More Dirty Jokes
Three guys are in a strip club. One guy walks over to a stripper, licks a 50 dollar bill and sticks it to one side of her butt.
The next guy doesn't want to be shown up so he takes a 100 dollar bill, licks it, and sticks it to the other side of her butt.
The third guy doesn't want to be shown up but he doesn't have any money. He thinks for a moment and suddenly he gets an idea. He walks over to the stripper, takes out his ATM card, slides it down the crack of her ass, takes the 150 dollars and goes home!
In the middle of an international gynecology conference, an English and a French gynecologist are discussing various cases they've recently treated.
French Gynecologist : "Only last week, zer was a woman who came to see me, and 'er cleetoris - eet was like a melon."
English Gynecologist : "Don't be absurd, it couldn't have been that big, my good man, she couldn't have been able to walk if it was."
French Gynecologist : "Aaah, you eenglish, zer you go again, always talkeeng about ze size... I was talkeeng about ze flavor..."
A cucumber and a pickle were having a conversation. The pickle said to the cucumber, "I got it bad man evertime I get big, fat, and juicy I get seasoned and put in a jar."
The cucumber said to the pickle, "Well everytime I get big, fat, and juicy I get chopped up and put over salad."
The penis is walking by and overhears them and says, "I got it worse than you both. When I get big, fat, and juicy I get put in a dark, smelly room and they make me do pushups so many times that I throw up."
Two construction workers were working on the 30th floor. Suddenly one of them had to piss. The other guy agreed to hold on to him while the first guy leaned out a window. Just then the dinnerbell sounded and the guy who was holding the other one completely forgot about holding on and ran down to get his food.
On the 20th floor he was stopped by his boss, who asked if the guy that he worked with was gay. "Why do you ask?" he said.
"Because a minute ago he came flying past my window with his dick in his hand asking, 'Where the fuck did that ASSHOLE go?'"
Grandma went into Victoria's Secret and wanted to buy some fancy new panties. The saleslady talked her into buying a real nice bright red crotchless pair. Grandma put them on and waited for grandpa to come home.
When grandpa came home, grandma was all laid out upon the bed and pointed down to the new crotchless panties she had on. She said, "Come on grandpa, you want some of this?"
Grandpa said, "Hell no, woman. It done ate a hole in your drawers!"
A man who was a little slow was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. When he does this, she lets out a sigh. The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction.
The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan. From this, the doctor suggests that the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed.
The man goes in, then comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happened to which the man replies, "She choked."
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