1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping."
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(Evidently, the shoplifter special.)
3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how...?)
4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost."
(But it's *just* a suggestion.)
5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down."
(DOH! too late!)
6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
(Ouch!)
8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this
medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
head-colds off those forklifts.)
9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(One would hope.)
10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to what?)
11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts."
(No way! It can't be true!)
13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: Choose another airline.)
14. On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company, I blame parents for this one.)
15. On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Was there a chance of this happening somewhere? Good grief.)
16. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid: "Do not use on food."
(Hey, Mom, we're out of syrup! It's okay honey just grab the Palmolive!)
17. On a tube of Crest Toothpaste: "If swallowed contact poison control."
(Oh please. Have you ever heard about someone dying from swallowing a little toothpaste?)
18. On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent: "Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine."
(Hey no more swimming in the washing machine kids.)
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