"Ten Things that Piss Me Off," by Adam Sandler

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is, buddy, where the heck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?
2. The Pillsbury Dough Boy is too happy, considering he has no penis.
3. People who are willing to get off their butts and search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
4. When people say, "Oh, you just want to have your cake and eat it too." What good is a cake if you can't eat it?
5. When people say, "It's alwasy in the last place you look." Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
6. When people say, while watching a movie, "Did you see that?" No you idiot, I paid $7.50 to come to the theater and stare at the frickin ceiling.
7. The radio ad that says, "Hi, I'm Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey Band. Don't drink and drive. I don't." Well, I hope you don't drive sober either Mr. Healey. You're blind!
8. People who ask, "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't give me a choice there, did ya there, buddy?
When something is "new and improved." Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If there's an improvement, there must have been something before it.
10. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you knew how fast you were going. You should know! You're the one who pulled me over!