Back at the big building once again we must go. This time it has sign out front that reads “Harry Potter Anonymous Reunion!” A man with wild spiky blonde hair is slowly venturing up the stairs.
“Why am I here,” he asked.
“Because I need somebody to deal with these fans,” a mystical voice told him.
“But why me,” he complained.
“BECAUSE I BLOODY SAID SO!!!” the voice boomed overhead.
The man bolts up the stairs, hoping to escape the wrath of the author.
“I don’t deserve this treatment,” he muttered. “I’m a hero!”
“I heard that!”
“EEP!”
The spiky haired man reaches the door and yanks it open; pulling it right off it’s hinges.
“Wow, these doors aren’t made like they use to make them,” he observed tossing the door over his shoulder.
The flying door nails somebody walking up the stairs, knocking them unconscious. He doesn’t even notice the person rolling down the stairs, out into traffic, and down a really steep hill that happens to conveniently be there.
He walks through the doorframe, which is now minus one door. He follows the big signs that are flashing, and emitting strange beeping noises. They read in big, bold, RED letters “HPA THIS WAY!!”
“I don’t want to be here,” he complains.
There are no ears for his feeble complaints to fall on. He sagged his shoulders and stumbled down the hall. At the end of the big long hall a big ol’ door is being guarded by two big scaring looking men in big black cloaks. One looks suspiciously like Voldemort.
“What are you doing,” the suspicious look alike of Voldemort that sounds like Voldemort asks.
“I’m here to host the HPA meeting,” spiky hair man whose name has yet to be revealed says.
“Say’s who?”
“The author.”
“Well I am all mighty!!! Hail me, (Can we say foreshadowing?) Voldemort look alike that sounds just like him that is now wielding big scary looking wand!”
A crack of lighting strikes somewhere in China and big scary looking Voldemort wannabe is running around with a flaming butt.
“Ouch! My beautiful rear posture,” altered by surgery to look like Voldemort person screams.
“Dude,” other person who has been completely ignored by spiky haired man mutters.
“Sweet,” spiky haired man says.
“Dude!”
“Sweet!”
As the two men go at it, seeing who can sound more like an idiot, the fic moves into the actual meeting.
“Totally!” METMA Mandy screams.
“Like whatever!” Bella yells twirling her hair around her fingers.
“For sure!” Seagull yells right along.
Issa and Kira are trying desperately to get the door open.
“Use an ax,” Hermione19 instructs looking desperate.
“Let me out!” Juliette screams pounding at a window.
“Perhaps if I send a message to the outside world, we shall be saved,” Greencat tells everybody, typing away at her ever-present laptop.
The fic moves back out of the room, to check up on sweet guy and dude man.
Sweet guy, AKA spiky ass, is pounding dude man’s, AKA Lucius Malfoy, head into the ground.
“SWEET!!!”
“DU…. Gag DE!” Malfoy has just swallowed a tooth.
People are standing around giving bets.
“Twenty galleons on Spiky,” Rowena Ravenclaw’s Clone says.
“Twenty gil on Spiky too,” Estelle says.
Rowena and Cassandra Claire turn to her with strange looks.
“What?” Cassandra asks.
Estelle looks around and laughs nervously. “Uh… Never mind.”
Estelle makes a fast break down the hall back to the “We are Squaresoft, resistance is futile” room.
Spiky ass gets up off the ground and brushes himself off. “Well that was fun.”
Spiky ass opens the door and Issa and Kira fall out.
“Freedom!” Issa jumps for joy.
Spiky ass enters the room and the door closes.
“NO!” Kira shrieks being stuck in the room again.
“Why didn’t you get to freedom,” Clio asks.
“Plot hole,” Spiky ass explains. “Everybody, my name is Cloud.”
Somebody in the background snickers.
“THOU SHALL NOT LAUGH AT CLOUD!!”
Random person that snickered is kicked out of the fic.
“Yes now, lets begin with new people,” Cloud explains.
“Hi, I’m Dark Nemesis, and I like Draco, and I also like Ginny, and she and Draco make a cute couple. I’m insane and I also like Darth Maul and he should be in Harry Potter cuz he’s the only thing the series is missing and I should shut up now cuz I’m running out of breath,” DN passes out from lack of oxygen
METMA Mandy pokes DN with a stick, “Is it alive?”
Cloud looks slightly stunned, not sure what to do. “I’m sure it is, next.”
“Hi, my name is Lilith True, and it all started in January of 2000, when I just happened to pick up the book my mom was planning to read to her 4th graders, and was captivated from the first line.”
Lilith sits down and somebody jumps to their feet.
“Hello, um, I’m GoldenPhoenix, and, um, I’m really obsessed with Harry Potter. I find myself pretending to do magical spells and I often protest with my friends that Harry Potter is real. Oh, and I’m having an affair with Ron. Thank you.”
GP sits down and Issa jumps on her.
“Ron is mine!”
The two begin to fight and Cloud really doesn’t know what to do. Save me!
Somebody clears their throat. “Um, is this thing on?” The person is tapping on a microphone. “Um, okay. Hi, my name is Dusk and I’m…. I’m…. I’m…. addicted to Harry Potter!”
Dusk begins to sob, then suddenly stops. “Wait, is this a bad thing?”
“Of course not,” Psy says, patting Dusk on the back.
“Hi, my name is Jisuka! I’m obsessed with Gilderoy Lockhart!” Jisuka hugs a big picture of Lockhart, which is smiling and winking.
“Why don’t you just get a plushy,” Ginny Malfoy asks.
Jisuka screams and dives behind a chair. “Those are evil.”
“Hi, I’m Vicki Granger, and in 20 our of 23 yahoo groups I’m in are Harry Potter. 2 out of 3 community O groups are also Harry Potter and 1 Harry Potter club! My grades are dropping because I spend way too much time doing things that are Harry Potter related. Books falling apart frequently drops to floor, sleeping reading. Practically life in the Harry Potter section of Fanfiction.net,” Vicki says.
“Hi, my name is Cute Diva, and I’m addicted to Harry Potter,” Cute Diva begins to bawl loudly. “I have my own Harry Potter web site and I’ve read all the books and I think I’m Hermione! Please help me!”
Cute Diva sits down and Morwen comes over and sits next to her. “Greetings fellow Hermione!”
Cute Diva smiles, “Greetings!”
“Hello, my name is Orca Blue, and I don’t have a crush on Sirius!”
Orca looks very proud at not having a crush on Sirius.
“Is that a good thing,” Cloud asks.
“Of course!”
“Hi! My name is KellerER!”
“Hi! My name is Nadi!”
“Hi! I’m Ginny H. Potter! Insanity is good! Sane is bad.”
Ginny H. sits down grinning madly.
“That’s nice,” Cloud mutters.
“My name is Corrina! I love Draco. Draco and Hermione fics are the best!”
A big cheer from all the Draco fans go up and Corrina is welcomed into the group.
“I’m Rooty Beer! And I obsesszied with Harry Pottyzie. BUT Ronnyzie is EXTREMELY cutzie!!! I’m obsesszied because Ronnyzie is so cutest, smartez, cute, sweetzie, did I mention cute? I’m obsessed,” Rooty Beer cries.
“Thanks!”
Rooty Beer looks around, “Whatzie?”
“My computer just had a field day with that!”
Rooty Beer grins happily. “Good.”
“Hi, I’m ThePhoenix! My odd Harry Potter flaw is that I’m totally obsessed with Argus Filch!!! HES THE COOLEST!! Well, him and Nearly Headless Nick!”
Cloud looks confused, “Who and who?”
“Its ok Cloud, I’ll explain later,” magical authors voice says again.
“Hi, my name is KrissyKat! I used to think that Harry Potter was dumb. If you would have told me six months ago that I would be totally obsessed and in love with Harry Potter at this very moment, I would have thought you were nuttier than a Baby Ruth candy bar,” KrissyKat pauses seeing the drool hanging from Cloud’s mouth.
“Mmm…. Candy,” Cloud mutters.
“Any who, it was time for my brother to do his book report, so I picked Harry Potter and Sorcerer’s Stone up harmlessly, thinking I would help him. But I finished it that night and then begged my parents for the rest. I finished them three days afterwards and have been drawing pictures and writing fanfics ever since.
My room is decorated in evil WB memorabilia, but I don’t care that it’s evil and its WB, since it’s Harry isn’t it? I fell in love with Harry at the realization of how courageous, brave, smart, and realistic he was. Harry was the perfect vision of the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with I absolutely loved his personality… And green eyes are a big turn on for me. I’ve always loved green eyes…. And I love his hair and everything about him.
But then I came across another equally harmless thing called “Cassandra Claire.” As soon as I read about how witty and fascinating Draco was, and how much he stole Hermione’s and Ginny’s and basically every girl around him’s heart. I too became obsessed with Draco. So now, here I am torn between two houses. I want to show my Slytherin pride for the hottie-patottie in leather, but my Gryffindor love for the guy I know would look good in leather if he tried… I’m so… torn…apart! My Draco, or my Harry… My Draco, or my Harry?!”
KrissyKat begins to sob hysterically while getting some strange looks. Strange looks from Harry and Draco fans, each one considering them their men.
“I’m obsessed!” She sobs again. “I’m so torn apart and obsessed!”
KrissyKat sniffs and gives Cloud a watery smile. “Cloud and Tifa for ever!”
A big plushy of Harry Potter drops down into KrissyKat’s lap.
Jisuka hides behind a desk trying to get out of sight of the plushy.
“Are you showing favoritism,” Cloud asks.
“No! Well… maybe for my fav couple of all time.”
Cloud is pulled into an invisible squeeze, his face turns a funny shade of blue and he is released.
“IT’S MINE!!!” KrissyKat screams, pulling the big plushy out of METMA Mandy’s grip.
“I want it!” Dark Crystal says trying to get it out of KrissyKat’s grip.
“No! Me!” Rooty Beer joins in the struggle.
“That’s it!” Magical author takes back the Harry Potter plushy.
Everybody in the room begins to wail and pound their heads on random objects.
“Stop it!”
Cloud runs around the room trying to restore order. The door swings open dramatically and….. Long pause of drama… More long pauses… One more!…..
Strange looking man that has been surgically altered to look like Voldemort with the flaming rear posture comes running into the room.
“My beautiful rear posture!!!”
Many sets of eyes turn to looking at the flaming person.
“What the…” Cute Diva wants to know.
“I don’t understand,” Dusk and Vicki say in unison.
Nadi and Nemesis have found buckets of water and are passing them out to everybody.
“When do we get to soak him,” Snidget wants to know.
“Soon,” METMA Mandy says. “Very soon.”
Corrina and Ginny H. are tired of waiting and throw the water on each other. They begin to have bucket fights.
“I am your father,” Ginny H. laughs menacingly.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” Corrina screams dramatically drawing a big audience. “No wait, EEW!!!”
“NOW!” METMA Mandy screams!
Water goes flying, dousing the dancing man grabbing his rear. With awe the people watch the skin melt away.
“I’m melting! Melting…. Oh what a world!”
The skin melts away to reveal All Mighty Me floating.
“A ghost!”
“WOW!”
Cloud is cowering in the corner, having lost complete control of the fans. He is working out a game plan with the wall.
“I have returned to warn you,” AMM says mysteriously.
“Of what?” Orca asks.
“Of…. THIS!”
AMM proceeds to run through everybody giggling insanely as everybody gets a sudden freezing chill.
“Its cold,” Madgirl Insane complains.
“Well duh!” Pyro Sarah says floating up.
“My clone!”
Psy jumps Pyro Sarah, passes right through her and runs head first into a wall.
Pyro Sarah just shakes her head laughing hysterically.
“I’ve got it!” Cloud screams jumping to his feet.
“Got what?” Bouncing Ferret’s Girlfriend asks.
Cloud jumps, “Don’t do that!”
BFG simply laughs and Tualha shakes her head.
“Well what did you get?”
“I forgot!”
Cloud wails loudly and proceeds to pound his head on a wall. He successfully succeeds at knocking himself unconscious.
A big uproar goes through the room; everybody is on the ground rolling around laughing at the misfortune that has befallen Cloud.
“What do we do now,” KB wondered.
“I don’t know,” ThePhoenix said.
“Food fight,” Marion supplied holding up a handful of donuts.
“Nah.”
“Water fight?”
“Nah.”
“Find that evil Mary Sue?”
“Nah, we did that last time.”
“Write insane stories?”
“Can’t, Allex has the place rigged with explosives if anybody even tries,” METMA Mandy explains.
To emphasize the point a room down the hall explodes.
“Ok, who let Allex get a hold of big strong explosives?”
Everybody looks away, whistling innocently.
“The first one to confess gets to be locked in the room with their favorite character,” the magical voice says.
Suddenly everybody is talking at once; everyone wants to be the one that gave Allex the explosives. The talking finally dies down.
“Now, where is my Draco,” DM asks.
“Your Draco,” Malfoy’s Girl stutters.
“What about Fred,” Snidget asks.
“Did I say favorite character?” the author asked.
“Yes!”
“Oh, you must have misinterpreted me.”
“What,” Hermione19 and Lilith yell.
“I mean the first one to confess gets locked in a room with a big bad villain!!!”
“NO!” everybody screams.
The ground drops out from under everybody’s feet and the author sends them to another room. Voldemort is waiting anxiously for them.
“Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!”
“What are those tables behind big bad guy for?” Angie asks.
Voldemort grins.
“AHHH! SCARY SIGHT!!!” METMA Mandy screams covering her eyes.
“I thought we would discuss Harry Potter over tea,” Voldemort says.
“Mwahahahahaha…. Huh?”
Everybody takes a seat and begins to drink tea. Everybody drinks tea really fast. Soon the tea is gone and Voldemort is grinning madly.
“I gotta go potty,” Greencat says.
“Me too,” Malfoy’s Girl and Vicki complain.
“Where is that stupid author,” GP mutters doing that mystic dance of the potty.
Voldemort is in the corner laughing evilly, like all evil villains must laugh. They must have it trademarked somewhere.
“I have defeated you with my evil plan. My evil, make them drink so much they die of having to go potty, plan!”
“Not so fast!”
A closet door goes flying open and Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy burst out.
“You know that really doesn’t look right,” Tricia comments.
Harry and Draco ignore Tricia and the rest of the group and soundly whip Voldemort into shape. They leave Voldemort in a pink fluffy tutu, his hair or lack there of in curlers, and a sign that reads “Hyperness to all and to all a bowl of sugar” hanging around his neck.
Harry and Draco make a hasty retreat, kicking a tied up author out of the “plot hole of doom that made the hero’s appear”.
Potties appear and everybody happily goes, censored of course.
“Where does that “plot hole of doom that made the hero’s appear” lead to,” Juliette asks.
“Hogwarts.”
With a mad whoop of joy the group dives into the “plot hole of doom” and tumbles out onto Dumbledore’s desk.
“What?”
Everybody jumps to their feet and runs out of the room screaming madly. All except for Angie, who is staring intently at Dumbledore.
“Can I help you young lady?”
“I…. I….” Angie jumps Dumbledore and screams.
Meanwhile the rest of the group is causing terror in the halls. Filch is nearly having a heart attack, so many people ruining his rules.
“Oh, Argus dear,” TP says advancing on Filch with a big net.
Mrs. Norris is streaking down the hall meowing loudly, trying to get away from A White Rose Petal and Corrina who are trying to play soccer with her.
Lindsay and Arabella Figg have gotten their hands on broomsticks and are racing down the halls knocking over random students.
Firefly is chasing Oliver down the hall; “I’ll play Quidditch with you any day!”
Madgirl Insane and Malfoy’s Girl are trying to find ways into the Slytherin tower. Dark Crystal has cornered a student and his showing off all her restraining orders.
“Wait a minute!”
Everything comes screeching to a halt.
“This is supposed to be a Harry Potter Anonymous meeting! What is going on?”
Music begins to flare and METMA Mandy and Hermione19 come running in. “To the rescue!!!”
“Now everybody say we have been cured of our obsession so Tifa will have met her original goal,” METMA Mandy tells everybody.
“We have been cured of our obsession!”
The author cries and brushes tears away, “You guys are the greatest!”
“We’ve become stalkers!” Marion screams.
Allex pops up, “This is getting insane.”
Allex pulls out a detonator and gives a “Wing Zero Death Glare” (All Gundam Wing fans will understand… if not e-mail me, I’ll explain ^_^)
“Don’t Allex!” METMA Mandy screams.
Allex laughs evilly and pushes the button.
Everything goes black!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Cloud and the author pop up.
“What happened?”
“I was suppose to be helping people, but everything went horribly wrong!”
Cloud laughs, “I’d say! This is the last chapter right?”
“Yeah.”
Cloud and the author disappear.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Authors Note: Allex got the privilege of ending Harry Potter Anonymous. Yea for Allex, if you would like to know what happened while the group ran rabid at Hogwarts, write it yourself. ^_^ Cause I gotta go shut up Ally and Remus and write their damn story.
Thanks: In no particular order, Jisuka, Clara2000, METMA Mandy (thanks so much for sending out the e-mails!), A White Rose Petal, Kira Maxwell (if Duo and Heero ever had a kid it would be named Trio Maxwell! Look at that I made a funny!), Juliette, Tals, Alphie (you belonged in this story but I forgot! SORRY!), All Mighty Me (I killed you!! HAHAHAHAHA AMM runs through Tifa making her turn into ice AMM: HAHA Got you back!), Greencat and Greencat’s ever present laptop, KrissyKat, Rooty Beer (my computer still hates you ^_^), Corrina Flame (Everybody loves applesauce!), Cute Diva (yes we are an insane bunch), Rowena Ravenclaw’s Clone (you ran Draco over on the freeway huh, can I have the carcass!?), Hermione19 (I know, poor Eve, that Mary Sue getting a perfect score on her senior venture… GRR!), Marion “Fyrn” Lupin (I’m writing a Lupin story. Called Unraveling the Past, it’s gonna be good, I hope), Melamorie you non-believer you ^_^, Lindsay (if you wanted to have been crazier, I couldn’t figure out how. I don’t think randomly running into walls would have been crazy enough), Giliath (St. Mungo’s is waiting for you with a special padded room ^_^), Dark Crystal (Harry’s got another restraining order for you, something about Quidditch), Seagull Laridae (You are so very welcome!), Estelle (Yes, HP fans are scary but a pack of rabid Cloud fans led by yours truly would be even scarier. Cloud: HELP!), Julius (Eve is evil and I’m not a man! It should have read “Hilarious story, person of gender I have yet to figure out!” K, I’m just being stupid!), Issa (You are your applesauce… Have you ever envisioned Ron swimming in applesauce… now there’s a story for ya!), Blue Writer (Yes I know it’s strange), Crazy Plane Chick (I’m onto you!!! Of course you liked my story I put you in it! CPC you are so crazy!!! That’s Angel everybody! Say HI!), Madgirl Insane (Yes, the Earth is green!), Psy and Sarah (HAHAH I killed you Sarah! No wait…don’t follow AMM example!), Ginny Malfoy (I hope it sounds just like you, everybody needs help!), Me (Thanks! Now don’t hurt anybody ya hear!), EITAK (Madgirl Insane rocks! Right on! Everybody rocked!), Firefly (Death Eaters are evil!), Arabella Figg (Old fogey? You are only two years old than me), The Phoenix (HAHA Did that just to upset you ThePhoenix), FireCloud (Thanks… Cloud drools), Morwen Parkinson (Everybody is insane!!!), The Cheshire Cat, Quare Bungle Rye (radioactive jell-o is COOL!), Allex (Was blowing everything up evil enough?), Madcyco (watch me stare blankly because I am very confused), Ennia (it’s down the block around the corner… oh wait Allex blew it up), Tricia Perks (Yes you are included, you lucky person you!), Gryffindorgal87 (I live to be original!), Bella, Bouncing Ferret’s Girlfriend (I just now figured out what your name meant!!! Are you proud of me!), Clio Potter, Tualha, Angie, Margarita Salt, Lyndred, Nony, Lisa, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb (You have reviewed my story yet… looks impatient), KB (The originator of radioactive jell-o), KellerEr, Nadi, Ginny H. Potter (Her line is what is hanging around Voldies neck), Dark Nemesis (DARTH VADER ALL THE WAY!!!!), Snidget (Still waiting for more on Flamedread!), Lilith True (My comp doesn’t seem to like your name, it’s spelled right you stupid computer!), Dusk, and Vicki Granger!!!!
If I missed anybody, sorry but… THANKS SO MUCH FOR BEING SUCH GREAT SUPPORTERS!!!
Disclaimer: You know the drill, I’m tired of writing!
REVIEW!!!
