CHAPTER 20

                         I spent the first night under the pier drifting in and out of consciousness. It was too cold to sleep, all I managed to do mostly was rest my eyes. As warm as this place was during the day, I was surprised at how cold it was at night. The cold air moving in from the ocean and constantly blowing underneath the pier didn't help much at all either. I was able to get a couple hours of sleep, laying back against my stuffed pack.

                         I shivered all through the night, I could even swear I shivered while I was sleeping. I dreamed of being somewhere warm, and just dreaming about it seemed to help. Dreaming of taking a hot shower, being warm in my bed, feeling the hot sun cover my body. It was almost as if I could heat myself just by my thoughts, even though I wasn't really warm. I was awake long before the sun even started to show, but tried my best to sleep until daylight.

                        As the sun began to rise in the sky, I got warmer and warmer. I shed the clothes I had worn the night before and stuffed them back into my pack. I reached in the front pocket to pull a cereal bar and ate it. I had taken a couple before I left, just in case I got hungry and needed something to eat.

            I knew my friends would be here soon, and I didn't want them to see me like this, I had to find somewhere else to go. I was still tired and physically exhausted from the lack of sleep the night before. I knew I would have to find somewhere warmer to sleep tonight, or I'd really be messed up with lack of sleep. For now I just wanted to see if I could get some money and something else for later.

                        I was forced to wear long sleeves, covering my cuts, and covering my tattoo. I wore my hair down and made sure I was free of my ex-gang's colors. I knew I didn't want to be caught by the same gang, especially seeing as how no one would help me now. I was completely on my own, officially homeless, at least for the time being.

                        I dragged myself on the long rout into the city, making sure to ovoid confrontation. I wasn't completely stupid, I knew how to beg for money. I found myself an empty coffee can in the gutter on my way into town. I sat on the corner of one of the busiest streets in the city, with my coffee can sitting in front of me. My pack looked ragged and worn, and my clothes looked dirty from sleeping in the sand the night before, not to mention that my hair was a mess. I knew I fit the part.

                        As I sat for hours looking pathetic, I got myself around seven dollars, which wasn't a bad income for my first day. I had a couple preachers stop by and try to sell me salvation, a couple of do-gooders that tried to talk me into taking hold of my future, and a couple kind people who offered to house me for a while. I had forced myself to deny the housing, since after all, I couldn't get myself caught. I was worried a few times when passing police officers stopped to look me over, using their radio to say something about me. I just smiled and acted like I had done this for years.

                        After about four hours on the street, my stomach began to hurt again. I knew I didn't have a lot of money, and that I had to conserve it, but I was too hungry to think clearly. I packed everything up and headed into the bathroom of the gas station across the street. I changed into something cleaner. I was able to wash my dirty clothes a little bit in the sink, drying them most of the way using the hand dryer, before someone else needed to use it.

                        In my clean clothes, I was now fit to get something to eat. I acted like I knew what I was doing as I walked down several blocks, looking for somewhere cheap to get food. I was able to find a discount supermarket and got myself a whole meal for about three dollars. I filled up, knowing it may be my last big meal.

                        As I shoved my sandwich in my mouth, washing it down with big gulps of juice, I realized I was being watched. I was the only one in the place that was dirty and poor, and people could tell that. People stared at me, and whispered as they walked by. I knew they were whispering about me. Most of the time that would make me self-conscious, but right now I didn't really care.

                        I finished up and headed out before they called the manager on me or something. I was now faced with the problem of finding somewhere to sleep, hopefully somewhere warmer than last night. I was able to get myself another five dollars as I wandered the streets looking for something that could serve as a shelter. I was told by several people to check into a homeless shelter, but I couldn't. Around here, anyone under eighteen has to be reported to the police if they're homeless, and there's no way I would allow myself to get sent back.

              As I wandered through the park, I saw that the lower half of the park seemed to serve as a home for the homeless. I walked slowly as I looked around, seeing more cardboard boxes that I'd ever seen before. I knew cardboard boxes served as homes in early childhood, but here were grown men and women sleeping in them. It seemed like a good idea to me.

              "Hey, you!" yelled one man, raising his hand to me.

              I was a little weary, but figured they couldn't do anything to me with all of these people around. I turned around to face him, "Who, me?"

              He nodded at me and motioned me over, "Yeah you! Ya new?"

              He was an older man, he looked so fragile that he may fall apart if he stood up, "Umm, I am, yes."

              "Come 'ere," he said as I walked up to him, "Ya look like ya need somewhere ta stay."

               I nodded my head slightly, not sure what he was getting at, "Yeah."

              He laughed as my voice stuttered, "No, no, it ain't nothin' like that. I'm just sayin' that I have an extra box if ya be needing it."

              I grinned as I nodded, "That would help a lot, yes."

             "Alright," he said as he stood up slowly, reaching behind his box and pulling out a giant folded box, "All you have to do is put it up. It's good idea to get yer hands on some newspaper to keep warm."

               I took the box from him and just stood there, not sure what to do with it. I looked over the park and looked for a good spot to set up, but wasn't sure where I was allowed to. I could tell he knew I was confused, too, by the look on his face. I felt sorry for him, someone like him should be warm in a bed somewhere, not trying to stay alive on his own out in some park.

              He grinned at me and smiled, "Ya can set yerself up over that way under the tree. If ya ever be needing anythin' at all, I be here. Name's Jed."

              I smiled as I looked over to my tree, and then back to Jed, "I'm Taya."

             I nodded at him as I headed over to my area. My tree, my cardboard box, I both owned a home and was homeless at the same time. It seemed funny to me when I thought about it. I never pictured myself living out of a cardboard box. But then again, I never pictured my childhood the way it had been, either. I was homeless trash, now.

                        As I was setting up my new home, a younger man and what I took to be his wife, came up to me, carrying armloads of newspaper. The looked as though they were in their early twenties, and looked out of place being out here. They looked like they were too young to be out here, they should be happy and healthy in their first home, a real home.

              "Our housewarming gift," said the man as he handed me the newspaper, "You're in our neighborhood, now."

              The young lady reached her hand out to me, "My name is Kathy, and this is my husband, Mark."

              I shook their hands and then grabbed the newspaper out of Mark's hand, "I'm Taya."

             Mark and Kathy helped show me how to keep myself warm with the newspaper, and how best to position my box so that I could avoid the cold wind coming in from the north. I would never have thought that homeless people would ever be so kind. I suppose it's easy to be kind when you don't have anything to lose.

              I sat down on the ground and took my pack off, and motioned for them to have a seat with me. I offered them some of the food I had gotten from the supermarket on my way over, "I'm still getting used to this."

             Mark turned to Kathy and gave a weak smile, "We've been here for years, ever since we lost everything."

              Kathy nodded and turned to give Mark a kiss, and then turned back to me, "Mark and I married five years ago. We were happy and fortunate, with a beautiful home."

             Mark sighed and took over, "Kathy's mom was very ill, and we put everything we could into trying to keep her healthy. And when she finally died, we were too far in debt to get out."

              Kathy took over again, "Everything we owned was taken from us, and we didn't want to bother the family, so we ended up out here."

              Mark looked at me, "What about you? You look too young to be on your own."

              "I just look young for my age, I'm really not that young," I lied to them, I knew I had to tell them, but I didn't want to risk telling them my age, "I grew up in an abusive home, so I decided I couldn't take it anymore, and I left."

              "I'm sorry," Kathy said as she put her arm around me, "That's so sad."

              I shrugged my shoulders, "I figured it would be easier to try and survive on my own, rather than deal with it anymore."

              "Consider us your new foster parents," Kathy said as she smiled at me, nodding in approval, "We'll make sure you're safe."

               Kathy stood up and then helped Mark up, "We need to be getting back, but we're available whenever you need us."

               "Alright," I replied as I dug into my pack, and tossed them another bit of food, "You know where I live."

               I smiled as I put everything together, making it sound as though it was all real. New parents and grandpa Jed, I was all set now. I just had to get used to the different life I was forced into. I could adapt, I always have. Someway, somehow.

                My first night in my 'new home' actually went well. Following the advice of my newfound family, I was very warm, and able to sleep through the night with little more than an angry stomach. I'd have never thought of newspaper, but it really did work. It was the only insulation I had in place of blankets, and it worked.

               I set up my newspaper and repacked my backpack again. I knew better than to leave anything behind, who knows who would take it. I pulled out a couple breakfast bars, and headed over to Jed’s box. He was already awake and reading the same newspaper he had used for sleeping in. I smiled at him and threw him a couple of cereal bars.

              "Mighty kind of ya," he said as he willingly took the bars and started to shove them into his mouth.

              "Sure," I said as I walked towards Kathy and Marks area to give them something as well.

                Kathy was the only one there when I found them, "Where's Mark gone to?"

                Kathy grinned and looked toward the inner city, "He's working."

                I reached into my pack and pulled out another two breakfast bars, "Here, have some breakfast."

               Kathy took them just as willingly as Jed had, "Have a seat."

               I sat down and pulled the last bar from my pack and began to eat, "Thanks."

               Kathy tilted her head to the side slightly, "So, you really aren't over eighteen, are you?"

               I blushed a little and shook my head, "No, I'm not."

              "You know," Kathy said, "You can turn yourself in and not have to worry about working the streets."

               I shook my head, "No, I don't even want to think about it. I know what will happen if I do, and I don't want that to happen."

               "You should report the abuse you've gone through," she replied and then took another bite, "And if you end up in the same situation with someone else, you should still report it."

                 I frowned slightly, "Easy for you to say, it's not so easy to do when you're on the receiving end."

                Kathy looked sad when I said that, "No one should ever have to go through that."

                I shrugged my shoulders at her, not too sure what to say, "It happens."

               Kathy reached over and gave me a hug. Everything in my wanted to pull away, fight the physical contact, but another part of me wanted to stay. I just held still as she hugged me. The first real hug since I was young, I wasn't too sure what to think. I carefully reached around and hugged Kathy back.

               When Kathy leaned back, I could see tears in her eyes, "What's wrong?"

               "Baby, you should have never had to go through that," she said, as she shook her head slightly, tears still flowing.

               "It's okay, really," I replied as I tried to get her to calm down.

               "No, it's never okay," she replied as she laid her hands on my shoulders, “You shouldn't have to deal with this."

                I started to cry now, a sucker for emotions when someone else shows them, "I just don't want to go back."

                We sat together for hours just talking, she told me all about her life before the streets, how she met Mark. I told her all about my childhood, and how I ended up on the streets, and how I got messed up with gangs, drugs, alcohol and sex. I may be homeless, but I've gained more than material possessions could ever give me. I'd have to remember to go try and get her something special. My foster mother while I was on the streets.

               Jed finally came over and joined us. I could see by the way he walked that he was stiff and sore. I wish I had something to help him out. Kathy smiled at him as he came over, and I did as well. Waving a hello to him.

                "Mind if I join ya," he asked.

                "Of course not!" Kathy replied, "Have a seat."

                 Jed smiled wide at me, and I noticed how several of his teeth were missing, "How ya doin'?"

                 I smiled back at him, "I'm good, thank you. How are you?"

                 He shifted his weight a little and groaned, "I be an old man, and my body tells it."

               "Jed, you should go on and tell Taya about your life, it was interesting," Kathy suggested. Jed of course complied.

                For at least another hour or two, Jed told my how he had served in the Army as some sort of medical researcher for thirty years, retiring from the Army and taking a part time job working in retail. He told me about his childhood, and how his father had walked out on him when he was only seven, leaving his mother to support him and his two brothers on her own. He told me about how his brothers and his mother had died in a house fire when he was only thirteen. I learned that he had married a woman named Martha when he was nineteen, before shipping out.

                 "My Martha died of heart failure ten years ago," he said sadly, "And our two boys died while servin' the Army like I had."

                Kathy had a sad look on her face as well, "It sounds so hard."

               "I'm sorry, that sounds horrible," I said as I pinched my hand to keep a straight face, and forced a smile, "I'll always be here for you, grandpa Jed."

                The smile that overtook his face was the most beautiful thing I'd seen. He beamed at me, "Grandpa Jed. I'm honored."