CHAPTER 21

It was getting dark now as evening approached, the sun was already hidden behind the tall buildings that made up my home town. I had been able to make some money earlier in the day, getting some street mission to hand over a fair amount in exchange for stopping by their group home one day. It honestly wasn't too bad, but I didn't like the feel of it as much as I did my little park. Sure it was warmer, and there was always food ready, but I liked being part of a 'family', even though the whole idea was a little messed up. They almost caught me, too. I think they know I was under eighteen.

I had managed to grab some extra food and hide it in a bag that I stuck into my pack, making sure no one saw me, because I had taken several meals worth of food with me. I had to make sure I fed Mark and Kathy, and I especially had to feed Jed. He's been very sick lately, and I needed to make sure he was eating.

Three days ago, Jed fell ill. He started having problems breathing, coughing almost constantly. He became very weak, and unable to even sit up for most of the day. He sleeps almost constantly, except for when I have to wake him up to eat, or remind him to keep drinking. Kathy and Mark haven't been around much to help me take care of him, but they keep telling me not to get my hopes up. I don't care what they say, I'm going to do whatever I can to help him get better.

I carry my pack over to Jed and sit down, I know he's hungry by now. I reach over carefully and shake him, "Hey Jed, I brought you some dinner."

He rolls over and moans, coughing every so often, "Aww, ya di'not have ta do that."

I reached in my pack and pulled out a brown paper lunch bag stuffed full of food, "Oh, you know I'll take care of you, Jed."

I opened the bag and pulled out the lunch. A large turkey sandwich, an apple and a pear, a giant granola bar, some chips, and a couple of chocolate chip cookies. I reached into the other side of my pack and pulled out a thermos full of hot chocolate I had managed to grab while I was there as well. I had stolen the thermos a while ago, knowing I would need it at some point. Not that it made it right or anything, but I was glad I had it now.

I poured him a cup of hot chocolate and watched carefully as he ate everything given to him. I made sure he didn't leave anything behind, since he refused breakfast, "You need to eat to get well again."

He finished everything and laid back down, "I need ta be gettin' me rest now."

I cleaned up the mess as I watched him lay back down and drift off to sleep again. I knew the hot chocolate wouldn't be good much longer, so I poured myself the last cup, and drank it as I sat next to Jed for about an hour or so. I stared at his chest as I sipped the cup, making sure that he continued breathing. I had a bad feeling about this, but I forced myself to think positive, even though I knew Mark and Kathy were probably right.

Up, down, up, down . . . the constant rhythm of his breathing. I watched his chest go up and then down, over and over. I saw how his nostrils flared slightly as he breathed.

When I looked at his face, I couldn't help but get upset. Knowing that there was someone great behind that face, not knowing what pain and suffering he'd gone through. I wondered what his life was like, how he lived when he had a home and a family, what his family was like. I pictured him in a park playing with his children, flying a bright red kite or something. I pictured him young and happy with his new wife, the smile on his face he had to have. I pictured what his childhood might have been, playing with neighborhood kids, riding their bikes or swimming in the lake he had so close to his home when he was twelve. Up, down, in, out . . . keep going.

I watched as Kathy came back and walked up to me. She bent down and made sure she whispered quietly enough, "Hey, how's he doing?"

"He's doing okay," I replied as I turned back and watched him inhale and exhale again, before turning back to Kathy, "I brought him a big lunch, he's just sleeping it off."

Kathy nodded and then bent down to feel his forehead, and then reached down to check his pulse. I knew she knew more than me, and the look that she had on her face when she felt it sent chills through me. I knew it wasn't good. She turned around and headed back to her area without saying anything to me.

"Hey Kathy," I said as I stood up, "I need to go work, would you keep an eye on him for me?"

Kathy frowned at me, I knew she didn't feel for him the way I did, "I'll see what I can do."

"You know," I said as I shrugged my shoulders, "Just check him every now and then, okay?"

She nodded in reply and headed off to her area again. I don't know what I'd done, but she wasn't the same person I had met in the beginning. I hope she didn't know what work I did, I never told her or anyone else. I'm not proud of my work, but I have to do something, and there's not much for a homeless teenager to do.

I headed down to my street corner and stood under my streetlight.. I saw Katrina, a twenty something woman who worked the same area I did. She was the one who had initially taught me how to work the streets. She said there's one thing about working the streets, and that's that the 'customers' don't seem to care where you come from, or whether you have a home or not. Saturday nights always prove successful.

I watched Katrina climb into the truck of one of her regular customers, leaving me alone on the street corner. It was a Saturday night, I knew I'd get someone soon. The regulars seemed to be loyal to time and place, although some of them would occasionally hit another street. Not that I really cared, there was always enough to go around. I knew I was doing wrong every second I stood on the corner, I knew I was bad every time I accepted money, I knew I was horrible every time I climbed into bed with someone I didn't know. I didn't know what else I could do.

I watched as a man pulled up in his new SUV, and motioned me over to his vehicle, "Ten?"

I shook my head and kept a straight face, "Twenty."

He looked down at the floor and then back at me, "How about fifteen."

"Twenty," I said as I shook my head and started backing away from the vehicle.

"Alright, alright!" he replied as he opened the door and handed me a twenty, "Here's twenty."

My heart jumped up into my throat and the voices filled my head. A bad feeling filled me as I got into his truck, knowing that I shouldn't be doing this. I decided right then and there that I was going to use the money to buy medicine for Jed, trying my best to somehow ease the guilt. Yep, that's it, the money would be used for good, so it shouldn't matter how I got it. No matter how hard I tried though, I knew I was bad. Oh well, I suppose I wont last much longer anyway.

I opened my eyes slowly as I dreaded waking up, knowing that it was my only choice. I rolled over onto my side and sat up, tucking my feet underneath me. It had been a terribly cold night, causing me to have trouble sleeping because I was so cold. I could swear I had frost on my eyelashes. The sun was barely coming up now, starting to warm the cold, stale morning air. I closed my eyes and imagined how great it would be to take a hot bath, but that was all I could do.

I remembered that I had made a nice bunch of cash the night before, and hurried over to Jed’s' area to tell him the good news, that I was going to be able to get him the medicine he needed so much. He'd have to be happy then, right? Maybe I'd even get him some new clothes, some warmer clothes. A nice thick coat to keep him warm, and a thick blanket for him to use.

I run over to his little bed and try to rouse him. I shake him for a couple of seconds and get no response. My pulse quickens, and I stop breathing. I look over to his chest, watching for the rise and fall of his breathing. Waiting. Waiting. My body freezes, and thoughts flood my mind as I realize what's wrong. He was so cold, showing no sign of life.

I used both hands this time, I just couldn't help myself, and tried to shake him awake again, "Jed. Jed! Jed, please wake up!"

I sat back, and fought tears and sobs as I realized that I was too late to help him. My heart kept sinking until I couldn't feel it anymore. I knew this was coming, but it still hurt me so much. I sat frozen for what seemed like hours, watching his chest, hoping and praying he'd take a breath. This was it, I'd lost him, too.