Every so often, people enter into your life, so eccentric, so unique that they serve only to change it for the better. Having described the school as a cesspool and the staff mediocre at best, I eat my words;  I feel humbled, fortunate and am eternally grateful, having been taught, for 4 years, by these two great characters who's individuality never ceases to amaze. They are the epitome of hard work and dedication, having served the school for the best part of their lives with utmost loyalty and devotion. Committed to their students, they would do anything to help them, their perseverance unmatched throughout the establishment. They teach now as they did all those years ago, retaining their initial enthusiasm and they've remained full of schoolboy charm. Their minds sharp, wit and tact are their trademarks. Who would dare question these giants of the modern age. These timeless masters of Science

These are rare, exceptional, inimitable, distinctive, matchless and irreplaceable men. Please, let me partake of this grand privilege of presenting them to you.

Mr. R. Strom:

Vital Statistics:

Height: Under 5' 0"

Weight: As yet unknown

Nationality: There are two schools of thought here; Newcastle or Sweden?

Marital Status: Married (there are however rumours of some promiscuity based on stories of trips

                            to Soho)

Place of residence: Extreme NorthWest London (Greenbelt Land)

Background:  Rumoured to be a former Champion bodybuilder 

Defining Charactersitic(s): His somewhat diminished stature and glistening scalp.

                                                  He claims to sleep at 7pm and wake up at 3am. His Cardigans and

                                                  ties raise eyebrows.

Known to say:

                           "Sha'ap Yaaan!!"

                           "EVERYTHING!"

                           "Now now, hehehe, come on Yasmina"

                           "Found anymore phones Vincent? hehehe"

                           "C'mon c'mon hurry up! Now, Take this down!"

       "Wait Sir!"   "Nooooo! I'm going on!"

                           "Stop your moaning!"

Flaws: -Dictates at lightning quick speed

            - Assumes whatever he has written on the blackboard instantaneously, magically appears on

              students' sheets of paper

            - Does not have a physical presence to bully students into shutting up

            - Tends to give the most help to those who need it least

            - Seems to have given up on those in the class who aren't coping

            - Hmm, cant think of anymore

Qualities: - A very stylish short person who lives life to the full

                   - Likes to join in with classroom Banter  (Participates in Yann-bashing)

                   - Also teaches very well, Chemistry is just a hard subject

Mr. G. Callinicos:

Vital Statistics:

Height: Over 6' 0"

Weight: As yet unknown

Nationality: Greek

Marital Status: Married

Place of residence: Extreme NorthEast London (Greenbelt Land)

Background: Stories of his backpacking across the jungle for a Weetabix ad' campaign have emerged.

Defining Charactersitic(s): His somewhat unique (impeded?) Greek accent and gangly frame. He claims to go running regularly in the wee hours of the morning. The designs on his jumpers is classic.

Known to say: "C'mon class, you're not working hard enough!"

                           "You don't really care do you, Ross"

                           "What are you doing? You're not working? You're not being seeerious"

                           "Wot?? Wot??"

                           "Hehehehe. Sorry, what did you say, I'm deaf in this ear. "

                           "Write down now please; Sub-Sub title, question, 1, part (a), (b)"

                           "Have you made a fair attempt?"

                           "I/he will buy you a kitkat" "I use weetabix energy to lift..."

Flaws: - Tends to pronounce "the, there, their, they are, etc." in an identical manner

             - His accent tends to make the more complicated words impossible to decypher

             - Spells out such words as "the, and, what, force, field" but ignores the more complicated

               ones that we might not know how to spell

             - Goes through the syllabus at accelerated pace. Evidently some students will get lost by

               the wayside. Glosses over some vital parts of the syllabus but goes in depth on less 

               important, albeit interesting, information. 

            - Tends to answer questions on a topic in similar fashion for various questions 

Qualities: - Seems like he genuinely cares for our future even though he sometimes tries to

                    pretend he doesnt

                   - Always tries to make you understand, no matter what

                   - Makes occasional attempts to integrate himself into the class by coming down and

                     talking to a few people

                   - Teaches very well (how else do you explain the Physics GCSE grades)

                   - Demonstrates complex physical properties by making extravagant hand gestures and 'whooshy' baby sounds (This hilarity distracts us from the apparent dullness of the topics, loss of attention is an unfortunate bi-product )

There's height and there's stature, never confuse the two

(I put forward a petition to have Mr Strom Replace the 'Tic-Tac' man)