ALTERNATE ENDING

It's been a month now since Jed died, and a lot has happened so far. Mark and Kathy disappeared, and I don't know where. I came back from working one night and all of their stuff was gone. It's been over a month and I haven't seen them, so I don't think I will see them again. I'm now the only female in the park, which has proven to be very bad in the past couple weeks. So many things going wrong now, but I'm still under eighteen, so I can't ask for help.

Right now my only hope is my new guy, Trent. I'm able to stay with him a few nights a week, and actually get some sleep. I'm so tired now, tired of everything. The things I've felt before are now gone. I keep telling Trent I'm ready to go, but he doesn't understand. I've been able to drown everything out with his nightly parties, drinking myself into a deep coma, doing so many drugs that I can't feel, and cutting so much more now. Trent knows about my cutting, but ignores the fact that I do it.

I arrived at Trents apartment early in the afternoon, which was three stories off of the ground, with only a weak, wooden railing to keep me from falling. The boards were rotting and cracking now, termites were eating through the wood from the inside out. The view was scary, as there was only a small two foot path along the building, and the railing separating me from falling to the busy street below. To make things even worse, the walkway slanted downward toward the railing, as if it couldn't hold. I figured I was the only one that hugged the wall, and avoided even touching the railing. I was a paranoid that way. I found his door and knocked my special knock. Trent would know it was me.

"Hey baby!" Trent said as he opened the door and pulled me in, giving my a long deep kiss, "I was wondering when you were going to show up!"

"I had to finish up some things", I replied and looked around the room. I could see that he had his usual gang over before the party. Mick, Tyson, Eric and Slate, all camped out on the living room floor, doing their usual mix of crack and methamphetamine. I knew I would get some sooner or later, so I never made a big deal about it. Their mix wasn't my favorite, but I was willing to do any drug at that moment.

"Come here, you can put your stuff in my room," Trent said as he led me past his friends and into his room.

I dropped my pack on the floor in the corner of the room, and took off my sweatshirt so that I was wearing only my tank top. The apartment was hot, and I knew this from times before. I rubbed the flesh colored band-aids that I had stuck over the cuts on my wrists. They were still sore, but at the same time, itched like hell. I never knew whether I should scratch the itch, or ignore it.

I stood still as Trent walked up to me and started rubbing his hands up and down my upper arms. It wasn't comforting anymore, as it had been so many times already. I knew he was there, I felt him, but my mind wouldn't respond. I knew what he wanted and gave in, knowing that it if I couldn't feel, it couldn't hurt. Trent was the only one I had felt this close to, the only one I had actually planned on spending the rest of my life with, he just didn't know it yet.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me out into the living room, sitting me down on the couch next to his friends, handing me some of his mix. I took it without hesitation, making sure I had enough to last me the next couple hours. I then passed what was left over to Mick. I watched as Mick took it, and then took some more. I never knew how he could do so much and not have any problems.

"Hey, it's good stuff, yeah?" Tyson said as he passed me another hit, "It's the best."

I took another couple of hits, passed it down the line to Eric, and laid my head back on the back of the couch, "Yeah, it's all good."

Eric turned to me and laughed, "Man, you're really trippin' aren't ya?"

I raised my left hand in the air and gave a thumbs up sign, "Way up."

They kept passing it around the room, taking one hit after another. I passed it up after my sixth hit, and just relaxed and watched them. Over and over, it was like they were never going to stop. They did finally when Trent brought out the drinks, and handed one to each of us. I took a couple of sips and stood up and walked into the kitchen.

I sat at the counter and watched as the five of them got themselves drunk. I knew I was headed that way, but at least I could watch them from the kitchen. I watched as Trent turned off the overhead lights and turned on his party flashers. With the music up loud and the fog machine creating a haze that filled the room, people finally started showing. Trent had always said that no one would show up to a party until it became a party. He seemed to be right about this.

After a while I began to feel sick, convincing myself that it was just the alcohol. As I sat watching the lights flash and listening to the music bounce through my head, I began to see things I weren't sure of. I barely managed to get my balance and stand up. Was I the only crazy one in the room?

The room started spinning out of control. I felt lightheaded, almost as if my head was floating away from my body. I closed my eyes and rubbed them roughly with my hands, trying to still the room. When I opened my eyes again, everything was still the same. The dark room and flashing lights didn't help at all. The music was so loud that I couldn't even hear myself think, and the fog machine made the whole room feel distant.

I stumbled over to the couch and plopped down next to Trent, "Wha... what the **** did you put in my drink?!"

Trent reached over and stuck his hand up my shirt, surprising me and causing me to drop my cup, "C'mon baby, just relax. It's good stuff, I promise."

I reached up and tried to pull his hand out of my shirt, but I was far too weak. I tried to fight him as much as I could. He took his hand out and grabbed my arm and holding it tight. With a warning squeeze, he let go, and then reached up and started running his fingers through my hair. I was too tired and weak to pull away. I was beginning to get scared, but all I could manage was to mumble the words 'no, please don't' over and over. All of a sudden my head seemed to gain one hundred pounds and I was forced to lay my head down on his chest, then everything went dark.

I woke up the next morning alone on his couch, groggy and sick from the night before. I slowly forced my eyes open, letting them slowly get used to the shock of the sunlight spilling in from the windows. As I looked around the room, I could see the mess from last night. Beer bottles, assorted foods, all thrown across the living room floor. The counters were a mess, and the dining room table was piled high with various junk.

I sit up slowly, feeling a large grip being put on my head. As I stand up, I realize that I have legs. It was a weird sensation, like they weren't there until I stood up. Man, I was a mess. I wasn't sure of what happened the night before, but I knew I had to get out of there. I snuck into Trents room, finding him with his head at the foot of the bed with another girl. I had a feeling he hadn't been honest with me, and here was my proof. I grabbed my bag from behind the door, being careful not to make a sound, and then I was out of there.

I wasn't too sure where to go, I'm not sure I had anywhere left to go. My stomach was as empty as my pockets, and it bothered me so much. I walked four blocks over and over while I thought of what to do. Should I turn myself in? Should I just find another park to call home? Should I just . . . give up?

I nearly had a heart attack as a man ran up behind me and nearly plowed me over. It was Will, thank God. I think I'd have screamed bloody murder if it hadn't been. Will was an older man in his forties that had live in my park, that is until he got a hand up, and a chance to repair what was broken in his life. I was happy for him.

"Will!" I screamed as I turned and smiled at him, "How have you been?"

He patted me on the back and handed me a letter, "I'm doing great! It's good to see you. I'm in a hurry, but I was asked to give you this . . ."

"Bye!" I shouted as he ran off around the corner, obviously in a real hurry. I slowly opened the letter and pulled out a typed letter.

Mark and Kathy have struck gold I suppose, as they say anyway. Through some assistance program, they're getting a small two room apartment, with Mark getting a start at a new full time job, and Kathy a part time job. Along with their assistance in rent for the first year, they get their furniture and first months food for free. Some new idea initiated by the state to help get the homeless off of the streets and give them and hand up.

They've asked me to be their daughter. They say they've spoken to the judge, and as long as I am willing, I will be their adopted daughter. A smile bigger than you could ever imagine grew across my face. This was it, this was my second chance. I was going to part of a family that actually wanted me. Kathy said I'd be getting some help, I'd be able to go back and finish school. I'd be able to live the life I never dreamed.

I swear I ran the entire way to the address they had given me, filled with happiness and relief, as I knew I wouldn't have to try so hard to take care of myself. Who knows, I may even be able to stop drinking, stop with the drugs, maybe even my cutting. No matter what happens next, it is a big step up from where I had been.

I knocked on the door, and stood excitedly as I waited. I listened as the deadbolt was turned, and waited for the door to open. There, just on the other side of the doorway, stood Kathy and Mark with tears in their eyes. Their arms grew wide and I fell into them, accepting their love. Finally being able to accept love. No words were spoken, as none of us were able to speak. This moment was better left silent. I'm home now.