Chapter VIII: The deluge

Antediluvian
Copyright © Jeffrey K. Bedrick 1990.
Used with permission.

The following day found my mirror focused on Beauty's room, the girl eating her breakfast. As usual, Maguy was beside her, looking at her eating.
"Why do you think he asked me to read this book for, Maguy?" said suddenly the girl swallowing a mouthful of a small bread.
Maguy didn't have the time to answer: Stoat, who entered the room at this moment, answered in her place:
"Because the master read the Sanskrit in an awful way, child. And as his dictionary was missing..."
Beauty's face seemed worried about this subject, as she feared I accused her to have stolen it.
"By the way, it's easier like this," added Stoat with her even tone. "The master has some problems to read and turn the pages."
I had a displeased growl: Stoat had no need to reveal to Beauty all my 'infirmities'. But, rather than be repugnant to her - what I would have understood well - it seemed to move her. Strangely I would have preferred the contrary: I refused to see people pity me and my fate. I chose it for a part: I could have changed everything by asking Katherine to come back after her recovery, but I had refused it. If I had allowed myself such a thing, I would have never known Beauty. This idea was almost unbearable.
"I love her," I said aloud. "If someone can free me from this curse, it's her, for I would never love someone as I do love her."
"I'm happy to see that you realise it at least," said a voice that was painfully familiar, in my back.
It was Raynal's voice. I was unable to only look behind me, to be sure it was really him and not any mirage, but, in the other hand, I was so happy to hear again his voice that I preferred to keep the illusion alive.
"So you want to see me play the fairy's game?" I continued, my gaze still fixed on Beauty with Maguy and Stoat.
"No, old pal. I simply want you to know at least what is love. After hundred years without knowing it, it's time for you to know it."
"If the aim is that a flame devours me wholly night and day, I would have preferred to remain ignorant."
"That's no more love, in this case, that's passion! And if you can't have Beauty?"
To have Beauty? What did that mean, 'to have Beauty'? I just wanted her to stay with me, here, in the castle, even if I never recovered my original shape. I didn't know which hour showed the fate clock and I didn't care. Even if my time was over, what could that mean to me? There was Beauty and it was worth all the pains in the world.
"If Beauty must go, then I will let me die," I answered slowly.
"Let's hope the fairy didn't hear you," remarked Raynal in a light tone. "Because, otherwise, she would do everything in her power for Beauty to leave this castle."
"No, she wouldn't. Her revenge would be stolen to her too soon. For her to be happy, Beauty had to leave this castle while I would stay here, alive, suffering thousand deaths. Then she would really walk in air. By the way, Raynal, how did you manage to come back on the living world?"
"Gods may sometimes be merciful and show some pity."
"Which god pitied me? Don't tell me that Shuqra..."
"No, the word 'pity' doesn't belong to Shuqra's vocabulary," said Raynal with disdain.
"Don't insult my goddess!"
"I don't understand, old pal, how you're still able to keep your faith in her after all that happened. She let you be bewitched and brought you no consolation!"
"Raynal, it's my faith in Shuqra that sustained me for all these long years. And yes, she brought me a consolation: she made of Beauty a language specialist. Beauty is able to read the Sanskrit almost in the original!"
"And it's enough for you!"
"Yes... Better to die than to renounce to my faith in Shuqra!"
"You speak a lot of death today, old pal."
"Raynal, if Shuqra didn't send you, who did thus?"
"I can't reveal it to you."
"So it's because it's for deceiving me. What's the message that you must give me, ghost looking too much to the one I miss so much?"
"Nothing, old pal. If not that, perhaps, without wanting it, I revived a old wound badly healed..."
I felt at this very moment that Raynal's presence had faded away, so I could say shamelessly:
"It never healed, Raynal..."

Not long after, I went to meet Beauty in the library. She understood almost immediately what I expected from her when she saw me with a book in the hand. She opened it and remained fascinated by the hieratic characters that spread out under her eyes.
"Where did you find it?" she exclaimed with the voice of a child frantic with joy in front of a new toy. "I spent a excessive time in the library looking for a book written in hieratic!"
"It was in my room. And I'm afraid it's the only one written in that tongue."
Impatient, Beauty began to read even before I had the time to sit down.
Something seemed different to me about Beauty. Her voice sounded almost unreal, as if I heard it in my head and not by my ears. It was very uncomfortable and, in the same time, I enjoyed it because this voice was full of new emotions that I never heard till then in her words, as if she had restrained herself all the time.
Then suddenly she stopped reading and gazed earnestly at me.
"You know what's the dream that haunts me regularly, don't you?" she said abruptly.
A bit stunned, I nodded.
"You think that the fairy sent it? As her nightmares were caught, she tried something else."
"Why did you changed the end of her dream, Beauty?"
I heard a vague echo in my head which said:
"How explain to him? How can I say it to him?"
"It's... I... I have the impression that I have something to do here, that my presence is useful...favourable?"
She looked at me with a look almost supplying, as to say to me not to laugh at her. She seemed abashed of her temerity and of what seemed to her as arrogance.
"Nevertheless, someday, you will have to leave here, Beauty, to go with Jod and those you know..."
"You will send me home now, my lord? Because I was angry when you said that you were the one who created the decree on the women's town?"
"Oh no, Beauty! You were right to be angry... I should be the one to thank you for staying in the castle when you knew the truth."
"And when I go to the village, what will I say to them, my lord, on the reason of my stay here, and to explain its length?"
"But the truth, Beauty! First, I made you arrest, then I discovered that you were a green witch who could save my roses from death, then that you became my reader in rare tongues."
"But I didn't know how to read before coming here!"
"The gods' ways are impenetrable, child. Don't you wish to see again Jod and your kin?"
Once again, I had this impression to hear her voice which whispered:
"No... Not really. How could I ever explain to him that there's something here holding me back stronger than my love and my gratitude to Jod?"
It was as if I followed her thought process before hearing the result:
"Yes, a bit...," answered Beauty with little conviction. "But I like the people here... Maguy, Stoat, Geolf, Eponerius... and... and you," she ended in a breath.
If I hadn't been a Beast covered with hairs, I'm sure I would have turned scarlet. Except that at the time where I wasn't a Beast, I wouldn't even have heard such a declaration and I wouldn't have paid any attention to it. Now they seemed to me the sweetest words I could ever hear. A few moment before, I had evoked my roses and I realised with stupefaction that I hardly cared for them anymore. I have undertook the quest of a girl so she could heal my roses and now that I had found Beauty, it was insignificant to me. Was it what the fairy spoke about when she mentioned that something would devour me, an inextinguishable desire that my roses could never fill? If I lost Beauty, how useful would be my roses to replace her absence?
Beauty, without doubt thinking that she had offended me by saying her last words - when it was all the contrary! - began again to read aloud with her voice soft and clear. It seemed to me that I never had heard sweetest melody. Around noon - Beauty was already at the third chapter and, hearing the translations she gave me, it wasn't however childishly simple - Geolf himself appeared. I remained flabbergasted: for all I knew, never Geolf had left his kitchen, except for going from time to time on the terrace.
"Lunch is served," he announced with his rough voice.
Beauty raised quickly her head and looked as surprised as me to see him in the library. She put carefully the book next to her and almost ran to Geolf.
"What happened?" she asked anxiously.
The brown chops of my cook gave what should be a smile and he answered:
"Nothing, I just want to be sure that thou wilt eat correctly today."
He said that with a very low tone, so that I couldn't hear that he was at thou and thee with her, but I had keen ears. On the other hand, I noticed that he took care to speak like a human and not with his usual growls.
"Oh!" said Beauty, baffled. "Thou exaggeratest, Geolf! It won't be the first time that I miss a meal!"
He looked at her with a less than kind look.
"That's not a reason! It's very bad for health first of all and then, thou art skinny enough like this without adding anything else! I'm sure the master will agree with me: Lady Beauty needs to eat a solid lunch," he added while raising the voice so he was sure I heard him.
"Geolf is right, Beauty. It's an excellent pretext for you to relax and to rest your eyes and your voice."
She had like a amused smile and nodded without a word. Then she looked at me and said softly:
"You're eating with me, my lord, aren't you?"
And her eyes were pleading so that I couldn't refuse.
"If you want me to be with you, Beauty, I will accept gladly," I answered politely, trying to make her understand that I didn't want to force her on that subject.
Suddenly her smile became very bright and she added :
"So you're coming with me, my lord!"
I smiled briefly in return and saw out of the corner of my eye that Geolf was sad. I knew in the same moment that he was deeply in love with Beauty. Maybe she saw him only like a brother, but the love Geolf had for her was of a totally different sort. I felt sorry for him ; there was the precedent of Raynal and Iris and Geolf could have thought a moment that he could win Beauty's love. But then he certainly remembered that if I hadn't loved Iris, I was in love with Beauty and he understood he hadn't a chance with her.
I closed briefly the eyes while I was following Beauty and Geolf on the way to the dining room. I took a deep breath. What if I allowed Geolf to pursue his conquest of Beauty? I was due to die very soon, I was sure of that, and perhaps the fairy would not condemn the servants who had the only flaw to be faithful. Perhaps she would allow them to recover their original shape and so Geolf and Beauty could be happy together. Geolf was worthier of Beauty than I was. I decided to speak with Geolf this very evening. The decision I took was painful but I had to do it. I had no right to deny love to him. If I hadn't been under that curse, I would even not have laid my eyes on Beauty and even if I had remarked her, I wouldn't have intervened between her and Geolf. My curse was no reason to destroy their lives.
The lunch was quite merry, even if Beauty was at the other end of the table, so far from me. I drank her beauty and each of her laughs made me shiver slightly. The afternoon was for me both short and awfully long. Short, because it was the last afternoon I could spend with Beauty this way, and long because I wanted to speak with Geolf the soonest and have this thing behind me, with all the pains it would give.

In the evening, I called Geolf. He came, quite surprised, because it was the first time I'd ever called him in my rooms.
"Geolf, I want you to be frank with me now. Do you love Beauty?"
The question startled him.
"Since you want me to be frank, master," replied Geolf, "I will tell you I can't answer such a question."
"Please, Geolf, it's about Beauty's future. I need to know."
Geolf looked at his hind paws and said:
"Yes, I do love her."
I sighed, trying not to care about the sharp pain I felt in the heart.
"I... I think she loves you too, Geolf. I just wanted to say that you're free to court her. As if there were no curse."
Geolf watched me with undisguised surprise, then said:
"No, master. Because Beauty doesn't love me. If she loves someone, it's you. I'm just her brother, like Jod, but nothing more. And even if she loved me, I wouldn't court her, because you need her to break the curse on you and on me."
"Geolf," I sighed once more, "I will probably die very soon. I don't really know which hour show the clock's hands, but I'm pretty sure they're near the twelve. Why destroy your life when nothing can save me? Even if I must beg the fairy on my knees, even if I have to see all my roses die before my eyes, even if I have to suffer a hundred years more, I'll have you live under your real shape after my death, so the curse will be ended for you. Even if I must marry Rose Line," I added with a sick humour.
"No, my lord," said Geolf with a painful dignity. "You never laughed at me when I spoke with my growls instead of real words, you never laughed at me when I was so shy that I retreated in my kitchens where nobody would follow me, so I won't take you the only girl who could save you. She loves you and I don't have any right to take her from you. I prefer to see her happy with you than unhappy alone, under the whip of a sadistic foreman."
"Geolf, I didn't tell you to take Beauty without her consent. I did tell you that you could court her. That means that if she loves you, you have my blessing to wed, I won't interfere. That's all, Geolf."
I dismissed my poor cook without giving him time to answer me. I remained alone and very sad.

In a pitiful attempt to forget, I decided to play a bit with magic. The book Beauty had read during the day had some very interesting features in it and I wished to try them. I didn't really know if what followed was reality or only a dream - or a nightmare. I was playing with an amusing spell, which consisted in creating water from my palm placed above a silver basin. I quite liked the sensation coming from the water springing out of my palm.
Then, suddenly, I was no more in my room, but on the roof of the dungeon and the water was no more a thin dribble, but a real flood coming from my two palms raised above my head. I heard me laugh like a demon, happy to see the water cascade from the dungeon to the gardens, drowning everything on its passage. I saw my roses disappear under an enormous wave and I was still laughing.
I remembered that my lucid "brain" was telling me that the book probably came from the fairy and that the spells were distorted, either in the impression they gave or even in the effect they had. That was all very well and good, but it wouldn't get me much further forward. I was almost powerless to stop myself, so much I was enjoying this irresistible power running in my veins, warm as fire, burning as lava.
And the waters rose; they were lapping on the first stair of the castle and I couldn't stop them. Then I heard someone screaming, but the scream didn't fill the airs: it was filling my head, resounding high and clear, on a high-pitched note. I growled under my breath and put my hands on my temples so the pain caused by this scream would end. It never did. Instead the pain was growing as the scream became more and more high so I couldn't even hear the noise of the waters under my feet. Fortunately the stream had stopped coming from my palms so I didn't receive the water on the face; as some beasts, I didn't like very much water. It was enough to wash myself with it without swimming for the pleasure.
Once again, my lucid "brain" took the things in hand: hadn't I, this very afternoon, heard Beauty as if she was speaking directly mind to mind or, to say, by telepathy? If I was able to hear this scream only in my head, it was because the scream came from Beauty. As soon as I realised that, the veil that covered my mind disappeared and I was able to think clearly. The waters didn't run anymore from my palms, but the gardens were all drown under eight or ten feet of water.
Frantically I began looking for Beauty. I couldn't just let her be drowned like that because of a perverted spell of the fairy. She would pay dearly for this, I swore it. Even from the dungeon I couldn't see where Beauty was, so I had to use magic, but I was very careful with it. The spell of clear-vision helped me quickly. Beauty was under a colonnade in the middle of the gardens, with water murmuring on her feet, two stairs under. A shiver ran down my spine. So much water to save her! Hell, I wished I were still human, so I would fear water less.
I ran down to the dungeon and, without thinking anymore, I dived into the water after tearing away my tunic. I swam with powerful movements, not bothering the thunder above my head, thunder which came from nowhere, suddenly, just because the fairy decided it, I guessed. Even with the water in the eyes, I could see Beauty circling a column with both her arms, the cheek pressed against the cold marble.
"Please, Shuqra," I prayed silently "do that she's not afraid of thunder and tempest!"
But it was already too late for praying. Beauty, with wide-opened eyes, seemed to see things that didn't exist except in her fear and the scream in her mind - and mine - didn't stop a second. I called her, several times, and she finally heard me. Relief showed on her face and she replied to my call. In her mind, she urged me:
"Please, my lord! Please come quickly! Oh God, I'm so frightened! I don't know why I'm here, I don't know where all this water came from... Please, please, I need you to comfort me..."
Two movements and I was at the colonnade. I climbed up near Beauty and, to my surprise, she ran to me and all but threw herself in my arms. I was soaked to the skin, but she didn't mind. Her young arms circled my chest as I often dreamed she would do and she pressed her cheek against me. Carefully, for I didn't want to frighten her, I wrapped my arms around her so she would feel warm - but soaked - and safe.
"Thank the Gods, you're here," she whispered. "What's this deluge worth of the worst nightmare?"
I rocked her gently in my arms and she rubbed her cheek against my chest.
"I'm afraid I'm responsible for all this," I said softly. "I tried a spell, quite amusing, since it consisted in creating a thin dribble coming from my palm. Then suddenly, I was on the dungeon and streams of water were cascading from my hands."
"The fairy?" mused Beauty.
"Probably. Are you all right?" I asked.
"Now that you're here, yes."
There was a pelting rain above our heads, with thunder and lightning but none of us cared. Beauty felt safe in my arms and I felt more happy than I'd ever been. My heart was soaring high above. But my lucid "brain" told me that it wasn't safe at all to stay outside with such a weather. Shuqra only knew what the fairy could imagine now!
"Beauty, dearest, we must go home. There's thunder and it might be dangerous."
"Don't leave me," she pleaded. "Please don't leave me here!"
Her little face so thin was raised towards me and huge pale green eyes were looking at me, half filled with tears.
"Don't cry, Beauty, child. I won't let you here. How can you think such thing of me?"
"Don't send me away from your arms," she thought and I heard her thoughts as clearly as if she would have really said them. "Keep me here warm and safe for the rest of time!"
Bold as I never thought I could be, I lifted her in my arms and her slim arms circled my neck while she leaned her head against my shoulder. I recalled in the same time that my tunic was near the dungeon, on the other side of the water, torn by powerful claws and I reddened. As I wouldn't let Beauty in such a state of being in the arms of a man - Beast - only half-clothed, I entered the water.
"Do you know how to swim, Beauty?" I asked.
"No, my lord. I never had the time to learn."
I told her to cling to my neck, but in my back, and while I was in the water, she was above it. She understood what she had to do for not hindering me. I was more careful this time than I had been for the first crossing, since I didn't want to spread water on Beauty, who seemed to dislike it as much as I did. It came to me that even if I didn't like water, I wasn't panicking when I had to enter it, while Beauty seemed more afraid, as I could feel it by the stiffness of her dear arms around my neck. She didn't hampered me at all, for she was so thin that her weight didn't bother me very much compared to what I was used. I felt her breath on my neck and it was the most enjoyable thing in the world, even if I was soaked to the skin and I hated that.
For me, the dungeon stairs almost came too early. I climbed them up and helped Beauty to put her feet on the ground. She snuggled immediately in my arms and I was so surprised that I didn't even prevent her from doing so. Once again, I lifted her in my arms and took her in the room she already knew. The room was like a cocoon where she would feel warm and safe, as she wanted to be, but even so, she didn't let me go away from her.
"Please, Beauty," I coaxed her gently, "I must dry myself or I will catch a cold. And you need to dry yourself too. You're soaked by my fault, you poor child."
She finally relaxed her hold on my neck and I could conjure a towel from nowhere. In fact, I conjured two, one for me and one for her, but she took hers to dry my back while I was energetically rubbing my head with the towel. Her sudden gentleness, the disappearance of her fear of contact, all was making me suspicious, but I couldn't help it : it was so wonderful that I preferred to enjoy it when I could. I remembered the first time when Beauty's gentleness had disturbed - and upset - me so much that I had fled. I wouldn't flee this time. Oh God, her hands were so tender!
I turned to face her and she slipped her arms around my neck again. Where was my so shy Beauty? The girl in front of me was quite bold, a new aspect of her that I both liked and feared. I liked it, because I didn't want to impose myself to her and I wouldn't have dared to take her in my arms as I wanted so much to do. I feared it, because my lucid part of brain told me it wasn't normal. It was probably a reaction to her fear, a fear so intense that she had to shelter in someone's kindness. It meant that tomorrow, everything would be gone and that she would be shy and afraid to have upset me, since I didn't seem to appreciate her acts. Oh God, if only she knew how much I enjoyed to have her in my arms!
Gently, with the towel I still held in my hand, I dried her hair and her face, my oh-so-clumsy paws discovering the delicacy of her features. Her eyes never left mine during all the time and I finally thought that I couldn't dry her face or hair till the end of time. I dropped the towel on the floor, fearing what would happen next. She relaxed her hold and put her arms around my chest, which was more at her height than my neck. She leaned on me, trusting, her head laid on my shoulder, her hair spread on both her shoulders and mine.
My arms circled her slim waist and I marvelled at the fact that most of my clumsiness seemed to have faded in the air. I felt almost strong and sure while holding her in my arms. I rocked her gently as she nuzzled against my shoulder. She was like a child, a child never hurt by I-didn't-know-what, a trusting child in the arms of a dear uncle who just saved her from a deluge. I lifted her in my arms, sat in a large armchair and settled her on my lap. She circled my neck with her arms and rested trustingly in my embrace. I rocked her so gently that I knew she was going to fall asleep.
As soon as I heard her breath become quiet, I stood up again and went to her room. I didn't know how she went to the colonnade in the middle of the night, but I didn't care. This night would be a memory that I would cherish until the end of my life. I laid her on her bed, pulled down the covers on her and remained an instant kneeling beside her bed, gazing at her. She held my heart, my soul, my very life in her little hands without even knowing it. She was so vulnerable, so fragile! I brushed one of my huge fingers against her bright hair and stood up suddenly, leaving her room as someone who had seen a demon.
To calm down, I went into the garden. I shrugged mentally when I thought to my gardens drowned under height feet. Beauty was more important than a whole garden of roses. I went out of the castle and stayed frozen where I was. There's not a single trace of water in the garden. I bent down: the ground was dry. I walked into my gardens, until my rose trees and here they were, raising their head as high as they could, offering me their flowers and their scent. Too shocked to react, I gently stroked a red rose with my thumb and slowly came back into the comfortable room.
On the floor, there was no towel, but I wasn't really surprised. Even if the deluge really existed, the magic of the castle would have tidied away the towels, because it disturbed the cleanness of the room. I sat in my armchair, mourning internally. I had dreamed all this, probably. I went back into my room, sat in front of my mirror and extended my hand above the silver basin before pronouncing the words of the spell.
I startled slightly when feeling water on my knees. I looked down and saw that the basin was full; water was running down the table, on my knees and on the parquet floor which Stoat was so proud of. I swore aloud and stood up quickly. Yes, this time, I was very sure of it. All this had been a dream, a wonderful dream, except for the part of the deluge, but a dream nonetheless. I was sad to realise it. It meant that never Beauty had looked for a shelter in my arms, never I had held her with an embrace strong and sure, never I had saved her of the waters.
Then I noticed something strange - in addition to the water on the floor, naturally, which was creating a beautiful puddle with iridescent colours - and I held my breath: I wasn't wearing my tunic anymore.