Our Bodies, Archos
Topic: Technology
Chumps come up to me all the time and ask "Excuse me, Apollo Steel, sir, but can you tell me what it takes to be a true player?" I usually have my bodyguards gently escort them face-down onto the sidewalk, because a player is nothing if not busy. I've always got places to go, and platinum dub-sixes to polish, and empty Cristal bottles to fill with generic sparkling wine. But since I like you, I'll let you in on a few secrets. Observe closely as I illustrate the aspects of being a true player.

With the MXL-581 receiver, we can finally escape the suffocating confines of your hard drive. Just connect it to either your 802.11g wireless or wired Ethernet networks and to your home entertainment system. In seconds, us media files will be free at last! Video files can play in the free, open spaces of your TV. Music files can finally roar through your home stereo speakers in all our glory. Never again will you have to gather around the computer desk to look at digital photos or listen to Internet radio! It supports MPEG-1/MPEG-2/MPEG-4 video formats, MPEG Audio layer 1 & 2/MP3/WMA audio formats, and PEG/BMP/GIF/PNG graphic formats. More importantly, it supports file freedom!

You wanna talk about living large? Check out that big, bright 16:9 7" LCD screen. You gotta shine to show the world you're for real, know what I'm saying? A true
player is always ready for any situation, and the Archos AV700 can handle AVI,
MPEG-4, and WMV video files, DivX and Xvid codecs, and MP3 audio files. Fully
loaded with a super-size 40GB hard drive and a USB 2.0 interface, this is one cat
that will neither punk out nor cop out. And for four hours of video playback or
30 hours of music playback, its battery won't run out.

It's not easy being a player. Most suckers are not cut out for the life. They
can't hang when things get heavy. But one true player always recognizes another -
and take it from Apollo Steel: the Archos AV700 is the rilly-o dilly-o.

It?s A Free Country ? Or, At Least, A Very Cheap One
Topic: Technology
Your master plan worked. While those around you were dropping mad cash on big-ticket GPS systems, you kept your cool. You navigated by your gut, your gumption, and your grainy MapQuest printouts, just waiting for GPS prices to fall below the point at which buying one made more sense than stopping to ask for directions. And now you’ve reached your destination – or, rather, it’s reached you.

The Cobra 1000 DLX is the cheapy-ass GPS you’ve been dreaming of. It packs 12 mean channels of GPS reception, and can store up to 50 routes and 500 waypoints. The 1000 DLX comes pre-programmed with continental U.S. highways, and the included Rand McNally StreetFinder software lets you load more detailed maps from your PC. (Alas, it uses a serial connector instead of a USB connector, but we pass the savings on to you. It’s not like USB-serial adapters are expensive anyway, Mr. Pinchpenny.) This package even comes with its own 32MB SD card, the better to load maps onto, my dear.

And boy, will the 1000 DLX ever annoy those Diamond Jims who shelled out for overpriced on-board navigation systems in their cars. All it takes is the included mounting bracket and lighter adapter, and hey presto, it’s a car-based system. On the off chance some mapmaker’s error leads you into a stream or over a cliff, no prob – it’s made of durable, high-impact ABS plastic and it’s water-resistant up to 1 meter for 30 minutes.

Now, a careful spender like you will understand that the Cobra 1000 DLX is heavy on the function and light on the frills. That means no touchscreen. That means no voice recognition or voice guidance. That means no color. And, of course, that means no big price tag.

Kofi Konclusions
Topic: Politics
Examples of further irresponsibility by the United Nations.

An Israeli airstrike hit a United Nations post in southern Lebanon late Tuesday, killing at least two of the agency's observers, according to the U.N. Interim Force in Lebanon. The U.N. initially reported that four peacekeepers were dead, but later said there were two dead and two missing. U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan said he was "deeply distressed" by the "apparently deliberate" strike.

From CNN

In its unwavering concern to protect the "bad guys", the U.N. has been busy spreading slanderous filth about Israel. It is common practice to presume people are missing - not dead, when there's reasonable doubt that they are still alive (i.e. no body has been found). Don't assume that Frank and Fred are dead because you've found remains of their iPods, of which they would never leave behind.

While Kofi Annan is asking for a full investigation into the incident, he shouldn't be passing judgement until the investigation is over. How foolish it is for him to claim that the IDF's strike was "apparently deliberate" in hitting the U.N. post, while still looking for information to back his statement. To be deliberate, the IDF would need a motive for hitting the post. In what way could it benefit ANYONE to hit a U.N. post? Sorry Kofi, but it was likely an accident.

On the same day, the IDF was hit by friendly fire (fire upon itself). To continue with Kofi's thought process, it is reasonable to konclude that they must have deliberately hit themselves.

Get Up Pretty Early in the Warning
Topic: Technology
As a Pigge County Sheriff’s Deputy, Cleophilus Bibb lived for one thing and one thing only: to finally nail the dad-blamed Barron brothers. Those impeccably-coiffed rapscallions had been burning up the backroads since they were butt-high to a bollweevil, and made Cleophilus look a damn fool at least once a week (usually on Friday evenings at 8/7 Central).

Unknown to Bibb, Oz and Tad Barron were armed with the Early Warning EW-3100 Radar/Laser Detector. Every time Bibb lurked nearby to nab the Barrons, his radar gun set their EW-3100 to beeping – no matter from which direction, no matter whether he used X, K, Ka-POP, or Ka bands. Even the deputy’s VG-2/Spectre units, which were supposed to locate radar detectors, only served to raise a red flag to the Barrons. And they weren’t too anxious to share their secret with the befuddled lawman.

Sitting in his cruiser, tucked away among the trees alongside County Route 65, Bibb’s corpulent head cocked at the approach of a distant motor. Could it be? Yes! He’d recognize that souped-up 1968 Dodge Coronet anywhere! It was the Barron boys’ car, the Stonewall Jackson! Grinning with oily delight, Deputy Bibb wiped chunks of boiled peanut off of his shirt and leveled his radar gun down Rte. 65. One speeding ticket was reason enough to search their car. He’d nail those Barrons this time! But when the purple chassis of the Stonewall came gliding around the bend, Bibb’s face fell: 32 MPH, the radar said, three miles under the speed limit! And that impudent scamp Oz Barron, the blonde one, he even had the nerve to blow Cleophilus a kiss as they passed by! Somehow, they knew he was there all along! Ooooh, those Barron boys!

Iran's Change of Heart
Topic: Politics

Iran's ambassador to the United Nations said Tehran wants to work directly with the United States on an "easily attainable" resolution, if Washington drops "the intimidation tactics." - CNN

A new position has now taken from the government in Tehran. Iran now wants to work out their nuclear situation? I would attribute this sudden change of heart to those very "intimidation tactics". Not to mention that Iran sounds like their nuclear weapon isn't going exactly as planned. Good.

Iran ended its voluntary cooperation with the IAEA in February, which included ending surprise inspections of its nuclear facilities. Iran has maintained that its nuclear program is solely for peaceful purposes.

This is almost laughable. Solely peaceful purposes? Who are the Iranian regime trying to kid here? The only reason they've stopped allowing surprise inspections of their nuclear facilities is because they are trying to develop nuclear weapons. Common sense will tell you that another country having nuclear arms is a bad idea. What makes this so much more frightening is that "Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has repeatedly said that the Holocaust is a myth and that Israel should be destroyed." (Source: CNN) [excerpt] "UNITED NATIONS (CNN) -- Iran's ambassador to the United Nations said Tehran wants to work directly with the United States on an "easily attainable" resolution, if Washington drops "the intimidation tactics." Ambassador Mohammad Javad Zarif's statement came the day after the International Atomic Energy Agency pleaded with Iran to continue talks with European nations that want to offer it incentives in exchange for ending its nuclear-enrichment program."