MSTing of FF9
Part 1
by Rosette

MSTing of FF9
By Rosette Rocket
*Scrip courtesy of Final Fantasy: Worlds Apart




Rating: Possibly um… 13+? The game is M15+ but I think that’s more graphics and innuendo than any thing…
**This document may contain language and intended innuendo of sexual origin… get over it…
Aha! I have finally decided to write a MSTing of my own, and I decided to do FF9! (Uh. Maybe the locating process of a game script had something to do with which FF game I settled with…but anyway FF9 was my original choice when I thought of going through with this…). I’m a big fan of Sarah the Boring’s FF7 MSTing and Dr. Clayton Forrester’s FF6 MSTing, both were hysterically funny. (Oh, and I’m really sorry I forgot who wrote that fanfic about Cloud and Aeris getting married and Red XIII and Yuffie having that barfing war over eachother’s hometowns and Tifa joins the Turks and Elena joins Sephy for tea? I’m sorry, but it was just so funny so I might use some of that for an idea) ^_^ I’m an amateur MSTer, this is my first… so be nice :) ...
I’m going to have Carla Gear as the main host with various rotating characters from FF7, FF8 and maybe an FF6 character. Carla Gear is my ToM (Tales of Midgar) webring character and Galia is Stacey’s character (also Carla’s sister)... Her persona is here if you want to know basically who she is and what she looks like… which you probably don’t but it adds to the story :) PS: There are pictures of her in the Carla Gallery (duh) if you really couldn’t be bothered reading the persona description... :P
Enough chit-chat let’s begin!

SCENE STARTS: Carla and a few other random FF characters are sitting in Galia’s apartment playing the PS2 watching the FMV of Final Fantasy 9...

[FMV. A big storm at sea, waves crashing & harsh winds, and a boat. The boat is being tossed around by the storm. Two people, faces unseen, are on the boat. A huge wave tosses the ship in the air, before crashing it down. A closeup of the faces shows someone who looks like Princess Garnet.

Carla: Well... duh, well isn’t this meant to be like, FORSHADOWING!

Everyone in the room: SHHHHH!!!!

Carla: So-rrrryyy!!!

Instantly, the scene shifts towards a scene with Garnet, sitting outside a window, waking up. Rubbing the fatigue from her eyes, she looks out the window. We see a large overview of Alexandria, followed by birds flying in the sky, and the Lindblum Theatre Ship, flying in the air. Inside the ship, a rat-tailed boy jumps down, walks forward, opens a door, and enters a dark room.]

Tifa: Rat-tailed? I thought Zidane was a monkey?

Seifer: Nah, YA THINK!?

"Sure is dark..."
"Guess nobody's here yet..."

Aeris: When one initiates that the room is dark when entered, it tends to stay that way.

[He lights a match, then lights a candle.]
"Who's there?"

Selphie: EEEEK! It’s the voice from nowhere! He’s back!

*Everyone looks at Selphie and edges away*

[Name the character "Zidane"]

Yuffie: We have to NAME the guy as well? What a drag...

Zell: ALRIGHT! Zinedine Zidane! The French soccer player who transferred to the Real Madrid team! YAY FIFA 2002! Pity they got kicked out before the second round... unlike Italy! RIUSCIRE ITALIA! (and Spain) VIERI:21 and MATERAZZI:23 RULE (and MORIENTES:9) INTENDERE VINCERE!!

Seifer: Riiiiiiiiiiiight

Tifa: (chirpily) How about...umm... FLUFFY! He’s got a tail already so...*Squall gives her a dirty look*... What?

Squall: (rolls eyes) Whatever...

Zidane: "It's me, Zidane!"

Yuffie: (bursts out laughing) ...And monkey-boy is talking to who pray tell?

Squall: The "dark", duh...

[Three characters - Blank, Cinna, and Marcus - open another door and run in]

Seifer: to eachother.

Blank: "Hey, Zidane! You sure are late!"

Zidane: "Sorry. So, where's the boss?"

Cinna: "Ain't here yet."

Carla: *yawns* (sarcastically) This is interesting...

Galia: It gets better… but not until disk four.

[Someone jumps down,

Seifer: from nowhere?

with the head of a dragon. Battle ensues.

Tifa: Wait, so this guy, wearing a dead dragon’s head, jumps outta nowhere and we have to fight him?

Yuffie: Yep…

Tifa: Weird…

By the end of the battle, it's revealed that the one you were fighting was Baku, leader of Tantalus, a.k.a. "Boss"]

Zell: Not just ‘the one’...but the “Chosen One!”

Seifer: Must… resist… making… Jedi… joke… ARRRRGGGG!

Yuffie: (starts singing) Ohhhh the chosen one-uuuuuuun… you are the choooooosen one!

Aeris: My goodness… where the hell did you learn that song, I thought the B-52’s were over it?

Yuffie: (grins) The second Pokemon movie, Pokemon 2000! Gotta catch ‘em all!

Squall: (mutters) Oh dear God... a Pokemon fan... in the same room as me...I have to get out of here, FAST!

Selphie: You’re a Pokemon fan? Me too!

Yuffie: Cool! Vulpix is so cute!

Baku: "Hey, fools!"

Carla: He loves his comrades so...

"You're lookin' a lot better!"
"Gwahahaha!"
"Alright! Let's start this meeting already!"

Carla: What a way to start a meeting!

Galia: Don’t ya reckon that his name should therefore be Baka?

Carla: Agreed!

[The four of them follow Baku into an adjacent room. In there, the 5 of them surround a table, with a construct of the Castle of Alexandria on the table]

Seifer: Who the hell took the time to build something like that?

Galia: They’ve been planning this for around sixteen years

Seifer: That explains a lot

Baku: "Here's the plan!"
"Tantalus, the infamous band of daring thieves (that's us), is headin' to the Kingdom of Alexandria..."

Carla: They’re pretty sure of themselves aren’t they?

"Our mission: to kidnap the heir to the throne, Princess Garnet!"

Squall: And the point of that is?

Carla: Shush, forshadowing, baka!

Squall: Uh huh…whatever…

Cinna: "I'll take it from here, so listen up!"

Tifa: Take what exactly?

"Our ship's about to dock at Alexandria..."
"And when it does, we're gonna put on our costumes..."

Aeris: (laughing) They need to PUT ON costumes? I don’t think that’ll be necessary…

"...and perform 'I Want to Be Your Canary,' the most popular play in Alexandria!"
"Break a leg, Marcus! ‘Cause you're playin' the lead!"

Zell: (as Marcus) OUCH! Sheesh… can you NOT?!

Marcus: "Leave the actin' to me! Of course, the real kidnappers'll be Blank and Zidane."

Blank: "I'll distract the audience from backstage with these little buggers."

Seifer: Oh really? *evil grin*

*Selphie decks him with the butt of her Strange Vision*

Selphie: Don’t even THINK about it!

Seifer: Awww…

"I can't stand oglops..."
"But I'll manage, so don't worry about me."

Tifa: He can’t stand what?!

Carla: These little frog thingies… or are they bugs?

Tifa: Ewwww!

Carla: Exactly

"And that'll be your cue, Zidane!"

Zell: Corner pocket!

Seifer: No Zell, no, bad.

Zidane: "Okay!"

[Choose between "That's when I kidnap Queen Brahne, right?" or "That's when I kidnap Princess Garnet, right?". Choose the latter choice]

Zell: (as Zidane) That means I choose Queen Brahne right?

Galia: Oh…My…Chibi…who in their right mind would want to kidnap Queen Brahne?!

Seifer: Someone with a serious vision impairment and can lift houses…

Galia: heh heh heh…you think Sabin Rene Figaro?

Seifer: …hahaha…probably…it could happen.

Yuffie: Or Don Corneo… *shudders*

Baku: "You bet! You're gonna kidnap the most babe-ilicious beauty in all of Alexandria, Princess Garnet!"

Zell: Babe-ilicious? *raises eyebrow* When do we see her?

Yuffie: Not for a while

Zell: Damn

[FMV. An orange-yellowish sky is above Alexandria. A small black mage, walking and stumbling, looks up to see the massive Theatre Ship pass overhead, casting a shadow over him. The ship moves into place, near Alexandria castle. The crystal, in the centre of the castle, is focused upon, as the words "FINAL FANTASY IX" appear on the screen]

*Everyone shields their eyes*

Carla: Gee, we didn’t know what stupid game we were playing, thanks for clearing it up. Therefore Seifer owes me $20 for saying that we were playing FF7. *Grins*

Seifer: *Scowls* I said the were people coming from FF7!

*When the light dies down everyone is trying to figure out the meaning of the crystal*

Aeris: OH! I remember what it’s supposed to be! It’s Alexander!

Everyone else: Huh???

Aeris: Well, It’s Alexandria castle, but when you look upside down…

Everyone: Ooooh

Aeris: *sigh* You’ll see later…

[Action resumes in Alexandria. The black mage stumbles and falls down, dropping his ticket. The word "ALEXANDRIA" appears on the screen. A small person walks up to him]

"You awright?"
"Here! You dwopped your ticket."
"Bye-bye!"

Squall: That was informative, I feel so enlightened I know where I am.

[You can now take control of the black mage, whose name is simply "??????" at the moment. After a bit of walking, a Rat Kid bumps into the black mage, and both fall down]

Tifa: Now, that’s Rat Kid, see because he has a Rat-Tail!

Zell: I love the Black Mage’s name… do you pronounce that “Huh?” or “Um”?

Rat Kid: "Oww!"
"Why you--get outta my way!!!"

[Next screen...]

Carla: (blinks dizzily) Huh? How the HELL did we get here?

Galia: I don’t think transport has been scripted into this document, so I think we just, you know *jump*

Yuffie: (looking sick and making gurgling noises) Juuuuuust great, where’s the bathroom?

Tifa: (grinning) Yuffie gets motion sickness, just from walking… heh heh heh…I remember once her and Red XIII were trying to get even, by barfing over eachother’s home towns’ from the Highwind. Red XIII ate around two dozen raw eggs and Yuffie had a Palmer-sized McDonalds Chicken nugget happy meal with extra lard. They both threw up on Cosmo Canyon, Red XIII’s been ploting revenge ever scince.

*Everyone looks at Tifa funny*

Tifa: True story

Herald: "Honorable nobles of Treno... Castle Alexandria is this way!"

[Honks his horn, as a group of nobles walks off the screen. The black mage walks to the next screen and approaches the Ticket Booth]

Carla: The nobles of Treno? They came allllllll the way from Treno just to see this play, which is on a Flying Theatre Ship. For being world famous it musn’t travel a lot.

Ticket Master: "Can I help you, son?"

Zell: (as Black Mage, with an accent) You talking to me?! Well, there’s nobody else here…

Seifer: (as Ticket Master) Get out.

*Zell sulks away*

Pointy-Hat Boy: "Uh... Umm..."

Selphie: Oh, so now he’s ‘Pointy-Hat boy’?

Seifer: Suit’s him… heh heh heh

Zell: It’s easier to say than ‘?????’

[Choose between "Show Ticket", "What's showing today?", "Tell me about Alexandria!", or "Leave".

All: LEAVE!!!

Choose "Show Ticket".]

Ticket Master: "What's this? There's something odd about this ticket..."
"Why, it's another fake! I've seen so many today."

Seifer: (as Ticket Master) why you lying little son of a…!! Come here, I’ll throw you to the dogs!

Pointy-Hat Boy: "Nooooo!"

Zell: (as Pointy-Hat Boy) *sniff* That was my favourite Powerpuff girl doll… *sob* it was Bubbles! *sniff*

Ticket Master: "Now, now. Don't cry. I know how you must feel."

Seifer: (as Ticket Master) But I still did it anyway! *MWA HA HA HA* being evil makes me feel so young again!

Zell: (As Pointy-Hat boy) *sniff* Meanie…!

Seifer: (as Ticket Master) Why, yes I am… CHICKEN WUSS! Eh heh heh…

Zell: WHAAAAAAAA! Squall! Seifer’s calling me that name again!

Squall: … Zell go over there *point’s to the corner* Seifer go waaaaaaaay over there *points to the opposite corner*

Seifer: Bite me

"Here, I'll give you these. Do try to cheer up now, hmm?"
[Received Goblin Card, Fang Card, Skeleton Card]
"Talk to Alleyway Jack to learn most about cards. Good luck, lad!"

Aeris: He denies us access to a play because we accidentally have a fake ticket…and he gives us fricken’ TRADING CARDS?!

Tifa: (meekly) …and where to get advice on trading cards…

Seifer: (as Ticket Master) *with glint in his eye* Just go to Alleyway Jack son, he owes me a favour…*winks* heh heh heh… He’ll take gooooood care ‘o you.

Zell: (as Pointy-Hat boy) *backing away slowly* uh huh…. *turns and runs* AHHHHHH!!!

[The black mage walks into a nearbye alley, where someone is hammering away at a sign. He trips and falls.]

Carla: A nearbye alley?

Selphie: All right! We got a spelling mistake in the script already!

Carla: Um…I think it was the scriptwriter’s fault, not the translators…

Selphie: Damn

Dante the Sign Maker: "Blast it!"

Seifer: (ecstatically) SHOOT TO KILL!

"Hey! You made me miss, you little klutz!"

Zell: (as Pointy-Hat boy) … who me, naw…I’m not Klutz, I’m Pointy-Hat boy, can’t you read?! (mutters) Stupid Sign Maker, what duz he no ‘bout redding and speelin’?

"Whew. That should do it."
"Well, it's been a long day."

Squall: (as Sign Maker) I need a drink…

*Everyone looks in surprise at the now scarlet-coloured Squall*

Squall: What? Can’t I crack puns too?

[Walks away, leaving the ladder he was using behind]

Zell: (as Pointy-Hat boy) *Walks under the ladder* *falls over* (muttering) I’m not bad luck, nope, never had bad luck in me life…I gots the luck ‘o thee Irish… and everyone’s always after me lucky charms…

Rat Kid:

Carla and Galia sing together: RAT KID, NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA RAT KID!

Tifa: Look! It’s the Rat-mobile! ZOOOOOOM!

"Hey, you! Shrimp! You're the one with the phoney ticket, ain'tcha?"
"I saw the guy tell you it was fake!"
[Choose between "Y-Yeah, it's fake", "N-No, it's not fake", or "Are you Alleyway Jack?". Pick the first choice.]

Zell: (as Pointy-Hat boy) Shrimp! I’m taller than you, RAT FEATURES!

Squall: (as Rat Kid) Take ya hat off POINTY!

Zell: (as Pointy-Hat kid) *sulks* Fine, you win…

"I'll let you see the show if you become my slave!"
"Well, whaddya say?"
[Choose between "Alright" or "N-No, I don't want to". Pick the first choice.]

Aeris: Slave? *Laughs* as if he’d fall for that! Black Mages are smart!

Carla: Uh, Aeris… apparently Black Mages aren’t as smart as what the legends made them out to be… well this one isn’t anyway…

Aeris: You mean he?

Carla: Uh huh

Aeris: Damn

"Awesome! Now for your first assignment!"
"You go stand over there and see if anyone's comin'!"

Squall: (as Rat Kid) …While I just sneak off and go home, you stand there all day…heh heh heh

[The Pointy-Hat Boy runs to the entrance of the alley and keeps a lookout. On the opposite side of the alley is the Rat Kid]

Rat Kid: "All clear?"
[Choose between "Yeah, it's clear" or "I think someone's coming". Pick the first choice.]

"Awesome! Engage according to mission parameters!"

Selphie: What’s with this guy and “awesome”?

Seifer: What’s with you and “WHOO HOO!”

*Selphie thunks Seifer over the head with Strange Vision*

Seifer: Oww… That… hurt! *rubs head with a pained look on his face*

[The rat kid runs up to the ladder, grabs it over his head, and runs off the screen]

Galia: Grabs it over his head?

Aeris: How about “Grabs it and puts it on his head”?

Galia: Much better

Rat Kid: "Over here!"
"Don't fall behind!"
"Into the steeple!"

Zell: NO! I’m falling behind into the steeple! AHH!

Seifer: Give up

Zell: NEVER!

[The Pointy Hat Boy follows him into the steeple]

Rat Kid: "Now we're gonna climb up this tower!"
"It's very dangerous. You go first."

Carla: Of course, what a gentleman.

[The black mage walks up to the ladder going up the steeple. He looks up, only to have a moogle fall down on him]

Zell: (as Pointy-Hat kid) Yuuuck… I think it was male…it T-bagged me…

All: YUUUUCK, ZELL!

Aeris: That was an image I could have done without, thank you.

"Oww!"

Rat Kid: "Ahahaha! What the heck was that!?"

Zell: (as Pointy-Hat boy) What are YOU so worried about?! It didn’t land ASS FIRST on YOUR head!

"Sorry ‘bout that, Kupo!"

Rat Kid: "That's Kupo. He's a moogle."

Tifa: Nah YA THINK?! What other extremely annoying white fluffy animal walks around saying “Kupo” all the fricken’ time?!

Selphie: A pokemon named Kupo? No…that can’t be right, I’m a pokemaster, I’d have it by now unless it’s, CELEBI!

"Kupo!"

Rat Kid: "And this is slave number one!"
"Try to get along, okay?"

Zell: (as Pointy-Hat Kid) NO! I hate moogles! Hmph!

"Kupo! Pleased to meet you!"

Kupo: "I sorry. I enter you in Moogle Diary!"

Galia : Moogles keep diaries? What the hell would they write?

Carla: My bet is on “Kupo, Kupo… Kupo!!”

"If you want to save game onto MEMORY CARD, just ask us moogles, Kupo!"

Tifa: Memory card? Uh oh, fourth-wall…

"And you can regain health if you have a Tent , Kupo!"
"You understand?"

Aeris: You know, I still don’t understand how sleeping in an Inn or Tent cures status effects and restores HP and MP…

[Choose between "I understand" or "Once more...". Pick the first choice]
"Glad I can help, Kupo!"

Squall: Help? Help do what exactly?

Rat Kid: "Alright, time for some upward mobility!"

Selphie: *clamps her hand over Seifer’s mouth* NO!!

Seifer: *gets down on his knees* Ohhhh please I’m on my knees begging you Selphie PLEASE! It’s practically giving it to me!

[Rat Kid climbs up the steeple ladder, with his ladder in hand]
"Okay, come on up, slave!"

Galia: (as Homer Simpson) Slave-girl, ohhh slave-girl! Get me some beer…

[A different-looking moogle walks onto the screen]


Zell: How the hell? The only way it looks different is because it’s dressed like a Roman reject!

Carla: And now, we endure the longest, most senseless moogle conversation in history!

"Kupo! You here?"

Kupo: "Kupo! Stiltzkin! Why that getup?"
"You leaving, Kupo?"

Stiltzkin: "Yeah, and this time I might be away for a long time."

Kupo: "I'll miss you, Kupo."

Stiltzkin: "Now, don't you worry. I'll write."

Kupo: "Okay, Kupo!"

Stiltzkin: "Well, I'm off. Take care!"
"Oh, and say hi to Mosh in the castle for me."

[Stiltzkin walks off screen the same way he walked on]

Seifer: With every other non-moogle creature snickering and smirking behind their hands?

Pointy-Hat Boy: "Was that a friend of yours?"

Kupo: "Yes, Kupo. A very special one, Kupo!!!"

Carla: (as Kupo) Very special, if you get my drift *circles finger around ear*

Rat Kid: "Hey, slave! I thought I ordered you up here!!!"

Seifer: (as Rat Kid) Yeah! Get your ass up here on a silver platter with an apple in your mouth!

[The Pointy-Hay Boy climbs up the ladder, coming face-to-face with the ladder-holding Rat Kid]

Squall: A scene I’d never want to live *shudders*

Rat Kid: "Alright, the play's gonna start if we don't hurry!"

[Next screen, Rat Kid is walking over rooftops. The black mage, afraid of heights, hesitates]

Rat Kid: "Come on! Get over here!"
"Lemme guess... You're afraid of heights, aren't you?" "It's okay! Just pretend

Seifer: that you can fly!

you're on the ground!"

[The Pointy-Hat Boy walks across a piece of wood to another rooftop]

"Come on, already! We're runnin' outta time!"

[The Pointy-Hat Boy comes to another piece of wood connecting two rooftops]

Rat Kid: "Not again..."
"Don't worry! It won't fall!"

Tifa: But of course, it does…

[As the Pointy-Hat Boy crosses the wood, it breaks and he jumps off at the last moment]

"Hahaha... I guess it fell."

Tifa: Told ya, true RPG-style.

"No point in worrying now, right?"

Zell: (as Point-Hat kid) What, that I almost ended up as black-splat on the pavement but I just made it in time? How the hell do I get back?!

Seifer: (as Rat Kid) Get back? Who said anything about going back? I just said I’d get ya there, heh heh heh…

[He follows the Rat Kid, and comes to another piece of wood]

Rat Kid: "Oh yeah, I almost forgot!"
"I don't even know your name!"

Seifer: (as Rat Kid) But Slave will do, c’mon Slave, ohhh Slave-Mage bring me some food…

*Cid Highwind, Red XIII and Cyan walk into the room*

Cid: (as Dr Nick) Hi everybody! I think Yuffie’s throwing up…

Red XIII: Yeah, let me guess, she was walking to fast? Ah ha ha

Galia: I guess I better go help Yuff, before she pukes all over my towels... Hi...I don’t think we’ve met, I’ll be riiiiiight back!

*Galia winks at Cyan, who is standing very quietly, nervously confused*

[Name the character "Vivi"]

Cid: The guy’s name is what???

Zell: Cool his name is TWELVE!

Aeris: No it’s not, his name is Vivi (vee-vee), V-i-v-i, and VIVI isn’t even a plausible Roman Numeral!

Zell: Like, as if Aeris, just cuz you died it’s not like you know all the answers to the universe!

Aeris: Oh, but I do… Chicken Wuss (laughs maniacally)

Zell: uh…oh…

Rat Kid: "So your name's Vivi, huh?"
"Kinda funny name..."
"My name's Puck! Pleased to meetcha!"

*Everyone’s eyes bulge as they roll on the floor laughing hysterically*

Tifa: I’d rather be named Vivi than PUCK… ah ha ha ha!!! Let’s go to the Hockey Game PUCK!

[You run across the rest of the rooftops, until you finally arrive at the outside of the castle's roof]

Cid: Outside the Castle’s roof…? Kooky…

Cyan: Thou plan on invading a castle… with their army?

Carla: No… just sneaking in to watch a play, no biggie, all the urchins are doing it!

Puck: "Whew... We finally made it!"

[He uses the ladder he was carrying to get from the last rooftop to a wooden platform right beside the castle]

"After this wall, we'll be inside the castle!"
"C'mon, let's go!"

[Vivi runs up the ladder and follows him]

Squall: (As Puck) Don’t worry, whatever you do, just don’t look down…

Zell: (as Vivi being Donkey) PUCK! I’m lookin’ down! *Vivi looks up* Oh My… I-I-I’m gonna keep lookin’ down!

[FMV. Night Time, and Alexandria castle, with the theatre ship stationed inside, is shown. The band is playing, and the audience is watching. Vivi and Puck run up, and start to clap. The face of Queen Brahne, fanning herself, is shown, followed by Garnet and a knight. Garnet looks a tad drowsy; the knight looks at her and smiles. He moves his sword forward, as the play starts. Fireworks and rambunctious music fill the air. Vivi and Puck look at it all with amazement. The knight looks at Garnet again, and his mouth opens with shock, as he sees Garnet practically falling asleep, eyes struggling to stay open. As the fireworks and music continue, the Queen is dancing around, out of her seat.]

Selphie: And what a horrible sight that must have been, poor, poor Steiner…

[Baku, dressed in a big robe, is in the centre of the stage]

Seifer: (grinning) It’d have to be a big robe…

"Ladies and Gentlemen!"
"Tonight's performance is a story that takes place long, long ago."
"Our heroine, Princess Cornelia, is torn from her lover, Marcus."

Zell: Ouch!

"She attempts to flee the castle, only to be captured by her father, King Leo."

Cyan: Huh? Does he not mean General Leo? The very one whom Kefka slaughters in FF6?

All the girls: SHHHH!

All the boys: ……?

"When our story begins, Marcus, having heard this, crosses swords with the King."

Red XIII: And they make hot-crossed buns and eat them with GODDAMN TEA!

*Cid glares at Red XIII*

Cid: (sweetly) Oh, Red, why don’t you come to my house after the movie and I will get Shera to make you a nice cup, huh? How about it?

Red XIII: Noooooooo way…

"And now, Your Royal Majesty, Queen Brahne, Your Highness, Princess Garnet..."

Seifer: Well at least SOMEONE can address royalty with the right titles…

*Cyan goes and sulks in the corner*

Cyan: I’m so ashamed…

"...noble ladies and lords, and our rooftop viewers, Tantalus proudly presents ‘I Want to Be Your Canary'!"

Seifer: Sing for me bitch, dammit sing!!! HARDER!!!

*Selphie makes to hit Seifer with the Strange Vision and he ducks*

[Scene changes to a backstage area, where Cinna, Zidane, and Blank are rehearsing their lines]

Blank: "Bereft of father! Bereft of mother!"
"Marcus! Thou hast lost even they love!"

Cinna: "Fortune hath escap'd thee!"
"For what end shalt thou live?"

Selphie: Geez, the thick phoney accents have no trouble flowing in theatre…

Zidane: "For the sake of our friend..."
"Let us bury our steel in the heart of the wretched King Leo!"

Cyan: Now where have I seen this before…?

Cinna & Blank: "Aye!"

Tifa: Aye ai ai! …Sorry, couldn’t control it…

Aeris: So you had to steal someone else’s line? What was wrong with ‘Aye Aye captain!’?

Tifa: Yeah, like that’s original *rolls eyes*

[The three of them run forward. On the stage, lightning is flashing, and the three of them join Marcus; standing in front of him is King Leo (Baku) flanked on either side by two soldiers]

Carla: Like, oww!

Blank: "We shall back thee, Kinsman!"

Marcus: "Pray, sheathe thy swords! This villain is mine alone!"

Cid: (as Marcus) He said he loved me and would be mine forever!

Cinna:P "Nay, Kinsman!"
"For I, too, have lost a brother to this fiend!"

Seifer: (as Cinna) You aren’t the only floozy he’s said that to ya know!

King Leo: "What ho? Out, vermin! Away!"

Zell: (as Puck) Hey? How’d you see me from down there?!

"Thou darest bare thy sword before the King!?"
"All who stand in my way will be crush'd!"

Cid: (smirking) he… heh heh heh…hahahahaha!

Aeris: (trying not to laugh) Shush!

Zidane: "Treacherous Leo, my Kinsman's suffering shall not be in vain!"
"For I shall instruct thee in his incomparable pain!"

Squall: (as Zidane) Why I talk with this cliched accent is one thing but why must I also talk in verse?

[Battle ensues: King Leo and his two soldiers vs. Zidane, Cinna, Marcus and Blank]

King Leo: "Arrg... Grrr..."
"Thou hast not seen the last of me, Marcus!"

Zell: (as Marcus) Please! Ahhh! No, put it back on!

Zidane: "Come back!"

[Tries to follow him, but Blank blocks the way]

Cid: (as Blank) Following him is just suicide man, don’t do it!

Zidane: "Out of my way, Blank!"

Seifer: Damn damn damn damn damn! Someone get me some real bullets!

Blank: "Consider this, Zidane! If Prince Schneider were to marry Princess Cornelia, peace would reign over both their kingdoms!"

Carla: And flood the Kingdoms so we have to evacuate to avoid the rising tides

Zidane: "‘Tis foolishness! If all were so easy, why, none would suffer in this world!"

Aeris: (as Blank) Yeah, but it’s a lot more fun if there was suffering in this world, makes for motivation to get me going in the morning

[A short swordfight ensues. Zidane says "Aha!", Blank goes "Mph!",

Carla: Zell goes “Thud!” when Seifer hits him

Aeris: Seifer goes “Aha!” when Squall’s being himself

Selphie: Squall goes “Uh huh…” when Cyan talks funny

Tifa: Cyan goes “Thou” a lot in normal conversation, even to Red XIII

Carla: Red XIII goes “Grrr” when Cid pulls his tail

All the girls: And Cid goes “ARGH! SHERA GET ME SOME GODDAMN TEA!”

Cid: (sarcastically) Yeah, that was so funny…

and it continues on a seperate screen]

Blank: "En garde!"

Zell: (as Blank, being Bugs Bunny) Two shae, kavioulei, soutsilia setsia aye au revoir zoot zoot!

Selphie: How old is that? I can’t believe you remembered that, the episode with the fat magician guy who makes blackberry pie with a white hanky…

Zidane: "Expect no quarter from me!"

Seifer: (as Blank) No I want HALF you idiot!

[Swordfight, where you control Zidane's moves]

Zell: Yeah! Just like Blitz, BUM RUSH!

Cyan: *Slyly eyeing Zell* I knew there was something familiar about you…

Zidane: "Come back here!"

Cid: (as Zidane) I ain’t finished with you yet! ARG!

Blank: "We shall finish this later!"

Carla: It’ll be cold by then, eat it while it’s still hot! Fine, I’m not cooking for you again…

[Both run off screen]

[The screen fades to black, as sounds of punches, along with "Doof!" and "Ungha!"-type exclamations are seen. When the screen fades into colour, Zidane and Blank are wearing the armour of two knights, who are lying down on the floor]

Zell: (as Blank) Hey, Look at this guy’s pink frilly underwear, heh heh, I’m gonna steal that too!

Seifer: (as Zidane) Don’t be ridiculous, pink is so NOT your colour, but when he comes too, ask him if they come in baby blue…

Blank: "Hehehe!"
"Finished changing, Zidane?"

Seifer: (as Zidane) Almost, just double checking the wallet and stuff for valuables…

Zidane: "Yeah, but this helmet..."
"It kinda smells..."

Seifer: (as Zidane) Dude, ever heard of deodorant!? Woof!

Blank: "What are you talkin' about!? My helmet totally reeks!"

Zell: (as Blank) Shouldn’t have had that extra chilli hotdog…*burp* urg

"My armor's way too big..."

Seifer: (as Zidane) Wanna swap? This armour is a little tight in the crotch, yeow!

"And my back's real itchy..."

Zell: (as Blank) I’m WEARING the damn flea collar so why are they still biting me!?! *scratches furiously*

"The boots are wet..."

Zell: (as Blank) Dude, you do NOT wanna know why I think they’re wet… do they give these guys bathroom breaks?

"My gloves are all slimy..."

Zell: (as Blank) Oh…no… *looks sick*

Seifer: (as Zidane) Say no more, I can pretty much guess what else, because I don’t think they wear socks… heh… you’d think Pluto Knights had at least some self control…*smirks*

"There's cookie crumbs in my pocket..."

Zell: (as Blank) *munching* Mmmm, want some?

Seifer: (as Zidane) You are one weird little dude…

Zidane: "Okay, I get the picture..."

Seifer: (as Zidane) Eww…unfortunately

"You still have the package, right?"

Zell: (as Blank) Package? What package?

Carla: My thoughts exactly

Blank: "Don't worry! I won't screw up!"

Seifer: (as Zidane) Heh heh heh… but you might throw up when I tell you what exactly is in those gloves and boots…

Zidane: "Alright! First, I'll go pour some sleep potion into Princess Garnet's teacup!"

Seifer: (as Zidane) I just gotta find the tea…

Aeris: That's actually not a bad idea *eyes a now nervous looking Cid*

Cid: (starting to shake) Don't do anything I wouldn't do, Aeris... Guys...

*All Housemates rub hands together and smirk evily at Cid*

Blank: "And I've got a special something for the lovely queen!"

Everyone: What?

[Walks over to the lying-down armour-stripped guards]

"Hehehe. They're sleeping so soundly!"

Zell: (as Blank) No one will ever know if I…

Seifer: (as Zidane) BLANK! Get away from those guards, now!

Zell: (as Blank) Awww...


INTERMISSION!



Carla: Well, how’s the first part going so far guys?

Seifer: S’ok, might get better with time, game progression...

Selphie: Better game altogether...

Squall: Better MSTers...

Everyone else in sync: HEY!

Carla: We weren’t doing so bad... *frowns* I’ll go get some snacks to help cheer up the group. *Disappears into kitchen* *Comes back out dragging a woman wearing a blue duster and a man with a purple body suit*

Squall and Seifer: RINOA?!

Tifa and Aeris: CLOUD?!

Carla: I found them in the pantry stuffing each others-– I mean their own faces. This should make the MSTing a little more, er enjoyable? *Sheepish grin*

Cid: All we need now if for some Turks and King Shit ShinRa himself here...

Carla: *Perky* That’s a really good idea now you mention it---

Cid: NONONONOOOOOOOO! BAD, BAD!! No evil Megalomaniac workers here! EVER!

Carla: *hanging up the phone* YEAH! They’ll be here in a few hours, ya know, give the MSTers a break, no one can keep up "teh funny" without a rotation...



Ch.2 10/12/03


***********1/6/02 Stick around, I'm not done yet...mwahahaha this is just the beginning, merely the first hour of the game... and we still have 3 disks plus the remaining 98% of disk one... bwahahaha......I might not be finished for a while... ^_^;
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