Part 1: (written by Coralynn)
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"Back to the Future" meets "The Lion in Winter"
Isabella "She Wolf" of France sits at one end of the very long banquet table, and at the other end sits her husband, Edward 11, looking uncomfortable indeed.
Isabella has brought a red-hot poker with her to the dinner party, and every time it appears to be cooling off, goes to the fireplace and, thrusting it in, makes it red hot once again. She tells others that she has this implement with her so that she can heat up the hasty pudding, should it cool too much.
Edward, however, sitting in his large wooden chair, shifting about nervously, is not all that sure.
Eleanor of Aquitaine and even her rival, Rosamund, are eyeing Isabel in nervous anticipation. They would like to compare reactions to such an evil woman, but, being enemies themselves, just keep eating their chocolate cake. Isabella, on the other hand, leaves her slice alone, not trusting the other 2 women, and every few moments goes back to the fire to refresh her poker.
Edward wants to leave this house of horrors altogether, but cannot, as the doors have been barred by two hefty guards who stand glowering at him.
What will happen next is his greatest fear, but hark! there is a sound coming from the stairwell. Who could it be? Someone to rescue him? Someone to straighten out Eleanor and Rosamund who appear to be more hostile toward each other with every passing second?
PART 2: by Terri
Who could it be? Why it's little William Longspree, Rosamund's bastard child by Eleanor's husband, King Henry 11.
Little William has been watching from the stairway and wants to say goodnight to Mummy and Auntie Eleanor. Also, he wants a taste of her Death by Chocolate Cake. Kissing Mummy Rosamund good night and toddling off to bed, Eleanor watches Rosamund with a dropdead look. Eleanor sits there, stewing and stroking the edge of her knife. Rosamund, who has had too much mead, is oblivious to Eleanor's demeanor.
She grows weary and is wondering if Henry is waiting in his chambers for her. As she gets up to check, she does not notice that Eleanor is taking her leave, also. Such a long way in that dark hallway to his chamber.....
Part 3 by Coralynn
Both Rosamund and Eleanor want to check on Henry, as neither one of them trusts him totally and for good reason.
Rosamund takes her leave first, and, groping along the darkened passageway to Henry's chambers, senses an ominous presence. This spectre is silent, which only magnifies her mounting terror. As soon as she decides to make a bolt for it, she feels strong fingers closing over her wrist.
Attempting to wrench free, she emits a scream, which rouses the others back at the banquet table. They forget their enmity one to another as they scurry into the hall carrying torches which flicker as they move swiftly toward the source of the commotion.
The light slowly fills up the space and standing there is no one but the worst Monarch in Christendom: King John.
Little William begins to whimper, as he has heard that John even hangs children if they are taken hostage, a fate William greatly fears.
John finally announces, in a voice that bounds off the stone walls, "Whence go you, wench, know you not that I am the King?"
Rosamund shrinks back in fright.
"I'm most sorry, my liege, but I was under the impression that Henry was the King."
John's expression becomes wrathful and his face turns an unpleasant shade of red.
"And who are YOU to say, mistress?" he demands.
Oh dear, poor Rosamund; she is in fear of her life. What can she do?
Part 4: by Terri
As John is leering down the bodice of her new azure gown, Rosamund feels his hot breath on her neck. Johm whispers, "My lady, I can see why my father finds you so desirable. But alas, he is a man approaching the winter of his years. Surely a woman of your passion and beauty....."
Revulsion sweeps over Rosamund. By all that is holy, this is her paramour's son!! Perhaps it is the mead that is giving Rosamund her courage. She pushes him away -- he falls over the andiron and into the ashes of the fireplace.
"Was that yur mother's idea? To get me away from Henry by bedding me? I swear by the Beauclerc blood, you will never be half the man your father is!"
Turning on her heel, Rosamund flees down the corridor. Rounding the corner, she stops to catch her breath.
Eleanor emerges from the shadows.
"You failed, my son. Maybe she is right -- you are not half the man your father is, nay, not even a tenth! What Henry wanted, he took, be it castle, country or woman!"
A darkness comes over John's face-- "Forgive me, mother -- I shall prevail in the end."
Parts 5& 6: Enter Geoffrey (by Coralynn)
"What manner of talk is this?! booms a voice out in the main hall.
Everyone turns, startled, to see the Patriarch of the Plantagenets, Geoffrey le bon.
He is indeed fair and tall and handsome and strong, and, at sight of him, Rosamund and Eleanor and Isabella, for that matter, swoon. Isabella about falls out of her chair, whereas Eleanor and Rosamund lean against the stone walls behind them for support.
"What have you blackards done with my dynasty?" he demands.
Edward 11, Henry 11, John, and even his brother Richard the Lionheart who has now timidly joined them, reach for their sword hilts.
"I would not try such foolishness," Geoffrey almost laughs, "Know you not that I am the greatest warrior of them all?"
Richard starts to stammer, "yes....but....but"
at which Geoffrey reaches over and cracks him across the face. Richard tries to rub the blood from his nose and mouth, which only causes Geoffrey to laugh.
Isabella, finally recovering enough to speak, inquires, "Where is your fair wife, ma-lord, the Empress Matilda?"
Geoffrey laughs the louder.
"The wench was run out of London, run off her throne, and as far as I am concerned she can be run straight into hellfire!"
Everyone gasps as Geoffrey has assumed a more fierce demeanor, and all wish that he would return to his former jollity.
"I will wait for all the damsels to arrive at this dinenr party," he begins, "then mayhap I shall make my choice, and the wench will be glad of it!"
The three women begin to smooth their gowns and reaffix the pins holding their hair. Isabella, the bold hussey, even allows her hair to fall free, which is a known attempt at seductiveness.
This is not lost on Geoffrey, and he closely examines Isabella head to toe. Finally he asks in a mock tone of friendliness,
"And where is your lover, Roger deMortimer tonight, mistress?"
At that, Edward 11 bolts upright from his chair and, waving his sword about aimlessly, blurts out "My Queen has no lover!"
Looking totally pathetic in his denial, the whole company begins to titter, then chortle, then laughs uproariously.
"Hast thou not heard the term cuckold?" Geoffrey blurts out between spasms of laughter.
Part 6 by Terri
John leans over to Richard and whispers, "Nay, the dolt probably thinks cuckold is a clock with a 'cuckold bird' announcing the time!"
Geoffrey overhears, then turns on John.
"Well, that's something you will never have to worry about - Isabelle of Angouleme is about as exciting as three week old porridge - all starch and no taste, plus cold as a mackeral."
Richard snickers, "Oh, and shall I turn my attention on YOU?"
Geoffrey thunders. "There are rumors, my boy, that you very well may wear women's knickers under that suit of armor."
Richard shrinks before h im, wishing he were back in the Crusades.
At least the warring is outright fighting and not the warring of his tormented inner turmoil.
"A fine lot you are"! Geoffrey sneers, "But this is a feast to celebrate the coming of summer. Let us put off petty issues til the morrow!"
Eleanor glances over at Rosamund.
Henry has had lovers before but Eleanor always dismissed them as a passing fancy. Something about this one was different....more permanent, more threatening.
"The Fair Rosamund" they called her. Why, Henry had even cecome involved with his son Richard's fiance - that insipid French princess.
Of course, when Richard found out, he sent her packing.
No, Rosamund was a threat, a burr under Eleanor's saddle. Something must be done -- but quickly. The only question was how.......
Part 7: The Odd Couple arrives.............by Coralynn
There is a commotion in the outer courtyard. Some of the yet unarrived guests must be about to make their appearance. Who? Since no one is just sure who made up the guest list, they all look to the Great Door in anticipation.
A large hulk of a man steps into the room, accompanied by a slim wisp of a woman who appears to be in the most modest gown any of them had ever seen, almost totally covered as she is.
Henry 11 bursts out "NO! You are my great grandmother, Saint Margaret, what are you doing here at this time? You should be mouldering in your grave."
"Bless you, my darling, but this party is not time specific, and I thought I could calm the waters by telling you of the great glories of heaven and warn you about the tortures of hell, as you know, I am most holy."
"Good grief! Who invited her?" John blurts out. "I certainly didn't! Did you, father?"
"No possible way!" exclaims Henry 11, "How about you Eddy?"
Edward 11 is confused. "Who did you say she was?" Obviously he didn't ask her to attend.
"Get that pious witch OUT of here!" Isabella can barely contain her displeasure. "She is going to bring us all down and we shant have a merry party if we have to listen to her pontificate!"
"HALT!" comes a booming voice from the large man accompanying Margaret.
Then they all realize that Henry V111 is the personage with Margaret.
"WHat are you doing with her?!" asks Richard.
"We met up on the road, you dolt!" is the answer from Henry V111. "Do ye think I would spend time with such a pure, boring lady if I could avoid it?"
Everyone looks from person to person and assents that indeed, Henry V111 would be the last person to have anything to do with Margaret.
"Then why are you here, sire?" John asks with a combination of fear and as much bravado as he can muster.
"I am here to fetch me a wife!" shouts Henry V111, "I am here to find some wench who can produce me a son! And I will not leave without one!"
Geoffrey has been silent, taking this all in, but can remain so no longer.
"Hey, buster, I get first dibs on the ladies!" he announces with no fear at all as he is, as he has already claimed, the greatest warrior in the history of the world. Besides, Henry V111 looks not too healthy and Geoffrey is sure he can best him in a play of swords, should it come to that.
"Gentlemen!" Margaret interrupts in a louder voice than anyone knew she was able to produce. "We must not have such quarreling amongst ourselves. Are we not all related by blood?"
The group starts to huddle to figure out who is indeed related to whom and how and why, and are so taken with this discussion that they do not at first see Henry V111 grab Isabella and make for the door.
"Eleanor! Save me!" she screams, "You went on the Crusades, surely you can save me from this madman!"
Eleanor again runs her fingers over her dagger, smiling mirthlessly, as Isabella struggles vainly to free herself.
"No more!" comes the protest from Edward 11, "She hast one lover and I'll be damned if she'll take another! This humiliation is becoming oppressive! Will no one help me out here?"
"Ahhhh, she's too much like a twig to bear a son, anyway" Henry concludes, dumping Isabella unceremoniously on the floor rushes.
"But not all of you are so puny and worthless, hmmmm, mayhap YOU, mistress" he suggests, looking at bosomy Rosamund with lust in his eyes.
Oh dear, now what will happen? Will Rosamud be abducted, never again to see Henry? Eleanor is, by this time seeing her main chance at riding herself of her rival.
"Take the wench out of this Century altogether, take her, take her!" she begins to chant.
Title: Part 8: A Head on a Wench is Worth Two in the Basket.........by Terri
Rosamond freezes with fear.
Henry grasps her wrist in a vice grip.
Henry does not have a reputation as a "keeper" of a husband. Rosamond is filled with revulsion, trying to keep her sweetmeats from coming back up.
Eleanor has a feverish gleam in her eyes. So what if her plans with John's seduction fails? Perhaps a little romp with Fat Harry will do the trick. If he doesn't flatten her to death, at least a night with him would drive any woman crazy and then she could be locked in the Tower. Maybe even in the room Anne Boleyn spent her last days.
Rosamond jerks her wrist away.
"Nay, your reputation is not what you want to go down in history, you fat toad! It is legend that you compose songs like you make love--with little subtlety and a great deal of noise!"
Henry's face is mottled purple.
"Yea I do like a woman with fire. Come my little lamb, you will soon dance to my tune--whether you enjoy it or not is your choice. I take my pleasure where and when I find it."
Geoffrey unsheaths his sword menacingly. "You blackhearted knave! You married and buried five of them. Art thou a blackbeard?'
Henry whirls around. "You are quite mistaken,
Anjou. I took them legally one at a time. My poor Jane--she was the only one who truly loved me. She gave her life to give me a son. Yes, I have an heir but what is wrong with a spare? "
Henry II races forward, "Unhand the woman, you
randy goat."
Rosamond goes limp with relief.
Yet Henry gripps her all the tighter. "I have been denied nothing since birth. What I want, I take.
Now back off before I have your head in a basket.
And I won't import the executioner from France!
My chief stableboy can dispatch you with, oh, three or four slices."
Rosamond panicks. She valiantly tries to kick his gouty leg but misses. Is it time to play a trump card?"
She cries out in desperation. "Nay, you can't do this! I am with child!"
The room is silent except for the clatter of metal on a marble floor.
Is it Eleanor's knife or Isabella's poker?
Title: Part 9: More trouble..........by Coralynn
Aghast, Henry V111 unlooses his grip and sneers, "I will not raise another's bastard child!" he proclaims.
With that the assemblage hears a new, crisp, female voice interject, "Well done, well done, Henry, you should never have considered taking up with a strumpet such as she!"
In the melee no one notices any new arrivals, but there they are: three ladies, all in royal adornment. One has herself so covered that even her neckline comes up and almost covers her chin.
"OH NO!" the group exclaims akin to a Greek Chorus, "Not Victoria!"
"Yes, my dears, it is I!" she proclaims, "I am here to organize this mess you have. Husbands and wives not cleaving to each other alone. You are all a disgrace to the crown!"
"Hey, just a minute here, you old biddy," Edward 11 and Henry 11 say almost together, "Have you ever tried putting up with what WE must bear? We have wives we detest. Some say they would kill us if given half the chance."
"I just can't understand the lot of you," Victoria exclaims in exasperation, "I still miss my dear, sweet Albert, who was my life, my boon, my very soul."
"This is just getting sickening!" Henry V111 booms, "Go back to your own timeframe and leave us alone! And take those other 2 damsels with you."
The 'other 2 damsels' then stride forth boldy.
"I am the rightful Queen of England!" announces Elizabeth.
"I am the rightful Queen of Scotland and England!" insists Mary Stuart.
This exchange goes on for several more verbal volleys and the two women end up grappling with each other's hair, face, gowns, ending up rolling on the floor. Several hanks of hair are deposited theron and by the time they give up the melee from fatigue, their faces are scratched and bleeding.
Isabella She-Wolf is clapping her hands in glee, "You go, girls!" she exults.
By this time Rosamund, who has indeed escaped Henry V111's clutches, is rubbing her sore wrist and feeling ignored, a feeling she does not particularly relish. "Hey," she says, bringing everyone's attention back to her, "I'm with Child; does no one care?"
The twelve others take turns saying: "I don't care, do you, Edward?"
"No, do you care, Margaret?"
And so they go around the room comparing notes on how much none of them cares. This, of course, causes Rosamund much distress and she slumps down on the settle by the window.
"I came here to claim my crown!" Mary states. "Doth I have anyone on my side, anyone who can aid me and keep me from the clutches of that Protestant devil, Elizabeth?"
"Ohhhhh" Margaret says with concern, "My dear girl, I was made a Saint by your Church, surely I could aid and abet you, but if you're looking for violence, I must demur."
"HAHAHA!" Henry V111 booms out again, "Take thee to a nunnery, the two of you, and leave us to our revelry of which thou disapproves. I do not want either of you to bear me a son, so why don't you just pack up and leave? Do you want any of these ladies, Geoffrey?"
"Welllll, I think not," Geoffrey intones, "as Victoria is so demented over her Albert, and Elizabeth pretends to be a Virgin, what a huge joke THAT is, and Mary Stuart is a religious fanatic, and Margaret is almost as bad, that sure makes for slim pickings, eh? Who made up this ridiculous guest list anyway?!"
"IT IS I!" comes the most authoritative voice yet heard that night, which is really saying something considering how many of them have tried to act like the most important Monarchs in the history of England.
They see the new arrival, who is so lavishly bedecked and with such a glittering crown affixed to his head that it reflects the light even from the dwindling fireplace into the room, making it appear as mid-day.
PART 10: Catfight! by Terri Balchen
"Why, it's the old Bastard himself"
King John whispers to Richard the Lionhearted.
Richard mutters, "I thought he would have been hailing the summer solstice with the Prince of Darkness
himself!"
Victoria covers her ears, "I'll have you know ladies are present!"
Henry VIII sneers, "If you don't like it, why don't you take your sour face and sit down. And don't be jerking your chin at me--all four of them!"
William the Conqueror looks with dismay over his progeny.
"A fine lot you are! Here we took the trouble to overthrow the Saxons and for what?"
"For what, you say?" Eleanor smirks. "I'll tell you for what! Because SOME people weren't able to produce one decent heir, we are stuck with German rulers. That's right--I said German! It appears the Saxons have prevailed in the end after all."
William looks at Eleanor with astonishment.
"My uncle Robert of Normandy told me, 'A woman, a spaniel or a walnut tree, the more you beat them, the better they be.' "
Henry VIII leers, "Yes, but would you rather lie under a walnut tree or a buxom woman? Or have a spaniel lie at your feet or a wench?"
Eleanor surveys Henry with disdain,
"I guess you would know, wouldn't you? You've lain under so many you don't know what a mattress feels like and we all know the way you treat your dogs."
Just then, there is a sound of two cats spitting at each other. Mary and Elizabeth are at it again.
"Do you intend to do to me what you had done to Amy Robsart? We all know your hired goons pushed her down the stairs!"
Elizabeth warns softly,
"Be careful what you say, cuz. You just may lose your head over this. By the way, who lit the fuse that blew up the castle with Lord Darnley, your husband, in it? Was it you or that big dumb ox Bothwell?"
Eleanor glances over at Rosamond with contempt.
"Well, Henry, if it is subservient wenches you want, take Rosamond with you. In about seven months I'd say, she should be fit as a fiddle and ready for love---or whatever!"
Rosamond turns to Henry II."Henry, are you going to let Eleanor speak thus to me? I AM WITH CHILD!"
Henry looks at Rosamond and said sadly, "Yes, Rosie, but with whose child?"
Title: Part 11: The Contest.................by Coralynn
It had been such a bad day for Rosamund, and an even worse evening, what with being grabbed so hard by the wrist, first by Geoffrey, then by Henry V111, and all she has the energy to say is "Chances are it's yours, Henry."
"Chances are?! My God, woman, what are you saying?" he demands.
"It's yours, Henry, you know it is!" she insists.
"I know nothing of the sort, and this has ruined my evening, mayhap my life!"
"Oh stop being so overly dramatic, Henry" breaks in Eleanor, "You over-react to everything."
"Watch your mouth, Eleanor, or I'll send you back to your capitivity even though the holiday season is not yet over!" he warns.
Eleanor shruggs and walks away.
William has been listening to this verbal interchange and at that point clears his throat and announces: "I have a sure way for you to find out, Henry, if you be interested."
Henry perks up and, with disbelief in his eyes, asks "How can that be?"
"I have a way to take Rosamund into the future where they have a most wondrous procedure called DNA testing."
Everyone looks totally confused, asking each other if they had heard of such a thing. No one had.
"The future?!" Edward says in bewilderment. "How can this be accomplished?"
"You forget that I am possibly the most intelligent being on earth, Henry, and I have a way to move between Centuries. I can take Rosamund with me to a place with the highest buildings you can imagine. She can reside there, give birth, and we can then have the DNA test. All we need from you are some scrapings from inside your mouth."
"Scrape inside my mouth?! What kind of madness is this?" Edward objects.
"Dost thou want to know the true parentage of the child or NOT?" William is getting impatient.
"Of course I do!" Henry agrees.
"Alright, then, here's what we do.
I will accompany Rosamund to New York City in the 21st Century where such a procedure is commonplace. I will take one other person along with us. Once we get into the 21st century, we will then be off to New York."
No one understands much of what William had just told them.
There is a general buzz about "New York, what and where is that?" "21st Century?!" "How far into the future is that, anyway?"
Finally, the question they all want answered:
"How will you pick the third person to go on this adventure with you?"
"I left a rare coin within this castle many many years ago, and the person who can find it, and show it to me, will be our third adventurer."
There is much excitement; yes, also confusion, and bewilderment, but excitement is the dominant feeling.
"There are 14 of us here at the moment" William goes on to explain, "and, since I and Rosamund are to go to New York, that means that there are 12 of you in the contest. I would suggest you start hunting and doing it straight away."
Title: Page 12: Rosamond's Indiscretion....by Terri
Rosamond musters up her courage. "Henry, you know it's your child."
"Do I, woman? Lest ye forget, I was gone hunting in Sherwood Forest for a fortnight two months ago."
Rosamond retorts, "Lest YE forget, you couldn't drag yourself out of my bed before you left and when returning, you came straight to my chambers--not even stopping to wash!"
Henry sputters, "Well..well.."
Rosamond turns triumphantly to Eleanor. "If you doubt my veracity, go check Henry's purple cloak. It will still be splashed with blood from that roebuck he brought down."
Eleanor's face darkens with humiliation and then she decides it is worth the risk to triumph over this public embarrassment. After all, all the guests are gathering around with their mouths open.
"Well, Henry, my lord and stud, please ask sweet Rosamond what Richard your own son was doing
sneaking out of her bedchamber every dawn of every day you were gone?"
Rosamond turns chalk white and backs into the cold stone wall for support.
Richard is trying to skulk out the hall door.
Henry thunders, "My God, Richard, do I have to lock up all my things? Did I tell you never to touch my stuff? First you borrowed my lance, which you lost in the bulrushes, then you borrowed my armor, which you dented I might add. And last month you borrowed my steed and returned him low on oats and not properly groomed!"
Richard draws himself up to his full height. "Really, Father! Should we just forget about Isabell, my French intended? You wasted no time in taking her from me. I would say now we are even"
Henry draws the dagger out of his scabbard and draws it gently across Richard's cheek.
In a dead whisper was heard, "Paybacks are deadly, my son. Mayhap this is considered treason to steal from the king's larder, be it strawberries or strumpets?"
William the Conqueror bellows out, "This has gone far enough!"
Title: PART 13: The Contest Begins, sort of............by Coralynn
"Will you people stifle your mouths and take some constructive action instead of wasting time and energy pointing fingers and blaming each other! You are as bad as the lowliest serfs in the kingdom!"
"But everyone is besmirching my good name....." Rosamund whines, but does not finish, as William again bellows, "Enough!"
As soon as everyone has quieted down sufficiently, William then proceeds calmly.
"We will now begin the search for the coin, and if I hear one person saying anything wretched about another person, then he or she shall be yanked from the contest straightaway, do we understand each other?"
All petulantly murmur their agreement, still glancing poisonously at each other.
"Now, go, and do not return without the coin, which I alone will recognize!"
Henry V111 moves as fast as he can, which is not very rapidly, as his gout is flaring up and his excess weight makes him breath heavily with just a modicum of exertion.
Up a flight of stairs that wind around a turret he clumps.
Others, more fit and trim, try to pass him on the way, but are shoved forcefully back down the stairs, as Henry at least has arms that are operative.
"Out of the way, you old behemoth!" yells John.
"I heard that!" William announces, "And you, John, are out of the contest. You must sit here on one of these benches and think about your misdeed. When I say No Slandering Each Other, I mean it!"
John throws Henry V111 an evil look, but realizes he's been bested.
He slowly makes his way to a bench and sits theron, giving forth a heavy sigh.
Since Henry V111 still occupies the entire stairwell of the turret, the others have to depart for other parts of the castle.
Isabella makes good use of the poker she has brought, smacking it against the walls to ascertain any hollow area that might sound differently when struck.
This sets up such a clamoring that the others remove themselves as far from her as they can manage, but none of them say one word that William might hear, thereby eliminating them from the contest.
Eleanor begins by taking apart the bedding in husband Henry's chambers, then moves to the areas where possessions are stored. Nothing unusual is forthcoming so she moves into the great hall and begins poking around the fireplace.
Margaret daintily proceeds to inspect the window-wells and the artwork on the walls. Not wanting to appear aggressive, heaven forbid, she finds nothing and sinks down on a settle in dejection.
She is obviously not going to be a contender.
Suddenly Mary Stuart announces "I have found the coin! Hark, I have found it!" and holds out something that looks like a coin, as she walks triumphantly toward William the Conqueror.
He looks at her coin and frowns, "What mischief is this, you fool from the Scottish highland hell, you brought this coin with you. It is NOT my coin! You have used up your one chance, also. Get thee seated along with John. No wonder your cousin Elizabeth hates you; you are a cheat!"
Had Mary been accompanied by any of her Champions, someone might have come forth to challenge William, but alas, she was not supported by anyone else in the company.
Elizabeth smirks, but says nothing.
Part 14 The Frantic Search..........by Coralynn
Isabella is busily lifting every rug in the castle, so sure is she that the coin must lie beneath one of them. The dust rolls up and sends her into an uncontrollable fit of sneezing.
"Stifle yourself!" yells Richard, "You make such a great noise, I can barely think!"
"Sit down, you devil" commands William, "I warned you all, and you have broken my command!"
"Hey," Richard objects, "her sneezing was distracting me, what do you expect me to say? Godblessyou?!"
"You will sit. You are out of the contest" commands William. That does it; Richard sits.
This is most pleasing to the remaining searchers, Eleanor, Henry 11, Isabella, Geoffrey, Henry V111, Victoria and Elizabeth 1st, that they all look at each other and give conspiratorial smiles.
They also begin wondering what they can do to knock even more people out of the running. What can any of them do to annoy one or more of the others to the point where they would say something damning?
Henry finally, after much exertion, yanks himself out of the stairwell and with such force that he falls backward down the last half-dozen steps and lands flat on his derriere.
Isabella begins to laugh in her usual wicked manner, and cannot stop. Her laughter peals out across the castle and soon William is at her side.
"You, wench, you are OUT!" he bellows.
Assuming a demure countenance, Isabella looks up at Henry, blinking her great lashes, and says "But my liege, I did not say anything derogatory to him, I but laughed, and who would not?"
"The rest of them would not, that is who would not, now go sit down!" he insists.
Isabella is crestfallen and slowly walks to where the other failures sit. "Oh la" she moans, "This is all most unfair." The others nod their assent.
"Mayhap we should mount an insurrection!" John suggests.
"I think not" Mary Stuart counters, "William is not one to be trifled with."
"Welll, I'd like to more than trifle with that misbegotten hell-spawn" Isabella retorts. "If we all got together on this we could flatten him, he being but one person."
"But a very large person, my dear" says Margaret, "And he is the one with the way out of here to where was it he said.....?"
"New York City" answers John, "I've heard of York, and I've heard of City, but this place is supposed to be all but at the back of beyond."
"Aye" they all say in a chorus. "And only one of us shall ever get to see it."
Part 15: Sibling Rivalry.....................by Terri
By now Henry is shifting his attention to the larder.
Hunger overcomes him. Perhaps it is hidden along with the sweetmeats and turkey legs! No sense letting any stone go unturned.
Eleanor sits down next to John to catch her breath. "So how goes it with the fair Rosamond?" she says sarcastically.
"Mother, pleeeeze--have I not enough distractions with that rabble that call themselves barons? Seems they are getting some paper together they call the M.C. Whatever that stands for, I have no idea. As long as it doesn't concern me, I don't give a tinker's damn."
Eleanor retorts, "Well, maybe you had better! I never thought I would see the day when Richard would best you in bed! I thought his strength and prowess lay on the jousting field!"
"Opportunity and timing is everything, Mother. Lest you forget, I was the one who was with Father on the hunt. Had I known Rosamond was ripe for the plucking, I may have stayed behind and pleasured myself with the delights of fair Rosamond instead of the thrill of the hunt!"
"Well, it seems like I will not be calling on your 'field of expertise' regarding that trollop. It seems to make no difference to Henry who she was with. I wish I knew what she used to bewitch him."
"Maybe her demeanor is sweet as opposed to acid." John retorts.
"And maybe Rosamond can't think for herself. Obviously the Plantagenet men have a weakness for the body as opposed to the brain."
With that, Eleanor flounces out of the room.
Richard ambles over to where John is sitting.
"So how goes it, brother?" John spitefully asks Richard.
"Look, John, I know Mother put you up to trying to seduce Rosamond. But, hey, you were away, and there was this feast...Louis VII's son was passing through on his way to Scotland and, well, seeing he was kind of related, seeing dear old Mum was married to his father, we hit a couple of taverns.
I guess I was quite smashed when I got back to the castle. Rosamond was standing in the hallway in that red dress, you know the one..."
"Oh, spare me the details, Richard. I am just surprised, knowing your 'preference' shall we say?"
"Oh, that! Well, it doesn't hurt to sample foreign food, does it? How else will you know if you don't like escargot if you never had a taste?"
Richard muses.
John laughs, "So how do you find the 'french cuisine' ?"
Richard chuckles, "I can take it or leave it! It is good for a snack."
Geoffrey strides into the room,
"What are you two dolts doing here?"
Richard sits up straight, "Well, Grandfather, we managed to get ourselves kicked out of the contest."
Geoffrey roars with laughter. "I knew sibling rivalry would be the downfall of the two of you."
Meanwhile, Elizabeth enters the larder."So I caught you with your fingers in the pie, dear old Dad,."
Henry muffles an answer, his mouth is full of mutton.
"mff, nd, fnneu,, skmbb,,"
"Oh, can it, you nit! No wonder you have gout."
Henry swallows a mouthful.
Looking at Elizabeth mournfully, he says, "I guess you neve can forgive me for your mother."
"No, I guess I can't. If you make it to New York, I hope you stay there.
I think the city would eat you alive, unless you eat your way through IT first.
And from the 'size' of it, I'm betting on you." Elizabeth yells.
"Just like your mother--never knew when to shut up.
Do you know what her last words to me were? 'Look for the rest of your days at every man who ever knew me and wonder if I did't find him a better man than you.' "
Part 16: Huge bang at the door............by Coralynn
Elizabeth and Henry V111 give each other poisonous looks and move away in mutual disgust. "What a lout!" she whispers under her breath; surely William cannot hear that.
She is wrong.
"Out of the contest!" bellows William.
Elizabeth's eyes become round with surprise. How did that miserable olde man hear that? She joins the others and sits down with a thump. "Blast!!" she blurts out.
Nothing bad happens.
"You do realize, do you not" she addresses the others who have been eliminated from the contest, "That, since we are already disqualified, we may say whatever takes our fancy, what do we have to lose?"
The others nod in agreement and some begin to grin at the idea of raising a ruckus.
Isabella, having a vicious bent anyway, chimes in with, "Let us bang our utensils against our metal bowls and see how much disturbance that may create."
Everyone else picks up their utentsils, mostly knives. Forks haven't been invented yet.
They begin to clang against the metal bowls. Each bowl seems tuned to a slightly different pitch, so that the din is most unpleasant and becomes louder as they realize what fun this all is.
William glares at the group. "Cease your unholy noise!" he thunders.
They keep banging.
Victoria approaches the group and says in her imperious tone: "I cannot concentrate with that din in my ears, so if it wouldn't be too difficult, I would greatly appreciate a cessation of the noise."
The group glances one to the other and each give a shrug as if to say "oh well, I'm getting tired of this anyway and my ears are beginning to ring."
They put down their implements.
Victoria then marches away to begin going through the drawer that holds kitchen utensils.
Nothing.
She looks beneath the various pieces of furniture, which is difficult to do with her huge skirt standing out from her body about 4 feet in any given direction. She does look a comical sight. The group of losers begin to snicker.
Geoffrey is by now disassembling various pieces of the furniture.
"Halt!" comes William's booming voice, "who gave you persmission to take apart the furniture?"
Geoffrey is about to reply when there comes at the castle door an enormous thunder of banging.
Many hands have to be hitting the door for the sound to be that overpowering.
Everyone stops and freezes in place. What could it BE; who could it be?
Part 17 Picnic at Runnymede.................by Terri
"What in blazes is that infernal racket?" William wants to know.
Geoffrey pauses from putting stuffing back in the chair. "It can't be for me--anyone who would pound like that on the door I have already dispatched!"
"Why don't you answer it, John?" Eleanor suggests.
John gets up wearily. He is already stung by his mother's rebuke and his brother's victory in Rosamond's bed.
As he cautiously opens the door, John sees three faces he wishes he didn't.
In burst Lord Robert Fitzwalter, Eustace de Vesci and Saire de Quincey. Fitzwalter is spattered with mud, de Vesci and de Quincey smell of leather and horse sweat.
Fitzwalter nods to the ladies, then says, "Plantagenet.."
John, Richard and Edward reply "Yes.." in unison.
Fitzwalter rolls his eyes. "Not you two tosspots.
John."
De Vesci says, "We want to invite you to a picnic,
over at the meadows of Runnymede at noon tomorrow."
De Quincey chuckles unpleasantly, "Don't bring your wife or any fried pheasant."
John tries to put on a brave front. "Do you intend to fry ME?"
De Vesci laughs, "No, but maybe a roast."
Fitzwalter gives de Vesci and de Quincey a look that will shut them up.
"Look, John, I advise you to be there. Don't make us come and get you."
With that they leave the room.
William lets out his breath. "Those three remind me of the Gambini family in New York."
John looks up hopefully. "Do THEY have a castle in New York?"
William shakes his head, this crew will never survive.
Part 18--Ooops! .....by Terri
Edward leans over to Richard, "I think John had better do what they say or he may be how shall I say? 'sleeping with the fishes.' ".
Richard whispers, "Damn right--he couldn't even train his falcon. His groom did it so Dad wouldn't think John was a wimp."
Richard had not noticed but Rosamond had pulled a footstool up and was tugging on his doublet.
"Rosamond, are you insane? Haven't we had enough turmoil here? The heat is off us and you want to turn the burner up!"
"Oh, Richard, no one is going to pay attention to us!"
"No one except my parents."
Henry strides slowly and deliberately to where they are sitting. "Well, Richard, looks like you will have to raid another larder for your desserts."
"Father, really...'
"Spare me, Richard..." Henry warns.
Geoffrey ambles over to where the three of them are sitting.
"Henry, give the lad some credit for good taste! Rosamond is a delightful flower! Can you blame the boy for following in his father's footsteps? Especially since those footsteps lead to the fourth floor, second room on the right?
Henry and Richard's mouth drop open. How did Geoffrey know this?
Rosamond turned red and then white.
"Well, my dear, " Eleanor cattily remarks. "Are you a crimson rose or shall we call you snow white?"
Part 19: Sleep....................by Coralynn
"If I hear much more talk of Rosamund's behavior with the stronger sex, I shall wretch!" William says loud enough so that everyone stops doing whatever they are doing.
"I am weary of it, too, m'lord" says Rosamund in a pleading voice.
"I'm just tired to the bone anyway, speaking of weary" puts in Victoria. "Albert and I always retired shortly after the sun dropped below the horizon."
"Must we accomodate these old biddies?" Isabella complains, "I have just begun to enjoy myself."
"Doing what, mistress?" William demands, "You are not in this contest anymore and sitting on that bench does not constitute physical exertion. I don't want to hear how YOU feel."
"Mayhap we will all be fresher for having a night of sleep, sire" says Eleanor.
"That could well prove truth" agrees William, "I shall be leaving with my two companions on the morrow shortly after the sun is at the apex, so mayhap I can choose the 3rd person after some rest, which IS my decision, so make yourselves comfortable somewhere, and if there isn't a comfortable place to recline, that is indeed your problem."
With that William marches out of the main room into an anteroom, shoves the heavy wooden door shut, and the place falls silent.
There occurs a mad scramble for decent lodgings, with scuffling between Henry V111 and Geoffrey, between Elizabeth and Mary Stuart which becomes heated and loud enough for William to open his door a crack and bellow:
"I want silence!! I want it NOW!"
The tussling and scuffling becomes more muted, but still continues.
St. Margaret lies back upon a pallet on the floor rushes with a great sigh.
The others look upon her and send eye signals one to another as if to say "What a martyr this one is! What a bore!"
Shortly thereafter everyone is resting either in the great room or in one of the bedchambers. No one goes into Rosamund's chamber, as doing so would only start up more dissention, though Geoffrey is still sore tempted.
Henry V111 is disappointed that he has yet to find a damsel to bear him a son. Rosamund is already with child, so she isn't a choice anymore and the other females present are too unattractive or too old or too feisty or just too unstable, the list goes on in his mind.
"Drat!" he whispers, "this is not what I had in mind!"
As can be imagined, no one gets the best night of sleep.
Between the fact that the beds are few and uncomfortable and a pallet on the rushes is not what royalty is used to sleeping upon, and trying to sleep yet keep one eye cocked for any vicious acts being perpetrated upon one, it is a restless and unsatisfactory sleep.
Yet, it is either that or stay up the night altogether.
Tomorrow would be another day!!!
Part 20: Disaster at Runnymede...............by Terri
As dawn approaches, John has spent a fitful night.
He knocks on Richard's door.
"Richard, are you alone and awake?"
"Oh, John, give me a break...alone but not awake!"
"Well, I just want to let you know I have to clean up the mess you left me with!"
Richard sleepily replies, "What, did I spill wine on the tablecloth? You should have seen the gravy stains where that fat lout Henry was sitting..."
"Not that, you dolt! I'm talking about the 10,000 crowns you sold the three northern counties of England for and then took off for the Crusades!"
John was getting bitter by this time. "Always the hero...always having to go somewhere, do something!"
Richard yells back, "Let's talk about this over the noon day meal, OK? I need my rest."
"TOO LATE BY THEN!" John storms off.
John puts on his cloak. A chill is in the air,despite being a week away from Midsummer's Eve.
As he approaches the royal stable, he orders his groom, "Saddle up my stallion Lucifer. I need the swiftest--who knows how fast I may have to depart!"
As he gallops away, he prays his loyal knights will be there. Surely that unholy threesome of Fitzwalter, De Vesci and De Quincey will get their commuppance.
As John nears the meadow, he beholds a sight he is not ready for.
King John, when he saw that he was deserted by almost all, so that out of his regal superabundance of follwers, he scarcely retained seven knights, was much alarmed lest the barons would attack his castles and reduce them without difficulty. Well, let's see what they want.
John steps forward, putting on a brave front.
"Pembroke, I'd like to see you privately if that is OK
with the rest of the barons."
Part 21: John Signs..................by Terri
William Marshall, earl of Pembroke, is a man above reproach.
"What is it, John?"
"Pembroke, what shall I do?" John wailes.
"This is a raucous bunch...they are weary and displeased. I would certainly do what I could to appease them, if I were you." Marshall advises.
"Yeah, well, you ARE NOT me." John is about ready to throw one of his famous temper tantrums.
Nanny Grey always said it would be his downfall.
"All right, " John replies darkly. "Tell them this--
that for the sake of peace and the exaltation and honor of the kingdom, I will willingly grant them the laws and liberties they require. I don't have time for this horse dung! But don't tell them the last part!
I just want to get away from them."
Pembroke goes back to Lord Fitzwalter to discuss the terms. Seeing that John is outnumbered with over 2000 barons against him, Ftizwalter is in a position to be generous.
John, seeing he is inferior in strength to the barons, then grants them the underwritten laws and liberties and confirms them by his charter.
John grabs the quill and yells, "Oh, give me the damn thing..I care not anymore."
As he signs his name and thrusts the papers to Fitzwalter, he mounts Lucifer.
"I care not what happens to England after I am gone."
"Maybe you should, Your Majesty, this may affect peope for times to come." Marshall said softly.
As Fitzwalter raises the paper high above his head,
a mighty cheer rings out from over 2000 barons.
John, galloping away, shouts, "May you all spend eternity with the Dark One and rot in hell!!"
Two thousand men break into screams of laughter.
Richard de Clare yells back, "Mayhap we will, your Majesty...we have all been excommunicated!
And we will probably see you there!"
Part 22: The Glowing Coin.................by Coralynn
John lets himself into the castle as quietly as possible, but is still noticed and regaled with questions.
"How was the picnic?" taunts Richard, "Did the Barons treat you to a feast or were YOU the feast?"
John does not answer but sits upon the settle and with a glowering expression discourages any more conversation.
If anyone were planning to interrogate him further, it would have been for naught, as William then announces to the newly risen assemblage:
"Our breakfast is to be served in a trice; I would suggest you put yourselves at the banquet table."
Rosamund has just emerged from her chamber, and, rubbing her eyes, slowly moves to the table, her night dress trailing behind her provocatively.
Isabella, poker in hand, walks crisply across the rushes and claims her place at the head of the table.
Elizabeth takes exception to that and tries to nudge her out of the chair, but to no avail. "I always sit at the head of the table!" she insists.
Mary Stuart laughs in a most unpleasant way and, taking the chair next to Isabella, whispers in a conspiratorial tone, "Smack her with the poker if needs be, Isabella, and make sure it draws blood."
William again takes charge.
"This is when the winner of the contest is announced," he proclaims.
"How can that be?!" they all mutter amongst themselves.
William does not answer that question, but lowers himself on to a bench and proceeds to eat a few bites.
He glances at Henry V111 who has heaped an enormous amount of food on his plate. William shakes his head in disgust as Henry V111 sends forth a great belching sound.
"I cannot eat with that disgusting glutton!" Victoria complains, "Albert was always the gentleman and never sent forth such rude sounds, nay, even as he lay dying."
Mary Stuart turns to Isabella and asks, "Mayhap the poker would do better service in Victoria's direction, what say ye...."?
Eleanor has eaten very little, but gets up to take her dish away into the cooking room. Just as she raises up the plate she spots something very gold and round and glowing.
"THE COIN!" she almost shrieks, "I have the coin, and what a marvelous thing it is! See how it glows!"
Everyone is transfixed, The coin is indeed glowing with an unearthly light.
Eleanor then asks William, "But sire, was the coin right out in plain view all the time?"
"No" William answers, "But you hopeless creatures would have kept me here till harvestime while you searched aimlessly for it, so I planted it under a dish so that we could be done with people dismantling furniture, whacking the walls, ripping apart the bedding and any number of atrocities you have all perpetrated. Enough was enough for a surety."
The losers look morose.
Geoffrey complains, "I would have been so valliant to take, m'lord, I could have protected you, and also you, Rosamund."
"I can well imagine what your idea of "protection" might entail" William counters, "Besides, we need a damsel to be with Rosamund when her babe is nigh."
Everyone nodds their assent to that fact.
"Then we shall away!!" William tells Rosamund and Eleanor.
"Just like that?" Eleanor is surprised.
"Right now?" Rosamund is beginning to tremble.
"A-ha! Did you not realize that the Coin was our way out of this Century and into the 21st?" William asks, though of course he knew they could in no way have known.
"This coin will take us to London, then on to New York. We must join hands now, and you must close your eyes."
The others in the room are fascinated. What on earth is this?!
As William and Rosamund and Eleanor make a circle of their hands, they begin to glow, then the air about them begins to spin, faster and faster.
Margaret swoons, "It is the very devil himself doing this unnatural thing!" she says, panic in every syllable.
But when the group turn their eyes from Margaret, back to the group of 3 Time Adventurers, they are gone!!!
Part 23: Oh, The Joys of Polyester!........by Terri
Rosamond and Eleanor gaze around them. They release hands.
"Why, we are in London," Eleanor exclaims.
William rolls his eyes. "Did you think I would take you to the 21st century dressed like that? They would put you away.No, we are at a dressmakers.
You will have to have clothes to blend in. I have with me a copy of Vogue magazine. You will study these ads and pick a suitable set of clothes."
Rosamond looks at the cover--"Milord, why is this woman's head shorn? And, by the gods, her legs are showing!"
Eleanor leans over Rosamond's shoulder. "The date on the cover says July 1977, William."
William tut-tuts, "Have you no brains between you?
How could fashions in women's garments change in the thirty years from 1977-2001?"
The little tailor and his wife scuttle forth.
William brings out bolts of material for the clothes.
Mr. Gifford, the tailor, fingers the cloth. "I have never seen fabric as such, have you, Emily? And in such vibrant colors."
Emily's eyes are as saucers. "Nay, it is not a native thread."
William looks at them superiorly, "It is called polyester. Will not wrinkle and travels well."
As Rosamond and Eleanor pore over the magazine,
William has them pick out clothes.
By noon the next day, after staying at an inn outside of London, their garments are ready.
Eleanor is standing there in a halter with blue and white stars and red and white striped bellbottoms.
"My goodness, these breeches are so freeing. Now I know why men choose these--mayhaps the Scotsmen would do better in these!"
Rosamond is admiring herself in the window. She is in a chartreuse miniskirt with a daisy printed peasant blouse.
William looks on with great satisfaction. "You damsels look absolutely smashing. Here--I bought some rose colored wire rimmed glasses to help you blend in. Eleanor, these are called sandals--Rosamond, here are what they call go-go boots!"
Eleanor and Rosamond gleefully put on their new footwear.
William narrows his eyes to Rosamond, "You know, for a wench with child you are exceptionally thin. Should not your belly be getting full and round?"
Rosamond turns white and mumbles, "You forget, Sire, that I have suffered from morning sickness and have kept the weight off."
"Yes, " Eleanor says suspiciously, "one would think your 'oven' was bereft of buns! Oh, but would you look at this!"
William casts all thoughts of suspicion away. The main thing is to get Rosamond to the clinic for DNA testing and then return this lot to the 12th century, where they belong!