed.
Travis got out and slammed the car door, furious at Carson for making light of this.
Carson thought, any other guy on the force would have shot me a bird! He laughed to himself as he headed to his small apartment and hotplate.

McGee got in his car, a non-descript, four door white car that looked like any other car on the road. What's wrong with me? Do I need to snazz up my image? Maybe go out on a limb--get a grey or beige car! He sat there for a minute. I don't feel like going home to Mom and Dad and their meatloaf dinner. Why don't I just drop down to that bar, the Dew Drop Inn? I heard Montgomery was there all the time. Maybe I can get a line on what was going on.
He went back in the station to his locker, changing into a pair of jeans and a shirt he kept. Carson would just make light of everything. But if I go looking like an ordinary person, maybe someone will talk to me.

Travis pulled his little car into the lot. Sure are alot of trucks and cycles here. He walked in, squinting until his eyes grew accustomed to the dark.
Bobby Joe was tending bar. "What will it be, pal?"
"A...uh, a Budweiser if you have it."
"HAVE it? Dude, that's about the only beer drunk here!" He set a beer in front of him. Travis took a drink and started coughing! Dang, it's not like a strawberry milkshake! He gingerly took another sip. How do people drink this stuff, anyway?

He tried to look casual. "I understand you lost one of your regular customers."
"Talking about Billy Bob Montgomery? Yeah. Damn shame."
"Friend of yours?"
"Best friend since kindergarten."
"Don't seem too broken up."
Bobby Joe shrugged his shoulders. "What can I do? Life is for the living."
Bobby Joe tried to act a little grief-stricken. Oh, yeah, BB, when you come back you are going to owe me BIG-TIME for this little performance! Wait till I e-mail you about this one!
Travis tried another approach. "I met his wife once. A real nice girl."
"Girl? GIRL? That was a woman with a capital 'W'!"
Travis tried to lean back on the chair and it tipped over. He hastily got up, set the chair upright and sat down again. "How did they meet?"
Bobby Joe poured himself a beer. He leaned over. "Last year she came in here. Trying to drown some guy's memory. She ordered a Tequila Sunrise and then BB bought her a beer. They both drank too much and started dancing. Reaaal slooow!

Then the twin brother of this guy Daniel came in and dragged her out. Told Billy Bob that she was his wife. She left her shoes and came back for them the next day. Now, Billy Bob still thinks she's married but he doesn't care. She kept coming back and they used to sing together up on stage. Man, they were magic! She went to Austin with him, and when they were in New Orleans, they got hitched real quick. On account of she was pregnant."
"With his baby?"
"Of course with his baby! You think he would marry someone who had another guy's 'bun in the oven'?"
This was more than Travis could take in. "What happened to her and that guy? She drop him for Montgomery?"
Bobby Joe shrugged. "Guess so. There for a while I think something was going on with the twin brother, Daniel. He knocked her on her butt one night when she went to kick him. Then she kicked his feet out from under him. Next thing I know, she's leaving with him! 'Course, that was before she got married."
"That guy ever come back?"
"Funny you should mention that. A couple weeks ago, that guy--think his name was John--came in here and totally had an alcoholic meltdown. I discreetly called his brother Daniel to come pick him up. Overheard him say he needed to get to the point he didn't think of her anymore, that he'd lost her for sure."

Travis whistled. "You barkeeps sure hear alot! How did she and her husband get along?"

Bobby Joe had been drinking all along and his lips were loose. "Dang, you talk about Ike and Tina Turner! They were amateurs compared to Tequila Sunrise--that's what we call her----and Billy Bob! One night they were here, it was about three weeks after the baby was born. Well, to put it in a nutshell, he was willing but she wasn't. She punched him in the jaw twice out on Highway 141 and then kicked his drunken butt out onto the road. Threw his cellphone out after him! All he saw were the tail lights! Dang, was he mad! Always wondered what happened after he got home! Heh, heh, heh! They went horse back riding once, he wanted to, she didn't, she smacked his horse on the butt and took off after it. Left him to walk home from the meadow! Yep, that was a pattern with them!"
"Wow!"
"But the wedding was the clincher. Rose's best friend got married. He was jealous that she and Gwinnett seemed to be dancing a little too close. One word led to another and he accused in not too nice language that they were 'getting it on'. Gwinnett threw a punch. End of story? Gwinnett went to the ER, Rose went home with someone else, and Billy Bob got picked up for DUI from some jerk cop!"
Travis' face got dark with anger. Hey, I'm that cop! he thought.
He swallowed the last of his beer. "Any truth to the accusation?"
Bobby Joe shrugged. "I don't know. If she was turning Billy Bob down, she had to be keeping company somewhere....but no one has any proof!"
Travis stood up. "Thanks for the company, pal!"
He walked out. Looks like some old-fashioned snooping around Winding Willow is in order!


THE MIDNIGHT RIDE OF TRAVIS McGEE.......by Coralynn

Travis stews for the rest of the day, thinking of ways to get evidence on Rose and John.
"I'll go out there tonight and catch them in their adultery!" he finally decides. "I'll wait till I know everyone is in bed, and catch them redhanded! Ohhh this is going to be sweet!"

At ten minutes before midnight, Travis drives his own car out to the house on Winding Willow and parks it down the street far enough so that the people in the house don't figure they have company and look out. Travis is counting on them being in bed anyway. Oh yeah, this is going to crack open this case and show motivation like you've never seen motivation for a murder before, he says to himself smugly.

He is still in his street clothes, but has his gun and badge with him just in case. He enters the property on the first side that he comes to. Keeping as far from the actual house as he can, he stealthily pads into the back yard. Ahhhhh yes, most bedroom windows face the back of the house. He has binoculars and camera are around his neck and yanks them around to the front, so he can see things up close and personal.
He sees one window with a light shining behind the drapes. Good! That's probably the sinful place he is seeking. He feels for his gun, yep, still there. His badge, still in his pocket. He begins to work his way toward the house a little closer, the better to see and maybe even get a picture as proof. He sees movement behind the drapes, just a shadow........now, just a little closer.......when his foot stumbles acoss something large and he falls face-first on the ground emitting a yell.
He raises up a bit and sees that he has tripped over a person. A male. A large guy with red hair, as is evident when he shines his flashlight into the other man's face.
"Who are you and what are you doing out here?" they both ask at once.
"I am sleeping out under the stars, young whippersnapper. My name is Hotspur and who may you be and why are you trespassing?"
"Never heard of you!" Travis is trying to recover his dignity and think of a good reason to explain his presence in the yard, then, not being as clever as he'd like to be, simply tells this Hotspur guy that:
"I'm a Police Detective, investigating a murder case."
Hotspur remembers hearing the group at the house say something about a murder. Just what was it they said? He can't remember exactly. All he can think to say is "And why?"
"WHY?! WHY?! Surely you know that John Gwinett and Rose Montgomery are lovers and had her husband killed! Any child in school knows that!" Travis is trying to keep his voice down, but it isn't easy.
Then it clicks in Hotspur's muddled brain and he says proudly, "John - and - Rose - are - not - lovers - William - said - so." Travis wishes he had another cop with him for a witness to this almost-confession.
"Why would William tell you that? Did he tell you to say that?"
Hotspur simply reiterates, "John - and - Rose - are - not - lovers - William - said - so."
"I should run you in on suspicion!" Travis grabs the man's arm, which is a huge mistake, as Hotspur flings him away, tumbling onto the ground, rolling over several times.
Travis is humiated and pulls out his gun. "OK, buddy, you're being taken in for assaulting a Police Officer!" he grabs for the handcuffs that hang from his belt and tries to get them on Hotspur's wrists, which Hotspur does not allow. He keeps flinging Travis back onto the ground.
Finally, in desperation, Travis pulls out the cellphone he has sequestered in his clothes and dials 9-1-1.
The Operator answers, asking what is the nature of the emergency.
"I need police out at 224 Winding Willow Drive, and I need them now!" Travis yells into the phone. The noise of his voice awakens several people in the house, and many lights go on. Travis can see them go from the upstairs to the hallway, then down to the first floor. He panics and bolts into the front yard, down the sidewalk, and into his car. He races away from the scene.
Some days ya can't win for losing! he thinks, but I'll be back, oh yes, I'll be back!!


JUST WHAT I NEED ON A NIGHT LIKE THIS......by Terri

Billy Bob settled into his suite in Paris.
He hooked up his laptop and typed in "jameson007@aol.com" and composed the following message:

Arrived safely and am staying at the Royal Arms on main drag. Will contact later. Advise on "final arrangements." Keep an eye out on my 'flower'. Mike Olsen


William switched on the lights. "What the devil is going on out there?"
One by one, the doors upstairs emptied. Rose collided with John in the hall.
"What is that noise? It will wake the kids up!"
"Stay here, Rose. William and I will check on it."
He and William went downstairs. Hotspur was making his way to the French doors.

William was indignant. "Harry! What are you doing out HERE? Beds are for sleeping in! Not the lawn! Are you the one making all that racket?" Hotspur was furious. "Nay! A young whippersnapper with a contraption around his neck and black things he put up to his eyes was prowling around the premises. He was intent on gazing up at yonder windows. Said he was investigating a murder case. Could it be the lord of the fair Rosamond that he was speaking of?"
John and William exchanged looks.
Hotspur was proud of himself. "I made it very clear to him that Rose and John were NOT lovers. I told him you said so, William!"
William cuffed him upside the head. "I don't know about you, Hotspur! No wonder you charged into battle! You didn't have the brains to be afraid! Well, as long as we are all up, we might as well have some cocoa to put us to sleep."
William put a pot of warm milk on. Rosamond and Eleanor came down. Eleanor said, "Marthy, Bess and Jack are on the other side of the house, guess they didn't hear this."
Celeste sat down. "I see trouble. A man in blue." She looked at Rosamond and John.

Rosamond sat down. "I didnt' tell any of you, well, John knows. It turns out my late husband kept secrets from me. He was married to a Wanda Sue Skaggs when he was 16. She never signed the papers. Wanda Sue is also known as Susan Hemingway. Tomorrow I am going to call Patrick O'Malley and see what steps I need to take. Whether I get a divorce or an annulment. IF I was even married to him."
Eleanor said, "You mean, after all this time you and John could have been together?"
John said, "I'm afraid so. What a waste of time. Rose was locked into a loveless marriage and I was deprived of three months of my daughter's life."
William looked out the window. "You kids be careful. Someone has it out for the two of you. Wonder why?"
Rose and John just exchanged looks.


After the ruckus had calmed down, William explained to Hotspur that one did not go randomly sleeping out in the yard, that civilized people slept inside. He showed him to Bethia's old room and shut the door. Celeste said goodnight to them and went upstairs.
Rose said to John, "Do you ever wonder if William and Celeste will ever be a couple? They seem so compatible and comfortable with each other." John smiled. "Yes, they do seem well suited. Mayhap she will be his 'lady friend'!"
John and Rosamond walked up the stairs together.
John hesitated at the door. "Rose? Could I please see the baby...just for a minute?"
Rose said, "Alright. But don't wake her up."
John followed Rose into her room. He reached down and pulled her pink blanket down. "She's so beautiful!" he whispered. "It is so hard to believe she is really mine!"
He pulled the blanket back up and turned to go.
Rose sat down on the bed, pulling her robe closer to her. She started to shiver and shake with nerve strain.
John sat next to her and enfolded her in his arms. "What's the matter, love? I am here."
Rose started to sob. "My life has just been turned upside down in the last 24 hours. I am now a widow..I think! Oh, John, how am I going to get through the next week? A funeral? I can't do that! I owe him that, though. He loved me. Or at least what he considered love."
John held her until she was calm again. She pulled the covers back and got into bed. He pulled the comforter up and tucked her in and turned to go.
"John?"
"Yes, honey?"
"Tell me it will be alright."
"It will."
"I want you to stay. Just hold me."
John closed the door and turned out the light.


R.I.P, BB--ASAP!..........by Terri

Rosamond pulled her black dress out of the closet and brushed her hair back into a French twist. She popped a Valium. I hate to use them, but it's the only way I can get through this morning, she thought. She looked at her face in the mirror. Can I look any more pale?
The dress was very simple, a basic black dress that every woman over 21 should have in her closet. She put on her pearl necklace. Bethia should be back in time for this. It was wonderful of John to call her for me. Celeste was taking care of Julie at the memorial so that is one less thing I have to worry about.
It was so kind of Jameson to take care of all the arrangements. I still can't believe Billy Bob is gone! He was so...vital...so INTENSE. And he had another wife. Or ex-wife. Or whatever. How could he keep something like that from me? And why did he cling so tight to our marriage when it was obvious I wasn't happy?

There was a knock on her bedroom door.
"Rosamond? It's time to go." John opened up the door. "Nice. Very nice. Very understated. How are you?"
She sighed. "How do you think I am? I am burying a husband and I am only 22."
John said solemnly. "How long a mourning period before we can get married?"
Rosamond was shocked. "How can you even ask me that on a day like this, John?"
"Hey, I didn't like the guy and if he hadn't pulled this crap we would have been married ourselves. Besides, I have him to thank for this." He held his hand up.
William was passing by the room.
"I need to talk to the two of you. Right after this memorial, you need to cool your jets. There are people watching this case...and the two of you. That one officer, the younger one, is itching to bust this case wide open. And for some reason he has a personal vendetta against the two of you. My advice---no touching, no talking, no glances, smouldering or otherwise. I think Rosamond should ride with Celeste and me. It looks more like we are her surrogate parents. Eleanor, you and Jerry can swing by and pick up Bethia and Roger. John, are you going with Henry and Daniel?"
"Yeah, I was hoping to give Rose a ride."
"HAVE YOU NOT BEEN LISTENING TO ANYTHING I HAVE BEEN SAYING? Your BUTTS are on the line! And as far as sneaking into each others' room...can it for a while. Little Will does not need to know and he just MAY spill anything he DOES know. Children shouldn't learn to talk until they are twenty anyway!"

Rose, William and Celeste arrived at the funeral home. Celeste was carrying Julie.
Rosamond leaned heavily on William's arm. The roses and daisies Rosamond had sent arrived amid a virtual florist shop. Guess Billy Bob DID have alot of friends. If he hadn't been such a domineering husband, he may have been a nicer person to be around.

Jameson came up somberly and kissed Rosamond on the cheek.
"Honey, are you alright?"
"As well as can be expected, Jameson."
Mary Ellen and J.R. came up to her next. J.R. gave her a big hug, and his voice started to crack. "Ah, darling, a sad day for us all."
Mary Ellen stood there, her face half covered with a hat and veil. She stiffly hugged Rosamond briefly and whispered, "At least he left a child. I have SOMETHING left of my beautiful boy."
Rosamond looked at her incredulously and said, "Since when did you care?"
"Little Josie is our legacy. She's a Montgomery" Mary Ellen said through clenched teeth.
"JULIE--it's JULIE!"
Rose turned her back on Mary Ellen. Strange. I would have thought the two of them would have been racked with grief.
Bethia and Roger came up and gave Rosamond a big hug.
Bethia's eyes teared up. "Oh, Rose, how awful! Anything you need...."
"Thanks, Bethia. The music is starting, I think I had better sit down." Rose sat in front with Billy Bob's parents. She smiled slightly to herself.
Leave it to Billy Bob to have 'Whiter Shade of Pale' for his send-off music! If you didn't know, it could pass for a hymn!
Jameson got up to the podium.
"We are gathered here to remember William Robert Montgomery. He was a devoted husband, son and father. And a good friend to all who knew him...."
Carson and McGee stood in the back. McGee thought, look at the two of them! They don't fool me!
Carson thought, I wonder what each one of them is thinking...


THOUGHTS..............by Coralynn

As the memorial service drones on, Marilyn thinks, "All this to-do about a guy who was an egotistical bastard, bully, and made Rose's life hell. Oh well, his parents liked him, or at least I imagine they did. His male buddies, those cowboys out at that Dew Drop Inn didn't know the side of him that Rose got to know, so they're eulogizing him to the skies. Hope I can stay awake till it's over."
Eleanor, sitting beside Marilyn is thinking, "As much as I dislike the way the guy died, I won't miss having Rose have to sneak around on him. I won't miss him bossing her around. I must admit she brought it on herself, and she did teach him how to treat her, which wasn't very good, and this adultery thing was getting kinda stale and disgusting........I'm glad he's gone."

In the row behind them, Rafe is wondering if the service will ever be over. "I don't sit in one place for any length of time before I get squirmy. I didn't know this Billy Bob guy and I only came here to keep peace with William and all the others, but I am bored, bored, bored!"
Quite a few rows behind him, WandaSue, aka Susan Hemingway, is craning her neck to get a glimpse of Rose and John. "Ahhhh yes, there they are. Not sitting together. Ha! Who do they think they're kidding? They won't be laughing long when they find out that I'm still Montgomery's legal wife! And am I ever going to get a payday out of it! Bring it on!
But then WandaSue sees Rafe sitting several rows in front of her, "Oh-oh, lover boy! I should have known. I should know not to venture into enemy terriroty. If he's here, then he knows these guys, and I sure don't want to deal with them or God forbid, Slim, right now. I can do my talking through my lawyer to get my share of Montgomery's fortune. As soon as this thing ends, I'm OUT of here. Maybe even before......."

Slim is sitting in the row behind WSue, but down the row quite a ways, and is trying to see if she is who he thinks she is.
"Dang! That looks like my sister over there! Black hair can't fool me! So she went to California, did she? Right!! Like I believed that! Well, sister dear, I'm keeping my eye on you, now that I know where you are. You leave here and my red SUV will be tailing you all the way back to wherever it is you're staying! Hot damn!"

Hotpur, sitting near William, so the latter can keep an eye on him, isn't paying any attention to the services going on at the front of the room.
He's thinking, "Bill is right. I have so many things to learn about this place and time that marrying Rosamond shouldn't be my first thought. It's a thought that keeps banging into my head, though. How do I keep it from banging into my head? Let's see: in order to annex her family's land to my own, we'd have to go back in time and place. If we both stay here, hey, I don't see our land anywhere around here!! William said it was across the Ocean. Where's the Ocean, I wonder. If Rose and I married, would our land still be there across the Ocean after all this time? This marrying idea is getting soooooo confusing. What if she marries that John guy? That would slow down my plans! Bill is right: think of other things. Like......oh let's see.......how about figure out how to make that box with the pictures and the sound coming out of it work. Need to figure out why, when I flip a switch, light comes on in a room. What is that all about!! My head spins from it all. I am sooooo confused."

MORE THOUGHTS...........by Terri

John tried to listen to the eulogies but it was hard not glancing at Rosamond to see how she was holding up. Damn that Montgomery! Why did he have to go and get himself killed? It would have been easier----and a pleasure----to have him served with divorce papers. I suppose we have to wait a respectable time before we can legally get married. It's not like she was totally in love with the guy. And now we have the police watching our every move. McGee, that little weasel, looks like trouble.

Bethia sat there next to Roger, holding his arm. What a waste of life! she thought. Yes, he was a bully and possessive of Rosamond. Yes, maybe if she hadn't been cheating on him with John he wouldn't feel the need to be so domineering. They may have had a chance. He WAS a good father to Julie, from what I observed. And he was appreciative when I took care of Rosamond after Julie was born. But darn it! If he wasn't so bullheaded he would have seen that Rose was miserable! That they were a mismatch from the beginning!

Roger ruminated, As a doctor believing in the sanctity of life, I SHOULD be appalled and disgusted but I keep thinking, Wow! What a break for Rosamond...shame of it is, she's too young to be a widow...she'd do better as a divorced woman...and if he was a decent husband, he would have let her choose her own OB...and would have delivered in a nice sterile hospital instead of in that house with a monsoon outside...

Jerry didn't think too much of anything. Aw, well, it's a shame...but hey, now that Rose is free, she and John don't have to sneak around. And that puts the pressure off Eleanor for playing 'school monitor' to those two. Now El doesn't have to stand there with a bucket of cold water, ready to splash on them!

Marthy and Bess, just being young, were observing the people around them. Bess said to Marthy, "Rosamond looks good in black. But if it were me, I'd get some of that real dark red lipstick, the kind that almost looks black. It would be a good contrast with her light hair. Hard to believe Rosamond is only about four years older than us! She's got two kids already! Honestly, you'd think she would be smarter than that! If it were ME, I'd wear about seven gold chains with that dress..pearls are just too, well, classic! I mean, there's plenty of time to wear pearls when we hit middle age! I plan on wearing them when I hit 30! Oh, and boots! Wouldn't boots look positively killer with that dress of hers? Marthy was only half listening to Bess. "Bess!" she whispered. "Is THAT the guy?"
"Which guy?"
"The one with the red beard! Holy smokes! He looks like a Viking! Check out all that red hair! And tall! So THAT is Harry 'Hotspur' Percy, the one that Rosamond got her first kiss from! WOW! I can see why she remembers it! He's so...dynamic!"
Marthy sighed. "I guess it would be romantic, with all that hay and the moonbeams shining through the rafters...and being fourteen! He's a....well, a MAN! What was he, 23 at the time? WOW! What a dreamboat! Wonder if he and Rose will take up where they left off? You never forget your first love, I hear..." Marthy sneaked a peak at Jack.
They were jolted back to reality when the hymns started.
Jack leaned over and whispered to them, "Hey!...isn't that Joe Diffie's 'Prop Me Up Beside the Jukebox If I Die' set to organ music?"

Jameson had given a background on Billy Bob, relating a few anecdotes about his cousin. Darn, this was hard! he thought. I have to stand here and say what a great guy he was...well, he WAS, but this whole ruse is making me feel like a scumbucket. I mean, how can I stand here and look at that little wife's face? She's so...in shock?

Bobby Joe got up to give his eulogy.
"Billy Bob and I were childhood friends. We met in kindergarten and stayed close all through the years. I remember a time when we were seven..."

The service lasted about 45 minutes. Rosamond got up and spoke to those in attendance. In a quavering voice, she said, "Thank you all for taking the time out of your day to remember your friend. I am afraid some of you I don't know. Even though Billy Bob and I hadn't been married a year, it is one year I will never forget. Billy Bob had changed my life in ways I will always remember." She tried very hard not to cry. Even though she planned on divorcing him, she did have a few fond memories...of Austin, New Orleans....and alot of not so nice memories.

Bobby Joe announced, "We are planning on having open bar at the Dew Drop Inn. Everyone is invited. I know Billy Bob would have wanted it that way! Let's give him a good send-off!"
Afterwards, Bobby Joe came up to Rosamond, "Are you coming to the Dew Drop, Tequila Sunrise?"
Rose sighed, "No, thank you, Bobby Joe. That chapter in my life is now closed."
Bobby Joe said, "If you don't mind, Rosamond, I would like to stop in to see you from time to time...just to keep a check and see if you are doing OK, and if you need anything. I know Billy Bob would have wanted it that way."
"Sure, Bobby Joe..why not?"
"Uh, Rose? What are your plans?"
"I'm staying out at my friend Eleanor's for a while. It's where I used to live. I need to be in familiar surroundings and they love and take care of me. I just need their emotional support right now."
"You DO plan on being back at the ranch, don't you?"
"I hadn't thought of it. I don't know what I'll do. I suppose being his wife, I inherit. I don't even know where Billy Bob kept his papers. Probably in the safe."
Bobby Joe knew about all the paperwork Jameson had whipped up in a hurry. He said, "I'd check with Jameson. They were as close as brothers, for being cousins. I am sure Billy Bob entrusted Jameson with all his legal papers."
Rose smiled weakly. "Thank you, Bobby Joe. I'm going home and get some rest. You all have a good time on Billy Bob."
With that, she turned and walked to the car with William and Celeste and gave out a sigh of relief. At least I got through the funeral, she thought.

Officer Alan Carson walked over to John. "How's it going at the gym, John?"
"Going pretty good, Alan."
Officer Travis McGee was pulling on Alan's arm. "Ask him about his hand, Alan! Ask him! See what he says!" McGee whispered.
Alan tried to pull McGee off his sleeve. "Uh, John, I need to ask you official-like. What happened to your hand?"
John shrugged. "It's no secret. Montgomery said some ugly things and I threw a punch at him. Good grief, Alan! Stuff like that happens in a redneck bar every day!"
McGee sneered, "Yes, but they don't all end in murder, do they, Gwinnett?"
John glared at McGee. "Better put some newspapers down, Alan, before your puppy there has an accident!"
McGee took a few threatening steps forward. "Why, you...!"
John held up his hand. "Hey, you wouldn't take advantage of a handicapped person, would you, McGee? Police brutality wouldn't look so good on your record!"
Alan stepped between the two. "Guys, this is neither the time or the place for this. I mean, come on! It's a funeral!"
McGee snarled, "You haven't heard the last of this." He turned to go to the squad car.
John yelled back, "Damn right I haven't!"
Alan sighed. "Just watch it, John. Don't tick him off too much. He CAN make your life miserable."
Alan got in the cruiser and turned to McGee. "Come on, Junior. I'll buy you a Happy Meal--and you can even keep the toy!"


Subj: Memorial Service
Date: 7/7/03 2:00 PM EST
From: Jameson007@aol.com
To: Olsen007@aol.com

Memorial Service for my cousin went well. Large crowd, lots of DDI friends there. Lots of sniffles. Investigating officers there, widow was tearful but subdued. She sent roses and daisies. No breakthrough on case, will keep on top though. J. Osgood


SLIM ON A MISSION.............by Coralynn

Slim sees WandaSue leave the building and follows her out to the parking lot, ducking behind vehicles when he think she's going to turn around and see him. She goes to her blue car and enters.
"Wow, that's a beauty of a car," he thinks as he picks his way over to his red SUV, "She must have gotten some money off Montgomery! Well, there's a lot I need to find out about sister dear, and I'm about to!"
As her car reaches the road and makes a right-hand turn signal, his does the same, and soon they're tooling through town heading for.......where? Slim isn't sure, but he keeps her car in view and tries to stay back just far enough so that she won't see who's driving the SUV.
She drives out of town heading southeast. He does the same.
"She did move out of town," he has to admit, "Let's see, what other town could she be living in.......I've never been down these roads."
When he sees the "You are now entering Pleasantville" sign, he looks around and sees a town with large, expensive houses. He whistles through his teeth, "She must have gotten more money off Montgomery than I thought.......I wonder if she did get a cool million. That witch! She doesn't plan to share it, either, if my calls to her cellphone tell me anything.
This reminds him of the cellphone, so he picks his up and dials hers. He can see her pick her cellphone up and put it to her ear. Good!

"Slim, what 'd'ya want now?" her voice answers with hostility.
"Just wondered how you were spending your ill-gotten fortune, WandaSue!" he says cheerfully, to throw her off balance.
"I'm sure as hell not spending any of it on you!" is her rejoinder.
"Bought a blue Acura, did you?" he decides to see if he can freak her out.
"So what if I did?" she shoots back at him. She sounds pretty confident, but wonders how he knew this. Does he have spies out looking for her? Was that Rafe guy one of them? She drives a little faster, for what reason she isn't altogether sure.

As she reaches her apartment complex she turns into the parking area and shuts off her car. Looking around, she sees only a blue SUV she is sure belongs to the people downstairs, and, shaking off her unease, lets herself into her apartment.
Slim drives very slowly to see which door she's entering. He parks the SUV near the building and with binoculars looks through the windows of the stairwell. Yes! She's going upstairs! She's turning left!! A-ha! That must be her place.
He writes down the address; the number on the building she entered, and noted that she'd gone up the stairs and turned left. Lighting up a Marlboro, he smirks and congraulated himself on a successful sleuthing project.
"That's all I need to know for now," he says to the inside of the vehicle, "Now to lay a trap for her. I wonder when Rose will be up for this little caper. Hmmmm. Let's see now, what could we do to drive WandaSue to madness? This will take some thought!"
He drives out of the complex, hangs a right and goes back to Chappaqua.

MEANWHILE, at the Big House

Celeste is feeling that something is wrong, out of place, out of sync. When Marilyn knocks softly on her bedroom door, Celeste admits her and isn't surprised when Marilyn blurts out, "Celeste! Something is very wrong here. I don't get the feeling that Billy Bob Montgomery is dead!"
"Sit down, dear," Celeste motions Marilyn to sit by the small table upon which Celeste keeps her crystal ball. "Let's look and see," she begins waving her hands around the dome of the ball, closes her eyes and sends mental instructions to the crystal.
A picture forms, then becomes clearer. Marilyn and Celeste see the Eiffel Tower. Then, in the crowd near it, they see a man who looks like a dead-ringer for Billy Bob Montgomery. The two women look at each other in amazement.
"He must be in Paris," Marilyn whispers.
"That's what the ball shows," Celeste agrees, "But Marilyn, you must promise me you won't say a word. Not one word!! It would be tampering with destiny. This may not be accurate, though the ball has an accuracy of 98.7, give or take a tenth of a degree, but it's just an indication, not proof. Will you keep this under your hat?"
Marilyn chews on her lower lip and Celeste can see her struggling with the moral dilemma.
Finally Marilyn nods and says, "I'll keep mum for now, Celeste, but I tell ya, it will be hard!"
"Of course it will," Celeste agrees, "But this information is not yet right to divulge." "I just know it isn't time, dear, so, since I'm the Olde Pro here, will you go along with me on this?"
"OK, promise!" Marilyn sighs and wonders what odd machinations caused that Montgomery creep to go to France. She sees Celeste put the black flannal back over the crystal ball, and leaves the room.


THE FITNESS CENTER.....WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME.....by Coralynn

Travis McGee has heard that almost everyone in town is signing up for the fitness center.
"I could use some toning up," he thinks, as he packs some exercise clothing in a satchel, "And if I go to that gym and keep my eyes and ears open, I might just be able to pick up some much needed information on that murder case. Somebody knows more than they're saying, I just know it. Eventually somebody will squeal, and I'll be there! Yes I will!"

The fitness center is just opening at that minute. Slim and Daniel and Rafe are looking at the book, seeing how many people are apt to show up.
"We're going to have a busy day!" Daniel exclaims.
"Hey, before we get so busy we don't have a chance to talk," Slim says to the other two men, "I got a real dandy situation and I might need some help..."
"Yeah? Like what?" "Well, my no-good sister, WandaSue, lives in Pleasantville, you know in that big new apartment complex? Ever been over there?"
Rafe and Daniel exchange looks. "Rafe has!" Daniel tells him. "Well, yeah....I had a tryst there back last week with a Susan Hemingway, a real looker!" Rafe boasts.
Slim thinks, Just a minute, didn't Rose tell me WandaSue was using that name? Could it be?!
"What color hair did she have?" he asks Rafe.
"Black, jet black!" Rafe answers.
"Rafe, I think you were with my sister, WandaSue. She likes to change her name from time to time, but she showed up at the Montgomery funeral, did you see her there, too?"
"I think I saw her," Rafe says after thinking hard, "I'm pretty sure."
"Bingo, then, I think it's really WandaSue, and I tell ya, guys, she is a piece of work. Goes around blackmailing people........why she lifted a cool million off Montgomery before he was murdered!"
Rafe is alarmed, "You don't think she murdered him, do you?"
"Nawwww, she doesn't go in for violence. She's more of a con artist."
"She sure conned me," Rafe grumbles, "After a whole afternoon and night of passion, she ran out on me when I brought her to the fitness center the other day."
"Really?!" Slim is now beginning to put two and two together.
"Yeah," Daniel told him, "She came here with us, then skeedaddled out and we never saw her again. We can't figure why she did that! She's a nutcase! Sorry, Slim, don't mean to call your kin a bad name, but...."
"I've called her worse than that!" Slim laughs, "She's been unwilling to even to talk to me. I thought she and I were friends, but she's gone off and become a real renegade. I'd let to get back at her, and as it turns out, you would, too."
Rafe shuffles around and says, "I just figured it was a matter of you can't win every time and I tried to forget it."
"Forget it? No, no, my friend, you must remember it. What kind of bad woman must she be to treat you like that? We need to fix her good."
The other two men lean in to hear just how Slim plans to 'fix her good,' but Slim only says, "If you come up with a good idea, let me know. It has to be planned out and it has to make her feel like a damned fool, which, of course, she is. Let me know when you have an idea and we'll move on it."
"I was hoping you'd have an idea," Daniel put in. "OK, later!! I see a whole bunch of people coming in for their workouts."
Travis McGee goes to the counter and signs up for membership, paying the fee and getting a brochure that tells all about the fitness center. He goes to the changing room and is quickly back in electric blue shorts with a big red, white and blue flag top. He sees himself go by in one of the large mirrors and thinks, Ya look good, kid, you can show these yokels how to exercise!!

Seeing that they have a new member, Rafe approaches Travis, not knowing that Travis is a cop.
"I can explain the various apparatus," he begins, only to be cut off by Travis, who says in a cocky voice, "I know how to exercise, buddy. Get out of my way!"
Travis begins leg presses, setting the tension as high as it will go. He grins like a real winner as he pushes against the bar that comes down, and he pushes it back up. Gads, this isn't easy, but he continues anyway. Not going to let these yokels know I'm not sure about what I'm doing.
Daniel then approaches him and begins taking the tension down to something more reasonable. Though Travis is glad, he is also annoyed.
Daniel tries to be as nice as Daniel is able to be, "I can increase the tension in increments...."
"Aren't you the brother of John Gwinett?" Travis asks him right out of the blue.
"Yes."
Travis is getting winded, but continues, "Did he kill Billy Bob Montgomery?"
Asking outright can trip these dumb guys up. They answer before they get a chance to think.
Then why isn't he answering, why isn't he telling that John killed the guy? Damn!! Some of the things I learned at the Police Academy are worthless!

"Of course not," Daniel answers and walks away.
Hey! That's not what's supposed to happen! The guy should have gotten all sweaty and nervous and I could have shaken him down for a lot of info, but the jerk just walks away! Now I can't ask him anything else for awhile. Let's see, who else can I put the finger on?
He sees some of the women he is sure he saw at that memorial service yesterday. As casually as he can manage, he saunters over to where Marilyn is walking on a treadmill.
"HI!" he says.
She looks over and recognizes him, "Oh, hi."
Might as well go for the jugular, he thinks, "Did Rose and John plot Montgomery's murder! Come on, I know you know, so fess up, sister!"
Marilyn stops the tredmill and casually walks away into the women's locker rooms.
OK, he thinks, strike two. Who else knows? I'll bet almost all of them do. It's a conspiracy, that's what it is. They all know, and now they're trying to make me look ridiculous. They must be hardened criminals if the proven techniques I learned at the Police Academy don't work on them. That's it!! They're all criminals. I'm going back to the police station and running background checks on these people. Now what exactly are their names? Well, the names have to be written down somewhere!
Travis goes back into the men's changing room and showers off, then, towel wrapped, he goes to his locker, opens it and it's empty.
He looks in amazement. Empty! I know I put my uniform in here. I have to go to work, I need my uniform. Where is it? He proceeds to open every locker that isn't locked up, searching. No good. Ohhhhhh, they're a clever bunch! he thinks, as he puts on his exercise clothes again, sweaty though they may be. I'm not going to give them the satisfaction of knowing they succeeded in stealing my uniform. I'll go home, get another one, then, when I get to the Station report the theft. Ohhhhh jeez, what will the others say if I report that my uniform disappeared out of a locker at the gym? I hate it when they call me Sonny and treat me like a child.
Travis marches out of the fitness center, not looking to the left or the right.
When the door closes behind him, Slim appears in the center office where Daniel is finishing up some paperwork and flings a police uniform on the desk, "I say there, think we could use this when we figure out a way to get back at WandaSue?"
Daniel's eyes light up, "Yeahhhhhhh, but isn't there some law against impersonating a law officer?"
"You read too many cheap detective novels!" Slim declares as he stuffs the uniform into a large shopping bag and pushes it under the desk.


THEY BUILT WHAT?!...................by Coralynn

Hotspur is still in a state of confusion about his land in England and that of Rose's family. He wracks his brain for a way to combine the two properties into one massive estate even though 800 years have passed.
"Conqueror," he approaches William hesitantly, "Is there a way for me to find out if my land and Rose's land in England is till in our families?"
"Why would you want to know that?" William asks as he flips through his five newspapers, barely glancing up at Hotspur.
"Well, you see," Hotspur sits in a chair across the table from William, "If our lands are still in our names, then when Rose and I wed, we can combine them into one massive, I mean huge,,,,,,,,"
William rolls his eyes and puts down the newspaper. "OK, Hotstuff, once and for all, let us find out. For that we have to go on the computer."
Both men walk to where the main house computer sits. "What's a computer?" Hotspur asks, not surprisingly.
"Ohhhhh, it's too hard to explain. Watch and learn!" William tells him as they both position themselves in front of it. William boots it up and goes online and feeds the longitude and latitude of the Percy land into the website. A topographical map appears.
"We need one that shows more," he explains as he then clicks on another button and up comes an aereal photo of the property. Trees and many building appear. William zooms in on the building and concludes, "Well, Hotpants, it appears they've built a shopping mall on your ancient family land." This tickles William and he begins to guffaw.
"Not funny, not funny!" Hotspur is beside himself, "I know about shopping malls........Bill took me to one a couple days ago. One of those shopping malls?"
"Right!"
Hotspur holds his head between his hands and groans, "How dare they?"
William stops laughing but his smile is hard to erase, "Look, in 800 years land changes hands. It doesn't just sit there waiting for a time traveler to go and claim it again. You are out of luck, my friend. And........will you ever get the idea out of your numb skull that you are ever going to wed Rose? It just is not going to happen!"
"Not ever?"
"No, never!"
Hotspur is silent, which is a break for William, but the latter doesn't want to crush the man's spirits totally, so he adds, "If I take you back to your original timeframe, you can have your land at least for your normal lifespan. Would you like that? It can be easily done."
"But, but........they have no television back then, and no microwaves.....and no shopping malls YET......and no air conditioning......and no......"
"I take it then that you've decided to stay here, even though by doing so you lose your right to your property in England?"
"Uh-huh. Yeah. But, I need property somewhere. I am of the landed gentry, you know. To be of the landed gentry you must have land or you're just 'gentry' and that doesn't impress anyone. How can I get some land of my own so I can impress....."
"Forget impressing!" Williams eyebrows raise, "If you are determined to own land, however, there is a way. It's called, you'll pardon the expression, 'getting a job,' which means you go off and work for money and save the money and buy land with it."
"How long does that take?"
"It all depends on what your job is and how much it pays and how willing you are to save said money instead of spending it all right away."
Hotspur gets a determined look on his face.
"I'll DO it. I'll get a job. Doing what, I wonder."
William tosses the want ads across the table at him and goes back to reading the rest of the news.

Before Hotspur gets more than three want ads read, which is difficult, as the language has changed so much, the doorbell rings. He glances at William, who shows no sign of moving from his station at the dining room table, surrounded by newspapers, and answers the door himself.
Jerry steps inside carrying several books and asks Hotspur, "Is Eleanor here right now? I'm returning her books."
William hears this and walks over, "Eleanor had to go into Manhattan to have a new Wonder Woman sportscaster outfit made."
"That's right, she told me! I forgot. I can't stay.....I'm off to show a property to the Ballingers."

"Property??" Hotspur's eyes light up.
"I sell property, houses, and such, yes." Jerry answers.
Hotspur hates to be rejected, but thinks it's worth the chance, so he asks, "Can I please go along and see how you do it? I love property!"
Jerry smiles, "Sure! Come along!"
Hotspur is all but dancing in glee, which he tries to control, but isn't succeeding.
They go out to Jerry's car and get in. Hotspur buckles his seat belt like he sees Jerry do.
As they ride along, Hotspur asks, "You sell property! That's a great thing. I had a very large piece of property back in England, but William showed me on the computer that after 800 years the land has ended up a shopping mall, which saddens me. I need property to be a landed gentry, after all. Without land, I'm just a gentry, and how impressive is that?"
"You have a good point, my friend," Jerry agrees as they appoach the property. The Ballingers have arrived before them.
"Those are the people who want to buy the property?" Hotspur wants to make sure he understands the situation. He has understood so few situations up to this point that he feels he needs to check and double-check.
"Right. The Ballingers. They've seen several other properties that were listed by other Brokers, and I'm hoping the decide on this one because it's my listing."
"A-ha!" Hotspur actually grasps the basic meaning.
The Ballingers smile and shake hands with Jerry.
"I have my assistant, Harry Percy, with me today," Jerry tells them, and Hotspur imitates the handshaking he just saw Jerry perform. Mrs. Ballinger looks up at him and smiles seductively.

They enter the large house that sits near the front of the land. It's spacious but homey.
As the look around at the vestibule, Hotspur says, "This house is spacious but homey, look, the stairs wind up, which is quite beautiful. Let's look at the kitchen."
Jerry is amazed. Hotspur seems to be in his element. Well, let's see what he can do!
Hotspur is on a roll, "This has to be the best kitchen in the county," he tells the Ballingers.
Jerry wonders how Hotspur could possibly know that.
"See all the storage space?" Hotspur is so enthusiastic he can barely contain himself.
Mrs. Ballinger is enthralled, partly with the house, and partly with this super-hot salesman. She takes his arm as they go down into the basement.
"Ahhhhh, a warm, dry basement! Even after that rain we had last night, see, no moisture in the basement. I love this basement!" Hotspur says sincerely.
"It is lovely, George, think what we could do down here! We could make a playroom for the kids, we could use it for storage, that part over there would be perfect......"
"Ahhh yes, madame! You see a vision for this room! Think what a grand place it would be for your children to play in. Think how your valuable possessions would never suffer water damage down here,,,,,,,think...."
"I want it!" Mrs. Ballinger declares. "This is a perfect house! Thank you for showing it to us, Mr. Percy!"
Jerry is beginning to feel extraneous, but he's amused at the natural talent this man from 800 years ago possesses. "Shall we go back to the office and make a formal bid for the property?" he asks.
Mr. Ballinger smiles confidently and said a definite, "Yes! Let's get a bid in before anyone else sees it and snatches it up. Thank you, young man," he smiles at Hotspur.

They go back to Jerry's Real Estate office and the paperwork is completed. They agree to the owner's purchase price, which means the sale is a done deal.
After they leave, Jerry turns to Hotspur and says casually, "Hey, Hotspur, I mean, Harry, how would you like to work for me as a salesman?"
Hotspur feels a great jolt of happiness shoot through him. "YES!" And so the legend of Hotspur, the Hottest real estate salesman in Westchester County is begun.


THE WIDDER-WOMAN AND THE GYM JOCK........by Terri

Rosamond got up about 5:00 from sleeping all afternoon, a combination of the Valium and just plain stress from the past few days. She came downstairs just as everyone was gathering for dinner. Bethia and Roger had come over for dinner. Eleanor invited Jerry for dinner, kind of a post-funeral- welcome-back Beth and Roger affair. Jack, Marthy and Bess left to go to the mall shopping and to a movie. Marilyn and Eleanor were getting the dishes ready, Bethia was setting the table.
Bethia came over and hugged Rosamond tightly. "How are you doing, girlfriend?"
Rose smiled wanly. "Alright for an old widder-woman, I guess. How long do I have to wear black?"
Marilyn came back in. "For about 20 more minutes I would say!"
Rose sat down. "I know it is hard for you all to believe, but even though I was going to leave him, we did have a few brief moments..."
"Shhh!" Eleanor whispered. John came in the room carrying the baby and Will trailing behind. Will tugged on John's shirt tail. "Uncle John, can you be my Daddy NOW?"

John put his arm around Will and pulled him close. "Yes, Will, soon I will be your Daddy."
Will spun around. "YAY! YAY! YAY! Uncle John is gonna be my daddy..Uncle John is gonna be my daddy..Uncle John is gonna be my daddy....." he sang. They sat down to dinner. Hotspur tried to sit next to Rose but John pushed him out of the way. "There' s your spot over there, HotShot..."
"HotSPUR..not Hotshot..or Hotpants, as William put it. HOTSPUR! Please try to remember it...dude."
John couldn't resist a smile. "Sure thing. Hotsh...spur."
William and Celeste started to pass the platters around. "What are your plans, Rosamond? You are welcome to stay here as long as you want, you know."
Rose shrugged. "I guess a will needs to be read. Bobby Joe indicated that Jameson had the papers. I am sure he will be getting in touch with me real soon about it. I don't want to file any annulment papers. Not just yet. I suppose I had better find a lawyer."
Marilyn, Jerry and Roger looked at each other.
"The best....!"
"Of course!..."
"None other than...."
"PATRICK O'MALLEY!" the three of them yelled in unison. "Patrick O'Malley?" Rose asked.
"You remember, he walked down the aisle with Marilyn. They don't call him the 'Terminator' for nothing! He's a barracuda, specializes in domestic law."
"I'll see what's in the will first. Maybe Wanda Sue fell off the face of the earth. For all I know she may not even be in this state and blissfully unaware that Billy Bob has gone to that great corral in the sky. But if I ever get my hands on that lying little extortioner.."
John smiled grimly. "Stand in line, babe, look how much she is into me for!"
"What do you plan to do with the ranch, Rosamond?"
"I don't know. As his wife I guess I would get it. Sell it? Keep it? Make it a working ranch to save for Julie when she gets older? I do have that greenhouse all cleaned out for the herbs and potions from Gran's book."
Hotspur's ears perked up. "Is that what you were doing there in that loft? Looking for that book? I thought you were reliving a passionate moment..waiting and hoping for me to return..."
John suddenly was interested. "What? Rose? What is he talking about?"
Rose got red in the face and said, "I'm sure I don't know...he's a little confused.."
Hotspur snorted, "Confused? Not on this one, Milady! I never forget a moment of passion, of sweet bliss..."
William interrupted, "Please pass the potatoes, John...."

By co-incidence Jameson called that evening. "Rosamond? I have arranged for the will to be read tomorrow morning. You need to be there. Can you arrange it in your schedule?"
"I have the morning free, Jameson. Just tell me the time and place."
"It's at the offices of Kingsley, Crowley and Benedict. Billy Bob has a laywer, Stan Bechnel, in New Orleans but they have an association with this firm. It's in Manhattan. Can you be there at 10:00 AM?"
"Not a problem. Jameson. I'll see you there."

Rosamond went into the living room. John was on the floor on the blanket with Julie.
Will was playing with his Star Wars toys, William was reading the paper and Celeste was crocheting. Rose couldn't help but smile. What a picture of domestic bliss!
She said, "Jameson called. The will is being read tomorrow at 10:00 AM. I am to be there."
"Want me to go with you, honey?"
"No, that certainly isn't a good idea. I'll take Patrick O'Malley only if there is a problem, I'll call him after the reading of the will."

The phone rang.
"Helo?"
"Hi, Celeste, it's Daniel. I need to speak to John, it's really important."
"Hold on. John? It's Daniel."
"Daniel? What's up?"
"I think you have a slight problem."
"What happened, Rafe blow up another toilet?"
"If only! That snoopy cop, the short one, let's see, what's the name? ...McGee. He just joined the gym. Looked like he wrapped himself in a flag! Anyways, he's been asking some pretty blunt questions about you and Rosamond. Like did you really kill Montgomery. Stuff like that."
John groaned. "I was afraid of that. What's he doing, harrassing my employees? I'm going to have to call Alan, have him put a muzzle on that puppy and put him in a down! stay! position. Thanks for the info, I owe you one."
"John?"
"Yes?"
"Watch your back. I think that puppy could be a slightly deranged pit bull."
"Thanks for the warning."
"John?"
"What now?"
"Say hi to Rosamond for me!"
Click!

Subj: Montgomery Will
Date: 7/7/03 5:45 PM
From: jameson007@aol.com
To: olsen007@aol.com

Arrangements have been made to read the last will and testament of William Robert Montgomery at 10:00 AM on July 8, 2003 at the offices of Kingsley, Crowley and Benedict.
Mrs. Montgomery has been informed of proceedings, also Mary Ellen and John Robert Montgomery, Robert Joseph Austin, et al.
Will keep informed on proceedings and whereabouts of person in question.
Olsen no doubt would like to be a fly on the wall when this is revealed. Will keep informed of legal proceedings. Mr. Montgomery had a helluva send- off at DDI, not a sober soul in the joint, alas, the widow declined to join in the festivities. The 'cripple' you are concerned about has kept a low profile, however, was at memorial service. No contact made whatsoever between two parties concerned. May have to patronize his establishment to monitor situation. Besides, I could use the exercise!
Very truly yours, Jameson Osgood.


FROZEN ASSETS...........by Terri

Rosamond came down to breakfast. John was sitting there with William reading the paper and finishing up their coffee.
Celeste was scrambling eggs. "Honey, can I get you something to eat?"
Rosamond folded her arms and laid her head on the table. "No, thank you, Celeste. I think this is going to be better on an empty stomach."
She raised her head. "Just a cup of coffee, if you please. I didn't sleep much last night. Julie kept waking me up. She may be getting her first tooth soon."
John stood up and refilled his coffee cup. "If I stayed with you, I could help you..."
William looked disapprovingly over his glasses.
Rose said, "I need a little space, John. Things have knocked me for a loop."
John got up to leave. "I have to go to the gym and see what's going on. I won't be able to do much but supervise. I still can work my wrist out, just can't bend my hand.
And I have to keep an eye on things to make sure that PitBull doesn't harrass my clientele." He kissed Rosamond on the top of the head. "See you tonight, Sweetheart."
Rose looked at his retreating back. "Lord, William, how I love him. Like I have loved no one in my life. It's like he is already my husband. How long do we have to wait until we can get married?"
"Tomorrow."
"Tomorrow? REALLY?"
"Sure, if you don't mind spending your lives together in a jail cell. Because if you hasten this before any progress in the murder case, the both of you will be indicted for murder and conspiracy to commit murder. That McGee is relentless...like Columbo! He's the kind of guy that motive would be enough for you to swing. And why do you think he has a personal vendetta against the two of you?"

Rose sighed. "He was under the assumption I was Billy Bob's wayward sister. He must have been interested in me, I never really noticed, I was too wrapped up in my own problems. He hated John the first time he saw him. I guess he asked me out, but I didn't hear him. Now he is acting like a spurned lover. He's getting a little out of control."
William was exasperated. "Rose, I don't know what you do to these men but it tweaks their minds! Henry2, Henry8 for a bit, John, Daniel, Billy Bob, Hotspur, McGee..did a gypsy put a curse on you as a baby? Maybe a wicked fairy godmother?"
"Yeah, yeah, William. Oooh! I have to run!"


Rosamond put on a tailored suit with heels and headed towards the law firm of Kingsley, Crowell and Bennett. When she entered in to the conference room, Mary Ellen and J.R. were already there, along with Jameson. Bobby Joe met Rose in the elevator and they rode up together. As they entered, everyone was cordial...everyone except Mary Ellen. She sat there glaring disapprovingly at Rosamond.
Ben Crowell, the attorney, pulled out of his file folders the papers that Jameson had given him. He cleared his throat.
"What we have here is the Last Will and Testament of William Robert Montgomery of Westchester County, New York. It has the usual 'being of sound mind' stuff.
Let's get to the bequests. This was executed and notarized on May 1, 2003."
Rosamond did some quick calculations. That was barely a month after Julie was born. I didn't know he changed a will. Lord, I didn't even know he HAD a will. Guess it would stand to reason, having so much property.

Crowell continued. "This is pretty cut and dried. He left his share of the Dew Drop Inn to you, Bobby Joe. This must be a private joke, here, though. It reads, 'if I ever come back from the dead, Bobby Joe, you have to give it back.' Also his Stetson hat."
Bobby Joe just smiled. He understood that was Billy Bob's way of making sure his interest was protected.
" 'Mary Ellen and J.R. Montgomery, my parents, being wealthy in their own right, understand if I leave nothing to them.' " Crowell peered over his glasses at them.
"That's odd."
J.R. coughed slightly. "Well, that is understandable."
" 'My wife, Rosamond, is to be left the sum of 500,000 the first year and 250,000 the second year. If she remarries, she forfeits the money and it will revert to the estate.
All my assets are listed below.
1. The Double B ranch and all its properties lying outside its fenced borders including the woods and meadowlands.
2. Ownership of Sundown Plantation of Louisiana, held in trust for me upon the demise of my great grandfather Pierre duPre.
3. All vehicles i.e. the 1961 Thunderbird, the Ford Bronco SUV, the Ford F250 pickup truck, and the 2002 Mercedes.
3. Contents of the safe in my office at the Double B ranch which includes family jewelry and saviings bonds.
4. Life Insurance policies totaling 5 million dollars.
5. Bank accounts at the Westchester Savings and Loan Bank
6. Total of horse stock--6 stallions, 20 mares and young colt to be kept for Julie Beth Montgomery. No horse is to be sold or traded with the exception of Lightning Bolt which will be given to the care of Jameson Osgood. Stallion Merovin is to be put to stud continuously under supervision of Tom Lucas. Under no circumstance is he to be traded or sold.

All the above assets are to be placed in a trustfund and the assets are to be frozen, unable to be sold or borrowed against. They are to be held until my only known issue, Julie Beth Montgomery, reaches the age of 21. Anyone claiming to be a child of mine except for Julie Beth Montgomery will be disowned and disinherited.
My cousin, Jameson M. Osgood, will act as guardian and administrator for this estate. The child is not to be removed from Westchester county for a period of more than one month without notification of Jameson Osgood.
To Wanda Sue Skaggs Montgomery, I leave the sum of one dollar. If she sees fit to sue the estate, she will forfeit the dollar. This will at least buy her a medium coke at McDonald's on me.
To my dog Jake, I leave money out of my estate for his perpetual care. He is not to be sold or impounded."

Ben Crowell looked up. "Dated May 1, 2003 and witnessed by Robert Joseph Austin and Jameson Matthew Osgood.
Jameson M. Osgood, executor of this will."
Any questions?

Rosamond sat there in shock. A total of 750,000 and I can't remarry? Well, screw that! He's not going to control me from the grave! Julie inherits the ranch? It can't be sold? She gets the plantation in Louisiana? Money? My little girl is an heiress and she hasn't even learned to sit up yet!

Ben Crowell asked, "Are there any questions?"
Rose shook her head wordlessly, still stunned. She had planned on selling everything. After all, Billy Bob was gone!
Mary Ellen and J. R. Montgomery got up to leave.
Mary Ellen turned to Rosamond and said, "You got 750,000 dollars more than you deserved. You tricked my son into marriage by your irresponsible behaviour, you fought with him constantly and made his life miserable. Don't think we didn't notice."
J.R. said, "That's enough, Mary Ellen." He took her firmly by the elbow and led her out. He turned to Rosamond. "Mary Ellen is upset, dear. Don't let anything she says bother you. We are going to Maine for a few days to get away. Feel free to come back to the ranch, Rosamond. We certainly didn't mean to drive you out." They left.

Rosamond nodded numbly. She got up to leave.
Then she turned to Jameson. "Jameson, what of his personal effects? His clothes?
What shall I do with them?"
Jameson was at a loss. If he told her to keep hold of them, it would really look suspicious. Well, at least the major stuff is preserved.
He said, "Uh, Rose, I guess--I guess you can dispose of them. Or keep them. I really don't know what to tell you."
Rosamond stood up. "Thank you, Jameson, I think I know what to do now."
Yard sale time!


Subject: Montgomery Will
Date: 7/8/03 1:00 PM EST
From: jameson007@aol.com
To: olsen007@aol.com


Last Will and Testament of William Robert Montgomery read by Ben Crowell in the presence of Jameson Osgood, Robert Joseph Austin, Mary Ellen and J.R. Montgomery and widow Rosamond Montgomery. Assets are now frozen. Widow was in a state of shock. The deceased's mother told the widow exactly what she thought of her. Will act in best interest of child. Will keep interested party informed of movements and whereabouts of 'live wire'. Activities at Double B ranch will be monitored closely. Carson/McGee on case, latter is relentless and tenacious. Will advise on Parker situation and Louisville KY situation will be set for next May. Sincerely, Jameson M. Osgood


HOTSPUR SELLS WESTCHESTER....................by Coralynn

Harry "Hotspur" Percy rummages around in the closet full of clothes he recently acquired on his trip to the Mall with Bill. A-ha! Here it is! That business suit Jerry recommended he wear while he's working as a real estate salesman.
With some difficulty he puts it on. Dang! This is restricting! And the tie, how on earth do you make that look right??
He hopes someone knows and goes into the kitchen to see who might be there. Nobody. He goes into the living room, then the dining room. Nobody. He goes from bedroom to bedroom knocking on doors. The only person home is Marthy who peeks out and asks what he wants.
"Do you know how to get this tie to look like this?" he shows her a picture torn from a magazine.
"We'll figure it out," she tells him as they proceed into the kitchen. She puts the picture on the counter, frowns at it, and puts the tie around his neck. Step one A-OK. The next part is harder, way harder. She flips the ends of the tie this way and that, trying to get a knot that looks like the picture. No good. She tries tying a regular knot, which works, but looks wrong.
"I don't know how they do that!" she says in frustration.
"It must be some 21st century thing!" he concludes, "I'll have to ask Jerry to show me how."
Marthy is relieved and goes back to her room.

At 8am Jerry's car pulls into the driveway. Hotspur, tie in hand, eagerly runs out and hops into the passenger seat.
"Ready to sell some real estate?" Jerry asks with a broad smile.
"I am ready!!" Hotspur confirms, "But you're going to have to show me how to knot this stupid tie. What are these, a 21st Century intrument of torture?"
"It'll get easier as time goes by, Harry. We can go to the office and I'll draw you a diagram of just how to tie it. For now, though, I'll simply do it for you, as we have an 8:45 appointment over on Westchester Drive. OH, before I forget!!" he reaches into his briefcase and brings up a check, "Even though you weren't an official salesman yet when you helped me sell that house to the Ballingers, I want to give you five thousand dollars for your incredible assistance."
He hands the check to Hotspur, whose eyes light up, then asks, "What can you buy with this much. A house? A car?"
"Definitely not a house, and it's not enough to buy a reliable used car, but put it in the bank and keep adding to it and soon you'll be able to buy a good car."
"Are cars hard to make go down the road?"
"Not if you get lessons. Tell ya what, Harry, I'll teach you how to drive and help you get your driver's license."
"That would be great!" Hotspur exclaims, "A car, then I'll save up for property!"
"That's the idea!" Jerry agrees as they pull into the parking area in back of his real estate office.

After successfully tying Hotspur's tie, they arrive at the house on Westchester Drive.
"You are the official salesman here," Jerry tells him, "I'm only with you because you don't have a car yet and to back you up if you have questions."
"That is so great!" Hotspur almost leaps from the vehicle in his eagerness to sell, sell, sell!!

Two couples soon arrive at the house, eyeing each other, wondering if this property is so hot that they have to view it in groups.
"Ahhh, Mr. & Mrs. Clark, and Mr. & Mrs. Dunning, so good you could come!" Hotspur extends handshakes all around. Jerry just stands back and marvels.
"Now, before we even go into the house, I want to point out the way the land has natural drainage.....you see how that slope in the back yard has to keep rainwater from pooling up close to the basement walls? Yes, a very good feature!"
When the group enters the house, Hotspur gives it a quick looking-over to find the best features. "This house has very sound structure. See the cathedral beamed celing? Sturdy! Also very classy. The carpet in the living room is brand new and a shade that will go with any decor. Now, to the kitchen! Look, ladies, see the amazing appliances? Top of the line!! And," he opens the cupboard doors, "Storage that goes on forever!"
Both women nod to their husbands as if to say "This is good, I want it!"
"Please follow me upstairs to view the four bedrooms. There are two full baths up and one down, so no matter the size of your family, you'll have no problem for lack of bathrooms." He opens the door to the bathroom off the master bedroom, "And you'll note the double sink, marble countertops. Plus the huge bathtub plus a separate shower stall. The builder was really hot when this one was put together!"
Both women are now tugging at their husbands' sleeves, trying to send "BUY!" messages to them.
"These bedroom all have walk-in closets as well," Hotspur ushers them all into one of the closets, "See? You could have a party in one of these, it's so large!"
By now the two women are sweating profusely, hoping they can get a bid in before the others.

"Any questions?"
Mr. Dunning says gruffly, "Wanna see the basement! I'm quite a weekend handyman and need a workshop, preferably in the basement. If it's damp, it's no good!"
They all proceed down the stairs to the first floor, then down to the basement.
The prior owner was obviously a weekend handyman as well, as all the counters and notches and nooks for tools are affixed.
Mr. Dunning examines the setup and goes into something akin to rapture. Mr. Clark seems almost as interested.
Jerry stands back and can't believe what he's seeing. This house has been on the market for four months. It's way overpriced at 750 thousand, and so far nobody has reacted adversely to the raunchy paneling on the dining room walls. All they've focused on are the strong points, which obviously Harry has been able to spot the minute he walked into the place. Truly astonishing!

"Let us now proceed back to Jerry Palmer's real estate office where you may bid on the property," Hotspur says very professionally.
Everyone gets back in their cars. As Jerry and Hotspur drive to the office, they can't help but notice how the Dunnings and the Clarks seem to be drag-racing down the road.
Hotspur turns to Jerry and asks, "Was that good? Did I do good?"
"That's too tame a word for it, Harry. You were hot!!"
"That's why they call me Hotspur!" Harry leans back in the seat and feels like king of the world.

The Clarks get the house by bidding five thousand over the asking price. The Dunnings leave the office looking upset. Hotspur follows them out into the parking lot and assures them, "We have other houses just as good. If you want to come back this afternoon, we can show them to you."
Mrs. Dunning has a woeful look on her face, "But I had my heart set on that house!"
Hotspur smiles and says, "Mrs. Dunning, wait till you see the place on Hillside Lane! I've been saving that one for buyers just like you. The Clarks probably would have snatched that one up had they seen it, but I was saving it for you. Shall we say 2 PM?"
Hope returns to the Dunnings' faces.
"2 O'Clock it is!" Mr. Dunning states as he smiles and shakes Hotspur's hand energetically.

The rest of the day is spent profitably. The Dunnings buy the house on Hillside Lane, much to Jerry's astonishment. That place has been nigh on to unsellable for six months because the former owners paved the entire back yard. Hotspur pointed out how great that area will be when the Dunnings have huge parties and there is no lack of parking space. They agreed. Jerry shook his head in wonderment.

As Jerry is driving Hotspur back to the big house, he tells him, "Today you earned at least 40 thousand dollars in commissions, my friend!"
"Is that enough to buy a car?"
"More than enough. I'm going to unload a few of my For Sale signs for you, too. Put them in your garage and we can use them when you list new property. Oh yes, you are now moving on to the part of the business in which YOU get to be the listing and selling salesman. That will double your commissions."
"Not sure just what all that means yet, Jerry, but I am happy to take the signs for you. Pretty soon these signs will be popping up all over town, yes?"
"YES!"

on to next part of STORY
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