Jesse
they saw that something was amiss. Pulling into the Stein's driveway, near the back door by which their close friends are wont to enter, they beheld Brad, lying face down in the snow. Anyone familiar with him understands that this is his way, and so they thought, merrily greeting him with cries of, "Shiver me timbers Barabbus!", "Bradley!" and "Whazzaaa!" through confused chuckles and laughter.

Then, Jesse noticed it...his shoes were on.

"Barabbus, what's with the shoes?" he asked, cheeks tight in amusement. "Hey Zen master Braddeus, you gonna talk?" he pressed, still smiling.
Elisia was uneasy. "I think there's something wrong with him".

Elisia
"I would have to agree. Braddeus... with shoes on?!?! This is a conundrum..." "Fear not! For there is Ben in the window! And there is Jess, and they are married and this is their house." Exclaimed Elisia in such excitement that she nearly tripped over Brad with shoes on. "Maybe we should take Brad to the hospital first, don'tcha think?"

Jesse
Vexed at Elisia's use of the word conundrum, Jesse flipped open his dictionary and found the definition, "a riddle". Of course, he new it more or less from the context clues, but this was a trifle. "Um Jesse? This is no time for vocabulary..." said Elisia, exasperated. "Oh, right the hospital. No, I don't think that's going to be necessary..." With that he yanked the shoes off Brad's crusty yellow, calloused feet. Brad gagged and sputtered, reeling with racking coughs, snot dangling from his nostrils. "Guys! GET OUT OF HERE! Those people aren't who you think!" "Too late," gloated the seemingly benign voice of the male imposter of our slightly chubby, jolly friend, Ben. "This is Ren and Bess and you in our house now foo!"

Elisia
The three looked at Ren, who had a seemingly large object in his hands, then at each other. The curiosity of just what this object might be had them in a cemented trance. "What do you think that could be?" announced Jesse in a very monotone voice. Not noticing any difference in the voice of Jesse from any other day, Brad gaily replied, "well I think its a... plunger!" Jessie, out of the trance by this time upon knowing what this not so foreign object was, stood in awe at how Braddeus was somehow unchanged by what had "zombied" the Elisia and himself.

Jesse
Jesse turned to Elisia, perplexity etched across his face. "A plunger?" By this time, she had snapped out of her stupor as well. "Yeah..." Ren spoke again. "That's right, and trust me, you don't want to test its fury. Now, we can do this the easy way or the hard way!" "Do what?" cried Jesse in frustration and alarm. "You know...the rolos..."

Elisia
In the quandary over the use of rolo as a verb instead of an anagram, Jesse entered a state of ponder. "I thought rolo was when you are in an instant messenger conversation that is really funny an you actually laugh out loud instead of laughing on the inside and just writing lol." "Ohhhh, you have been sorely mistaken I think!" Replied Braddeus, looking around for a tree to climb. "I mean… the rolls… not... *ahem*... rolos." stuttered Ren. The trio tried not to laugh..

Mike
Mike pulled up, styling his flashy red geo (cough). Upon noticing his friends held at umm.... plunger point, he leapt out of the car, and hopped over the flimsy wooden fence. "Put down the plunger and step away!" Mike said, slowly moving towards Ben or Ren (whichever). Suddenly, Ben made his move...

Elisia
Jessie, Braddeus, and Elisia were aghast at the sight of Mike's car in perfect working condition, and shiny nonetheless! The quickly shift their attention to the plunger at hand, however, and decide to ask mike about the mint condition of his car later. "En guard Geoman!" "Hey! That's Mike to you! You can't stop me!" As Ren thrusts his plunger at Mike's head,

Mike
Brad winces as the first blow falls. Mike stumbles backwards, off balanced by the force of the attack, managing to retort; "Ha! Blocked it with my head!". Shaking his head to clear the fog, Mike looks up to see Ren bearing down upon him with another furious attack. "Now Jesse!" Mike yells, as Jesse pulls out of nowhere a plunger, and throws it to Mike, who steps to one side, and blocks Ren's thrust. Ren fury however, is no match for Mike's plunger skills, and he is quickly pressed back till he is against the large oak. Between clashing blows, Mike growls; "Yarrr... I be famous for me plunger skills!" Straining against the power of Ren's press, Mike can no longer hold his ground. Looking to the side, desperate for help, Mike finds all his friends surrounding his car oohing and aahhing. "Hey!" He yells, some help here? The disgruntled at having to stop looking at Mike's car turn to swashbuckling scene behind them....

Elisia
Using his super-determination and Red-Rover skills obtained in the X games, Jessie flew to the scene of where minutes before Braddeus lie helplessly in the snow. Picking up the nearly new shoes off the ground, Jesse launched one to Brad and one to Elisia. "I refuse to wear this, my brother Jesse!" Exclaimed Braddeus. "THROW IT AT REN!!" Shouted Elisia, in much exasperation that plungers could cause such a ruckus.

Mike
Faltering from a barrage of shoes, Ren falls back a step, throwing of his attack. Mike jumps back, sliding next to his friends. "Great Idea Elisia!" Mike grins, and turns to Jess and Brad. "Ok, let's get it on guys." Jessie produces another two plungers, as Elisia looks on dumfounded. "Where are you getting all those plungers from!?" she asks, only to receive a shrug as Brad says "Hey, he's Jess!" Ren looks over to see two new opponents, but unfazed, drops into a defensive position. In perfect unison, the three muskeplungers swing into action. A Star Wars light saber like battle ensues, as the three, thrust, block, and parry the fury of Ren’s attacks....

Elisia
As all this commotion takes place about Elisia, she turns to see if she could be of any use to those three plungekateers against the evil Ben Stein clone. Looking about, she peers into the window of the Stein abode. There she sees a short little woman holding a short little cat in her arms, petting it with her short little arm. "Hey guys, who's that short little woman standing in the window?" asked Elisia with augmented curiosity. "Cannot you see that we are busy here?" Exclaimed all four plunger partakers... in unison... in pause. "Oh, sorry" The short little woman looked a short little ways down and glared a short little glare...

Jesse
"Recognize me?" queried Bess tauntingly and sardonically all at once. "Well, you look sort of like Bess," replied Elisia feebly. "Quick-witted little girl," she spat sarcastically. She then produced a big, black, shiny preacher Bible -- or what appeared to be so. Elisia stared on in wonder. "Yes, prophecy my pretty," cackled Bess, her persona undergoing a visible transformation. Elisia caught the inscription on the cover of the great book out of the corner of her eye..."Nether-dimensional Holy Babble". "What?" Elisia hadn't meant to speak but her puzzlement pushed her past silence. And this Steven King - like narrative left off, disjointed and begging for resolution, to be resolved by are next bold adventurer.

Brad
As Elisia looked on in a silence brought on by witnessing the utterly unknown, Bess cracked open the gold-trimmed pages of the Babble. As the pages separated, an ethereal nothing slid out and out of Elisia's vision. Elisia blinked, unsure if what she had seen was real. A plunger flew in front of her face, and she was momentarily distracted. When she looked again, Bess, the nothing, and the Babble were all gone. Elisia turned her attention again to the fight, but what she thought she'd seen seemed to gnaw at her soul. What exactly was going on here? And where are the real Ben and Jess? And why plungers?! These questions and more danced to the sounds of heroic music in her head.

Elisia
In fact, this music was so heroic in her head that she started to dance a quite heroic dance. Unbeknownst to the plungekateers, this Battle Hymn of the Republic was playing in their heads too. In fact, the sound was emanating from the sky! "Hey guys, where is that music coming from?" shouted Elisia. Before given a rebuttal she apologized for once again interrupting their duel. "HEY GUYS!!!! WE CAME BACK A LITTLE EARLY!!!" Cried 2 voices in unison from the clouds. Why, it was none other than the red barons from good 'ol Spokane Washington!

Jesse
The youth group’s visage was alighted at the sight of the returning legends -- particularly Jesse and Mike M who were plunging for all their worth. "Well you guys are no fair weather friends, that's for sure," deadpanned Jesse. His comment was ill timed, for it provided Ren a critical moment to strike. Fortunately for Jesse, it was a fleeting opportunity, for Mike's plunger puckered to Ren's cushy cranium, quite unceremoniously. Ren was able to free himself before any critical damage was done, but it was evident that damage was dealt from the trickling toilet grime on his hazed face.

Brad
As Ren staggered less than gracefully into his Tortoise On a Leaf stance, apparently unbeknownst to the rest of the self-proclaimed plungekateers, Braddeus snuck off out of the heat of the fray. A cowardly lion was he? Of course not: he just needed a tissue to wipe his nose. As he sneakily traversed the sidewalk to the house, blending with the shadows (mmm, shadow puree), he bumped into something distinctly tangible. Surprised, he jumped back and felt the need, the need to sneeze. With this opportunity presenting itself at such an appropriate time, Braddeus could do no less than take advantage of it. He whirled with the pressure building in his nasal cavity, sucking air into his lungs synchronously....

Jesse
As he was about to expel his slather of mucus and saliva, a figure emerged from behind him. "Hey buddy, want a Kleenex?" the stranger offered. Brad studied the features of the unknown person. He looked quite amiable and dapper, attired in a business-like navy blue suit: a white collared shirt underneath a sports jacket with like-colored slacks a lustrous, matching tie, and shiny dress shoes. His hair was mid-length, dark yet not quite black, and his bangs were combed slightly back off his forehead. He had a pair of intelligent, slightly sunken, passionate eyes separated by a proportional nose above a mild jaw. Brad could see faint bristles -- not quite side-burns -- tapering down the sides of his face to the beginning of his jaw. The stranger was smiling, revealing a set of perfect white teeth. Brad inferred that he was probably the type of man that women find attractive (the author doesn't want to sound gay now). "Dude, I find your sudden appearance and offer of Kleenex a little weird...no offense," said Brad with an ambiguous grin that could be interpreted as a sign of annoyance or skeptical interest. The handsome man still wore the smile. It was a somewhat cheesy smile, yet it appeared genuine. He was apparently unfazed by Brad's blunt response. "Sorry bud, it just looked like you could use it. By the way--" "What is that?" Brad interjected, throwing his long pointer finger at the most peculiar sight he had ever seen. A thin, opaque, siliconic mass swirled like a heterogeneous concoction. It was roughly spherical and almost without any visible depth, save this perpetual undulation coursing through it. The strapping stranger answered, still with what was becoming his trademark smile. "That's my ride. I've come a pretty long ways to talk to you bud."

Elisia
"Well, who are you?" Inquired Braddeus. "I have come to help. You see-" But before the kind sir could explain himself, a plunger came out of NOWHERE and suctioned squarely on his forehead. "Whoa, did you see that??" Exclaimed Mike Milligan. "That was a genuine half twist double flush thrust! I can't believe it, I've never seen one of those done with such precision!" "Why, thank you Mike," retorted Jesse with a bit of an air about him. "I have practiced many a hours with my siblings, but to no avail. Finally the move has been mastered!" "Uh, hey guys…" Chimed Elisia, "You guys didn't get REN, you hit this kind sir!" Just at this moment Mike and Dan decided to...

Sara K
Mike and Dan decided to take the opportunity to announce their presence, and point out how very ineffective a single Kleenex would be in dealing with the mass amounts of ooze just waiting to explode from Brad's nostrils anyway. As the guys commenced in a heated discussion about the superior holding power of quilted Bounty paper towels, Elisia drifted off in her own train of thought. Thinking to herself, she noticed a strange change in the music coming from the sky. It seemed to be strange techno remix of Enya, Italian Reggae, and the Newsboys' song, "Spirit Thing." "Hey guys?" Elisia inquires. "Is it just me or does this sound an awful lot like-" "Sara Knight?" a new voice finished. Sara raises herself out of the hole she had tunneled from her house to the Stein yard. "Your mom put you under house arrest again?" asked Elisia. Sara nods and shrugs. The handsome stranger, blinded by the plunger on his face and doing his best to get it off, fell into one of the shrubs in the Stein's side yard at the moment, and proceeded to fumble about, making muffled grunting sounds. Elisia took pity and went to help him remove it, while Sara sprinted to warn the guys of the re-oriented Ren fast approaching. "I do NOT watch Martha Stewart!" exclaims Mike Payne, just as she gets there. Sara raised an eyebrow, but did not comment. "Shouldn't we do something about him?" she gestured at Ren. "Do you have a plunger?" Jesse asked. "No, I have something better." Sara pulled two flyswatters out of her back pocket in triumph. "Yaaaar! Not that again!" grumbled Mike Milligan. "Would someone do something about my nose?" Brad yelled skyward. Dan looked from Ren to Brad, back to Ren, formulating a plan in his head....

Elisia
Recalling his master kenpo skills, Dan kicks and chops and all that stuff and after the entanglement ends up with Ren's plunger. As Brad is squinting and trying to hold back his sneeze with all his might, Dan triumphantly plunges the plunger over Brad's mouth to catch the imminent snot blast. "Hmm, that's funny" Braddeus proclaimed, muffled, of course, "I don't have to sneeze anymore. Hey, that's a pretty cool method Dan. Now, can you please take this plunger off my fa-" And as Dan obeyed his fellow brethren, and quickly pulled off the suction, Brad could not help but sneeze. Now, this was no sneeze of a lamb, this was the sneeze to end all sneezes. In fact, the aftermath of this sneeze spread throughout the entire Stein yard, freezing everybody in astonishment that something so boisterous could come of such a subdued being. "BESS, ABANDON SHIP!!" Ren was frantically darting his eyes about looking for his wife (or so led to be believed that it was his wife), when his eye stopped on the kindly good sir who offered Brad a Kleenex previously and who was now using the Kleenex to clean up the aftermath that had landed upon his face.

Mike
"Um, I think we're in trouble!" Brad mumbled, but others were so involved they weren’t paying attention to Brad's wise words of warning. Meanwhile, the slick looking guy thrashing around in the Stein shrubs, had managed to free himself from the deathly grip of the plunger. He stood up, brushed his suit off, and looked towards the gathering group of friends. Brad, being the only one paying attention to all this, heard the man grumble under his breath; "Foiled by a plunger! What is this world coming to? Can't even carry out a simple plot for world domination!" Meanwhile, Ren upon sneaking up on the group grabbed Mikey around the neck. Mikey hollered out; "Hot Tamale!" before he was stopped by Ren. The attention of the Youth Group was quickly redirected towards Ren and the man in the suit. The suave figure begins to glow with an eerie blue light, as he lifts his arm. "How could you see through my perfectly crafted plan? Ren was a perfect double for the real Ben who I have captive! And you shattered my calm ladies man facade instantly!" He waved his pulsating hand, and Ren stepped back to his side, holding the kicking and squirming Mikey "Good Bye for now." He said as a flashing portal opened behind the two. "Ben and Mike are only the beginning! MUWAHAHA...*cough*...erm, just hold that earlier thought." Dan stepped forward, with an anxious look on his face. "Guys we gotta do something..."

Brad
Time seems to slow down in the illustrious Daniel Milligan's mind in a Matrix/Action Man-esque fashion as his impossibly speedy thoughts crash through a mental block and speed toward his inevitable conclusion. Noting the giant tree, a disembodied fence stake, Mike's flashy Metro, Ren's wavering cranium, and Brad's fluctuating olfactory booger factory, Dan's mind, now almost a separate entity, integrates a few functions, calculates some relative masses and basicities, and spins into action. Apologizing profusely to Mike, Dan jumps up off the giant tree, whirls into a spin kick that sends the stake into Mike's front tire - "Aww man, I just got this thing on the road too!" - effectively turning Ren's attention away from the fight, and finishes his spin kick with a gentle nudge to Brad's spine. Braddeus’ nose changes direction by a degree and propels a wad of membrane and phlegmy snot three meters into Ren's waiting ear. Before anyone can complain about the blatant use of the metric system, the shear force of the blow impels the bolus-like mass through Ren's ear canal all the way up to his cuisanart (sp?) bone, effectively removing Ren's sense of balance. The dapper gentleman could not keep up his elaborate facade any longer. A grimace passed his face; "you may have defeated my lackeys, but my champion will prove to be more of a challenge, I think". All three of the clearly evil beings seemed to fade from sight - until the only their shadows were left - and then those seemed to warp and twist and grow grotesque appendages. Finally, the shadows slithered away almost too quick for the eyes of the friends to register. Jesse and Mike brushed themselves off and joined the others. Brad blew his nose again, clearly shaken. The quiet that surrounded them was in harsh contrast to the previous conflict. "I'm not really sure what we should do now," said Elisia, breaking the silence, "It's clear that we're up against something quite out of our league." "Well." Mikey P emerged with Dan from around the house, "I think that we should probably check on the real Ben and Jess. They might be in trouble." The group wasn't sure what to expect inside as they approached the familiar screen door...

Mike
Jessie, plunger in hand, entered the abode first. "Well guys, all of our shoes and coats seem to already be in here... I don't know about you, but I wasn't here before I got here!" The group was dumbfounded at the profound thinkings of Jessie. Standing there perplexed, finally Dan spoke. "Hey guys, let's go in. I'm kinda standing outside still and it’s a bit chilly!" In matter-of-fact concurrence, everyone gathered into the kitchen. "Don't you think we should have a plan...?" Chimed the oh so practical Elisia ;) Brad exclaimed with exuberance, "Well, I think we should..."

Jesse
"...Consider ways to negotiate this situation with the power of Wicca," came a serpentine voice from the stairwell, finishing Brad's sentence. "Yes, the power of agnosticism," annotated Jesse, sarcastically. Brad chuckled at that wit while others scratched their heads over the definition of agnosticism -a simple derivate of agnostic, but alas, youth cherish language so little today. Ben emerged around the corner; hands folded at his waist, carrying himself like the counselor of a medieval court, or a druid intent on his profound, somber purpose. A pentacle dangled from his thin neck that served as the pedestal for a gaunt, dark-featured face. Reader be not deceived, for this Ben was no menacing figure. Perhaps there was a subtle menace there, but the feeling he evoked was more of a mixture of slight mischief and intrigue.

Brad
"Well," quoth Brad, "I wasn't gonna say that exactly, but.........no! What are you on? And are you really Ben, or a different Ben from the.... oh! That Ben - I understand now. I'm sorry, I was disrespectful and that was uncalled for." "I'm sorry too," apologized Elisia redundantly, "but I was wondering what exactly you are doing in Ben's house?" Before Ben could reply, the group's attention was drawn to an ethereal light that had begun pulsing in the living room. As the light gradually became brighter Dan had to wonder: "What earthly being or object creates such beauty?" Before everyone could yell at the narrator for mis-creating Dan's dialogue, another visitor stepped around the corner, clad in a full-length, Asian-style gown. (And so the ingress of so many characters started to give this story the feeling of a Tolkien epic.) As everyone stared at her immaculate beauty, her voice traversed the distance between them.

Dan
"What do you punks think you’re doing in my palace? You already smashed up my royal Kmart footstool by sitting on it, and you have the gall to come before the presence of Chinese elf Ping???" She stepped towards the group with a menacing look on her radiant face, bringing to Dan's mind memories of watching Lord of the Rings between two rather jumpy girls. Her full-length embroidered cheongsam fitted with ne'er a wrinkle, and it was obvious that she knew much about the situation. The entire group simultaneously wondered how to get on the elf's good side, because the curvy dagger she held up was not exactly inviting... But lo! What smell comes in through the kitchen door!? Unmistakably burned three-ingredient instant goof proof brownies- the bearer's identity was most obviously Mike and Dan's favorite sister... but did she bear good news? Passing gracefully through the group bearing her scorched treasure came Esther, and laid it before the Chinese elf Ping. The elf's demeanor was completely changed

Brad
"Well!" quoth the eastern clad elf, "I was just about to use this knife on all you intruders, yet here you are, back on my good side. As we all know, it is the thought that counts in these situations and I could really go for some delectable charcoal brownies anyway. Here Mike, you can cut the brownies." Without another word, the slender dagger cut a speedy swath through the air toward the unsuspecting Mike. Since everyone else had been fooled by the carefully veiled sarcasm in the elf's voice, it was almost too late before Jesse threw his prozaque-enhanced reflexes into action. Unfortunately, he was not altogether quick enough, and Mike retained a graze on his left shoulder. The group's faces registered shock and dismay at the near fatal accident. They turned as one to the elf, anger beginning to show on their faces. The elf's plot foiled, she caught herself quickly enough to retain a semblance of grace. "I am so sorry! I must have been too excited by the thought of those brownies - here, Ben, could you go get a bandage from the bathroom." "Oh course mistress," said Ben, hurrying back up the stairs.

Recalling from her vast knowledge of Monty Python lore the ultimate question, Sara faced the fiend calmly and asked "What is the average airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?" Stumped, just like the bridge keeper of The Holy Grail, the most amazing change began to come over the elf, as the others watched in awe...

Elisia (I think)
Actually, nobody watched in awe because they were still in Ben and Jess' attic racking their own brains for a plan, but what happened was still truly amazing. A purple aura was emitting from her clothing as she reached back her slender arm to the back of her head, and unzipped herself, and out came a plump old monk man. "African or European?" inquired the happy little man in a British accent. Mike gave him a weird look as he began to raise his foot and give the man a good pop in the mouth, when Sara's hysterical laughing cracked him up. The two comrades couldn’t help but rolo, and roll while they rolo-ed, as if just plain old rolo was not enough. Then, Josiah ran downstairs with Seth quickly on his heels. "Sara!!" shouted Seth, "Sara, look! Sara!" Sara quickly glanced in the direction of Seth's peanut butter covered finger. Then she quickly double took.
"Hey Mike… Uh, we better stop laughing..."

Mike
Then Mike lunged at the old wrinkly man, who let out a cackling laugh. In an instant he was bouncing across the neighborhood with Mike in close pursuit yelling: "Hey, come back here you old man!" With a well-timed jump Mike managed to come down out of the air almost on top of the old man. But with a flick of the wrists, the geezer tosses Mike through the air, where he comes grinding to halt tearing up roof tiles. As Mike sits up he rubs his head. "What’d ya do that for!?” he whined before jumping up and flipping over the head of a raging panda swinging towards him. Seth dove forward hands first apparently trying to get to the toy toy in the back of the room. "Incoming!" Sara yelled as with a deft movement she twisted out of the peanut buttered baby's path Brad jumped, lifting his feet into a ninja position, elevating high above Seth. Jessie jumped to one side narrowly avoiding the charging mass of baby and peanut butter. Dan, thinking on his feet, flipped up grabbing Elisia in the process, and pulling the both of the too safety. Mike however was still laughing at the funny old man was obviously not paying attention to the incoming disaster. With a squish, Mike was again lying on the floor, but this time covered in peanut butter. As the others laughed at the very comical situation, the little old man cleared his throat, catching the attention of the group. "You need to rescue a friend eh?" he said raising an eyebrow. "Yes" Elisia spoke, "His name is Mikey, he was abducted, and we are trying to get him back." The old man smiled I have the solution, but it will be dangerous. Jesse stepped forward "Nothing is too dangerous to get Mikey back!” With a chorus of shouts, the group affirmed his decision. "Then" said the old man "step through this portal, through it you will reach your friend." With a defined step the Dan moved towards the opening portal. - The group is seen moving into the portal with cool lighting effects, and scary music - As they emerged to the other side, they stared in awe at the new surroundings they had entered. It is a mud caked town, with buildings old, and worn down by sands. "Uh guys?" Dan asked as he looked down at the new equipment he was wearing, "are you guys wearing the same thing I am?" A quick glance up proved his question true. The group is outfitted in chamo, with slandered equipment for your average Navy seal. Elisia looked at her plans sheet again, then shrugged, throwing the sheet over her shoulder. As it dropped to floor a shot cracked air, followed by a number of others. The dirt in front of the group sprayed as more bullets flew at them. "Run for cover!" Brad yelled, waving towards a large building just to the right. The group began running low, with bullets whizzing through the air...

Brad
Brad was almost too intrigued by his surroundings to follow his own orders. Luckily he did in the end, lunging after the others as a bullet ripped through the edge of his pack, mercifully missing his skin. Now, in relative safety, he walked over to the others where Jesse already had a theory going out. "I think this could be the manifestation of our thoughts or perhaps our obsessions - in fact, it could be a reality created by figments of our past. For instance, this desert scene looks a lot like 'dust', the counterstrike map, and the fact that we all look like counter terrorists hasn't escaped any of our notice, I think. Now, if this is the case, I'd think that we're all in mortal danger at this point." "Well," Dan replied, "that sounds feasible, but the question is - how do we escape the danger? If I remember correctly, we have to keep a bomb from being set in the original 'dust', is that so here too? - And what then? Do we continue to someone else's previous obsession? Brad, you were once obsessed with the medieval times - Celtic lore and all that, right? According to this, we could find ourselves in Ynys Prydain, on a quest to defeat Nudd, Lord of Annfwn." "I suppose that's possible," said Jesse, "I think we should at least try to complete the objective laid out before us - maybe after that, things will become more clear." "But what about Mikey?" exclaimed the Saras in unison. "I suppose we'll find him on the way," said Mike, "or perhaps he's the prize at the end." "Well, hey, let's get going then,” said Elisia; already refitting her MP5 with tranquilizer darts.

Sara K
Sara K looked at Elisia in astonishment. Firstly, because guns of any kind just didn't seem to be Elisia's thing, and secondly, because she couldn't figure out what good tranquilizer darts would do. She was also rather baffled how the other Sara square root showed up in Brad's post without being mentioned before. Sara K shrugged, and shouldered her grenade launcher/machine gun. The group began to walk, doing their best to stay quiet and avoid the occasional shower of bullets and shrapnel. Sara C broke the nervous silence by starting to hum music from Lord of the Rings. Brad looked at her, contemplating, and was the first to speak. "Uh, Jesse...if you're right...following Dan's line of thinking...we might be in troub-" He was cut off as the world around them began to spin. After several moments of weightlessness, they landed on their backs in a strangely familiar forest. Sara C had already disentangled herself from the underbrush, and was happily frolicking around the forest. She stopped suddenly to pick up something small, shiny, and gold, and the others looked at her. "Sometimes" she said breathlessly, "I like Gandalf..." A thundering of hooves became louder from beyond the tree line. Dan's head snapped back in Sara C's direction, and it dawned on him what she was holding, and what that might mean.

Dan
Obviously, the shining object was none other than the invisibility necklace from the book series "The Sword of Gebura" Dan of course realized this instantly, and with a sinking feeling also realized that the hoof beats were of flatfoot nick's black steed- and if anybody besides Dan has read the books, they know that flatfoot Nick means danger. Elisia had not read the book, but she knew that hoof beats from black horses meant bad guys. As nick came flying between two trees, an evil grin on his face, Elisia whipped out her tranq-loaded mp5, aimed, and pegged him quickly with a three shot burst to the forehead. The power of the hits knocked the evil man off of his horse, and hitting the ground hard, he disappeared. As the scenery began to whirl again, Mike stated that he was beginning to feel like Polly and Digory in that C.S. Lewis book.

Mike
Through the light mist, and calm of a serene forest, the sound of fast moving footsteps came louder, increasing as a nearby falcon took flight from it's nesting branch. Mike, running low and hard came skidding around the tree, and pressed his back against it. He slowly looked around the corner, only to move quickly back as an arrow imbedded itself in the tree with a hollow thunk. There was no noise from behind him, yet another arrow sunk into the tree. Without looking back, Mike was off again speeding through the forest, the trees racing by. Out of nowhere, a clearing opened up, and Mike skidded to halt in the center, turning to survey behind him. As he turned, a group of tall thin figures detached from the shadows, and began moving towards him. Mike turned, preparing to run again, but stopped suddenly upon seeing the approaching men armed with bows on his rear too. He dropped his hand to his sword, grimacing at the sight of so many, and then turned as he heard a harsh, almost whispered voice. "Give up, you are surrounded." Mike gritted his teeth knowing the hopeless situation he was in. "Your friends are dead!" The sly looking man spoke again. A wave of disbelief passed over Mike's face, but unspeaking, he slowly drew his sword. The dark clad man raised his arm. "Very well then, you will die also!" The surrounding archers stretched their bows, the arrows quivering with unreleased power. Dropping back, Mike prepared to receive the deadly volley. As the dark man dropped his hand, there was a shout from above. A soaring figure dropped to the ground in front of Mike. There was the flash of a blade, and the arrows deflected into the air. "Jesse!" Mike exclaimed with wonder. Jesse looking over his shoulder grinned. "You know none of these deadbeats can take us out!" The surrounding ring of archers, confused by the newcomer, began moving back towards the woods. "And they should start right about now." Jesse said, as with a rush Brad burst out of the foliage swinging a huge sword at least his size. The black clad archers put up little, resistance. Upon seeing the arrival of three others, armed and ready, the dark band, wavered, then broke, and fled into the shadows. "You owe us Mike" Elisia said as she approached. "When we got split up after the portal opened up again, the rest of us managed to find each other." Sara stepped forward "If we hadn't followed those punks, we never would have found you." Mike frowned. " I don't even know who they were. When I dropped in they had no reason to attack me the way they did. Unless they were sent..." Brad swung his massive sword over his shoulder. "Well think about it guys, we were sent here to rescue Mikey, and so far we have been through a number of different environments, with different challenges. Do you think this has something to do with the rescue?" "First things first guys." Dan said. "We need a place we can stay the night." The group soon had a fire started, and were gathered around. Then conversation about the situation began...

Dan
Esther ripped the bloodstained sleeve off of Mike's tunic. Apparently one of those arrows had made it past Jesse. She swabbed his wound with the fabric, and stood up to look for something to tie it with. Jesse poked at the fire with a long stick; the others all sat watching, orange light flickering on their faces. Brad broke the silence "Tomorrow we should spread out and get a good idea of the geography of this area." Mike added, "I'm at least glad for this temperate weather...I think its a sort of a summer" Dan leaned over to Mike, "Considering what we just drove off, we had better keep watch tonight - I'll take the first watch, you take second. He gave a small nod of affirmation. The group settled in around the fire, and finally relaxed their weary bodies.

Morning light full on Brad's face broke through the thick wall of sleep, and he got up from the ground, dusting himself off. Seeing the area revealed for the first time in daylight, he noticed something that looked like stone spires a ways off over the tops of the tall green trees surrounding the clearing, a couple miles to his estimation. "I wonder what those are" Brad jerked his head around to see Mike, who was staring at the spires. "Man you scared me, I didn’t see that you were up!" Brad said. "Yea I kept watch last night with Dan" Mike replied. "Those things… they look like part of a temple or something... my guess is that anything we are going to find in this place will be there. Or at least the next step of the journey." Dan walked up from behind them and took place next to the two. As the sun rose higher in the sky, the three of them stared up towards the mysterious stone spires.

Brad
Brad looked around, noting the sleepy heads still resting comfortably on the springy moss beds they had found the night before. Aside from himself, Mike, and Dan, the party consisted of four other adventurers that he could see. Interestingly, they were all girls. The egress of Mikey to the unknown realms had left the guys outnumbered. Elisia, Sara K, and Esther all slept peacefully, but Sara C seemed a bit ethereal. Not really knowing how to describe it, Brad called Dan over from his revelry, "Hey, Dan, what's going on with Sara C? She sort of looks like she's part of the landscape here, doesn't she?" "Now that you mention it, she does look a little bit mergy," said Dan. Brad knew that mergy wasn't a word, but instead of commenting on it, he turned to more pressing matters, "Well, perhaps it's just the early morn. The other explanation - that she is part of this place, created by our imaginations because she fits wherever we are, seems a bit too hard to swallow. Come to think of it though, I didn't see her back in reality." "I don't think that's turning to more pressing matters, Brad," Mike complained. He had come back from a small expedition up the closest tree he could find, and was eager to relate his discoveries. "That temple looks like it's about a days journey away. Those towers seem a tad too forest temple-like for my liking though," referring to the green-permeated monastic structure from the legend of Zelda. "Wasn't the exterior of the temple mostly obscured by fog though?" Dan asked. "That is true," replied Brad, "but judging from the massive inside of the temple - I think towers would be a logical assumption." By now the sheilas (Australian word for chicas (Spanish word for girls)) had begun to awaken. Unfazed by their scruffy appearances, the guys turned to greet them with smiling faces. How now, good sir?

Dan
"Hey girls, check this out" Brad turned back around. The stone structures had vanished into the mist. He sighed uneasily, and marked in his mind a tall tree that he knew was on the path towards the towers. The girls were rather confused, still rubbing the sleep from their eyes. "Check what out, Brad?" Sara Knight asked, just before looking down and realizing that she was dressed in what seemed to be an ancient Greek style tunic/dress. Esther, fully awake by now, saw her and chuckled with amusement. Sara must not have noticed the strange clothing, or the matching fuzzy things among her locks. "Yes Sara, we have been wearing these clothes since we got to whatever place this is... Esther trailed off, noticing Sara's huge eyes. She followed her gaze past the group to the massive sword that Brad had slung over his shoulder. Esther laughed again. Jesse called everyone to order, and was successful only because everyone was so shocked at him actually organizing something. Jesse asked if anyone knew anything about what was going on, and Mike spoke up. "I think wherever we are is a result of something that Happosai... I mean- the little old man did. My guess is that all the problems we have run into since the beginning of this whole weird thing were because of him. Ren, Bess, That strangely handsome man, Ping the Chinese Elf, This seemingly random world switching- all of this. He put us here - for what, I do not know. I say that we all head for that temple, and see what we can find there." "Sounds good to me" Dan said, picking up his bow and quiver. "Lets move while we have time." The group made preparations to leave.

Brad
Jesse was a little ticked at Brad's forgetfulness. He was out doing a little recon at the time Brad took his role call, and so Brad somehow forgot him. He was especially ticked that Esther and Sara were impressed by Brad's massive buster sword and failed to notice his own gun blade. He decided that, instead of confronting Brad about these obvious accidents, he would beat his body into submission with a few push-ups. After a few hundred, the wiry lad's muscular biceps were rock-hard, a state not exactly cohesive to the continuance of the exercise. As he propelled himself back to a standing position he noticed a remarkable thing. He had tired not at all. Normally, after a few hundred push-ups, he could allow himself a small break. This time though - there was no need. On the other hand - there was no adrenaline rush either - Jesse was completely calm. He wondered if he could live without that which had bestowed his title: Prozaque. While Jesse imparted his newfound knowledge to our beloved missionary flyboy, Mike was busy briefing Sara K and Elisia on the innards of the Forest Temple. He knew that Esther and Sara C had already played Zelda 64 and had perhaps even contributed to the obsession that had brought them there - therefore, Jesse had asked them to use their superior culinary skill to obtain some nourishment for the group. In any case, Mike's briefing included the enemy force: giant armored spiders that could only be destroyed when they inevitably spun around, flaming skulls that had to be blocked with a shield before they could be extinguished, skeleton warriors with almost impenetrable defense, and giant man-eating plants that provided deku sticks or nuts depending on how you killed them. He also told them about the Poes, weird ghosts that only came out once certain puzzles had been completed, and the fairy bow - an artifact of great value to the group since the girls had no weaponry at this point. He decided to leave out the shade of Gannondorf, as it was unclear as to whether this enemy would even appear. The group had come back together by noon, just as the sunlight was pouring through the canopy, creating patches of contrast against the dark green foliage. The day was warm, and a cool breeze sometimes rustled the leaves overhead. Keeping the tree he had marked earlier in sight, Brad led the way off into the unknown.

Dan
The group walked silently, almost unwilling to put their full weight on any one step. They managed to find their way through the thick foliage without too much trouble, following a brook up the ravine that led to the stone structure. After a few hours of walking, it became apparent that they had climbed out of the mist. The group would occasionally walk past a shaft of light that illuminated the dust in the air, and spread itself mottled upon the leaves on the forest floor. The ancient forest bred a sort of a reverent silence, broken at times by the rustling of the tree's leaves in the wind high above. Occasional comments by one person or another were regarded by all, but not replied to. By high noon, the gathering reached a massive flat top rock adorned with mosses and lichens. As asked by Jesse, the girls had come up with some kind of food, and it looked almost palatable. After inquiring who made the food, and sighing with relief when he found out that it wasn't Esther, he took a tentative bite. "Guys, this tastes like chicken!" the exclamation rang out through the woods. Everyone looked at Dan sternly. He looked around, and dropped his gaze. He raised it quickly, however, when from about a hundred yards off, noises could be heard... coming closer. Dan dropped his chicken sandwich, clutched for his bow, and jumped up to the edge of the rock. All the other guys did so as well, effectively surrounding the girls. No sooner had they taken position than a pack of wolf-like black animals came ripping toward the monolith. Dan pulled an arrow out of his quiver, aimed for a second, and let it fly, hitting one of the beasts and causing it to stumble and roll end over end, kicking up leaves in its wake before coming to rest. The rest of the pack reached the rock and leapt up trying to reach the intruders. Jesse's gun blade rang out, and knocked one of the creatures permanently off the stone. A few wolves had found the lower spot on the rock, which Brad happened to be guarding, standing there with his sword slung over his shoulder. One swing easily eliminated the menace. Determined to be of use, Mike leapt from the rock, landing on his hands and knees with one hand still grasping his katana. Up he jumped, and ran towards the last one, putting it cleanly out of business. Out of nowhere, Mike was attacked from the side by a wolf he had not seen, and went down rolling. As he went to his belt for a shuriken, (small throwing dagger) The wolf atop him collapsed, and lay as dead weight on him. He pushed the heavy beast off, and pushing himself off the ground, noticed the shaft imbedded in its pelt. He smiled up at Dan, and raised his sword in appreciation.

Brad
"Wolves?” asked Sara C, as she wrapped a strip of cloth around Mike's upper arm, "I didn't think that there were any wolves in Ocarina of Time". "Think back Sara," replied Mike, "Close to the entrance to the Forest temple there were a few. Ooh, that smarts. Anyway, they were in that large maze like area that Link crept through." "Y'know Mike," said Esther, still a bit peeved at Dan's slight, "I think we would have seen that maze by now and the places we've been don't remind me of Hyrule at all...look, the entrance to the temple is just visible and I don't think we'll need a hookshot to get in. I think we should amend our theory about this place a bit." "What are you saying? That this place only takes bits and pieces from our imaginations to create a general theme?" "I guess that sounds right." The others agreed to the idea as well, but Jesse wondered still. He thought this place looked a bit too real for something that came from his head and was postulating a theory of his own. The group reached the entrance to the temple within the hour. As the mist had receded long ago, the entirety of the structure was visible. The facade was immense, reminding more than one in the party of some of the Rococo cathedrals of the 1730s. Well, perhaps it only reminded Brad of such things, but still, the seemingly effortless merging of organic and artificial created an interesting impression in the minds of the others - that the temple was brother to time itself. It was around mid-afternoon, and Jesse was loath to spend another night in relative comfort while Mikey was still trapped, perhaps inside. Mike pointed out the fact that they had no portable source of light should their stay be longer than expected. The rest of the group decided to stand back and let Jesse decide - whatever the verdict was, they would follow.

Lars
As everyone debates about what to do, a shadowy figure steps out of the temple, his face covered by the hood of his dark brown robe. As he steps out into the open, he pulls off the hood to reveal... Lars! "Hey guys, I've been here for a while; I didn't come here to rescue Mike, but now that I've accomplished my original quest, I can't figure out how to leave. This seems to be the most basic form of this world since it hasn't changed yet, no matter what I've been thinking. In case you're wondering, my quest was to become a Jedi Knight and learn the ways of the Force like my father... oops, wrong line. Anyway, I did manage to get some Jedi training, hence the robes, and... this!" With that, he produces from under the folds of his robe a fully functional yellow-bladed light saber. "I believe this might also solve your problem of the portable light source. It is rather dark in there sometimes. So, what do we do next?"

Sara K
Sara K stared at the newcomer and smiled. "Well, seeing as how I've forgotten my lantern today," Mike and Brad grinned knowingly, remembering a fateful hike when that lantern didn't do much good, "your presence is welcome." She looked around, also wondering what to do. Sara C spoke up. "Oh, but the night is young! Let us continue on in our quest.... and then we can go to Wegmans...and buy Yoohoo...." The other Sara glanced at her. "You're nuts. But I agree." Elisia, who had been aimlessly throwing pinecones into the forest, and Esther, who had been pacing and tapping her foot impatiently, nodded their consent. Brad and Mike did as well. Dan turned to Jesse. "Alright man, lead the way." Jesse, finding only support from his friends, began to press on into the spider-webbed blackness...

Brad
As the party passed beneath the stone totems marking the entrance to the temple, they once again had the feeling that they were traveling past the barriers of logic to a place where time had been forgotten. The totems reached high into the evening sky, culminating in concentric runic arches that bridged the two. Silver threads wrapped the totems in whorls and spirals, catching the light of the rising moon. Dark green vines merged with their carved, stone counterparts in a beautiful melding of organic and ethereal. As they ventured further into the temple, it was obvious that this place had been abandoned for years, yet this observation was only based on the foliage that carpeted the floors, for there was no indication of deterioration in the stonework or on the statue that the group now approached. The statue was of a creature that could have been considered human if it wasn't for the patches of leaves and moss that grew from its skin. A shaft of light from an opening in the ceiling high above illuminated it with moonlight, giving making it seem almost alive. Curious, the group ventured closer. Now close enough to see the statue's face, the group was suddenly struck by an impossibly powerful feeling of despair. "Do you guys feel that?" asked Lars, "doesn't it seem like the statue is radiating it? There's no other feasible reason for it that I can see." "So sad," said Sara, noticing for the first time the chains that encircled the statue's chest, wrapped around his legs, and merged with the stonework on the floor, "Who would create such a thing?" "Interesting how these chains seem to follow paths deeper into the temple." said Mike, "Given that this temple is a lot like the one in the legend of Zelda, I would say that those chains lead somewhere." "Well, lets go then," said Sara C, "the sooner we're out of this room, the better." The group chose one of the two hallways that branched off at a soft angle from the circular room and started off. As the group set off, Esther turned back to the statue. "I'll see you again,” she said softly.

Lars
As the group moved off through the hall, it became increasingly apparent that the lightsaber would certainly be of use. Not only did it provide a much-needed source of light, but also it was useful in cutting down the vines that seemed to be constantly blocking the trail. Although they were unaware exactly when this had started, the group realized that they had been traveling downwards for some time. Also, the lightsaber was now being used to cut down not vines, but very large spider webs, reminiscent of the ones in The Hobbit. This was, of course, rather disturbing to not only the female members of the party, but to the whole group, since Lars, who had been through this temple many times, did not remember the passage being like this. Not that this was unusual; in his experience, the temple's interior had never been the same for longer than a week at a time. However, he had just traversed this passage a few hours before, and he had never seen any hint of spiders large enough to make such webs.

Sara K
Well, some of the group was apprehensive about coming face to face with giant, hairy, crunchy spiders. Others... "Herbert! Herbert, where are you?" sang Sara C into the blackness. "Hehe, Herbert is my friend." From anyone else, this would have been a surprising sentiment. But coming from Sara "Befriend-the-ugly-fuzzy-creatures" Culhane, it was perfectly normal. Sara Knight grimaced, not wanting at all to meet the latest adoption. She walked over and whispered to Dan, "ok, any signs of Sara's pet, and we jump Lars and put that darn lightsaber to good use. Spider-kabobs, spider chili, spider gumbo, fried spiders, spider-leg soup...." Dan looked at her in mock horror. "That's disgusting." Brad, meanwhile, noted that they were probably several miles into the cave at this point, without having come across anything much more interesting than the statue near the entrance, the memory of which haunted his mind. Mike, walking along side him, hadn't spoken for a while, having quietly withdrawn into his own subconscious, trying to remember exact details of the cave. Esther and Elisia were being relatively quiet as well, as the descent into the earth had brought on a chill they had not experienced in the sunlit forest. They huddled together for warmth as they walked, occasionally making each other laugh momentarily about the absurdity of the whole situation. Jesse, frustrated at the pace of their walk, had jogged a little bit ahead, and now appeared to be studying something on the wall of the tunnel, squinting his eyes, backing up, and moving forward again in deep concentration. Curious, Dan ran ahead to join him. Suddenly, Sara K, who had been talking animatedly with Lars about her love for Yoda, and all things with big ears, stopped dead in her tracks with a yelp. She glanced quickly around at her much-loved companions, and widened her eyes in fright at what she realized...one among their number was missing. Brad, following her gaze, joined her in simultaneous question. "WHERE'S SARA C??"

Dan
Just then a distant, echoing yell came from behind them. "Herberrrrrt!" Dan handed his torch to Sara, and he and Mike sprinted back down the tunnel towards where the scream had originated. Their feet pounding on the wet stone, they ran side by side, until Mike slid to a halt. Dan stopped and jogged back to his side. "What is it?" in a shadowed corner lay a turnoff that nobody had seen before. "This must be where she went." The passageway was narrow and seemed to be descending. It curved several times, and then opened into a space of unknown size, its walls masked by darkness. "Sara!!!!" They looked all around, and finally looking upward saw something resembling a cocoon, wriggling and shaking. Mike, noting the shadow on the floor, pulled from behind his back a hookshot, and pulled the trigger. The blade tipped chain ascended into the darkness, striking with a terrible noise on something hard. Both guys rolled away just in time as giant spider crashed down, mortally wounded by the weapon. A screaming arrow from Dan's bow severed the substance holding Sara to the ceiling. Mike caught her easily, and with the help of Dan's dagger, the sticky white wrapping came off easily. "Herbert was mean to me" stated Sara emphatically. "Understatement of the night" Mike muttered. "That was close. We had better join the others. They are farther down the passage. As the trio made their way up the slippery stone, they heard the voices of their friends approaching. Dan was about to yell out a greeting and affirmation of safety, when there was a thundering crash. Mike ran ahead with his torch to investigate, and stopped dead just around a turn. "Guys, uhh..." The path was sealed off.

Brad
On the other side of the rock fall, the remaining wanderers were befuddled. Jesse had stopped to tie his shoe earlier and the group was loathe to leave another one of their number unprotected, even though they knew that Jesse had formidable skill with his gun blade. As it turned out, none of them had been close enough to the fall, which now obscured the turnoff to be able to tell where their friends were trapped. Unfortunately though, directly opposite the rock fall was another passageway. This alternate route, which the group found quickly, given that they were already searching for Sara, Mike, and Dan, led off into the darkness. Since this passage seemed to be the obvious route of the missing threesome, Jesse made a quick decision and led them into the gloom. Meanwhile, on the other side of the rock fall, Mike and Dan had given up on shouting for their friends. They figured that the others did not even know where they were and were most definitely unable to organize a rescue attempt. Dejected that they had to split up, they decided to return to the room where Sara had been held captive. Mike took Sara and, holding his hand against the cold rock wall, explored the right side of the room, moving counterclockwise from the entrance. Dan went in the opposite direction, moving cautiously around the room, making sure that there was no other exit. The room was larger than they had estimated beforehand and it took more than ten minutes to circumnavigate it. The effort was futile as well; no other exit was found. Even more despairing now, they returned to the entrance through the center of the room. As they neared their starting point, Mike caught his foot on something and started to fall. Always on his toes at this point, Dan caught him neatly. They were about to move on when Sara noticed something. "Guys, isn't this where Herbert's corpse was?" It was true- the giant spider had disappeared. "Whoa, I must have slipped on some of its webbing," said Mike. "Then there must be an exit!" returned Dan. Their hope renewed, the trio started to follow the sticky trail of webbing, escape on each of their minds....

Elisia
As the trio began to wonder how they would ever follow a trail of webbing in the dark, Dan exclaimed, "What’s that funky smell?? Man, it smells like the stinky cheese man or something!" Mike leaned down to sniff the remnants of goo on his foot "AW MAN! I found the source guys. Let's follow our noses!"