Chapter I: Breaking the curse

Women in Navarre, detail
Copyright © Jonathon Earl Bowser 1991.
Used with permission.

The result was such that, priding myself on my learning capacity, I believed I was ready to meet a girl face to face, in real - for the first time of my life, for I had always looked at Rose Line like a rose rather than a representative of the female gente. I designed a girl as beautiful as a rose - Raynal having agreed with me on that subject, my taste was probably not that bad - called Swallow and my servants who could transformed back into humans went out to bring her to me.
I had required that force would not be used. If Swallow didn't want to come, nobody could force her to. But Swallow agreed to come. Undoubtedly she was curious to see how her mysterious lord looked like. Her escort disappeared just before the castle gate - so that she wouldn't see them transform into hideous frightful beasts; if their disappearance surprised her she didn't show it. I was observing her in my mirror and I saw her resuming boldly her way.
Naturally she didn't know where to go and she stopped in the middle of the first room she entered. It was the antechamber and it suited me perfectly, for this room was overhung by a gallery where numerous dark corners could hide me. I chose a random alcove and from there, I addressed the girl with my softest voice - which wasn't very soft, alas! - for reassuring her a bit, in case she would have frightened by the more than strange welcome.
"Welcome in my castle, lady Swallow!" I said gently, trying to convey all the warmth I could.
Swallow looked up toward the gallery, trying to see through darkness to discover who was talking to her.
"I am but your humble servant, my lord," she answered with a curtsey.
She seemed mortified for not having felt my presence before my voice betrayed it.
"I have... a request to subject to you, lady Swallow," I said then.
I was very embarrassed: how could I possibly explain to an innocent girl that you were a monster only waiting for love to become the most pleasant young noble? Though I wasn't sure that the term 'most pleasant' could be applied to me...
"My lord, I am indeed very honoured to be able to help you," murmured Swallow, surprised and a bit flattered too, for her lord had made her come to ask for her advice!
"Would you have the kindness to remain a few days in the castle?" I concluded hastily.
I didn't dare to add 'in my company' for she wouldn't be really in my company. I knew I had to love the girl for the spell to be broken and it seemed normal to me to verify first if the chosen girl would have the qualities that would make me love her - as if I had an idea on which those qualities were! It was totally useless to rush headlong in a seduction action - about which I didn't know anything - for a girl unable to rouse any interest from me. From what the mirror had shown me, Swallow looked like a girl very well educated, but a question was tormenting me: did she like roses?
Swallow let her surprise show when hearing my request; she thought an instant and then blushed slightly.
"My lord, I would be... delighted... but my family and... my fiancé..."
She didn't need to say more: if she was betrothed it was out of question I tried to make her my wife. Even if I was a monster, rules required me to play the 'game' fairly. I had to, no matter what; I would prove myself I could be a good looser. Naturally I was more than in a hurry to be human again, but I still wasn't selfish enough to be willing to be so while breaking a couple.
"Of course, lady Swallow," I said, trying to hide the disappointment in my tone. "I... I wasn't aware you were betrothed. In this case it's obvious you are free to go back to your home."
"My lord," she offered then, furiously blushing because of her boldness, "maybe you would like to welcome my younger sister? Sirli is not promised."
Some of my disappointment had probably shown in my tone despite my care and her offer forced me to reconsider the situation. I assuredly wanted a girl's company, even if I had no intention to show myself to her - frightening the poor child would be of no help. I had chosen Swallow among them all, would her sister with a name so musical be able to take her place?
"We could try, lady Swallow," I replied, quite doubtful. "On the only condition that your sister will come here on her free will. I don't want her to feel obligated."
Without me having to say it Swallow understood the discussion was over. She curtsied and went back from where she had come, finding her escort waiting for her outside the castle. I was following everything in my magic mirror and I saw her talk with a smiling girl, with a slightly round face. It had to be Sirli and I suddenly remembered having already seen her with Swallow.
Sirli listened attentively to her sister, who mentioned that I sounded benevolent and concerned of my subjects' desires. I saw Sirli successively blushing and turning pale as her sister was speaking of her offer; Sirli didn't answer. She looked an instant more at her sister, then came out from her house and went directly to my people, who were waiting for I-didn't-know-what. And so Sirli became the first girl to enter my castle and my life.

Like Swallow before her, she walked the corridor almost dark without showing any fear, even if I noticed that her hands were slightly trembling. She stopped in the antechamber and, once again, I spoke from the gallery:
"Did you come here from your own free will, lady Sirli?" I asked.
I had seen the scene in my magic mirror, but I didn't know anything about the conventions in Swallow's family and for all I knew, a word from the eldest might be like an order for the youngest.
"Yes, my lord," she said firmly. "My sister told me of your desire to have some company and I am very honoured to have been... chosen."
She had hesitated on the last word of her sentence, but I was unable to know why. Nevertheless it reminded me of my father's doubts about the bride-finding ball and that wasn't a pleasant memory. I brought back my attention on Sirli. She was standing very straight, her round face turned up toward the gallery, her eyes fixed on me even if she couldn't see me, and this insistent gaze was disturbing me.
"Are you sure to be the chosen one or a victim?"
I held back the words at the last instant; frightening Sirli would be of no good. But her gaze was still disturbing me and it was with a rather aggressive voice that I indicated her the way to follow to go to the room that was reserved for her; I thought useless to mention that it had been reserved at first for Swallow.
Sirli was a merry, very smiling, girl, as I could notice while observing her in my mirror. With her started a habit that I would keep for a very long time: leaving my room only very rarely, observing the outside world through my mirror and, more especially, the girl in the castle.
It didn't take long to Sirli to discover everything the castle contained and it was during her stay that I first saw all the magic at work. I noticed quickly that Sirli was dressed with splendid dresses and I questioned the handmaidens about the subject. They denied having created the dresses; shyly one of them avowed that they found those rich outfits in a large closet where they appeared progressively.
I thought lengthily of that discovery and I wasn't long in using this magic for my personal well-being. If my new shape had required long years of training before me being able to master it, playing with the castle magic didn't require the same assiduity: naturally, I had to practise, for it was easy to obtain something wrong if my mind was wandering, but the curse of Rose Line's godmother had left my mind untouched, therefore with all its original agility.
My favourite game was to listen to Sirli when she was wishing out aloud and to realise her wishes immediately to her great surprise. Soon the other inhabitants of the castle learnt to master magic too, so that they could answer our guest's desires, in case I wouldn't have been listening, which was very rarely.
But magic wasn't enough for Sirli. I was spending my time observing her, even when I was talking to her, and I saw very quickly sadness invading her huge eyes so penetrating. She wasn't saying anything about it, but each movement betrayed her, shouting it loud and clear. After a certain time I made up my mind and decided to talk to her.
"Lady Sirli, what is the problem?"
As usual Sirli looked up toward the place where I was and smiled, but even her smile was sad.
"Nothing, my lord. There is no problem."
"You are bored, lady Sirli. But you do not dare to complain."
Sirli's silence was the answer she wasn't giving to me, far too well educated to disagree with her lord's will.
"You are free, lady Sirli. You can pack up your things and on one word from you, my men will wait for you at the outside gate to walk you to your home."
Sirli shook the head and I didn't know if it was for refusing or because she wasn't really believing in my offer.
"You are dismissing me, my lord?"
"Little Sirli," I said, breaking the rigorous politeness I had always used till now, "you are to be free and not to be caged in a empty and sinister castle. Your stay in my castle will always be a memory I will cherish."
What I didn't tell her was that I had come to the conclusion she wasn't the one who could free me; true, she was joyful - normally - witty, nice and caring, but my heart wasn't moved. I considered her as a friend, nothing more.
And so Sirli left. The reunion with her family was joyful and I noted with satisfaction that I had succeeded in inspiring some affection to her. After her departure my magic mirror often remained frozen on her image and I saw her continuing to blossom. She had several suitors for her moral code was such that nobody dared to tarnish her of a suspicion on what could have happened in the castle. She chose for companion a young man who loved her more than his life and I approved her choice.
The day of her wedding I called upon my magic and one of my men carried a wedding basket to the young bride. Her husband winced a little but she simply said:
"It's the gift of a friend."
Her gaze turned to the castle and softened even more if possible, and then she smiled to her husband.
I saw Sirli give birth to beautiful and strong children, bring them up with love and I also saw her die. I felt a deep emptiness in me. As long as Sirli had lived I hadn't looked for any other company than hers through the mirror. I had spent my time between my roses and Sirli. The clock was indicating eleven hours and fourteen minutes. I had wasted a quarter of the time I had been given.

Sighing I turned over a new leaf and resumed my search for a girl in the small land the fairy had given me but, in my rooms, a portrait of Sirli appeared on the wall. Raynal gave his approval as for my new choice and my servants went to bring back the 'chosen one', a girl named Clara. She was less reserved than Sirli and my habit of hiding for talking to her irritated her very much. She tried by all ways to discover my identity and I had to be very careful. Alert, clever, she asked quantity of questions, on each and every possible subject, but something sealed her fate, or rather two things: first she absolutely hadn't a green thumb and then she didn't even like flowers.
I tried at first - when knowing she didn't like flowers - to make her change her mind on that subject, but there was nothing to be done. I thus dismissed her and her portrait appeared next to Sirli's. I watched the rest of her life with less interest than I had had for Sirli's, for I was looking for another girl.
They were actually several of them, succeeding to each other, and theirs portraits were lining up on my wall: Sirli, Clara, Rosemary, Lenore, Katherine, Cherry, Juliet and Melanie. Each one of them had her character, her qualities and defects. Dreamy Rosemary had a habit I didn't like: she wore a perfume too strong that was disturbing me. Like Rose Line, the presence of the word 'rose' in her name looked like a rotten trick, for Rosemary didn't know anything about flowers - as if I was doomed to pick up girls who didn't care for flowers.
Lenore was more like Clara, even if she looked like a shy defenceless girl. She did almost unmask me, as I was in my garden, caring for my red rose tree, which had finally survived, when I heard steps getting near. With a beating heart I used my magic to modify the path where Lenore was walking on, as we were often doing in the castle, and, fortunately for me, she turned away from me without even knowing she had been separated from her lord by just some bushes.
Katherine, gentle and nice Katherine, was the one I was so very near to love. She was the shyest of them all and coming to the castle had taken almost all her courage. She looked like a frightened bird and I was exhausting myself to soften my voice for not frightening her even more. Magic terrified her and, during her stay, none of us used it in front of her. Nevertheless Katherine had a wonderful quality: she loved flowers, almost as much as I did, and, under her caring hands, my garden took a more dignified aspect. My rose garden gained two new species thanks to her and nothing was beautiful enough to thank her and show her my gratitude. I would have liked to fall at her feet but I couldn't, for it would have terrified her more than anything.
She was beginning to feel quite comfortable in my castle when Rose Line's godmother probably decided that it was far too soon to release me of her curse and Katherine fell ill. Magic proved powerless and my wonderful Katherine had to be hastily brought back to her home, where her parents managed to save her, the doctor being naturally provided - and paid - by me. I could see in the mirror that my gentle Katherine wanted to come back but I knew the fairy would strike again and I couldn't allow that. For her I did the same I did for Sirli: I forgot everything that wasn't her and I spent my days and nights watching her. Alas, her health had remained delicate and she died a few years later, having obstinately refused to marry. I wondered a brief instant if her refusal wasn't due to me but it was giving myself to much credit.
Her death affected me very much and during several years I totally refused to think of something else - or someone else - than her. My mirror remained frozen on her grave and my magic's only purpose was to put flowers on this cold stone. For her never had my magic been as powerful, creating the most rare species I could think of, in the crazy hope I would manage to please her, to reach her beyond death. Katherine's grave, in spite of the difficulties to affect anything outside the castle, was becoming a marvel - to the puzzlement of the cemetery's gardener - and the town decided to restructure the cemetery so that Katherine's grave would be just behind the iron gate, visible by everybody.
Raynal judged it was time for me to get out of my lethargy and decided by himself to bring Iris to the castle. I was blind to her qualities. I was looking in her for something that would remind me of Katherine and I couldn't find anything. However Iris managed to be adored by the servants and even Raynal ended up wishing she would be my saviour. But the unexpected happened: Iris fell in love with Raynal, whom she had met the first day and whose soft voice she was often hearing since Raynal was trying to make it up for me being awfully rude. Raynal was certainly not insensitive to this beautiful girl, but the fairy's curse was such that he would be human again only when I would be free. Sick at heart Raynal took Iris back to her family. For the first time I didn't look at it in the mirror: I wanted to give to Raynal that moment of intimacy so he could say farewell to Iris.
Cherry, the following one, came to the castle only much later. Neither Raynal nor me were in the mood to care for a girl. I was back into the contemplation of Katherine's grave, while Raynal, using my magic mirror too, was watching Iris. His heart was broken when, four years later, under her family pressure, Iris accepted to get married, and he was crushed when she died in childbirth the following year. I felt I had to do something, and quickly! I chose hastily a girl - Cherry - and sent Raynal to bring her to the castle. Cherry didn't stay very long but she gave us the occasion, to Raynal and me, to pull ourselves together. She gave us a particularly spicy diatribe in which she was telling us, among other things, that she didn't really appreciate being treated like a toy by whimsical boys and she ended it up by slamming the door behind her.
Somehow, later, I regretted Cherry's leaving and the way her stay had gone - wrong, obviously - which was the reason of her portrait being in the gallery, though her stay had been the shortest of all the girls. Cherry would probably have been a girl fascinating to know and her strong character would have allowed her not to be frightened by the Beast I was and, who knows? maybe she would have freed me, if we excepted the fact that the fairy would probably have forbidden it, naturally.
Juliet's arriving was like a breath of fresh air for the whole household. Juliet was a very merry girl, often laughing, witty and obstinate. She refused to listen to any of the reasons why the servants wouldn't show up and, little by little, getting bold under her constant injunctions, some - generally half-human, like Raynal - showed themselves to her, expecting a cry of fright. She welcomed them with a burst of laughter, the most marvellous sound to their ears. After that day the castle resounded even more with Juliet's joyful laughter and my servants themselves learnt again how to laugh. However what gave Juliet her popularity did a disservice to her as for Raynal and me. Both marked by Iris's death for him, Katherine's for me, Juliet's laughter was sometimes sounding like an insult to our sadness. When Juliet began to get bored - for Raynal and I weren't even trying to distract her - our decision was already taken and she went back to her home.
We waited some time before choosing another girl. By that time the servants had figured it all out and already knew the reason of all those 'tries'. I now had a vague idea of the kind of girl I was the most sensitive to, but I was reluctant to choose a girl too similar to Katherine, knowing perfectly it would only revive my grief. Melanie was a compromise between Juliet and Katherine: frail and shy enough to give me the desire to protect her, but almost as joyful as Juliet. However there was something bothering me in Melanie: sometimes she was reminding me of Rose Line and I had the impression I was seeing in her eyes something of the fairy's malicious glint. Melanie was dismissed.
I had no more taste for those dubious tries and Raynal had given up too. None of the girls had seemed to feel any love for me, except maybe my sweet Katherine; undoubtedly they would have liked to see me face to face, but they would have been frightened and, in my 'romantic' vision of girls, hatred was not an emotion I wanted to see on a feminine face.

Something reinforced my selfish decision to give up this hopeless search: Raynal died. I could feel the fairy's touch in this death and, while holding tightly my cousin's body in my arms, I mixed laments and curses. My only consolation was that he was human again now that he was dead. I refused for him to be buried in the town cemetery. My subjects would never have understood while their lord would not have come to his cousin's burial. Raynal was thus buried in a quiet spot in my garden, far from all our ancestors in their dark damp vaults, and, leaning on his grave, I covered it with irises. I had got irritated more than once that I could create any kind of flower, as long as it wasn't for me, while being totally unable to create rose trees, but this time, nothing could move me.
The fairy chose that moment to come taunt me. She appeared in front of me as I was still kneeling in front of Raynal's grave. I stood up and went away, forcing her to follow me, as I was expecting her, until the only place I judged worth of her: a part of the forest, entirely ravaged, for it was the place I was hunting or exteriorising my anger. She didn't deserve anything better.
"So, kind lord," she said with a honeyed tone, "do you regret now to have scorned my goddaughter?"
"Never!" I replied immediately. "Your curse opened my eyes on the world and, without you, I would never have lived long enough to meet Katherine. Thank you for your... blessing."
I was decided not to let her know how much I wanted to be human again and I noticed that my words were bothering her: she pursed her lips, obviously upset.
"You won't get rid of me that easily!" she warned me. "I have my eye on you and I will never allow you to be human again!"
She disappeared on those words, which hadn't moved me much. I had understood that the time she had given me, that tiny hope, was only a lure. She would always do what she did with Katherine. Slowly I went back to my castle and looked at the clock: it was indicating eleven hours thirty-three minutes and forty seconds. I had a bitter smile and refrained the desire to turn the dial against the wall. I turned on my heels and had a look at my magic mirror whose surface blurred at once before showing me the smiling face of an unknown girl. I restrained from destroying it in a single blow.
Nervous, irritated, I went back to the forest to calm down and yet, I knew it was not a good idea: if one of the poachers of the town saw me, he would talk and someone would finally be clever enough to find the missing link between a lord never showing up and a monstrous Beast.
Once I had exhausted myself, I went back to the castle, only to discover that Sevulf, one of my oldest servants, had decided to take Raynal's place by my side. He obviously thought that I needed someone to regularly temper me and I had the distinct impression that he had witnessed my rage in the forest.
His presence admittedly helped me but since the fairy was keeping away, I was remaining calm, going back to my roses and my horticulture books, which were in a pitiful state because of my claws. The new rose trees that I owed to my gentle Katherine were still alive and they were blooming over and over, as to remind me of the adorable girl who gave them life - as if I needed a reminder! I was also making sure that three graves would get flowers the whole year long: those of Katherine, Iris and Raynal.
Seasons came and went one after the other and I lost the count of them. I had moved the clock into an old room where nobody was ever going and everybody had forgotten about it, except dust, which covered it cheerfully. The fairy had undoubtedly decided that I would be granted no consolation for, taking advantage of me being busy saving once again my red rose tree, the townspeople restructured the cemetery once again and, despite the miracle of eternal blossoming, they judged that Katherine's grave had no more its place there. The pitiful remains of my sweet Katherine were thus moved into the common grave and, strangely, those of Iris were too. My heard bled, feeling as if I had just betrayed Raynal's trust in me, and I would have cried if I had known how.
Irritated - understandably - I made new decrees but the townspeople didn't understand their rigour: none mentioned the cemetery. The most important decree was the following one: a new town would be built farther from the castle and the only persons allowed to work near the castle - which meant for me, in my mirror reach, since I was never looking farther than the town and the fields - would be men. I had to use repression to apply it the way I wanted, but finally my mirror showed to me only men faces. Sevulf was in charge to track the cheaters. The thing leaked out among my servants who understood all that I was giving up on the solution for my curse. None complained: from the moment they had understood what was going on, they had all been doubtful on this solution and they knew to what they were doomed by accepting to share my curse.
During too many years I had played the fairy's game, getting interested in girls. Now I intended to show her that her curse wasn't moving me at all. Her aim was for me to be seeking girls' company, so that they would scorn me, making me understand what a fool I had been to scorn Rose Line. I had a grin full of contempt: Rose Line was too much a birdbrain to notice that I was even more stupid than her by that time. The nine girls who had come in my castle had taught me to be a bit less selfish and the only thing the fairy was succeeding in by all her schemes was to make myself close up to the outside world, going back to my old habits.
I looked at my mirror only once or twice in the week now, Sevulf being supposed to tell me if something required my attention. The faces I saw weren't as familiar as those from Sirli's time, but I wasn't even trying to remember them. Later, when I thought of everything that happened, I judged it was probably the main reason for what happened to me afterwards...